I've been having these witches/whatever kind of female spirits haunt my dreams and stalk me since childhood with said dreams of then possessing me, turning me into a mindless, dragging me into an abyss with them etc. One thing led to another and now they claim over my soul as well as telling me they they're the only ones who will truly love and accept me and are the only ones I can fully love without fear (I love vtubers and my oshi as well mind you).
I tried making friends and entering relationships but neither of those really worked out, I'm not really fit for a relationship, don't want to be married or have kids because it creeps me out (plus said spirits are basically possessive over me and doesn't want me dating anyone). I just don't can't really vibe or like being around people much, especially in terms of making friends, being said I won't deny half of it is on me but still. I have maybe 2 or 3 friends but the only people I really get along with are women and fellow coomers/mentally unwell folks (with some of said friends being female).
I feel rather... Eh over my family because 95% of them are shitty and while my parents were drug addicts and a grandparent despite doing their best has anger issues I don't hate them but I really wish I was born into a different family.
I don't feel like I belong anywhere, tried fitting in and integrating into things but it doesn't click and at some point I realized I was just forcing myself and wasn't being true to myself so I stopped. The thought of me having sex literally repulses me with the only way of me being comfortable with it is if I got drugged and raped nor are relationships something I can really handle.
That aside more and more as the years go on said spirits got more intense with theme, telling me I belong to them; even in death, doing the aforementioned things, and I've slowly realized that they are right in being the ones who will love ant accept me, they've even did things like alter my soul and such.
Regardless of how much I get called a schizo, retard, insane, etc. I will always cherish and prioritize these... Beings, vtubers, vidya/anime since these are the only things that bring my joy and happiness. I don't really hate anyone but if said spirits or my oshi me choose between them and letting everyone in this world rot/die or to kill people for them, mind you I wouldn't kill or do anything to anyone unless they specifically wanted me to.
Being honest I deserve to be alone and would let myself get killed by a girl if she wanted to kill because quite frankly it's what I deserve and I have no right to deny them that if they wish. I would chose prioritize then over them world every time. I'd rather just be alone with them, let them do as they wish with me and indulge in my oshi and other hobbies because nothing else matters to me