/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>Hey dude, what's up. Sorry to call you out of the blue but I saw your instagram story and my blood ran cold, so I had to-
>No man, no, it's not about that monster-coffee combination, it's about the girl you posted, that's Matsuri. Now, don't take this the wrong way man, I'm not jealous or anything, it's not about her being my ex- I mean, it kinda is, I'm here to warn you.
>That woman, dude, that woman is dangerous with a capital fucking D. The clingy stuff is cute at first but it gets draining real fast, and she's gonna call you at 3 am, asking if you're still in love with her, crying, threatening to cut herself, it's a whole thing man.
>Now, I have no right to poke into your personal life, but tell me, have you two fucked?
>Dude, just answer the question.
>No? Oh good, oh thank GOD!
>Listen man, that woman's a freak. And I don't mean it in the Luna way where she wants to test her new latex suit and whip, or the Mio way where she'll pounce you because you don't want to fuck her because she's pregnant, or the Chloe way where she'll fuck other people and send you the video, or even the Watame way where she'll mindbreak women into having your children,
>No dude, I mean, she's an actual fucking demon. Like she makes Choco look like a teddy bear. The piss stuff? That's a rite of passage. I passed it. I let that woman piss on my bed, on my face, and now I feel dirt hiding under my skin, but that's jus the tip of the iceberg.
>I know she's tempting, and her body's crazy hot, and I'll admit, the sex? It's fucking fantastic. Like, the first time she came over she sucked my dick like she owed me twenty bucks. She quite literally took my dick in her mouth and folded it into a balloon poodle with her tongue and teeth, and then unfolded it just so I could cum.
>Jesus man, I though she was about to swallow my testicles and regurgitate them while they were still attached to me.
>She's into leashing. Yeah, that collar you found, it wasn't my dogs. I don't even have a dog. It was for her.
>And it's not just that she likes it when you pull her hair or the leash, oh no, she wants to be fucking get walked in all fours. Sometimes, naked. Sometimes, in public.
>I brought that bitch to my yard, and she was breathing like crazy, tongue out, shaking her bottom, the whole works, hell, she even bought a doggy house and told me to leash her there and fuck her. Then, she took a shit in my yard. A full sized human shit.
>Now, I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there's some evil fucking juju that runs in her veins. When she hugs me, I feel as if she's raping my childhood memories.
>I'm not gonna lie dude, I'm terrified of that woman, but that's also why she's so fucking attractive. I think I got a fetish for cumming on razor blade scars, but I don't care how tempting it is, dude, DO NOT STICK YOUR FUCKING DICK IN HER!
>That pussy has more mileage than a redneck's chevy, every time I pulled out and I saw my dick I discovered a new color, which meant I got to name a STI or an STD or even a mutation. My dick now has TWO heads dude, it's super hard to piss because of it.
>So yeah man, please, please don't go out with her. I need you to understand, I need you to think with your head, not your 'head'.
>Oh, by the way, are you hopping on Rocket League? Nice, Oga's in the lobby already.