/vr/ - Retro Games

>the only place where i can safely save all my progress is on the deepest level of this crazy ass dangerous dungeon. not anywhere else, not back in the cozy town i just left before exploring this place, just here right before some big ass monster.

>>2707991
>>2707991
>need to collect over 200 keys to open a single door

>>2708028
>hey frank don't forget to drop the colored keycards all around our base when you get to work today

>Silent hill
>Monsters everywhere
>chasing me
>holding large metal rod for beating creatures to death
>door locked
>need key
>its made of
>guess I'll just die

>>2708039
>its made of glass*

>why use keys when we can use emblems to lock all the doors in our police station? don't forget to teach the new guy how to push the statue correctly when he comes to work tomorrow

>Hey, you know those workers that maintain all of our factories? Let's turn them into popsicles"

>why kill dangerous people who oppose our nazi tyranny when we can just throw them in a prison and keep them well fed and healthy just so some random hero can free them later and recruit them in a quest against us. it's not like we're super evil and never needed a good reason to kill other people anyway

>>2708063
You don't have to reach just because you want to participate in the thread. If you actually played the game, you would know why your post is retarded. It's pointless to have people maintain the factories when all the other meat is going extinct. There are still all the sligs to do the hard labor. I'm so sick of you retarded nerds thinking you're fucking geniuses because you think you found a plot hole that never existed to begin with.

>>2708063
>>2708104
w0t gaem?

>>2708114
abe's odyssey from oddworld probably

>>2708117
Oh, I did play that game, I feel stupid now.

As a kid it bothered me that birds were enemies in games like Ninja Gaiden.

>Age of Empires II
>Controlling longbow archer
>Oh shit a French castle
>Attack anyway
>Move villagers around for 30 minutes
>Longbow archer still shooting
>Castle on fire
>Move villagers around some more for 20 minutes
>Castle destroyed
>fuckyeah.jpg

That's right. A single archer destroyed a castle.

/thread

>>2708083
That's actually sort of realistic.

Your Evil Empire isn't going to be very successful if you kill every single person who opposes you. It's terrible for your image, and it's also economically unfeasible. Executions cost money, and a dead person can't help you make that money back. If you insist on mass-murdering your political dissidents, the best way to do so is by working them to death.

>>2708315
It's not realistic when you kill the protagonist brother because he said THE EMPEROR SUCKS in the streets but still keeps a rebel leader that killed a lot of your men locked and in good shape just waiting for the hero to go there and recruit him

>>2708050
>Who designed this police station? Sarah Winchester?

>>2708315
I don't think Lassic is worried about his image.

>>2708128
Oh man. I was just thinking the other day I wanted a copy of Karateka for the 7800 and the one thing I remember most vividly is kicking those fucking hawks right in the chops.

I thought they were ducks.

GOLDENEYE, look down, no feet.

Death sounds like an angry cow.

>>2708442
>select a red gem in your inventory
>kneel down like 10 seconds
>a wild tornado appears to send you to the next stage....
fuck this shit

I always wondered who was actually supposed to have built all those dungeons in RPGs, such as Landstalker or Zelda, and what their purpose were.

>>2707991
>select a red gem in your inventory
>kneel down like 10 seconds
>a wild tornado appears to send you to the next stage....
fuck this shit

>>2708490
Oh wow. Does /vr/ have a perfect post? I genuinely laughed at that shit for a good two minutes.

>please save us, hero!
>cool, can I have that sword of demon smiting?
>you can't afford it, hero!

Crippling a gigantic battleship makes it deadlier by revealing even more orifices for it to shoot from.

test

>>2708502
Everything explodes in Goldeneye

>hide something from bad guy in room
>have sign saying thing is hidden in room
>bad guy never found it

>>2707991
the most prominent example?
touching spikes even from the side(somethimes, bottom) is lethal, with varying effects ranging from falling over dead to exploding into a shower of red pixels.
I had to wrap my head over said fact when I was a kid.

>keys fit every door
>but only once

What did your character just happen to always conveniently pick up the correct key for the door he is going to open?

>Kill Wolf
>Drops Sword

>Robot as party member
>Gets poisoned by snakes

>Control giant mech of mass destruction
>One laser shot is enough to make any other robots explode
>Can't destroy simple concrete pillars let alone walls

>Choose that sweet F-22 for dogfigthing
>120 Missiles, machinegun has infinite ammo

>Be huge brutish warrior with enough strength to punch gigantic ogres to death with ease
>Can't open wooden door without a key

>Bitten repeatedly by feral zombies who're spreading a terrible virus and also genetic abominations strong enough to kill armored policemen with a single claw swipe
>Guess I'll use this spray can and mixed herbs powder to medicate myself

>Wear armor helmet, and drag along a chainsaw, a pistol, two rifles, a chaingun, a rocket launcher, a plasma gun and a big fucking gun
>Still run 3 times faster than Usain Bolt without showing any kind of fatigue

>Need to use a potion
>Raise it over my head
>Get cured

>Get hit by huge fireball
>My clothes are perfectly fine

>Open door to ancient temple of evil with mystical key
>Can't close it afterwards

>1800
>Get into the castle of powerful vampire
>There are skeletons riding motorcycles inside
>Break walls
>Find hot, perfectly roasted turkey inside

>Ancient galactic being throws a black hole at my robot
>I dodge it

>Character called Red
>Dresses in blue

>Talk to people in a village
>They all say the same fucking lines over and over again

>>2708973
>he doesn't know about the food hidden in ruins walls

i never had to pay for a meal again when i discovered

>>2708083

Wait. What game is this? This is very important.

>>2708973
>Find hot, perfectly roasted turkey inside
*Pizza.

New York style!

>Starcraft
>you don't craft stars.

>>2708997
you do if you're protoss

>>2708158
To be fair, that guy is apparently like 12 feet tall.

>3 foot high fence/blockage
>cant get through

I just dont get it especially in 3d platformers

>kick someone in the shins 10 times
>literally knock them unconscious.

>>2709227
that happens in movies too

>>2708484
magic is never logical

>>2708490
It's obviously rigged with explosives to kill anyone who comes in and sits on it

>>2707991
>know that pesky plumber is coming to get you
>leave power-ups laying around in your castle

for some reason he did better in Mario 1, the final castle 8-4 had no powerups hidden anywhere.

Except in mario 1

>pesky plumber coming to get you
>he previously killed all fake bowsers by dropping them off a bridge into fiery lava
>hang out on a bridge over fiery lava... with an axe at the end that will cut the ropes

>>2708128
They're not just normal birds, they're evil birds brainwashed by the end boss to follow his evil empire

>>2709263
You don't get it, the axe is the bait.
It looks so simple, and he's brimming with confidence after beating the fakes in the same manner

But you, you're no fake. You're motherfucking Bowser. There's no fucking way he will jump over you and drop you in the lava, but he will try because the bait is there. And you will be ready.

>>2708483
I always figured it was one of those things like Indiana Jones or something, they were made and booby-trapped to house treasures and weapons, and in Ocarina Of Time going forward they especially seemed to have specific purposes, from the Temple of Time being a place of worship to the forest temple being some kind of castle or stronghold

>>2709278
>There's no fucking way he will jump over you and drop you in the lava

Well at least he was smart enough to learn a bit and throw hammers so Mario couldn't jump over him as easily

>>2708973
>kill bad guy
>his castle immediately starts crumbling

>>2708973
>Break walls
>Find hot, perfectly roasted turkey inside

Maybe I was overthinking it but this always bugged me

Not just the fact that there's a roasted turkey or ham hock in the walls of a decrepit old castle, but the fact that eating it doesn't make you sick but actually raises your health

How fucking long has it been there? What's the shelf life, like a thousand years? Who even left it there??

Also, every beat-em-up where you destroy a thrash can, find meat/apple inside, and you eat it, and it instantly heals bullet wounds/head trauma

So, in their universe, does getting hurt simply make you hungry instead of actually hurting you?

When you die, does that mean you starved to death?


At least a medkit makes a little bit of sense

>>2709303
They did it as a joke. when you're fighting edie e. in the same game he spits the bubble gum he is chewing into the ground... and you can pick it up and eat it!

>>2708442
That's, like, 90% of all FPS games, tho

>>2708834
IIRC some games try to explain that away with the key breaking or similar.

Most don't even bother adressing it, however.

>>2709312
I think it actually just gives you points instead.

>>2709339
>>2708834
Maybe once the key goes in the keyhole and turns it gets stuck and you have to leave it behind?

>>2709352
Nope, it heals you.

>>2708520
THIS. THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. EVERY FUCKING TIME.

>>2709374
hey man just because you're going to save the world doesn't mean you get to win free shit

they have to feed their children while the world doesn't end in a fiery inferno due to the villain's actions you know

>>2708520
I always figured that, being a mighty hero who can mow through monsters and eat their hearts for health, you can easily take it by force

Still, being an honorable hero, you choose to pay for what you need and forge ahead

>>2709291
>defeat bad guy
>it all crashes down
>he breaks his crown
>he points the finger, but there's no one around
>just wants one thing
>to play the king
>but the castle's crumbling and he's left with just a name

>shoot man
>he explodes
>shoot crate
>it explodes
>shoot chair
>it explodes

>kill cyclop
>it drops two eyes

>quest requires 4 wolf paws
>kill wolf
>it drops 2 wolf paws
>can clearly see wolf has all 4 paws intact

>you're the chosen one who's going to save the universe
>you still need to pay for every single sword and armor

>type in character name at the beginning of the game
>everybody still refers to me with generic titles like hero and warrior

>Renowned researcher can't remember the name of his only grandson

>>2709758
he doesn't give a shit about his grandson

>>2708973
You retarded.

>OH FUCK, A BELMONTS IN THE CASTLE

>DEATH, QUICKLY, HELP ME SHOVE THIS POT ROAST INTO THIS CANDLE

>theres a giant network of caves under your town leading straight to Hell

>like, fire and brimstone Hell

>said caves are absolutely full of nightmarish creatures that thirst for human blood

>theres no less than 4 completely open entrances for them to reach the surface

>a large portion of your town got taken down there and were horrifically butchered

>hurr durr lets stick around a while longer

>be Satan
>a lone super mad guy just shitfucked like 500,000 of your finest warriors and completely wrecked your operation on mars before punching the 50 foot tall spider + brain + machinery abomination you appointed to lead the troops so hard it turned into paste

>lets burn his hometown to the ground and impale his beloved pet rabbit on a spike, that seems like a really good idea

>Be Robotnik
>Make all my bases a random series of tubes and ramps that only Sonic could possibly traverse

save princes
she dont give you pussy

>>2709758
>guy just wins the entire shit
>"lol fuck you another dude won too face him immediately"
>red loses and dont even get to be part of the elite four

>>2708442
>>2709334

>look down.
>only see legs and feet

Where did my fucking torso and pelvis go?!

>>2709817
well princes don't have pussy, usually

>every damn boss with a weak spot....
seriously nigga??

>>2709252
you got a point m8

>>2709758
>implying his birthname isn't Dicks

>Gettin harrased by two fucking powerful unicorn man.
>Stand up against them with your weakest dragon form.
>lose
>some time pass, got two new partners, one has a fricking bazooka and you have more dragon forms
>hiding in a cart, because mafia behind your trail.
>cart is a trap, comes the weakest of the two unicorns alone
>get captured without a fight

>>2708315
>Executions cost money, and a dead person can't help you make that money back.

As opposed to putting them in prison for years? You're confusing the legal system of a totalitarian society with that of a democratic society. The point of political executions is to secure power. The financial cost of doing it would be the least concern. Once political power is secured, the money could easily be made back through taxes and such.

>>2708490
Man, this shit bugged me when I was 13. And I didn't even question why video games did silly stuff then.

>>2709303
http://scrollboss.illmosis.net/mw.php?page=foodmcnasty

http://scrollboss.illmosis.net/mw.php?page=steeldrum

>>2710568
>The point of political executions is to secure power
Yes, but generally a new dictator will execute members of the old government, not some literallywho grassroots rebels.

>>2708502

>Full health
>level up
>not at full health

FUCK. This pissed me off as a little kid and still does. Like, leveling up should mean you're getting tougher and your HP, MP, SP, etc., should be proportionate. Ima go huff into this paper bag until I calm down.

>>2708083
>what are POWs

>>2708490
>it's not okay when daikatana does it

>>2710728
It even happens in tabletops like DnD, even in the later editions.

>you leveled up
>you are now bleeding

>>2710760
not something an evil dictator from a jrpg would be interested in keeping

>the outside world is teeming with dangerous monsters that attack travelers every few steps
>few towns even have guards in them, to speak nothing of fortifications and other defences

>Every town has nothing but an inn, three separate stores that sell nothing but potions, armor and weapons respectively and maybe one-two houses to house the dozens of NPCs mucking about
>The Kingdom is exactly the same as every other town except it has a palace in the north

>Wolves, oozes and other wild animals drop currency when defeated - and though that just might be the heroes selling their hides and meat for money, you can't explain it when they start dropping potions and swords

>Characters who can leap into space to slice a meteor into pieces and throw them down at an enemy (or perform similar feats of strength) can't jump over small ledges or knock simple wooden doors down

>>2710901
Not in DnD, it doesn't. If that's how you played it, your DM is/was an idiot.

>>2708442
Quake 2
stand on an edge, look down, no feet
do a 180 turn on the spot, suddenly floating in the air over the edge

>Retro game logic
>Racing game
>be first in one race
>start last in the next one

>>2709793
>BUT SIRE, ALL THE CANDLES ARE FULL OF HEARTS AND HOLY WEAPONS
>HOW ABOUT I STASH IT IN THE MASONRY INSTEAD?

>my special ability is "suplex"
>use it with a train

>>2707991
To be fair it could have been a bouncing Betty mine

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/S-mine

>>2709384
Reminds me of this.

>>2708973

>>2710939
I always figured there were like thousands of other adventurers wandering the wilderness, and you just almost never run into any of them, and monsters are just indiscriminate eaters who will swallow their wallets whole and get swords and shit stuck in their fur and just leave them there

>>2708490
There is some truth in that. Some Chinese made computer chairs have exploded and tore up people's assholes and killed them. Something to do with the air pressure in the chairs hydrolics.

>>2709659
Where's your crown king nothaaaaannngggg!

>>2713468
well why were they sticking computer chairs up their asses?

>>2713468
>I can't spell
>>2713514
>I don't know how office chairs work

>>2713520
except I do.
The hydraulics in the chair are underneath a good solid couple inches of padding. Even if the whole thing broke, the worse that would happen is you no longer have a working chair and you'd fall to the ground. Maybe fuck up your calves and shins, depending on where your legs were when you sat down and how they exploded.
If it quote "tore up people's assholes and killed them" it's because the hydraulic device was literally inside their ass.

>>2713520
http://gizmodo.com/5157354/boy-killed-anally-when-office-chair-explodes

Not everyone on 4chan lies.

>>2713529
>>2713653
>try to prove me wrong
>just make it worse
The correct response was to recognize that office chairs have PNEUMATIC pistons, idiots. Instead, you got buttflustered and just made your ignorance even more visible. That's what happens when your focus is more on looking right than the possibility that something you said was wrong. Maybe next time.

>>2713743
Not mad. Just used the wrong word. I apologize.

>>2713782
No, I apologize. I've been particularly angry today and decided to be an ass to people to make me feel better.

Friends?

>>2713782
>>2714174
Aww. I love an argument with a happy ending. I hope you feel a bit better now.

On topic: Heroes that supposedly don't kill but still murder every enemy grunt in their path kind of bother me. Do only the bosses deserve mercy? Why would you anguish over killing a boss if you don't give a single shit about all the wildlife and soldiers you killed to reach said boss?

> Fall in water
> Implode

>>2708315
Executions only really have become expensive in the modern days in the US because of the appeals system and the need to kill without causing undue discomfort. If you just shot them in the head with a cheap bullet, the cost of execution would be far cheaper than the cost of keeping a prisoner clothed/fed/sheltered for years.

>>2707991
>mfw hedgehogs really can swim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q6vUEwQ33I

>>2716024
that doesn't really seem like swimming. it's thrashing it's legs to tread water but it doesn't seem to be moving anywhere under it's own power, just kind of floating in place

>>2716184
I think it's swimming just fast enough to keep away from the drain

>>2708031
They were just technomancing demons using the perfect disguise to keep you from shooting them.

>>2709980
>boss has no weak spot, its shoot it until it dies.

>>2716184
That's what swimming basically is.....

>>2708359
I think it used to be a library or museum.

>>2709175
Also, the tank's gun clipped through him so the shell didn't make contact..

>>2713253
My personal favorite

>>2716712
You're a moron

I fucking hate these topics because no one provides fucking names to their examples. Same with the "describe a game in a retarded way" one. Fuck.

>>2713529
You're right I'm sure that's exactly what the guy with the sloppy T shirt and jeans behind the computer was thinking when he clicked the tick box that mades chairs a destructible object.

Fucking godamn fool.

>>2716985

>>2717284
>I hate being reminded that I'm a pleb

>Welcome to my home, how was the drive, would you like a tour?
>I'll make you a drink
>Excuse me while I remove this crest from my mantle, play moonlight sonata in another room, which opens a secret door that holds a room with a golden version of this same crest I took from my mantle, switch the two because if I don't I can't leave because the secret door closes Indiana Jones style if there's not that same shape object in the hole, place the golden crest on my mantle above the fireplace which slides the grandfather clock in the dining, revealing a hole in the wall that contains one of the many different sets of keys needed in my mansion, go upstairs and avoid the giant poisonous snake, grab the wind Crest, and open the door using the other three crests that I got in an exactly as complicated fashion
>And this is the master bedroom, don't you just love the view? I had venetian blinds installed last Tuesday
>Okay dinners ready let's go back to the dining hall but first let me do all those steps in reverse order again

>>2709291
Load bearing villain

>>2716985
the three coolest FF6 characters and the coolest boss

>>2717002
No you are. Trust me I can swim.

>>2717363
Just one fucking question:

Why didn't they get out of the fucking way?

Jesus!

Side-step for Christ's sake. You don't have to fight! Step ASIDE!

>>2717621
>You don't have to fight
why wouldnt you fight a ghost train?

>>2709287
No, but he can run under you when you jump, or if he has a mushroom he can run right through you like a boss.

>>2707991
maybe it was a bouncing betty

>>2713261
>>2717748
Pretty accurate m8s
My personal favorite:

>>2710506
Fuck you, Balio.
Fuck you, Sunder.

>>2717631
I prefer to tickle it to death with a Fenix Down, nobody ever mentions it.

>>2708484
Fuck off, James.