/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>56493840
I think I've said this to every new entry in the nsfw category I've read but they keep getting better and better.
Anyway much like that other anon this whole thing feels like it's in two parts, the reunion and the smut.
The first part is amazing. Stellar stellar is a cheesy as hell way to reunite them but there really isn't any other way I'd have it. The romance here feels great, it's cheesy but earnest, that I couldn't help but cheer like a girl reading a romance novel everytime they got closer. Honestly wished we got more of that.
As for the second part with the smut. It's fine. I like how it reads but the way you write your prose is simultaneously very engaging but weirdly lacking in the kind of erotic language I find hot in smut fics. The plot threads you threw in at the end are kind of weird. Kind of feels like you wanted to set up that sex comedy more than just doing the expected ending of a timeskip to the two of them taking that shot of the comet and kissing under the stars.
Now for some miscellaneous thoughts.
I like the attention to detail, and the pseudo-real life setting you went with that's a few touches closer to 'real' than the standard setting. Feels really appropriate for any fics involving the idol double life without having to do the make up fake roommates thing.
It's kind of weird you went with A-chan rather than her pseudocanoncial name of Asuka, but then again this isn't her story, but if you wanted to make that fucking A-chan is jealous thing more obvious you could have tried to have her make Anon call her that.
Line spacing is fine on mobile, but that's because mobile makes every story look the same.
This fic has convinced me that if we ever have a writing rumble 2 we need to separate stuff via genre rather than N/SFW. This was some great fucking romance but in a vote against pure smut fics I don't think this has a chance. I mean this fic has my vote but it's ashame that the category is kind of stacked against it.
This all feels like it could have worked better as a series from the onset but given that this is your contest entry it is kind of hard to justify throwing something out because it was too good of an idea. Still I feel like the latter half would have worked so much better if this had been the climax of a three chapter mini arc setting up the rest of romcom.

>>54028147
speak for yourself, my husband is gorgeous

So are you holding off till the submission to start writing for the contest or have you already started?

>>51849269
debutante ball reminds me of picrel

Bump

>>45995612
I think that angle of 'obsessive but not sociapathic' might be the most you can get for 'Suisei yandere but not suicopath' without effectively strangling her core characterization. Since the only other angle I can think of is
>Suisei is (You)r comet
>Everything about her.
>Her looks. Her persona. Her rise to fame.
>Everything she has done was made to appeal to (You) because you're her X.
Which as a concept manages to be yandere but kind of goes completely against Suisei's character/myth since it devalues 'Suisei' into just being a means to an end for Suisei.

>>32624134
Mikochi...

So I say, what I wanted to be was never
a prince who is a savior
but a Cinderella who waits forever
just to watch the shooting star you have become

the shooting star you've been all along
(Stellar Stellar)