/vr/ - Retro Games

[Anonymous No.5676510]

Can we all agree this is the shittiest Zelda? I don't think I've ever seen a more incompetent character in all of video games. Let's go through a list of her fuck-ups.

1. Throws her all powerful ocarina to a random kid she barely knows just "hoping" he will be a good enough person to save the entire world, a huge gamble.

2. Goes into hiding for 7 years and the moment she reveals her true self is instantly captured like a helpless loser. She it totally incapable of even defending herself against the most basic shit. What was she doing that 7 years? Clearly not training or in any way trying to improve herself. Nope, just sitting around waiting for Link to return to fix her mistakes.

3. Giving Link the ocarina at all lead to events that let Ganon invade and claim ownership of the Triforce of Power. Never would've happened if she hadn't done #1 to begin with. Basically she doomed her entire kingdom for thousands of years to come and is directly responsible for Ganon's rise to power. Should've just smashed the damn ocarina so no one could get the Triforce, Hyrule would've been a lot safer that way.

4. Thanks to Nintendo's timeline bullshit it is now canon she is directly responsible for getting Link killed when Ganon kicks his ass and further damns Hyrule to such a degree the goddesses have to intervene and flood the entire world, killing millions in the process, just as a latch ditch effort to "save" it. All because, again, of #1.

5. Due to the combination of all of the above she doomed future Links and Zeldas for generations to come the obligation to clean up all the chaos she ended up causing. Again, she did nothing herself to fix it but left it up to others. No responsibility or remorse here at all. Literally every problem in the series can be traced back to her.

The real villain of the entire series is OoT Zelda because of how grossly incompetent she is.

[Anonymous No.5676515]

>>5676510
But she cute

[Anonymous No.5676517]

yea but she cute

[Anonymous No.5676552]

>>5676510
>Throws her all powerful ocarina to a random kid she barely knows just "hoping" he will be a good enough person to save the entire world, a huge gamble.
she knew he was the hero of time you fucking retard
stopped reading there

[Anonymous No.5676564]

>>5676552
Not yet he wasn't. He was still just some random kid and Ganon showed up 10 seconds later. He could've killed him there on the spot if he wanted and took the ocarina (should have, but it worked out for him anyway). Point is trusting a 7 year old to save the world is a dumb thing to do when the slightest thing could kill him. He's not some battle hardened warrior yet.

[Anonymous No.5676582]

>>5676564
>Not yet he wasn't.
he was always going to be. it's pretty obvious the idea is that zelda intrinsically knew that because muh triforce

[Anonymous No.5676616]

>>5676515
She looks like 5 year old with tits. (every man's secret fantasy)

[Anonymous No.5676621]

>>5676510
Woman = chaos, Man = order

[Anonymous No.5676624]

>>5676616

[Anonymous No.5676625]

Where the fuck was Gannon when you get the master sword? I walked backwards through the Temple of Time and didnt see shit and suddently that asshole *teleports behind u*

[Anonymous No.5676626]

>>5676624
You know it to be true.

[Anonymous No.5676637]

>>5676616
My secret fantasy is an 18-year old girl with a dick.

[Anonymous No.5677329]

>>5676625
literally inside the temple of light which presumably is like a metaphysical plane anyway.
he immediately gained access through some time flow quantum leap bullshit that happened when you pulled the sword out of the stone and he could get there because he has the triforce piece of power.

[Anonymous No.5677332]

>>5676510
No, you just don't have an attention span.

[Anonymous No.5677357]

Quit the oot spam theres already a oot thread to whine in

[Anonymous No.5677367]

>>5676637

[Anonymous No.5677372]

>>5676624
It's okay to be gay anon

[Anonymous No.5677379]

>>5677367
that's from a yugioh card

[Anonymous No.5677385]

>>5676637
>>5677372
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHbM-pwnLK4

[Anonymous No.5677420]

>>5676621
most women are more risk averse than men and total control freaks though

[Anonymous No.5677529]

>>5676515
Would fuck

[Anonymous No.5677737]

>>5677329
Ganon didn't have the Triforce of Power yet. He just followed Link through the open portal.

[Anonymous No.5677750]

>>5676510
>4. Thanks to Nintendo's timeline bullshit it is now canon she is directly responsible for getting Link killed when Ganon kicks his ass and further damns Hyrule to such a degree the goddesses have to intervene and flood the entire world, killing millions in the process, just as a latch ditch effort to "save" it. All because, again, of #1.

You're mixing timelines here. By creating the split timeline, she doomed the Adult Timeline (her Hyrule) by completely removing the "Spirit of the Hero" from it. In the Decline Timeline, Ganondorf defeats Link and obtains the full Triforce, at which point Nintendo's writing cohesion and logic utterly vanishes for a nonsensical segue into ALttP's backstory. Seriously, If Ganon has the full Triforce, that means Zelda is dead too, and Ganon made his wish on the "True Force" in the Light World, so nothing could screw him out of completely ruling everything forever. Also, there is no army to face him, as Ganondorf already killed everyone when he first conquered Hyrule.

For the Decline Timeline to even exist, literally everyone was lying to Link and portraying a false picture of reality because they were such cunts they wanted a child to go through hell and be a one-man army as the first resort instead of the last resort. They didn't even care if that meant Ganon could scar Hyrule for seven years and kill tons of people. It ruins any reason to ever care about Hyrule and to want to save these slothful, arrogant, horrid people.

[Anonymous No.5678071]

>>5677737
that's right.
I actually thought that detail wasn't right after posting.

[Anonymous No.5678095]

>>5676510
No.
1. It's quite obvious that Zelda and the sages knew that Link was the hero of time.
2. She's a princess. Not a warrior. The fact that she was even able to remain in hiding for 7 years is pretty incredible.
3. Ganon would have likely conquered Hyrule even without the trifoce of power.
4. No arguments with this point really. Nintendo trying to claim that every Zelda game has a connected timelime was a serious mistake. Each game should have been treated as a standalone story.
5. I think my answers to 3 and 4 cover it pretty well.

[Anonymous No.5678139]

The less Ganon appears in a game the better.

[Anonymous No.5678156]

>>5676510
>>5677750
>Thanks to Nintendo's timeline bullshit it is now canon she is directly responsible for getting Link killed when Ganon kicks his ass and further damns Hyrule to such a degree the goddesses have to intervene and flood the entire world, killing millions in the process, just as a latch ditch effort to "save" it.

honestly it was a mistake to give a canon chronology or at the very least the way they did it.

the whole idea of a "fail" timeline is just stupid.

[Anonymous No.5678168]

>>5678156
It made sense until the Decline Timeline. That was a sheer asspull with no logic behind it, and the explanation for why Ganon didn't rule the world forever was even worse than him arbitrarily defeating Link. You could make a split off of literally anything, and it portrays Hyrule as a bunch of abhorrent assholes never worth saving, thereby killing the entire series.

[Anonymous No.5678224]

>>5676510
>tells you ganondorf is evil even though he never once does anything bad on screen
>game is about killing an innocent because some 7 year old girl told you to

[Anonymous No.5678227]

>>5678224
Yeah but the Deku Tree and the other dudes tell you that too.

[Anonymous No.5678230]

>>5678224
>big nosed circle hat wearing (((advisor))) to the king
>7 short years later the entire nation is ruined
Nintendo is based and redtentpilled.

[Anonymous No.5678231]

Zelda with Pokemon in place of humanoids when?

[Anonymous No.5678236]

>>5676510
Anon, she's a child.

[Anonymous No.5678247]

>>5678231
>>>/deviantart/

[Anonymous No.5678974]

I don't understand the "need" for a Zelda timeline. The stories are mostly repeat garbage anyway. Great games, but nothing more than "visit the 8 dungeons to gather the whatever-the-fucks and save the princess". It has been that way since the start and every game follows the same formula. It is not the pinnacle of literature there. There was nothing wrong with having 1 or 2 games be connected, and just saying other games are completely different universes.

[Anonymous No.5679007]

>>5676510
This is the most autistic thing I have ever read.

[Anonymous No.5679015]

>Best Zelda: Skyward Sword Zelda
Doing her own quest, interesting plot line showing she is having her own adventure entirely different, but in the same vein and just as important as Link's.

>Worst Zelda: BOTW Zelda
Fucking bitch, crying all the time, complaining, general downer the whole time. I genuinely cannot understand why people like her so much. She is so fucking exhausting in every cutscene.

[Anonymous No.5679016]

>>5678974
This. They're all good stories on their own, but they're trash when you try to assign an overarching story to the entire franchise.

[Anonymous No.5679037]

>>5679015
>Fucking bitch, crying all the time, complaining, general downer the whole time. I genuinely cannot understand why people like her so much. She is so fucking exhausting in every cutscene.

But she is cute, CUTE!

Did you not see how she has new short hair in the sequel?? ZOTYAY

[Anonymous No.5679094]

>>5676510
The worst offender is that she barely even thanks you after going through all that shit.
Felt like "yo lad nice saving the kingdom cya"

[Anonymous No.5679164]

>>5676564
Zelda can practically tell the future you fucking retard.

[Anonymous No.5679169]

>>5679094
She thanks him and then gives him the childhood he lost back. None of you retards played the game, huh

[Anonymous No.5679202]

>>5678156
>>5678168
To me, all the pre-OoT games and those directly connected to them (Oracles, ALBW) are considered to be their own separate series and not tied to OoT at all. It makes more sense than having to bullshit a "Link fails" scenario.

[Anonymous No.5679281]

>>5679169
What a shitty prize. Go from a handsome dude all the chicks want to fug back to a babby who can't even hold a bow and arrow. Should've kept him around as an adult and helped him rebuild Hyrule and fuck tons of chicks, that's a way better reward.

[Anonymous No.5679282]

>>5679281
Are you by chance younger than 18

[Anonymous No.5679290]

>>5679202
There never was a canon timeline Miyamoto had in mind when he created Zelda, he just made stuff up as he went along only thinking of what would make a fun game. But decades later autists ree'd and bitched and moaned they needed an "official" timeline so Nintendo pulled some shit out of its ass to appease them. When the creator himself didn't give enough of a shit to think one up I'd say headcanon is just as valid as Nintendo's.

To me it's:

OoT -> TP (maybe, not sure) -> LttP -> LA -> LoZ 1 & 2
These are the core and best Zeldas so nothing else really matters as far as I care.

WW and the DS ones, both Oracles, Minish Cap/4 Swords, each group are their own separate series unrelated to anything else. SS to me might as well not exist, never played it, probably never will. Never played Link Between Worlds either but would like to but a 3DS isn't worth the buy. Same with BotW right now and a Switch being a waste of money.

[Anonymous No.5679929]

>>5676510
have sex incel

[Anonymous No.5679986]

OoT was clearly written as a prequel to LttP with the "I'll be back for your descendants!" bit at the end. They retconned it with WWs flood intro, but who gives a fuck.

Any rate, spirit tracks zelda is best zelda.

[Anonymous No.5680131]

>>5679202
>"Link fails" was never scenario anyone thought with Zelda canon
>only comes after Aonuma, a man so bad at Zelda he stopped playing Zelda 1 due to Octoroks, gets in charge
Hmmmmmm

[Anonymous No.5680135]

You forgot to mention that she ruined link's life by sending him back in time

[Anonymous No.5680150]

>>5679986
Ocarina of Time changed so many things that it basically wasn't even a proper set-up for ALttP by the time the game was done.

[Anonymous No.5680156]

>>5679037
>This woman is absolutely fucking insufferable, but that doesn't matter because she's c-c-c-c-c-c-c-CUTE!!!

[Anonymous No.5680159]

>>5680150
>gets to have sex with Princess Ruto twice
>life ruined

[Anonymous No.5680187]

>>5680159

[Anonymous No.5680192]

>>5680156
The penis is the weakest part of man
A true sage is not a slave to his money nor his crotch

[Anonymous No.5680325]

Zelda timeline is so fucking dumb I can't believe people read up on it.

[Princess Sevenleaf !IT2uZpX.Ic No.5680341]

>>5676621

[Anonymous No.5680556]

>>5680131
>a man so bad at Zelda he stopped playing Zelda 1 due to Octoroks, gets in charge

Wait what? Story plz.

[Anonymous No.5680723]

>>5680556
Pretty sure what Aonuma really said was he visualized octoroks being really big monsters and that inspired a BotW enemy. Does sound kinda weird though.

[Anonymous No.5681089]

>>5680341
shut the fuck up you literal faggot

[Anonymous No.5681274]

>>5678974
this. Link would be an old fuck by now and I don't care about a Zelda version of MGS4.

[Anonymous No.5681313]

>>5680556
He got that story wrong. He's mixing two different interviews

https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2011-09-08-Aonuma-never-finished-legend-of-zelda

>"Every time I try to play it I end up getting 'Game Over' a few too many times and giving up partway through," he said. "Certainly after playing the original Zelda for the first time, I didn't ever think that I wanted to make a game like that."

[Anonymous No.5681617]

>>5681313
http://www.ign.com/articles/2004/03/26/gdc-2004-the-history-of-zelda?page=2

>My first encounter with Zelda occurred in 1988 shortly after I joined Nintendo. After studying design in college, I began work designing pixel characters. At the time, I didn't have much experience playing games, and I was particularly bad at playing games that required quick reflexes. So, immediately after I started playing the original Zelda, I failed to read the movements of the Octorock in the field and my game suddenly game to an end. Even after getting used to the controls, each time the screen rolled to a new area new Octorock appeared and I thought 'am I going to have to fight these things forever?' Eventually, I gave up getting any further in the game.

[Anonymous No.5681750]

>>5678974
You underestimate the power of autism

[Anonymous No.5681879]

>>5681313
>>5681617
>"I've never actually finished it," Aonuma explained to Game Informer. "I almost feel like there's still no game more difficult than it."

Jesus fucking christ is he literally retarded? Little kids beat this game. Octorocks have the most basic movement and the projectiles are easy to dodge. It's why they're the first enemies you encounter, because that are baby mode to defeat.

>For someone like me who enjoyed reading stories, these were games that allowed you to participate in the story and letting you experience the joy of seeing your own thoughts and actions affect the progression of the story. Plus, these games don't require fast reflexes and don't require traditional gaming skills. So, I thought that if I were going to make games, I would like to make this type of game.

No wonder SS was a movie game with barely any actual exploration or gameplay. Fucker just wants his games to play themselves. How the hell did he ever get put in charge of this series?

[Anonymous No.5681932]

>>5681879
Infamously, when he got his job at Nintendo, he asked his girlfriend "what's a Mario?"

[Anonymous No.5681971]

>>5681932
Wait, my mistake. He effectively asked "what's a video game?"
https://news.denfaminicogamer.jp/english/170609b/3

>Aonuma: Actually, I never played a game when I was young. When I landed a job in Nintendo, I asked my girlfriend at that time, “What is a TV game?” And she lent me DQ1.