/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>26767177
Alright, finally got around to reading your latest work. I see you took some of the advice from last time to heart. The conversations are already feeling a lot less stiff, especially in the main story. You're overusing caps a bit too much imo. The first time it shows up it works well since it's sudden and emphasizes Magnus's anger, but after that it's a little bit of an eyesore. Exclamation marks are good enough.
Regarding the Secret Histories, the formatting here is a bit weird. I can see what you were going for with the italicized actions, but it's better to just write things out normally, like you did for the main chapter. At the very least if you're going to stick with this format, stick quotation marks back in there to separate dialogue from action, like you did in the last few paragraphs. It looks kind of gross from a reader perspective when it's all just one big jumble of words like the early paragraphs. Did you perhaps just forget to edit?
Anyways, I think you have the gist of it now, it's mostly just going to be a matter of practice from here on out. Complex, multi-faceted characters are still a ways off as of yet, but you're already doing better at making your characters feel like actual characters and not pieces on a board.

>>26771473
I don't know much about the girls' lore so I can't speak on their relative powerlevels, but Vox is definitely not "up there." Canonically he's stronger than regular humans, but he also lost in hand-to-hand combat against Fulgur. Most of his power isn't physical, but rather comes from his hypnotizing voice. That being said I don't think any of this is relevant anyhow since we're not writing about chuubas. We're writing about their fanbases. Even when it comes to the chuubas, their in-universe lore isn't going to line up with their actual real lore 100% since it would make international worldbuilding really weird.