/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>39055233
>>39055507
It was adorably ESL but don't be embarrassed, Anon. As for actually constructive criticism, you should spend more time on the transformation, that's the main point and, presumably, what people are reading for so you have to make it count. Instead of just saying he is panicking, you can show how. Tell the reader what he is thinking, or how he is grabbing at the parts of himself that are transforming. Slow the pace down, basically, let the tension of the situation build.
As a side note, you went out of your way to note that Flare has a bad reputation in the neighborhood and does bad shit to kids, so it doesn't make sense at all that the kid would just walk in entirely unphased. Better to leave any sort of pretenses like that out so the horror or horny of the transformation can be taken in fresh by the audience as well as the main character at the same time. Overall, pretty decent as far as TG captions go.
As a third thing, don't go to /wg/, it's awful.