/vr/ - Retro Games

[Anonymous No.3234305]

>Quake
>doesn't actually deal with a quake in any way

[Anonymous No.3234307]

>>3234305
It deals with a dimensional quake. It's also the codename for Shub-Niggurath, the final boss.

[Anonymous No.3234309]

>>3234307
>It deals with a dimensional quake.
literally meaningless, they could have just called it an invasion incident.

>It's also the codename for Shub-Niggurath, the final boss.
That'd be like if Call of Duty wasn't about a soldier but instead a loose cannon heavily armed action dude and the villain was codenamed "Call of Duty".

[Anonymous No.3234320]

>Half-Life

>You start with full life

[Anonymous No.3234324]

>>3234320
>Half-Life
>radiation is entirely incidental to the plot

[Anonymous No.3234335]

>Super Mario Bros.
>You start as regular Mario

[Anonymous No.3234340]

>>3234335
>Luigi's last name is apparently Mario

[Anonymous No.3234363]

>Final Fantasy 2

[Anonymous No.3234367]

>>3234324
Fuck off back to r.eddit.

[Anonymous No.3234375]

>>3234309
http://quake.wikia.com/wiki/Quake_Story

There you go. Quake = Shub-Niggurath.

If you're going to do this, then do it right, like

>Duke Nukem 3D
>No regional lords nuking anything in 3D.

[Anonymous No.3234385]

>The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
>Link never goes to the past

[Anonymous No.3234393]

>Yar's Revenge
>We never see what Yar is taking revenge for

[Anonymous No.3234403]

>>3234385
He actually does.

[Anonymous No.3234419]

>>3234305
Quake 2 had actual quakes.

[Anonymous No.3234445]

>>3234385
Yes he does.

As a pink bunny.

[Anonymous No.3234452]

>>3234403
>>3234445
Dark World isn't the past

[Anonymous No.3234454]

>>3234385
I always thought it was because he had a link to the past.

[Anonymous No.3234467]

>dead or alive

No one's dead

[Anonymous No.3234469]

>Unreal Gold
>Is actually real gold

[Anonymous No.3234473]

>Outrun
>you don't run, you drive

[Anonymous No.3234478]

>Unreal
>the plot is real

[Anonymous No.3234482]

>>3234307
Isn't that the source of the moss that turns people into broccoli in the last episode of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace?

[Anonymous No.3234486]

>>3234340
never seen the film?

[Anonymous No.3234491]

> Mortal Kombat
> Technically nobody really dies

[Anonymous No.3234492]

>Syphon Filter
>It's not about retro emulators using filters illegally

[Anonymous No.3234494]

>>3234482
It's the goat with 1,000 young

[Anonymous No.3234497]

>>3234491
Technically Sub-Zero dies.

Jesus, you guys are the worst at this.

[Anonymous No.3234504]

>GoldenEye
>no one has an eye made of gold

[Anonymous No.3234510]

>secret of mana
>nothing to do with secret recipes for bread

[Anonymous No.3234542]

>Mission Impossible
>The mission is perfectly possible

>>3234492
>Syphon Filter
There are no filters siphoning anything.

[Anonymous No.3234550]

>>3234542
>Impossible Mission
>also, perfectly doable

[Anonymous No.3234557]

>Marathon
>You don't run 26.2 miles

[Anonymous No.3234574]

>>3234309
>a loose cannon heavily armed action dude and the villain was codenamed "Call of Duty".

This actually sounds way better than what we got.

[Anonymous No.3234583]

>>3234452
Maybe it refers to how you deal with a menace and powers from the past? (Ganon's resurrection, sages, the Master Sword, etc.)

Wasn't it the first Zelda game to actually treat story elements as legends?

[Anonymous No.3234587]

Quake has the player take the role of interdimensional shotgun cop John Quake in his rip-roaring kick-ass roadtrip through doomed techno bases, abyssal netherhalls and labyrinthine death follies

Catch a wild slipgate and head straight for the heart of the action to help John Quake fight his mortal enemy, the savage Sub Negrowrath, and get revenge for the death of his wife and kids who were slaughtered by Sub's gangs of motorcycle riding murderdemons

[Anonymous No.3234594]

>>3234467

That's because they're alive.

[Anonymous No.3234604]

>Heretic
>you don't play as a heretic being hunted down by Catholics, Protestants and Orthodoxes

[Anonymous No.3234615]

>>3234604
no one expects D'Sparil inquisition

[Anonymous No.3234624]

>Thousand Arms

>you only got two

[Anonymous No.3234728]

>Samurai Spirits

>Only one samurai

[Anonymous No.3234757]

>Chrono Trigger
>Chrono doesn't actually get triggered.

[Anonymous No.3234758]

>>3234757
Chrono does trigger /vr/

[Anonymous No.3234759]

>Crash Bandicoot
>Spins, jumps, slides, belly flops, double jumps, dances, rides, swims, shoots, sprints
>Not a single fucking crash

[Anonymous No.3234765]

>>3234757
Kek I was gonna post something about Chrono Trigger.

How about:

>Unirally
>not a rally, Uniracers was more apt

[Anonymous No.3234770]

>Final Fantasy
>Has over a dozen sequels

[Anonymous No.3234771]

>>3234305
>Doom
>you aren't necessarily doomed because the game is possible to complete

[Anonymous No.3234776]

>Silent Hill
>Game has lots of music and SFX, and completely vertical surfaces

[Anonymous No.3234778]

>>3234776
Kek. But don't you mean horizontal?

[Anonymous No.3234780]

>Pokémon (pocket monsters)
>They don't go in your pocket

[Anonymous No.3234785]

>The Legend of Zelda
>I sat in a room the whole game waiting for Link to rescue me

[Anonymous No.3234786]

>Spider-Man: Enter Electro
>You don't enter Electro in any way, or even kiss him

[Anonymous No.3234790]

>>3234778
You both mean "flat"

[Anonymous No.3234791]

sup /v/

[Anonymous No.3234819]

>>3234790
Yes I was gonna say that but since he said vertical I thought I'd say the opposite word.

[Anonymous No.3234876]

>>3234780
Yes they do, dipshit, where do you think Pokeballs are kept?

[Anonymous No.3234904]

>>3234876
On your belt or in a backpack.

I've never seen anyone actually put pokeballs in their pocket.

[Anonymous No.3234905]

>>3234876
>He didn't watch the anime
They're on your belt or in a backpack.

[Anonymous No.3234913]

>Tony Hawk's Pro Skater
>none of the pro skaters actually belong to Tony Hawk

[Anonymous No.3234936]

>Mega Man
>he's a robot, not a man

[Anonymous No.3234983]

>>3234393
>Yar's revenge
>Game that is explicitly about yars taking revenge on the Qotile
>BUT WE NEVER SEE WHAT THEY'RE TAKING REVENGE FOR
First, it's in the manual. Second, that's not how the joke is supposed to work.
>>3234504
Goldeneye is the name of the satellite. Again, that's not quite how this joke works.

[Anonymous No.3235031]

>>3234983
how to find whenever someone is a fucking autist

[Anonymous No.3235041]

>>3234936
>Rockman
>he's not a man made of rocks

[Anonymous No.3235069]

>>3234305
>BLOOD
>there's loads of BLOOD

[Anonymous No.3235072]

>brink
>not about an Asian optometrist

[Anonymous No.3235110]

>Any Star Wars game
>do not feature battles between celestial bodies

[Anonymous No.3235152]

>>3235110
Kysmm

[Anonymous No.3235176]

>>3235031
Or you know, it's just that the humor isn't there. These threads are supposed to be (mildly) funny, but these jokes are so half-baked, and especially in the case of the former, don't even make sense to the point of stupidity.

[Anonymous No.3235180]

>Super Mario 64
>not the 64th Mario game

[Anonymous No.3236721]

>>3234305
quake is the name of the D&D character that the protagonist is based on. then they changed his name to "ranger" or some shit when they decided to scrap the fantasy / RPG elements and turn the whole thing into a doom clone gameplay wise

[Anonymous No.3236734]

>kung fu
>you don't even use actual kung fu

[Anonymous No.3236740]

>Super Mario World
>not an improved version of supermarionation

[Anonymous No.3236776]

>>3234305
>I preferred things when Quake was just a cool name for a game!

[Anonymous No.3236807]

>>3234504
In the Goldeneye movie, the "eye" of the satellite was actually gold-coloured iirc

[Anonymous No.3236810]

>jazz jackrabbit
>no jazz to be found

[Anonymous No.3238016]

>Actually 2.5D

[Anonymous No.3238021]

>Final Fantasy
>One hundred more sequels followed it

[Anonymous No.3238038]

>>3234452
>>3234583

A Link To the Past is set in the past relative to LoZ and AoL.

[Anonymous No.3238042]

> Dr. Mario
> Mario is not a real doctor, never even went to medical school.

[Anonymous No.3238071]

>Harvest Moon
>At no point do you ever get to harvest the moon let alone traverse it

[Anonymous No.3238075]

>Lovely Sweet Dream
>it's fucking creepy

[Anonymous No.3238082]

>>3238042

American University of London

[Anonymous No.3239642]

>system shock
>you shock the system

[Anonymous No.3239849]

>>3234305
Quake was supposed to be the name of the protagonist (don't ask; id were odd).
The game as a whole is quite far from what it was supposed to be.

[Anonymous No.3239851]

>Starcraft
>You don't even get to craft a single star

[Anonymous No.3239853]

>>3238071
>ive never been to the country or on a farm - the post
You literal fucking retard

[Anonymous No.3239854]

>>3234305
>Metroid
>Metroids appear only at the end of the game

>Super Metroid
>Metroids appear only at the end of the game......though one of them sure is super

[Anonymous No.3239886]

>>3234305
>Bad Dudes

>You're the good dude

[Anonymous No.3239906]

>>3239854
Never realised before but that title actually makes sense.

[Anonymous No.3239924]

>Space Harrier
>All levels of the game take place on the surface of a planet.

[Anonymous No.3239935]

>SCAT
>The game is actually pretty good

[Anonymous No.3239960]

>>3239849
>The game as a whole is quite far from what it was supposed to be.

Typical id story.

>Lets make a game
>Awesome
>It will be 3D
>and it will have epic graphics
>and a deep storyline
>and innovative game mechanics
>Sir, we're having a little bit of trouble implementing the innovative game mechanics.

>fuck it, scrap 95% of the story and release it as a fast paced shooter.


PEWPEWPEWPEWPEW

[Anonymous No.3240003]

>>3239960
>>fuck it, scrap 95% of the story and release it as a fast paced shooter.

You say that as if it's a bad thing.

[Anonymous No.3240016]

>>3240003

Hmm, just curious what might have been you know.
Originally Wolf3D was supposed to be more of a Metal Gear in 3D experience, but they went full fps shooter.
Doom was originally pitched as an Aliens shooter with cpu marines helping you out.

While the games we got are good, one can not wonder if they could have pulled off a more rpgish alien experience with cpu helpers.

>place the sentry guns
>defend the corridor
>lone walk to the other side of the complex for stuff

[Anonymous No.3240024]

>Super Mario Bros. 2
>The Princess and Toad aren't Mario's brothers

[Anonymous No.3240106]

>>3234305
>Kingpin: life of crime
>You actually became the kingpin
>The game portrays life of crime

[Anonymous No.3241994]

>Megaman X
>you don't even play as mega man

[Anonymous No.3242014]

>>3239854
>metroid
>has several metroids

>metroid 2
>has 39 metroids

>metroid 3
>has one metroid

what the fuck were they thinking

[Anonymous No.3242023]

>>3234771
I don't know man, you were pretty Doomed after the boss of episode 1.

[Anonymous No.3242024]

>>3242023
Doomed to upgrade from the shareware version for sure.

[Anonymous No.3242037]

>>3235041
>Rockman

>Rock
>Roll
>Blues (Protoman in Japan)
>Tango
>Beat
>Bass (Forte in Japan)
>Duo
>Treble
>Reggae
>Punk
>Ballade
>Met (short for Metall)
>Techno
>Dr Doppler
>Silver Horn

Nah I'm pretty sure they got the idea right.

[Anonymous No.3242114]

>>3242014
Super Metroid has a whole bunch of metroids though.

[Anonymous No.3242134]

>Final Doom
>they made several doom games after it

[Anonymous No.3242172]

>Age of Empires
>Most factions are kingdoms

[Anonymous No.3242174]

>>Conkers bad fur day
>>Fur is clean and kempt the entire game

>>Enemy Zero
>>there are lots of enemies

>>D
>>you don't give laura the D

>>Streets of rage
>>The streets aren't even angry

>>Final Fight
>>more than one round

>>Pokemon
>>You don't poke them on

>>Silent hill
>>The game has audio and isn't even on a slope

>>Donkey Kong Country
>>Game is set on an island without a standing government

>>Fighting Vipers
>>You don't fight vipers

>>Mario party
>>In what way is this a party?

>>Super Smash Bros
>>Not about frat boys having hard anal sex

>>Bust a move
>>Not a dancing game

>>Crazy taxi
>>Taxi is not sentient, let alone mad

>>Seaman
>>Not about nautical men

>>Banjo Tooie
>>You don't even play 2 banjos

>>Kingdom Hearts
>>Not even retro.

[Anonymous No.3242231]

>Jagged Alliance
>It's about straightforward war

[Anonymous No.3242239]

>>3242174
>Metal Slug
>Not a game about metallic gastropods

>Vector Man
>Made out of spheres

>Rollcage
>You don't participate in races by running inside rolling cages

>Exile
>You're not exiled, just an astronaut

>Darkstalkers
>No afroamerican serial rapist in the roster

>Heart of Darkness
>Has nothing to do with Konrad's book

>Alone in the Dark
>You're not really alone

>Point Blank
>Using the light gun close to the CRT screen is pointless

>Silent Bomber
>They always find you out before you even begin and explosions are pretty noisy anyway

>Ace Combat
>90% of the enemies are rookies

>Vib Ribbon
>Not a single ribbon in the game

>Star Ocean
>You'd be lucky to visit more than two planets at best

>Breath of Fire
>Ryu doesn't make a single fire breathing performance in the entire game

>Raptor: Call of the Shadows
>Not a game about sneaky ninja dinosaurs

>Medal of Honor: Underground
>Only a few levels are actually underground

>Super Robot Wars
>There's actually a lot of reals

>Medievil 2
>Takes place in Victorian England

>Xenogears
>No alien mechs to be seen

>One Piece Mansion
>The mansion has actually a metric fuckton of pieces you have to manage

>Bushido Blade
>Nobody fucking follows the Bushido code in this fucking game

>Perfect Dark
>Lights everywhere

[Anonymous No.3242246]

>>3234491
>>Mortal Kombat
>>Half the cast are immortal.

[Anonymous No.3242251]

>Street Fighter
>Street Fighter 2
>Street Fighter 2 Turbo
>Super Street Fighter 2
>Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo
>Street Fighter Alpha
>Street Fighter Alpha 2

>Street Fighter 3

[Anonymous No.3242253]

>>3234363
Underrated post

[Anonymous No.3242256]

>pokemon snap
>no pokemon go on murderous rampages

[Anonymous No.3242280]

>Postal
>You're not actually a postman

[Anonymous No.3242281]

>Final Doom
>It's not actually the final Doom

[Anonymous No.3242408]

>>3242246

And those that aren't regularly come back from the dead.

[Anonymous No.3242419]

>Bomberman
>Is not actually about the Jihad.

[Anonymous No.3242426]

>this thread

>tfw no one is doing this right at all

This is why you don't bring /v/ memes here.

[Anonymous No.3242428]

>>3242174
>>3242239
t-these are all so wrong

cringing hard.

>Crazy Taxi
>Taxi is not sentient, let alone mad

T-that's not how you do this.

[Anonymous No.3242430]

>>3234305
Atmosphere=quake in boots

[Anonymous No.3242859]

>>3242426
>>3242428
Are you seriously complaining we're NOT acting enough like /v/ in this thread?

[Anonymous No.3243345]

>>3239853
>comes to a joke thread and literally gets mad

Oh wow haha what a psycho

[Anonymous No.3243364]

>>3234305
Why is this pic so popular with chancucks?

[Anonymous No.3243378]

>>3242251
you forgot alpha 3 and sf2 championship edition
probably a few more