/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>50505269
This sounds like it would have been a genericish battle harem story with chuubas but I think I would have read it if it was a real fic... and had good (or at least tolerable) prose of course.

Rolled a random story and got
>Your Endless Summer With Sora
I remember liking this story when I read it in the thread it got posted in, but man, the prose reads really weird. I can't tell if it's because I'm in editor mode right now but the 'tell' sentences for how you are feel or think in this just feels weirdly wrong.
If i had to take a guess it's because the story feels 'closer' compared to girl of emptiness where in that fic the 'distance' the prose gives to the reader works super fucking well at establishing a subtle wrongness with the world. Meanwhile in this fic, where the story is reliant on your 'closeness' with Sora, the distant telling of what you say just doesn't work as well.
It does eventually gets into a good 'rythm' but the initial dip into it is rough if you're not ready for a different style of 2nd person fic. It sort of works in this fic but to use an analogy, it's like a human body where 99% of it's there... but for some reason it doesn't have skin. Which exaserbates any flaws you can see while making the entire thing feel kind of weird.
Unironically this feels like a fic where it would have been very well regarded if it was written more conventionally rather than in this 'telling' style of 2nd person. Because this fic is actually really good outside of that, it's just hamstrung by the fact that the style that worked for Girl of Emptiness does not work for this story's plot.