/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

sex with my cute wife
No boy will ever get an outfit as sexy as Scarle. Fucking hell.

Hello. If the Melisende author is around, just wanted to let you know I'm finally getting around to writing that feedback I promised I'd give you...an entire month ago, holy fuck. This is going to take a bit since your story is long as hell, but while I go write up the critique on your actual writing, I just thought I'd let you know you have a formatting issue. Dialogue that is part of a sentence should be treated as…well, part of the sentence. It should be separated from the dialogue tag with a comma, not a period. Example:
>"The higher-ups told us off. Said they had it dealt with." He mumbled
should actually be
>”The higher-ups told us off. Said they had it dealt with,” he mumbled
Even when the dialogue ends in a question or exclamation mark, the dialogue tag that follows should still be in lower case, unless it’s a proper noun and would’ve been capitalized anyway.
>"Won't be constabulary be after the case?" She asked
should be
>"Won't be constabulary be after the case?" she asked
This was really distracting, since it interrupts the flow of the text. The piece otherwise being quite well-formatted made it stand out a lot too. You also have a lot of typos, tense switching from past to present and weird grammar mistakes littered around which, again, stand out more in your work than they would in a less well-written piece. Make sure you proofread these before posting. But if you already do then eh, whatever, it happens. Lord knows my posts sometimes look like they’re written in code, with the amount of typos that wind up in them. Anyways, off I go to write that review.

Also if anyone needed me for anything feel free to give me a shout, I have not done my thread reps.

wife LOVE!