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/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers


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57577467 No.57577467 [Reply] [Original]

This is the writing thread, for all of your fanfiction needs and desires. We’re currently hosting the /vt/ Writing Rumble, a writing contest for the whole board to get involved in. The info page & contest archive can be found here: rentry.org/WGWC

Check the main archive below for everything the thread has put out so far, ranging from SFW to NSFW, fluff to tragedy, small literary works and shitposts alike!
https://script.google.com/macros/s/AKfycbxZVzygb0QjJ6hksAEYzCbLCegxsjhui97BB73qzPvU7GgJv6fXdAPmmIv6Qt9H5d5Fzg/exec

>"Isn't this just you fuckers writing fanfiction?"
Yes.

Previous Thread: >>57444583
/wg/ rentry: https://rentry.org/wgrentry/

>> No.57577611
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57577611

Story anchor.
Post 'em if you got 'em.

>> No.57577695
File: 1.21 MB, 1000x865, wg prompt bounty board.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57577695

Do you have a story you'd like to see written? Reply to this post with it! Try to be as clear and concise as possible; the better you describe your idea, the more likely it is to be picked up!

Consider forwarding your prompt to the prompt archive to keep your idea safe and alive forever! No information is gathered - it's all completely anonymous. Use the form below:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScgcr8y7I9NUta22Ni0gFvS51veG5_7XjJrVD1BvJqDtX5_sQ/viewform

Curious to see the prompt archive? Check it out here if you need a little more inspiration!
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/3/d/e/2PACX-1vR5ZggiHWXX_WSqCC5bvPR2QeLFGNMTjlgk6MuxmoVdRUIepkJa7PUlJAQ5RzHkZM_hhthLLXjab9Dt/pubhtml?gid=1162270883&single=true

>> No.57577820
File: 109 KB, 321x389, 1663639439418466.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57577820

Story recap!
There was one story posted last thread!

Balsa Chapter Twenty One >>57472923
tags: (you), multiple chuubas, medieval fantasy

>> No.57580967
File: 192 KB, 1534x2048, Ina messy hair.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57580967

/VT/ WRITING RUMBLE
The writing contest's voting period is now underway! You can vote for your favourite contest entries using the following Google Forms link:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdlEP3lOlGJI42lNOAcrM1Lr0rGcxZAGhdF7sl371xLhYsbTg/viewform?usp=sf_link

>> No.57582222

>>57577695
Bed breaking sex with Shorin

>> No.57584682
File: 1.16 MB, 1080x1036, amogus.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57584682

post that one-liner you never got to use
>"The only deadbeat here is your father"

>> No.57584810

>>57584682
Booooooo

>> No.57585647
File: 201 KB, 463x453, tacticle ogey.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57585647

Here's a thought I've been mulling over:

I saw that one guy who made a VN of his story right? And while I'm not about to make anything even remotely so ambitious, I have commissioned a number of pictures in my day. I know a guy who draws manga panels particularly well and so I wondered if maybe I should draw a page for Balsa. I'm not going to make a whole manga of it since these pages cost usually 50-60$ a pop but I think it would be fun.

If I do, what scene would you like to see? I have a few in mind myself but always fun to hear others' thoughts. I know its not that popular but I'm that passionate about this.

>> No.57587437

>>57585647
Joke answer, but I'd like a flashback about Botan saying her breasts grew after becoming a spear.

>> No.57587579

>>57587437
the moment I posted this I knew someone would say that.

>> No.57587839
File: 518 KB, 1916x603, Hololive Family.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57587839

>>57577695

Hopefully this will start some story ideas

>> No.57587976

>>57587839
This just makes me wonder what that anon making that in-depth chuuba cyoa is doing.
Though to answer, Fuwamoco because three-way incest hot.

>> No.57589272
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57589272

dead as doornails in here

>> No.57589570

>>57589272
Sorry, I'm busy writing.

>> No.57589602

>>57589570
What a NERD

>> No.57590654

>>57587839
Where's the option with Suisei as my sister?

>> No.57592648

>>57590654
Next time

>> No.57594511

>>57550934
Sounds interesting. Bondage is the kind of fetish that doesn't need much story around it (or even sex, necessarily).

>> No.57595573

>>57507993
>>57508689
>This is too hard, I'll have to use my ultimate technique.
>COTTON CANDY! COTTON CANDY! Get me out of here!
>Anonora, you're supposed to use the safe word on the sex stuff, not on puzzles!
>I don't care! I don't consent, luknights, let me out of this torture machine!
>Torture machine na!? I'm the one tied to 3 vibrators! You just need to solve a jigsaw puzzle! And it's only 48 pieces nanora!

>> No.57596848

>>57589272
I guess everyone's playing Starfield?

>> No.57597447

>>57596848
This place has become exceedingly boring with the lack of shitposting

>> No.57597548

>>57596848
It's just a slow time of day when no discussion happens to pop up. /wg/ is biased towards people with good English, and most of those are either asleep or just awake.

>> No.57597594

>>57595573
As funny as this is, I sincerely hope that all goes well with Luna and Anon.

>> No.57597831
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57597831

So I've been thinking about that Bijou prompt last thread.
If you wanted to take it in a more dramatic direction would it be better to drop the pet rock angle and just have her be a rock girl you bully in middle/high school? I get that the initial joke that spurred this on was that comment about wanting to fuck a rock if it was a hololive member but I don't think any drama would survive a flashback about bullying her when it becomes about skipping her across a pond or drawing a lewd expression on her rocky exterior.

>> No.57599534

>>57597831
That's certainly more sensible, though you could take it in a fairytale direction a la The Princess and the Frog.

>> No.57599558

>>57577467
Look at that big mouth.

>> No.57599662
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57599662

>>57599558
Perfect for things that require big mouths.

>> No.57599754

>>57599534
>Anon kisses the googly-eyed Pet Rock
>It turns into Bijou
Kino.

>> No.57600161

>>57599754
Okay now that's just making me think this would be a rekindled romance thing where you did kiss that googly eyed pet rock in the past but for some reason left her and now she's out for her revenge after becoming an idol. Maybe you were the one that put her in hell prison?

>> No.57601129
File: 3.75 MB, 2830x2830, 90a5184d45136be4bfadc0d230bcb162.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57601129

against my better judgement, and with the encouragement and help of HJanon, i have decided to write more of An Incredible Bitch. this time we're going to back to the first year of Astronomy 101 (yes, Astrology was dumb mistake) where (You) and the diamond in the rough first meet and begin to develop the intense disgust that carries throughout the rest of the story.

baking time will be around several weeks unless i get another surge of MIGHTY NEED. definitely going to use a basic outline/road map this go around, too.

you won't want to miss it.

>> No.57601141
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57601141

>>57599754
>you kissed her once when you were a kid and had a long day spent playing and going on adventures together
>but it was a Swan Lake situation and she turned back into a rock at midnight
>you woke up in the morning with Bijou gone and just sort of brushed the whole thing off as a weird dream
>years pass and you grow up
>all the while, Bijou waits and hopes for the next time she'll get to have another fun day

>> No.57601227

>>57601141
God damn. That can be a very poignant fic if handled right.

>> No.57601349
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57601349

>>57597594
As if i would ever want to disappoint this adorable princess.

>> No.57601583
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57601583

>>57601129
>Astrology
You should have rolled with it and made it a magic university.

>> No.57601608

>>57597594
>>57601349
The good thing about fictional BDSM is that you can write it going as well as you want it to. It can be pretty stressful irl because once your partner is under your control you have all the responsibility of making it a good experience for both of you. If someone is going to put so much trust in you the thought of letting her down is scary.

>> No.57602003
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57602003

>>57601608
I also like the idea of Luna of all people being the one to introduce Anon to roleplay. I think it would be fun to write about a scenario where she sets up her trap dungeon that anon has to work through to find her at the end who is playing the role of an evil big boss that he has to stop and depending on the night or how things might naturally progress, anon could be stuck in a "bad end". Gotta note this one down.

>> No.57602176

>>57577695
Sora making journal entries about all the times she spies on (You) masturbating.

>> No.57602234

>>57601583
I mean, it could be magic astrology.

>> No.57602612
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57602612

>>57602176
>September 2nd (#1)
>He's looking at fanart of Sui-chan again today. I know she doesn't like being seen that way, but I can't really blame him for finding her attractive.
>September 2nd (#2)
>Choco-sensei in a swimsuit this time. Fantasizing about having fun with her at the beach? Output was smaller this time. He should really give his body more time to replenish between sessions.
>September 2nd (#3)
>Me in my new costume. Or more accurately, midway through taking it off. It's kind of embarrassing, but at the same time, I feel a little happy.

>> No.57602760

>>57602176
I misread this at first and thought there was a 'while' between 'You' and 'masturbating'. Which made an interesting thought about sora writing one hand down there, the other trying to document you.

>> No.57603423

>>57602612
This just reminds me of the Iroha porn reviewer greentexts from before.

>> No.57604585
File: 486 KB, 640x639, 1669559051954543.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57604585

>>57603423
God that was a good batch.

>> No.57605083
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57605083

>>57601129
That's the spirit. Take your time and make it the best it can be.

>> No.57605163

>>57601141
Kind of related but Bijou cramming herself into small spaces and turning into a rock whenever she’s scared are aspects of her character that I really want to write about. I should get started on a Bijou fic…

>> No.57605351
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57605351

i dropped my notes just to add to the bijou discussion
>Meet Bijou in middle school, thick frame glasses and small stature makes her perfect to pick on by you and other kids. She's always going about being a powerful crystal or something
>Gift her the pebble with googly eyes as a mean gift. Telling her "they are the same". Bijou cries because of this
>Last year of highschool, you've changed and you are no longer a fuckwit
>Bijou shows up again, she's been triying to leave her past behind.
>both of you get assigned to a project
>real human bean moment where you both try to grow and heal by confronting the past

>> No.57605824

>>57605163
That's just making me think Bijou has her past form of a pet rock with googly eyes as her shoulder devil that tells her she can't do it. With maybe her purple gem being her shoulder angel that throws out her inner voice of hope.

>> No.57606032
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57606032

>>57605824
>the gem glows when it talks and has a suitably angelic voice
>the pebble speaks entirely in rock. as in, it never says anything, but Bijou and the gem react as if it does

>> No.57607431
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57607431

>tfw you write something that comes full circle

>> No.57608102

>>57605824
>>57606032
Isn't the rock with googly eyes just her fanbase representation? Her "past form" should be a bit different at least.

>> No.57608584

>>57608102
This discussion is continuing off of last thread's bijou prompt >>57530081 her being a pet rock was one of those things it just settled on.

>> No.57609450

>>57607431
>garnished with a title drop
There isn't a better feeling

>> No.57610205
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57610205

>>57609450
fuck. Now I HAVE to work that in. Thanks asshole.

>> No.57610470

>>57597831
I got totally sidetracked yesterday making DRG jokes because they're just so easy when it comes to her, but this idea seems good.

>>57601129
Excited about this

>> No.57610486

>>57610205
You're welcome!

>> No.57612046

>>57608584
That's fair, but not every pet rock has to look exactly like the fanbase representation she made.

>> No.57612934
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57612934

>> No.57613866

>>57612934
God I want to fuck Iroha so fucking bad holy shit

>> No.57613967
File: 569 KB, 2646x3527, 1693672039395718.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57613967

>>57613866
Heterosexual hands typed this post.

>> No.57614639

>>57612934
>>57613866
>>57613967
What Eroha does to a mf

>> No.57614799

>>57612934
This looks like Iroha post-mindbreak corruption.......

>> No.57614980

>>57614799
>Iroha dressing herself provocatively so she can lure in unscrupulous would-be-rapist gang-bangers and butcher them in a back alley
I know that isn't the kind of corruption you were probably imagining, but...

>> No.57616554

>>57577695

Something with Laplus in it. She gets so little mileage, and she has such a good design and premise.

>> No.57616691

>>57614980
>butcher them in a back alley
As in, physically butchering them, or turning them into upstanding citizens of society?

>> No.57617139
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57617139

>>57616554
In the last thread, there was a bit of discussion about Laplus finally breaking free of her limiter... only to be saddled with taking care of kid versions of the rest of HoloX.

>> No.57617557
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57617557

>>57616691
You already know the answer to that.

>> No.57617564

>>57613967
Suisei will never fuck you.

>> No.57617607

>>57617564
Iroha will get the blussy one day

>> No.57617646

>>57617607
The day that happens is the day Marine gets a serious romance story written about her.

>> No.57617788

I just saw this on the shiori general. It's not by me but i figured the rest of you should have a look
>>57606089

>>57617646
There's a couple already

>> No.57617889

>>57617788
Okay, then let me take back what I said regarding Marine as I wasn't expecting genuine comments at all.

>> No.57618285

>>57617564
That was a compliment.

>> No.57618690

>>57617788
It's a running gag.

>> No.57618748

Tourist here that got directed here from the Shiori general, I don't think the stuff I've written is of the highest quality, it's all greentext posting anyway, but I was curious if I were allowed to crosspost my shit here just so it's remembered one day.

>> No.57618755

>>57617788
Name three (3)
please

>> No.57619047

>>57618748
Nothing wrong with greentexts. You could also compile them in a rentry or Google Doc to collectively archive them here

>> No.57619163

>>57618748
Go for it dude. We've got plenty of greentexts in the archive.

>> No.57619364
File: 53 KB, 500x500, Mogogo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57619364

>>57617788
So this is what happens when her sister doesn't keep her under control.

>> No.57619390

>>57618748
go for it brother, either repost it here or >>57619047 google doc it for better ease of access/no wall of text

>> No.57619400

>>57618285
You'll have to forgive me then because I genuinely couldn't read it as that.

>> No.57619910

>>57617788
>>57617889
>"I SAY WE CAN DO IT! WE CAN GET A BOYFRIEND EVEN! LOOK AT KANATA, SHE GOT TOWA"
>"hahah, good luck femcels, she's gonna be here soon
>"Oi, you aint too fat and ugly to not get raped gaki"
>"I apologize for my outburst Captain

>> No.57619921

>>57619400
Fair. "[x] hands typed this post" is rarely used in a positive context.

>> No.57620268

>>57618690
Oh, i know. It's one of my favorites

>>57618755
She's not horny, she's lonely
She's happy
A pirate's sea smarts

>> No.57620370
File: 885 KB, 1080x1080, samurai_gozaru.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57620370

>>57614980
I've had this idea in my head for a bit of Iroha running with a group of violent bandits but still being her kinda pon country bumpkin self.

>Pillaging a nobleman estate
>Servants and family are killed, all the valuables looted, house torched
>As the noble sits on his knees, a broken man, Iroha walks up
>The rest of her crew stop and watch what she's gonna do next
>She suddenly gets nervous with everyone staring
>"D-...uh....Di-um.....D-Die in hell! I-Idiot!"
>everyone erupts into cheers as she cuts his head off and runs away embarrassed

>> No.57620575
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57620575

>>57618748
Just going to cross-post most of them if you don't mind.
Most of them were written as prompts given by other anons in the general when I asked for them. I don't particularly focus on writing, just doing it as a side hobby because my oshi somehow inspired me to start writing.
>>55672280 Cuddling on a stormy day
>>55673985 An xmas eve date
>>55674564 A tragic break-up
>>57245907 A loss of ambition
>>57311911 The fantasy battle
>>57312469 Date ending in a rainy day
>>57518414 Kouhai
>>57519837 Kouhai follow-up

>> No.57620667

>>57620370
>later that night
>"D-Did I really do okay?"
>"You did great, Boss."
>"Are you sure? I kinda flubbed it with the cool one-liner part at the end..."
>"Don't worry about it, the boys loved it."
>"...Really? You mean it?"
>"I mean it. So you can stop hiding under the covers now."

>> No.57620755
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57620755

>>57620370
>>57620667
Iroha should give in to her master's desire and become an edgy samurai like that one concept about turning her into your living weapon through repeated sex and defeat

>> No.57620774
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57620774

>>57620575
You guys are alright. Don't go the way of /clock/.

>> No.57620934
File: 89 KB, 640x685, TowaIfSheWasAGirl.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57620934

>>57619910
Towa...

>> No.57620982

>>57620755
Isn't that the one where (you) did the same thing to some other chuuba I don't remember in order to get them to fight?

>> No.57621176

>>57620774
how did that turn out? (Admittedly never been into Holo prior to Shiori, was a JP indiefag follower)

>> No.57621308

>>57619910
>WE CAN GET A BOYFRIEND EVEN! LOOK AT KANATA, SHE GOT TOWA"
Towa got Kanata teenage pregnant with IRyS...

>> No.57621329

>>57620982
nope, the one im referring its >>53945551 >>54290428 this one

>> No.57621504

>>57621308
H-hot...

>> No.57621552

>>57620982
I think there was like two concepts.
The first was Iroha who loses to (You), the scum of the earth, and due to a combination of her losses and raped by you slowly turns into your weapon/sex pet.
The other was the prompt that had her be the counterpart to Reine. With you being an evil swordmaster that teaches their students to cut loose and kill people in (opposing district) while lez raping the girls of (their district). With the districts being like a rich/poor divide kind of thing.

>> No.57622989

>>57621176
Kronii's general suffered from a lot of discussion that revolved around thread celebrities, and around their associated dicksword server.

>> No.57623113

>>57622989
Oh I see, so Shiori's pre-chat mess that none of us like.

>> No.57623155

>>57623113
Chat is inherently about having a name and begging for attention, at least.

>> No.57624115

>>57577695
What about a fic where a chuuba of your choice is a complete degenerate and will do "anything" just to feed her chocolate addiction?

>> No.57624851

>>57621552
ohhh that's right, it was Reine. I forgot

>> No.57626770

>>57577695
Mio mindbreaking you into liking mommyplay, and she WILL dress you up as a high schooler.

>> No.57627735

>>57577695

No more of the chuuba being your little sister. Now, YOU are the little sister.

>> No.57627906

>>57627735
Is there a fic with a female self insert already?

>> No.57627978 [DELETED] 

>>57626770
This but (You) ARE a high schooler and Mio has been grooming you since you were in nappies.

>> No.57628306

>>57627735
>>57627906
I'd like to see a story with a femanon protagonist that is explicitly referred to as "FemAnon" in all cases

>> No.57628820

>>57628306
How about Fanon?
What situations would she get into?
>Fighting THE Anon to take her lesbian chuubas back from Anon's Hammer of Whore correction spell
>wholesome /u/
>Having to see your cursh lust over a male (me)

>> No.57628853

>>57627906

No idea.

>> No.57629071

>>57628306
>>57628820
it could easily be that prompt about the girl sucking and fucking her way to the top of the food chain

>> No.57629233

>>57629071
>That time I got reincarnated as a girl from the hololive's new generation, so now I'm going to suck and fuck my way through the food chain until I become the strongest carpet muncher

>> No.57629414

>>57627735
hot

>> No.57629473

>>57627906
>>57628306
I feel like people always start screeching tranny whenever that happens. I know it's the reason I never have a female SI, even if I'd like to write one.

>> No.57629576

>>57629473
consider this possibility:
ignoring screeching retards who probably don't have a single thing in the archive and writing what you want

>> No.57629622

>>57629071
Only if every single holo bullies you for being a glasses plain jane
>>57629473
we have unironic gay fics, oviposition, braps,futa and a trillion other things in the archive
Also who cares, this site is obsessed with calling anything a tranny because they think it wins you arguments

>> No.57629885

>>57629622
>we have unironic gay fics, oviposition, braps,futa and a trillion other things in the archive

which is why it always struck me as weird that a female self insert is the bridge to far.

Wanna write about IRyS force femming you as she films you doing embarrassing things in a dress and calls you a woman then demands you suck her futa dick? Nothing sexier.

Wanna write a normal, SFW story about anon born as a female? You sick fucking tranny, go back to twitter with your LGBT nonsense.

>> No.57629987

>>57629885
>Wanna write a normal, SFW story about anon born as a female? You sick fucking tranny, go back to twitter with your LGBT nonsense.
Yeah this, but unironically.

>> No.57630528

>>57629885
Imagine
Wholesome SFW fluff story about femanon struggling as a new manager/member/whoever else and receiving support from holos as she slowly gets better at her job and overcomes whatever problems she has.

>> No.57630998

>>57628820
I'd like some wholesome /u/. I've actually read a couple such mangas that focused more on the handholding than the sex and i liked them

>>57629233
OTOH this could be hilarious if done well. A sexy comedy type thing

>>57630528
Kind of like a self insert nodoka? Fucking sold, someone get on it

>> No.57631926
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57631926

>>57629885
It's also an issue of target audience regardless of /pol/ posting, isn't it? If you're writing for a majority male audience it makes more sense to use the (generally pretty niche) second person perspective for a male protagonist than a female one. There's always first and third person if your audience mostly isn't like your protagonist.

>> No.57632003

>>57629233
The first Nerissa fic?

>> No.57632471

>>57577695
Towa teaching you to smoke cigarettes + other drugs

>> No.57632539

>>57627906
Tower of Tattle kind of reveals that the viewpoint character was a girl all along but I'm pretty sure that wasn't intended as a reader insert given that it started out in first person.

>> No.57634179

>>57632539
You know, theres a funny story here. When I was conceptualizing the story I had landed on this over clever idea of "implying female" without being ultra overt, with stuff like behaviors, references to height, hand sizes, and so forth. And everyone I asked for feedback hated her. They were like "what the fuck is wrong with this dude?" Then I was like it's a girl, and they were like "oh I guess that's fine then."

So I just decided to be as overt as possible with it and response improved immensely.

>> No.57634875

>>57632003
You know that fic concept of 2nd person fic that hides that the reader isn't actually just a reader insert but a chuuba all along has been bouncing around for a couple of years now.

>> No.57635056

>>57634875
You could try incorporating that - if you somehow managed to avoid revealing too much during the lesbian sex with colleagues.

>> No.57636311

>>57635056
I think you make it obvious once you get to that part. Before that you imply you're 'just' a worker in holopro with hints that you're not the usual staff-san.

>> No.57640701

>Polka/Fauna/Fubuki/Ina
What do we call this thread group

>> No.57643156

>>57640701
My wives

>> No.57645526

It’s weird writing something based off of an extremely simple, stiff story
I feel compelled to try and make things sound more natural and fluid somehow

>> No.57646220
File: 147 KB, 1080x1080, 1686973922179097.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57646220

>>57645526
Why wouldn't you try to make things seem more fluid? I don't understand your conundrum.

>> No.57646655
File: 118 KB, 619x359, chp22 prev.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57646655

Hows this for a fight scene? I am not really accustomed to writing more than 1v1s.

>> No.57646779

>>57646220
I guess what I mean to say is
It’s difficult to find ways to add complexity and reasoning to a story that didn’t have it in the first place

>> No.57647113

>>57646655
You could add something about how Mel actually was no selling all the stabs she was getting, since the way it reads makes it sounds like they aren't connecting and the hagpire just kicks her away to tell her to fuck off. Some actions don't seem to have clear results, such as the kick to Mel's ankles. If Botan's attempt there is not doing anything, you should write that out.

>> No.57647606
File: 100 KB, 483x624, 1665806679735656.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57647606

>>57647113
Much appreciated. I'll make sure to make it clearer then

>> No.57648208
File: 1.22 MB, 850x1226, file.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57648208

>>57577695
A fic where you are agressively forward/sexually harassing chuubas and the wide range of reactions
>Lamy breaks your wrist
>Polka is open to it initially but she very quickly wants to back off
>Kaela is playing it cool but she's clearly bothered by it
>Ollie is split inbetween backing out and celebrating your worship of her body
>Mori is verbally abusing you but not pushing you away
>Fuwawa breaks your legs after you make a move on Mococo. Mococo doesnt hate it

>> No.57649129
File: 159 KB, 354x439, 1635803677414.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57649129

>>57620370
>Can't stop thinking about HoloX ryona when the protagonists are pushed past the point of morality out of anger towards them
AAAA

>> No.57649269

Why do you guys like beating the shit out of chuubas and vise versa so much?

>> No.57649612

>>57649269
I like envisioning different scenarios, especially since a lot of them have associated weaponry. I want to see situations where those facets of their design/lore are utilized. Even if it means taking Iroha hostage after beating the shit out of her to find out where someone the party is looking for is held in captivity.

>> No.57650108

>>57649612
I think rape would be far more effective to get that information out of her. And in her.

>> No.57650117
File: 386 KB, 1400x1526, 1663766822806298.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57650117

>>57647606
It not only makes it a bit more clearer, it's just also fun and satisfying to write. Like we are writing over the top and intense battles, we want all that good shit in full spotlight in our writing.
>no selling attacks
>getting slapped to the floor, but pick yourself up slowly as you pound the wall in your head so your body won't give out
>pulling off a devastating combo attack with a friend
>making every move swing the tide of battle
>busting out new tricks just for this moment
Inject that shit into my veins, we writing.

>> No.57650250
File: 995 KB, 850x1103, file.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57650250

>>57649269
I only like wildly exaggerated and crude violence for comedic sake, and i still bust my gut watching tom and Jerry (the one thing i can put in the tv at work and no one will complain)

But that's a dessert, a nice palate cleanser. What im after is girls getting their bodies molested and them reacting to it.
Embarrased girls is great, but so are those that love it, those that hate it, those that freeze.
I want to huff Kiara's asshole through her clothes while she's desperately triying to peel me away
I want to lick Nene's armpit while she's utterly frozen, unaware of how she should react
I want Reine to look at me with utter disgust as i worship her feet
That's what i truly love

>> No.57650724
File: 43 KB, 227x222, 1677553479460132.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57650724

>>57650117
What's a selling attack? I've never heard that term in my life.

>pulling off a devastating combo attack with a friend

This is what I'm most amped for. It's not going to be a big thing for this fight (at least how it is now. Still in editing so that may change) but later I'm going to do a lot of pair fights. Them having gifts lends well to satisfying tag team fights.

>Inject that shit into my veins, we writing.

Will do. This fight isn't going to be too crazy (and you'll see exactly why when I release it) but the other fights in this chapter and later are going to get fuckin insane.

>> No.57650988

>>57650117
>>57650724
If you feel like learning how to stage a fight, take some pointers from wrestling.
Think about it. Wrestling is a performance where they pretend to fight, so they have to sell each hit.
take a chest slap for example, a move that doesnt really do any damage in a real fight
In wrestling however, they time the motion with a stomp in the ring, which makes a big ass sound and signals the other wrestler to reel in pain.
Suddenly your Chest slap is a big attack
.
Think how things stop, how do they retain momentum, how to make them cool when you follow or break those rules.

>> No.57651006
File: 917 KB, 444x250, neverbetoncooler.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57651006

>>57650724
pic related is an example of a no sell. Just taking the blow with a straight face as if nothing happened.

>> No.57651174
File: 25 KB, 330x340, 1678333500870294.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57651174

>>57650988
I do love me some wrasslin, and it no doubt has shaped some of my inspirations for how fights should look to be cool over the years. I should Pomu piledrive someone.

>> No.57651224

>>57620370

YES. Do it anon, bless us with the Iroha Pon

>> No.57651296

>>57650724
>What's a selling attack?
Selling, or no selling, an attack is a phrase that originated from professional wrestling, used to denote when a wrestler takes a move from another wrestler. When they no-sell an attack they act like nothing happened, either as part of the kayfabe to show that they're too tough, or as a meta sign of disrespect to the other wrestler.
Applying this to other media, when an attack from a character, especially their signature attacj, is no-sold then it's usually a sign that the attacker is screwed.

>> No.57651485

>>57650988
>take some pointers from wrestling.

Not a bad idea actually. Kubo wrote one of my favorite fights in Bleach after watching wrestling so that's actually a solid idea. I think I will.

>>57651006
>>57651296
I'll see about adding some no-sell shots in then. Won't work for this battle but it definitely will be good for others.

Man I am so fucking pumped, I've written 21 pages in two days. It's time for the real shit now.

>> No.57651597

Also remember that no matter what some crusty old fuck says, taking direct inspiration is based and cool

If your character emerges unscathed from the dustcloud the other character kicked up with a barrage of attacks, that's cool and he's gonna rinse his ass

>> No.57651666

>>57646779
I mean your leading me to ask this, but why are you adding complexity when it was already simple? Why add more when it was already working?

>> No.57651974

>>57651666
Because it’s a parody work and the original is overly simplistic and does not quite make for interesting fan fiction
I figured out what to do to make it more interesting though
Thanks for being a guy to vent writing woes to in order to get my brain going

>> No.57652340
File: 1.44 MB, 938x1500, file.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57652340

>>57577695
Gentleman

hag sex

>> No.57652408
File: 2.96 MB, 502x642, 1692975849575281.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57652408

>>57652340
Agreed. Sex with hags.

>> No.57652577

>>57652340
i find it weird Mio hasnt attracted any smellfag like me considering we are always talking about her sweaty pubic jungle

>> No.57653163

>>57652340
loving hags is immoral. Women are meant to be loved in their prime, not when they're infertile, lonely and extremely horny as they wish for someone to save them and give them the children they always wanted to have with a loving husband at their side.

>> No.57656708
File: 2.27 MB, 1389x2529, BaeBed.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57656708

>>57653163
hags are meant to witness, never experience

>> No.57660167

Don't die damn it

>> No.57660257

>>57660167
Write me something then.

>> No.57660450
File: 6 KB, 250x248, festival.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57660450

>>57656708
True! https://files.catbox.moe/ruzz5y.png

(this is hideously late but I haven't forgotten >>56813891 lol)

>> No.57660461

>>57660167
We died ages ago, just haven't caught up yet.

>> No.57660605
File: 40 KB, 220x159, 1678682871042402.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57660605

>>57660450
Hell fucking yes that's a nice 'tuli ass.

>> No.57660621

>>57660450
Godlike Anon arigato

>> No.57660811

>>57660257
write deez nutz you fucking faggot

>> No.57662378

>>57649269
I only want to beat them a little, and consensually.

>> No.57663606

>>57649269
There's something uniquely funny about taking a vtuber as sweet and harmless as Rosemi and imagining her punching me in the ribs, knocking me to the floor and suffocating me with her muff

>> No.57664856

Reread
>HoloFantasy / Pure Black PT 1
This is still an amazing fucking opener of a chapter.
The only thing I can point out in restropect is that on a reread the bold indicating key roll moments felt cool but a bit overused. Too bad that's pretty much the best way to do it since the limits of gdocs publishing means you can't do anything subtler. Since I do understand why they're there, having moments where you can actually feel when the dice have been rolled adds to the pseudo-ttrpg experience, it's just that the casual bold text use means you had to use red text for bloody (heh) emphasis. Which, admittedly, was also used to pretty good effect here.

>> No.57666322

>>57664856
>HF/HJ/CH will never get animated adaptions that are as insane/dramatic as their stories

>> No.57667656

>>57666322
No, but we will always have our imagination.

>> No.57667742
File: 1.44 MB, 498x498, polka headbang.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57667742

>>57653163
eat dirt and choke on it, i will fuck polka however hard and however many times it takes until the gods themselves grace us with a litter of adorable scream monsters
>>57666322
adding this to the impossible list of things i'll do if i ever win a lottery; i'll find a team of talented gooks or nips, force them to read HJ from start to "finish," and by the time they're done i'll hire their now-adult grandkids to get the job done

>> No.57668033

>>57660450
Please tell down picture

>> No.57669038
File: 765 KB, 2894x4093, 1691460092235724.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57669038

>> No.57670070

>>57669038
Tako-tical Ina

>> No.57670252

>>57666322
Thank God, trying to animate a Holofantasy fight would kill someone

>> No.57670379

>>57668033
It was only yogurt....

>> No.57671574

>>57669038
>short barrel SA58 with a specter
>no laser
INA YOUR POINTFIRE SPRAY WILL BE EVERYWHERE
INA! INA!!

>> No.57674060

>>57666322
>The chance of one of my smut stories getting turned into a doujinshi is not 0

>> No.57674898
File: 335 KB, 2048x1477, 1668973466920561.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57674898

>>57666322
I will just have to find create my own animation studio for the sole purpose of animating HJ. After its success, I will create adaptations of HF and CH as well.
>But HJAnon, how do you do such a pursuit when your hagwife doesn't know about your work?
The time might soon be here that I show her the start of my silly story. I told her that I was at least writing something recently, but didn't really sell how long it's gotten, just that it was incomplete. She's also been reading a lot of smut recently, so I'm more comfortable with the idea of her knowing that I'm writing smut too.
>>57667742
dang that's a high tier compliment if I ever read one. Thanks friend.

>> No.57676868

Bump

>> No.57676909

I need to do my Ayame and my Iroha reps...

>> No.57676971

>>57666322
cover high would work better as a visual novel than an animation. most of the story is just people standing/sitting around and talking.

>> No.57677077
File: 819 KB, 1124x632, 1679481083239484.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57677077

>>57676909
To write about Iroha leaving lengthy and constructive feedback on Ayame's amateur porn videos?

>> No.57677781

>>57677077
Aside from that, because I want to write a cringekino edgelord fic about fightsexual Ayame and jobber Iroha.
Holologs was really fun.

>> No.57677825

>>57676971
What if it went the Kaguya route and regular events were incredibly exaggerated?

>> No.57679052
File: 2.80 MB, 1500x2000, Lamy mountain.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57679052

We haven't had a proper (maybe classic would be a better word) isekai story yet, have we? I'm kind of tempted to start one, but I have way too many overdue WIPs I should finish instead. I'd also need to think of a unique setting/plot instead of "LTR world with demon lord and adventurer's guild".

>> No.57679153
File: 622 KB, 500x281, 1693747425722825.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57679153

>>57676971
>>57677825
>Pekora and TS doing homework in the library, mundane everyday stuff
>Pekora starts absentmindedly spinning her pencil while she thinks
>TS notices and starts spinning his own pencil
>they lock eyes, lightning sparks, boss music kicks in
>proceed to spin their pencils over and over to see who can chain the longest combo without dropping it

>> No.57679358

>>57679052
Well you might be able to figure out your setting a little more if you stop and wonder about the scenes you want to accomplish. From those scenes you can derive the world in which they would likely take place.

>> No.57679362

>>57677781
>fightsexual Ayame and jobber Iroha
I have to ask, would this be yuri? Or would Iroha be too pathetic to get her excited.
>cringekino edgelord fic
Also what level of cringekino edginess you going for?

>> No.57679460

Short write-up I did in the Shiori general. >>57672861
The prompt behind this was
>"a story about exchanging gifts for an anniversary with Shiori? She bought you fireworks and gave you a cute speech during the explosion."

>> No.57679670

>>57679052
Closest to a classic Isekai we've gotten is Isekai parody via the fic "The Cock" (archived as The Dinky since it was from the ancient days of the pastebin archive).
Anyway making an original setting for any theoretical Isekai fic feels like you're prioritizing the wrong thing when what's important for this is plotting out what kind of wacky adventures you want to have in a Japanese fantasy world with chuubas. This is still a chuuba fic after all.

>> No.57679813

>>57577611
>>57620575
>>57679670

>> No.57679851

>>57679460
Are you guys good over there?
The fuck is this? >>57679384

>> No.57680010

>>57679851
the next dfw is born

>> No.57680134

>>57679813
Shit I just noticed I anchored the wrong post, I meant this >>57679460

>> No.57680195

>>57679851
I've no clue, I didn't write that. My only story I wrote was a tragedy because another anon asked for it in a prompt.
My usual stuff is normally given by me asking for a prompt and if I like it enough I write it. >>57620575

>> No.57680230

>>57679362
I imagine Ayame would get horny enough to make Iroha service her - maybe through dominating Iroha for a bit after she doesn't really fight back anymore.

>> No.57680633

>>57679362
Oh, my mistake. It's actually like this
>Ayame irrupts in (you)r home, takes a valuable heirloom or whatever
>You fight back, your determination excites her, but she wins and takes one of your eyes with a katana slash
>Fast foward some time, you meet Iroha
>She's a skilled goofball, but hesitates too much.
>Learns through you how to be a better warrior/ninja, her ultimate goal is to defeat a chuuba who made her job harder than a side character in a shounen

>What level
I'm talking Metal Gear Solid Revengeance meets Devil May Cry, vocals kick in the second phase of the boss, h-hayai!, Throwing a speech about impregnating Mio through sheer force of will while the universe clashes at your swords type of cringekino.
Full of title drops and one liners as well.

>> No.57680737

>>57680633
seems gay

>> No.57680956

>>57680633
Those two seem like they'd be better stories without being attached to each other. Unless this is for a series of course. But if this is for a one shot then I can't see how you'd make that Ayame thing come full circle.

>> No.57681892

>>57668033
That story will never not be funny to me. Every time I hear "please tell down this picture" I start cracking up

>> No.57682015

>>57681892
Was it even real? Some people believe the guy faked that image with the text messages.

>> No.57682816

>>57680737
Then call me faglord
>>57680956
They are separate stories, they just happen to intersect.

>> No.57684102

>>57679670
But what if I can do both?

>> No.57686020

>>57651597
>Protagonist stands up after taking an attack that should've killed them and continues to fight until they win only to die right after

>> No.57686214
File: 18 KB, 570x71, uoooohhhh.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57686214

I am particularly proud of this line I just wrote

>> No.57686551

>>57686214
Embrace your inner Muhammad.

>> No.57687635

>>57651597
>undefeatable villain is brought down by the power of compassion and understanding that culminates in them going for a punch only to be grabbed into a tight hug

>> No.57688049
File: 2.92 MB, 960x540, shibata okada ko elbow.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57688049

>>57651597
letting your opponent hit you is cool and awesome

>> No.57689361

>>57688049
wrestling is so funny sometimes. Such a circus.

>> No.57690219
File: 100 KB, 787x1086, F4_FLEVXwAA1o3M.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57690219

>>57577611
Balsa Chapter 21: The Best Within Ourselves

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTMysB4Lyr6xSI7XxdzqXa8NzQLX3iJhIhscbP4jHwJpeMSmvjjdfcZtjKSVFU81HeHWv_5Axjxz7eT/pub

tags: (you), multiple chuubas, medieval fantasy

It's finally time to start the finale so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I'm probably going to start dropping out chapters like a factory so do look forward to it. Please give me any critique you can and above all, please enjoy. It's about to get real.

>> No.57691750
File: 65 KB, 981x873, 1649790960959.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57691750

>> No.57692399

>>57622989
to be fair, we had pekofaggot erp'ing in /wg/

>> No.57692987

>>57692399
He was avatarfagging too much, but /wg/ at least has a valid reason to know specific anons given that the purpose of the thread is individuals creating OC and receiving feedback for it.

>> No.57694286

>>57690219
whoops I meant 22, not 21

>> No.57695606
File: 356 KB, 643x680, 1691118155421200.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57695606

>>57690219
I congratulate you for reaching the finish line, anon. I'm not a huge fan of Balsa, fantasy's just not my thing, but you have my respect as a writer for finishing your story.

>> No.57695800

>>57695606
oh it's not done yet, just the beginning of the end. But thank you regardless. Even if you're not a huge fan, I'm glad you said that. Means a lot.

I will finish this to the end though. I have been holding in these last chapters for sooooo long and man I cannot wait to release them.

>> No.57697557

>>57577695
Based on this tweet.
https://twitter.com/ourokronii/status/1698183209744548168
You as a lucky guy who have threesome with kronii and irys

>> No.57697965

>>57697557
This but Kronii doesn't know until Irys brings her back home. There Irys ties her up, which Kronii's fine with because kinky and whatnot.
THEN you show up, and Irys cheers you on as you rape Kronii.

>> No.57698049
File: 682 KB, 720x720, 1679513722407266.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57698049

>>57690219
Alright I only read the first scene, but I gotta ask, what the fuck is happening here? One moment Civia is internally lamenting that kids died because of her, and the next she is putting a pot on her head and trying to be overly chipper to Risu is busying herself with dishes just to not break down. I also assume you meant she was following Watame and not Botan?

>> No.57699624
File: 392 KB, 421x524, 1675512500738.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57699624

>>57676909
Watch ojou's birthday stream from today!

>> No.57700062

>>57698049
I showcased it really poorly but the but the bucket scene was meant to show that Fauna's memories and personality are still living within her.

>I assume you meant she was following Wata and not Botan

Which part gave you that impression? I'm rereading that segment and I'm not sure where you thought that

>> No.57700841

>>57699624
No!

>> No.57700872
File: 164 KB, 277x318, 1681963925013.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57700872

>>57700841
Your loss.

>> No.57701089

>>57699624
Ojou SUCKS

>> No.57701165
File: 896 KB, 835x658, my pov.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57701165

>>57701089
Yeah, me

>> No.57701342

>>57699624
>>57700872
DISEASED ____

>> No.57701400

>>57701342
I'd like to buy a vowel.

>> No.57701884

>>57701400
One vowel for one (you)!
Call it!

>> No.57702307

>>57701342
She's not a diseased slut, the doctor certified her as STD free!

>> No.57702724

>>57701165
Damn, I'll need that image. Thanks.

>> No.57702995

>>57702307
Wow, so she blew the doctor huh?

>> No.57703557

>>57701884
'O'?

>> No.57703688
File: 16 KB, 503x454, 1675214333117873.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57703688

>>57700062
Botan wasn't mentioned anywhere in the scene, and the resulting scene is Civia and Watame. That's what gave me the impression.
For the bucket thing, even if it was Fauna's personality somehow seeping into Civia's consciousness, there wasn't any proper conveyance of that, also why on earth would she think it was a good idea to imitate the person who just died?
As for the rest of the chapter, the action scenes had a good amount of conveyance to them, the character interactions are kinda showing off how some things are deeper in your head than what makes it to paper. The thing with ayame, while Anon had an appropriate reaction, where did Ayame's infatuation come from that she's throwing out the L word all of a sudden? While on the topic of anon
>Do you know why she (botan) is so upset with me?
Does he not remember the argument they just had in the last chapter? If it was resolved already that would be one thing, but that conversation didn't come till alter in the chapter. I get and respect that you're jazzed up about seeing this story to the completion on the horizon, but I think your speed is hurting you here.

>> No.57704515

>>57703688
>For the bucket thing, even if it was Fauna's personality somehow seeping into Civia's consciousness, there wasn't any proper conveyance of that, also why on earth would she think it was a good idea to imitate the person who just died?

I didn't convey it properly with what I was trying to achieve. It was supposed to be like her personality was bumping against Fauna's and everything else, that's why her head was fuzzy. I just didn't explain nearly as clearly as I should have. I screwed that bit up unfortunately and with the way the plot is going now, I won't be able to explore it.

>ayame

I'll elaborate it more next chapter. It's going to be another extension of resolving things between him, Ayame and Fubuki. When I was editing I wanted to add more dialogue between them but it would've made it look like I speed ran the resolution and it would seem completely unrealistic to have them reconcile so quickly. Next chapter is going to elaborate more on those threads without looking like they got over it in an afternoon lol

>argument

It meant it more like he was trying to see if Lui could give him more information about why that turned into aggression since she knows her far better. Then comes the scene where Botan explains herself and she simmers down after that chat with Lui. That's what I was trying to convey at least even if a bit clumsily.

>> No.57704570

>>57703688
What the hell is the L word?

>> No.57705036

>>57704570
Love

>> No.57705785
File: 268 KB, 1051x1500, Towyame.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57705785

>>57701342
>>57701884
Diseased Towa!

>> No.57705820
File: 807 KB, 2700x2025, 1682573308614941.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57705820

>>57704515
Her head feeling fuzzy is not enough to really get that across properly I feel. There could be multiple reasons for her head feeling floaty already; physical exhaustion, the sensations she had just moments before, plain emotional exhaustion over the whole thing. A way to accomplish that would have been to put more of Fauna's thoughts and how she views Risu into Civia's eyes. Civia could be confused over how she suddenly sees the squirrel as a mentor, a caretaker, a goal to be reached. That at least paints the background a little more to what the kirin and Risu meant to one another and why the loss is so heavy.
If you are going to elaborate more on ayame's thing in the next chapter that's fine, but it just comes off as a little half baked since the meaningful interaction between the two was sparse until that one event.
If you also feel like you're conveying things clumsily, you might need to slow down and really analyze what you write. You need to give this finale the structure and coherence it deserves. Two pump chumping it is not how this story should end. I'm not trying to come off as harsh, but it's only been like a day or so since the last chapter, and it feels almost like it's being rushed compared to previous installments.

>> No.57706432
File: 34 KB, 350x350, Mio_What.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57706432

>>57705820
>but it just comes off as a little half baked

It does. The unfortunate thing is I had to decide between having them find resolution this chapter or waiting and having a longer more closer resolution in the next one and I think the latter is going to be a lot more impactful. It just felt way to quick to have Ayame and Anon make up then and there so I had to make a sacrifice somewhere.

>conveying this clumsily

when I say clumsily, I don't mean I think I completely fumbled it more that, with all things, there may have been minor ways I could've elevated it. This one chapter has more or less been in my head since chapter one, hence the reason I banged it out so quick, I've known exactly how this would play out since forever. I figured Botan's brief moment of vulnerability followed by the end of the chapter was exactly the tragedy I was going for.

You're not coming off harsh, but if I'm going to be straight with you, this comes off a bit knit picky. Your critiques are normally good and like I said with the Civia stuff, that was done piss poor so you're totally correct there. But I'm not fully understanding why you felt the Botan part was rushed considering how many pages were devoted to it. I was more worried that the Lui-Botan heart to heart would come across as beating a dead horse more than anything. Like I said, I'm not trying to come off combative because your critiques have made this book better in a million ways, but this critique is very confusing to me in certain areas. I'm not sure if I'm just misreading but I feel like a lot of this is nitpicks (which is fair too, I'm not saying that's wrong). I'm not trying to fight you, just clarify since your critiques are often very good.

>> No.57707745
File: 911 KB, 891x718, 1674455561992303.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57707745

>>57706432
My only critique on the Botan part was how Anon seemed confused on how she was so upset with him. A brief line of introspection can help convey something like "I knew we both got pretty heated when I suggested I take the initiation, but is that really all there was to it? Just me?" The part with Lui and Botan and later Anon and Botan, were fine, your interactions actually shine a bit more when they isolated to the lion's relationships since they have been easily the most fleshed out. My comment on rushing was that the piece as a whole with the surrounding components came off as rushed. I do also understand that there are a lot of moving parts here and it's not always doable to nail them all with absolute clarity, but when you churn out this stuff in less than a day, you might want to give yourself a little breathing room and let it stew for a day or two. I'm sorry if it all came off as nit picky, that wasn't my intent.

>> No.57707868

When I finish my magnum opus, I want to open an onsen

>> No.57707993
File: 1.07 MB, 2618x4096, AyameAss.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57707993

>>57707868
I'm gonna find it and shit in like I plan to with the last author that said that

>> No.57708359
File: 2.96 MB, 454x498, bubbletea.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57708359

>>57707745
Ok now I understand it better. I thought you were saying the whole Botan-Anon part was bad so I was super confused. But that makes a lot more sense. I see what you mean there.

I agree with most the rest of it though. The reason I don't see it as rushed is because this is more or less what the vision was from chapter one on. I think it came out rushed in the sense that I didn't have all the other parts planned before so naturally those parts could've stood to been expanded upon. It's the critical failing of writing as you go.

I've reached the point in the story where I'm sort of stuck on the rails now though so while I'll do my best to elaborate on things, there is not going to be much wiggle room left. I know its frustrating but this is my first real adventure story so this is more of a practice to learn from. I'm honestly amazed it came out as well as it has considering the amount of times I added something on the spot that has now become plot critical lol. Thank you, as always. All of these lessons and critiques will be hopefully be applied well in whatever adventure story I tackle next. I've actually been making a record of all the critiques I've gotten so I can read the story again as a complete whole and really figure out where I went right and wrong.

>> No.57709866
File: 31 KB, 632x626, 1680528512427373.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57709866

>>57708359
I always appreciate how responsive you are to the feedback you get. I know I got a little heated and it caused me to do a little introspection of my own and how I read things. I don't intend to come off as frustrated, but some of the ideas you are trying to present like Fauna's psyche momentarily taking control of Civia deserve to be showcased and admired. There's a lot of good surface level mechanics and stuff within the things you're building, so I believe things like that should be expanded and pridefully represented if that makes sense.

>> No.57709884

>>57707868
>>57707993
I can't believe it's been like four years and it still makes me laugh so much. I don't think I've seen any piece of fiction end so horribly in my entire life. I cannot think of a single game, movie or book that has ever shot itself in the head that hard

>> No.57709963

>>57709884
What are you talking about?

>> No.57710006
File: 742 KB, 849x1200, 98471847_p0_master1200.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57710006

>>57577611
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vQRFQ07fd4QBGKaRTf0qgew5jF7haqRzms1o0QDaKKiiVdapumZmywGhNtnAbICGd9jRqxHDsDtlc1f/pub

Tags: NSFW, Corruption, Fubuki

>> No.57710307
File: 238 KB, 1800x2050, pirate thonk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57710307

Anyone else ignore all the contest stories as they were released and just binge them all at the last second during the voting period? I liked being able to directly compare them back to back, made me more comfortable with my rankings

>> No.57710480

>>57709963
Isayama, author of Attack on Titan, has stated many times that once his manga was finished he would open an onsen.

If you aren't aware of AoT's ending, you should look up the drama. Worse than Gear 5, worse than Bleach. It was an absolute shitshow.

>> No.57710487

>>57710307
I sort of did that later on, I read some of the first few posted before I got that idea

>> No.57710549
File: 1.71 MB, 1920x1080, 1681542978725146.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57710549

>>57710307
I held off on reading most of them at the time for a similar reason, but I also was just super busy most of the time. Binging them did help me be less impartial when I cast my vote though.

>> No.57710670

>>57710307
I'm doing that right now for the same reasons

>> No.57711462

>>57710480
Worse than Gantz even.

>> No.57712022

>>57710480
I have no idea what was going through his head, honestly. He built one of the best dark protagonists ever seen and then just made him a literal cuck at the end.
I'm 99% sure he said that he wanted it to end like garbage, but even then, if there's one thing I get from it, it's what not to do.

>> No.57712920

>>57712022
every time I think about it it makes me upset. It was one of the single best stories I had ever read then he decided to shoot it in the head and shit on the corpse.

Part of me wonders if he's actually just psychotic and delights in hurting people.

>> No.57713194
File: 91 KB, 257x256, 1664658051422423.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57713194

I swear, coming up with a title is harder than writing the damn fic.

>> No.57714083

>>57713194
Do a reverse title drop.
Get a cool one liner from your fic, put it as the title.
Bam.

>> No.57717801

>>57710006
Wow. I didn't expect this.

I'll read it after work.

>> No.57719066

So, do we or don't we go through the initiation? And, if we do, what animal traits should we get?

>>57709866
It's cool mate, no worries. Honestly I'm glad you care so much to even get a bit heated lol. It's one of my least popular stories to date so its nice to know someone is this invested in it being any good.

I totally get it. I should've introduced it sooner though is the thing. I wanted Civia drinking human blood to be a big thing so I saved it towards the end, but it seems I saved it a little too close to the end for its consequences to really mean something. I think I *may* be able to showcase it just a little more but I will have to see if it fits well with what's coming up. If I can work it in, I will.

>> No.57719190

>>57709866
You really need to work on that temperament nigga, you fly off the handle way to easy

>> No.57719707
File: 365 KB, 627x589, 1684720962467323.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57719707

>>57719190
I'm writing about literal flying right now, fuck off.
>>57719066
I figure the obvious choice is lion tail and ears.
Even saving a trait or something closer to the end of a story still allows you to go into what it's doing to them. It could be a scene that isn't that all big or significant in the grand scheme of things, but you can always give an isolated character moment a write. Civia could be sweating up a storm and look at herself in the mirror and see someone else's face staring back at her for a sec, just really fucking freak her out a bit.

>> No.57720315

>>57710307
Nah, I read all of them as they were being released. Though given how much got released at the end it did shake up what were my favorites; at least for nsfw, The perfect day kind of took the lead for sfw and never had anything come close to dethroning it in my eyes.

>> No.57723297

>>57577695
realizing that when you separate mococo and fuwawa, they personalities change completely.
Also their IQs

>> No.57724005
File: 56 KB, 396x423, MoCoco.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57724005

>>57723297
>When they get separated Fuwawa starts being needy and trys to make the conversation about her.
>Meanwhile Mococo starts using more swears and walks like she was expecting more weight on her chest.

>> No.57725069

>>57723297
>>57724005
>call the elevator, get in
>"hooold pleeeeeaseee""
>"un un!"
>You try to hold the door, Mococo slips in last second but since this is an old elevator, Fuwawa doesnt make it and is stuck
>"Oof. Tough Luck"
>"Y-yeah...bau..."
>2 floors later, she stands a bit taller
>2 floors later, Her expression suddenly sours a bit
>Huh
>"you okay Moco-chan?"
>"yes"
>4 Floors later, you arrive at your destination
>"Anon..listen"
>"Ah, sorry. Im running a bit late so-"
>The air is driven out of your lungs by a punch
>"I WASNT DONE TALKING"
>As you reel in pain, she headbutts you, sending you to the ground
>"DONT TALK OVER ME, DO YOU THINK IM FUCKING RETARDED?!"
>She mounts you and starts raining blows
>"COME ON, FUCKING SAY SOMETHING YOU PIECE OF SHIT! DO YOU THINK IM RETARDED?"
>"N-Noo"
>"NO WHAT? YOU STUPID FUCK, NO WHAT?"
>"N-No, Moco-chan"
>She stops, and cups your face in her hands
>"Im sorry Anonii, i didnt mean to yell at you"
>"U--Un...I forgive you moco-chan"
>She smiles
>"Its okay Anonii. AnoMoco's bond is re-"
>Suddenly she stops, dead in her tracks
>Blood drips down from her nose
>The elevator dings and Fuwawa emerges
>"Moco-chan! come on! we are running late!"
>"wah! its true fuwawa. Lets go!"

>> No.57725520
File: 25 KB, 633x633, suisus.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57725520

>everyone wants mococo to beat them up
>i just want to rub my dick all over her flat chest
what the hell is wrong with you guys?

>> No.57726563 [SPOILER] 
File: 232 KB, 850x1145, __original_drawn_by_airandou__sample-45b530a503c2a4f8458af03a4b9f5dc1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57726563

>>57725520
I don't want her to beat me up either, I just want to make her listen to me fuck Fuwawa on the top bunk

>> No.57727481

>>57725069
So wait does this mean Mococo is the one that becomes a symbiote that's always on your left?

>> No.57728184

I have voted.

>> No.57729471
File: 183 KB, 1983x1125, Towa.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57729471

>My review of "the tower of tattle"


I feel like a schizophrenic reading this. The relationship inbetween Shiori and the MC is inmaculate, it captures perfectly the dorky energy of shiori and the lore/setting is really inventive, specially with the trivia and the books. The start of chapter 3, with Mc and Shiori fighting over Yorick was cute, great and funny

On the other hand, the format is absolutely insufferable at times. Too many gimmicks just make it annoying to read. I had to drag myself to the finish line in chapter 3 because i was sitting there constantly rolling my eyes at the blocks of flavor text. The gimmicks added literally nothing to the story

Im at a constant crossroad because for every paragraph where i love it, there's also one where i want to strangle you author kun. If you can keep your gimmicks in check and improve your pacing, then you might become my favorite author in the entire thread.

Also more female Mcs could be really interesting

>> No.57730789

What's the best brat correction story

>> No.57731297
File: 271 KB, 351x851, 1681871257151607.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57731297

>>57577695
A fic about the SSRBs looking after a younger Botan like they were her pets but they also run a gun running operation so they can afford to spoil her.

>> No.57732364
File: 39 KB, 554x554, cat.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57732364

>>57710006
>Smut fic with a title referencing another work of media
Oh hey a weirdanonv2 fic.
It's at least better than Norwegian Wood in that it doesn't feel wooden and dull. Its just that the actual smut is lacking in the kind of erotic energy to its narration that I find hot in smut. If I had to take a guess, it's because this fic just zooms through events, and while there are smut fics that can work with that the prose just isn't crude enough to really work with the speed you go through events. Which makes me curious. Is this another commissioned work? Because if it is, you really need to talk more with your commissioner about what you can write with a given wordcount cause Christ this fic was a solid meh.

>> No.57732619
File: 3.45 MB, 2105x1488, Towah.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57732619

>>57728184
>>57710307
I was actually a little surprised at how few responses the voting form was getting considering how many IPs we get each thread, but I guess it makes sense now.
Also the current gap between first and second place for the SFW category is a mere 1 point, so be sure to vote if you want to tip the scales.

>> No.57732897

>>57732619
How many votes in total have there been anyway?

>> No.57733588

>>57732619
I don't want to vote without having read all the stories

>> No.57733695

>>57732619
Who are our contenders?

>> No.57735312
File: 2.52 MB, 1303x1837, 984d83675433e7a69aa1ee088b2b389f.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57735312

hatesex suianon chiming in before i launch into bed and hug my pillow like it's the flat chested suicopath i want so much.

year 1 continues to bake slowly. i've written the establishing sequence, plus suityan's introduction and how people are drawn into her. the next part will start to explore how fake her exterior persona is, and her gravitating towards (You) only for (You) to call her out on being a poser and a whore for attention.

i've got a stock of insults to exchange between the two but i wouldn't mind more input. especially in the vein of suisei's taunts; i'm looking for something childish yet biting, something that would get under the skin of a 19yr old man.

>> No.57735847

>>57735312
>u are vergin
>nooo!!!!!!!!

>> No.57736136

>>57735312
Maybe an insult about their sneakers being fake, or how their 'fit' be lacking in 'the drip'.

>> No.57736151
File: 2.25 MB, 3308x1838, Aqushion travel.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57736151

>>57732897
>>57733695
I'll reveal everything when the voting period ends. Until then, sit tight for me.

>>57733588
That's fine, as I said it makes sense that most Anons would want to read all the stories back-to-back for comparison's sake. Just a reminder that the voting form closes 28 hours from now.

>> No.57736395

>>57736151
I think I did this count down clock right.
https://countingdownto.com/?c=4961557

>> No.57737804

Oh, so many fics to read

>> No.57738602 [DELETED] 

>>57735312
There is nothing that gets under a young man than the insinuation that he's not a "real" man.

>> No.57738886

>>57735312
Nothing gets under the skin of a young man more (especially someone fresh out of high school) than the insinuation that he's not a "real" man.

>> No.57739380

>>57735312
She should slap you at some point, and much later on you bring it back around by you slapping her - followed by her being shocked and angry for a second before grinning and saying that she deserved it, but that she'll get you back.

>> No.57741855

>>57735312
If you're after insults and banter I would recommend reading Our Cures. The dialogue in that story is something I study like a fucking textbook.

>> No.57742146

I can’t be bothered reading all the contest entries. I might just read a few stories that I like the tags of and pick my favourite out of those.

>> No.57742272

>>57742146
You need to eat all of the eggs, anon.

>> No.57742520

>>57742272
But the rentry says it's ok...

>> No.57743394
File: 361 KB, 1920x1080, Dev_is.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57743394

Thoughts on the new generation? I'm personally not too on board with any of their designs, but the girl in the back with red hair is cute.

>> No.57743594

>>57743394
I think they're all pretty cute and I like how most of them are flatties, but my eye is on the girl in the front. If she has a deep voice, she can take all my money and love.

>> No.57744892

>>57743394
i wanna see the models first, since the artwork tends to miss stuff.
Also i have a hunch that the orange one is going to be a freak that rival's ollie's simping

>> No.57744909

>>57743394
New branch, more like. Holopro -> Hololive DEV_IS -> ReGLOSS.
If this was something like HoloX, they would just be ReGLOSS under Hololive (JP).

>> No.57746248

>>57743394
Dumb name cute girls

>> No.57746472
File: 517 KB, 718x1024, Tsuna 2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57746472

The girl in the back center reminds me of Tsuna.

>> No.57747059
File: 114 KB, 986x940, 1666702070950078.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57747059

>>57743394
I GUESS I can work with this, somehow.

>> No.57747700

>>57743394
It's fucking weird that hololive went from the "lore heavy" gens of holoX and advent to jump straight back into early gen levels of filler lore with a gen of 5 normal humans.
Still they have nice voices and the fact that they're all still humans means they could be a nice gen for future fics in the usual setting.
I'll wait till their debuts to really have any hard judgements but they seem fine.

>> No.57747845

>>57747700
It's a new branch, after all.

>> No.57747970

>>57747700
I actually hate "just humans" vtubers. Like they are fine if they are not cosmic deities or powerful creatures, but "just human" completely turns off my creative sense.
Subaru is way more interesting as a duck girl than she ever was as a coach

>> No.57748413
File: 425 KB, 690x531, Eris screenshot.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57748413

>>57743394
>>57746472
They're both just Eris.

>> No.57748464

>>57747970
Yeah, as much as it's a meme. The duck thing just completes and rounds out her character... now as for actually using it, I have no idea. Maybe in like a highschool setting she's passing off as human and it's like a thing she hides in order to fit in, until she gets exposed and now she has to hang out with OKFAMS because they still accept her.

>> No.57748553

>>57732364
It isn't a commission. He tried to refund what I paid for Norwegian Wood, and when I refused, he rewrote the story in an effort to satisfy me, making certain concessions he wasn't willing to before.

Basically, he's a dear, and I'm thoroughly impressed with his principles.

I thought the smut was significantly better than Norwegian Wood, and I'm satisfied this time.

>> No.57748637

>>57748464
I mean you dont really need to use the duck aspect, since its not part of her design it can be used as dressing to round up the character, as you said
>she loves duck
>she has a pet duck
>sprouts a duck tail
>a joke where she looks like Donald Duck
>she sounds like one
The counter-example of that, for me, is Roboco. someone with a more muted personality that gets overwhelmed by her design
She's a robot.... and she's cute? Like that's all you can get from her without going into deep pulls and its fairly boring, which is why someone with a more nebulous Lore and more interesting features, like Mio, gets a lot more love.

>> No.57748891

>>57743394
Kanade looks worryingly similar to Hoshikawa Sara.
I don't mean in the sense that I fear Kanade having a personality like Hoshikawa's, but that it almost feels like copyright infringement.

>> No.57748896

>>57748553
Is that why Norwegian Wood is unlisted from the main archive or is that just an AA mistake?

>> No.57749121

>>57748896
I'm not sure! I haven't been informed of its departure from the archive, so I'm leaning towards an AA mistake, but we'd need Weirdanonv2 to clarify.

>> No.57749934
File: 2.30 MB, 2549x4093, 28a39ea837da0fe026bc63e9a3ac7d59.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57749934

>>57735847
>>57738886
yeah, she's definitely going to aim at the jugular with that
>>57736136
those words make my old bones cringe, but i feel what you're putting out.
>>57739380
a wonderful idea, but one that seems more fitting for year 2 when the initial disgust lust boils into seething suppressed sexual desire. i'll see though if i can try and work this in somewhere.
>>57741855
going to start reading that now.


as always, thank you anons for your input. they say too many cooks in the kitchen is a bad thing, but when it comes to bakery i find it's best to listen to as many people as possible.

>> No.57750195
File: 719 KB, 938x612, 1672248679054.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57750195

>>57749934
>he hasn't read Our Cures

>> No.57750271

It's time to bake a new thread for someone who is posting from a computer, unlike me

>> No.57750313

>>57750195
https://youtu.be/_muGpLsaAQk?t=110

>> No.57750582
File: 1.28 MB, 640x360, Look at her go!.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57750582

>>57735312
Insult her dancing.

>> No.57750613

>>57750313
Don't worry, the reaction was more out of pity and shock than a desire to gatekeep. You've been missing out!

>> No.57750743

>>57750613
im not him, i just wanted to be funny also i dont really love Our Cures. I think its good but does not deserve the massive overhype

>> No.57750802

>>57750582
Now post the gif with the gunslinging.

>> No.57750841
File: 1.74 MB, 600x600, 1667762057177420.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57750841

>>57750582

>> No.57751498
File: 2.82 MB, 271x281, dorkysuistep.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
57751498

>>57750582

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