/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

It's been a year since you had married your true love and best friend in the whole world (she made you pinkie promise), Polka. Today was your anniversary, if you were right. You picked up the date on the monitor during her last stream. Sinking back into the comfortable chair she chained you to, your mind drifts away as you wait in silence for her to come to you once again. Maybe you'll beg again. Maybe you'll just lie there limply. Your muscles to continue to atrophy in this situation, anyway. It's not like you'll have a choice soon. Your thoughts drift further as you begin to reminisce.

You knew from the moment you met Polka that there was something behind the facade of cheerfulness she portrayed. It was there in small movements in her face, twitches at the edge of her smile, or slight winces when she was trying to tell a joke she was anxious about. The girl was a bundle of nerves trying her absolute hardest to be liked and well-received, and something about that resonated with you. It was familiar, you suppose. As things gradually developed with Polka, one night she finally broke down and confessed her laundry list of insecurities and anxieties. You were at the center of them all. Not a cause, but someone she was most afraid to lose. You held her close to you as she sobbed into your shoulder, idly stroking her back as you assured her that you'd never leave her. That you loved her, and that all you wanted for her was the best. That you'd do everything you could within your power to help her through her issues. That you'd be with her every step of the way. The two of you were married not soon after that. You meant every word, then. You still do. But Polka can't see that clearly anymore, only in brief glimpses of lucidity that quickly fade as she realizes what she's done to you. Her fears blind her, and her guilt keeps her afraid.

The first few months of life with Polka was difficult, but blissful. She struggled with even the most basic of daily tasks such as waking up. She showered infrequently, suffered from a dense brain fog, and had trouble making decisions that lead to action, such as cleaning her room. It hurt to see your wife so depressed. So...vulnerable. But you didn't give up. Slowly, together, you worked with her to try and improve her condition. Her sleep schedule began to look better. She was taking better care of herself. She even finally conceded with your own worries and began to look for a therapist; a licensed professional who could do more for her than you ever could. She was doing better. She confided in you that she was finally starting to feel more and more genuine, lasting happiness. Things were looking up.

At least you thought they were.

It had been building up over time, you surmise, rather than all happen at once like you had initially thought. The climax of it was so explosive, it's not hard to tell why you got washed away in it, your perception of time seeming altered. Polka had always been insecure about you and other women. From her coworkers to people giving you standard pleasantries when you were out together, something about it hurt her. It went deeper than jealousy...more an intrinsic, deep-seated fear that whoever it was deserved you more than she did. That they were better than her in every way and that she was holding you back from someone who could blow her out of the water thrice over. No matter how many times you addressed her concerns as ridiculous and that you were completely happy with her, it never really stuck. She was convinced that at some point, something would happen that would involve you leaving her, or just getting tired with her flat out. You never said anything, but this grated on you. You felt like you were doing something...well, wrong. No matter what you did, it wouldn't abate those feelings she had. You felt guilty.

"I...don't know what I'd do without you!" She sobbed bitterly. Another breakdown, this time after Botan had the audacity to smile at you, triggering the fears Polka had been struggling to contain once more. "I-I feel like...my heart would just stop...it hurts so bad to just imagine it, that if it ever happened..."

Such outbursts weren't uncommon. But it really should've served as a warning for what was to come. Maybe if you had been more perceptive, more...aware of the situation you were in, the problem you were actually dealing with. If you had focused less on Polka's sadness and more on Polka's fear. If only you hadn't nodded off like an idiot.