/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

Bump limit confession:
Sometimes I get incredibly jealous of my oshi's Japanese female fans. Why the Japanese ones in specific? Because they live in the same country and speak the same language as him. They're also very feminine and know how to properly take care of themselves. When I'm deep in my delusions nothing hurts me more than knowing any of those girls have higher chances of meeting him in person than I'll ever have, and how picking literally any of them over me is a no brainer. I'm very aware that spending more money on your oshi doesn't mean he will recirpocate but I can't help looking at posts like pic related and feeling a horrible pang of jealousy, what with how insanely dedicated his JP gachis are, the cute outfits they can afford, and how they're on the same soil as him. At times I cope by thinking that, deep in his heart, he may find those kind of fans a little overbearing and flashy, though again that's a pathetic way of coping. It sucks because my brain is constantly going back and forth between "you have to be ready for whenever he announces his relationship after graduation one day" and "my chances of dating him in the future are very low, but not zero" like the deluded schizo I am. To this day I'm still waiting for my feelings to eventually fade away and yet it's been over two years since I fell in love with him.