/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

Miosha has stream replay on...

>>79991909
Do you mean stop as in there's too many? Or stop because older ones haven't gotten in yet?

>>75245783
I don't know man. This reads really rough. There's details in here that either don't need to be there, or can be conveyed in a more fun way. Why did the drink make him grimace? Is it an alcoholic drink? Does it just taste like shit? The title of the drink also doesn't need to be conveyed again after the first time. It can just be "her drink".
>I have tomorrow...technically later off
Get rid of the "later" there.

>>71739477
Alcohol involved where? Huh?
If Reine online and offline are pretty much the same, you should emphasize the subtle differences there actually are that only the MC gets to experience. You're trying to cook a dish that shows how their relationship is special and that this isn't just picking up or flirting with some new stranger.
Again I think you're letting a strange shitposting hivemind muddle with your characterizations and world building. Your average viewer who just cares about their oshi isn't gonna get rabid off them remarking that they're spending time with their family. Don't paint a world like that if it won't actually impact the story. Now if you wanted it to possibly get leaked somehow that Reine was fucking a man and that her reputation could possibly tank, that would be a tasty bit of drama if handled correctly. It could be something fiendish like one of her family members somehow getting a vid of her getting plowed and threaten to release it if their demands aren't met. Her being bi is fine, but you gotta express that clearly. Like I've dated a few bi women before, and there's a few nuances that should be conveyed. If her biological clock is ticking, that's a major factor that needs its due attention.

>>70899397

>>66801599
So this time the flashback scene worked a little more nicely, but it reads a little flat. Like the shift from talking about how her changed biology is negatively impacting her, to how her own gift is uncontrollable and threatening to herself was a little too radical. There was not a lot of build up to what could be interesting magical experimentation, and it just kinda abruptly ends. I suppose it offers a good contrast for how she eventually gains practiced control over it enough to help with a rather creative solution in the next scene.
For the meat of this plotline itself, I feel like it was anticlimactic. The sudden removal of one of its primary antagonistic actors kinda robs the story of that awaited confrontation. I can't help but feel like there might have been another part of two for this, since we go from an initial faceoff, to kinda putting the pieces together almost from nothing. The "solution" is also pretty jarring from what we've seen from the characters so far, and feels like using dynamite to pull a nail from a board. Sorry if this feels harsh, but seeing the second team's plotline come to such a swift ending kinda took the payoff away from it.
Some suggestions around the prose itself, try not to use a phrase like "5 AM" to describe the early morning. The exact position on the sun dial is a little less important in a fantasy driven world than the color and shifting hues of the skyline. Your world wants to be mystical and pretty, even in times where bleakness and uncertainty slowly spread within it. Let yourself make it pretty.
Scene descriptors had a little more effort put into them like you set out for, so nice going there.
I'll be curious what becomes of the dogs at some point, though it's probably not a happy end.

>>56526516
What kinda hag love are you looking for specifically? Is there a certain hag who strikes your fancy? A setting? fetish?

>>55416678
Have I actually written 5 novels so far? That's kinda wild to think about. I never really considered what the average word count of a typical book is. I did read a fair amount starting in high school when I discovered I actually liked fantasy stuff, but I never really paid attention to how many pages or chapters they were. Also thanks for the compliment!
>>55416036
I'm still not 100% on how the peko/anon relationship will evolve to that within her intro arc, but the instincts kicking in will be a good way to make them rock some bed frames while pekomama is still nearby to have fun with it too.
>>55416841
Now you have me wanting to make shitpost scenes. Esto es fin La Grande Hagdra.

What is with the Shiori spam on the catalog? Did I miss something last night?

>>54283254
What about it wasn't going the way you wanted if you don't mind me asking?