/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

I will never have sex
I am a pathetic virgin who doesn't understand how to connect with people
I engage in lifting and have the audacity to call it my hobby knowing full well I secretly hope at some point in the future I can declare myself fit and I will also magically become social because this is a fantasy born of the desperation I feel when I hear everyone around me involved in systems I will never understand engaging in the consummation of love that I disdain as slutty because I’m afraid if I can't find a reason to dismiss rampant sexuality I won't have any grounds to lie to myself and say that my involuntary abstinence is in some twisted mangled way a good thing in the end I believe that proceeding down the path of arbitrary engagement will lead to some form of rehabilitation where I slowly overcome my social anxiety but the truth is I choose not to improve for fear that my already existing inability to communicate should not be exposed, and this creates a feedback loop where I find myself unable to involve myself in other people's lives for the very reason I’m insecure in the first place
In the end I am the culmination of the biological desires for a human being to form a family unit and the hardwired drive for sexual gratification mixing with a cultural obsession with pure true love and ultimate selfless devotion to another human being fuelled by an obsession with anime as an outlet for the emotional variety I don't experience in real life
I am a failed human being
I am a failed psyche
This is my fault