*Jaw drops to table with tongue rolling out like a carpet, gasping dramatically*
*Jumps into the air horizontally, straight as a rod, hovering while wolf-whistling obnoxiously loud*
*Starts flying through the air like an aeroplane making pretend machinegun noises before crashing down into the seat*
*Frantically taps foot against the floor while slamming fists repeatedly on the table, rattling any plates, bowls, or silverware*
*Heart starts beating so hard it visibly thumps an entire meter out of chest through the shirt in the stereotypical shape of the playing cards suit*
*Head transforms into a cartoon anthropomorphic wolf's head, howling loudly at the moon on all fours*
*Scalp hinges back for fireworks to pop out, panting loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth while breaking chair into pieces*
HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA!
*Pulls out a large wooden mallet and bashes self over the head until tweety birds start circling around, and plays finger harp with slack lips*
*Eyes pop out of sockets and engorge into the size and shape of artillery shells accompanied by trumpets*
*Turns a crank that activates a Rube Goldberg machine simulated audience of lecherous men applauding, whistling, and banging their fists*
*Pulls chain on train whistle that has spontaneously appeared next to head causing steam to blow out*
CHUGGA CHUGGA CHOO CHOO!
*Red mercury fills up visage like a thermometer's temperature rising causing the head to swell to three times its normal size*
*Wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead with handkerchief, straightens up tie, combs hair, waxes pencil moustache*
COME WITH ME TO THE KASBAH!
*Tiny Cupid shoots an arrow through heart before standing up ramrod straight and falling back dead with a bouquet of flowers that has suddenly appeared in clasped hands*
DOOON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!