>>87040397
Speaking as someone who spend three weeks going through brainworms before reaching enlightenment let me tell you what I have realized.
There are essentially three ways to be parasocial:
1. "I want her to know I exist and to love me"
2. "I want to be her #1"
3. "I want to have her all to myself"
Numbers 2 and 3 are fundamentally unworkable. There will always be someone who watches more streams than you, who donates more than you, etc. There will also always be hundreds, if not thousands of guys in love with her, and she is never going to ignore everyone else just to please you. These ways of thinking are self-destructive and nonstarters. The only way to keep your sanity is to be okay with being part of the collective, and to participate in the community to a level that YOU feel comfortable with. You also need to be okay with the fact that you are part of a multitude. The moment you start comparing yourself to other fans it is fucking over. The only person you should focus on is yourself, and you should ask yourself "does she love me?" If the answer is yes, then be happy.