/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

sorry for letting out schizo and being incoherent
i miss mehlo
every time i find something i really enjoy in life it disappears
i try not to get attached to things anymore but it keeps happening
mehlo was really the perfect oshi for me
cute voice
pipkin about cute things and willing to talk about them
streams go into really fun and unexpected directions cause she has a random idea
really trying to be a good idol
adorable princessy design
lots of floof
does lots of small cute things(floaties)
not sure how to explain it but she was just everything i wanted
she gave me something to really look forwards to as i really didnt have any motivation to exist before past one day i could find something i like

ive been loosing focus alot lately, kinda drift off alot when not doing something im really interested in doing
been really tired even though im sleeping far more then i should
also getting injured alot without noticing
feeling like i didnt do enough even though i know i did plenty
health has also been doing rather poorly last bit to the point i cant hide all of it
trying to be happy but slowly going back to being in a constant state of "i do existence"
i keep worrying about when she comes back it wont be the same or i wont find her again
worried about what happend to mehlo behind the sences and whether all those times i stopped myself from messaging her i should have
just things like i hope your having a good day and if there is anything you need im willing to help
been trying to keep my mind off things but cant keep my mind under control and fully away from doomering
kinda just had everything hit me today as im kinda just stuck in my chair due to poor decisions
just sitting here allowing my brain to go far longer then it should
been going back into regular schizo alot more lately as it keeps me barely going
if i wasnt forced awake everyday i would probably sleep even more then i currently am

rat has been a good distraction and ember has been pretty interesting but hasnt really been enough to keep my mind off things
tried touching grass a few times but that has only really caused me further problems
tried few other things but it hasnt really made me happy
been trying to watch vods to be happy but every time i do i just get sad
i hope to find her as soon as she debuts again but i will probably miss that by a good bit as im pretty blind to finding things and detached from social media past here and 5 discords
i barely talk to people irl outside my own household but even then its probably barely double digit sentences a day
she really was a positive influence on my life and i hope she comes back soon
ill try to keep being positive for mehlo but im tired and just want to sleep

if i dont pop up for a bit im just dealing with life, will try to continue nightly mehlos but i may miss a few days coming up

sorry for word soup and schizo, just felt like yelling into the void here a bit probably should do it else where next time with all the other schizo things happening here recently

>>45622424
missed mehlo stream D: