/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

Thinking of writing a Hellfire parody about Lia.

I'm not dead just yet, I'll wait for video games to get boring first. Contrary to popular opinion, I wasn't banned for some major scandal, I was put on probation for being a parasocial sperg. The mods were willing to tell people I was taking a break for mental health reasons. I'm the one who insisted on telling people I was banned. All I had to do was calm the fuck down and I would eventually have been let back in.

I have a compulsion to waste the second chances I get. It's what I've always done. I really wanted things to be different this time but something inside me has a need to completely ruin any kind of acceptance I get. It was an intentional effort to make sure I would be completely despised by the community that once welcomed me with open arms. I was creepy and my mental health has been spiraling for a long time. I didn't doxpost Lia but I did say mean things. Any kind of antiposting after I disappeared wasn't me.

The only thing I want to defend myself on is that Lia's friends had communities of their own online. I believed I was a welcome member but it's quite possible they were just placating some unhinged autist. I'm sorry to the people I hurt and I'm sorry to Lia. I won't be back under a new name because as pathetic as it is, "Flakes" is really my identity.

I really did want things to end differently but I have done this with any group I've ever been accepted into. I genuinely don't think I can emotionally handle any kind of community or friendship. I warned people in advance but maybe they thought I was joking. I don't expect to be forgiven but I won't hurt any more communities, I deserve and need to be isolated. Hopefully everyone who hates me knows I haven't been doing well at all for the past month and a half. I don't say this for pity, but so people who hate me can find some enjoyment in that at least. I'll delete the tweets I made around when I was hospitalized. I'll stop whining now but I do know what I did was wrong and I'll make sure no one has to deal with my shit in the future even if it means shutting myself off from the world entirely. I want to thank everyone for the love and support I was given by Lia and the community as a whole before I spit on it all.

>>63606056
:^)