Bro, I get where your coming from I love Gura too and am parasocial af when she streams, Gura just has that effect, but on a serious note you need to find another motivation in life to keep you alive, you can't rely on Gura for that, it's unfair to Gura, use her for more motivation maybe yes, but not as a reason to live. She makes me feel really fucking nice and happy too and I think she iis the perfect woman that exists sometimes, but I wouldn't use her as a sole reason to exist and she wouldn't want that either. Plus that's just asking for depression when she goes on her frequent hiatuses, which we all get sad and depressed about here. Anyway I just found a drug you could try that personally cures my depression, GAD and social anxiety all at once and has made me feel like my normal self I lost to depression and anxiety for the past decade, and my whole outlook on life, I'm actually feeling positive about everything and everything isn't like a fucking dark cloud following me around. It's called pregabalin, it has minor psychedelic effects that rewire your neurons or something, and make you feel great even when your not high on them, ya know like the afterglow some drugs have, like the opposite of a comedown basically, it's also really nice to take with some benzos and heavenly on opiates, I get 56 30mg codeine of the doc once a week, I'm not an heroin addict or anything. But It's like a wonder drug for depressed people and I'm eventually gunna stop abusing it and majorly cut down on all the other drugs I abuse to fill the black hole of misery, hopelessness and zero self worth, and it also helps with withdrawals too so I can use it for that also, and I'm gunna try and convince my Dr to give me a prescription of them and just take them medicinally. Lifes really shit sometimes I get it I been depressed for years, but when life is good and your in a good place it's really really fucking beautiful and it's worth existing for, just hold on and wait for the good times to come back and you'll be a stronger wiser person for it too. I'm high af typing this, so it might be why I'm posting this lol, but stay strong brother and maybe find something else in life to keep you strong.