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/vr/ - Retro Games

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2441683 No.2441683 [Reply] [Original] [archived.moe]

describe your favorite franchise making it sound as crappy as you can

>> No.2441693
File: 1006 KB, 300x225, 1431398232593.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2441790

tvtropes.com, Video Games - Better Than it Sounds

>> No.2441807
File: 39 KB, 360x314, Boss_crocomire_SM.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You spend hours running around looking for random shit that doesn't really have any impact on the game beyond being a key to open some door all the way across the world or gain a small increase in health or ammo capacity.

>> No.2441832

Leisure Suit Larry.

>> No.2441886

It all started by a group of bad actors running away from dogs and then most of them got killed by disabled people that could barely even walk properly. You spend most of the game looking for keys to open wooden doors you could easily break down with your foot or weapons.

>> No.2441898

A loser wastes time doing boring shit in a setting that rips off Disneyland.

>> No.2441903

resident evil

>> No.2441949

This game is completely lacking in the originality department.

First of all, this guy has literally NO real powers of his own, everything has to either be handed to him or he has to steal it. He just fights, in short, he's a dick.

The one thing that defines him, copying and stealing, shouldn't. You'd think...he was more than that.

>> No.2441959

this describes a surprising amount of games

>> No.2441965

you are, for no good reason at all, responsible for saving the earth from a scientist who never actually invented anything himself. you play through 8 really short nonsensical levels and then through another level that is split into multiple parts for no reason. in the middle of this last level you have to fight a mini boss which you will end up fighting at least 3 times because its total bullshit. you then have to fight all the bosses again just to waste your time because they ran out of ideas. you then beat the scientist who WHAT A TWIST is an alien but they even ruin that by immediately revealing that he isn't an alien at all after you only hit him 6 times. you then just walk the fuck away and the last screen implies that the earth wasn't really even damaged at all and everyone forgot about you. the end

>> No.2441971

megaman 2

>> No.2441972

Kirby a qt tho

>> No.2441980

Wrong, the answer was Monkey Island.

>> No.2442083



>> No.2442113

Primitive barbarians and spacenoids team up to save the galaxy through lasers and magic.

>> No.2442120

You walk around caves with ridiculous encounter rates only to die to an instant kill spell and lose 2 hours of progress.

>> No.2442134

You shoot at everything until everyone dies.

>> No.2442135

You barely have any mean to defend yourself and most of the ammo is hidden everywhere. Plus it's hard to avoid enemies or even fight due to crippled controls; and in case you still aren't bored yet the game will take care of that with tons of puzzles, some of which have a stupid way to be solved (how the fuck was I supposed to know I had to check the book in the menu and press the action book with the book set a precise angle ?!)

>> No.2442217

You fly around trying not to let any little white dots touch you, and restart the whole game if you lose a life.

>> No.2442225

You run around barely recognisable environments designed by a retarded architect so you shoot people and flying meatballs from mars because some assholes made a portal to hell because the designers didn't like having a decent fucking story in their game.

>> No.2442298

Autism at its finest.

>> No.2442318

you play a little boy who shoots eggs at anthropomorphized objects and a ufo that makes an annoying warble and rides his dog around

>> No.2442354

Its about a whiny teenage boy looking for his mommy.

>> No.2442365
File: 148 KB, 750x500, cityconnection.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

1 - The fighting is clunky, you can eat but it serves no purpose, the story is cliché as fuck.
You never get laid even though there is a girl wanting to fuck you.
You buy toys but you can't store them all together in a shelf of anything.
You have to fucking work in the game.
And you'll never know what happens in the end.

2 - Nip nop ching chong with jpop hair from the 80s goes around hitting people with a pipe and disturbing peace. Hit detection sucks. Franchise went downhill after the N64 era.

3 - You run around stealth killing people who are blind and can't see you if you crouch. Even if they see you they'll just say "meh" and go back to whatever the fuck they were doing. You can't see shit over three feet ahead of you and everything will clip on everything else. Also, there is no story.

>> No.2442467

You save some ungrateful bitch

>> No.2442478


>> No.2442904


>> No.2442945

You play as an a̶n̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶l̶i androgynous saddle-lizard who rearranges blocks and drops garbage

>> No.2442952

Not sure if mocking thread or contributing example

>> No.2443236

Time traveling vampires arguing philosophy with each other.

>> No.2443252

A homewrecker drives two brothers against each other.

Sounds like a Castlevania game.

>> No.2443262

Nah, wrong.
Does anybody in Castlevania actually time travel? I actually didn't play any of the games, to be honest. I'm kinda ashamed of that.
Well, OK, also a giant squid is a big bad.

>> No.2443280

you push a rock into lightning and then shoot monsters for the rest of the game

>> No.2443315


>> No.2443403

You fight for christ against the damned

>> No.2443545
File: 9 KB, 259x194, mutualfeelings.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

A geriatric man has hidden some killer robots in garages, and somehow this is a grave threat to the world. The hero is a blatant Astro Boy rip-off who changes into the most FAAAAAAABULOUS colors because he's the most uncool, un-Western thing imaginable.

Every fucking game follows the same formula, half are garbage, and the developers seem to have totally lost interest in the series.

At least it's not Sonic the Hedgehog.

>> No.2443558

I'll get someone else to do it for me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-V8CnrEDgM

>> No.2443563

Stop talking shit bout Mega Man.

>> No.2443587

>describe your favorite franchise

>> No.2443593

Legacy of Kain

>> No.2443602
File: 202 KB, 1193x670, YfcaaBdAC0s.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You guessed it.
I still can't believe they managed to play time traveling vampires straight and actually make it work.

>> No.2443615

Some coke-addled furry runs around like an idiot stealing jewelry and causing massive amounts of property damage to spite some fat STEMlord. Autism ensues.

>> No.2443623
File: 76 KB, 1024x768, impe1m1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You press a button to shoot enemies, then another button to exit the level. You do the same thing for 30-odd levels.

>> No.2443626

solved by

>> No.2443628

> no NPCs
> no way to die
> walking around flicking switches
> watching postage-stamp-sized videos

>> No.2443629

You play as a geometric shape, fighting other geometric shape, in a game that appears to be designed by children and designed to be played by them

>> No.2443630

It's the original walking simulator, but unlike Dear Esther or Gone Home it does not run above 1fps. You can replicate the experience of it by clicking on random Powerpoint slides.

>> No.2443638

>You play as the badass son of a demon, who can't be beaten because he is super strong. He has a dark side because his father is a demon and his mom is dead, and his brother hates him. He has a super badass broad sword and you can get all sorts of guns to kill people. He also wears a trench coat and sometimes fingerless gloves. He doesn't let anyone bully him and he is constantly eating pizza like a badass.

>> No.2443657

>Not Retro: The Videogame

>> No.2443663
File: 24 KB, 425x412, 1425328928394.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

What part of your favourite franchise didn't you understand, people.

>> No.2443667

reason, reason, give me a reason

>> No.2443696

You're a retard. Gb2/v/.

>> No.2443723

Lara Croft Boob Raider?

>> No.2443726

Dude, I fucking LOVE Mega Man. I'd rather play the worst of the Mega Man series than the best of Sonic the Hedgehog.

The whole point of the thread is to make fun of our favorite games' worst aspects.

>> No.2443735

sly cooper

>> No.2443739

A rat releases a demon lord and you have the duty of defeating it for terribly random reasons. Also, your neck has natural bling.
So, you go to reverse America to survive and seek help of two really lazy gods.

>> No.2443743
File: 39 KB, 640x300, Earthbound-Wii-U.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You just spend days checking random objects to make sure they dont do anything or have items in them, talk to random strangers who offer no infromation, doing 100's of battles to level up everyone to 99 then blowing it off on the final boss and never be able to use your hard earned chars again.

>> No.2443748

Every JRPG

>> No.2443753

Legacy of Kain then?

>> No.2443754

You go to war against people who don't have the same favorite color as yours.
Your character rides a horse that seems to be very old and tired because it needs a whole day break after running a few meters.
Your character's trousers apparently have very large pockets because they can hold an infinity of items that go from wood logs to living creatures in them.
Biology is a mess overall. The gestation period lasts no longer than one week and every creature is born a full grown adult. Also, every single of them seems to suffers from the same face syndrome and is apparently not thicker than a sheet of paper, given thousands of them can all stand in a very small hexagon.
Living in this world must suck because people pay taxes daily.

>> No.2443756

Yeah, already confirmed it: >>2443602

>> No.2443758

>people pay taxes daily.
It's real life, I need to sudoku ;u;

>> No.2443785
File: 54 KB, 406x424, raziel.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Dead or Alive?

... Phantasy Star?

This describes a lot of old school JRPGs, but it sounds the most like Final Fantasy I.

Sounds like a series doomed to obscurity.

I honestly have no fucking idea.

Final Fantasy VII? From Sephiroth's perspective?

I, too, love Tetris Attack.

Pic related.


Zork, Shadowgate, Hugo's Haunted House?

>> No.2443786

>What part of your favourite franchise didn't you understand, people.
the ufo ending in silent hill

>> No.2443809


>> No.2443826


>>2443630 was also Myst.

>> No.2443828

/v/ is in the other direction, shill

>> No.2443859

A major metropolitan city lacks any traffic at all (except trollies) allowing you to drive as reckless as you want.

>> No.2443894

You fly around and stab steampunk pigs who are doing the bidding of some super computer AI which is never really explained.

>> No.2443910

Rocket Knight?

>> No.2443925

>This describes a lot of old school JRPGs, but it sounds the most like Final Fantasy I.

SMT, but FF1 works as well

>> No.2443930


Yes Or Sparkster to play within the rules

>> No.2443943

Can this be seen as some shill underhandedness, a training in emotional self-deprecation? Who better to have ruin your vidya pleasantries, than yourself, taking care of the 'hobby/industry entitlement' and 'good taste' accumulated through the years, presumably, of fun.

Would save those abhuman licecunts a whole lot of work. Wouldn't even have to data mine that hard with a blank suggestion, posited in this manner.

I've talked to some of these creeps. One of their goals is, as the manual they operate upon instructs, to 'make room' for 'industry novelties', meaning heinous hokey they've been hired to shill over. Making room by shitting all over anything you should hold dear that they can replace with a current model. Bruteforcing you into compliance.

>> No.2443946

whoever gets to the power weapons first always wins meaning that 10 minute matches are decided in the first 20 seconds but you can't quit, also this game invented fps

>> No.2443983

A ginger goes around humping monsters to death, his quest culminates in a fight against an old Windows screensaver that spams lasers and wrecks floors. The second game is more humping, this time with magic.

>> No.2444000

The weapons part seems like it but the fps part doesn't.

>> No.2444004


>> No.2444006

Halo, smart guy.

>> No.2444008

san francisco rush?

>> No.2444131

War...War never changes.

>> No.2444157

It's all about cow management. There's tribe relations, food, raids, and long lasting myths, but it really pales in comparison to the cows. And you don't even get to see what the cows look like.

>> No.2444684


>> No.2444691

You Rollerblade through Vancouver without turning ever. After every 5-8 miles of skating you must replace your wheels and pads.

>> No.2444883

Those all work for >>2441693

>> No.2444912

run right till you reach the end

>> No.2444921


>> No.2444959

Shining Force 2. Good choice of favorite game, btw. You were supposed to do a whole franchise rather than a single iteration, though

>> No.2445026

Bad guys have lazer towers, flamethrowers and invisible tanks.
Good guys have missiles, granades, commandoes and 2 cannon huge tanks.
>All is for teh green shit

>> No.2445038

So much weebo shit, tetris with combos, 6 combos fuck them all.
>Robuttnick had a game like this.

>> No.2445423

panel de fag!

>> No.2445425

You come from a fatherless home (but you arn't black surprisingly) anyway this bug tells you that shit is going down so you go collect your crew of children and and the end of the game you kill yourself so you can become a machine and win the day

>> No.2445451

half life?

>> No.2445461

God if they weren't children i'd say mass effect 3

>> No.2445464


>> No.2445510

Earthbound, nigga.

>> No.2445704

chinese people fight with numbers

>> No.2445801

A guy is pissed off and sleep deprived so he kills countless random people , unleashes a dark God, and eventually blows up the moon

>> No.2445809

Some Schwarzenegger rip-off decides to go kick some alien butts because he ran out of bubble gum.

>> No.2445829

Well that was funny, but not intentional.
It was sonic anyway.

>> No.2445831

You and your friends get trapped in a 60s spy movie villian's mansion and have to solve wacky puzzles to find your way out while avoiding the sick residents of the house and their pets.

>> No.2445853

Resident Evullll.

>> No.2445864

Some random child must save his kingdom but, for some stupid reason, decides to do so by defeating his enemies in a hand game instead of simply beating the shit out of them.

>> No.2445870
File: 625 KB, 500x720, 017.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


I wish it ended with them unmasking the final Tyrant and revealing that it was Wesker all along.

>> No.2445913

alex kidd?

>> No.2445926

Fatass plumber has to chase after some chick that keeps getting kidnapped by a fucking turtle.

>> No.2445929

pole position

>> No.2445946
File: 34 KB, 649x480, Alex retires from vidya.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2445978

Two brothers beat the crap out of the punks who kidnapped a stupid bitch and disturbed their awkward love triangle.

>> No.2445986
File: 91 KB, 1360x768, 53031-Galerians_(J)_(Disc_3)-2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Edgy, angsty teen has no fucking clue who he is and has to escape a hospital where the staff are completely incompetent and preform blowjobs on eachother's dead corpses. The controls suck and the voice acting makes Resident Evil look good. There is a gauge that constantly goes up and you can never stop it unless you take a pill that is totally finite and the game is properly designed to take into consideration that your entire playthrough is more or less timed.

>> No.2446005

Half the game is spent sitting around watching people walk past you. Occasionally you climb on something.

>> No.2446023

woodland animals beat up an old lady

>> No.2446037

You play as a blue fur fag cat who is trying to save save some other fur fag from the mafia by bopping them with a toy gun.

>> No.2446056

wow this really got out of hand...well I guess mine is a time traveling asshole ruins the last place doesnt destroy by polution and you a sad fuck and your sad friends try to stop him using their wicked rhytm

>> No.2446063


Banjo Kazooie?

>> No.2446069

A borderline autistic man runs around the ocean chasing some pussy.

>> No.2446074

yup. they also make jokes about disabilities

>> No.2446120

nah, mother 3

>> No.2446132


Also a good answer

>> No.2446145

A group of effeminate weebs fight other groups of effeminate weebs until they reach the host of the event that is a bad guy trying to take over the world in a convoluted way every year, yet they keep joining the event anyway.

>> No.2446191


>> No.2446210


>> No.2446410

You repeatedly travel through time and save the day because you're the only one who ever shows up to work

>> No.2446472

Ah shit, you are right about the franchise thing.
Anyway jackpot.

>> No.2446535


>> No.2446583

Journeyman Project?

>> No.2446592
File: 48 KB, 500x400, 1415136695239.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Main character is a no-named super-duper awesome dude who became a 'space marine' on mars after beating the shit out of his own CO.
The super-duper evil corporation opens a portal to hell on the moons of mars, however no explanation of why one planet disappears is ever given.
Every other space-marine gets killed, but you go through the moon bases and hell and return to earth to save everyone on earth and then you kill Satan (but he's just a fucking wall texture and a retarded sound effect).
The story is so shallow you couldn't wash dishes in it. The backstory is only mentioned on in the manual, however it is a shareware game so manuals are most likely rare. The rest of the story is told in text walls that take for ever to end if you don't skip them and the writing is dog shit.
The gameplay is your regular shootem up with the added gimmick of '2d environments' however you can't look up, down or jump. The enemies are either insta-hit gunners, slow fireball throwers or a whole load of bullshit.
The music is plagiarised from several well known metal bands and the sound effects are all from sound libraries.
The level design gets worse as time goes by and sometimes has horrendous glitches and missing textures.
The hacks for this game are all unoriginal sprite-rips and generic levels.

Hopefully this is the last we see of this trash. It proves that 3d graphics always sacrifice actual effort and quality.

>> No.2446594

You're the fated hero who will save the princess and defeat the evil villain.

>> No.2446595

Mario the Hedgehog

>> No.2446603 [SPOILER] 
File: 28 KB, 520x1812, 1433315117231.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

It's a platformer and you can just fly over every obstacle. There's no limit to how long you can stay airborne, so holes are literally no challenge at all. Enemies pose almost no threat since most don't leave the ground and their attack patterns consist of walking left. You can just throw enemies back at others to increase your score, which is meaningless of course.
In later games you can use different moves to kill the harmless enemies, but you can only use one move at a time. Even these moves are completely useless since every level is designed to be playable without them, i.e. flying over obstacles.

Everything mentioned above is applicable to boss fights as well.

>> No.2447232

You play an idiot wondering around islands waiting for stuff to happen to him. He eventually confronts pirates, but all he knows how to do is to get into lame "lolsoquirky" insult fights.
You can't progress through the games without a help manual or a guide because the puzzles are cryptic as fuck

>> No.2447319


>> No.2447346

You buy old jap cars, run in tracks and spend money buying other jap cars

>> No.2447480

Gran Tourismo

>> No.2447641

1 - Shenmue
2 - Goemon
3 - MGS: VR Missions

>> No.2447648

[spoilers]No More Heroes[/spoilers]

>> No.2447654


>> No.2447873


>> No.2447910

This game has nothing to do with dinosaurs.

>> No.2447946

Double Dragon?

>> No.2448000

Devil may cry 2

>> No.2448002

Balloon fight

>> No.2448004

Martian Gothic unification

>> No.2448209


>> No.2448236

Too vague.
Metal Slug? Contra?

>> No.2448267

Sounds fucking awesome to me

>> No.2449979

Your character has absolutely no special abilities, and must completely rely on items to survive. In many ways he's inferior to normal humans, as sometimes he can't perform simple tasks such as running, jumping, or lifting without certain "magical" tools. Often accompanied by an annoying, useless sidekick. Also, he dresses like a sissy.

>> No.2450080

You kill bats with the power of candles.

>> No.2450218
File: 129 KB, 300x213, LestertheUnlikely_boxart.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2450229
File: 21 KB, 260x226, Aquaman - Battle for Atlantis.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2450231

Take the role of a magician with blobs, deal with a bunch of crazies, and try not to get raped by the devil.

>> No.2450234

Good old Zelda

>> No.2450235

Sam the Serious Duke

>> No.2450241
File: 146 KB, 440x438, Cnctd-win-cover.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2450251

A group of green hamsters are trying to save their asses building stairs and blowing shit up.

>> No.2450258
File: 103 KB, 800x562, civilization2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

It's basically a cow-clicker where you build a city that lets you build more cities so those cities can build even more cities until eventually you go into space.

>> No.2450260

>Indian chasing some dinosaurs

>> No.2450261
File: 40 KB, 320x371, Lemmings-BoxScan.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2450262



>> No.2450269
File: 58 KB, 359x262, Lemming.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

mah leeman

>> No.2450271

>Ok, hardmode on.
A group of earthworms blowing shit up with sheeps and bananas

>> No.2450273


.. uh... Worms?

That's not even a crappy description. That's just, the description.

>> No.2450279

Strategically place plants in your yard for best results, while being annoyed by brainless, hygeine-challenged visitors.

>> No.2450284

Two stoner aliens lost pieces of their spacecraft and are in the earth stealing Santa's presents and avoiding mailboxes

>> No.2450285

people piss themselves all the fucking time. breaks the four wall every second. theres a nerd who keeps crying all the time, a guy no one wanted, but I suppose he got more tolerable as it went on, and one of the most adorable little girls ever.

>> No.2450290

Sonic Hedgehog

>> No.2450291

Civ and Civ 2 were the only games I could play over and over even after I "beat " the game. It got overly complicated later on to be as much fun. Like Sim City did.

>> No.2450293

Fast blue mario but instead of fighting a giant dragon you fight an average American

>> No.2450295

2 fat reptiles shooting bigass bubbles

>> No.2450296


Toejam and Earl.

>> No.2450301
File: 177 KB, 500x383, Bikini_Robotnik.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>average American

>> No.2450305

Spooky skellington is the dead

>> No.2450314

At the end u must kill a blue bald guy head that is god.

>> No.2450325

Shoot green shit at walking asses

>> No.2450327
File: 27 KB, 262x147, cyberdeman.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]



>> No.2450346

Watchmen: Rorschach's Revenge

>> No.2450352

>half are garbage
>I love Megaman

I can't reconcile these thoughts, either you are very confused or I am.

>> No.2450357

>Tyrant kills Wesker
>Unmask Tyrant, it was really Wesker!
>Unmask Wesker
>It was really Jill?!
>Unmask Jill
>a sandwich pops out

>> No.2450381

Rockin' Kats, yo.

>> No.2450473

No, I know, I get it. It's contradictory. But Mega Man is a prodigal child, and so I judge him more harshly for becoming content with himself and wallowing in mediocrity. The difference in quality between a good Mega Man game (insert your favorite here, mine is Mega Man 9) and a mediocre Mega Man game (3, 5, 6, 8, unless you like any of those, I don' want any trabble) is very small compared to the typical gaps in quality within other NES fare, but it feels bigger to me.

So, yes. I'm confused. Can we at least agree that R&B is not a good game? No? Okay, I'm not going to push the subject.

>> No.2450483


>> No.2450507

you play a misogynistic pig whos only appeal is shouting extremely cheesy one liners from outdated action films.

>> No.2450512

Duke 3D.

>> No.2450541

>>a sandwich pops out
I love you, Anon-kun.

>> No.2450665

You get thrown in a big hole, where nobody want to know your Name. You learn a lot of shit, get hit by a stone and forget everything.

>> No.2450817

Your some faggy blonde kid in a diaper that runs through a little jungle with ear-raping music playing.
In the sequels you play as babies in plastic armor that walk at a snails pace and swing toy swords around over and over again.
Most of the shop keepers are the designers' fursonas.

>> No.2450837


>> No.2450850 [SPOILER] 
File: 10 KB, 220x211, 1433486722558.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

... Well played.

>> No.2450854

Wonder Boy

>> No.2450859


>> No.2450884
File: 1.53 MB, 320x189, http___makeagif.com__media_4-14-2014_pR2Ega.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2450892

>Wonder Boy
>ear raping music
Just don't play the games on SMS.

>> No.2450896

Forgot to link these :

>> No.2450915

I know the other games have great music, I was trying to make it sound bad. It's the thread theme, anon. You can't deny that this low quality conversion of an already repetitive tune is ear-raping.
Yeah, crank THAT shit up.
Also I don't care for Dynastic Hero's schmaltzy generic score, I prefer Monster World III's ost.

>> No.2450925
File: 29 KB, 660x350, Dan-Cole-bleeding-ear-in-A_2787073.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Yeah, you have a point.

>> No.2450952

Not retro, but...
You show up and enslave everyone and lead them to their own death.

>> No.2450963

RTS with cigar smoking robots

>> No.2450965

Shin Megami Tensei

>> No.2450975
File: 178 KB, 311x400, zc10.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2451120


>> No.2451136

Everybody always confuses Tenchu for MGS, but I don't blame you.

>> No.2451137

You are God beating the shit out centaurs, goblins and weirdos of Satan with a huge sword. You must build cities with angels.
>why no a sequel Square-Enix?

>> No.2451141

I said not retro.
Act Raiser?

>> No.2451154
File: 24 KB, 480x300, actraiser.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

mah nigga

>> No.2451169

2 gay kiddos with retarded hair shoots rainbows at cute ass bees

>> No.2451178

Badass spy fish with a smoking is pimpin' some asses

>> No.2451185

Humpty-Dumpty with a sombrero collects shit from the ground and is a friend of a wizrd that have some hard ass puzzles.

>> No.2451191

Space bubbles blow up watermelons, radios, and Thigh Masters by the truckload to an endlessly repeating selection of three songs.

>> No.2451204

A retarded anelid founds a mega space suit and now must beat a weird crow with a fishbowl on the head and save a long-ass-named female bee, with the company of an insane dog.

>> No.2451206

You forgot to mention all the classical music.

>> No.2451267

I just wasted 11 minutes Ill never get back watching this shit, please enlighten me, how does this relate to the subject, please explain

>> No.2451467


>> No.2451469

Day of the Tentacle Porn?

>> No.2451659

Red alert

>> No.2451760

You play as this little kid cat that has this blue ball that is his friend, and run around inflating innocent looking creatures, and use them as platforms to get to higher places.

There's this creepy Fuck McBirdface that has a retarded clown henchman with him, that has kidnapped a little girl and is plotting to fuck everything up, and it's your job to stop him.

>> No.2451762

Kids who wear goggles are forced to leave their quiet, safe village and go battle deities because all of the experienced warriors are too lazy or old to help them. Most of the bosses are fought not because they have any relevance, but because they're simply in the way of the doors they need to get past. The final bosses will always be jokes, except for one of the games where he'll be near-on impossibly difficult, just to dick players for having complained about easy final bosses before.

>> No.2451763

Puzzle Bobble II?


>> No.2451765
File: 37 KB, 256x255, Klonoa_playstation_front (2).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Of course

>> No.2451769

Superb taste.

>> No.2451804

Okay I am curious what game is this

>> No.2451818
File: 76 KB, 350x497, bible-buffet.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

mah nigga

>> No.2451827

Puyo Puyo. Or Puyo Pop. Or Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine. Or Kirby's Avalanche. Or holy fuck they rebranded this game a lot.

>> No.2452447

Fuck, i never knew that there's another game different than Dig-Dug with that kind of weapon, thats brutal.

>> No.2452470

You are an angry red and yellow robot-looking man made by floating pieces who lost his flag and a bunch of fleas are invading an acid trippy looking world with awesome music.
>And you can drive strange vehicles and become a firefighter for a while.
>And moustaches and old films

>> No.2452510
File: 135 KB, 640x448, eu_plok.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>there will never be a plok sequel

>> No.2452526
File: 142 KB, 640x877, 47195_front.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Talkin about these cheeky bastards?

>> No.2452550

Some wop plumber does mushrooms while on the job and trips about some magical kingdom.

>> No.2452565

You visit your father's house, then everything goes upside down.

>> No.2452570

How could this have been anything other than the first guess? Yikes.

>> No.2452768

dark souls

>> No.2452771

generic knight/ princess story in generic fantasy world where only the villain and the things in the world are slightly different.

>> No.2452775

universal theme park

>> No.2452782

Hold right. Jump on fat man 8 times.

>> No.2453030

No, but that is a great game.

>> No.2453220

A guy and his boob

>> No.2453231

A smartass scientist makes a wormhole in his house and travels to a weird world dominated by big guys with potatato-ass looking faces, they have lazer and shit.

>> No.2453235

Your characters have no personality, you start in the middle of nowhere with no idea what to do and if you go to far the wrong way be prepared to get fucked in the ass

>> No.2453238

Dark/demon souls

>> No.2453242

I'd say Another World, but I think everything starts in a laboratory and not the guy's house.

>> No.2453243
File: 152 KB, 800x790, 206895-tales-of-the-unknown-volume-i-the-bard-s-tale-apple-ii-front-cover.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453247

I'd say Boogerman, but there are no lazers.

>> No.2453249

Jesus appears and said "move yo ass up from your tomb", later, you must get all steroids to get ripped as hell and become a fucking beast and smash some friggin' ass ugly bald guy.

>> No.2453253

Fucking JRPGs, in fact, calling them "role playing game" is a fucking joke when you don't roleplay shit and you just listen to the story of a bunch of faggots through boring battles that require no skill and just memorizing spells and attacks.

>> No.2453254

Altered Beast

>> No.2453258
File: 409 KB, 1280x1804, 2011121712829_1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

muh niggah

>> No.2453259

This cowboy looking dude is resurrected and must battle his way through a bunch of horror movie cliches and the game is littered with shit they stole from good horror movies.

>> No.2453267

Darkwatch or GUN

>> No.2453272

Dog is rappin' some tunes with a chinese onion kung fu dude, du, duh, DUD

>> No.2453276 [DELETED] 

Nope, I haven't played either of those games.

>> No.2453278

Parappa the Rappa

>> No.2453287

>PS2 version

>> No.2453290

Englishman with moustache goes to an old California house to investigate some piano and gets fucked in the ass by terrifying polygon wolf-frogs that came from the windows and oldschool zombies. You can do some karate shit.

>> No.2453293


>> No.2453294
File: 19 KB, 400x300, d97240a317263406c92c330396c7815d.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

mah niggah
>Piriappah the Rapist

>> No.2453295

You run around with sniper rifles and shoot lasers at mallgoths and cows.

>> No.2453296
File: 18 KB, 291x350, Blood_logo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Right on the mark!

>> No.2453303

Alone In The Dark.
That shit spooped me when I was a kid.

>rummage through some dusty stuff in the attic
>zombie pops from a trap
>kill him with the shotgun
>resume my exploration
>some motherfucker breaks in through the window
>poop pants

>> No.2453304
File: 26 KB, 280x395, ps2cover.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>when you think that the only game is from genesis/snes but there's a ps2 sequel

>> No.2453305

Oh no, my gf is dead and I must be buff and rescue her!

>> No.2453306
File: 33 KB, 600x332, Oldgames_AloneintheDark.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453307

Damn I didn't know about this one.

I've just watched a video about it and it seems they literally took the original game and just replaced all the sprites with shitty 3D models.

>> No.2453312

Hercules, or any other game about him?

>> No.2453319
File: 962 KB, 628x372, eh.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453320

Some guy on a flying board with a cool power ranger red costume is blasting giant dragons, robots, jellyfishes and scary shit around a trippy acid world.
>aaaaaahhhhh, GET READY?

>> No.2453325

Take Alice & Wonderland, and replace the qt little girl with a fat, ugly guy with a 70s porn mustache.

This is about as hard modo as the game it refers to can get.

>> No.2453326


Sega remade a bunch of their old arcade games for the PS2, and they're all terrible.


Including this one. It somehow looks worse than the original Space Harrier.

Also, you suck at making it sound shitty.

>> No.2453335

No, something more dark and bloody

>> No.2453339


>> No.2453343

fuzzy mammal eats fruit and has to fight some midget scientist with jaundice

>> No.2453345
File: 15 KB, 304x408, crasherect.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Crash Bandicoot

>> No.2453347


>> No.2453348
File: 53 KB, 793x354, Crash.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Poochie Bandicoot

>> No.2453353

it's a game series about animal abuse and fatherless children.

>> No.2453362


>> No.2453363
File: 38 KB, 452x450, 281470.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453365

Thats almost 90% of /vr/

>> No.2453369
File: 92 KB, 960x960, PhsHSOv.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Animals don't say no.

>> No.2453379

That was what I had in mind although I tried to be vague so >>2453362 is also an acceptable answer. Both of you get points

>> No.2453386

Ugly ayy lmao with the power of making headaches is trying to get the fuck out from the jail, but frog people have some guns.

>> No.2453394

Dude call everyone he knows (including enemies) to a kart race

>> No.2453396

Fly over Easter Island in a shitty, underpowered spaceship.

>> No.2453401

Stupid cat with adhd can fly.
All could be go wrong.

>> No.2453402

You and your family are sent in place that looks like the universe's asshole.
Your only friends are the local peasants who live in igloos made either of rock or dung and some disgusting looking animals.
You get to be the emperor's bitch until LE EBIN PLOT TWIST DUN-DUN-DUN happens.

>> No.2453405
File: 508 KB, 600x600, 4sEwQVG17z.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453407

A plumber that can cure virical and bacterial infections

>> No.2453410
File: 85 KB, 1024x768, steamworkshop_webupload_previewfile_241339845_preview.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

mah niga

>> No.2453416

Green Rambo rabbit is pissed off by some nerdy tortoise

>> No.2453418

Hitler is a giant robot

>> No.2453435


>> No.2453453
File: 252 KB, 900x1227, Jazz.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Jazz was the MSDos mascot like Sonic and Mario with their respectives, too bad that EPIC is too busy with shitty games like Gears of Whore to get back this motherfucker again.
>Also, my nigga!

>> No.2453469


>> No.2453487


>> No.2453497


You had one job.

>> No.2453527 [DELETED] 
File: 409 KB, 854x920, lolz.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453535 [DELETED] 
File: 8 KB, 208x199, 1389674215782.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453540 [DELETED] 
File: 14 KB, 240x320, iE9GmFq.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453710

A midget from the Bronx goes around in short shorts and punches a variety of ethnic stereotypes in the face.

>> No.2453725 [DELETED] 
File: 1.28 MB, 200x190, rIwuhDY.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453730

Punch Out?

>> No.2453734 [DELETED] 
File: 284 KB, 778x339, 1407639046351.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.2453742
File: 71 KB, 173x232, 9Op1MqI.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

mah nigra

>> No.2453752

Jazz be that motherfucker

>> No.2453762

Your father had sex with a lot of women before getting shanked. Most of your brothers and sisters want you dead to get Dat sweet family enterprise

>> No.2453782

Thousand Arms?

>> No.2453783

Your sister is kidnapped and later your friend dies so you go put together jigsaw puzzles while your other friend acts like an asshole 24/7

>> No.2453791



>> No.2453796

Both banjo-Kazooie (sister kidnapped) and Tooie but yes

>> No.2453810


Yeah, but Bottles didn't die in Kazooie, which is what I assumed you were referring to.

>> No.2453814

>your sister is kidnapped
>then later your friend dies

OP asked me to describe a series so I described both games, though I did word it confusingly

>> No.2453815


My mistake, I didn't read "franchise" in the OP. Carry on.

>> No.2453819

Chipmunk makes ass and tits jokes the entire game

>> No.2453830

Some hardcore ranger enters a variety of fucked up dimensions and you must throw grenades at zombies cuz the other weapons can't do shit.

>> No.2453836

Conker's Bad Fur Day and Live and Reloaded

>> No.2453842

Nerdy kid encounters b-movie monsters, panics and runs around throwing everything that isn't nailed down at them.

>> No.2453848
File: 32 KB, 250x247, 250px-Conkerspockettalesboxart.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

my negga

>> No.2453857

Monster hunter.

...Wait, I was supposed to describe it...

>> No.2453903

you play as a weeaboo wielding impossibly giant weapons that would be entirely impractical and useless in any other situation. you spend a large amount of your time wandering through boring lifeless areas looking for a monster which is just a giant version of something that already exists / existed. the monsters barely put up a fight as you swing whatever giant stupid weapon you choose at it. you then repeat this boring process forever

>> No.2454559

Close but no.. Stinger.

>> No.2454585

A rich NEET who owns Los Angeles determines that his wealth needs sharing, so he arranges a city-wide competition amongst automobile aficionados in which the surviving participant is granted the luxury of a life of his or her choice. The first competition was such a huge success that it's second reincarnation included both hemispheres of pre-9/11 America.

>> No.2454747 [SPOILER] 
File: 52 KB, 600x399, 1433644649787.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Holy shit other people have played this?

>> No.2454779

A guy that has a bad relationship with his father time travels to a scenario where he fucks his daughter.

>> No.2454782



>> No.2456342

>for some reason

I hate this shit when people talk about old games.

>> No.2456452

You pilot not-Gundams using two dildos with buttons on them

>> No.2456484
File: 73 KB, 847x640, 5 Failure.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You play as a mortal man who gets to kill Satan and his minions.

With little effort.

>> No.2456494

Okay, Rain Man.

>> No.2456585

V-ON, mah nigga

>> No.2456594

This fat greedy bitch gets money.

>> No.2456619

You fight eight bosses only to fight them again before the final boss

>> No.2456648

ghosts n goblins? diablo?

>> No.2456676
File: 45 KB, 500x344, MMBoxArt.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You have to collect faces to get more faces, and once you get enough faces you fight a big face.

>> No.2456917

Link: The Faces of Evil.

>> No.2457771

Twisted Metal

>> No.2457827

King of Dragon Pass

>> No.2457892

It's an FPS style game where you play a brooding anti-hero, but your only "gun" is used more for launching water balloons than actually killing anyone. It doesn't matter anyway since if you ever do get into combat you're either going to run away or quickload. The levels are sprawling and labyrinthine, and the only maps you get for them are sketches the the main character doodled on the back of a napkin. The main character is an utter dick who cares more about paying his landlord than the actual plot of the game.

>> No.2457950


>> No.2457968

Space Invaders or Asteroids?

Grim Fandango?




Mine: you play as a pink haired faggot and throw shit at pigs.

>> No.2457980


Based Tomba.

>> No.2458508

There's a fight between WWII pilots and space furries and only the white men survive

>> No.2458520

A dinosaur can endure 15 handgun bullets without dying.

>> No.2459631

The second game was the best but is still the black sheep of the entire series because the fanbase is a toxic, amorphous bandwagoning mass of teenagers trying to fit in. Basically this fag boy in tights and a skirt runs errands for an entire country even while the world is in constant danger of being overrun by a pig, seemingly just so he can impress a princess who giggles at him but they never seem to fuck despite being reincarnated for each generation in their lineages that span every single era the kingdom they reside in passes through

>> No.2459639


>> No.2459642


>> No.2459819

The series pretty much does 1 button hack and slash over and over, while being extremely edgy.

>> No.2459863

This series started being a mashup of a bunch of old shows until the devs started introducing OC Donut Steels and now the series is entirely about them and the whole mashup thing never even happened in one of the new timelines.

>> No.2459870

Super Robot Wars

>> No.2459880

Out of the middle of fucking nowhere a space bird shows up and tells you that only you can save his homeworld. All you've got is a shitty baseball bat and some pills to beat the shit out of flying plates and a giant piece of tempura shrimp.

>> No.2459906

Monster Party!

>> No.2459910

Mother 4

>> No.2460734


>> No.2460878


GTA Vice City Stories

>> No.2461000

A pig steals an elf's girlfriend and the elf gets so mad he stabs a bunch of monsters to death and steals their Doritos.

>> No.2461095

It's like Scooby Doo but with hentai

>> No.2461107

Star ocean

>> No.2461172


>> No.2461350



>> No.2461409

Link isn't an elf GOD DAMN IT


>> No.2461449

Resident evil 1 ps1/psx version.

>> No.2461504

I actually kinda want to know this one. Can't guess it.

>> No.2461734

Golden Axe?

>> No.2461783


>> No.2462554

Well I would say Zelda but that first thing you said wouldn't fit.

>> No.2462589

Devil May Cry isn't retro

>> No.2462594
File: 44 KB, 643x482, fto-info-usa.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

wikipedia simulator with smooth jazz

>> No.2462609

He was referring to Ninja Baseball Batmen.

>> No.2462651

You run from the beginning of the level until you reach the end of the level.

A lot of the games, roughly half, are complete trash.

>> No.2464617


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