/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>59781327
Balsa Chapter 26: The Birth of Venus

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTHxyBh_mCgDk6FB1NaX-KO1ZM3JV2tgmDuHANAPlWblBmhNC89VylV4ondlrQRMlsizKeEpvAcwfYD/pub

tags: Anon, Mel, Ciyana, multiple chuubas, fantasy

time for the moment we've all been waiting for. Hope you enjoy.

>>56469988
>I felt like I was getting unpleasant whiplash from this chapter.

Damn, I was worried about it'd read like that. I was hoping that rapid scene changes wouldn't feel to cluttered but it seems not. Luckily though, it was going to be for that chapter only.

When I think back on it, what I should've done is put them in pairs instead to keep it from feeling to rapidly shifting.

>I think your characterizations are also starting to get at odds with themselves.

That's interesting that that came across that way because I wasn't going for that. I can sorta see why though, given that I made them in the start to be very stoic. Good to know though, I'll try to pull back the emotion a bit to keep it more balanced.

Thank you for the critique as always.

>>56462679
What >>56467102 said

but in the story she's an imprisoned goddess and the main antagonist. Definitely don't start reading at this point, we're in the last 15-10% of the book before the climax. It'll be way to confusing to jump in right now with no context.

>>54643056
Balsa, Chapter 18

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vR8kcoH3PSucgyod3jsV6YDoAWJ-mbmQ6CSNH4T6MhugOEkrxIkCJ-dIg2b7wpLXCAcuIzs1HOH5Sj7/pub

tags: (you), Ciyana, Iroha, Mel, Civia, medieval fantasy

I tried to explain a lot more in this chapter so be sure to tell me if it was too much. I tried to convey it in a more interesting manner than simple conversation but that'll be up to you to decide. Do tell me how I did.