/vr/ - Retro Games

>>10110727
Just the ones in the south.

>>10110727
Bong reviewers are notoriously embarassing.
I would bet my ass that a few pages earlier they were fellating some early 3d game no one remembers anymore.

Britain produced the greatest Saturn magazine. Why don't you read that instead?

they are cheeky little buggers. I remember having one issue of a Nintendo UK magazine, it was much snarkier than Nintendo Power was

>>10110805
>Bong reviewers are notoriously embarassing.

So, just like any reviewers?
Americans can only dream of being this edgy in their "land of free speech".

>>10110805
Have you considered that people in different areas of the world prefer different things?

>>10110727
>Are British people mentally ill?
yes

>meanwhile some vomit colored bongshite amiga shmup with half or less of the gameplay features

Bit sovlful innit? Absolute class this one

>>10110854
No, most reviewers at the time just destroyed any 2d game.

>>10110845
You are right. They were usually bad regardless of time and nationality

>>10110873
>>10110727

Those aren't retro games, mate. You'd have bought a speccy if you weren't such a wanker.

>>10110727
>hating on darius gaiden
FUCK YOU
>>10110873
>hating on megaman x3
FUCKING KYS
>>10110878
>literally blows up in rage like a volcano causing a chain reaction to all volcano on earth

>>10110727
'ate 2D games
'ate Tony Blair
simple as

>>10110878
God, I fucking hate britbongs so fucking much.

>>10110878
>it's raining stockbrokers in Tokyo
Heh...They are fond of suicide, aren't they?

>>10111101
Who, the Japs?

>>10111109
Yeah the people being talking about, durrrrr

>>10110727
Just some humor. No need to take the toy reviews so serious

>>10110873
USA game magazines looked at Mega Man games sort of condescendingly as well but would admit (sometimes begrudgingly) that the games were good to great. Game media in this era was really forward looking and could sometimes be dismissive of anything they didn't think was pushing the envelope. It results in mags around that time giving great scores to garbage 3D0 and first gen PS1 games while ignoring late era SNES classics.

not much more than any american

>>10110805
>Bong reviewers are notoriously embarassing (sic)
Good enough that they didn't turn gamers on to titles that almost killed off an industry. Back to your vacuous 100-word reviews/glorified ads, shit for brains.
>>10110820
Because reality is inconvenient to the drug-fueled American't. It's cope.

>>10110727
Based Brits DEMOLISHING shmup autists.

>>10110727
He is right though, playing without autofire and not understanding the rank system, enemies can be massive bullet sponges

>>10110727
Based bong truthspeaker

>>10110727
Yes they are and I love them for it

>>10110727
>£59.99
>Jap Import

I'm surprised they even bothered to cover it, even if they did spend the whole review writing lame and irrelevant jokes for presumed 19 year old reader.

Mind you, there probably wasn't much else to write about when it came to the Saturn.

>>10111776
>19 year old reader
35 in the U.S.

>>10111250
They don't. 100 word reviews in most of their publications. Such nuance. They're obviously well-informed and have a deep insight into what makes for a quality title. One should scorn such wisdom at their peril...

>>10110727
Years of QA OP does that to you.

>>10110805
Fuck off mate
t. Stuart Campbell

>>10110727
Hard to be enthusiastic about yet another shooter.
We're a beat 'em up nation.

>>10112135
>rough around the edges
>disappointing
>major reservations

still a 5/5?

>>10111732
Bongoloids are on another level, we really should have stopped them from snorting tea leaves when we had the chance.

>>10110727
Nah thats just bong banter.
Mentally ill is modern games "journalism"

>>10112140
Those ones are all gone now, Allah has seen to that

90s Britain was kinda edgey, and everything needed a sexy edge and be taken at face value
Megaman, N64 and anime looked childish, so were assumed to be childish.

2d was to be replaced by 3D Lara Croft and that's it.

Megaman games Shmups are overrated anyway.

>>10112186
Crazy how Britain went from being one of the edgiest cultures in the world in the 1990s/early 2000s to being a puritanical feminist hellscape in the 2020s.

>>10110727
Old Britbong reviews are funny to read now because they were so often full of shit. This guy clearly didn't play past the prologue before turning in his review.

>>10112193
>prop women up as goddesses, pedestalize sex, have young men and boys chase and idolize them
>elevate women into the workforce and pay them handsomely, the aforementioned men will do anything to sleep with them. have quotas, cheat, etc
>beta men face a rapid descent into simping
>completely fuck up family life and devalue workers, especially men
all as planned
sexually explicit stuff like this was only ever okay because it "empowered" women somehow in the eyes of the soft liberal middle class left, most of those men are beta pervert simps and most of the women are very insecure narcissistic cunts trying to pretend they have a personality

>the glass house! the floor strewn with stones! the restless arms! oh my!
>>10112140
>>10112154
>>10112193
Show flag, spineless worm. Do it. 'chan anonymity not enough for you, you little bitch? Fucking pathetic.

>>10110727
this made me rage, darius gaiden is one of the few shmups i actually enjoy playing.

>>10112494
>>prop women up as goddesses, pedestalize sex, have young men and boys chase and idolize them
No, most of the readership were clubbers; young men on the piss looking to dip their wick every weekend. So, not nerdy housebound mongs like you.
>>elevate women into the workforce and pay them handsomely, the aforementioned men will do anything to sleep with them. have quotas, cheat, etc
What the fuck are you talking about? Most of the readership had girlfriends or did the above.
>>beta men face a rapid descent into simping
Any one of those boys would have kicked the fuck out of you and yer gay dad, ponce.
>>completely fuck up family life and devalue workers, especially men
More drivel. You know literally nothing about late 90's/early 2000's bong lad culture.
Do some research and go troll somewhere else, projecting beta cuck fruit.
YWNBAM

>>10110873
We just have never had the patience for sequels that mutts have. We prefer to see new things that try to be unique and creative.

Japs don't have any imagination, but mutts do it for money reasons.

>>10112494
>it's the sexually explicit pictures, films and books fault mainly in and of itself, nothing that is of the fault of anything else norindividual trends and cultural stuff that got mangled along the way!
Fuck off, Bump ass dipshit. NTA, but I honestly disagree with you on erotic content being most let alone all of the problem. Yes, undoubtedly there are many Simps of the lower divisions, and putting sex on such a high pedestal is nonsensical as well as treating celebrities like Gods and the like. This, however is no excuse to go the other direction and put men on pedestals and glorify puritanical chastity crap, while putting sex in a hidden away area. If you want the government to put such draconian and one sided towards men and some idiotic ""purity"" ideals like the current governments of states like Saudi Arabia, Iran, current year Afghanistan, Algeria, Tunisia, Yemen, or stringently Catholic Malta, go ahead and think in black and white binary way of thinking, go ahead, nitwit. No one person is the center of the universe. While it's indeed true how many women in Europe and many in the Americas got fucking narcissistic and self-absorbed as well as became very full of themselves, thus harboring a an often cult like mentality, trust me, going in a vein similar to the Islamic Republic of Iran, UAE, Qatar, or Taliban run Afghanistan is not going to make it better for all. Those countries are indeed closed societies with a closed mind in their own ways.

>>10112443
Paul Rose was one of the pioneers of the tedious "edgy" writing style of UK games coverage. He was a minor celebrity by 2000, so probably thought reviewing shit like that was beneath him.

>>10110912
Of course, you wouldn't have the balls to talk shit to our faces. You can barely pluck up the courage to leave your mother's cum stained basement, eh, bitch?

>>10110727
u wonna fkin fite lad?

>>10110805
ok Tony Blair

>being so shit at the game you "take months" to kill Ancient Dozer
Literally like a 40 second bossfight

That was the era of every British reviewer being some 20 year old complaining that everything that wasn't Tomb Raider looked like a ZX Spectrum game, and trying to be funny about it.

>>10110831
Snark seems to be inherent to UK magazine culture. I think they get it from The Beano.

>>10114381
You aren't mentally ill, but you are certainly full of crap, much like the many Scottish millennials and Gen z folk who don't want to leave the EU and hate brexit so much that they throw milkshakes and tip over trash cans, cars and sometimes even spark riots in the name of their EU masters.

>>10110845
stop crying bean toast eating fag

>>10111732
>She makes us want to cry and we don't know why.

>>10110878
Well, it's funny. So mature, so grown up.

>>10111732
My favorite sonic is shadow sonic.

Good video game journalism was as rare in the 90s as it is now.

>>10114527
>Amy's never been that good to be honest. Unlike Cream the Rabbit, who is amazing. Really amazing.

Men of culture.

>it's an ear thing
highest culture

>>10112443
I used to read OPMUK back in the day and I went through some scans recently, the layouts and images really took me back. Their reviews were shit though, just a really snarky tone throughout a lot of them, it was nice to see their preview articles in retrospect though. The magazine went through a couple of personality changes, it steadily got worse after the millennium though, the issues that came out during the end of the PS1 were fucking depressing.

Inb4 idjikidjik sun

I think somewhere along the way brits decided that "clahssic bri'ish wit" means "just act like a faggot about everything, that makes you cool and funny" and they just rolled with it

>>10114675
Not everyone can be Bernard Manning.

>>10111732
Kek. I'm pretty sure that's Commander Zorg from UK: Resistance. He had a strange obsession with rabbit cunny.
UK:R's worth a read if you want to watch SEGA die in real time and want to relive the mid 2000's UK gaming scene.

>>10112679
Paul Rose has done some funny things but he is utterly arse at reviewing games. Even today.
You can tell that deep down he prefers to be a comedian.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paUSh9a3oLw

>>10110727
>Jap Import
definitely wouldn't get printed today!

>>10110805
>fellating some early 3d game no one remembers anymore.
lol

>>10114527
>>10114637
Well she's Cute and Bunny

>>10114609
In the 90s it was mainly people who simply loved games, even if they weren't great at writing about them. These days it's mostly people who are technically proficient at writing, but hate games and flunked into the industry after their dreams of being a real journalist didn't pan out. There was a period there in the 2000s when a few decent games journalists like Jeff Gerstmann and Tim Turi, but they were panhandling on Youtube and shilling for Sony last I checked.

>>10110854

>>10110727
>>10110805
But seriously, why were they like this?

>>10110727
>Are British people mentally ill

>>10114609
All you had to do was buy an issue of EGM.

>>10114675
Also be incredibly biased for anything British and against anything American.

>>10116385
the britbongs are waking up to this thread. Let's remind them how they all let prince Charles and Jimmy saville diddle little kids in the royal palace. A who new meaning to the term "retro gaming"

>>10110730
Don't lie to them. You know it's a nationwide problem. We have:
>Shit diet because nothing healthy grows in the polluted soil
>Lack of vitamin D since the sun is blotted out 10/12 months
>Have to pay for the privilege of watching propaganda and corporate slop
>Literally illegal to make people uncomfortable, so everyone bottles up their emotions until they snap and deck someone and/or kill themselves
Of course everyone is mentally ill. Only a sociopath could thrive here

>>10111732
>he comes with two tails, and probably therefore two arseholes.

Lol, that was awesome.

>>10116404
>You got a loicense for dat green text
>Dat 'ate speech is a felony
>Sir, you are under arrest for thought crimes against the EU

How was I off topic when the entire fucking thread is about the mindset of UK reviewers?

>americans
>calling anyone mentally ill

>>10116385
>MUH SPECCY! thread no. 264685436906438I've lostfuckingcount
What's it like to have a complete lack of self-awareness?
>>10116382
Tell me where you're from, keyboard warrior. I'd like to compare mental health stats.

>>10116372
Because they're southern.

>>10116510
brainlet doesn't even know when anon is on his side

>>10116350
The real reason why Rayman outsold everything else in the UK is that a copy was included with every PS1 console.

>>10110854
funny that you say that when it is clear that the "reviewer" doesn't understand that not everything has to appeal to him/her and can't differentiate between personal taste and actual quality. But he is a lefty so i am not surprise by his/her closed mindedness.

>>10111536
???? saying games are bad just because they are 2d instead of 3d and not because of their quality is the kind of behaviour that ruined the games industry since devs and publishers get told constantly that they should follow trends and not focus on delivering quality products.

>>10116575
Same with tomb raider if you subscribed to next level

Wotsa best briish game?

>>10116713
Pandora Peaks isn't even British.

>>10110727
they've done you lad
trolled by banter from 30 years ago

British journos. BEST IN THE WORLD

>>10116828
SHUT UP EDDIE

>>10116828
>>10116916
Kek I need to watch this again

Anytime got the scan of the day in the life of a British games mag editor? I think he just consumed loads of cocaine and mars bars or something to that effect

>>10117578
Anyone*

>>10116408
>And the group always ignores that question in interviews...
i hope to god this is true

>>10116510
How's little somalia? Got any good knives left or do you have to use spoons to eat the bugs?

>>10117645
>little somalia
So Biden's America

For me, it's the Sims 2 H&M

>>10117649
I never noticed he still gave it a five.

>>10110727

For me, it's Cruelty Zoo - bought to you by the man who would later write Black Mirror.

>>10117737
Charlie Brooker turned into such an insufferable fuck.

>>10110873
>>10110878
>have to review mega man game
>hand job over to some fag who hates mega man because it's funny
This is proto Polygon hands Hotdogs hand guns and hand grenades to someone with gun related ptsd

>>10117737
UK:R did it better

>>10117645
>little somalia
Our minority problems pale into insignificance when compared to yours. It beggars belief that you'd use racial demographics as a club to beat anyone with. Incredible.
>Got any good knives left, etc...
Way things are going, I'll asking you that question soon enough. Your criminals aren't just going to hand over their weapons like everyone else will, by the way. And then there's the insanity that is every criminal gang south of the border. No guns to defend yourselves? They're going to swarm you. Enjoy being bullet heaven Mehico mk. 2, ese.

>>10116815
>I was only pretending to be retarded 30 years ago

>>10112135
Beatem up are Double Dragon and such

>>10117854
Yes. There's lots of beat 'em ups.

>>10117854
no those are thump n' whumps

>>10117854
>Double Dragon
I liked that in the arcades.

>>10110727
>Are British people mentally ill?
I wonder
>>10116701
>>10115101

>>10110727
Hardly anyone appreciated how much closer to arcade perfect the 5th gen systems could get. People just thought 2D looked last gen.

>>10111284
That shit really harmed game development. Their mentality of pushing only what was brand new (I wouldn't be surprised if it was an agenda), regardless of quality, created a situation in which was financially better to make innovative crap than to improve what we already had. Of course, there were great innovative games, but quality was an afterthought in the media, only new technology mattered. Not that today is any different, but back then we really lost more, possibilities were better.

>>10117703
It's 5%. Hogarty got absolutely bollocked for the review leading to this follow-up.

>>10118118
>(I wouldn't be surprised if it was an agenda),
It 100% was.
Who do you think was buying ADs and providing free copies of said games to the publications?
Reviewers being bought out is not a recent thing, its ALWAYS been a thing.

>>10118221
>'ere's your review guvna, thaht will be 100 quid

>>10118240
Sure, but it wasn't as widespread as it currently is

>>10111732
>buy sonic advance 2, it's the best 2d sonic of them all
brb sending this to every sonic autist I know

>>10117578
got you senpai
this bloke still writes apparently, he was also behind the comical reviews of those two bum expansions for the sims 2.

>>10118349
probably was, amigeer mag wrote that "pound of flesh" article 30 years ago now

>>10118349
...It was and always was
The only reason you notice now is due to the internet

>>10118462
A few years before I gave up on modern gaming, I had started to look at previews and gameplay videos only. From there, I tried to judge if the game was worth a buy. If I fucked up, it was my fault alone. Unfortunately (and I really mean it), you can't trust the media. It could have been so much better.

>>10110727
>Tony Blair sucks on the Flesh of Dead Children!
What did he mean by this?

That's British journalism in general. You might have noticed that Daily Mail links/screenshots are pretty common online, and screenshots of opinion articles from the Guardian get mileage on this site. It's all about what generates seethe with a hint of snark, whether you like the content or not. It's not just those two, the Daily Telegraph puts out similar opinion pieces like the Guardian these days (except right-of-centre) and they're always featured prominently on the websites home page. British mainstream papers in general are filled with so much seethe-inducing snark on any topic (not just video games), people look to BBC News to be as neutrally safe as possible.
If you ever watched Top Gear when Clarkson, Hammond, and May (all journalists) did car reviews, they weren't afraid to add great big lashings of seethe and snark. Clarkson would often say the Vectra was the worst car of all time for example, and it successfully caused seethe in people who just thought "but the Vectra's fine???" Some industry-specific snark (e.g. reviewing cars, or indeed videogames) can be due to the industry in question being considered "infra dig", hence the tone you see throughout the articles posted ITT.
The hyperbole is how our media has become so globally successful, and is a core part of our services economy.
t. journalist in the UK

It's strange going through this thread and not seeing (I think) a single screenshot from the Official Playstation Magazine (also the official PS2 one) which was still often filled with snark.

>>10119612
Fuck them, those tasteless faggots gave Medievil 7/10

>>10118812
Spot on

>>10119783
>UK: "unlike dumb Americans, we have culture"
>UK newspapers:

>>10119791
>>10119783
Was the one with burglars getting buttfucked from a bong rag too?

>>10119791
Sunday Sport isn't really a newspaper, it's satire.

>>10119803
yeh

>>10119791
the Daily Sport is basically the british Weekly World News

>>10112186
was it the Britpop getting to their heads?

>>10119791
>Hegemonic meme format

>>10110854
sounds xenophobic

>>10110727
>Reads OP's and everyones crazy reviews...

dafuq were these guys high on?

>>10110727
reviewer was right with the score. it's a terrible game.
>>10116372
because that's the kind of obnoxious humour that was tolerated in british publications. a poor attempt at trying to be relatable to the reader. not much has changed in that regard. if you want a good example visit tech site "the register".

>>10119791
>implying that's not culture

>>10112186
>>10120110
> 90s britian
no, it's always been like this. people born yesterday don't remember what it was like before the 2000s.

>>10110727
So the labour party were 100% correct? Everyone being perpetually hooked to the internet has been a ducking disaster for the human race. Everyone is addicted. Most people literally cannot go one single day without their smartphone and the internet these days.

>>10122495
Pretty much, but every boomer was saying this at the time and they were so hysterical about it that no one took it seriously. Labour loses points for essentially making swearing in public illegal in the early 2000s

The entire thread is off topic, so don't you fucking dare.