/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

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Fucking hate the semicolon

bottom five punctuation for sure

>>55786224
Always in the mood for something like that, who's the girl then?

>>49121792
>Onion challenging your masculinity for not conforming to her disgusting and unhealthy tastes

>>47713125
>Anon thinks Aqua is trying to seduce him
>Being a latent retardsexual, can't control himself and breaks Aqua's bed rearranging her guts
>Aqua rests in the afterglow thinking that she somehow just scored a boyfriend and is too pea-brained to come to another conclusion
>Anon freaks out and tries to ghost her
>Onion, who thinks that he MUST have been single to want to sleep with her, decides that your GF must actually be a jealous roommate who's trying to steal you away
>Doubles up on being as sexy as possible, believing this to be some rom-com type deal in the making so she had to win you over

>>37449403
I finally got to read through all of this, and I have to say it was worth the wait. This is one of the best romance fics I’ve ever read. While your approach to making and releasing this all at once was a bit weird, the fact that it made this as tight and well written as it is made it was well worth it. Even if I would have loved to have seen this as a slow burn fic that was serially released as you wrote it, this was good as well.[/spoiler
I don’t know if this is intentional but you have a habit of long run-on sentences while Anon’s alone. I honestly can’t tell if this is intentional since this completely vanishes when he’s interacting with others. Aside from that, your prose is great. In particular, you have some really fucking good dialogue. The only real nitpick I have is that you sometimes have weird tense troubles alongside a couple awkward sentences.
Other than that, the writing is solid outside of Ayame scenes they feel ‘tell’ rather than ‘show’ with how she narrates it. I guess it’s a necessary sacrifice. As otherwise the word count would have to balloon even higher than what it is now. Because even if I would have loved for it to be even more in depth, I can tell even you’ve kind of gone way past your initial word-count estimations.
That ending smut scene was so good. It ties it all together so well. The echo of the past dialogue and the detail of the emotions and actions made it all go together perfectly. Probably one of the best endings to a fic we’ve gotten in a while.
Also, why the hell is Aqua referred to as a pink-haired girl? She’s purple.

>>25696931
It's an interesting idea, but I think it'd be a touch complicated. Like is she faking her autism to seem harmless or is constantly misreading things because of it?