/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>78011419
It's been a while but whatever. A lot of things happened in these months and a lot of stuff changed yet again. Things are moving really fast and I feel I don't have enough time to write down my thoughts, be it in a succinct and former way or an overly redundant mess of a word blob. Actually, never mind, remove the writedown part, I don't feel the strength to sort my own thoughts, I feel like a train has just departed at full speed without knowing if I'm riding it or I'm still at the station. I thought of this as an Arcadia, as a Hyperborea of the soul, breathing in salt water and air with people I don't know but share an undying passion over something essential to me, what does that make those people to me? Are you an egregore or a servitor? I don't know. I don't even know why I'm writing this and this may sound flighty, petty, and maybe self-deprecating. But I left those thoughts simmering in my brain for too much time and I have nowhere to vent, I want to stop feeling like a rolling stone gathering no moss in a place dear to me. I know she has to act like that, I came to terms with that at the start of this year, but the slew of her saying it, with her own mouth, during the past and this whole month, the indecisiveness, and the reluctance in the way she utters those draconian words really hurts. Rationally I know it wasn't a cry for help, a smooth deceit to make us hear her plight, it wasn't even a full open flank in the truest sense of the word. Just her asserting what everyone knows, the murky and cruel implications a manifest truth holds are really dangerous. I thought she learned to carry those chains without a constant cognitive dissonance causing turmoil inside her soul, but hearing her speaking about unbreakable habits (rituals) and the subsequent acceptance of stagnation in such a sad voice, being content in a perpetual paradox of having a choice is too much to bear. Usually offering her flank results in some nice titillation, but this time was different, as I said it didn't feel like she was breaking any barrier between her and her audience, I do believe her Offkai take was not PR driven, she was always a nonsectarian type of character, trying her to be some sort of spokesman for certain groups is just not gonna work, no matter how many times people try to do that. What I believe was a PR speech was the one about responsibilities and not being able to be her true self. I loved Pippa for being an idol, for being someone I could look up to when I tried to improve my life, she was a small creator and I was a pitiful person, but her resilience showed me that maybe one step at a time I could improve too. I was unable to keep up with her, it all went too fast but ultimately my negligence is to blame. Despite that one thing didn't change, I still love Pippa for showing me that light even if for a short period, and I still want to see the end of it all. But, please don't lose yourself, don't be swallowed up and fooled by the illusion that you have to annihilate your uniqueness to please those around you. The contrast between those two aspects coexisting inside one person is what makes you still so beautiful.