/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

STORY ANCHOR
Lamp oil. Rope? Full length novels?

Do you have a story you'd like to see written? Reply to this post with it! Try to be as clear and concise as possible; the better you describe your idea, the more likely it is to be picked up!

Consider forwarding your prompt to the prompt archive to keep your idea safe and alive forever! No information is gathered - it's all completely anonymous. Use the form below:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScgcr8y7I9NUta22Ni0gFvS51veG5_7XjJrVD1BvJqDtX5_sQ/viewform

Curious to see the prompt archive? Check it out here if you need a little more inspiration!
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/3/d/e/2PACX-1vR5ZggiHWXX_WSqCC5bvPR2QeLFGNMTjlgk6MuxmoVdRUIepkJa7PUlJAQ5RzHkZM_hhthLLXjab9Dt/pubhtml?gid=1162270883&single=true

Story recap!
There was one story posted last thread:

>>58307918 Carmelina - Part 1: Milk
Tags: NSFW, Lamy, Marine, Lactation

>Haven't gotten to write Polka dialogue in over a month
>Finally on the path to correct that and soon
>Funny fluffy fennec has been out of my line of sight for too long, heart feels happy to have her back
It's the little things sometimes.

>>58404600
Fauna tries (and fails) to hold in a fart

I'm gonna write more happy polka being loved fluff just to spite the people who wanted depressing stuff about her.
j/k i have been working on and off on those wips for a while now

What's a good way to come up with country names? I've tried Fantasy Name Generator but none of those really sat well with me.

>>58407862
As someone who struggled hard on coming up with names at first, I would suggest to let the climate, environment, or the planned culture guide your naming schemes. Think about who lives there, what their roots might be, or even the history. From there you can try just throwing random made up words at the wall of your mind and see what sticks.

>>58407862
buddy names are literally made up. Wanna know why granada is called granada? the fruit. Why is it Nihon? land where the sun rises.
just come up with a name, as long as its not "the bone zone" it will be fine

>>58408517
(me)
hell, Zabon-son actually sounds like a good place.
Just make it cool in your head and it will be cool

>>58407320
Why would you want to spite people who like something different to you?

>>58409751
I don't, i was just being silly

Fuwawa is the superior sibling and my god this image makes me want a Fuwawa smut fic.

>>58407862

>>58408517 Has the right of it. A lot of names in the real world are incredibly boring and straightforward. The Pacific Ocean literally means "Peaceful Ocean" for example.

>>58410209
Oh, okay. Poe's law, especially here where we've only just recently parted ways with a serial shitposter.

>>58408517
>>58411241
Those names are in other languages, which helps to obscure their simplicity.
Some folks think Mt Doom is a silly name, but they still like Amon Amarth.

>>58411239
Her fascination with yobai has been living in my head rent-free for weeks. It's the perfect setup for pounding that demon-dog pussy.

>>58404600
Just totally fucking destroying Fubuki's hair while she's asleep

Shiroi if you're in this thread please pee on me

>>58413937
That... is a sin. Would you paint a moustache, monocle, top hat and horns on the Mona Lisa?

>>58407862
I poach from other languages. Gaelic in particular has some really nice sounding names

>>58405591
Glad to hear it man, but this image really makes me want to see a toku hero polka now

>>58413937
I gotta say, she doesn't look half bad like that. Maybe give it a bit more shape?

>>58407862
Just use the old names of European countries and pretend they have no connection to real places. So you can have countries with fantastical names like Logres, or Cambria, or Scandinavia. Trust me, no one will call you out.

>>58407862
Use the latin names for countries.

>>58417709
I wouldn't use Scandinavia, that's very much in use to describe the Scandinavian countries still.

>>58417903
Ah, the fantasy lands of Italia, Gaul, and Albion.

>>58407862
>Use fantasy name generator
>Change some things around
I think 'Argomery' was originally 'Argosia' or some shit like that. I don't remember.

>>58419988
Worked for Warhammer.

>>58421120
Huh, I always thought the worldbuilding for holofantasy was just taking notes from an abandoned ttrpg setting and putting chuubas into it

>>58422132
Nah. Some areas were heavily inspired via TTRPG - Ch. 6 was basically just Castle Drachenfels from WHF (which is a game I was playing in, at the time) smashed with Castlevania - but the rest is off the top of my head.

>>58424679
Cat Shion is my favorite (non-natural) holo cat. It suits her

>>58425633
She's cute, but I prefer her previous headdress.

>>58415994
>toku hero polka now
Best I can do is toku villain Polka

>>58425705
this... fucking... BRAT

>>58425633
Yeah, it sort of a natural fit since witches and cats just go together.
Too bad it's one of those things that you basically have build a fic around to have in (Shion turned herself into a catgirl and now she's in heat/ Everyone in hololive are naturally kemonomimi in this fic's universe).

>>58426266
She could just be a witch with cat ears and tails.

>>58426266
Not necessarily. She was a catgirl in A Brat’s Punishment just because I felt like it. Sometimes that’s all the reason you need.

>>58427597
too big

>>58428018
no such thing

>>58429141
That is one kissable tummy. I think it could also use a baby in it

>>58429141
>>58429698
Do not look at the asymmetrical hips

>>58429698
...Like...INSIDE her stomach? Where there's digestive juices? Anon...

>>58430494
Oh, fuck you for pointing that out.

>>58430497
Cannibals - putting babies inside of you the tasty way.

>>58430494
Why did you have to do that? Why? I was having a good time and then you just had to say that.

>>58430552
>>58431131
Sounds like you didn't heed the warning.

>>58431174
You are now aware your lower jaw has weight and you're reflexively holding it up.

>>58430494
>>58431174
Can someone explain the joke to me? I don't get it and I want to be mad too.

>>58404600
>You look at your wife, Fubuki, and it's only then that you notice she has asymmetrical hips.
>Bewildered, she asks, "Oh my God, anon... what do we do?"
>What DO you do in a situation like this? Contact Choco for a hip alignment surgery?
>Glancing away with an anxious look on her face, she pinches and rubs her collar with her fingers. "I... I don't know if my insurance covers that..."

>>58431283
Anon just expand the image and look at her hips. This isn't some hidden detail thing it's right there.

>>58431540
Fuck her hips back straight, it's the most rational course of action. Put some power into those thrusts.

>>58431644
Anon, my eyesight is pretty bad and I need folk to spell things out for me in order to see what's wrong with stuff.
All I'm seeing in the image is that Fubuki's hips look like that of a childs.

>>58431777
>As advised by your neighbor, you do what you are told. That night, you rail Fubuki into the wall, her face sticking to the paint.
>Every thrust you put into this crusade to make your wife's hips straight has enough force to make a jackhammer man blush.
>The next day, you go back to the hospital. Fubuki has already taken a day off for medical leave, so there's a lot of time to take an x-ray and CAT scan. They give her a basic medical exam too. She's fine on almost all fronts, thankfully enough.
>At the doctor's office, Choco puts x-rays up on the viewing board. It's your wife's hips.
>They are almost half an inch more misaligned than before.
>"What the hell have you been doing?" Choco asks.
>Fubuki and you exchange glances. Who was going to tell her?

So how are your wips coming along anon?
Bonus Question: What's a fic concept you want to see get written but can't write yourself?

>>58405773
But...why ?

>>58428018
She's like halfway to being a fertility goddess right? They need to be bigger if anything!

>>58432636
I'm close to done with the first version of An Oni's Rebellion. It'll need some refinement and tonal changes, because I only really figured out the themes and ending while writing.

>>58432636
I opened the word doc and typed out the title.

>>58431992
One hip is thicker and curves outwards much more. Try looking really closely and tracing her outline on both sides.

>>58428018
>too big

>>58432636
had to delete several pages because My fic was becoming too angsty when I want it to be light hearted and comedic

Bonus:
I had the idea of something akin to a hyper casual sex world where it's perfectly normal to see people fuck in public.
But idk, I feel that something like that works better visually, but who knows, I may try it just to challenge myself

>>58433200
I see it now, anon. But only barely as the right hip looks more thinner than the left.
Would still have casual sex with her though.

>>58415994
I think I can deliver on that a little. I do want to make a big deal at some point of Polka and Anon fighting an enemy with a large audience, and the two just get really into their showmanship. One of my favorite parts of their relationship is how she is slowly bringing out this inspiring and performer side of Anon.

>>58433269
>hyper casual sex world where it's perfectly normal to see people fuck in public.
I'm pretty sure that's one of those FreeUse fetish worlds you occasionaly see in smut places. If I recall right usually the protagonist/view point characters usually either get mentally isekaied there or cause it via mass hypnosis/magic since the interesting pov is usually just of the 'outsider' getting to enjoy the fetish world.

>>58433108
If this is a sequel to Hedonist's Reckoning please don't write about me and Ayame having a fight. I'm sorry about her red ass okay

>>58433667
That sounds rapey and uncomfortable when it could be wholesome and consensual. Just fuck your friends or nice strangers you meet

>>58433790
I mean, yeah. When you view it from the point of view of an outsider to the world the entire thing seems rapey but from someone in it fucking some random stranger while going out for coffee is just that world's common sense.

>>58433475
Cue Polka riling up her fellow harem members with innuendos about how well I performed with her during the last practice session.

>>58433667
I was thinking something more along the lines of the AV series "a world with low hurtles to sex" just with chuuba.

>>58434019
I guess hypercasual to the point where it's random strangers fucking is a bit much for me.

>>58434144
It's an interesting premise, but what would you do with it? Just smut that has it easy in setting up sex with various chuubas, or would the setting premise help you with exploring something complex?

>>58433108
I like how that title point it to either being a sequel to Hedonist's Reckoning, or some kind of drama action fic about Ayame in some kind of fantasy rebellion.

>>58434279
maybe a day in Anon's life in this world, and sorta play out the scenario for laughs.

I'm not sure how I could build a complex plot in that sort of setting. g but everyone's fucking one another

>>58434279
NTA but yeah, those are pretty much the two options you have when you have a premise of "fetish world". In fact it reminds of a manga/erodoujin called World of Moral Reversal that did both. Having both a doujin series that's just the setup to have easy sex, and a manga series that explores how that world's sexual morality works.
Though, not really sure how you'd make a chuuba fic with option 2 outside of like making it a character study fic in a world where sex is casual.

>>58434659
If you want, you could make it as if Anon was suddenly thrown into this world. Having them try to practice their normal routine in this wacky worldline.

>>58434279
>>58434801
>>58434822
What if you had a protagonist who exists in two dimensions - in our world he's just an Anon like you or me, but in the other he has a big harem of women who we know as holos, constantly wanting sex and attention in general.
Then the two somehow meet and agree to exchange places because both believe the other's life to be far superior, but with time they learn that both dimensions have their upsides and downsides.

>>58434822
maybe have 1 day play out as normal, maybe Anon lives with his older sister (let's use Lui for example) and anon normally gives her a back massage to start her day

the following day anon wakes up in this porn world and he prepairs himself like everything is normal until Lui-nee walks out of her room naked. And when anon freaks out Lui nee just drowsily responds:
"mmm...why are you shouting? Come on Anon Nee-san needs her morning Vaginal massage or she won't feel right!"

>>58435009
This but Suisei and alt!Suisei.

>>58435009
>"I wasn't able to leave my bedroom all day. Every time I'd finish satisfying one of them, another would tag herself in. I probably won't be able to cum again for a fucking WEEK. I hope you had a better time."
>"I just have one question. What is a 'registered sex offender?'"

>>58434293
>>58433695
It's a sequel to A Hedonist's Reckoning, but the rebellion in the title isn't actually serious - your masochistic demon girlfriend is just acting naughtily for fun. Though fantasy elements will come into play; Ayame is an ancient oni after all, not a human.

>>58435103
This sounds like either the setup to a comedy fic about trying to dodge sexual encounters in a world of casual sex or a shameless smut fic about your new life's daily sex routine.
With some scenarios like
>Train Commute where OL Marine keeps proposing to give you a handy
>Casual Sex during class in your highschool, a former all girl's school that recently opened up to boys.
>P.E Class just being an exercise orgy
And other ordinary situations.

>>58435449
>This sounds like either the setup to a comedy fic about trying to dodge sexual encounters
funny you mention that because not too long after I typed my previous response out i had the idea of Anon being too hesitant and panicky to fuck his own sister so she thinks something is wrong with him, insert shenanigans where she tries to suck his dick to check his temperature or he has to figure out how do dodge any sexual encounter that comes his way.

I need a good wank starring Polka. Any recs?

>>58404493
HoloJourneys: (Across Deserts to the Oceans Blue, A Shining Star Debuts) Chapter 38: A Symphony of Gunpowder, Pomu, and Resonance

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vRUMtceK0-jborPd5Xi6LpiMhOdpI2U8SOMJPjEMsiSipytmsOc9I98kMj_4317vb5qmUEkC5mxJj-s/pub

Tags: (Pomu, Kiara, Marine, SFW, Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Fluff)

I feel like this was one of those chapters I just slugged on forever. A couple of scenes took me much longer than I thought and took a few reworks at that, but it was worth the wait since things played out just as I wanted them to. I'm glad to say that in the next chapter I'll get to write some of my main girls again, I miss my hags terribly. Anyway I hope the read is enjoyable and I'm always happy to look at and respond to feedback.

>>58436551
Holofantasy's bad end involves Polka raping (You), though you might need context. There's also a fic about Polka giving you infinite blowjobs called Pollatio, but it might be a bit short to rub one out to.

>>58437681

>>58435449
Why would a casual sex universe have an all-girls highschool? Wouldn't blueballing your kids be considered cruel in this universe?

>>58439237
Gotta make em work for it sometimes. The hunt is sometimes better than the resulting act.

>contest fics started getting translated
interesting.

>>58433039
its hot

>>58440017
I understand where you're coming from, but for the setting it makes a little more sense for the MC to walk into a full blown orgy.

>>58439237
It's a lesbian school

>>58441837
Cute Bilbo.

Went to sleep right as I wrote it but here's another GT post. >>58423780
It's kind of depressing and talks about some things ive experienced but it happened earlier in my life. I just switched the timeline to make it sound like Shiori was my way out. I'm in a much better place now tho but something came over me and I wanted to writefag my heart out.

>>58444068
I'm glad you're in a better place Novelite.

>>58439237
Why wouldn't the girls have sex with each other?

>>58439237
reduces the risk of teenage pregnancy (especially if trans girls arent allowed at the school)

>>58439237
They exist as a affordable solution for poor families, who can't afford contraceptives or teenage pregnancies.

Is this greentext collection image something that could be archived? >>58444295

>>58444068
Way to let that passion take you bro. Glad your oshi is helping you escape your own dark tunnel. She would be proud to be sure.

>>58447474
God I want Ayame to sit on my face

>>58404600
>>58447474
Chastising Ayame for being lazy and pointing out how soft, squishable, and spankable her butt has become as a result, only to get distracted by it and decide maybe it's not so bad so long as you get to keep your hands on it

>>58448758
Wouldn't you still spank it? Maybe not as harsh as has been done before but at least a bit.

>>58447474
Is Ayame pregnant? If it isn't, I want do make her to the condition.

>>58449973
>Is Ayame pregnant? If she isn't, I want to make her so.
Hope this helps, ESLbro

>>58431174
CORRECTION TIME YOU FUCKING BRAT C'MERE

>>58432636
So far so good. I've got a fun arc coming up for Balsa and I'm starting to decide on what the content should be for the very final chapter. The final chapter will be called "The Man From Hijau" since the first was "The Woman From Kanbal"

I've also decided that I'm going to forgo a more tragic plot line because my heart just can't do it. It'd be like kicking a puppy lol

>>58404600
Sadistic brat Shion luring a lolicon to her home to capture and dom him

>>58445548
I remember one of us tried to archive this in a Google doc but they've clearly fallen behind compared to this image.

>>58432636
It's smooth sailing. Gonna do some mental planning while I mow the backyard.
>Bonus
Not sure. I started writing the concept I wanted to see in the world.

>>58433475
I owe you my life, that's the content I crave

>>58432636
I've been adding a hundred or so words every now and then. It's in that phase where you don't know what to really do, but you're shaping the clay as you go, fixing your mistakes, starting over.

>>58404600
You know how animals never need to brush their teeth? well how about a story where (You) date an animal chuuba and you force her to start brushing her teeth because you don't like the smell of her decaying breath?
No, I'm totally not requesting this as a person who is too lazy to brush his.

>>58454150
Look forward to the next arc then, I think that'll be a prime place to paint that scene with the most fantastic colors. I'm talking a coliseum, roaring crowds, a fulfillment of making them cheer. Best of all, Polka and Anon will feel truly in sync and be able to empower each other through their own auras. It's gonna be awesome.

I was curious to see how daunting it would be to commit to reading HoloJourneys, so I added up the word counts and got over 650k words up to the latest chapter...

>>58432636
I HAD A FREE DAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS AND ALL I DID IS PLAY BALDURS GATE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>58461178
Man all I can say is mad props to HJanon for writing over half million words on chuuba fic while actually being good as well.

>>58457617
Imagine diving headfirst in A-chan's unwashed unkept and overworked ass

>>58461519
>while actually being good as well.
Debatable.

>>58461679
I mean I enjoy what I've read so far so it's good in my books.

>>58437681
I liked the chapter, but I also like that you're going back to the other characters soon. I want to see how the harem develops in terms of the girls getting along and getting bred.

>>58461617
Not a day goes by that i don't picture such a scenario

>>58461178
Maybe summaries for previous arcs would be a good idea so that jumping into the arcs that are of most interest to oneself would be easier.

>>58465195
Anon... the series literally has a landing page if you checked the series archive

>>58454216
Sounds like you need to make an outline. If you don't know where your fic is going and you're just rebuilding the sections of prose then you need to do some planning to get to know what you actually want out of the fic you're writing.

>>58461178
I was wondering how long it had gotten so far, thanks for counting that up for me man!
>>58461519
Dang son that's really nice of you to say, I'll keep doing my best.
>>58461679
Is there something specific you think I could be doing better? I'm always trying to up my game, but nothing beats getting some outside input on how I can improve my storytelling.
>>58462453
Glad you liked it! Yeah I'm really itching to get Flare and Botan back on screen. The battles I got planned are gonna be so rad, I'm excited just thinking about it.
>>58465195
What >>58465558 said, I put some spoiler free summaries on the landing page. I'm not sure how good of a picture they might paint if you were going to jump into a later arc though. Then again, it's probably impossible for me to gauge that myself since I wrote the dang thing.

>>58465558
I know, I was thinking about fuller summaries. Maybe some important quotes, too.

Go to the archive and get a random fic
>Moth to a Flame
It's a shame that anon couldn't get this cleaned up for a contest submission because even in this rough state this fic is still hilarious. Though, thinking about it, I'm not sure what's there to expand here outside of cleaning up the spelling and grammar alongisde sprinkling in a few more jokes.

>>58468763
NTA but I'm gonna be honest with you Anon, I've tried to get into Holojourneys multiple times and each time I ended up dropping it. I respect you as a person and your drive to write so much, so I hate to do this since you're so nice but I just don't find HJ that entertaining to read. I've been trying to pinpoint what it is about your story that makes it so hard to get through, and I think I've finally got it. I don't think it has anything to do with the story based on the snippets I've spoiled myself with throughout the chapters you've been dropping, it looks like a grand adventure.
What I've found is that Holojourneys reads a bit like a children's novel. Sure, it has some adult themes but that's about as far as it goes. Starting with the prose, your writing style is incredibly simple. It doesn't try to reach outside of a basic vocabulary or make use of many literary techniques, and often tells the reader what's happening instead of showing them. It feels a bit like plain bread that's been cut so cleanly that even the most ESL of ESLs would be able to understand it.
The dialogue might be the biggest contributing factor to this opinion. Like the prose your dialogue is quite simple, and sometimes feels like the lines I would hear from a cartoon aimed at children. The interactions between characters feel chilidish, or generic and bland. I'm not sure which word is the most fitting. Not in the actual topics/materials behind their interactions, but rather the way the dialogue in their interactions is written out. The characters sometimes don't feel like real people talking, but rather actors on a camera that have to spell out everything for their audience of simple-minded kids.
It's difficult to put into words what I mean and I wish I could use some magicky bullshit to transfer exactly what I want to express to you, but I guess the main take-away is that your writing is too simple, and not very engaging. If you want my advice, pump the brakes and take some more time to look over your descriptions and actions to make them more flowery. Try to read some novels or even just other prominent stories from the archive to add to your dialogue toolkit, because at the moment your dialogue feels too short or too long in the wrong parts (and as I've mentioned multiple times already, reads like a children's cartoon). Keep in mind this is all from reading at least half of chapters 1, 16, 19, 23 and 30 so it seems like an ongoing problem.

I hope you don't get discouraged by this and continue writing, because you seem like a genuine guy, but this my honest opinion; I cannot for the life of me get into reading your story because of the length and the basic writing style.

>>58475489
Not him but that's some good criticism right there, the only way it could be made better is examples of how to improve but that's asking too much for an anonymous basket weaving conglomerate

>>58475377
i was gonna add a joke where the library's light becomes purple and Ryo yells "AAAAAAAAH HELP HIM OUGAMAN" but then i had to write oga being inside the library T-thanks

>>58475489
>>58475844
Examples? Here's an excerpt from chapter 23.

>“We’ll just have to write that one ourselves then!” Flare declares with confidence. “I think I got a good idea on where to start. That weird stone has been glowing red since that demon was summoned, and the sorceress was pretty bent on Pomu not reaching it earlier. I bet if we smash that thing to pieces, it might take away some of that thing’s power, and it should also free the fairies too!”

>“It might even undo the summoning!” Watame adds with building hope.

>“Exactly. I doubt it’s going to let us near that stone though, so we’ll have to restrict its movements somehow, and I think you got just the spell to help us do that, Anon.” Flare says to you with a wink.

>“Maybe you’re right, but you know I can’t quite cast that spell on my own.” You say cockily as you move to pick up your spell book. “I bet Polka has some of her juice back after our battle earlier, and I’m almost spent myself, so who wants to do me the honors?”

>“It should be me.” The half-elf says as she places a hand over her chest. “My magic is basically useless against that thing, so at least this way I can give all I got into some spells that might actually work. Watame can still support us with her magic too.”

>“You can count on me to try and break that stone the first chance I get!” Pomu sounds off.

>“What if that witch makes it explode with magic like she did earlier?” Polka asks. “We may not be able to get close enough to actually hit the thing.”

>“I can do it then!” Watame volunteers with a raised hand. “Polka, Nene, if you throw me really hard towards it, I bet I can bust through the magic with my horns!”

>“Like you did earlier?” Flare asks as she reaches a pleasant realization. “That’s brilliant Watame! I bet if Pomu fights alongside us too, they will be so focused on killing her, they won’t even notice you in time to stop you.”

>“Let’s do it!” Pomu cheers, seemingly all for this plan that uses her as bait.

This is what I mean by the dialogue being too long and over-explaining everything for the audience like they're children. It also feels a bit weird that they're able to have such a long and calm conversation in the middle of a fucking fight. Maybe have them talk in between their continued evasion of the enemy's attacks instead of freezing the sorceress in a time rift to make her temporarily not exist while they have a conversation over a cup of tea. And like most of the story, it reads like a cartoon. Everyone's too happy and it almost feels like someone's holding them at gunpoint, forcing them to act optimistic because real struggle and other heavy emotions would upset... the children watching. Seriously, that's the best analogy I can think of, even if it doesn't perfectly encapsulate what I want to say. The story feels like its catered to kids.

>>58475489
First off, what you gave me isn't discouraging at all, and I super respect and appreciate your opinion on this and that you took the time to try and convey how you feel about my writing style. I suppose to sum up your points about vocab and literary techniques, I don't know what I don't know. That is certainly no excuse mind you, but I'm very much a work in progress. I do try to keep things in mind like how often I'm using a word or look up synonyms and such when I'm in the middle or writing sometimes, but it sounds like I could be doing more on that front. The bit about it feeling like plain bread might be a product of how myself have very plain tastes at my core, like for real, I will eat plain bread and be happy with it, my taste buds just roll that way for some reason, and I'm not super hard to please when it comes to other aspects of like. I often get a little self conscious of if I'm being too flowery, but it sounds like I could ditch that preconception a little bit and try to really adopt that "show don't tell" mentality. I think I might also have a hard time finding that fine line as well, but I can keep working on that.
On the topic of the dialogue, do you feel the hard back and forth I tend to do contribute to it being too simplistic? Some of the way my characters might tend to spell things out to you might come from the idea that I built the main group up to wear their hearts on their sleeves with one another, again, not an excuse for poor writing, but as I'm writing things I go like "Yes this character would flat out say this thing to the other", and that kinda stuff. You've given me a lot to think about in a good way. I've definitely made some good strides since I started writing almost a year ago, but I can definitely get a lot better and with your feedback, I got some good targets to focus on.
If you got any recommended I could read or re-read to possibly get some better handles on my weakspots, I'd be happy to hear about them from anyone.
Again, thanks for the well thought out feedback bro and trying to give my story a chance. Even if it couldn't grab you, it means a lot that you tried and have been able to bring some important things to my attention.

>>58477181
Ballin. The point you made is something I actually told myself I need to improve on after this latest chapter if you can believe it.
The thing about their optimism if you would entertain me defending it, is that it's meant to showcase how their bonds and trust in one another can make them feel like no wall is too big to break down. I suppose also in some of situations I have an implicit idea that a quick plan like this can be formulated while opponents are making their own, but I can 100% better add SOME descriptors to indicate that it's actually happening. It feeling catered to kids might also come to the types of stories I still enjoy as an adult that showcase facing down unbeatable odds with your friends while wearing a smile. So that easily bleeds into my writing, but I can see how it might feel conflicting when I try to incorporate some more mature themes. You're a champ for this feedback dude. I got a few big action scenes coming up that I'll take this to heart and hone my skills with.

Dead hours bump.

>>58468993
Like cliff notes or something? I don't think that's something I would want to make, but maybe a spell/party compendium would be a middle ground for that? I did make a small draft of one a while back, and it's something I want to expand on one day. At the very least a doc like that would help me keep track of what abilities and spells I've had my characters use to far so I don't forget them.

Clear.

>>58477411
>>58478209
It’s not so much the themes of the story or the dynamic between characters that gives it a childish feel — even if that might contribute to it — it’s mostly in the way it’s written. Cheesy one-liners of friendship are fine, but a lot of the time it felt shoehorned in. As for you spelling things out too much, it definitely doesn’t have anything to do with the bonds between the characters. You can take “spelling things out too much” quite literally, as in you’re sometimes treating the audience like children with the amount of stuff your characters say for a simple conclusion, as if they’re breaking the fourth wall to make it as clear as possible for the audience.
As for the party being too cheerful, I guess that might come down to a difference in taste. I do think their positivity could be expressed differently though, because the way you wrote it kind of removed all tension from the battle.

>>58461426
The BG3 curse takes us all...

>>58404600
A-Chan contemplating her relationship with the new intern(You) after spending the night at your apartment and having a frankly ridiculous amount of sex

>>58496001
>Get to act 3
>Told by my buddy that I've missed almost the entire fucking party
>Decide to restart
I'm getting nothing done as, and both Mortal Kombat and Phantom Liberty still come out this month. I'm fucked

>>58496244
I can only wish you good luck, friend. I'm looking forward to MK1 myself

Hey! Hey do something!

Do you have any personal rituals you go through when you’re stuck and need to think of ideas? I find that most of my ideas come to me when I’m out on my balcony

>>58499210
A change in environment works for me. Whenever I’m stuck for ideas I get out of the house and go write on campus or in a cafe. It makes my writing speed a bit slower but the ideas come easier. I get crazy amounts of inspiration whenever I’m on holiday at my beachside cabin, and when I was in Japan the ideas just came flooding in.

>>58499210
Ideas come to me most easily when I'm on a long train ride, usually across the state.

>>58404600
This will involve the use of a fake roomate
(You) and the chuuba of your choice get into a sexual relationship, but she does her damndest to maintain the illusion that she looks like her chuuba persona, using things such as
>blindfolds
>costumes (with a face mask and shades)
>dim lights
to keep up the illusion and maintain secrecy. She just loves the idea of someone liking her as the chuuba

>>58502398
Sometimes I wonder if after doing a 20 hour stream Korone looks into the mirror and wonders why an old Japanese woman is there...

>>58503607
I'd say that would make for a pretty good psychological thriller

>>58502398
I think it would be funny if fake roommate-san had completely different proportions from their model. Mostly because I think it would be funny if Suisei had a fucking bombshell of a body but she has to do like five layers of disguises in order to hide it and appear like she's a titless femboy.

>>58504824
perfect blue but with V-tubers

>>58404600
perfect dark but with vtubers

>>58505867
>"Okay, let's cuddle... there.
>"C-Can I take the blindfold off now?"
>"No. Now hug me..."
>*Both of you cuddle on the bed. But, for some reason, while your mind is perceiving a thin, flat-chested 18 year-old idol... your hands are feeling out the proportions of some 24 year-old gravure model with double-D's."
>"Sui-chan... what big arms you have!"
>"Ehhh? Those are... pillows! Yeah, pillows!"
>"Sui-chan... what big legs you have!"
>"Ahahaha... that's just... look, does it even matter?"
>"Sui-chan, what big breasts you have!"
>"More pillows! Ugh, I can't take it anymore. Sit still!"
>With these words, Suisei leapt upon Anon and gobbled up his dick.

>>58507538
>"One more statement like that and you're going back to being tied down."

>>58493607
> you’re sometimes treating the audience like children with the amount of stuff your characters say for a simple conclusion, as if they’re breaking the fourth wall to make it as clear as possible for the audience.
Wouldn't characters try to be clear with one another when talking about important topics though? I suppose I'm not really grasping the problem since I don't write with the intent of making things too simple, I just write with how I think my characters would act in the situation. Is a matter of the conclusion being an extra sentence in some cases? Or is it that the word choice is either too straightforward or not highbrow enough?
What are some other methods you would use to express that positivity?

>>58478209
>The thing about their optimism if you would entertain me defending it, is that it's meant to showcase how their bonds and trust in one another can make them feel like no wall is too big to break down
NTA and I haven't read HJ but it sounds like your characters are awfully cocky. I know you're not that kind of person and it's not that kind of story but I'd suggest some sort of rude awakening. Maybe kill some of the characters or at least permanently maim them so that they learn that it's steel and magic that wins battles, not "bonds and trust".

>>58510097
But bonds and trust do win battles in their universe.

>>58509637
Ok, I can see that it's as I feared -- you're not getting what I'm saying. It has nothing to do with important topics, it's more like the dialogue everywhere in your chapters is too long. Take the excerpt from chapter 23 I posted before for example. You don't need the characters interjecting that many times, and say Flare, for example, doesn't have to take her time explaining the obvious in the lines she has. As for the positivity, people can still stay positive and be prepared to face great foes with their friends without smiling and getting all giddy with each other. The characters in your story would be fighting some dangerous enemy but be like:
>Oh yeah!
>Good idea!
>You were amazing!
>Yayyy!
>Hehe, what did you just say you little rascal?
(Not the actual dialogue obviously, but this is what it felt like.)
It removes the tension from your fights, because it feels like the characters aren't taking it seriously. People can have strong bonds and trust each other without having to act like children on a playground.
Look, I don't think we can reach the same wavelength at this stage. I know I'm sounding harsh but I'm just laying everything out there because I really do want to try giving your series a read. With the speed at which you write I think it's a waste that your story feels like a kid's cartoon. All I can recommend is taking the time to read novels or short stories that are written for even just teenagers, because if you keep writing without branching out to read other works you're going to get stuck in the same old habits.

>>58510651
That's why I asked for a little more clarity since I feel like the scope and interpretation of what you're saying is wider than you might be giving it credit for. On the subject of the dialogue being too long, it sounds like you might suggest that I take a look at interactions I have in the middle of a fight, and see if I originally have maybe 4-6 lines, I should examine how I cut that down to 2?
As for the giddiness during fights, that's just how some of them operate, Anon feels at home on a battlefield and it's a place where he can truly shine. He believe that even with dire stakes, it's important to be a beacon in those dark times. He also just finds fighting really damn fun and it kinda feeds more into this theme that when they're at each other's backs they feel unstoppable. I can see how that can eliminate some of the tension, so I will try to be more conscious of the mood in the air and find a good balance. After some of the feedback yesterday I did take a look through a book my wife just got finished reading by an author she found recently that she really enjoys. It has some good examples of dialogue that I'm hoping I can learn from.

>>58404393
I saw this thread on the front page. I know nothing about virtual youtubers but I have been attracted to pictures of Polka ever since some anon I liked avatarfagged with her.
I just had to say all that for no reason, bye.

>>58512095
Polka is indeed cute. Bye

>>58404600
Emotionless sex with Jigoku 6 Mori

All these polka images are making me thirsty for her pee

>>58511615
You're not listening. This is what >>58477181 would look like with less* bloat.
Not "no bloat", because that would require changes made to conversation beats that I'm not touching because it's not my story. There's also an unusual thing where characters say "I will try to do X" when they should say "I will do X". It really adds to that feeling that nothing in the story is real and all of the characters are actors.
>“We’ll just have to write that one ourselves then!” Flare declares. “I've got a good idea on where to start. That weird stone has been glowing red since that demon was summoned, and the sorceress was pretty bent on Pomu not reaching it earlier. If we smash that thing to pieces, it might take away some of that thing’s power, and it should also free the fairies too!”
>“It might even undo the summoning!” Watame adds.
>“Exactly. I doubt it’s going to let us near that stone though, so we’ll have to restrict its movements somehow, and I think you got just the spell to help us do that, Anon.” Flare winks.
>“Maybe you’re right, but you know I can’t quite cast that spell on my own.” You say, clutching your spell book. “I bet Polka has some of her juice back after our battle earlier, and I’m almost spent myself, so who wants to do me the honors?”
>“It should be me.” The half-elf says. “My magic is basically useless against that thing, so at least this way I can give all I got into some spells that might actually work. Watame can still support us with her magic too.”
>“Y-you can count on me! I'll break that stone the first chance I get!” Pomu said.
>“What if that witch makes it explode like she did earlier?” Polka asks. “We may not be able to get close enough to actually hit the thing.”
>Watame raised her hand. “I can do it then!” “Polka, Nene, if you throw me really hard towards it, I can bust through the magic with my horns!”
>“Like you did earlier?” Flare grins. “That’s brilliant Watame! I bet if Pomu fights alongside us too, they will be so focused on killing her, they won’t even notice you in time to stop you.”
>“Let’s do it!” Pomu cheers.
It's like you don't trust adult readers to understand hopeful characters without spelling it out every single time.

>>58514578
Your changes are a bit tedious to find like this. Pic related should help

>>58511615
Cutting down the amount of lines will help a little bit, but I don't think it will strike the core of the issue. Looking back on our conversation and this post, it might just be down to a difference taste. If I personally found a story with your writing style in a bookstore I would mark it down as a children's novel. People can still enjoy it, but the basic, extremely easy to read prose, happy-go-lucky characters and other aspects that make it feel childish just aren't for me. You seem to be ok with that and don't want to change what it is you're doing or how you're telling your story, so we can leave it there. Your opinion is just as valid as mine, and we could go back and forth for ages only to never reach a consensus.
I guess a last ditch piece of advice I can give to possibly get you closer to understanding how I felt when reading is this:
Have more faith in your audience. People can build an image in their head pretty easily and can make their own assumptions from time to time. Don't treat them like idiots and don't answer questions they never had. Like I keep saying, even if it's not intentional, this reads like it's meant for kids. If you don't understand what I mean or think that your story isn't doing that at all, then don't worry about it. As I said, it's most likely just a difference in taste. Thank you for at least listening to my advice.

>>58511615
>>58514578
I can see where the criticism is coming from, but trying to consolidate it into a "it's like a children's book" angle doesn't make much sense to me. One criticism is spelling things out too much that can be inferred (show don't tell, even though this is more of a movie/TV rule), and another one is how happy-go-lucky the characters are and how the world and plot accomodates it.

>>58477181
NTA but I agree with this being too much. If I were to rewrite this it would look like:
>“We’ll just have to write that one ourselves then!” Flare declares confidently. “I think I've got an idea. That weird stone has been glowing red ever since that demon was summoned, and the sorceress was hellbent on Pomu not reaching it. I say we smash that thing to pieces and see what happens."

>Watame watches the stone and nods. "It's worth a try."

>"I doubt it’s going to let us near that stone, so we’ll have to restrict its movements." Flare gives you a wink. "How about that spell of yours, Anon?"

>“I can’t quite cast it on my own," you say, moving to pick up your spell book. "I'm almost spent, so who wants to do the honors?”

>“It should be me,” the half-elf says as she places a hand over her chest. “My magic is useless against that thing, so I'll put everything into some spells that might actually work."

>“What if that witch makes it explode with magic like she did earlier?” Polka asks. “We may not be able to get close enough."

>“I can do it!” Watame volunteers with a raised hand. “Polka, Nene, throw me towards the stone. I bet I can bust through the magic with my horns!”

>“Like you did earlier?” Flare asks as she reaches a pleasant realization. “That’s brilliant Watame! You keep fighting with us Pomu, to keep them distracted."

>“Okay, let’s do it!” Pomu cheers, undeterred by the idea of being used as bait.

It's not perfect but I can't just change the entire thing. I'll admit I don't know the context for this scene but I do see where the criticism is coming from, and what I've written above is my suggestion.

>>58515594
I don't understand what you mean.

>>58517116
Just that focusing on the points separately without trying to consolidate them into one big criticism is better, I guess.

So how many words are you going to try and write today anon?
Bonus Question: How long have you been stuck with your current wip?

I like HoloJourneys.

>>58517247
Oh yeah, for sure. I think the story does in fact read like a children's story due to certain writing choices, but that's separate from telling and not showing, which is just a common mistake many amateur writers make.

>>58514578
Gotcha I think I see what you're going for, and the side by side >>58515134 helps as well. From these and the other alteration >>58516825
made, I can see how the conversation is enhanced by making the words and descriptors seem more natural given the high pace of the situation while it gets the point across while not being explicit about it.
I'm also sorry my writing comes off to you like I don't trust my readers for some reason, since that couldn't be more far from the truth. I just write it how it comes to my mind and see if it puts a smile on my face when I read it. There are definitely things I can do to keep making that experience better, so I will practice being a little less on the nose with some things like >>58515357 is saying. I am also not sure how I might have come off as not wanting to change or improve my writing through the exchanges that have been going on. I pride myself on accepting feedback and taking it to heart. I'm not saying I will try to radically change my writing style or delivery overnight, but I will continue to learn and improve my writing as I go along. It may not result in the way you might ultimately wish for, but I want to drive the point home that I'm not some fossil who never wants to change or find new techniques and methods to tell the story I want. We all start somewhere, and we can all grow with the more that we do and try. And thank you for taking the time to give me this advice.

>>58518448
Kudos for trying. Again, sorry if I sounded harsh.

>>58517289
The day's over for me, but I've squeezed out 2.3k words in the past 48 hours, so I'd say about 1k today.
>Bonus
we're coming up on two years...

>>58517289
it's almost midnight and I wasn't able to get anything done
writer's block sucks

>>58517289
500 words a day is my general goal at the moment
Bonus:
I'm creeping on 2 weeks and already revised the story 3 times, and finally settled an idea and tone that I'm happy with. good progress in my book

>>58519281
is this that rockcest one?

>>58519916
yes

>>58520768
Based. no pressure but I'm looking forward to it so if it's bad I'm shooting several people in the street before turning the gun on myself

>>58521063
Will the Bijou I'm working on stop that?

Suisei ghosting you and treating you with contempt after she's mercilessly wrung your balls dry after an intense sex session / dick sucking session and only treating you with affection and love when you've fully recovered.
Suisei selling you off to Miko when she finds you no longer useful and being subjected to mental abuse by the man hating baby.

>>58522422
It's more the incest than the biboo that I'm hype for but it might

>>58521063
before you get your hopes up too far, I plan for this to be a pretty slow burn before going into any of the incest, I haven't even decided if I wanted to add a smut scene or not.

>>58522896
The Forbidden Love part is the best part!

>>58523266
my brother

>>58522896
Cmon, you gotta give us a scene with that rock cock in action!

>>58404600
Towa loses a bet with a fellow demon and has to assume the role of a succubus for a week

>>58517289
I already got like 10 down. It's something.
>Bonus
Almost a year now...

>>58525720
I want to get on Towa's suck-you-bus.

>>58517332
I don't like HoloJourneys.

>>58517332
>>58528530
I have no strong feelings one way or the other

>>58517332
>>58528530
>>58528843
I haven't read HoloJourneys

I remain ambivalent about holojourneys.

>>58517332
I've never read a word of HoloJourneys but HoloJourneysAnon's frequent Polkaposting and endless optimism brightens my mood every day

I am legally unable to give my opinion on HoloJourneys.

>>58529460
He is a wholesome and productive poster here for sure.

>>58529460
>>58529661
I like him too. Wish i had as much time to write as he seems to have but it feels like every week i get covered up in work crap

>>58529564
What the hell did you do man?

>>58530239
its always rape lamy or rape ui but what about pekora?
she deserves to get manhandled in the showers

>>58404393

>>58530496
Pekora isn't sexy.

>>58532161
I disagree. I like her mama more, but she's gonna look like her mama someday.

>>58532119
I'm going to huff that chair like I'm snorting cocaine.

>>58530496
I don't know, she's the kind of girl that I prefer to see genuinely addicted to a cock.

>>58528530
I too, am not a not a fan of it.
But I dislike HF even more.

>>58533708
This Anon HATES adventure and whimsy

Oh yeah? well I HATE [fanfic]!

>>58534454
Correction - I just genuinely do not like Coco and any fic having her as a main lead (romance or not) already kills my difficulty trying to read or interest in the story.
And before you accuse me being a bug, I just never liked Coco (avatar AND personality) same with her Kson persona.

>>58530496
>>58532161
>>58532410
>>58533437
I feel like Pekora and her general dislike for lewdness lends it to a really hot fic where she goes into heat but refuses to mate, which leads to you constantly ganking her across the office, because you want her to beg for cock
>dry humping her in the elevator, worshipping her ass when she's on a ladder, constant creepshots and attempts at coping a feel
>she 's going crazy with the need to breed, the seething hatred for your actions and her own pride that is cockblocking her

>>58535157
Correction - This Anon is GAY

>>58535225
I liked the wholesome "Pekora needs someone she trusts to finally breed with" approach theorised for HJ more.
If she doesn't want to breed with anyone toys and masturbating should solve her heat issues.

>>58535225
I respect your opinion, even though it is incorrect.

>>58534610
I am the author and I say: Fuck you, anon, you hurt my feelings

>>58534610
I'm sorry you are two stupid and fat to understand the moral complexities and philosophical quandaries of that NSFW futa work with elements of force fem

>>58536020
God I cannot wait to build trust with this morally questionable rabbit.
And also get seduced by her mother.
>>58535157
Well you're gonna hate mine too at some point. I'd be lame if I didn't have the dragon alpha bitch in a world filled with fantasy races.

>>58535157
Are you my long lost twin?

>>58536790
I just think that the shitting scene wasn't necessary.

>>58536020
>>58536091
but i dont want that shit
i want to rape pekora, or in this case, to sexually harass her.
Why the fuck would i want to romance her? she's a weirdo

>>58537720
She is a weirdo, but she's gonna be YOUR weirdo. You can't fight this anon. You're gonna get romanraped. Accept it.

>>58537720
>she's a weirdo
That's the charm point you fool

>>58536790
I was more interested in Polka's references to the 1953 Iranian Coup while she talked to anon, really

>>58538189
That's just what happens to any nsfw fic that goes on long enough. It either fully descends into smut or it starts getting wacky like that.

>>58538533
Yeah, I noticed that. Stopped reading when the author began describing Fubuki's ant hill sculpture collection. That was a bit too weird for my taste.

I can't think of a good chapter titled

>>58539056
Do the reverse title drop method and steal the title from a line someone says in it.

>>58538918
THAT was the deal breaker for you? The chapter where Shiori named EVERY FUCKING FANFIC IN THE ARCHIVE was fucking retarded, not to mention how she gave unwarranted comments on them.
FUCK YOU ANON, YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO MY FICS LIKE THAT

>>58539441
So that's why the wordcount was 46k; most of it was just pages full of fanfic titles.

>>58537980
>>58538162
yeah no, numberbunny is a terrible romance partner, ill stay happy just knocking her up while she claws my back, then watching her seethe at me because i wont fork a dime over the kid

>>58540699
She never wanted the money, she has enough of it.
She wanted (you), anon.

>>58540300
God this is just making me imagine this as an April fool's fic. You set up a futanari forced fem scenario but it just gets interrupted midway by conversations and descriptions coming out of nowhere until the end where you find Shiori and ask her what she's reading. Cue Shiori listing every single fanfic and commenting on them.

>>58540699
>numberbunny

please go back to /#/

>>58541157
Since we're still pretty far from April first, everyone's gonna forget about this discussion and it'll be perfect to release by then

>>58541658
NTA but pekora IS a numberbunny. She's also great and lovely,but she does constantly check her numbers on stream and talk about growth and stuff

>>58540699
>>58541658
>>58541794
SUCCESS

BREEDS

JEALOUSY

>>58541873
SUCCESS

BREEDS

BREEDING

pekora is fine but the money is in Senchou wearing a rabbit tail buttplug

>>58532161
She is, she just doesn't lean into it at all

>>58542959
>The idea of writing Marine pretending to be rabbit folk with the full getup is a good one
>Have to rationalize where she managed to find a bunny tail plug in a country of rabbit people
>hfw she will have had it beforehand and tries to hide that fact

>>58499210
I drive to pretty places with water noise, sit in my car and smoke weed. Every writer should have a cheap, light plastic lap-desk with a pillow bottom and fountain pens. All the good creativity is largely happening on physical media and I end up having to type it back into the computer. It just so happens the Japanese make the world's best paper anyway, the rest is disputed, but not the paper.

>>58544636
Dude weed lmao

>>58499210
I walk around my house while talking to myself, try to describe the scene to someone. Otherwise I daydream while listening to music.

>>58544843
Yeh, physical things. Go back to the real world where writing actually happens even if you're not writing about it.

>>58548108
I think you need to layoff the weed, pothead.

>>58499210
i have a really overactive imagination. Even though im past my 20's, i still make up little amvs in my head with everything. Which is why i always listen to music when im stuck.
"One step closer" is the perfect jam to write a Kanata falling because she wishes to uphold the values of fair judgement

>>58543170
With how small a bunny tail is that's just making me think of Marine wearing it, getting horny, but no one noticing it.
Then she meets Sora who also has the same problem of always wearing a bunny tail but no one noticing.

>>58549244
>have a really overactive imagination. Even though im past my 20's, i still make up little amvs in my head with everything. Which is why i always listen to music when im stuck

Holy shit I thought i was the only one.

>>58550527
All im saying is that you are not ready for the upbeat OPs and chill EDs my brain can conjure

>>58547284
>I walk around my house while talking to myself
Least schizophrenic /wg/ writer.

>>58549244
we really need to study the dork singularity.
Every single person that gets involved with Shiori overloads in dorkyness

How do we stop her?

>>58549244
>Come up with AMVs at work
>Too tired to actually write when I get home from my spine-destroyer job
>Forget what I imagined

>>58553018
I write fanfiction of women pretending to be anime girls. How the fuck did you expect me to be normal?

>>58517289
Today was about outlining. I got a few scenes played out so far. I hadn't done an outlining process in a while so it's enjoyable to tackle a new chapter from that angle again. Might start getting some words to paper tomorrow.

>>58517289
I'm just making the very final touches. Right now I'm deciding if its best to do a fight scene or leave it for the chapter coming after. It would work either way, just can't really decide which is best.

>bonus

Not long at all. Balsa has been flowing out of my like water almost from start to end. I've been working on the past chapter for around two days or so and not a single word has been difficult. It's as easy to write as Building Block Doll was, just overflowing with ideas for it, especially now.

>>58405773
Parappa the brapper

>>58562603
Imagine the smell

>>58404600
Gura using Bloop as a fart cushion during her stream

>>58404600
(You) are a male chuuba working for a corpo. One day, while shitposting on your favorite image board, you come across a thread where RM photos of you at your company's office are being posted. The OP claims to be a femanon who "works same company" as you do and "likes take pictures" of you. The other anons in the thread theorize that it must be a chuuba, maybe JP because almost all their posts are machine-translated. But who the hell is stalking and doxxing you like this?

>ideas flowing through my head like a fuckin firehose
>zero motivation to sit down and write em
I wish I could just implant my thoughts into all of your brains and you’d all go “oh damn yeah that’s hot as fuck”

>>58567481
Just make some notes about your ideas anon, better than just having them and forgetting about it. Call it making an outline if you're making it in a proper file.
Or hell, just post your idea straight to here. We could always use more interesting ideas to pick up or play around with.

>>58567481
You could try and make greentexts out of them. They're quick to make.

have any good monologue?

>>58567886
Forgetting them isn’t an option, I have this fuckin implanted in my brain
>>58567996
Greentext wouldn’t satisfy the buildup leading up to the heavy payoff I have in mind
Honestly I was just venting to bump the thread
I’ll get around to it someday

>>58568244
Hey, I'm sure an idea that doesn't require a ton of build-up will one day cross your mind.

>>58568244
The how about you share your ideas then? As the many cases of two cakesing that have happened here shows, it's not the idea but the execution that matters.

>>58567481
>I wish I could just implant my thoughts into all of your brains and you’d all go “oh damn yeah that’s hot as fuck
Ah yes, instant communication with all the nuances and emotions transferred as well. The dream of mankind since time immemorial. Like how the Dark Ones communicate in the Metro novels. All other forms of media would be rendered obsolete.

>>58565795
>fellow chuuba and secretly your oshi is doing a room review stream
>Your room shows up part way through with your oshi branded clock showing its like 3am and you asleep under the covers

>>58568572
The base idea has already been shared and discussed in the thread, and someone else is already working on a similar fic(the Mori collar-play discussion)
The ideas I have are related to the details of how the fic will play out, which would just be tantamount to spoiling a fic I plan on writing out in full eventually

>>58568704
>3 am.
>You wake up because of a discord DM from one of your genmates
>"Yo Anon dis you??"
>They send a YT link and you open it
>Oh sweet, your oshi's live
>She's doing the room review stream
>It's your fucking room at 3 am
>your oshi is saying how nice it looks
>yfw

>>58565795
This concept makes me think of that fic "Saviourfag" but instead the Kiara grooming starts at your recruitment to a corpo rather than you being a 2view indiem

>>58569670
>Freshly cracked open bottle of FubuRingo
Mmmmmm

>>58569802
Please do not drink cat-fox pee

So, are any of the new JP girls good? Would any of them bully an innocent Anon into submission?

>>58570202
One of them smokes and I think that's cool.

>>58570202
Kanade's Passion English is really cute. Raden seems like the most likely to bully you

>>58570202
They're all pretty good as streamers. Watching Ririka play DDLC was a lot of fun.
As for writing fodder? I think Ririka and Raden have the most potential, but all three can work if you get creative or have a set idea in mind.

>>58570327
Is Ririka the pon kind of gyaru or the evil kind?

>>58570202
I liked Ririka, but her tits are literally sacks of water. It looks jarring.

>>58570661
Pon. Shes the "gyaru with okatu hobbies" trope comes to life.

>>58570839
It's so over masochist bros...

>>58570894
Honestly, your best bet out of the five is Hajime if you can get over her sounding like the crossbred experiment of Miko and Luna

>>58570202
I think the most potential for being a bully is in Raden... but like in that Mori at a konbini greentext way where her natural smoker aura just overwhelms you into doing what she says even if you don't understand what she wants.

>>58571127
Hahaha damn. Now i have to watch a stream at least

>>58570202
>>58570894
Who are your favorite femdom targets, Anon? I feel like actual real femdom that doesn't turn into comedy or domination loss is pretty rare around here.
Incidentally I was searching through the archive earlier for a good teasing footjob and came to the conclusion that the only thing that even approached what I was looking for was The Lioness's Paws

>>58573287
I think I've said this before but I really like the idea of Mori femdom... despite the fact that it's in between a rock and a hard place where you either make it character accurate and lose all seriousness when it comes to the dialogue due to how she talks or lose character accuracy if you try to make her have hot dialogue.

>>58573685
>really like the idea of Mori femdom

Yikes

>>58573287
I'd like to write femdom but I have no firm idea on with whom either. Suggestions are welcome

>>58574137
Most personality types can actually pull it off. Different people are just predisposed to different types of specific play. Like, Lui might tie you up and confidently twirl you around her little finger until she's milked you dry, while Matsuri might step on your balls and laugh at how much of a pathetic piggy you are before making you jerk yourself off to completion, while Aqua might suffocate you beneath her huge ass and dirty talk on request only to get super embarrassed afterwards. It's better to think of a scenario first and then find a chuuba to fit the mold

>>58573685
Her not acting like herself could in itself be a part of the situation. Seeing her "snap" and drop the usual dork routine could hammer the point home that she's well and truly pissed off.

>>58404600
Here's something for all the poldepression fans
>>58566031

>>58576832
It's barebones, but there's such a great deal of dramatic tragedy in that. Things go from bad to worse; I love it. Would prefer a suicide ending because it's more poignant.

>>58574137
Femanon femdom findom

>>58577823
I'm not doing anon x anon, so it needs at least one chuuba in the pair.

>>58577862
I don't how to fit femdom in here, but here's an interesting idea:
Chuuba promises to have sex with you on one condition: you will be blindfolded. You agree. You don't know that she promised the exact same thing to some other anon.

>>58577862
i just wanted to be funny

>>58574137
Laplus manipulating an innocent shota that she's just like them and she's going to show them something really cool as soon as they take off their clothes.

>>58574137
Gentle Femdom with Zeta, where she whispers in your ears and guides you through the sex, all while you are wearing a blindfold
Its imperative she plays with your nipples and brushes her's against yours, all while being nice

>>58577862
I mean with something like that it seems perfect to use second person to hide that femanon was actually *insert chuuba here* all along at the end as the ending reveal.

>>58578438
A-chan blowing all her money on Sora

>>58578225
This, except she's not gentle at all (but still nice).

>>58578943
What about A-chan blowing sora instead?

guys the thread

>>58580815
Oh nooooooo

>>58580815
>>58581176
Oh nyo.... it's shiover...

Nene's mama to close out the thread

Gonna baaaaaake

My hagwife and our daughter to close the thread.

>>58583482
GET NTR'D
BY ME