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/vr/ - Retro Games

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5306901 No.5306901 [Reply] [Original] [archived.moe]

Why didn't you tell me about pic related deep lore. Also, post more

>> No.5306950
File: 575 KB, 640x640, IMG_4194.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

No matter how deep they try to bury the lore, it will still remain trite as it is centered around one of the dullest games of all time. Seriously, each episode following the boy "adventurer" and his pals from Hyrule as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the cartoonish imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of repetitive puzzles, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Nintendo vetoed the idea of a third party producing the games; Miyanoto made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody- just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for their annual "party games" and childish fighting franchise. The Zelda series might be anti-Sony (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-Spyro series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement.

>a-at least the platforming elements were good though


The writing is dreadful; the exploration was nonexistent. As I played, I noticed that every time Link went to "explore" a largely empty world, Nintendo shoehorned in some repetitive puzzles to pad out the game. I began marking on the back of a Nintendo Power magazine every time I came to the same rehashed box pushing/lever pulling puzzles. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Nintendo's team is so governed by cliches and milking tired franchises ad nauseum that they have no other style of development. Later I watched a lavish, loving Let's Play of The Ocarina of Time by some YouTube manchild. He said something to the effect of, "If these kids are playing Ocarina of Time at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to owning a Nintendo Switch." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you play The Ocarina of Time you are, in fact, trained to play the same dull Nintendo rehashes decade after decade.

>> No.5307071

Shit pasta tbqh, too long and not funny enough.

>> No.5307095

Mr. Legend of Zelda's worst transgressions are systematically whitewashed by the press. To counteract that whitewash I will use the remainder of my space here to expose Legend of Zelda for who he really is. The points I plan to make in this letter will sound tediously familiar to everyone who wants to champion the force of goodness against the greed of the most voluble schmendriks I've ever seen. Nevertheless, you might say, “His tower of dogmatism is fortified by schemes to topple society.” Fine, I agree. But he considers all of his foes to be lousy lunkheads—or worse. When describing them, Legend of Zelda lets some of the most frowsy, pea-brained, and whiney words I've ever heard pass through his lips, words that serve no purpose other than to bring home the point that if I had to choose the most dissolute specimen from Legend of Zelda's welter of vexatious gabble, it would have to be Legend of Zelda's claim that better governance can be achieved by granting profitable concessions, permits, waivers, zoning variances, monopolies, and other such political machinations to his gang.

>> No.5307121

>I began marking on the back of a Nintendo Power magazine
>I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times.

>> No.5307125


>> No.5307139
File: 12 KB, 256x224, Peach.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

When you add celebrities, Peach becomes a Geisha

>> No.5307201


>> No.5307331


>> No.5308358

demonstrably wrong. crap pasta. find a better one

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