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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.8476567 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

ITT: Things you are never allowed to do at the playing table.(RPGs or Wargames)

I am never allowed to play a Paladin/Ranger and scream "IT'S MORPHIN TIME!" every time we enter combat.

>> No.8476582

I'm not allowed to tell the druid to Transform and Roll out. OBLIGATORY

>> No.8476605

pour candlewax on others

still allowed to pour it on myself

>> No.8476606

I'm not allowed to scream "FALCON PUNCH!" or yell any other Captain Falcon related quotes while playing a monk.

>> No.8476608

I'm not allowed to play anymore because of my shenanigans.

>> No.8476618

Play psionics..

>> No.8476623

>>8476608
;_;

I am not allowed to play a Kobold Paladin of Bahamut that rides a Dire Badger because of /tg/.

>> No.8476627

I'm not allowed to strap thunderstones to the bottom of my soles, and pretend to kick people like the fist of the north star.

Or go "WATATATATATATATATATATATA!"

>> No.8476634

not allowed to shout " (whateverthefuck) i chose you ! "

when I summon stuff

>> No.8476654

>>8476623
I tried to sew Orcs together and cast Raise dead on them. That failing, I kept all my shit inside it and dragged it around. I wasn't allowed to play Paladins after the first couple sessions either.

>> No.8476656

I'm not allowed to animate a house, and lure children inside.

>> No.8476658

I cannot play a character named Uncle Grandfather.

I'm not allowed to have Improvised Weapons and Weapon Focus: Halfling

>> No.8476661

No longer allowed to scream SHINING FINNNGGEEERRRRRRR when I attack.

>> No.8476673

Not aloud to encourage the monk to take levels in warlock just so he can scream "KAMEHAMEHA" when he uses eldritch blast.

>> No.8476682

I'm no longer allowed to rape the maids.

>> No.8476697

I tried to play a Barbarian Bard that sung lyrics to Amon Amarth songs mid battle. Idea was shot down before it ever hit table.

>> No.8476701

>>8476618
>>8476618
>>8476618

>> No.8476707

I'm not allowed to play a werebear Monk/Reaping Mauler named Victor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjnuVFmiDfM

>> No.8476708

Played a Jewish gnome. The DM ripped the sheet up after about an hour of me doing really bad stereotypical Jewish impressions.

>> No.8476711

No longer allowed to play as a mage under any circumstances.

>> No.8476715

I am no longer allowed to inform the party that "THIS METHOD OF (skill check) HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS!" whenever I make a critical success.

I am also no longer allowed to give defeated monsters a chance to atone for their crimes through meaningful work and helping others.

>> No.8476719

im not allowed to roleplay seduction beyond the introductory one-liner and subsequent dice roll.
doubly so if said seduction leads to sex.
triply so if the DM has to shut me up by throwing dice, rulebooks and ashtrays at me to stop describing how i'm getting the bar wench to choke on my barbarian's 12 inch meat mallet.

>> No.8476722

>>8476618
And nothing of value was lost
>>8476658
Just play as a drunken master. I'm pretty sure that would be covered by what they can do

>> No.8476738

>>8476627

I always wondered if i could make a sword with a small section to put thunder stones in. In theory, the first strike with the sword would stun all enemies. Hopefully the PC could build up some kind of immunity over so many uses/

>> No.8476740

>>8476708
On a similar vein, I'm not allowed to run wuxia inspired games. It ends in horrible faux-chinese accents.

>> No.8476743

I'm not allowed to smoke weed as a barbarian.

DM ruled it would prevent me from raging.

>> No.8476755

I'm not allowed to ever again play Atomic Highway.
Particularly as "Captain Walker" (Bonus for whoever gets the reference) of the Gyrocpoter 'First light'

-No more inbred Werewolf Hill Billies.

-No Mexican Were-Hippos.

>> No.8476759

>>8476738
Theres a chance the sword would blow up.

I don't know the blast power of them though, and either way you'd hurt yourself.

Unless of course, you used a spear...

>> No.8476765

>>8476658
UNCLE GRAMPA

>> No.8476768

I'm also not allowed to name my Barbarian Gorbachev, so that my friend can order me to bust down walls.

>> No.8476771

I am no longer allowed to attack windows.

>> No.8476772

I'm not allowed to say KOKOU DESKA whenever I use wind magic.

>> No.8476784

Not allowed to use that spell that creates permanent vegetable matter to run the drug trade.

As a Neutral Good character.

>> No.8476806

I'm not allowed to make tiny soldiers out of silver then animate objects them for my own tiny hammer army.

>> No.8476807

Not allowed to play a pacifist NPC class.

>> No.8476815

Not allowed to play a black character

AND THE TWIST: It's because I DIDN'T play them as a racist caricature, DM thought I was playing them wrong

>> No.8476821

Im not allowed to play.. dont have enough players.

>> No.8476827

I am no longer allowed to play the following alignments:
LG, LN, LE, NE, CE, CN, CG, TN

>> No.8476856

>>8476827
So you're only allowed Neutral Good? wow.

I'm not allowed to play Chaotic Neutral Pixies who are Rogues.

>> No.8476861

I'm no longer allowed to argue with random townsfolk about their improper grammar.

If I'm playing a shooty campaign, I'm not allow to murder other PC's because they ask for a clip.

>> No.8476871

>>8476844
As NG? I think you may have erred

>> No.8476875

I am not allowed to play a succubus, after asking for a bonus to a seduction check if I gave the DM a blowjob.

>> No.8476876

Not allowed to play Warforged Monks who take everything out with RIDER KIIIIIICCKKKKK!!!!!

Not allowed to name my character Giygas.

Not allowed to shout FORM OF...." when transforming as a Druid.

>> No.8476896

>>8476768
SO FUKKEN LOLD

>>8476784
This is so unbeliavebly awesomely genious.

I'm not allowed to yell "GOOD UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER" with my paladin as I Smite Evil.

>> No.8476905

I'm not allowed to spend twenty minutes justifying rape as a Paladin.

>> No.8476921

No longer allowed to use the word "defenestrate"

>> No.8476928

>>8476623

Nor are you allowed to play pixies, faggot.

>> No.8476943

>>8476875

My woman asked me that before. Needless to say, she didn't get the bonus but ended up blowing me anyway. XD

>> No.8476958

>>8476875
>>8476875
Hoping to death you're a woman

>> No.8476960

>>8476856
LG - "Stop being a stupid moral fag"
LN - "Stop being so stubborn"
CG - "Stop trying to ruin the story by not helping the king"
TN - "You're the heroes, you're supposed to be prepared to risk your life all the time" and "Why don't you care?" Basically he hates it when I play a character without a strict sense of right who just wants to make it through this world in one piece.
LE, NE, CE - "Stop being a jackass"
CN - "Stop being ranDUMB"

>> No.8476963

>>8476928
Shut up Stephen.

>> No.8476975

I'm not allowed to make any character that has flavor, or something interesting about it, quirks, or is of a nonPHB race.

>> No.8476976

>>8476921
Why not, it's such an adorable word?

>> No.8476980

>>8476958
Almost there. Taking hormones and I have the surgery lined up in about a month.

>> No.8476996

Not allowed to play a Warforged warlock when it is obvious I am only doing so as a way of using Eldritch Blast to impersonate Mega Man.

>> No.8476999

I'm not allowed to play druids with permanently invisible animal companions named "Biteme"

>> No.8477000

>>8476960
>CG - "Stop trying to ruin the story by not helping the king"
Surely proper motivation (ie money would help that)
>TN - "You're the heroes, you're supposed to be prepared to risk your life all the time" and "Why don't you care?"
You mean.. the DM doesn't want to you to be boring?

>> No.8477003

>>8476980
Well, good luck with that.

>> No.8477006

>>8476958

There's nothing wrong with blowing a guy.

>> No.8477009

How about something that WILL be disallowed from the gaming table?

My character recently acquired about 60 bottles of alchemist fire, and a couple barrells of tar and stuffed them in a bag of holding.
Any suggestions on something I can do with that once before it's banned?

>> No.8477028

what a great thread

>> No.8477036

>>8477009

Destroy a city, probably.

>> No.8477040

>>8477009
Fly over a city, open it, and drop it all out?

>> No.8477041

>>8477006
Once you suck dick, you won't go back.

>> No.8477046

I am not allowed to have ranks in Profession(Lawyer).

Apparently, the Miranda Laws don't exist in D&Dland.

>> No.8477047

I'm not allowed to make puns anymore. After the party accepted a job to clear out a den of werewolves, I said "It looks like things might get a little hairy" and the DM threatened to drop a rock on my character's head if i ever did it again.

>> No.8477057

>>8477009
60 bottles of alchemists fire won't do anything, 6000 bottle of alchemists fire, now we're talkin

>> No.8477074

>>8476996

Oh my god, that's awesome

>> No.8477078

>>8477009
Put an explosive rune in the bag and have it explode upon opening. Give bag to the BBEG.

>> No.8477099

Peasant Railgun.

Do I need to say more?

>> No.8477120

Not allowed to use valuable computer property as improvised blasting tools, even if power packs sometimes blow up real nice if you zap them.

Not allowed to have two of me (and most of the rest of the party) running around and being Tactical Geniuses (why, yes, we shall use the increased numbers to make flanking attacks), even though it wasn't my fault that the clones got decanted early.

>> No.8477127

>>8477099
Doesn't work as a weapon. Now as a near insantaneous means of communication of long distances....

>> No.8477128

No one is allowed to play Drow ninjas anymore cause of this one player who for EVERY SINGLE GAME tried his best to copy the shenanigans of Naruto.
Samurai and other eastern classes are okay, but he can't be one.

>> No.8477132

>>8476960
So, basically, you're a shit player who's doing all the bad stereotypes?

>> No.8477136

I am no longer allowed to play as any type of noble because of my refusal to perform task beneath my station.

I am also not allowed to play a paladin who will only participate in mounted combat.

Finally I can no longer refer to NE as "Niceguy Evil."

>> No.8477148

>>8476996
WAND SHEATHES EQUAL BOSS WEAPONS

>> No.8477152

>>8477074
YOU GOT

SPITEFUL DARTS

>> No.8477153

>>8477127
Communication AND transportation.

>> No.8477158

>>8477099
Now that's just ridiculous. You should use the traditional approach of the catapult

>> No.8477162

>>8477128
In the same vein, no one in my game is allowed to play a werewolf because the last time that happened it degenerated into some sort of deranged furry sex RP.

>> No.8477181

>>8477158
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Peasant_Railgun

>> No.8477198

>>8477162
Oh, that reminds me---not allowed to execute troubleshooter because they said "yiff yiff", barked, or howled. Am permitted to shoot with impunity if I see mutations such as a tail, however.

>> No.8477206

>>8476996
>>8477074
>>8477148
>>8477152

This is your new character build.

>> No.8477228

>>8477099

the fact that the DM allowed that in the FIRST place is mind boggling.

>> No.8477236

>>8477228

Oddly enough, sometimes D&Dfags fail at logic.

And how.

>> No.8477245

I am completely totally and forever banned from using the spell Explosive Runes, but one day my DM will open his little screen..."Hey whats this sa--" BOOOOOOOOM!
And I will finally have my revenge.

>> No.8477253

I'm not allowed to sing and backup sing for myself in falsetto anymore.
It was too anti-immersive.
Those guys suck though.

>> No.8477257

I am not allowed to play wizards that take up Eschew Materials and surprise the DM with the fact that I can still cast spells without my material components.

I am not allowed to play wizards that take up Spell Mastery and surprise the DM with the fact that I can still prepare my best spells without my spellbook.

I am not allowed to play wizards that carry around nine hundred gold pieces worth of the special writing supplies that are needed to transcribe scrolls into my spellbook.

I am not allowed to play wizards that purchase diamonds worth exactly the amount needed to fuel a Resurrection spell and keep a note on my person that promises another diamond upon being returned to life to guarantee that my friends will bother to do so.

I am not allowed to play wizards.

:(

>> No.8477276

As a bard I am not allowed to sing any song if it has been sung by any south park character, especially butters.

>> No.8477280

I'm not allowed to cast chain lightning from my crotch.

>> No.8477283

Not allowed to play a warforged warlock who thinks he's a gnome trapped in a battle suit, uses Fly all the time and pretends to hover, and calls himself Iron Gnome.

>> No.8477287

I'm not allowed to do anything remotely cool.

>> No.8477288

>>8477257

>I am not allowed to play wizards as they should be played.

Your DM is a dick.

>> No.8477298

The somatic component to Web is not Spiderman's webslinging hand gesture.

>> No.8477308

Not allowed to name my Rogue Inigo Montoya.

>> No.8477379

>>8477298

It should be.

>> No.8477386

>>8477288

To be fair, I did all of these things with my first wizard character, along with a few more terrible things, before the ban was enacted.

Using Grease and Reduce Person on my halfling to slip through jail cell bars, for example.

Using Daze and striking a heroic pose to pretend to instill the feeling of awe in peasants, for another.

Glitterdust and Hypnotic Pattern to make the vampire bard look like a flaming homosexual.

>> No.8477389

>>8477257
harsh dude, my DM gives us all Eschew Material as a free feat because keeping track of batshit, bullshit and yarn is gay.

>> No.8477406

We have a blanket "no raping" rule.

Someone tried to break that rule once, but it was then discovered that since we had already visited the temple of a fertility Goddess, Her very powerful nymph-daughter was allowed to enforce the no-rape rule. Her primary attack was a groin-seeking magic missile.

>> No.8477408

>>8477386

>vampire bard

That fucker deserved it.

>> No.8477422

Luckily my gaming group is awesome. Very few things are disallowed. Pretty much just Warlocks actually (cause of an annoying fuck who nobody liked). Buuuuuuut, I'd have to say that the dumbest thing I've done would be.......
Druid wild shaping into a Huge Shark, casting Animal Growth on himself, and then Girallon's Blessing. Ended up breaching, doing the gun show move (pow, pow, FIREPOWER), and then grappling the tentacle monster on the pier.

It was REALLY late....and I hadn't slept in a while. Everyone has their off days.

Party was amused, since the druid was kinda their mascot. He was insane, and spent almost every minute of every day wild shaped into a Dire Ape acting like a monkey. Pulled a Silent Bob too. Didn't speak the whole campaign until the end. He was fun.

>> No.8477426

Not allowed to use rods of wonder. Ever.

Still don't understand why the party got all huffy once my rouge was now 1/12 his size, still had 11 str, a dex through the roof, and able to take a 1 on stealth checks and be invisible. Bastards.

Due to this, also been preemptively banned from playing a wild-mage.

>> No.8477428

>>8477389
You know, just having the pouch present automagically supplies you with any and all random worthless components, like yarn and fairy dust.

>> No.8477429

>>8477386
>Using Grease and Reduce Person on my halfling to slip through jail cell bars, for example.

THAT'S FUCKING CLEVER! THAT IS USING THE NOODLE!

>> No.8477470

>>8477386
All of these things seem entirely reasonable to me. (As long as you roleplayed the intra-party antagonism, which is always FUN TIMES.)

I think your DM hates fun and lateral thinking.

>> No.8477471

>>8477386
Your DM still sounds like a railroading dick, and is punishing you for being clever.

I'm guessing the vampire bard was a DMPC?

>> No.8477480

>>8476618
My DM too.
3.5 group.
"Psions are too OP" - Direct quote from DM.
Some douche played a nuke psion, end of story.

>> No.8477482

>>8477099
i bet you dont even remember that thread

>> No.8477497

>>8477482
Only bits and pieces of it. Why does that matter?

>> No.8477499

i am not allowed to roll a bullywug monk and enchant my fists with Dynamic weapon in order to impersonate a battletoad.

>> No.8477524

>>8477429
He also used it to reduce the DC on DC80 Escape Artist checks, if you know what I mean.

>> No.8477528

In Star Wars Saga I'm no longer allowed to use a force point to make the self destructing space station I'm in miss me.

>> No.8477543

Not allowed to play a Bard.
RIP Big Stevie Jones the Groove Machine.

>> No.8477551

>>8477408

YES, HE DID.

>>8477429

That was the "Surprise!" moment, for both Eschew Materials and Spell Mastery. I get why he didn't like it, mostly because I felt like I was hijacking the DM the entire time. Feels good, man, but I hate it when other people do that.

>>8477470

Actually, my DM hates boredom. And halflings, for reasons I'll never understand.

>>8477471

Vampire bard was a PC that liked to grandstand.

>> No.8477564

Most ridiculous ban I've heard would be a DM telling my friend that he couldn't play evil characters anymore due to the fact that he'd systematically murdered the entire party (including torturing another PC to death). However, the reason this is the dumbest ban I've heard of is due to the fact that the DM ASKED him to play the character in question, and he hired my friend to hunt down and murder the party. DM just got butthurt when my friend pulled it off.

>> No.8477565

Not banned, per say, but my DM 'doesn't get' psionics, and tells me not to play them but won't look at them so that I can play something with them.

Tome of Battle, Tome of Magic, Warlocks, taking shit from the Magic Item Compendium, Factotums, I can use ANYTHING else with him even looking at it, all I have to give him a brief overview and he's fine.
But no, not Psionics. Of course not.

>> No.8477626

>>8477565
Every game, once a week, for eight different games, I had to explain to my DM, who refused to read the XPH due to laziness, that Psions can't spend more than their manifester level in PP on one power. The ninth game, psionics were banned due to "level one psion spending all PP on one super power".

I wanted to punch him in the throat.

>> No.8477629

The LE Wizard isn't allowed to go after the little boy who's the reincarnation of the pharaoh, ever since that time he got locked up in a tomb from 1525 BC to current times.

Those 4 mummies that protect him really are a pain.

>> No.8477645

Play a decker or mage in shadowrun. :(

>> No.8477646

I am not allowed to roll up a character that happens to be directly related to another PC. In particular, I'm not allowed to convince another PC to roll up a pair of identical twins that were separated at birth so that we can completely hijack the focus from the story when it gets boring by "suddenly realizing" why the two characters look so similar.

>> No.8477660

I'm banned from playing anything other than true neutral

>> No.8477678

>>8477629

WHAT YOU DID THERE.

I FUCKING SEE IT.

>> No.8477680

wow... all your DM's are fags, my DM lets us do whatever he wants and our actions change the stories and actually lets us be creative. Your Dm's are fags, mine is the best.

>> No.8477685

Have access to dispel magic or equivalent. :(

>> No.8477698

>>8477678
What?

>> No.8477703

I'm not allowed to take the Leadership feat.

It makes the wizard player whine when I can replace his annoying ass with an NPC that I semi-control.

>> No.8477713

Not me, but I know someone banned from playing CN hermaphrodites. She was a CN Barbarian chick with "the biggest tits on the planet" who ran around wearing only a loin cloth. She then decided that her character had a twelve inch dick (she rolled a twelve sided die to determine her size). The reasons for her ban were many, but the two most prominent would be:

1) When BBEG was attempting to kidnap a princess because he needed a virgin sacrifice, the barbarian promptly raped the princess. She reasoned that the BBEG would have no interest in the princess afterwards. She was correct.

2) She ate another PC alive. She was trapped in a cave with another PC (stereotypically emaciated elven wizard) and after a few hours, decided she was hungry (not starving or anything, just hungry). She didn't like the wizard. So she grappled the wizard and ate him (doing a d4 a round until he died). He couldn't break free of the grapple if she rolled a 20 and she rolled a 1....so he had to just sit there while she ate his character.

>> No.8477720

>>8477564
hah. I had my DM tell me secretly that my character had been replaced by a Doppelganger and it has been following us for some time, so don't worry about playing too differently, he knows enough to pass.
Long story short: TPK ;_;

>> No.8477739

>>8477698

>> No.8477748

Been banned from Persistent Prestidigitation.

>> No.8477749

My DM doesn't allow me to play a Drow with a name that is an anagram for Drizzt.

>> No.8477767

>>8477713
* if he rolled a 20 and she rolled a 1.

>> No.8477804

>>8477713
This is hot

>> No.8477819

>>8477739
FUCK YES! I loved that show!

>> No.8477838

>>8477749
What anagram could you possibly make from that?

>> No.8477844

>>8477713
>>8477767
This girl sounds irredeemably insane. Tell me this isn't par for the course with her characters.

>> No.8477862

>>8477767
*unless

Oh, yeah. Not allowed to turn prison island into communist utopia. Damn railroading.

>> No.8477864

>>8477838
D'zzirt

>> No.8477877

>>8477844
Standard character for her from what I'm told. Luckily I never actually gamed with her or knew her except through stories.

>> No.8477883

I am no longer allowed to play a symbiote host if the only thing I am going to do is seduce random women, sleep with them, and then later consume the contents of their skulls.

>> No.8477886

I am not allowed to orchestrate circumstances in which I can successfully stun a group of monsters by reenacting the opening of the Dragonstrike instructional video.

"Do you feel brave tonight?"

>> No.8477889

>>8477819
It's too bad that Scarab wasn't an awesome villain. I mean, he was definitely badass. But he lacked.... that certain magnificence that radiates from villains like David Xanatos.

>> No.8477890

>>8477838
T'zzridt
Ztirdtz
Tr'Zriz

>> No.8477914

>>8477890
Gesundheit.

>> No.8477916

>>8477862
No unless. He couldn't break free of the grapple if he rolled a 20 and she rolled a 1. She was just that much stronger and melee focused. Also had some grapple feats I think.

>> No.8477925

Barbarian, Human, Black, fairly large specimen at that. 18 str, 18 con. Bout 6'8" or something. By all accounts a huge guy. Decided to base himself on unarmed fighting.

Shortly before the current fight, everyone had been rolling a ton of ones, yet no one got "lodged" in ally. So one of our players asked if the next one could be lodged in ally. The DM allowed it.

The barbarian chose to Cockslap a goblin. Rolled a 1. Lodged in ally. The only near ally? A 5'2", 90lbs, effeminate, elven ninja, wearing only a silk jumpsuit. The barbarian rolled to hit, and scored a crit. He plunged deep into the ninja's ass, perforating his colon, killing him.

>> No.8477959

>>8477713
Well, I came.

>> No.8477973

not allowed to explain using physics why this fantasy universe couldn't possibly function. Once got my entire group mildly annoyed at me for explaining what was wrong with their space combat.

>> No.8477984

>>8477925
>giant nigger raped a ninja to death

Holy balls, that is the coolest thing ever.

>> No.8477998

>>8477916
"...could not roll free unless he rolled a 20 and she a 1." They way you've written it, he could not break free in that cirumstance, and all others are undefined.

>>8477925
There's something wrong with any game where "cockslap" is a valid attack, but I hope you all realised that a perforated colon is not an instant death, Kennith Pinyan. Enjoy roleplaying bleeding to death from your anus. (Cue Don Hertzfeld.)

>> No.8478026

>>8477959
So did the princess. DM ended up running with it. Decided the sheltered princess ended up falling for the barbaric hermaphrodite. The king was pissed.

>> No.8478048

I am not allowed to torture drow.

>> No.8478085

I'm not allowed to make evil wizard/fighter gestalts that proclaim themselves to be the Emperor of Evil and "sworn enemy of all that is good and decent".

>> No.8478111

>>8477998
Oh, right, I've finally passed my Reading check. You're saying that she was so ludicrously good at grappling that /even if/ he rolled 20 and she 1, that would still be insufficient to break free.

Carry on.

>> No.8478121

>>8477864
>D'zzirt, the overweight drow

>> No.8478145

Stereotypical blind japanese swordsman. He's sitting down, meditating, whenthe party necromancer comes running up to him and interrupts him. He drags the swordsman over to a wall, and states thats it is door that the rogue just can't pick the lock on and they need him to boot it open. He kicks the wall, and breaks his foot. Rogue laughs.

>> No.8478153

>>8477925
>>8477984
>>8477998

Yeah, it would have made more sense if he had stabbed him through he neck with his member, or something like that.

>> No.8478155

I am not allowed to persuade another player to roll an Evil PC along with me with the intent of becoming Team Rocket.

>> No.8478178

>>8478111
Yeah, sorry I wasn't being more clear. Disregard >>8478165

>> No.8478203

Not allowed to make Warforged Luchadors.

>> No.8478217

>>8478153
>>8477998

I said he died. Never said in that round.

>> No.8478251

I am no longer allowed to roll up a character above level three and refuse to buy magic items in favor of purchasing every mundane item I can find in all of the books.

Last time, it was level twelve. I needed six front-and-back pages to accommodate my inventory list.

>> No.8478298

Not allowed to leave the rest of the party, who were carelessly trapped between two portculli for rushing ahead without my sense of self-preservation, and take the truly ridiculous amounts of treasure from a random roll upstairs, fleeing the dungeon to retire in luxury.

Not allowed to repeatedly fireball trapped, melee-focused party to ash first to stop them hunting me down.

(In the DM's defence, the treasure was, by fluke of the dice, a huge number of coins, so I'd probably have to fetch mules or something to transport it all.)

>> No.8478336

>>8478155
Did you do that before the DM banned it?

>> No.8478371

>>8478336
He didn't pick up until our first battle, when I announced "Prepare for trouble!"

And so on.

>> No.8478390

>>8478155
>>8478371

OH YES

New character duo concept acquired.

>> No.8478408

>>8478371

>> No.8478433

In DH i'm no longer allowed to roll a tech priest that has knoledge of xeno tech, mainly because i had full tech use and was basically able to interface and control anything tech in on instance i smooth talked an Eldar AI in crashing the ship it was controlling into a nearby sun containg the rest of my part and the BBEG

also never allowed to throw granades of any type seeing as i've kill 3 party members (with them using fate points as well) by accident

>> No.8478434

I am no longer allowed to take profession (Barrister) and attempt to turn my bard into Phoenix Wright.

>> No.8478471

>>8478408
>>8478390
In all fairness I kinda pulled the whole thing out of my ass. With better planning, I could have gotten a cat familiar too.

>> No.8478483

I never allow my players to play Wookies.

Ever.

>> No.8478556

I am no longer allowed to frivolously cast Otto's Irresistible Dance.

I am no longer allowed to cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter to make it seem like people approve of the aforementioned frivolous casting of Otto's Irresistible Dance.

I am no longer allowed to invent Bigby's Round Of Applause for the express purpose of accompanying Tasha's Hideous Laughter, especially if it is to make it seem as if the gods approve of the aforementioned frivolously cast Otto's Irresistible Dance.

I am no longer allowed to use Bluff checks to convince people that anyone likes Otto's Irresistible Dance.

>> No.8478624

>>8478434
When you were told it wasn't allowed, did you shout OBJECTION!?

>> No.8478768

I'm not allowed to justify torching an entire city due to fighting two zombies and a vampire lord, as a Chaotic Good Paladin.

I'm not allowed to shout "I am the bone of my sword..." (etc.) after finding two scrolls. One of "Conjure Weapon (Falchion)" and "Mass Teleport (Planar)".

>> No.8478843

>>8478768

Similarly, my Paladin's Oath cannot be the Green Lantern one or Unlimited Blade Works.

>> No.8478900

>>8478843

Really? My DM banned all Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann quotes from being paladin oaths.

Also, I'm not allowed anywhere near more than 2 dragons at any one time, after trying to fuse 3 of them together last time...

>> No.8478948

Two of my players based their characters off of Hansel and Gretel from Black Lagoon in Shadowrun. It was... creepy. In true BL fashion I had them sniped by a scarred russian and said never do that again.

>> No.8479095

>>8478900

But then how are you supposed to make a Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon?

>> No.8479157

Bards cannot be the Music Meister. No exceptions.

>> No.8479202

I'm semi-banned from playing social/manipulative characters. It's not my fault the GM is hilariously bad at having three way conversations with himself.

>> No.8479211

>>8478768
The best part was when the DM rolled with it and described the other plane as "A world seared with flame, littered with swords."
I was able to cast Unlimted Blade Works on the BBEG, and got the finishing blow by striking him 9 times with a "rock-like sword".


Fuck yeah.

>> No.8479298

When playing a Malkavian, I am forbidden from carrying on any conversation in aria format

>> No.8479318

I am no longer allowed to tell devils that I am with the infernal revenue service, no exceptions; once crit my bluff while they crit failed their sense motive on a char with a zero modifier.

DM played with crit sucess/failure. I walked away with ALOT of money.

>> No.8479363

>>8479095

That's what I said! My DM even pre-emptively banned me from fusing a hydra and a dragon together to approximate the same end result!

>> No.8479719

I am no longer allowed to cast magic missile at the darkness.

And I'm the DM.

>> No.8479781

My GM never allows any of us to play women, ever, for any reason. (all male group)
He says that guys only ever play them as total sluts or total bitches. Sometimes I think I only want to do it to prove him wrong.

>> No.8479803

>>8479781
once played one as totally insane.

but then again, I cleared it with the DM that I was going to play River Tam.

>> No.8479845 [DELETED] 

>>8479781
He says that guys only ever play them as total sluts or total bitches.

>Implying that all girls are not either a Slut or a Bitch. As most are a combination.

>> No.8479982

I am not allowed to make a character concept that is followed by another character concept and ended with the words "They fight crime!"

>> No.8480003

Never had any real issues.

Ran a fem-Kamina in an Adeptus Evanagalon game, once. Tried to combine, it went better then expected. IE my unit jumped on the sholders of another players. managed to win the fight.

>> No.8480041

>>8479845
Stop posting shit.

>> No.8480066

This thread needs to be archived for hilarity sake

>> No.8480086

>>8477046

Profession (barrister) is one of the examples in the PHB, if memory serves.

>> No.8480194

>>8477046

They don't. The best you can hope for is A judge. if you are LUCKY.

>> No.8480226

Nobody is allowed to make "fwoosh" noises when using jump packs (40k).

>> No.8480271

>>8480086

A barrister is like a lawyer, except made of actual truth and justice, right?

>>8480194

My new goal in life is to create the concept of fair trials in any setting I find myself in. Even Dark Sun.

Especially Dark Sun.

>> No.8480277

Here's a couple hundred suggestions of things NOT to do.

http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19879014/2001_Things_I_Am_No_Longer_Allowed_to_do_
in_an_RPG

>> No.8480543

and here's sum moar!

http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html

>> No.8480557

>>8480086
>>8480194
>>8480271

Yes it is a PHB profession. That is why I thought I could be Phoenix Wright. ;_;

>>8478624

Yes well, shouting OBJECTION kinda got me in trouble in the first place, that and wanting to have teenage girl cohorts.

>> No.8480598

>>8480557

>teenage girl cohorts.

Get an adolescent forest giant for a cohort, instead. You get all the bonuses of a standard teenaged girl, plus the added benefit of having someone around that can punt a judge six miles.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

>> No.8480713

>>8480277
or you could go to the source fag
http://theglen.livejournal.com/282764.html

give credit where credit is due

>> No.8481118

When we play a trans-generational campaign that is centered on dynastic politics I am not allowed to play a character that is infertile and impotent.

>> No.8482124

>>8476755

Who the fuck's gonna take us to Tomorrow-orrow land now?!

>> No.8482262

ITT good GM calls

>> No.8482291

When I was playing a Samurai I wasn't allowed to shout AKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! when there was a major plot twist in the campaign.

>> No.8482323

/m/an here.

My Avenger, Zenger, is no longer allowed to yell that there is nothing he cannot cleave. :(

>> No.8482426

>>8477565
Fuck you Gil, you're a faggot.

>> No.8482701

>>8476784

...Which spell is this?

>> No.8482815

I am no longer allowed to play a Swordsage that has a feat to take ten on concentration checks with a majority of Diamond Mind maneuvers.

Oh, and a ring of concentration.

>> No.8483339

I am not aloud to roll trap checks on anything living....... I am not aloud to pick up everything I find and put it in my bag, I can't steal every doorknob, I can't do anything that was ever from /tg/ I cant use bad puns as an attack or say bad puns, I can't make references in any games to any other games. If I smile I must explain why to ensure I am not going to mess up our DMs plans. And under no circumstances can I use my logic to do anything ( He told me it was made of aluminum and in my 15 pages of things in my bag I had like a gallon of mercury come on)

>> No.8483390

>>8482701
Any of the Creations.
Had a character kill a dragon with 200 pounds of Black Lotus Extract once.

>> No.8483432

>>8483339
>I cant use bad puns as an attack or say bad puns
Does one kind anon have that Ice Sickles pic?

>> No.8483511

I'm not allowed to Play an Abyssal.

Because my ST is a cocksucker.

>> No.8483895

>>8483511
No, Jim, you're a cocksucker. Your Randumb CE Abyssals are no fun for anyone else.

>> No.8484073

Not allowed to play a Rigger Mage in shadowrun
DM only banned me though after the rest of the party had a hissy fit when I got enough karma to make my Flying combat drone dual natured and able to cast some spells :(

>> No.8484102

I am not allowed to start the Industrial Revolution in the Forgotten Realms.

>> No.8484177

There's a true story behind this, I swear. It ends up involving me playing a paladin back in the late 90's, before all this 3rd edition nonsense.

Anyway, the short version is that I loved cartoons back then and am no longer allowed to mention Candlejack and then stand u

>> No.8484433

>>8480713
Hey. jackass, look down one post from the one you are bitching about....
>>8480543
I already beat you to it.
So, You can tonguescrub my rectal orifice until it is antiseptically immaculate, impatient noob.

>> No.8487128

Never allowed to play a Fighter 1/Wizard 9 ever again in 3.5

>> No.8487288

I am not allowed to have a Vorpal Blade and/or Time Stop in any campaign from this point on.

And because of that, I am no longer allowed to kill NPCs three times my level because my DM sucks at houseruling his own custom powers.

>> No.8489131

Not allowed to play druids after this without a realy good reason.

>> No.8489180

>>8476768
I lold so hard.

>> No.8489515

>>8487128
What's so bad about this?
Someone explain.

>> No.8489572

>>8489515
It's one of the first broken builds just using the PHB

>> No.8489696

>>8476856
...grim?

>> No.8489739

>>8487128
How is this broken exactly?
I don't get it.

>> No.8489777

I'm banned from playing bards in D&D 3.5, due to my frequent summoning of badgers in times of low vision, such as darkness and telling them to go forth and attack any movement they can sniff out.

many team mates were attacked, I even had a badger get impaled on the dwarf warriors helmet, and the only thing that was actually killed by this tactic, was a pillow.

>> No.8489799

>>8477678
Once you post an image on /tg/, you can sure as hell bet it's going to be posted as a reaction image in a few days.

>> No.8489809

I am not allowed to play any evil alignment that is not lawful evil.

I am not allowed to play characters who intend the party harm, even indirectly.

>> No.8489836

Never ever ever allowed to play a paladin named Sir Child the Molester with his gnome squire Young Nimblefingers

>> No.8489856

Not allowed to play a cleric of Scahrossar.

>> No.8489958

>>8489836
hahahahahaha

>> No.8489963

Not allowed to take a Bag of Devouring as starting equipment.

Bag of Devouring + high level Bard = lulz

>> No.8489995

Not allowed to create 2 portals facing each other that link to each other. Running rope through the portals, tying things to the rope, closing the portals, and catapaulting the rope and everything attached to it into the astral plane. Or was it the ethereal plane...one of the two...

>> No.8490003

>>8489995

Rope is also tied to itself, important bit.

>> No.8490025

No longer allowed to play a CN wizard with a rubix cube of wonder or create my own custom siege defense Wall of hot greasy black tendrils ringed by a wall of force.

>> No.8490102

Banned from turning my arch militant into the predator by using a combination of shoulder mounted weapons, power armour and various bionic implants.

>> No.8490277

Not allowed to try and make a card game based on the Deck of Many Things, regardless of how many motorbikes I can procure to actually play the game on.

>> No.8490437

there is not a roving band of bards preforming 'queer eye for the magi' and i should not suggest to the sorcerer he should ask them for fashion tips, even if dark robes are SO last century

>> No.8490471

not allowed to roll profession: interior design in the party tent

gak shall never be used as a tabletop representation for any ooze, slime, or gelatin

not allowed to use rope and a helm to lash together a potion beer hat, thus quaffing them as a free action

>> No.8490640

>>8490471

Potion...beer...hat? I'm almost afraid to ask.

>> No.8490750

>>8490640
this. but with potions.

>> No.8490795

As DM, I am no longer allowed to use any form of monkey or ape-like enemy, especially if they have a Stench attack that can cause Nausea.

I don't play often enough to have banned character concepts, sadly.

>> No.8490841

>>8490750

I want one now.

>> No.8490850

>>8490471
>not allowed to use rope and a helm to lash together a potion beer hat, thus quaffing them as a free action
Fucking stolen.

>> No.8490903

>>8477257

>my dungeonmaster is a railroading cunt who doesn't have the minimal intellect necessary to realize that a character that spends that much feats and money to ensure that he won't be fucked over by being separated from his wizardly tools is entitled to NOT BE FUCKED OVER BECAUSE HE PAID THE "DO NOT FUCK ME OVER" COST

>> No.8490958

>>8490850
have at it. i'm glad someone other than me though it was amusing and useful

>> No.8490978

I'm never allowed to play Wikipedius the wizard, ever again.

>> No.8491000

I am never allowed to utter "You know, That's a funny story" and then declare a berserk on my half orc.

>> No.8491019

Things I am no longer allowed to do as a DM:

--Have a beholder polymorphed into a horsefly attack the PCs.

--Have a sentient tree frog with massive spellcasting ability which is not a polymorphed anything, just a sentient treefrog that casts spells.

--Dual-wielding orc warhammer-user who bellows 'IT'S HAMMAH TIEM' before flipping out with the realness.

--NPC villians who, upon getting Explosive Runes to the face, endeavors to use them against the NPCs at any oppertunity.

--Low-level NPC sheriffs who send court summons written with Explosive Runes.

Things that I have been told NEVER TO DO AGAIN or my players will kick my ass:

-- Lord Sunder.

-- Sunderlings.

>> No.8491026

>>8491019

>against the NPCs

er, the PCs.

>> No.8491032

>>8491019
>Lord Sunder
>sunderlings

Stolen

>> No.8491060

>>8491032

The sheer incoherent rage of your players will be delicious.

>> No.8491082

Oh, and I'm not allowed to have the party wake up and discover someone's replaced each of their horses with two men in a horse costume any more. Especially the paladin.

>> No.8491105

>>8476567
not allowed to make a character without approval of the GM, and i have to cite all splatbooks i use.

Oh keen arcanite scimitar, you were so great with your 8-20 crit-range.

>> No.8491118

>>8491105
>8-20 crit range

>> No.8491121

>>8491105
Please tell me how you make that.

>> No.8491143

>>8491121

>> No.8491145

>>8491121

Keen increases the crit range.

Arcanite is a material that increases the crit range from the WoW RPG core book.

Scimitars already have a damn good crit range.

>> No.8491147

I'm not aloud to fill a bag of holding full of dirt so that I can fill in any pit traps that our group runs across

>> No.8491166

>>8491121
Back in 3.0 all of the keen variants stacked.
So... Scimitar, 18-20, x2
Keen Scimitar, 15-20, x2
Keen Scimitar, with Improved Critical, 12-20, x2.

I'm guessing his Arcanite or whatever took it another step to 9-20.

And this was back when Vorpal was on a crit, not on a natural 20...

>> No.8491169

>>8491121
Scimitar has a 3-chance crit range, (18-20) that is doubled with the keen ability, (15-20). I remember finding in a splat book (Warcraft Player's guide i believe) a material that doubled crit range again, which in the pdf i had wasn't errata'd yet.

so it was 3x2x2=12 crit range or (8-20)

>> No.8491172

>>8491147

>> No.8491185

>>8491145
>WoW RPG handbook
Ah, OK. That's why I never heard of arcanite. I already knew what keen did and the scimitars crit range. I would love to be able to pull that off. But we usually only stick to core and complete books when we play 3.5.

>> No.8491235

http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html

>> No.8491236

I am not allowed to have my Drone Rigger in Shadowrun build a Metal Gear Rex and go rampaging through Seattle.

>> No.8491250

>>8476567
>ITT: Things you are never allowed to do at the playing table.(RPGs or Wargames)

Play a male character. Apparently I can't roleplay my own gender well.

>> No.8491269

>>8491147
Heh, we were exploring a tomb in my very first 3.5 game and found first a massive chest full of bodies and then a pit trap. You can see where that went.

>> No.8491273

>>8491250

Or you do chicks too well.

>> No.8491278

>>8491269

IT'S RAINING MEN

>> No.8491286

>>8491250
or everyone else is gay for you so they want you to be a girl so that they can act out their feelings towards you

>> No.8491288

>>8491273
Entirely possible. Either way, the group is guaranteed to have at least one female character from now on.

>> No.8491323

>>8491288

play a warforged. that'll show the fucks.

>> No.8491333

>>8491323
They'll make him play a warforged with tits.

>> No.8491417

>>8476960 CG - "Stop trying to ruin the story by not helping the king"
D&D isn't supposed to be DM happy story fun time. You have a shit DM.

>> No.8491419

that reminds me; not allowed to hang warforged off the prow of the spelljammer to make a newton's cradle

>> No.8491468

No longer allowed to announce something in the [adjective][animal][verbs][subject] format every time my monk attacks.

...ANGRY CROW TAKES FLIGHT.

>> No.8491569

Sing, Actually I'm not allowed to sing anywhere.

>> No.8491577

>>8491323
I have. Feminine personality, asexual/androgynous-looking body.

>> No.8491603

I am not allowed to play Psyker.

Then again I'm not allowed to use any weapons besides Lasguns, Autoguns, shotguns.

>> No.8491619

>>8491185
Could just use the improved critical feat...

>> No.8491627

>>8491577
>I'm a faggot
you could have just said that.

>> No.8491642

>>8477047

Man, if I couldn't do puns during game, I would quit roleplaying.

(even if my last SW DM began to put little crosses every time I did a pun, and aggravated each critical fail depending on the crosses...)

>> No.8491644

>>8491468

FLYING TIGER CRUSHES BALD EAGLE!

"Wait, what was that last part?"

I *said* flying tiger crushe- OOOF"

*mimicking voice* "what was that last part,' UGH"

>> No.8491649

>>8491603
I'm really getting tired of groups shunning Psykers. It's silly, and everyone knows it.

>> No.8491656

>>8491649

If they REALLY FUCK UP, it results in demons coming out and murdering everybody, doesn't it?

I'm not seeing the problem with shunning here.

>> No.8491681

>>8491169

The problem therein lays that a 2x2 in D&D becomes a x3, rather than x4. L2DMG.

>> No.8491683

I'm not allowed to play 4th edition D&D. I break the game with every character I make

>> No.8491691

>>8491627
I think he was describing the character, not himself.

>> No.8491706

>>8491656
That's the fucking game. What don't you get about that?

It's like telling a wizard "Oh no, you cause fires to happen. Get the fuck out of here."

It's Dark Heresy! Demons will come out and rape the party ANYWAY!

>> No.8491712

>>8491683
> Implying anything in 4th Ed can really be broken.

>> No.8491795

>>8491706

>What don't you get about that?

Oh, I get it all right. I'm just saying, if the players are so fucking paranoid/terrified of the inevitable Demon Rape that they're prejudiced against Psykers on the METAgame level, then this isn't a problem. It's just evidence that the game is working...
JUST AS PLANNED

>> No.8491802

>>8491649
>>8491656
The shunning was entirely an npcs fault with the npc getting perils and rolling a daemonhost.

The next character I rolled was a redemptionist cleric, the dm encouraged this character then as soon as we got to combat started bitching that flamers were OP and then he made flamers useless by fucking up the scale so that my flamer had only one tile of range.

>> No.8491840

>>8491627
I was, indeed, describing the character. Though it is a semi-accurate description of myself.

>> No.8492330

This needs to be archived.

>> No.8492344

>>8491712
>implying that anyone plays 4e

>> No.8492605

>>8477886

FUCK.
YEAH.

>> No.8492833

I'm not allowed to use dead monsters to find and disarm traps

>> No.8493257

I'm not allowed to sell sex from a female PC to get out of situations.

>> No.8493266

>>8493257

I'm not allowed to sell sex from a male PC to get out of situations.

>> No.8493299

>>8476861
>clip

>> No.8493321

>>8492833
Your DM is fail then. That is a perfectly sound and logical course of action. I had a Fighter/Ranger once who did that. He was a pole-arm user too so he used that as a walking stick when not in combat to test for pressure plates... If he found one in a hallway, he'd just throw an Orc arm on it or something to make it go off and keep going down the hall.

Party and DM agreed, it was an effective and creative way to get along without a Rogue in our party.

>> No.8493572

>>8493266
We have a female bard, I say she's a hooker, so I tried to sell her off.

>> No.8493948

>>8493257
>>8493266
>>8493572

I'm no longer allowed to use a zombie, a liberal amount of make-up, and 2 dozen hand grenades to impersonate a hooker (actually I'm not allowed to use anything to impersonate a hooker, but that's how I did it the 1st time).

>> No.8494797

I'm not allowed to check for traps. Ever.

>> No.8495270

I am not allowed to use thunderstones period. At all.

Nor am I allowed to play dwarven wizards, dwarven sorcerers, dwarven clerics who specialize in spell casting meta's, dwarven paladins with packages other than curse breaker, dwarven archers, or Elven anything.

Did I mention I'm not allowed to use thunderstones?

>> No.8495703

>>8495270
WHAT
I CAN'T HEAR YOU
SPEAK LOUDER

>> No.8496498

I'm no longer allowed to have sex when I play my human monk after I got all the elves in a town teen-pregnant.

>>
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