/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>7176216
It's clear you've put an absolute fuck tonne of work into this and the prose is great, so well done to you. I also like the illustrations you used too.

As for criticism, I feel it better if I gave suggestions to you instead. Firstly as >>7179016 mentioned, some content editing could make it more palatable. Something as simple as adding the chapter drop down bar would be great. To be honest I'm even hesitant suggesting this because the story is pretty tight to begin with despite the word count.

Secondly, and this is just my opinion, I think during the intensely intimate scenes between Ame and Gura they would vocalize what they're feeling to a larger extent. Basically I like the dialogue a lot in this and would like to see what they're thinking or feeling as much as possible.

Lastly it reads like a femanon wrote this which is perfect for a F/F story, so whatever you do keep that feminine writing style up! Best of luck to you and I look forward to the completed project.

>>7179777
HOT