/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>88850145
Felt wrong to make my vote without at least sharing some thoughts so here:
>Anon survives?
Meh, felt too generically yandere/ thread meme rather than a good chuuba fic.
>A Chance Encounter By The Moonlight
Too much bloodborne, not enough of its own original spin.
>Let's Go Back to Those Peaceful Days
Standard Amesame angst but somehow the most chuuba ficish fic so far. I like it, even if this is rather standard fare for the ship.
>The Last September
Man... I know it's kind of the point to use roommate-san names here but using actual people names just makes this uncomfortable from a fic reader pov. On some artitstic level I kind of get that being the point but still, I dislike the use of it.
>Black and Wright
Unconventional, and honestly not good outside of the gimmick (which isn't even fully comitted to given that it doesn't try and do full rhyme). Like it's a fun fic don't get me wrong but there''s not much to it outside of that.
>The Midnight Sea
Another anon mentioned how 'stuffy' the prose felt and I have to agree. The dream sequence felt like it should have been a rapidfire skim through the consciousness but instead it felt like it was getting dragged through the water. Even after that it kind of feels like it could have all gone through an editing pass to cut down words and make the prose flow better.
I still like despite that, even if the gags in the latter half aren't as smooth flowing due to the prose.
>Stinky and the Brain
Gigi talking this smart feels weird.
I disliked the central gimmick of absolute buffoon talks without a 'straight man' to counterbalance.

>>88632243
I'm jobless

>>68890485
>how can I do a "gut punch" betrayal though?
There are two directions you can go in, a sudden betrayal and a built up betrayal.
For the sudden betrayal route you effectively use the comedy to distract the reader and make them think it's not coming then bam! Gut punch betrayal that pivots the rest of the chapter to drama. You're going to go for shock and awe here so make it hurt, and don't let it up till the scene breaks.
Meanwhile with a built up betrayal you use dramatic irony. The audience knows it's coming, but the viewpoint character doesn't. Comedy used here should have that undercurrent asking when the anvil will drop. So in effect the entire chapter will be build up to one huge hit, with the context from preceding chapter adding to the punch. Basically this would be the type of twist you build an entire chapter/arc around then hit when it hurts.

>>49399969
>cute
>EN

>>47789385
>only two of the melons are breathing
Not comfy.