/vr/ - Retro Games

[Anonymous No.4407053]

What's a childhood game you went back to and found was absolutely terrible?

>Decide to replay all the Gameboy Marios
>Start with Mario land
>First game I ever owned on the Gameboy along with Tetris
>Physics are terrible
>If you hold run then Mario slips like he's on ice
>Has weird acceleration spurts
>Drops like a rock after peak of jump instead of a smooth curve
>Level design is mostly jumping on floating platforms that require you to run
>Controls better if you don't run but can't make half the jumps
>Enemies are bland and not really a problem
>Flying/water levels are cool but lack depth
>Every mushroom is placed so that it tries to fuck you when you're clearly needing help
>Bullet bill and pirahana plant spam but never in interesting ways
>Puppet enemies in China land are cool
>Giant stone head enemies are cool
>Game lags to shit if more than 4 enemies are on the screen
>Last boss spams fireballs that split into 3 and has 2 on the screen at a time so lags to shit
>Fireballs are near useless due to the way they bounce.

[Anonymous No.4407197]

>>4407053
pinocchio for the gameboy

I can't believe I chose that over pokemon yellow what the fuck was wrong with me

[Batowl No.4407208]

>>4407053
Wario land series was the best.

[Anonymous No.4407215]

For me it was Pokémon Colosseum.

>Be me, cleaning and going through old shit I had
>Finds old copy of Pokémon Colosseum
>[ nostalgia.jpg I N T E N S I F I E S ]
>Decide to fire it up for old times sake.
>Loads up old save file, theme music blasting, memories coming back
>”Oh shit I never finished the final battle”
>*epic dash for elevator to the boss*
>Random encounter stops me
>bitchwtf.jpg (pic related)
>Finally done with that battle, hard as shit
>Rushes into boss battle
>Mfw all but one of my Pokémon are dead, the only one alive is my weakest one, there as an expendable pawn
>Come on we can do this Furret
>LVL.60 Scizor and LVL.60 Salamence appear
>Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit
>One-shotted
>Biggest saltlord ever
>Packs away GameCube
>”I see why I never finished this shit”
>Haven’t touched it since

Completely ruined my favorite childhood game in minutes.

[Anonymous No.4407260]

bump

[Anonymous No.4407315]

>>4407053
>War Wind
>Had a whole bunch of neat ideas
>Was really the first RTS where the different factions were substantially different and not just reskins of each other.
>And you had a "Hall of Heroes" in the campaign, where you could save your highly promoted and well equipped troops from mission to mission, forming a core of your army.
>But the level design, especially for the campaigns are pretty awful.
>Enemy initiative is anemic at best, usually 1-3 scripted attacks on your base at certain points in the level, after which they'll sit there with a thumb up their ass and wait for you to get them.
>And the balance is just bad; you can hire "mercenaries" if you want cheap troops, but they're just awful, barely stronger than the regular workers, and it's so much more effective to just train said workers into soldiers.
>Which is again a neat idea; that all your dudes start off as basic workers and you have to actually run them through training programs and such to turn them into warriors, scouts, mages, etc.
>But in practice, it's just clunky and boring, especially if you try to do it in large numbers as your idiot units will get stuck as their pathfinding has trouble maneuvering them in and out of the training building.

[Anonymous No.4407412]

>>4407053
Mario Land's biggest issue is that mostly everything moves too fucking fast for the OG Brick's passive LCD to track properly. It's much easier to play on later GB revisions or in emulation. But yeah all that shit is pretty much spot on.

[Anonymous No.4407442]

>>4407412

I can’t play anything on the original GameBoy, I have to emulate or play it on the GameBoy Player add-on for the GCN. That display is just too bad for me to handle.

[Anonymous No.4407452]

>>4407215
Not retro.

[Anonymous No.4407454]

>>4407452

The question is asking about games from your childhood, and that was one of them for me lol. The GameCube being retro or not is debatable though

[Anonymous No.4407459]

SML1 is the perfect game you philistine

[Anonymous No.4407468]

>>4407454
If it has to be explained to you that it should be within board rules you are probably dumb.

[Anonymous No.4407473]

>>4407468

Hey guess what? Idfc :v

[Anonymous No.4407485]

>>4407473
>:v
go away Pablo

[Anonymous No.4407489]

>>4407485

Noe >xd Dont make me unironically use emojis >:)

[Anonymous No.4407510]

bump

[Anonymous No.4407516]

>>4407197
A summer camp friend of mine owned Pinocchio for the Gameboy and brought it over one day (just cause I rented the SNES version). Such a garbage game in retrospect, but it was fun at the time.

Anyway, my friend's parents didn't allow him to beat the game, because then he would get bored of it, so apparently they forced him to power off his GameBoy after like 15-20 minutes. He ended up becoming a semi-speedrunner just to see glimpses of the other levels. Was pretty amazing seeing him blast through it as a kid.

As for the thread, I'd say Earthworm Jim 2. Every level sucks except for the first (love the granny part) and the one with all the meat and cheese. As a child I used to be obsessed with EWJ but now I realize the level and game design just isn't all that great. Having three levels of saving puppies for padding purposes also did not help.

[Anonymous No.4408609]

>>4407053
Fuck you the game is great.