/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

I love my adorable eldritch goop wife

the first, and most important part of this, is that i want to thank you for all of the love, kindness, patience and support that you have given me. it is safe, and Not an overestimation, for me to say that i would not be here right NOWw if it were not for you.

i know this comes as a shock, but i am struggling, and i think i am at my breaking point. i have pushed through, had good days among the bad, but for a while NOW i have been pushing through a very bad mental state. i suffer from bipolar schizo- affective disorder, which creates waves of depression and mania, that in turn can trigger pretty bad delusions, hallucinations, and otherwise bad problems. my medication manages this pretty well, and together with techniques i learned in therapy i can function pretty well. the current depressive wave i'm going through has lasted over a month NOW (which is quite normal) but doesn't seem to be passing, but rather getting worse and worse. i am spending most of the time i am Not streaming in bed. i have not been taking care of myself, my eating disorder has flared up and is consuming what little energy i have left, and i've been flipping between NOT sleeping and sleeping for many hours straight. i often deal with minor visual hallucinations but they are getting much worse, and i have been struggling with auditory ones too which do not usually happen to me very often.

periods like this are not at all new to me, and usually i simply push through. streaming and spending time with you usually helps, or at least distracts me enough for a little while that i can force through another day. but lately it seems that i am Not even capable of this much, any minor INCONVENIENCE or anything bad that happens sends me into a breakdown and this is sending me even further into my depression. i've had some internet issues which would not usually upset me so badly but my current mental state has led to this utterly destroying any level of everyday functioning i had left. i No longer think i am capable of streaming in my current state.

my family takes good care of me, and have been worried for weeks Now, but it has reached the point where i am reaching points that have led to institutionali- sation before and this is the opposite of what i want. i have to get better, for me, for them, and also for you. i adore streaming, i am so, so lucky to have you,

and the reason i have pushed through for so long is because i don't want to

be away from each other, or give you any less than what you deserve. but i

Understand NOW that at the moment if i CONTINUE ON this way i might not be

able to ever return to you.
i'm not sure how long this break will be. schizoaffective episodes can last for weeks or for months. i will ride this out, rest up, and if i CONTINUE to get worse i may require hospitalisation, but i hope this is not the case as most of my stays have been 2-4 months or longer. i want to get myself back into a better mental place, and depending on how long this takes, i may then try to prepare some things for you off stream so that when i come back, we can have a lot of excitement to share and look forward to.

i feel so incredibly guilty for letting things reach this point. i am a weak and pathetic person and i wish more than anything that i could just CONTINUE smiling with you, but i cried for hours last night and the night before and i am genuinely falling into the worst state of disrepair i've been in for so long. i am so sorry, and i understand if you cannot forgive me for taking this time away, and i will Not hold it against you if you decide to leave NOW forever. i know i am a lot to deal with, and every single one of you deserves better than what i can give to you, especially right now.

i know this message is long winded and in the most dreaded format, but i think it is necessary for you to understand, and i owe this to you at least when i am failing in every other way.

i will be back with you as soon as i can be, and we will have fun, if you will let me, and we will have many happy times, for as long as we can.

i will miss you every day. but i will keep fighting for the bright future we will have!

thank you so much

your shadow

How much you wanna bet that Shadow has a major B12 and iron deficiency like virtually all vegans do? Some multivitamins have a poor absorption rate, to "do veganism right" blood tests are mandatory. I know she's a vegetarian not a vegan.

I love my wife!

>>53116562
>>53116423
>>53116397
>>53116907
Did none of (You) realize that she has at most 10 more years? She's aware of this fact, she lives for her family and (You). Obviously wifey also has intrusive suicidal thoughts regularly hence the yolo just kill me mentality.

>>52043904
Same. I don't even want to hurt her today, lets hope that she doesn't bratbaits me.

Wifey is live right now and will play Dark Souls 3 soon.

Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/fallenshadow
VODs: https://www.youtube.com/@fallenshadowtwitch
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@fallenshadow
Twitter: https://twitter.com/fallenshadow_YT
Merch: https://ko-fi.com/Z8Z07FFQ1/shop

Previous thread: >>46409387

>>33174797
restarting internet

Builds entire brand pandering and catering to lonely schizo actual **dophile fantasies.

>Forgets to cover tracks.

Are all women this stupid or just indy Chubbas?

Shondo ryona
https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/100498417