/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>nyana deleted the ghetto (FLAVR)
it's an abstract kind of feel

>>51277078
Apologies for the stream of consciousness ramblng:
I've seen all of Marie's selfdrawings and they always felt like they had some sadness underneath them. You ever seen a guy who's lived a tragic life smile? It's a true and honest smile. Not just pure joy, but joy contrasted with tragedy, a look of exhaustion.
Not even in the faces themselves, but in the composition and lines. It screams of a soul that tries to free itself from a grim reality through said art. I felt that from the start when I started watching mehlo, that deep seated melancholy.
I've felt that sensation for years. Happy, but not quite, like a shadow hiding the full shape of that emotion. Not depression, but rather raw feeling. It might sound pretentious. Ennui but not out of boredom. The emotion of sheer resignation after losing something you worked hard on.
I developed an emotional connection to mehlo not from a gosling perspective, but rather cause I felt someone who had the same weight on her mind. It's that desperate wish to not be alone with your thoughts, but also knowing that you must face them head on.
Now, let me stop you right there, I have gone to mental health shit, I am not schizophrenic nor on the schizo spectrum. I am ever so slightly autistic.
Whenever I watched mehlo I could deeply empathize with her, as I saw myself in her, it helped keep the dark thoughts away, feel a kindred spirit. I only realized how much she helped with these sensations and feels when she graduated, and I slowly drifted back into those sensations, now more sound of mind, but maybe weaker of spirit.
I've yet to find another person whom I could empathize as such, even my GF whom I love with all my heart is not someone who'd understand this, it's like a kick in the balls, you might have heard how it is, but only after getting kicked you understand the terrible experience.
They say people have 3 faces, one for the public, one for close ones and one for ourselves. I saw the face she kept for her own, in a way.
Everything dyed in that overpowering sensation of sheer density. I saw a path forwards thanks to mehlo. I only wish she can do the same, as I'd have for the one who helped me to get stuck in the same hole I did, which, if you go by the updated channel description, seems to be straight to where she's going.
I'm not mehloanon if you are wondering.