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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.8963645 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

/tg/, what does it feel like to hold an eldar farseer in your arms?

>> No.8963665

Ever hugged a really tall bony woman?

>> No.8963671


>> No.8963691

feels good man

>> No.8963698


>> No.8963701

Eldar Autarch here.

Have you ever dated the most bitchy women in the world? All right, give her powers to see into the future.

Yeah. Not so "hot" now eh Mon-keigh?

>> No.8963737

Well she is a about a head taller than you and your face is right near the only fat on her body, everything else feels a little to hard and prominent.

>> No.8963744

like cold metal and icy indifference

>> No.8963746








>> No.8963759

this is my fetish

>> No.8963765

>Imlying you can blend an eldar
Pffff ahahaha.

Chaos has trouble doing it.

>> No.8963767

Feels like nothing at all!

>> No.8963775

Good thing for me...

>> No.8963788

... 'cause I've got a warm heart.

>> No.8963789



>> No.8963793

What's it like to hold a Mon-keigh in your arms?

I've heard they a bit more squeezable then Eldar women.

>> No.8963798

They're pretty flexible actually, you just have to get them in t-oh you meant mentally.

>> No.8963805


>> No.8963819


>Will it blend?

>> No.8963822

I hear it said some Dark eldar skanks enslave Mon-keighs becuase of a obscene muscle fetish.

>> No.8963842

> blend an eldar

Why do I have the mental image of the adeptus mechanicus making a giant blender and throwing elder into it?

>> No.8963846

You'd have to ask LIIVI but the guy ain't so good with words.

>> No.8963861





>> No.8963863

Well how else are you going to separate the blood from tissue to do research?

>> No.8963865

as it should be.

>> No.8963926

What happens if the Emperor awakes and reveals his long term mistress is an Eldar farseer?

>> No.8963950

Probably not any larger civil war than would happen anyway.

>> No.8963960

Everyone shrugs and goes "Hail the God Emperor".
He's the Emperor he can do whatever he wants.

>> No.8963968

> implying anyone would defy the Emperor unless chaos tainted


>> No.8963978

... A needle?

>> No.8964023

Are you kidding? It happens all the time. Just look at these fuckers.

>> No.8964030

"En-engagement of intimacy Pattern Hug? Feelings of... duty. Negative. Not duty. Duty is role given. Pattern Hug is the role wanted? No. Just a part of greater purpose. A... gun's recoil is satisfaction brief. Pattern Hug is satisfaction lasting. Without casualties, but secondary objective is to remind that casualties are necessary to protect.

The smell of designated love when so close? As though time-something was lost and has been found again."

>> No.8964046


Well yes.

>> No.8964065

>/tg/, What does it feel like to hold a woman in your arms?

Fixed your post OP.

>> No.8964079

Thats extra heretical

>> No.8964105

Spill story now, what is it like to hug a girl?

>> No.8964108


>> No.8964124

Like... holding a bag of sand.

>> No.8964148


Oh you.

>> No.8964163

Is it warm sand like you find under the glare of the sun, or cold sand like the beach at night?

Also, what grit?

>> No.8964186

A fine sand, warm, but not hot. And there is a chicken wife lattice inside of it to keep it's shape.

>> No.8964204

like holding pure smug

>> No.8964284

I read that as "holding pure smog"

>> No.8964342


I read that as "holding pure smaug"

>> No.8964369

Could be worse. Could have been holding pure smeg.

>> No.8964378

I don't know nor do I need to know what it's like to touch one, a xenos is a xenos and the eldar are the worst of them all!

>> No.8964394

No, that's what SHE gets to hold.

>> No.8964424

How can eldar be worse then orks or tyranids?

>> No.8964432

Its like holding garbage.

>> No.8964439

Orks and tyranids want to kill you, but they're honest about it.

Eldar LIE.

>> No.8964472

I like where this thread is going.

>> No.8964477

Eldar don't give off the vibe they're superior and want to kill off everyone else? Since when?

>> No.8964490


>> No.8964491



The Eldar are selfish, deceitful and vain. They ruined a once great galaxy and they still cling to life even though they deserve to be wiped out. I got millions upon millions of dead people on Armageddon you can ask about why the Eldar are bad.

>> No.8964493


>> No.8964513

"S- stupid mon'keigh... I'm only fighting alongside you because it's more advantageous to us... N- Not because we like you or anything! Got that?!"

>> No.8964539

if humanity wiped out the eldar then they wouldn't get to enjoy eldar slavewomen

>> No.8964548

See. Death is too good for them. You really need to /d/egrade any Eldar you capture.

>> No.8964551

depends on the craft worlds culture, some would probably be good bros if the more extremist farseers did not fuck it up.

>> No.8964553


Drop dead you cunt

>> No.8964598

I am a beautifu and genderlessl ork warboss, i need to whiny women in my arms.

>> No.8964604

You know out there some eldar farseer has a fetish for Mon'Keigh men and the taboo nature of having sex with them.

>> No.8964617

>/tg/, what does it feel like to hold an eldar farseer in your arms?
Like 95 pounds of heresy.

>> No.8964632


sadly this isn't the 1st edition, now that shit is heresy.

>> No.8964650

its not heresy if no one finds out about it

>> No.8964658

Wasn't someone writing a fapfic where some human was blackmailing an Eldar chick into being his slave in exchange for not destroying her Soulstone?

>> No.8964679

Well... 3 things could happen, Xboxhueg war with the eldar
peace with the eldar
or a civil war within the eldar craftworlds .

>> No.8964705

I'm pretty sure the imperium could use the orkz by showering them with shiny crap and hired them as mercs to send to the eye of terror so they break everything there

>> No.8964748

Thats rape. /tg/ I am disappoint.

I'd rather read about consentual sex in the missionary position between a human and an eldar in love.

>> No.8964763

But it's not rape if it's an Eldar, right?

>> No.8964780

It's not gay if it's and eldar
i think you mistook that with
It's not rape if they didn't say no/they are willing

>> No.8964794

I was under the impression that an Eldar's bodily fluids(saliva, etc.) were toxic to humans, or at least that's the impression I got when one of the eldar spat on one of the sisters in the Blood Raven's omnibus and it turned that part of her face red.
Not sure how that goes over in the other stories.

>> No.8964814

full body condom

>> No.8964817

Maybe human blood likes eldar spit so it rushes to where the eldar spat?

>> No.8964837

The Vindicare training procedure... they are sent to the assassin temple on Earth on a shuttle filled with what he is told are fellow trainees, but are all regular assassins sent to kill him. If he fights his way through those, he finds the pilot has already bailed out. If he lands safely, he finds that every imperial guardsman within 10 miles is ordered to shoot him on sight. If he finds his way to the Vindicare temple, he meets his instructor, who will empty his clip at him at some point during his introduction, etc. Then he is required to fight his way onto an Eldar Craftworld armed only with a power condom and seduce a Farseer while 100 wraithlords and aspect warriors are firing on him

>> No.8964848

maybe they can choose to spit acid like the spess mehreens?

>> No.8964853

if I was a better writer I would write a story about a dark eldar and her slave and their extremely unhealthy but loving relationship.

>> No.8964855



well, depending on the girl

>> No.8964868

There would be no vindicares is that was true

>> No.8964892

Well the IG sucks and Eldar women are easy, I say its a fair test

>> No.8964902

"Memoirs of Asdrubael Vect's Slavegirl."

>> No.8964912

ok I keep on seeing references made to this love blooming on battlefield and this stuff.. where is that from?

>> No.8964924

Creed may be around, you never know
And that's a dirty generalization that should be applied to dark eldar

>> No.8964947

old writefaggotry

>> No.8964950

Elder Farseers drop their panties for any good looking mon'keigh with some talent.

>> No.8964951


>> No.8964969

its from Dark Heresy: Ascension

>> No.8964982

So there are no ugly vindicares
Creed is still a posibility!

>> No.8964985

thank you sah

>> No.8965010

That is a complete and utter lie.

We make sure we're some place private.

>> No.8965017

The runes were cast, the paths of fate were spread before her and Farseer Idranel of Ulthwe saw bloodshed and suffering besetting worlds in a prelude to an alien feast. Her predictions had held true with typically unerring accuracy, and now her force was set to war.

"Who have they sent?" The Farseer asked as her seer stones floated gently down into her palm again, one at a time. The Warlock who had barely even entered the room paused a moment, wondering if he had walked in on something. His helmet hid his smile at his own response when realizing Idranel had simply seen him coming.

"The monkeigh response is small. A handful of Space Marines... The Blood Ravens" The Warlock reported, his battle-honed mind immediately sensing the change in the air.

"Then there should not be a problem. Their numbers are too small, they will not effect any change in our plans" Idranel stated with a veneer of calm, letting each stone fall from her hand into a pouch at her side.

"Even so, we should be wary" The Warlock counselled, "They have after all defeated Macha of Biel-Tan, as well as both Taldeer and C-"

"I am well aware of the Blood Raven's record with defeating those of our race incapable of keeping their ceremonial robes on" Idranel sharply interrupted, "Which is why I am promoting a radical new battle plan to defeat them amongst our own"

In spite of the sense that he would regret the question, the Warlock pressed to enquire what his Farseer meant.

"If you see a Monkeigh, an Ork or even a Tyranid? Kill it. DON'T TRY TO FUCK IT" and with those final words the satchel of seer stones were hurled against a nearby wall, sending the durable stones skittling out the top and all over the room, and in a moment the rictus of rage on Idranel's face softened back to one of stern command again, "Do I make myself clear?"

"Like the Dome of Seers" The Warlock answered, popping his collar up, "Crystal".

>> No.8965026

The fuck you know, harlequin

>> No.8965072

I thought spess mehreens didn't fuck.

>> No.8965078

Also, Orkz and Tyranids? are you serious?

>> No.8965079

The next LCB: Seducing Idranel

>> No.8965110

They don't. The /tg/ reference is that Macha chases illicit monkey love but cannot get it, Taldeer shacked up with a Vindicare, and Caedrys or whatever her dumb name is took after Taldeer.

>> No.8965129

As the forces of Ulthwe emerged from the webway, Farseer Idranel leaned her light frame back against a tree and conversed via helmet link with the rangers who had come to the planet weeks in advance.

"My predictions foretold of a large garrison that needs to be destroyed" Idranel explained, "You tell me you have found it?"

"Yes my Farseer" the gentle, soft voice of the lead ranger answered, "A base of monkeigh citizen-soldiers. They seem alert as well. Listening in, it may be due to our presence on nearby worlds. I'll direct our listening equipment through so you can hear for yourself"

There was a gentle click, and then clear as though they were there themselves the voices of conversing PDF guards began to be heard.

"So seriously, Eldar?"

"That's what they're sayin'"

"Oh man, seriously? I've seen holo-vids about them. They're lead by these psychics, and apparently the bigger their breasts the more powerful they are"

"Grox shit"

"It's totally true. Thing is, one look at human warrior and these bitches practically SHED their armour"

Minutes later, the Warlock emerged with several Guardian guided Bright Lance grav-platforms moving behind him. Idranel directed the battery to set up, and aim at a single point high up in the sky.

At a signal all fired at once, brilliant beams of light stabbing out into the sky, converging on something unseen.

Soon after the sight of a small speck billowing smoke became visible, streaking through the sky and disappearing down amongst the mountains. Where the PDF base was, the Warlock noted to himself.

"The monkeigh base has just been hit by one of their shuttles crashing" the lead ranger suddenly announced, "The base is in a panic"

"Kill any of the primitives you see moving" Idranel stated coolly, "We shall move on to the next objective"

>> No.8965140

Idranel's dead sirrah. Ain't no seducing where she went.

>> No.8965215

Remember, Macha can still have a nice day as long as she doesn't go for sex. Head for the beach and get a tan? Sure> Chase some ass? LULZ!

>> No.8965259

We really need to get Macha laid

>> No.8965261

Somehow I'm imagining a fapfic where Macha is kidnapped and sold to a Dark Eldar slavelord, who promptly chains her up and keeps her in a chastity belt...and mocks her for never being able to get it.

>> No.8965314

Brilliant, she cant even touch herself. She tries to desperately grind it against stuff and stick things in it out of frustration.

>> No.8965322

There is a comic where when captured by the Dark Eldar Macha learns that their city is powered by frustration and masturbation.

>> No.8965351

Never happened on modern fluff.

Happened before on Rogue Trader. But in there, Eldar were allies.

>> No.8965361

And just for fun, she gets to witness the numerous depraved (or even casuals) acts performed in front of her. The best part would be everything, the initial abduction, being toyed with, the Dark Eldar joking about the fun they'll have with her, and her expectations rising...

Alternatively, Looted Macha is fun. Pic related.

>> No.8965371

Well, just wake the Emperor up.

>> No.8965376


>> No.8965414

This one?

>> No.8965427

Would if the void dragon didn't brainwash techpriests and they actually knew how the fuck shit worked

>> No.8965441


>> No.8965446

There was a sense of something strange in the air, and then the Warp Spider Exarch's form filled it as he leapt back to Farseer Idranel's side. For her part, the Eldar seer had finished divining their next best course of action, and their combined intelligence would see to their next path.

"The Orks only have rudimentary guard posted" The Exarch stated flatly, "If we move now we can take them all by surprise"

"Very well" Idranel nodded, "Set our forces up as per the command feed I'll give you shortly, we will put the barbarians out of our misery"

"So you won't be asking us to take one alive for you?" The Exarch quipped, and against all better sense continued when he saw Idranel's face twist into annoyed confusion, "Well, you are a Farseer of Ulthwe. They figure if you don't care for the monkeys you might have green fever"

"Just go and be ready" Idranel sighed, subtly pressing a few buttons before feeding the command positions to the Exarch, "We have no time for such ridiculous indulgences"

The battle progressed precisely as planned, though the Exarch never saw them progress that far, the Warlock finding him lying face down on the ground with a large trukk tire running over the back of his armour. The by-product of teleporting to the precise location at the precise time directed by his Farseer.

"... you knew... she'd do that... didn't you?" the Exarch gasped as the Warlock helped him to his feet.

"I didn't need seer powers to know that, no. Next time you take up one of our dares, jump in a little to the left" The Warlock answered simply, his collar popping of its own accord.

>> No.8965977

>jump in a little to the left
>to the left


>> No.8966109

Perhaps, but I doubt it. I said pretty clealy that it was toxic, but who knows?

>> No.8966158

I think they can, since they used to be allies in the old rogue trader stuff, being toxic to the other race can ruin relationships

>> No.8966272

Damn, with speaking mannerisms like that, I think LIVII can headshot Lucius the Eternal and not change into him afterwards

>> No.8966313


OC or is this from something?

>> No.8966362

OC. I wrote it on a whimsy and also because I miss Bloomwriter.

>> No.8966376

dead or alive:
alive: power fist to her face -> see dead.

>> No.8966476


LIIVI has an idea. Man, haven't seen LCB in a long time. Gotta go back to 1d4chan.

>> No.8968029


so glad i found this, despite the fact that it's obviously unfinished.

>> No.8968274

Oh it was finished. But no one saved the ending so nobody can truly ever know what happened...

>> No.8968345


I squeezed her blood out...

>> No.8968364

I thought miko and bloomwriter stopped collaborating and trolls started writing there own ending.

>> No.8968384

Oh no, it ended. It definitely ended. There was even a little continuance on a tale that picked up the scent before that too stopped.

>> No.8968420

i see art by this guy a alot and want moar

>> No.8968431

If their was an ending why was it not saved? Tragedy of the commons? I have seen /tg/ save the stupidest of copypasta.

>> No.8968476

That's Chink. Everyone thought he was dead, but he's alive and occasionally posting Blazblue stuff to his Pixiv account.

Someone else will have the link to his old site but mostly his stuff is scattered about the ether.

I love him.

The finale wasn't posted to /tg/ and predated the sup/tg/ archives and 1d4chan.

>> No.8968511

if it was not posted how do we know it existed?

>> No.8968554

Because it was seen but no one thought to save it then went "Oh shit I saw that and didn't save it!"

>> No.8968559

Eww! Too much flesh! Give me a woman that is at least 60% machine. Ah, the beauty of steel...

>> No.8968566

Where did they see it IRC?

>> No.8968568

Additionally witness statements concerning how the ending progressed were corroborated with the short-lived continuation.

>> No.8968631

It feels wonderful! I have a Farseer as a mate, were going to have a child soon (within 150 years)--I just have to give her my seed another 50 times.

>> No.8968639

Chink http://www.sendspace.com/file/8ap7u6 for my folder.

>> No.8968670


>> No.8968685

...Okay, what.

Who the fuck is Bloomwriter? I thought it was all just Miko?

>> No.8968702


That actual writer of the writefaggotry.

Miko did the art, and probably helped some with the idea, but didn't do any of the actual writefaggotry.

>> No.8968714

Like holding the Grail of struggling flesh, rushing hot fluids and cut orifices...like kneeling before an altar of your beloved deity in worship.

>> No.8968776

> Imagining the Emperor somehow having a half-eldar child--with god tier psychic powers---with his Farseer Mistress...


>> No.8968915


>> No.8969055



>> No.8969079

That would be so awesome

>> No.8969107

The fat and greased hands of the bored nobility danced across the terminals of their private quarters, the decadent and selfish barely aware of the conflict raging across Meridian. All were focused on the discussion their Nobilis Communion Terminal System regarding the rumours of aliens.

+++I hear the women of the Eldar are arrogant and haughty things until they catch sight of a human barely clothed+++ claimed NOBLE654

+++It’s true. I saw a vid-log of “Decadent Rogue Trader Mathaniel the Eldar-Breaker”, though it’s all acted out I hear-tell it’s the true story of how he bed a bunch of their screamers+++ Added HAXIFLONBABE.

+++I AM THE INQISITON YR ALL UNDER ARREST+++ trolled some other goon.

+++Perhaps this “farseer” the administratum won’t stop barrelling on about would permit to placing herself upon my most noble cock? It might put some weight on her washboard chest+++ EldarFucker345XXNaruto declared.

>> No.8969113


>>bend Eldar to the will of the Emperor

*cough* heresy *cough cough*

Eldar is for killan.

>> No.8969115

Then all at once there was a flicker, a groan, and then the dead static of every single terminal of the nobility coming to ruin. Screams echoed throughout the upper echelons of Meridian, and the Planetary Governor was swamped with entreaties to call for the Blood Ravens to purge “the everything” until their lines got fixed.

Idranel stood with her arms folded as the Warlock entered their hidden quarters upon Meridian’s slum-zones. At her feet he idly tossed a messy and molten pile of severed old wires.

“Their tertiary communication lines have been cut, and as we speak the rangers will have finished placing the demolition charges on their database server” The psychic warrior Eldar explained, as he massaged his popped collar.

“Excellent” Idranel stated, before walking back out through the doorway. In the distance, a great plume of blue fire scorched a greater section of the Meridian superstructure. The Warlock watched from behind as Idranel threw her arms out either side of herself, and basked in the light of victory. Then after a moment longer the Farseer composed herself, and turned back.

“Right... well... let’s go over our next plan”

>> No.8969126

With all due respect Inquisitor, the Monodominants do not dictate orthodoxy...

>> No.8969140

Man, Idranel's gotten pretty obsessed about this. She must be hella wedged in the closet.

>> No.8969157

It's a direct backlash that occurred in response to people wanting to make her precisely like the other Farseers of the DoW series. That is, honking on human dick in a tsundere fashion.

>> No.8969183


>> No.8969200


Look, buddy, the Imperial Creed isn't exactly hard to understand when it comes to filthy Xenos.

Eldar? Kill it.
Tyranid? Kill it.
Ork? Kill it.
Tau? Well you get the idea.

Dealing with heretics is similarly straightforward. Which is why I just pressed this little red button that tells a bunch of pissed off Grey Knights to teleport here and start purging everything in a five mile radius.

I just realized I forgot to wash my dog, peace.

>> No.8969229

Possibly lots and lots of drool from her part.

Pariah gene and all that shit.

>> No.8969246

Actually you just teleported your dog here.

Aw who's a cute little doggy woggy *BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM*

>> No.8969283

You're wasting the services of Grey Knights on a bunch of miserable half-arsed heretics? HERESY!

>> No.8969321

Some of the (admittedly older) fluff mentions half-eldar.

Besides if her cheek turned red won't it have been from anger/embarrassment?

>> No.8969334

They weren't in rogue trader.
They were for friend makan and killan 'nids with the IG

>> No.8969337


its... beautiful

holy emperor i'm going to have to fap to this

>> No.8969357

That.... is pretty good reasoning...

>> No.8969494

Like holding a very sinewy bag of antlers.
One that regards you with cold disdain and can kill you with its mind powers.

>> No.8969545

i think it's a hod sinewy bag of antlers....

>> No.8972259

Ahh she has such a perfect eldar body. Slender with small breasts.

brb fappin

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