/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

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/VT/ WRITING RUMBLE
/wg/ is holding a writing contest! The submission period has concluded, but you can check out the contest archive to prepare a vote for your favourite story.

The stories that have been submitted and information can be found at:
rentry.org/WGWC

Do you have a story you'd like to see written? Reply to this post with it! Try to be as clear and concise as possible; the better you describe your idea, the more likely it is to be picked up!

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Story recap...!
There were no stories posted last thread. None, zero, zilch, nada.

Sorry, was busy and didn't notice how close we were to sliding off.

Eugh, and it's an old bitty thread now too

>>57159043
Old bitty?

>>57159129
Yeah it's a HAG(derogatory) thread

>>57158460
A story in which >>57159649 gets beaten into a bloody pulp by hags

Since we're on energy saving mode...

What is a line/scene that you never got to use, but really, really wanted to?
>Quick, Aqutan! Say something autistic!

>>57160022
Actual beating or sexually beaten?

>>57160212
>"Ladies and Towa"
>"Its so fucking donerys"
>"Nyahallo! Im Sakura Miko! Unless you are from HR in which case im Hoshimachi Suisei!"
Also i dont know in which context you would write Polka and Chloe but
>"Polka.. Orca"
>"Oru yo"

>>57159649
Yeah, my HAG (Hot Aged Girlfriend)

Oh hell yeah, foxtits edition!

>>57161821
Polka and Chloe both have deep sexo voices. Just hard to focus on in writing.

FUCK fubuki

>>57162849
CBT where Fubuki tickles your balls with a feather over and over until you cum your brains out of your dick.

>>57161867
Damn right.

>>57163052
This, except with electricity

>>57161821
How about
>It's oveRyS...

>>57163052
This, except it's her tail instead

>>57164407
I'd like to take a shot at her overys, if you comprehend what I'm implying.

>>57160212
>well maybe if you stopped wearing daisy dukes Izuru people would stop trying to fuck you

Are hags good even if they are infertile?

>>57166778
What a silly question, of course they are! They can offer you the best support you could ever ask for, and lots of bed frame breaking sex. There's also the chance you can revitalize their womb with your D. Gotta give some to get some.

>>57166778
Yes because you can still keep fucking them despite it being impossible for them to get pregnant.

>>57166778
That's when they're the best.

>>57143726
>>57143893
>>57144152
I see where you guys are coming from. Spontaneously I had an inclination towards the tragic kind of drama rather than romcom drama, but now I'm leaning more to the latter as a background to you learning how to navigate sexing both your sister, the elegant Lady Suisei, and your maid Aqua, curviest shortstack in all the land. I couldn't deny (You) that fun.

>>57164843
How would she manage that when her tail is too big?

>>57138066
I'm glad you liked it. I'm relieved to hear I got Anya's voice right. Anya's English is probably the best out of all of ID, with her only real hangups being overregularization and not really using contractions. I've gotten criticisms over sequence breaks before, so I'm probably using them as a crutch. I'll try and fix that even if my only idea of how to do that is just "use them less."
>it felt a bit like Anya’s horniness didn’t come through enough, as in her thoughts from the mind reading and her actions didn’t match
That's fair and I see what you mean. There are opportunities for more jokes that I missed out on. Originally I was going to have some mind reading during the date (some horny thoughts, some not) but I cut them out early as I felt that the fact that he didn't use it made Anya forgiving him slide down easier. As well as the fact Anon didn't really need them to have fun with Anya made the ending more impactful. The general idea I had was that despite being down bad, Anya was more nervous about being appealing once she had her mad in her sights that the horniness got dialed down. It's only after the cat is out of the bag that she feels like "Oh it's fine then." Still, I agree with you, I should have played with it a bit more.

Thanks for reading.

>>57169371
With its tip?

>>57169984
I knew it sounded stupid when I made that reply. I was thinking she'd engulf your balls with her entire tail and just it being in her tail would count as tickling giving you unimaginable pleasure.

>>57169371
It's not actually too big, just very fluffy. The tail itself is just a thin noodle. The fluff can be compressed against your groin if she applies force to it. I don't know just how much control she'd have over her tail's flexibility, so she may or may not be able to give you a tailjob, but she'd definitely be able to tickle you with the tip.

hatesex suianon here
working my way into the dirty deed and finding myself at a loss for words, and thought to cast a line out for help
how many different ways can you describe p0nos and vag00 without it becoming repetitive and boring?
also im an incredibly vain person so here's another self-indulgent teaser, may Sana strike me down with a meteor for my sins

“Enough...” she breathed out. For a moment I thought I had crossed a line, but she continued, “...Your clumsy fingers aren’t what I want...I want something thicker...assuming it’s even as big as them...”

>>57171371
Too many ellipses in that sample. I hope there aren't that many in the rest of your dialogue.

You actually only need a handful of different ways, say 5-10, and rotate through them in order to not sound repetitive. The descriptive language around them is what's going to make or break.the fic.

>>57166778
Benjamin Franklin - Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress (1745)

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entring into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Œconomy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

>>57171604
1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are
better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and
more lastingly agreable.
2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To
maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an
Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and
are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they
continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an
old Woman who is not a good Woman.
3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be
attended with much Inconvenience.
4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in
conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is
therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the
Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd
to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his
Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and
Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

>>57171662
5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids
that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank
and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts
continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a
Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two
Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are
grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal,
and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of
Improvement.
6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and
make her for Life unhappy.
7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable
may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making
an old Woman happy.
8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!
Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being
sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

>>57169371
With very big balls, of course

>>57171859
horse balls

>>57171591
prepare to be disappointed. i like to use ellipses as a way to highlight the way people trail off or take an extended breath, and there's certainly a lot of that in this.
thank you for the advice though. i'm incredibly conscious of using the same words over and over, but the point you made about how the language surrounding them gives me hope. fingers crossed that i hit that golden zone of description without crossing over into overly flowery.

>>57164407
I know adding -rys is the IRyS thing, but "It's hopever" is one of those puns that just trumps over that running gag. Especially since I could see it being done as
>Hopwewari da! (It's Hopever!)

>>57158341
Okay, I've got a proof of concept for the alt!Suisei fic. I liked the concept enough that I decided to do a vn thing. Tbh most of my time today was just setting stuff up and remembering how to use Renpy... and fucking around with midjourney, now that I think about it, because it's kind of a pain in the ass... but at any rate, here it is. I actually wanted to get a little further into it, but I decided this was a good enough spot to see if people liked the direction.
So, here it is, a demoish thing for my tack on the alt!Suisei fic: Stilted Stellar.

https://www.mediafire.com/file/oi1ko99w6senpl0/StiltedStellar-1.0-pc.zip/file

A few housekeeping notes:
1. Suisei is one of my favorites but I can't pretend I watch her streams. I have no japanese skill. Anything I watch from her is gonna be clips. You guys will have to help me out with characterization.

2. The file is a bit bigger than it 'should be' because I kept a bunch of music in the game folder that is generally useful for different situations. I decided as far as music for the vn, while there should obviously be a focus on Suisei songs and then Holomem songs, these songs are not as easy to find remixes or covers of that can make them fit every situation/provide necessary music variety. It's not set in stone, but even just for now having tracks from other stuff as placeholder tracks makes the most sense.

3. The basis for all the gui and options files and yadda yadda are other projects I've done before, fwiw. Anything irrelevant should be cleared out, but let me know if you find anything that is really weird or doesn't belong or is... doxxy I guess. There shouldn't be anything but whatever.

4. I made an effort to try and demonstrate all the 'features' that are easy to do and teach. The Nodoka sprite obviously has some obvious ugly white around it. I'm not great at gimp. At the very least, whether or not I'm hands off on this or if I'm taking hold, I'll probably need help with stuff like cleaning up art.

5. Renpy is really easy. Incredibly easy. Something like this is really really easy to get people to contribute to. Even if you don't want to mess with Renpy stuff, if you write stuff and post it in the thread, it'll be eminently easy to throw in.

Anyway, I am really pleased with it and think it looks and feels really nice for what it is, and I thought the concept was good enough to merit this level of effort and also I'm procrastinating part V of tower of tattle and that's what I do when I procrastinate writing I write other stuff that's not the thing I'm supposed to write. Enjoy! And lmk what you think

>>57171371
You should reread some smut fics you like, and look at some of the lines you find hot in order to get the synonyms that work for you. Because there's a lot of synonyms for both of those but some of them don't really work.
As for that small snippet, I think you should consider using em dashes to try and vary it up. Either that or see where you can cut them out to make snappier dialogue but that's something for when you get down in the weeds to edit this thing, not for the first draft.

>>57172030
You should be more concerned about your excessive use of ellipses, because that's going to be a major sticking point.

>>57173373
Anon... why the fuck is that 400mb. I'm not gonna download that without an assurance on what's actually inside.
This seems to be a proof of concept VN but I kinda need to know that what's inside is actually what you say it is even if I'm pretty sure this isn't a virus.

>>57173828
like i said it's music tracks. a renpy thing itself i think...? is gonna be 100 mb but i don't know. it's literally just a zip file in there you can extract. you don't have to run anything to see what's inside.

>>57173828
I've taken the liberty of downloading anon's PC killer 5000, and so far it's just a renpy VN. Nothing strange yet

>>57173373
>>57173828
>>57174007

here. like i said in my first post, i just kept a bunch of music files in the folder that, if nothing else, are useful placeholder tracks. this is a screenshot sorted by size of the biggest tracks, the biggest ones being stellar stellar daybreak version and blue rose twilight version. stellar stellar daybreak version is not currently actually used in the game rn, but it's obvious that it will come in useful at some point. blue rose twilight version is the title screen music.

>>57174207
tl;dr this is a trojan.

>>57174287
anon please... someone retarded is going to think you're being serious...

>>57173462
most certainly i should. i need to find better ways to express how much i want to plow this blue-haired cunt into the ground. thank you VERY much for the reminder about em dashes; when i finish this and start editing, there'll probably be tons of places where they can replace the ellipses.
>>57173657
you should be more concerned about being a stuck-up bitch, because that's going to be your life's major sticking point.

>>57173373
well it's a strong start anon. Not sure where the story will go since I haven't backread this thread but it looks really promising. Has a nice charm to it too.

>>57174573
I don't think it's a big issue, and I'll admit I have a hard time not using ellipses sometimes myself. I have some personal hangups about what's considered inartful in writing, and properwriterautism. But at the very least, this many ellipses in one line is distracting, and I don't think he was being mean about it. Maybe a bit posturey. Idk. But it's still good advice on his part.

>>57173373
I've played the VN and, so far, it's great. I love how the music, writing, and art go together to contrast Kana and Suisei's circumstances, especially that part where the Stellar, Stellar instrumental just explodes in your ears right after Kana's monologue.
Kana, in particular, is a pretty interesting character, and I like how you used the supermarket scene to give us a quick rundown on who she is. Also, the way she opened her stream made me laugh out loud with how it's so diametrically different from Suisei's streams.
In regard to what can be improved, perhaps you could pull in the spirtes a little closer to the screen. Maybe up to chest or waist level like pic related. Also, I'll give you the usual advice about ensuring proper capitalization, punctuations, and such.
The VN format can really bring out a lot of emotions that plain text can't, especially because it has the benefit of sound and art to accompany that text. I know that it takes a lot of work just to make a segment this small because I also dabbled in Ren'Py back then. I still remember Dysfunctional Systems 1 and Uncle Mugen's works - all were top-notch. Katawa Shoujo was made on Ren'Py too. Those were the days...
Excited to see where you bring this. Good luck!

>>57174573
Don't whinge when your story gets shit on.

>>57175280
>>57176155
thanks anons. i'll make that adjustment to the sprites. that reference picture helps a lot actually, and the original pic i have for nodoka is actually high res enough to do just that.

also lots of respect for using renpy back in the day. even in just the time i started messing with it to now, it's gotten so much easier to use i legit don't think i would have ever bothered with original renpy. i'm a lot like my oshi in that i really respect people who went through the slog of original 1.0 tech so the rest of us could cruise control on the new slick stuff.

i'm gonna go sleep for a while now. i just realized i worked all of today without actually taking meds (lol) so it's a good chance to detox / lower tolerance on all of them. ty again, appreciate all the advice.

>>57176890
oh! dumb little note though. i realized that the font i used for kana's narrative text actually has an uncapitalized t even when the script has a capital T. I should... probably just... change that honestly... but i mostly like the font... ugh... i wish good fonts wouldn't do shit like this where just one letter for no reason is dysfunctional

>>57176890
>>57177012
I haven't checked out Ren'py in quite a while, but in the Ren'Py that I remember, I had to manually code everything from what background would come out, to what sprite would appear, as well as the textbox and the contents of said textbox. Believe you me, whenever I saw that error screen and had to rewrite another line of code, I would come *this* close to pulling my hair out.
It's part of the reason why a lot of my friends preferred to use TyranoBuilder because of how it was easier to use. But I dunno how easy building a VN with Ren'Py has gotten nowadays, so maybe I should check it out again.

>>57165038
Kek

>>57177674
ren'py takes a bit of getting used to since it's basically programming, but if you're interested Zeil Learnings helped me find my footing

>>57178914
>Zeil Learnings
Oooh, nice. I'll check this out, Anon! Thanks a bunch.

>>57169860
>Originally I was going to have some mind reading during the date
Not that anon, but one thought I had during Anon's revealing the truth to Anya was that instead of him immediately smashing the crystal, he should have let Anya use it to read his thoughts. Anya would know that he was sincerely sorry, and that he was being truthful about only using it that one time.

>>57160212
>”Why didn’t you just shoot an STD beam at him?”

>>57180771
When did Ayame learn to shoot beams?

>>57181272
She's a Saber, it just comes naturally

>>57181272
It was a power she attained after she had sex with her hundredth guy.

>>57180444
I considered it, but the way I figured it, is that being on your best behavior while being watched isn't indicative of true character. Smashing the crystal to me seemed more like his proof of honesty and true intent than anything. Besides my idea for Anon was that he's kind of impulsive (a dumbass)

>>57181272
Had some steamy lesbian scissoring with Ui-mama

>>57173373
>The font changes may grate on people. They don't bother me too much, but I do think that you would benefit from having all of them be consistent with your UI theme.
>If I were you, I'd throw in a character sprite for Suisei, and perhaps even Kana if you can muster one up that suits you. I like seeing cute girls on screen.
>I know it's a proof of work, but the UI clashes with the fuzzy BG design. I don't think either are bad, just that they don't work well together.
>Perhaps key down the selection confirmation SE. It's just a little grating.
>Writing is good, don't worry there.
>Premise is interesting. Interested in seeing how the two girls meet cute.
>For erasure of those white lines, I use Photoshop. use the magic selection. Sometimes it will grab things you don't want to grab, that's when you adjust the tolerance. It won't be perfect, but it will be close enough to erase as little as possible.
>You may want something like screen shakes for the impact of Nodoka hitting you with vpunch, perhaps some sprite movement.
Overall, most of my advice is for the window dressing that one obviously wouldn't focus on for a proof of concept.
I'd say keep the advice in your back pocket and focus on grinding out the writing. Only when you're finished with the final draft will you know which assets you need.
I can tell it will be good stuff, because the writing is solid.

May I ask about your plans? Obviously it's going to primarily feature Suisei, will there be choices? Is it romance? Alternate routes? Different ends?

>>57176702
i was going to prepare a full length reply in the vein of "nigga you ain't even read it yet" but decided to take a step back and take a deep breath. instead, have this

“YOU BASTARD! YOU INSIGNIFICANT PIECE OF SHIT!” Her voice became strained, bellowing "YOU PATHETIC VIRGIN! I BET YOU'VE NEVER BEEN LAID IN YOUR LIFE!"

"Same goes for you!” came my retort, firing back at her, “I bet no man would EVER want to lay hands on your cutting board of a chest!"

>CHAnon is lost in Japan after actually going to a Japanese highschool to garner notes without realizing he can't speak Japanese
>FSMAnon actually developed amnesia and is somewhere in Eastern Europe
>HCAnon used the entering games machine to explore Fallout to garner notes and is currently trapped by slavers
>HBTAnon was found guilty of fifty counts of premeditated homicide in Florida
>AA is unable to escape from Tarkov
>HJAnon is somehow completely fine
I'm starting to think this isn't a coincidence

>>57184995
These are good pieces of advice. Thank you anon. Fonts... You're right I should probably make them more uniform. Font rabbit holes... I can get really autistic about trying out a million fonts even though it's total geocities tier aesthetic effect sometimes. That said if there is one place I want to play around with fonts it'll be probably be Suisei vs. Alt!Suisei stuff where I think it has most premise impact.

Suisei character sprite is probably the right move. I was debating it because she's a pov character but in retrospect it makes zero sense to have a fan game where you don't see as much as possible the thing is fanning over.

UI stuff... I need to remember how to mess with UI more. Actually this is one of the things I wanted to throw a feeler out toward everyone. My general MO to make Renpy backgrounds work fairly easily is: pixabay or midjourney, then use GIMP to change color balance, then use the oilify filter. Gives a nice consistent artistic look, while for Midjourney covering shit up that uh... makes no fucking sense. Yeah I know it's kinda hacky. It works! It works. But this is just what I've done since forever. If anyone has any ideas on what to do for backgrounds that might be better, please let me know! As for UI, same thing. If anyone has any specific UI suggestions or rather... specific UI know how I've always just kinda messed with stuff until it seemed okay. I dont even really know good rules of thumb. Select confirm SE... I assume you mean the like, final fantasy save noise? Thats a good note too. I can find something less extra. And yeah, I'll do more vshake stuff. Tbh that was must laziness on my part.

Now for premise and plans it probably won't be any choices just to make it as simple of a project as possible, and off hand I don't imagine the premise is too much amplified by choices. I actually mostly threw this together as a feeler because it seemed like there were quite a few people who had a lot of desire for this Alt!Suisei story and it seemed really interesting to me. Which is why I sort of made this opener as neutral as possible as far as how much it can be massaged into any of those different artistic decisions, which are:

1. Will there be anon insert? Y/N. If Y...
2. Will there be romance? Y/N.
3. Magical girl elements or no magical girl elements? Tbh I actually like magical girl elements, but it seems like that was an idea that was literally bounced around just last thread, whereas I don't know how long the Alt!Suisei story idea was around.
And then 4. Seeing if people did want alternate routes and stuff and if so what they had in mind. Oh and,
5. Among those people who've been interested in this for a while, if anyone was interested in helping out, taking on the project if they really wanted to, etc. I mean I'm not trying to just shove this off on anyone, but I'm also not super ultra this is me me me mine mine mine, y'know? I just went with this on a lark because it seemed fun. If nothing else, little things would help me out a lot like people finding good bgms that are
Suisei songs, Suisei songs remixed or covered, or Holomem songs same thing. Those kinds of little things actually end up taking a lot of time partially because I end up on autistic rabbit holes. Oh backgrounds! I am really stupid about how much time I spend trying to make Midjourney work for me sometimes. I am not very good at it.

So yeah, mostly it was a feeler. At the very least, people seem to have liked it enough that I'll keep going with it if nothing else. It'll be put on hold for just a lil bit at the very least while I finish Tower of Tattle. And once I finish that, I'd at least like to do some foundational work on a web novel concept so I can actually work on monetizing writing. But once Tower of Tattle is done I'll at least be fiddling with this.

>>57186933
You get mad way too easy, too. Are you new here? Don't bother asking for advice if this is the way you're going to act. All I did was tell you there were too many ellipses in your paragraph and that if it was representative of the rest of your work - which you implied was the case - then I foresaw it being a common criticism in feedback of your story.

Stop acting like a child.

>>57186966
Just what are you insinuating friendo?

>>57187136
>>57184995


Oh! One last question. Yeah so, Kana sprite... that's a good question. Since she's Alt!Suisei, she'd basically be Suisei with black hair. Is the vibe I got from other anons. I think it'd actually be cool to have that but I'm no artist and I would have no idea how to do that, or if like... it would look good or hacky just to take some existing Suisei art and... change the hair color... I don't really know. I'd really like it but that one is definitely out of my particular hands. If an anon knows something I could do then that would be cool because I'd actually really like that.

>>57153903
>>57154249
You have my curiosity. If you have any questions about Bodyguard-san, I stuck a burner email into TSD's table of contents.

>>57186966
For each hag in his harem, there must be a sacrifice.

>>57187396
i've been lurking here for a quite a while, never publishing. but you have a good point. this is the second fic i'm going to put out on /wg/ Marine on the Train was my first
i do need to shut my claptrap and listen intently to the feedback and criticism i'm given. i also need to realize that even if one, two, or more anons dislike my prose or choice of writing style, i shouldn't let them get under my skin.

i suppose tl;dr i'm sorry for snapping back "like a child." this suisex story i'm working on is a labor of love, and getting nitpicked over ellipses made me see red.

i promise to do my best to edit/replace them, and deliver a finished product that you can enjoy reading.

>>57173373
okay after watching all the dolphin porn here's my two cents
>Kana and Suisei being different
I think that's a good change. While i still love the original idea of just Suisei, that's a good change. That line and Kana's intro sold me on her.
>Suisei's intro
Its a biiiiit too much, id say you can probably tone it down a notch. So far, she comes a bit too strong.
Suichan is usually a bit more subtle and cheeky with her jokes, while the intro paints her more similar to Miko. Its not wrong mind you, she's just a bit too flanderized.
Aside from that, nice workeven though i hate AI and i would prefer stock images

>>57187136
>As for UI, same thing. If anyone has any specific UI suggestions or rather... specific UI know how I've always just kinda messed with stuff until it seemed okay. I dont even really know good rules of thumb.
I programmed Ninisanni Scenario, which has a lot of custom design UI elements. Some took me a while to figure out. If you want, you can steal any code or assets you want. And don't feel bad about it either, I stole it all myself.
1. N - Make Kana her own character. Keep the protagonist role, but don't force the wallflower personality for self insert purposes too hard. If you wanted her own sprite, perhaps use a different Suisei model and slightly edit the facial features once they're sprites?
2. N - Could go either way, but I think not doing romance forces you to find other ways to make the girls connect. It could be mentorship, partners, rivals.
3. Y - It will likely inspire some unique scene prompts. I'm always in favor of adding crazy elements to shake up the plot.
4. N - Alternate routes are a bad idea if you're not 100% in. Scope creep gets huge fast. Keeping it light and quick ensures it might get finished.

>>57188546
Damn dude. I didn't know that even existed but it looks slick. Lots of respect and thanks for hooking me up. It looks like it's... really big just looking at it. You managed to get all these NijiEN chuubas in? Some of these character sprite effects look really nice.

I don't know. It's just kind of surprising. Not that I've lurked these threads so it may just be common knowledge I didn't know, but it's just surprising to me what people are hanging around threads like this writing general sometimes and you just have no idea. Appreciate it.

>>57158460
Shiori loudly reading the kamasutra, hoping that you bend her over the table
When you do try, you have to stop because the dork isnt flexible and she's getting cramps

Contest fic
>The Shining
I can't think of what to say about this. It wasn't particularly great, nor was it bad. It felt directionless. The four of them go into the house, encounter a ghost then leave and... that's pretty much it. The ending was abrupt and I felt like the story hadn't really achieved anything. The interactions between characters were probably the best part, but even they were kinda bland. I skipped over the Bloodborne stuff too, couldn't be fucked reading that. Your prose leaned into telling and not showing sometimes, but it was passable.

>>57188099
I mean you have two options here, you could fuck around in photoshop and make a black-haired Suisei with accompanying color scheme (presumably from altering the base Suisei sprite) or bug the ai art thread to see if you can get "Suisei with black hair as a VN sprite."

>>57189665
ohh. that second one sounds like a good idea. that first one is a good idea too obviously... maybe i should just bite the bullet... i'm getting pretty fucking tired of gimp honestly. kind of hate gimp, honestly. maybe it's time...

>>57189943
The AI will probably be your best choice if you don't want to fuck with GIMP, though it'd probably look kind of weird unless you get real lucky with the machines

>>57188425
Your writing is awkward, not because of ellipses, but because you pad words like a college student's essay.
>Her voice became strained, bellowing
>came my retort, firing back at her

>>57188425
You've got the maturity to stand down and apologize. Well done, that's not an easy thing to do. As a result, it's water under the bridge.

As for whether or not it's nitpicking, that differs by reader. I certainly can't speak for everyone, but from my perspective, proper grammar and punctuation are extremely important in a story - this is likely due to spending years in fanfiction and reading circles and thus being overexposed to poorly edited works. As a result, if I see a page with like 3 ellipses every paragraph, at best I'll look more negatively upon it, and at worst I'll close it.

If you want a better analysis of whether your choice of genital euphemism is repetitive or not, it'd be best to post a page or so, but I strongly doubt it'll be an issue alone. In fact, I'd put money on it not being repetitive even if you just cycled through "penis", "cock" and "dick".

>>57188985
>It looks like it's... really big just looking at it. You managed to get all these NijiEN chuubas in?
It was a pretty big project, and yep, they're all there. It was mostly a challenge to myself, to see if I could.
>Some of these character sprite effects look really nice.
Thank you, I spent some time on them. I'm pretty proud of what I was able to. I love using the VN format to the maximum potential. Dynanism is fun for the readers and keeps things engaging. It's time consuming, but it's wonderful to see your script move around.
>it's just surprising to me what people are hanging around threads like this writing general
I don't tend to like talking about what I'm working on. I like to surprise people. So when I'm not shilling a new work, I'm a ghost.

>>57190857
>So when I'm not shilling a new work, I'm a ghost.
haha...

>>57190270
your input has been duly noted and filed away. thank you.
>>57190274
i can at least say that these pesky ellipses only rear their head in speech, and show up rarely otherwise. as mentioned before, i tend to use them to try and express when someone trails off or takes a large pause before continuing to talk, but i could certainly stand to replace them with em dashes; at the very least, every ellipsis ending a speech sentence could be replaced with an em dash that would function the same way.

>>57171371
>>57192246
Not any of the anons who responded before, I’ve also been the victim of the urge to use too many ellipses before, so I get how you feel
It’s not the worst problem to have, but writing is definitely just a bit stronger if you don’t overuse them
A couple of tips I could provide are
>don’t need them right after a quotation mark begins; if you put a description of her pausing before she begins speaking, it sounds more fluid and descriptive
>experiment with the semicolon. It’s a wonderful piece of punctuation that has power when utilized properly and could be applied in many situations where you get the urge to throw in an ellipsis
Not trying to dunk on you, it’s just that ellipses are like any other punctuation and are thus much stronger if used in balance

>>57167716
>There's also the chance you can revitalize their womb with your D. Gotta give some to get some.

That's... not how menopause works...

>>57193330
Not with that attitude.

>>57193330
yeah man are you not doing your cock pushups?

>>57193214
that's good advice, thank you very much. don't feel like you're dunking either, constructive criticism is necessary and you've been quite polite in providing it.

i'm definitely going to take your first tip to heart. as for the second, me and the semicolon have a strained relationship; much like the damned ellipses, i tend to overuse them to the point i can pound out an entire paragraph where every other sentence includes it. i'll see what i can do to swap them in without spamming it though.

>>57154249
Sounds like fun, please use the tech-illiterate assassin to your heart's content.
Seeing this motivated me to start on chapter three of The Cover Job, but it's future is uncertain at the moment. I had new ideas bubble to the surface as I was rereading the second chapter and the feedback it got, so now I have a dilemma on which direction to take the story. There's the "everyone except the dead stalkers are happy" route which is easier and was the original plan, but now there's also the option of a darker path which will be harder to pull off but might make for a more satisfying narrative. I just need to clean up a few outstanding WIPs before I can get back to it.

If you need to contact me you can use the contest email.

>>57188352
Christ, we're gonna run out of writers at this rate. Sorry bros.

>>57188306
Just sent you a whole ass screed so don't worry about responding right away.

>>57194655
I'll be working on one to send you when I get back from my smoke break

>>57187136
For UI, you should look for Subaru's mother or Watame. They might have just the beam for you.

>>57160212
Oh boy cut content?

In Cooking and a Comet, I originally had a scene with Suisei and Anemachi that took place between the concert and the picnic. In it, Anemachi was taste-testing the dishes and giving advice about the dishes Suisei was making for the picnic, as well as teasing out Suisei's feelings.
The scene had three goals:
1. To serve as a bridge/interlude between Act 2 and 3
2. To show off Suisei's perfectionism
3. To give hints as to why Suisei likes Anon
I wasn't really feeling what I wrote, (Suisei felt a bit OOC, and I wasn't really comfortable writing Anemachi) so instead of reworking it I cut it for space, since the fic was already super long. The ideas here got repurposed and incorporated later in the twilight picnic scene.
>“It's more like… I don't want him to forget me, and I want him to miss me.”
>"Good luck Sui-chan, and good luck to you too, Mr. Nameless.”

Another scene I cut was Anon watching the Zealots from the concert have a discussion about the live as they left the venue. Cut it cause it didn't really serve any purpose beyond the idea that they (the fans) don't quite see the real her but you do. Nothing was repurposed from this since it was a bit self-fellating.
>“It’s just a song bro.”

Last was a scene after the job offer was changed where Anon shows off his capabilities at work. Cut because the scene didn't really serve a purpose besides showing Anon off. I everything that the scene communicated I compressed into that paragraph in the final draft.
>“The manager? On vacation with her boyfriend.”

I think that's it, I can't remember anything from any of the other stuff I've written. They were generally done from the get go.

>>57160212
Lots and lots kek. I actually have a whole list of notes at the bottom of my word document that contain both potential ideas and ones that never made it in.

In Balsa, I was actually setting up to have Botan use (you) as bait to lure out Mel, the same way Choco did. It was going to be a juxtaposition but I'm glad I never did. I also originally intended for Botan and Anon to fuck while on the road.

In Building Block Doll, I had a few sex scenes in mind that did make it in because I thought it'd be a bit too dirty for the relationship

There's also been close to five discarded stops on Kafka because they were either too dark or they didn't meet my expectations.

>>57193330
Look at this guy, he doesn't even have the magic revitalising seed.

>>57171371
It's in first person? But I want to have the hatesex...

>>57173373
Finally read through this, here's my loose thoughts that I had while doing so in no particular order:
Pick a more readable font anon, or at least settle on a normal speech font. I know this has been pointed out but you really should just have a normal workhorse font that does 95% of the work and reserve special fonts and use of stuff like color in text for special stuff. Specifically that fucking Constellation font seems fucking perfect if you're going to stick with the magical girl theme.
Good music choices, really makes the text pop out and have more effect.
Personally I'm not so set on alt!sui's name, kind of feels like she should have the same last name but that's just gut instinct. I feel like it should be, for lack of better words, more vtuber-ish even if she's kind of implied to have a wreck of a channel.
The blank square for default no one talking should probably be fixed, but that's clearly just from this being proof of concept.
>>57187136
I think having this just be a kinetic novel with no choices would be fine... though I'm not gonna lie. A hidden variable tracking Kana's dialogue choices in key events determining if she gets a good or bad ending sounds like it would be a fun way to incorporate player choice even if it's just a binary good or bad ending.
As for the questions, in order:
1/2: Honestly you don't need an anon insert here, I think just having it be Kana (with occasional peeks at what Suisei is doing) would be enough unless you want to actually write anon insert + romance since...
3: If you're doing magical girl stuff it would be kind of weird to have a male reader insert here anyway. I know it was literally thrown in last thread because of ideas getting thrown about but if you really want to write a magical girl story then having it be a personal narrative with Kana (and Suisei) would be for the better. Otherwise I think going the more "conventional" route thrown in the greentexts would be better.
4: Only do stuff like that if you want to commit to the idea. I don't think this would benefit from the additional routes unless you can outline a good reason for a route split. Maybe alternate scenes would be enough if you want to encourage rereading but other than that I can't really see it being worth it.

>>57160212
The scene where Anon breaks free from the Slumbering Gardens was initially a lot longer, featuring a conversation with someone else and included some world/lore exposition that I worried some people may find grating so I shortened it severely.

>>57200009
Are you unable to self insert into anyone unless the character is explicitly referred to as you?

>>57158460
I don't know how to word this elegantly but I want to see a smut scene about literally getting choked out by thick hag thighs.

>>57204415
I wonder, do some people prefer second person over first person? I've always thought second person was a pretty uncommon perspective because of how unimmersive it is.

>>57204623
From their hands or thighs?

>>57205322
Thighs. I thought I was being direct. Something like Polka just wrapping her legs around your neck and not stopping.
Not sure how you'd place it in a fic, maybe as like a femdom thing. The idea comes from some (non-chuuba) I vaguely remember.

>>57204976
Second person is pretty uncommon in general outside of web fiction.
Still, it's not all Y/N reader inserts and CYOAs. The main other use is the style of second person used from descended from old 4chan writefags i.e quests (even those outside of the chans) and a lot of the fics here. I'm not really much of critic so I can't really describe it but the primary difference I'd say is that the 'camera' used for the narrative is closer to first person fiction rather than third person fiction, at least compared to how second person is used in other places.

>>57205840
Huh. Now that you say it, it makes sense if it's more of an internet phenomena. CYOAs, MUDs, /qst/ threads all tend to be cooperative writing projects that sometimes rely on outer input telling you what you do.
I personally haven't come across it ever, but it's interesting how it feels natural to some people.

>>57206222
>>57204415
>>57205840
I can self insert in most first person protagonists, but second person is even more relatable; it also feels better when I'm plainly the one having sex with holos.
It might have to do with CYOA books being among my childhood favourites and second person being so rare.

>>57173373
Okay, I gave it a try. Overall, I can't really say anything that hasn't been said by other anons already. The writing is good. The UI might need some tweaking.
Suisei's little exchange with Nodoka at the beginning might've been a bit over the top. She felt more like Matsuri or other similar members with how she was coming off there.
>>57187136
1. N. This is a story about Kana and her personal struggle. Anon character would just get in the way. And, personally, I found Kana to be quite relatable. I know that "literally me" is a meme, but self-inserting as her would be pretty easy, scarily so, even.
3. Y. But that's more of a personal preference on my part. Though I do believe that these elements would open up more potential ways to explore Kana's character.
4. Alternate routes always sound fun. But the first and foremost thing I want is the story to actually get finished. Instead of being stuck in some development limbo.

Bump

>>57207445
London?

So what are you working on today anons?
Bonus Question: What's a fic you're still holding out hope for?

>>57210975
I'm bogged down with uni work, but I was able to write a bit of depression Polka in the time I could spare.
>Bonus
Every series that has not been finished. All of them.

>>57211559
Can you hook up >>57205498 with a thigh choking scene?

>>57210975
Not working on something today. Day is busy
>Bonus question
Footjob Lamy, any collar ideas and somehow, even if no one is working on it, a fic where Nerissa gets cucked and she violently masturbates to it

>>57211559
>Every series that has not been finished
You're a hopeful one, anon.

>>57210975
A demon sucking on BAC (Big Anon Cock)

>>57210975
Banged out another 1.5k. I'm almost finished.

>>57210975
going to try to finish up a sex scene then possibly wrap up the first draft of my Maid Chloe NTR fic

>>57211878
Holotori sex (with Kiara and one or more other birds) that Nerissa is only allowed to watch would be topical. Maybe superior to the Iroha/Chloe idea, even.

>>57211869
I'm not sure... I could try, but it would be hard to fit into the current landscape.
>>57211926
I know it's unlikely (and impossible for some), but it's such a waste to see them unfinished.

>>57212634
Won't hold my breath if it doesn't fit, no pressing matter. You just reminded me of that post from earlier.

>>57212412
>my Maid Chloe NTR
How the fuck does that work? Are you like her master/boyfriend that wakes up tied up in your master bedroom while Chloe and (insert preferred NTR man here) fuck on your bed?

>>57212412
Are you having a maid gf that cleans the houses and cocks of her customers?

>>57212964
>>57212944
she's working in a maid café

>>57213063
So she works in a maid cafe, and she has sex with the customers for reasons while presumably you get locked in chastity or something?

>>57211869
>thigh choking by Polka
Yup. Adding that one to the list of things she's gonna do to (You)

>>57212432
>Nerissa getting tied up, left to "simmer" (AKA soft bondage meant to make her horny) in preparation.
>They take the blindfold. Its a Kiara gangbang.
>Now that Nerissa is the cuck, Reine finally scores

Or the boring option
>You screw Kiara in front of Nerissa

>>57213402
there's a bit more to it.

Chloe is a JAV actress, The maid café scene Is an AV that Chloe stars in and she gives the video to her bf to watch

>>57213806
Does the bf know Kuroe is an actress?

>>57213806
Huh, Weird how this somehow feels tamer than if it was "real"... then I'm assuming this is trailing towards being NTS style helping her BF indulge in his fetish rather than full on NTR ending where it's her goodbye message that ends with you splooging onto the screen you're watching.

>>57214084
>>57214161
yep,. He knows what she does and she's doing it to appease his kink.

so yea, it is more NTS than NTR, forgive me for the wrong terminology

>>57213500
The others might yell at her until you wake up and affirm how pleasurable it was. Then they start offering you choking 69s and other fun stuff.

>>57189943
Gimp is trash. Use krita

>>57214361
You've grown soft on yourself, Chloecuck!
Though I remember that you always wanted love, not humiliation.

>>57213671
Or the twist option where you screw Kiara, but are revealed to be Reine.

>>57158460
An escape-the-room style fic where, after much trial-and-error, it is surmised that the only way to escape is by taking the chuuba that captured you by the arse and slurping out a wet shit nugget from her stinky brown eye.

>>57215281
>Ending reveals you were a peacock the entire time.
Unrelated, but have we ever had a fic that ran with the twits of (You) were a chuuba the entire time just hidden by the second person perspective?

>>57210975
I think I finally have the proper inspiration for the FuwaMoco saviorfag story. The only thing I'm trying to work out now is if it should be like Building Block Doll or something more normal. Haven't quite decided.

>>57215122
These times of intimacy ain't a free show! How are all these other women always given a front row seat? What I do with my hags is private to me, the hag, or the other hags that were personally invited.

>>57215835
Aww, at least one of them should do some voyeurism and then the news spread from there!

>>57215232
not to get too ahead of myself, but I have a future idea plan involving getting humiliated by Lui. not sure if he'll ever read it, But I wanted to write it for Luicuck But that's a different day.

>>57213500
I really need to get started on catching up with holojourneys.

>>57158460
Shiori violently raping you

>>57215895
I'm not saying certain people won't try. A man needs his privacy every now and again though especially when they're getting experimental.

>>57187136
For question 5: I think you, the author, need to make a decision about whether you want to keep this your solo project and just work on everything with occasional feedback or if you want to have direct collaborators for this. If it's the latter you should create like a rentry/doc to explain the project then have that include a project email in order to see who'll be up to helping you in this.

>>57216891
Maybe Anon is kind of embarrassed by it but Polka boasts about it to some others, and then they come to Anon with offers to do it even better.

>>57217959
>Holojourneys Anon ending up in the dream arena after having a near-Mori experience from not tapping out in response to getting choked out by feuding hag thighs.

>>57219022
>Near-Mori
Heh

>>57219022
There's actually a near-mori experience planned down the road. It's gonna be cool. Also
>Hjanon explaining how he came to the dream arena: "Last thing I remember is Botan wrapping her thighs around my neck and I told her to go a little harder. Oops. Well all my dreams are fucking crazy anyway, so might as well ride this one out."

>>57219963
Who would HJAnon fight with before it leads to an inevitable crossover

>>57220104
Haven't thought about the where or how that happens yet, just the resulting adventure that comes from being technically dead. The Mori in HJ world will pretty much be a constrained apprentice to death, and wants to actually venture out into the world and do her own thing for a bit, which is where the hero comes in. Even though he might naturally wake up on his own, she strongarms him a little to help convince the spooky reaper man himself to give her a little more freedom and walk the earth for a bit. That's at least the initial idea.

>>57173373

Hm, I can't seem to get it working? Does ye have any tips to get it to work? I'm using a mac, if that helps.

>>57215710
How the hell do you tie does two things together? Do they save (You) by sticking you in diapers.

>>57222888
Doing a cursory search I think this maybe because the release is only a windows version and you may need to use the Ren py mac launcher in order to get it to work. Though fair warning even the wiki page I'm looking at is saying the page may be hilariously out of date.

>>57223007
Well I have a plan for both concepts, just seeing if I could feasibly mesh them into one story.

But I might not. If I can't get the two to gel correctly than I'll make two stories so it doesn't make one story half in half out. I'm still brainstorming about what I want right now.

>>57226201
It's your fic at the end of the day, but I can't really see the connection between the two unless it's like a pure fetish thing of age regressing to hide the pain away.
Though who knows, maybe you can make it a satisfying mix and have FuwaMoco save you while sticking you in diapers and teaching you kid level Japanese.

>>57219022
"Feuding thighs" makes me think of them trying to free Anon from the other girl's thighs to choke him out themselves - while he just enjoys the experience of naked, sweaty hags wrestling for the privilege of servicing him.

>>57228011
That just sounds like a stupid contest they would make for themselves. Anon will also be no stranger to naked wrestling and will find it pretty enjoyable.

>>57158460
A resident evil spoof where you get turned into a shota and have to survive the predators of hololive

>>57228129
It'd be fun to see someone more reserved or dignified like Lamy get dragged into the (kinky) silliness sometime.
Especially her collabs with Nene can be hilarious that way.

>>57158341

Cover High/Pekora Finale, Part 1

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vS-c0ofN7S13CwiwV_x4wDsd0-4skzKORUUpy2FVwd6A_7QDg-rSxBp8lb3-t2eIz6u3GaDlyCKAHGG/pub

Tags: SFW, Pekora, Gen 3, Fluff/Romance, Comedy, Chuuni Bullshit

This was originally going to be a much shorter scene, but I ended up taking the limiters off and going absolutely balls-deep with the ridiculous chuuni nonsense. And as a result, I decided it'd be best to isolate it from the rest of the finale. Having something like this at the very beginning of the chapter would absolutely murder the pacing. Special thanks to AA for proofreading, as always.

>>57228206
>doesn't remember shotas are hyper competent predators in their own right

They will be running from him.
https://youtu.be/664T5ScFabk?si=gC4iNZg_bTAwOfcc

>>57229829
Thats where the spoof part.
Its a re4 setting so Anon can bsckflip, smack Noel's tits and go
>NO WAY,COW

>>57228822
I'm going to get so much mileage out of Lamy and Nene interacting. They're basically from opposite worlds. It's going to take so long for me to finally get there, but it's gonna be so worth it.

>>57207445
Sick and phone posting so will be short terse sounding. I agree with this. Will very actively consider best font decisions. As for being ooc and matsuri like you're totally right. Will probably rewrite that part good call.
>>57215130
Will look into krita thanks for the tip

>>57158460
A story where Lamy is a horny little minx who is constantly goading you into assaulting her while still pretending to be innocent.
Stuff like flashing you in an elevator when no one is looking, mimicking a blowjob the second someone leaves the room and more

OC children of a chuuba, minor/side character

Yes or no? Dos and donts?

>>57232281
Yes if you want. Most people sidestep them while others flat out give them names and designs.
I feel like if you write them well enough and dont make them overbearing, people will like them

>>57226729
>teaching you kid level Japanese.

Ooh that's a good idea I hadn't thought about. Hope you don't mind if I steal that one.

Like I said though, I'm not committed to it. If I find the two can't be meshed well I won't try to do it. I could easily make it two stories and if it's better as two, it'll be two.

>>57228129
Naked hag wrestling? Hook me up!

>>57210975
still baking suisex. stopped my progress to go back and edit what i've got so far. definitely feeling grateful for the feedback i received last night.
>Bonus
i'd really love to see something that showcases Chloe. this adorable orca needs to be given a sweet, wholesome ride into the ground. i want to hear her moan out "POE" over and over.

>>57234142
Be patient and trust the plan.
>>57234205
Give me some time, I'll get ya what you need. It'll be worth it, I promise.

>>57234630
I'm very much looking forward to all these places you'll take us to on this HoloJourney.

>>57234630
I will NOT trust the plan

>>57212944
>>57213402
>>57213806
>>57215940
I am gonna collapse into a puddle...
Have been debating a bit over how to take the later dirty talk in the Lui fic because Chloecuck strikes me as the kind of semi-wholesome cuck that just likes seeing his girlfriend act unabashedly slutty, where the reporting is more of an afterthought to the casual promiscuity she gets up to. Meanwhile I'm moreso into spoiling and personal attention, which naturally segues into heavier and heavier humiliation. I guess there's ultimately time to try out both types in different fics in the future but I'd definitely like to match your preference if you're going out of your way to match mine.

>>57235665
You can not trust it all you want, but you'll be a believer by the time I'm through with you.
>>57235657
Hopefully no part of this journey will feel hollow for you.

NijiTravels when?

>>57236496
But do you like to watch, like Mumei?

>>57238061
I mean, Pomu's already in HJ, and I'm sure in the next 48 months we'll get Toko or another Niji hag or something

>>57238061
But Pomu's already in. Nina will be in too eventually. Rosemi could make an appearance as well when things need to get a little more earthy magic wise.
I got roles already planned for the half dragon sisters, and possibly a joke encounter with the feesh.

>>57238320
>just looked up toko since I'm not terribly versed in JP nijis
>Also realized I have cards of this damn girl from the WIXOSS collab niji did, while im STILL waiting for the english release of that main set so I can get my pomu card in english
You sir have just made yourself a sale.

>>57238891
She and Suisei are also pretty close friends

Fine, VSPOtrips when?

>>57239168
That's some good info. I've been slowly trying to cook up things and past relationships for the comet, so maybe Toko is a good avenue for that.

>>57239215
What I'd give for a fic where Qpi's tight, plump, bronze ass gets railed

>>57229597
how many parts does cover high have now, respect

>>57239481
Good god, man

>>57239436
If you do manage to include Toko, I'll love you forever.

K>>57229597
Wow, much longer than expected. I'll enjoy this greatly

>>57238144
I'm actually not terribly interested in detailed sex scenes between the girl and the bull(s) relative to her verbal account of them after the fact. Personal attention and all. If she orders me to be present for the act filming her, or maybe like, bound to a chair, that's a different matter, because now I'm part of the focus
>captcha: HDPR0

>>57236496
I'd like to see a reverse netorare, where Chloe does the whole jav thingy because her bf wants her to, but fears anon has no attachement or love to her since he lets her get passed around so easily.
>A-Anon, babe, please just... hold me
>Yes! Tell that to him and I'll watch

>>57241974
The Nips love this shit, you see it all the time as a plot device in NTS -> NTR developments where the cuck is depicted as either too much of a controlling asshole or too much of a spineless wimp to let the play stop escalating. Haruhisky just released a doujin like that. It's not super my cup of tea since I prefer the girl to remain "into" making her subby partner flustered, but I don't hate it either.

>>57239950
At a glance she's an easy include in a fantasy setting. I'll be sure to do my homework for when the time comes, and I'll do my best to represent her in a fun way. I'll also accept any initial tidbits you wanna throw my way.

>>57243167
I'll give you this clip channel to start off with
https://www.youtube.com/@NextDtheOtter/videos

>>57243284
Thanks friend.
>Dat voice
>the cute round ears
>The small adorable smile
Damn son.

>>57242902
NTA but thats why i think so many people lack the ability to write proper NTR/NTS.
It implies a level of trust,control and not having shame that a lot of shitty doujin and writers dont feel confortable at all exploring so its either "UAAH SHE WAS CORRUPTED BY NIGGERMAN BECAUSE TANAKA WAS WORKING" or "he's a fat slob that hates her so of Course Chaddington Jones comed to steal her" to avoid triying to write a proper cuck or a proper bull.

>>57173373
If you want to spend some extra effort, you could add some small voice bits here and there.
Not actual voice acting of course, just clips of "hmm", "haha", "ne?" etc, when it happens to fit the scene.
You can sample from streams, or rip from already-made fan soundboards.
https://noise.suisei.moe/

>>57240825
What if she tied you up and interacted with you while getting fucked?

>>57245236
God damn these are old, I forgot just how high she made her voice back then. Her current natural tone is way way better. Now Towa and Flare need to follow in her footsteps and drop their forced voices

>>57245552
>deep manly voices ah ah ah ah
t. nips with shit taste

>>57245552
Suisei's old high-pitched voice was much better.

>>57245795

>>57244087
In utter fairness, at some point you have to accept that people actually like that unrealistic mind break/ full cuckolding thing when it comes to the fantasy since involving the third party (either cuck or bull) becomes superfluous if you just want to see one side of that relationship. So either they're effectively a walking cock that just exists to make the cuck miserable or an unknowing fool who gets his wife/gf taken from them before jacking off pathetically in the final scene.
Thinking everyone else can't write proper NTR is a bit of a fucking reach when clearly there are people that enjoy and jack off to that 'improper' NTR.

>>57245795

>>57244087
>>57246057
Yeah it's a bit of a fuzzy line talking about writing schlock when the market for said schlock is thriving. You can't necessarily differentiate between someone producing it because they're a lazy shit and someone producing it because they're trend-savvy and looking to cash in. I've seen otherwise vanilla artists suddenly release one trashy NTR work, rake in thousands, and then go right back to business as usual more than a few times. Shame for more nuanced NTS though, it's magnitudes hotter and far rarer.

>>57245370
O-Oh...

>>57245795
人生の選択を考え直してください、この臭いオタク。

>>57245986
>>57246429
The unnatural pitch juxtaposed extremely well with her razor-sharp tongue and lightning wit.
Her natural voice just makes her sound uncouth. Especially her horrid coughing laugh.

>>57245236
my brother in Christ, you just gave me everything i wanted and more.

what i thought was God granting me a reward, was instead Lucifer luring me down a dark road.

Suisei was grinning, staring down at me. A predatory smile spread across her face as she licked her lips and bit down on them. She bent forwards, giving me another twirl around my cock, cooing into my ear, “No more smartass words? Nothing you can say?

>>57222888
Oh sorry mate I only did a windows thing thoughtlessly. Give me a little bit and I'll build and upload hppkva Mac version

>>57232281
Yes, We'll read them. We've had a couple of fics run with having them as the central concept behind the fic, with Fox Family being the prime example. Still the concept is still pretty unexplored, so we don't really have much in the way of a track record to base do and donts off of.

>>57246547
>O-Oh...
What girl would you like to be tied up by when she's getting plowed, and what would you like her to do to you? I don't know much about NTR/NTS, but humiliation and bondage are my favourite parts of BDSM.

>>57247087
https://www.mediafire.com/file/a1jbab1cvxozncu/StiltedStellar-1.0-mac.zip/file

here it is

>>57248140
NTA but the classic scenario for this is holding their hands while they get fucked from behind and lose themselves to that pleasure.

>>57248140
U-Uhh... there are different levels of intensity. On the shallow end, you'd have something like this >>57249380 where you two are just making contact while she's going wild with the bull - maybe she's even blowing you or giving you a handjob while she's at it. On the more intense end, you'll see things like this:
https://img3.gelbooru.com//images/4c/8d/4c8d7c592b9ddd1746774d69f0288ed5.gif
...complete with verbal humiliation regarding your size/performance/excessive willingness to follow orders. Oftentimes the cuck is expected to jerk himself off or cum hands-free if he wants release as part of a denial/comparison shtick, if he even gets release at all this session. For example, this guy:
https://gelbooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=list&tags=brokao&pid=0
...also does a lot of hot scenarios, many involving chastity cages, which I doubt you have much experience with unless you're a freak. They're to me the ultimate form of trusting submission.

In terms of chuuba, it's kind of hard to explain which do and don't work, so here's a brief top-of-my-head list of ones approved for BDSM NTR in no particular order:
Botan
Matsuri
Iroha
Okayu
Elira
Chloe
Kanata
Fubuki
Noel
Lui
Risu
Ame
IRyS
Shiori

>>57158460
Chloe taking a massive shit, freezing the log, and then using it to fuck her pussy senseless.

>>57250360
Hot

>>57250303
Okay, so it's plenty of humiliation and a cock cage from one of those women for you.
Thanks for the detailed input!

>>57248333
>https://www.mediafire.com/file/a1jbab1cvxozncu/StiltedStellar-1.0-mac.zip/file

Thaks mate. 'ppreciate it. You're doing the comet's work out there.

>>57251804
>here's your oshi getting some rough love from a better man while shit-talking you, Anon. no cumming allowed, by the way!
Th-Thanks...

>>57252666
You could say he's doing some Stellar Steller work eh?

>been at a writers block for a week and a half even though I've got a good plot idea for this chapter
>no matter what I do, what media I consume, how many walks I take, it's just nothing
>go pull the trash around to the dumpster and suddenly the creativity flows out of me

The lesson here? My work is trash, thus is inspired by it.

>>57253367

Yes, yes he is. A stellar, stellar work.

>>57253367
>>57254627

>>57254840

Hey, anon put in the effort to make an entire frickin' light novel with music & everything, I'd say he's earned the praise.

Would you guys die of embarrassment if your oshi ever finds out about the stuff you've made here? Doubly so if they even allude to it/outright comment on it on stream?

>>57256580
'Die' of embarrassment? No, I'd actually kill myself. I'm never reaching that high again.

>also
I once had a dream in which Mori mentioned some of my fics and I lump in my throat when I almost mentioned I wrote the stories she was talking about.

>>57256580
I'd feel over ten feet tall.
>inb4 my oshi says: There's just too much to read
I'd still be over the moon that they actually found it and gave it a chance.

>>57256580
I would never be able to live with myself if Flare saw Brown Black and Blue Because I Love You. I can't even imagine the curses she'd sling at me.

>>57256580
Thankfully my oshi can't read or speak English so I'm safe either way. Although she got her mum to translate and read it to her for some godforsaken reason, I'd die twice.

>>57256580
she'd call me based because she used to read naruto fanfiction

>>57257491
>I can't even imagine the curses she'd sling at me.
I can, and I got a boner.

>>57229597
Anons, it is officially a national holiday.

>>57257534
Imagine if she asked an english speaking colleague who willfully makes it out to be worse than it is.

>>57257491
I used to be scared of what Flare would think if she somehow was able to read HJ and how much sexual tension I've brewed between her and Anon. I think she's gotten more chill over that kinda stuff though. If she read it as it is right now, probably won't give me much shit outside of a few nitpicks. If she read it AFTER this arc however.
>A whole chapter going into her and anon's first sexual experience complete with building waking moans and screams.
She MIGHT have a few choice words for me then. She'll also definitely not like the elf threesome later with Lamy.

>>57257913
>She'll also definitely not like the elf threesome later with Lamy.

The remains to be seen. The only way to truly know is to do that in real life. I volunteer to be do this with Lamy and Flare in this experiment so we can know with 100% certainty.

>>57257913
Maybe she will forgive you if she also gets a threesome with Noel

>>57236496
>I'd definitely like to match your preference if you're going out of your way to match mine.

I'm sorry ahead of time if I don't make it that good. But it's something I wanted to try since you were the one who took my request initially

>>57256580
I would rather not have her see my work. But if it ever came to that, I'd have to own up to it and assure her they were all born out of a desire to write.

>>57229597
This was really cute. I like that Pekora and transfer student haven’t lost their competitive sparks with each other, even though it seemed to get too serious at one point. The wall of red text also made the regular black characters look green once I was done. Your descriptions are great as always, and I’m excited for the next part.

>>57256580
Shiori's a fanfic fiend and that's kinda half the reason I ever considered writing one

>>57260396
That said idk if she actually read 'em because they're super long. At a certain word count you sort of resolve yourself to no one reading

Anyone ever thought about MonsterGirl chuubas? i think that's worth exploring

>>57262917
I think about then all the time

>>57262917
>>57264097

>>57262917
>lamia Kronii
>centaur Fauna
>harpy Mumei with her massive dumptruck ass
Could be fun

>>57260449
That's what makes knowing even a single person reads it that much better.
>>57258805
That's gonna take a miracle to happen in the story. And I'm just the man for the job.

>>57265815
Why is she smiling like that...

>>57262917
i kinda want to see some lamia sex like >>57265729 said but i know im on the minority
>>57266742
Shiorin is a person who unironically would call you a rare critter

>>57265815
yeah i told someone this in the novelite thread but sometimes one nice comment is all you need to keep on the writing grind for six more months.

>>57229597
That was the most dramatic eating contest I’ve ever seen. Dumb, silly, and a little cute at the beginning and end. Good job anon
>Pekora playing footsie with you under the table
Uoh…

>>57268093
I'm on the opinion that you should foremost write for yourself. If it's fun for you, that's the best fuel you can ever have. That said though, sometimes a little comment about a particular scene or delivery is always nice to see.

Random story from the archive
>Deranged fluff mori
Ngl, its a pretty good idea but i dont think ive ever saw someone discuss ir

>>57256580
I've only ever written fluff about JP members, they'd need someone to translate.
I'd hope they like it and don't think me a sappy idiot

>>57270148
that's true, but i'm also trying to make a career out of it. plus, you know, pure i do it for myself and i wouldn't mind burying it in the ground after i make it can only go so far imo. at the start of the year i finished a book i spent five years writing that i'm still querying so it's sort of like... it can be hard after the creative burnout you get from that to keep going without any back pats at all, you know?

>>57272258
If I remember right this was a greentext chain that got made in thread from Mori horniness.
Though it's pretty weirdly gathered together, I think the discussion does it more justice.>>38838712
Still, damn that's a hot concept.

>>57273157
This is kind of out of scope for /wg/ but if you want to make it writing genre fiction for a male audience the new hotness is litrpg/xianxia. Make a cool concept twisting some familiar concepts and write in a way that you can serialize weekly updates on royalroad/wherever accepts your kind of writing and you'll eventually make a living off of Patreon and amazon book sales.

>>57274163
Yeah that's my next project after ToT. Basically I'll get that off the ground and do Stilted Stellar as a fun little side thing. I've actually got a really slick idea for a web novel in that genre. A few actually but one in particular I think is just bananas.

>>57274163
Actually sorry to derail thread but quick question in this context does xianxia mean cultivation stories? I know Isekai litrpg have been big in the male western reader market with web novels but I'm kind of surprised to hear about cultivation stuff being big with western readers. Would something like second coming of gluttony count as that?

>>57275394
Xianxia/wuxia are sort of both cultivation stories, just on different scales. Wuxia is like kung fu scale, xianxia is like on dbz scale. Wuxia tends to focus more on martial arts, while xianxia gets deep into all the quadrillion heavens and the protag refining six planets for a single pill or whathaveyou. SCOG is more of a Litrpg, which korean stories tend to lean towards

So whens voting?

>>57275656
Never. Everyone's a winner in my book.

>>57158460
A-chan looses her glasses and shenanigans ensue where she keeps confusing the girls from one another.

>>57275394
Respectively, xianxia style cultivation stories have been one of genres that have quietly been rising up in popularity. Like it's still nicher than litrpg stuff but the way power levels tend to work in those kind sof stories does make an easy audience crossover, especially since western authors tend to focus more on the parts of the genre they found cool which tightens that relationship with Isekai/litrpg stuff due to how prevalent 'systems' are in the genre. Never read that so I can't really say, but like searching up xianxia on royalroad will give you a decent picture on what's popular in that subgenre in the west. Though to give you a place to start looking, look at Virtuous Sons and Beware of Chicken for examples of western xianxia that have the jump into getting published on amazon.
I'll stop now, this is kind of a complete derail.

>>57276092
>>57275643
Thank you a lot both of you... It means a lot to me. Those are good hints and leads. Really really really appreciate it super thank you

>>57275765
Maybe the real winner was the stories we wrote along the way

>>57275656
Anon...
>The submission period for stories is one month, starting on 07/25 and ending on 08/25 (23:59 UTC-12 time). You can submit a story at any time during this period, and all stories that have been submitted will be available to view in this archive. An additional week will be given after the end date for voters to read some stories and decide on their favourites (08/26 - 09/01). The voting period will last three days (09/02 - 09/04) and will be completed via Google Forms.

>>57275656
Anon, if you know about the contest then surely you’ve at least checked out the archive/info page?

>>57277326
>>57278827
I was just testing you guys, good job you passed!

>>57275394
No worries about derailing - conversations a dozen or so posts in length, that are related to writing or literature in some way, aren't out of place here.

>>57160212
With how sponsorships are a big deal in the idol industry, I've always wanted to recreate this scene from Wayne's World but with chuubas instead: https://youtu.be/KjB6r-HDDI0

>>57279804
I'm pretty sure there's like two ways you can do this. Either go down the list of usual shill games (FFXIV, Raid, Gachas)vwhile the girls are saying how they will never play (insert fictional sponsorship), or to vary it up from the original, have it be a scene where they disparage merch while the text goes on a five paragraph gag about all of the holomerch they're all wearing.

CLEAR! This post is sponsored by Pepsi

You didn't post enough nsfw images, now the advertisers are here.

>>57282640
Should I start incestposting again to scare them off?

>>57283077
Not him, but what if Pepsi supports incest

>>57283187
Then they just got themselves a new customer

This post was brought to you by the National Fluff Party. We work to warm your heart.

Fubutt.

At this rate the next contest is going to be either marketing- oder election-themed.

>>57283077
start incestposting anyways...just to be safe

>>57158403
I've been reading through Tower of Tattle, about halfway through.
It's an interesting fic with a compelling narrative voice. Only real problem I'm having is that the author seems allergic to using said as a way to mark who's speaking. Kind of makes it really easy to get lost on who's supposed to be talking, especially with how the prose is actually interesting enough that you can actually get lost in keeping track despite it just being two characters.
Also I'm apparently in the same kind of autism space as the author as I can pretty clearly see the setting inspirations being offbrand nasuverse maguses + the library of babel.

>>57285890
>offbrand nasuverse
>part 1's opening blurb directly mentions Brands, The Root and The Clocktower
Well, consider me in.

>>57285890
oh i am really autistic about that actually... you think it'd be better if i just went ahead and tagged all the lines? i actually was literally debating this as i wrote. what's a good rule of thumb for you personally as far as tagging?
>>57286803

i'm glad you guys are into this too! i really like a lot of the nasuverse, but there are also lots of things that drive me crazy about it. being quite frank, i took stuff so directly from the setting that it is just taking advantage of the fact that it's fanfic to do imitation-bordering-on-stealing. i suppose the nicer way of putting it is i thought shiori's kayfabe character fit really well in the nasuverse

>>57288330
Well in pure prose I'm in the school of thought that says you should use said as the invisible workhorse to denote who's speaking but I'm not sure throwing that in as a bandaid will work for this fic specifically given that a lot of what makes the narration compelling was in how tightly woven together it is. I think you need to figure out how to best use dialogue tags with your writing style then see where it gets thick in order to edit them in where appropriate.

>>57272258
>>57273723
a bit late but JWU.
Its also wild how this came to be on the peak of this site's hateboner for mori

>>57266742
She's thinking about when to let her thousands of paypig gachikois unlock

Well im off to class. Cant believe we spent that long in a tournament

>>57252861
Maybe later

Bakers doko?

>>57293730
I'm unavailable because I'm literally baking a cake, ironically.

>>57273157
Understandable, but it's also good to keep in mind, for every person who actually speaks up and says something about your work, there's easily five-ten times that amount who are being silent about it. Feedback good or bad, is something a decent amount of people struggle to convey or post. Once you put your work out there, people will see it. You may not be made aware of who or when, but it is being seen and likely enjoyed silently. If you're putting in the passion, effort, and time into your piece, people will definitely see it and enjoy it.

we all love her, right?

>>57293730
I'll get to making one once when we're about to slide off from auto sage.

>>57285677
I think if we ever do another contest arc we really should pick a theme or prompt in order to narrow shit down, especially since going by this post >>57033774 we got like 10ish writers who suffered from scope creep and couldn't finish

>>57297544
At least now we know the general gist of how the thread handles contests and time constraints. The next contest can be adjusted based on what we've learnt.

>>57297544
The theme has been suggested before and I still think it's a bad idea.
Also, why do we need to "narrow down"

>>57256580
Depends on her reaction. I think she'd mostly be embarrassed, which I'd find cute and be happy about, but in the event she laughs and says "this is super gross" I would be completely shattered.

>>57256580
She'd probably wonder why I write so much about her senpais but not her.

>>57298015
NTA but I think it's a good idea. If every contest is directionless then it's hard to vote because we'll be comparing apples to oranges. If a theme ends up making things worse we can always switch back to a more open format, but I think it would be wise to test the waters. A themed contest could end up being really interesting with seeing how different authors interpret the same thing.

>>57297772
Yeah I think as much as the freedom of the first contest gave rise to a wide variety of works. Going by the replies it looks like a lot of authors also got too lost in the clouds and couldn't a story in time. Some form of limitations to foster creativity might be a something we can experiment with in the next contest.
>>57298015
>why do we need to "narrow down"
I think the complete lack of limitations outside of board scope kind of made it too easy to scope creep like in some of the responses to the post I linked. Given that further contests aren't going to be our attempt to raid the board for new blood anymore, having it be a creative challenge to the writers here would be a fun way to keep having it.

>>57298015
I like both open-themed contests and restrictive contests. But above all, another contest shouldn't be repetitive.
This one was as open as possible to make it attractive to new writers and people already working on something, in order to maximize the number of entries and the number of new authors. But doing the same thing again would only lead to diminishing returns.
Now that we've tried this format and gained experience with the organization and formalities of it, we can go for something else. I'd like to see restrictions that lead to more comparable entries and that let us, collectively, explore a topic that hasn't gotten enough actual writing attention for how much posts and thoughts were dedicated to it.

If we do host another contest that's centered around a central theme or concept (thus making it harder to submit existing fics/WIPs), we should definitely increase the length of the submission period. Maybe not double it, but we're known to be slow so a month to pull of a completely brand new fic might be a struggle for many writers.

>>57299585
And cut down on the maximum word count.

If we're going to have a theme, I'd want the prompt to be as attractive as possible for all sorts of people to interpret as they wish. I think having a creatively appealing prompt will encourage innovation.
>>57299761
I agree with this. Stretch people's creativity by having them utilize shorter scenes.

I present the Suibread:
>>57299791

>>57297544
>>57298928
If you want to put something in your story, do it. If you can't put something in your story, don't. Blaming a lack of restrictions for scope creeping yourself so hard that you end up submitting nothing is a skill issue.

>>57299761
>>57299971
How long was A Cursed Dagger? In my mind that kind of length would be just right as the maximum word count, maybe with an extra few pages.

>>57300248
Going by the post >>56917588 it was 8420 words long

>>57300515
Oh, I didn't realise the author had posted a wordcount. In that case I think 10k words is a nice round number, it could work as the absolute limit.

>>57300205
It might be a skill issue, but knowing that doesn't do anything to fix the problem.
If a delivery driver calls you because he's too dumb to find your address, you can tell him it's a skill issue and hang up on him - but if you want the delivery to arrive at your home you'll have to help him out, even if you feel like he should be able to figure it out on his own.

>>57300654
Your analogy fails because a contest entry is not a specific delivery from a specific driver. Not my problem.

>>57301767
If trying to get entries for the writing contest isn't your problem, that's fine. Stand aside and let those who do care hold the contest as they see fit.

>>57300127
Flatbread*