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75734292 No.75734292 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

How did this happen?
Hardmode: she didn't kill or planned to kill him.

>> No.75734533

"Hahahaha! I'll turn young males into incels and young women into feminazis!"
Know everything makes sense, our world is being ruled by a power drunk Hera.

>> No.75734557

A group of travelers went northward to the Barbarian lands, somehow got hold of a shot handled "lightning hammer" and used it to break prometheus' chains. They then went around collecting all the people and people like things who had a grudge against Zeus, paid a load of other gods, mortals and other creatures to look the other way and murdered the shit out of him.

Hera now rules over the surviving pantheon with a blood staind crown on her worried brow.

>> No.75734612

Would never happen because greek societal norms would never allow a woman to rule
The natural heir to zeus's throne is apollo, after him ares
I vomited. Why can't people just let greek mythology be greek mythology and norse mythology be norse mythology? Why do they always have to do this gay fusion shit?

>> No.75734632

If is an "only Greeks" kind of setting you could say that Typhoon got released and managed to slain the three brothers, which makes Hera sole ruler of fucking everything.

>> No.75734652

>Thinking a bunch of losers could beat Zeus
Guy dropped a mountain on Typhon who was specifically created to overthrow him and spent the rest of his reign exterminating Typhon’s children with his numerous sons and nephews. Beyond that he won the Titanomachy the first time and there is no reason to think he wouldn’t win round 2.

tl;dr There is a reason Zeus is top dog.

>> No.75734796

Then nothing can remove him and the premise is stupid. Accepting that it is stupid means that we can give stupid answers.

>> No.75734978

Yeah, that sounds about right. It really doesn't make sense how much women hate men unless you either dip into evopsych or you presume some dark goddess who hates men is behind it all.

>Why do they always have to do this gay fusion shit?
Because pagans themselves did it? A lot of pagans believed that their pantheon had the most power in their stretch of land, and the pantheons of other religions governed their lands etc. And then there's the Romans who borrowed gods like they were running into all kinds of affairs that they didn't already have gods for, until they threw up their hands and just instituted one god of everything.

>> No.75735046

Zeus slipped and fell into her penis where she cock vored and subsumed him.

>> No.75735096
File: 75 KB, 736x934, b52d9d8d5d57d572b5859e8d7d87af30[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Cringe, but let's try something less cringy: an amazingly attractive tomboy musclegirl died before Zeus could fuck him. And then along came Zeus, he descended into the underworld and rawdogged her. One problem: she came before he did, and she clamped down her pussy muscles so hard that Zeus can't pull out, not even with his godly might. So now he's stuck in the underworld indefinitely with Hera acting as his regent.

>> No.75735158

>not Hades or Posideon

>> No.75735161

The mind flayer and beholder alliance used a giant dimension door to attack mount Olympus in force. They didnt win, but several gods and goddesses were slain and Zeus's mind was damaged, so he went to space for a potentially indefinite time. Hera's rule is precarious and even harder than Zeus's was, due to the fact that so many gods and goddesses died that the only way to start steering the world back towards hope and health was to release Atlas, Erebus, Tartarus, Oceanous, Coeus, bring them back to jointly reign with the remaining Olympians, then to convince Astraya, Eos and Selene to return, then finally to get the mixed group of Olympians and Titans to choose permanent Spouses. Zeus remains at large but has become a much wider known deity and finally a titan himself, after fathering pantheons on planets all over the universe.

>> No.75735171

>less cringy

>> No.75735195

It's in character for Zeus, rather than Hera suddenly having a vorecock because that gets you hard.

>> No.75735288

Has his own domain, and if memory serves did not want to rule Olympus. Guy was totally content with winning out on ruling the underworld and all of the profits that entailed.
Maybe, if only to stick it to Athena, whom he actively hates, along with most other gods. Poseidon was a MASSIVE cunt towards most other Gods and especially mortals so him becoming King of the Gods would be really bad with his end game being potentially raising Atlantis, and melting the ice caps to expand the sea.
>Any other God
The only Olympian Gods that would ACTIVELY want to become the King of the Gods were already dethroned or killed (the former Kings), Ares, Dionysus, (in some mad scheme to ruin creation in the long term) and Eris (same reason as Dionysus). The rest are demigods, hero deities, and monsters of some sort or another and therefore have next to no claim to the throne of the Gods.

But really, who knows? It's Gods. There power level is kind of all over the place. The really interesting part would be the "How" I think the play for Hera would be to exact her long term plan of supplanting his rule via >>75734533 It's a /pol/-shit meme, but it makes as much sense as anything else.

>> No.75735291

They have their own kingdoms. Sky goes to one of Zeus'es sons

>> No.75735372

Venus married Atlas
Persephone married Tartarus
Artemis married Oceanous,
Erebus and Astraya were allowed to remarry, due to ruling areas so far from earth humans don't even know they exist
Ares surprised everyone and returned alive albeit massively wounded, he married Eos, since she was the first being he saw and he thought there were no other surviving gods or goddesses at all at that time
Coeus was elderly and didn't desire marriage, he made a tower of learning instead and became a wise teacher deity
Selene became the new holy-and-pure-virgin deity and abstained from marriage or sex

Then Nyx, Nike, and Oranous appeared, fully regenerated from the death and rebirth of the world, and the circle of deities was complete, nyx and oranous having married without knowledge that there were any other deities, and nike their new daughter.

>> No.75735578

>king dies
>queen becomes a slutty ruler with a harem half-naked male servants
Uummm, based?

>> No.75735954

So give fun answers at least
>Posiden tired of playing second fiddle to his younger brother
>Rises up with his legion of demigod spawn
>Deities picking sides
>Hades sits in the underworld with his waifu waiting for the dust to settle
I would love to see Heracles grab Theseus by the ankles and beat Ares into a pulp with him.

>> No.75736018

I prefer There if I get a vote.

>> No.75736169

Well most of her depictions in the very few stories she has are just her being jealous of her cheating husband and/or his lovers.

>> No.75736281

>become a much wider known deity and finally a titan himself
The greeks never really held that Titans are a step up from gods, like a God powers up to titan strength or something. The Olympians are more human like, but not weaker. Presumably they're stronger since they won the war.

>> No.75736291

If Zeus died, it would most likely be a power struggle between Apollo, Poseidon, and maybe Dionysus for the throne. Hera wouldn’t even get a word in.

>> No.75736354

Hades didn’t want Olympus, you’re right there.

Poseidon does, there was a constant push and shove between him and Zeus. He’s basically the angry middle child, if Zeus wasn’t the biggest and baddest and had mysteriously disappeared, it would absolutely turn into a throw down between Poseidon and probably Apollo, Ares, and Dionysus. The latter two will likely lose out though, or Athena will join Poseidon to fuck over her brothers because she’s Daddy’s Perfect Girl.

>> No.75736462

>How did this happen?
I'm gonna go with Zeus trying to bang Rhea or Gaia or another female titan. Some kind of Greek tragedy ensues, he ends up dead because of uncontrolled lust and/or incest. Hera rules for a short time before being deposed by "Ares", who quickly gets slapped down by Poseidon and Hades, who refuse to take orders from their bitch Nephew. Apollo "claims the throne," largely by will of his uncles, who were in turn manipulated by/assisted by Athena, who was also responsible for setting Ares up to fail. Ares and Poseidon plan to use Apollo as a puppet king, but in reality Athena pulls the strings since she's the smart one in the family.

>> No.75736500

Zeus already fucked Rhea in myth, she was complaining and screaming at him about something, so he fucked her. She was noticeably happy about it afterwards. I don’t remember the exact myth, but he and she were in the form of snakes when they did it, and it resulted in snakes shedding their skin or something to that effect.

>> No.75736521

Her big toes are huge. Man feet.

>> No.75736621

I'm pretty sure I'd remember a story about Zeus banging his mom.

>> No.75736742

>greek god
There’s is a reason for why Prometheus was chained to a rock and all the titans were imprisoned in Tartaros. You can’t kill those who are immortal, only seal them away.

>> No.75736777

I can’t find my book right now, but it was in my Penguin copy of Graves’ Greek Myths if you have that.

>> No.75736814
File: 45 KB, 435x640, 3da6923cf71c78d8b3e2c102e3ef685d.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>You can’t kill those who are immortal
YOU can't.

>> No.75737010
File: 142 KB, 500x425, hades and persephone.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

If they die then they were never immortal.

>> No.75737053

Can’t immortal apply to those that don’t die from old age but can die by other means? Such as lobsters, if not killed by something they won’t die of aging.

>> No.75737628

Lobsters collapse under their own weight if they get too big, don't they?
Agelessness is referred to as biological immortality. But for some people that's not a strict enough definition.

>> No.75737653

There is no way Hades doesnt become the chief God while allowing Apollo to rule the sky domain. Hera would of course be a huge bitch & try to rule the sky through Apollo in a Olympias type way

>> No.75737701

Didn't he try to rape her once thou?

>> No.75737985

this whole thread is retarded as fuck because only one person has mentioned athena as zeus's heir.
her origin story literally makes reference to her being prophecised to surpass zeus, that's why he eats her mother (well, that and he's a fucking psychotic) and she's born by leaping out of his forehead.

Also as regards trying to bang his mother, entirely possible, he has sex with at least two of his sisters, and possibly rapes his daughter, depending on interpretation of who the deity mentioned is.

>> No.75738095
File: 71 KB, 800x485, ElCiFjBWkAEihkb.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I prefer sexy goth mommy Hera, OP

>> No.75738102

No, that was Hephaestus who tried to rape Athena.

>> No.75738123

The prophecy of surpassing Zeus is that his son by Metis will. Because Athena is a daughter and he had no son by Metis on grounds that he ate her when she was pregnant, Athena will never surpass him.

The other one prophesied to rule men and gods was Typhon, and Zeus blew his ass up with thunderbolts ASAP.

>> No.75738162

Zeus made the mistake of fucking himself in a blind fit of man sluttiness. Unable to bare the shame of taking it in the ass instead of giving it in other asses, he left for parts unknown to seek a cure for his Coom brain. He has yet to return.

>> No.75738218

>Google image search
>Top 30 best gifts for teen boys

That being said, sauce? The style vaguely looks like that Netflix Castlevania cartoon.

>Zeus, wanting to fuck as many bitches as possible back to back, zoomed around the planet so fast that he caught up with his own afterimage and mistook his own tight, toned ass for that of a woman

>> No.75738357

Blood of Zeus, cartoon on Netflix just this week. Features Hera as a bitchy villain destroying the world out of spite and Zeus as a flawed but generally reasonable god trying to do right by those he loves.

>> No.75738374

After Typhon cut Zeus to pieces and stuffed the stuffed the pieces into Zeus' sewed up scrotum Gaia was successful in her plea for the rest of the Gods and Titans to reconcile. Typhon claimed dominion over the earth, but allowed the Gods self rule on Olympus. Prometheus and the rest of the pacifist titans never go behind his back to free Zeus in an attempt to reconcile with their divine siblings and, as such Zeus remains stuck in his own foreskin and doesn't get to go back on his promises to Prometheus in order to sucker punch the rest of the Titans and throw them in a pit.

>> No.75738393

Athena is a Mary Sue made up by the Athenians.

>> No.75738394

Hera's not evil and she's literally the goddess of marriage and fidelity, just FYI for anyone who didn't know that.

>> No.75738614

But she wasn’t nice to her husband’s bastards and mistresses, so she’s evil.

>> No.75738856

>Hera's not evil
1. She's a woman
2. Tell that to /ourboy/ Herc

>> No.75738897

>not evil

She may have reasons to be a turbo-cunt but that doesn't make her not a turbo-cunt.

>> No.75739073

Honestly I can’t be surprised that she’s the mega bitch, her husband is the horniest man i’m the cosmos and she’s the goddess of family values. He is literally cucking her while she has nothing to do about it besides fuck with his side hoes and bastards.

>> No.75739079

Tell that to baby hephaestus. Threw him off Olympus and demanded him back when he grew useful.

>> No.75739335

Hades might not want to rule Olympus, but I get the feeling he'd have been the best of the brothers to keep it in his pants/wife and run a Pantheon without a constant series of fuck-ups.

Anyway, whilst she wouldn't rule directly, perhaps Hera could be the power behind the throne for Ares? Ares was a bit of a fuck up himself but he Romanised into Mars who wasn't, so perhaps he'd have the capability to grow into the role and lead the Olympians.

>> No.75739380

>Threw him off Olympus and demanded him back when he grew useful.
Women, amirite fellas?

>> No.75739455

Naw dog. Just hera.
Hephaestus was raised by some not shit women afterwards, but they couldn't refuse a God when she took him back.
Neirids and nymph rock. Goddess suck.

>> No.75739545

Zeus died of an std

>> No.75739564

IIRC Baco wasn´t the one that would some day dethrone Zeus?

>> No.75739568

Heracles, named after the poor wife who got cucked. I feel theres a reason she went so hard at him...

>> No.75739589

>I feel theres a reason she went so hard at him
That reason being she's a woman. If not for the fact that she's a goddess, I would've walked up Olympos and smacked her myself. Hell, that might make for a good motivation for some new demigod: being really fucking sick of Hera's shit.

>> No.75739627

Zeus is afraid of Nyx tho. He's top dog but he isn't the strongest entity in Greek mythology.

>> No.75739680


no he live on in all the stds he spread.

>> No.75739702

Knowing how the Greek Myths works, Zeus probably faked his death (AGAIN) to just literally fuck with mortals.

>> No.75739717

Hera is a bitch to all of Zeus side fucks anon.
Dyonisius mother got burned by thunder and she killed everyone he mets when young, to give a example.

>> No.75739719

>Presumably they're stronger since they won the war.
They needed their magic weapons though.

>> No.75739846

>she didn't kill or planned to kill him.
Zeus was stronger than all the other gods combined, finding a way for Hera to kill him would be the hard mode.

>> No.75739886

Fuck off. Having an affair & naming the kid after the dudes wife is a dick move, go beat your chest somewhere else chucklefuck

>> No.75739887

She did plan to kill him, but he ended up owing her a favor instead. Turns out, the favor was to take his place if he was murdered.

Now she has to figure out which of the gods killed him, and do something about it, before they kill her too.

>> No.75739891

>It's a /pol/-shit meme
>he thinks it's just a meme

>> No.75739895

Women don't hate men. They had assholes who treat women like a prize or object.

>> No.75739969

>my husband shapeshifted into your husband and fucked you
>I will now endeavor to ruin you and your offsprings life for the rest of eternity
>i'm the good guy here :))))))))))

>> No.75740012

A dick move justifies not just trying to kill the child, not just sending monsters that made who knows how many innocent victims but als driving the man mad to the point where he kills his own family.

You may be the biggest simp I've ever seen on the internet, and your competitors are 'men' who donate their rent money to Twitch thots.

>> No.75740021

Never said she was the good guy. I said its no wonder she was extra spiteful with that particular kid

>> No.75740101

>an amazingly attractive tomboy musclegirl died before Zeus could fuck him
you done fucked up

>> No.75740121

You simping for fucking Hera implies between the lines that either she's the good guy or you have no dignity whatsoever. Maybe both.

>> No.75740164

Didden't his mom name him Heracles to appease Hera, because once you are in that position it's kinda hard to get the forgiveness of the goddess.

>> No.75740352

Youre demented dude. How emasculated do you have to be to act like this? Youre the human embodiment of a chihuahua, youre socially malajusted & now you're spazzing out because you have this idea that I'm defending her actions some how because god forbid you take a second to read intent.

>> No.75740381


This is the mark of a reddit

>> No.75740408

>they had assholes
As we've seen

>> No.75740441
File: 5.46 MB, 3113x5305, Apollo_of_the_Belvedere.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Not to dis your thread but if Zeus died his heir was his son Apollo, not his wife. I forget which myth it is talked about but it was one of the terms of him remarrying after Leto, who was his wife before Hera.

Part of the reason why I know this is because I looked into the relationships of the gods for a game I ran. In my game Apollo DID kill his own father for the throne but there was other reasons mixed in.

That aside Zeus ruled by both might and likability among the other gods. Hera does not have either of those things in the amount needed to keep the throne for long on her own. She would need strong allies. Ares is the only of her kids that is powerful and likes her to the degree to support her. She would need a husband and both of Zeus brothers would be off the table. Because they could easily make a claim for the throne for themselves without her.

>> No.75740471
File: 39 KB, 260x520, girls explained.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

this really is basic stuff

>> No.75740530


>> No.75740668


>> No.75740873

>Zeus dies
>Thinking fucking Hera would be in charge
There's like, a solid 8 or 9 gods and demigods who would have claim to throne over Hera, and that's JUST with Zeus' direct relatives.

>> No.75741135

I wonder how a marriage between Hera and Hades would have gone

>> No.75741700

>Women don't hate men
HAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA. Imagine simping for women on a peruvian tiny plasticman's game of pretend board

>> No.75741771

Yes. She also was forced to live as a pregnant cow being chased by cowflies Hera created specifically to torment her because Zeus turned her into a cow after fucking her to try and hide the act.

But no, Hera dindu nuffin wrong. She a good girl.

>> No.75744187


Depends on how much of Hera's vengefulness and spitefulness was triggered by Zeus's whoring and infidelity vs how much was a core of her personality.

Pushing Ares for the succession would be her best bet. I wouldn't put it past the greek pantheon for them to try and marry, too.

>> No.75745579

Zeus saw a mirror
stuck his dick inside his ass
died of rectal prolapse

>> No.75745622

Actually kinda hard to imagine Hades leaving Persephone. They were the one loving relatively loyal couple in Greek myth, don't break them apart.

>> No.75745677

Listen fuckers, can you imagine being the goddess of MARRIAGE and your husband spends all day every day fuckin everyone but you?? Granted, Hera should have taken her grievances up with Zeus himself, but she probably knew what a backhand across time and space felt like and decided to go for the lower hanging fruit. That's also an interesting point since Zeus never really did much to stop Hera from retaliating against his conquests.

>> No.75745871

>Never said she was the good guy
>>>Hera is not evil

>> No.75745911
File: 344 KB, 1028x1024, QPcW8ll[1].png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Listen fuckers, can you imagine being the goddess of MARRIAGE and your husband spends all day every day fuckin everyone but you??
Yeah, it's called being a shitty wife. She literally had ONE JOB and fucked it up so hard it caused half of the problems in Greek mythology.

>> No.75745950

>That's also an interesting point since Zeus never really did much to stop Hera from retaliating against his conquests.
Zeus, too, is a psycho and rapist but he gets let off too easy compared to Hera

>> No.75746034


Women don't hate men, just misogynist incels like (you).

>> No.75746108
File: 789 KB, 1887x2545, how women argue.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.75746170

Juno was actually a very important deity in the Roman pantheon, arguably more important than Jupiter, given that her sphere was marriage, the household, nurturing, and home life.

Juno was also the chief deity of the Italian religion that predated the absorption of the Greek religion.

Everyone remembers Hera for her jealousy and her attempts at killing Heracles, but day-to-day Greeks dedicated temples and sacrifices to her, held marriages at her temple, and all women prayed to her for daily help.

But this board is full of virgins that are mad at women, so I guess a goddess is whatever you need her to be.

>> No.75746203

>The natural heir to zeus's throne is apollo, after him ares
Ares is Zeus’s only legitimate son, being born in wedlock from Hera. Apollo and Artemis are bastard children. Arguably Athena has more claim, as she is Zeus’s first born from Métis, his first wife that he consumed.

>> No.75746248

Isn’t every successive generation weaker than the last in Greek myth? Chaos is the strongest, then Ouranos and Gaia, then Kronos and the Titans, then Zeus and the Olympians. Kronos and Zeus only managed to overcome their fathers because they had help from their mothers.

>> No.75746354

All women are niggers.

>> No.75746392

>Sure she tried to kill a newborn child, unleashed horrible monsters upon the world to kill said child when he became an adult and when that failed he drove him mad to the point where he killed his family, but if you hate her for that you're just a neckbeard because Greek women prayed to her which automatically means they liked her. It's not like the central theme of Greek myth, which Plato criticized, is that the gods do whatever the fuck they want and you are limited by whatever fate has in store for you or anything.

The Greeks prayed to their gods for the same reason your virgin ass gave Brad lunch money in high school. Roman gods were slightly better, but still operated by Do Ut Des as their basic principle. They didn't pray and make sacrifices because it gave them the fuzzy-wuzzies.

It's more accurate to say that women are the niggers of gender.

>> No.75746550

Are you an overweight female wiccan?

>> No.75746777

>wasn’t nice
hell of an understatement

>> No.75747149

Herc was kind of a prick

>> No.75747175
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>> No.75747183

I think it's assuming Hades and Hera married before Hades and persephone had a chance to happen

>> No.75747399

Hades would have been best for top god. Zeus would probably have been happier taking care of the dead and their realm, he'd meet lots of interesting people and have access to unlimited bling and booze whilst having far fewer responsibilities and no actual need or expectation to marry.

Hades marries Hera, stays faithful to her and she probably doesn't turn into a spiteful turbo-bitch. Hades always seemed firm but fair in his dealings and at least gave the impression that he cared about the law beyond the Zeus' method of rule which was "You do what I say, I'll do what I like". Would the Hades and Hera marriage have been happy? Possibly yes but also possibly not, but it wouldn't have been unhappy. Or at least not as unhappy.

The olympians would get up to less questionable shit because the boss is actually watching and isn't, at best, indifferent.

The main antagonist of the pantheon and bane of mortals would then be Poseidon because he's a very powerful psycopath who owns the sea and controls the weather. He's also something every Greek who wants to travel has to deal with.

>> No.75747626

Everyone in the ancient Greek stories was a prick, it's about finding the least awful person.

Hercules and Hades are pretty good people when compared to Zeus and Poseidon.

>> No.75747751

Hades was cool

Thanatos seemed to just do his job

Persephone was genuinely respected and her marriage with Hades was seen as an equal partnership with her taking her job seriously

Apollo had a lot of bad luck with Romance but wasn't particularly malicious

Hephaestus was usually pretty chill, except that time he decided trying to rape Athena of all goddesses was a good idea

Hecate was well regarded as well, I think

Artemis and Athena were typically okay so long as you didn't piss them off (their tempers were pretty fucking bad, though)

Hestia was best girl

>> No.75747777
File: 1.87 MB, 1200x1553, 469c5d36588983.5721a1121f824[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Artemis and Athena were typically okay so long as you didn't piss them off
Athena fucked over Arachne purely because she was a better weaver. There's a very low bar for pissing Athena off. Let's also not forget how she completely fucked over Hector in his duel with Achilles.

>> No.75747780

>good people when compared to Zeus and Poseidon.
A bar so fucking low it now enters the jurisdiction of Hades.

>> No.75747832

Were any of the gods being reasonable during the Trojan War?

>> No.75747910

magnum chaos

>> No.75748287
File: 40 KB, 440x826, Hestia_Giustiniani.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I think that you have a poor understanding of the Capitoline Triad. All three of those gods were expressly to be honored in equal measure because they were the three patrons of the city of rome. In classic era med culture to honor one of the partons gods of your city over the others is to lose the favor of the others.

Having said that the Capitoline Triad was only the favorite of the urban Romans. The rural ones favored Mars and Vesta. Those cults both over tooks Juno and Minerva. Functional those cults lost the place of being patrons of the Rome well before the punic wars or the mixing of the Roman faith and the Greek one. Also....

>her sphere was marriage, the household, nurturing, and home life.

At the start for the ubrans yes. However the spheres of marriage, the household, and home life were taken from her by Vesta early on. Juno end up being more about vital force, heath (both good and bad), and childbearing for most of the period she had a official cult.

> but day-to-day Greeks dedicated temples and sacrifices to her

She was likely the least popular of the gods that greeks could agree were part of the 12 Olympians, not even joking. very few cities had her as one of their patrons, and a lot of smaller cities did not have a temple to her.

> held marriages at her temple

Yes. But they also did the same at temples to Hestia, Aphrodite, Artemis (mostly in Anatolia), Poseidon, Zeus, and in a small number of places Apollo and Dionysus as well. The last two may sound odd and honestly to most period Greeks it was a odd place for a wedding. But in some places it was popular local tradition.

>and all women prayed to her for daily help.

My understanding is that is more of a Hestia thing.

>> No.75749495

Hestia is best girl

>> No.75752722

Hera is the Stacy who married unfaithful Chad PURELY because he was a turbochad, and you think she's gonna be happy with his responsible older brother? She married the high-school QB, she's not going to be satisfied with the dude who got an engineering degree and opened his own business.

On another note, Hera isn't depicted as petty and selfish because she has a bad husband, she's petty and selfish because the Greeks only had three archetypes for women: holy virgin (Artemis, athena), distracting fucktoy (aphrodite), or nagging jealous housewife (guess who). For the greeks no woman could ever be virtuous and good in the presence of man. Only isolated virgins and women not born of women (IE, she doesn't exist) need apply.

>> No.75752744

Why you gotta post cringe bro?

>> No.75752747

>Athena fucked over Arachne purely because she was a better weaver.
And bragged that she was a better craftsperson than anyone the gods. Which yeah turned out to be true, but still really stupid to brag about it.

>> No.75752924

Happier than she is with Zeus.

>> No.75752974

Hmm didden't one of them become human again and ruled in Egypt and was worshipped as a goddess?

>> No.75753235

It all comes down to Zeus liking bestiality, and Hera wasn’t about that shit. So Zeus goes elsewhere to drop Horse nut into random bitches on earth.
Greek Myths portray all the godly beings as assholes you appease so they don’t murder/cuck/transform/torment you.

>> No.75753333

Yet she's married to Zeus, the god who bangs everything that moves.

>> No.75753408
File: 296 KB, 494x800, 1600923428513.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Hestia was best girl
Hestia is besta

>> No.75753414

This is actually a nice topic and a bit different from the norm. I enjoyed the talk.

>> No.75753474

> woman
> ruling
Hades or Posiden would immediately take over. Or Ares.
Hera would go back to the basic bitch closet where she belongs while the new King of the Gods fucks Aphroditie on the throne.
Apollo watches and jerks off in the corner or something

>> No.75753626

Ares was just looking out for his kids, man.

>> No.75753638

and its made by the same studio as the castlevania show

>> No.75753708

I hate women who believe that their hole is the most valuable thing in the world and that they don't need to possess positive qualities or self-actualization and just expect other people to make their lives happy for them.

>> No.75753980

My rule for immortals(in fantasy settings) is that they can't die, but sometimes they can be destroyed under specific circumstances(a demon can't be killed in mortal realm, but if you hunt it down and confront it in its lair, you can destroy it with a blessed or enchanted blade; a god can only be slain by the power of other gods or beings of similar caliber; and so on)

>> No.75754033

Okay, fair enough

Hera tried really hard not to marry Zeus. He spent like, a century pursuing her and basically manipulated her into falling for him. She didn't want to marry him, mostly because she knew he wouldn't be a good husband.

Also, what about Penelope and Atalanta?

In the case of Hades, it's said that Persephone ruled the underworld as more or less his equal when she was around. So long as Hera did a good job, Hades probably wouldn't mind her ruling.

>> No.75754339

>Arguably Athena has more claim, as she is Zeus’s first born from Métis, his first wife that he consumed.
The same logic could also apply to Dionysus, since Zeus sewed his unborn/stillborn fetus into him until it grew enough to pop out fully formed like Athena, making him technically a son of Metis too since she was absorbed into Zeus's body by that point.

Incidentally the reason Zeus ate Metis in the first place is because she was prophesied to bear a son that would eventually overthrow him the same way he overthrew his father. That makes Dionysis the legit heir to Olympus and destined successor to Zeus.

>> No.75754467

Wait, Metis was Dionysus' mom?

>> No.75754604

She rubbed it the fuck in that she was better at weaving. It was a cruel and petty punishment but she should have seen it coming

>> No.75755517

>destined successor to Zeus.
Unless, you know, Zeus's other three divine children, two of whom are war gods, punch him unconscious and tie him to a bear or something.

>> No.75755541

No, Dionysus's mom was named Semele and Zeus unintentionally killed her by revealing his true form (it was Hera's fault). But as I refcall the prophecy was that Metis was destined to bear a son that would overthrow his father, doesn't say anything about her having to be his mom, and Zeus very specifically doesn't kill Metis, he eats her or consumes her or absorbs her but she is never said to be dead, she's a part of him. And if there's one thing we know about Greek prophecies it's that they will stretch the limits of word choice and plausibility in order to come true. Given all this, what's the easiest way for the prophecy to come true? If you guessed "get Zeus pregnant with a son" congrats, you are now qualified to be an ancient greek story teller.

The logic goes like this. Metis was absorbed by Zeus, by eating her she became a part of him, since she was pregnant Zeus becomes pregnant too. Zeus carrys her daughter to term and Athena is born fully formed from the flesh of Zeus. Athena is simultaneously both the daughter of Metis and also a "motherless goddess" born from a man. That tracks so far right?

Now let's look at our our favorite wine god. Zeus sews the unborn Dionysus into himself, since Metis is now part of Zeus he is also sewing Dionysus into Metis. Zeus carrys Dionysus to term and Dionysus is born fully formed from the flesh of Zeus. Metis has now born Zeus a son. Dionysis is the child of Zeus and Semele, born from the flesh of Zeus and Metis. Prophecy fulfilled, all hail the future ruler of Olympus, Dionysus, god of wine, rebirth, secrets, and the best goddamn parties this side of the Agean.

>> No.75755632

Something about this is starting to look like Arthurian Mythology to me. As in "mostly fanfiction written by foreign authors after the fact". Where is all this coming from? I could be wrong, but I'd like to know your sources.

>> No.75755686

>Blonde Big Tiddy Milf

>Having their epitome of maleness and kingly demeanor, Zeus, get impregnated twice
>massive boner no homo tho

Why are the greeks so so gay. Dudes invented mpreg fetish fanfics thousands of years before Tumblr existed

>> No.75756424

>naming the kid after the dudes wife
That was Athena. She told Alcmene that it would totally calm Hera down when Alcmene prayed to her asking for the wisdom to avert Hera's wrath. Then Athena tricked Hera into breastfeeding baby Herc, and Herc is a biter.

Maybe Zeus should have been more careful about his sleeping around, sure. But let us not discount how much of a fucking bitch Athena was to her stepmother.

>> No.75756526

>Hecate was well regarded as well, I think
Nah, only really by Hesiod because he had a massive boner for her and wrote several pages of his Theogeny about how she is the bestest and prettiest and most virginal and sacred of goddesses.

>> No.75756579

Ares was there to protect his children, he at one point threatens to go against Zeus just to protect them and has to be basically wrestled to the ground by 2-3 other gods and held down.

>> No.75756611

>he eats her or consumes her or absorbs her but she is never said to be dead
She's in his stomach. If somebody did what Zeus did to Kronos, he could probably be forced to vomit her back up.

>> No.75756635

He accidentally his own lightning bolt.

>> No.75756715


You mean the bitch who punished a young girl for having the bad judgment of getting raped in one of Athena's temples (while not punishing the rapist) by turning her into a hideous monster who petrified anything that looked at her?

>> No.75756808

It was only men that turned to stone, Gorgons were Athena's pet project and she didn't loose her job and was still tending a temple when some murderhobo murdered her.

I'm not saying it was anything like a perfect solution, because the greek gods weren't very good at a lot of things, but she never had to worry about being raped again and Athena couldn't do shit to crazy uncle Poseidon except probably get beaten up and raped by him.

>> No.75756815

She could have gone and killed one of Poseidon’s kids. That’s what Ares did when his daughter was raped.

>> No.75756926

Why does Ares seem to be hated by everybody yet is secretly absolutely based?

>> No.75757056

Not Heracles' mom. Maybe the one Zeus pissed on.

>> No.75757152
File: 86 KB, 801x501, Warfare is based.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Because he knew that war was shitty and you do whatever dirty trick you have to in order to win it while Athena pretended to be "noble" and "honorable" whenever she wasn't turning women into garden pests. Nobody likes a war criminal even if they're willing to ignore his actions because he's fighting for your side, least of all when he's objectively correct.

>> No.75757201

Zeus retired. Wanted to go harem it up with the mortals and let his wife take over.

>> No.75757335

Because Womyn. Ares was revered by the Spartans who kicked major ass. Like >>75757152
said. War isn't fair. If you don't resort to foul play you are fucked because you enemy isn't going to give two shits about honor. Athena had the pussy pass.

>> No.75757462

>Hephaestus who tried to rape Athena.
And here I thought Hephaestus was a good boi

>> No.75757544


>> No.75757547

Except Hera is the patron goddess of marriage. Doing something like this is not conducive to her getting more worshippers.

>> No.75757661

The rest will be more diligent in making offerings to her else she will ruin their marriage.

>> No.75757695

We're talking about Zeus god of the Assholes, it would honestly be easier to list the people who didn't want him dead.

>> No.75757794
File: 266 KB, 1000x800, SetRapingHorus.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Ares is kind of like Set of the Egyptian Pantheon. He's really a foreign deity who had some influence and developed a cult among Greek culture over centuries of interactions with foreign peoples. As the idea of a distinct "Greek" culture developed his popularity dropped in favor of "Native Gods". As stories developed and were retold they naturally grew to favor the reputations of the patrons of the influential City States telling the stories, of which Ares didn't really have any. That's why groups like the Spartans who revered Ares "Chained Him" in order to keep him in their city. It's because even they acknowledged that Ares didn't really belong to them. Ares wanted to go hang out with actually cool people like the Scythians or the Thracians.

So you get situations like in the Illiad where Ares get's bodied by a mortal and Zeus randomly spends a page telling Ares how he's stupid and that Zeus hates him for being a Warmonger and that Athena is better then he'll ever be.

>> No.75757921

Because 95% of the literary record we have is from Athens, and Athens had a vested interest in shittalking Ares while making Athena look like she was better than him. In truth the opposite was the case, outside Attica and Athens proper it was Ares who was much more often the most important war god, and Athena generally just a subsidiary goddess (in Corinth Athena is considered less credible a war goddess than fucking APHRODITE).

>> No.75757938

Ares was huge in Thrace, less so in Sparta, and also if I recall rightly in Thessaly and several other northern Greek poleis. In the eastern Greek states (islands, near-east etc. and so on near Persia) he was very important as well.

>> No.75758438

Well yes and no, your picture is pretty false as to what happen afterwards. Athena got mad at Arachne and bitched her out so hard that Arachne hanged herself. Athena calmed the fuck down and realized what she caused and transformed Arachne into a spider so that she could do what she loved in life forever.

>> No.75758453

Zeus is the dad, the Patriarch that’s never at home and is probably chasing tail and sleeping with some skank.

Hera is the ruler of the household, the arrogant matriarch that runs the whole family and whom everyone has to please. She’s been known to kill babies just because.

Athena is dad’s first daughter from his first wife. She’s a total princess and daddy’s girl and thinks she’s better than everyone else. Her uncle hates her.

Apollo and Diana are his twin bastards from an affair with his cousin. Zeus likes them a lot so they hang around and Hera’s given up trying to fight them. Apollo’s a bit too pretty for his own good, but charming enough to win everyone over.

Ares is Zeus and Hera’s first son, and he’s constantly picking on his younger siblings. His younger brother, Hephaestus, is kind of ugly but has a banging wife, so naturally Ares sleeps with her on the down low. She may or may not be his grand-aunt.

Hades is that old uncle that doesn’t really come around. Everyone thinks he’s a creep because he married a girl like a quarter of his age, and he lets her do whatever she wants. He’s also loaded, unsurprisingly.

Hestia is that aunt that’s always taking care of everyone else. She never married, and is kind of introverted, so everyone’s on good terms with her but no one really notices her.

Heracles is the son that was born after Zeus kinda-sorta raped a married woman. His very existence drives Hera mad and she’s ruined his life for no reason, but the dude is swole as fuck and a bit too good hearted for his own good. Ares fucks with him a lot, but deep down he actually likes the guy.

>> No.75758470

Dionysus is Zeus and Hera’s youngest son. The only things he cares about are parties, getting drunk, getting laid, and living off daddy’s money.

>> No.75758503

Women are more than holes, anon.

>> No.75758507

Both of you completely miss the point of Ares and Athena as they were both war gods. Ares was the down and bloody fight and the slaughter afterwards. Athena was the general that puts the pieces into place and actually has a plan on how to win the fight. You need both to win wars and holding one above the other because you hate women reeks of inceldom.

>> No.75758533
File: 23 KB, 220x268, D4DD6ED9-105A-4CC7-B0CB-AA55A064C292.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

If there is one thing that’s going to kill Zeus It’s definitely dionysus
Patricide is pretty much fated to run in the family

>> No.75758535

To be completely fair Aphrodite is the greek version of Ishtar/Inanna who was a conquering war god, so much so that in myth and real life she took over the domains of other gods and goddesses.

>> No.75758585

If the Olympians fucked around with the politicking too much I can see Hades getting off his throne to slap some sense into all of them. The entire reason the greeks feared him was because he was utterly unyielding and by the book when it came to his godly duties, no amount of sacrificial bribery could change his judgment.

>> No.75758635

>Athena was the general that puts the pieces into place and actually has a plan on how to win the fight
According to Athens.

>> No.75758646

>it's okay for Athena to look down on Ares because he's a man but if you criticize her you're an incel
Yeah nah get fucked roastie.

>> No.75758727

Never said that incel but good try, shouldn't you be on /r9k/ with the rest of the mouth breathers? I was clear in what I said but I will say it again, Ares and Athena are both war gods and represent two different sides of war. One is not higher than the other, they simply are.

>> No.75758764

She killed him or planned to kill him.
I mean Christ, it's amazing there aren't any stories in the actual Greek canon about her trying to do that. He's constantly cucking her and she's insanely vengeful.

>> No.75758805

That's a very modern conception drawn from trend we see in Greek myth, most of which we draw from Athens who had a dislike for Ares as he was the Patron of their rival Polis and an antagonist in many stories involving Gods they favored, such as Athena, Poseidon, and Hephaestus.

>> No.75758820

She tried once

>On one occasion, she also tried to lead a coup against Mount Olympus. She met with Poseidon, Apollo, and Athena in secret, and the four plotted to overthrow Zeus, who was blissfully unaware of their plans. While he slept, they chained him to his bed and stole the thunderbolt that gave him his power. Then, they began to discuss who would be the new ruler of the gods on Mount Olympus.

>While the heated discussion continued, unnoticed, Briareus, a hundred-handed giant, came upon the scene. He freed Zeus, who regained control of Mount Olympus and punished the conspirators severely. They begged for his forgiveness and swore eternal allegiance to him. Despite the many infidelities and great disloyalty between them, the marriage between Hera and Zeus never ended.

>> No.75758857

>Never said that incel
You're certainly enforcing that mindset seeing as the whole conversation is about why everyone seems to hate Ares despite him being one of the more noble gods. You're simping pretty hard for a spiteful cunt.

>> No.75758870

There isn't a Greek Canon. It wasn't a unified Religion. It's only a very nebulous idea unified by trends we see shared between various city states. Those trends don't exist for the sake of "orthodoxy" but rather for what makes a good story. Zeus trysts were seen as a natural extension as his role as a Warrior King. Hera was justified (to a degree) to seek vengeance againts his paramours, but it wouldn't be considered in her nature to seek reprisal against Zeus by directly harming him.

>> No.75758882

How do you fail to notice a hundred-handed giant untying your husband? Doesn't she have her own giant with a hundred eyes? Hera fucking deserves everything she gets.

>> No.75758930

He had a hundred hands, so was really fast at unlocking chains

>> No.75758950

All the Hekatonkhires had 100 hands and 100 heads

>> No.75759069

I believe that Anon is posting a variation of a story whose general gist is "Gods Mad at Zeus, Big Giant helps Zeus, Gods shut their yaps". I'm not sure on which source he's quoiting. The Homeric variation Zeus isn't made to fall asleep, the Gods are just griping at him about the events of the Illiad, and when he thinks they're starting to get insubordinate, he invites the Hecatoncheires, Briareus, to stand beside him at his throne, and everyone instantly backs down

>> No.75759148

Because he's kind of a failure. Athena was the real war god, and she also had a bunch of other domains of power. Ares on the other hand was pretty much just war, and has the glorious distinction of being the only Olympian ever just straight up beaten down by a mortal as far as I know.

>> No.75759157

Not him but https://www.theoi.com is a good reference for Greek mythology. It confirms and sources everything he said, although obviously the part about Dionysus being the future ruler of Olympus is interpretation.

>Hades or Posiden would immediately take over. Or Ares.
Hades and Poseidon yeah. Ares is just some bitch disliked by every Olympian except maybe Aphrodite. You also have to remember that the only reason Zeus's rule was uncontested is because the other gods knew he could take them all on at once and fucking kick them off Olympus if he felt like it. Hera couldn't do that so she wouldn't be able to hold the throne.

>the Greeks only had three archetypes for women
As far as I know, this depends on the sub-era of antiquity. During Aristotle's time, Greeks more or less disliked women, but that wasn't quite the case during Homer's time - about which we don't know much, this is something that is mainly inferred from Helen's portrayal in the Illiad, which is a lot more nuanced than any of the three archetypes you listed.

>> No.75759167

Hera had Argus, who is a many eyed giant unrelated to the Hecatoncheires, but he was killed by Hermes when Hera had captured Io, a Paramour of Zeus.

>> No.75759168

>t. Athens
Fuck off Pericles, don’t you have a war to lose?

>> No.75759184

It's like you are reading what I wrote and missing the point so completely that I might as well been writing in arabic. This "whole conversation" has an incel seething that people wrote about a Athena and not so much about Ares. I point out that both are war gods and they were given their due for what area of war they both were involved in. Said incel can't believe that a man and a woman would be held on the same level and shits himself. It's an eye opener that you can't even have a conversation about greek gods without an incel crying about everyone going on about "roasties and simps".
So eat shit incel and keep on crying about the women who will never touch your cock or even give you the time of day. I am sure it's always their fault and not about any personal flaws you have.

>> No.75759188

Athena, Aphrodite, Artemis, Hephaestus, and Apollo all got their shit pushed in by various mortals in myth.

>> No.75759239

Aphrodite was the worst of them all. If she hadn't whisked Paris away during his duel he would have died to Menelaus, Menelaus would have taken back Helen along with some loot and Troy would have been left intact.

>> No.75759282
File: 18 KB, 480x712, TitusGetTheCross.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Letting a body like that die for some Ionian colony
>Wishing for a timeline that doesn't contain the Glory of Rome.

>> No.75759348

How many of those are them getting beat in their own domain of power? Ares losing a fight means a lot more than a bimbo or craftsman losing a fight.

>> No.75759358

Hera sounds pretty based ngl.

>> No.75759429

>tfw when no /ss/ ares Hera dojin

>> No.75759441

>Hades did not want to rule Olympus
I'm not completely sure about that. Zeus, Poseidon and Hades drew lots to split the world between them so he might have been fine with ruling Olympus or the seas.

>> No.75759489
File: 1.87 MB, 345x237, 4d5.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>incel incel incel wahh wahh
The Greek Gods are not real you fucking spastic and the Greeks were absolutely sexist like pretty much every other ancient culture.

>> No.75759524

Hades was the one holding the lots because he was the only trustworthy one of the three, and two of them knew it. Little did they know he rigged the draw because he didn't want to deal with squabbling gods or fuckin fish (and also several titans).

>> No.75759570


>> No.75759595

>*deep fuckin inhale*
Ohai reddit-kun.

>> No.75759618
File: 281 KB, 960x720, 1568679198285.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>OPPRESSED WOMEN AND YIUGFD D BBbj musk vintners NJ no k kkk

>> No.75759651

>This "whole conversation" has an incel seething
Why are roasties always so obvious when they screech?

>> No.75759760

technically dionysus is in charge, but he an alcoholic so the gods elected hera as a compromise candadate to run things or him.

>> No.75759767

Apollo literally loses at Delphi, his most important temple.

>> No.75759809

Bitch please. Paris could have chosen greatness but he decided to pick some girl instead. He's a bitch and the only Trojan who deserved to die.

>> No.75759859

>victory in battle and wisdom
>kingship of all the cities of the earth
>tits and ass baby
Paris was a coomer.

>> No.75759893

That was Aphrodite's fault, albeit potentially incidental I suppose? She offered him true love with the most beautiful woman on Earth, who happened to be Helen of Sparta at that time. Of course that whole exchange happened because Zeus didn't have the chutzpah to just pick a Goddess. The only reason Paris was chosen as the arbiter is because he was known to be a pretty fair dude.

>> No.75760600

In most and earlier versions of the myth, Medusa very consensually hooked up with Poseidon

>> No.75760623

Plus, depending on the version of the myth, kidnapping Helen in the first place

>> No.75760629

>be the personification of matronly womanhood
>also a huge bitch
Based ancient Greeks

>> No.75760635

>Choose the fairest

>One is your wife

>One is your fucking daughter

>One is the goddess of beauty

Just fucking say your wife, then get away with pissing off the other two because you're the goddamn king of the gods, come on Zeus

>> No.75760700

Oh yeah. On top of that the Illiad does imply that Helen is at least partially coerced by Aphrodite to be Paris's wife.

Nah. He did what any Chad would do and told them to fuck off with their stupid apple.

>> No.75760982

>She's in his stomach.
Then why did Athena come out of his head?

>> No.75761046

Because Athena is the goddess of wisdom.

>> No.75761167

Hey this is ancient Greece, a prophecy is no joke. If the fates say Dionysus is the heir then events will conspire to make him so. It's not like Dionysus is a pushover or anything, this is the same guy that can induce madness and drive people insane, and his cult ritually dismembered people so often the greeks had their own word for it.

>> No.75761420

It does also follow the theme of succession from primal father to decadent son, going from a force of nature to a kingly deity to a somewhat noble fuckboi to an out and out fop.

>> No.75761777

>free Masonic inspired twitter tier *Reek fanfic has the next in line to be supreme ruler either
>a) a femcel of autism/elitism
>b) some chode who’s drunk all the time and half retarded

>> No.75761806

Women don’t hate men

They just see us as disposable cattle

>> No.75762697

And they absolutely despise men who refuse to fulfill that role. Hence the need to belittle and bully the shit out of gender isolationists like MGTOWs instead of just letting them do their own thing. You'd think women would be happy to let MGTOWs exist since they're allegedly all ugly virgin incel neckbeards who can't get laid anyways so it sounds like a win-win to have the select themselves out of the dating pool but hot damn if they don't make femoids screech for some reason.

>> No.75764448

ntayrt but you’re attributing him with what others may have written. Nowhere did he suggest anything like what you’re saying he did.

>> No.75766974

Well your other options are
>The literal embodiment of a woman scorned
>Dumb brute who everyone hates
>Ugly guy who would rather make cool toys all day than be in charge
>Zeus but underwater
>The one competent guy who absolutely doesn't want the job
>A fuckboi with as many dead lovers as his dad had bastards
>A trickster who would much rather prank his fellow gods than rule them

Honestly they're all horrible options for one reason or another.

>> No.75767898

She literally rants at him for a page about how she was forced into it and wants to go back to her big strong muscled warrior king husband, but Aphrodite won't let her. She even insults Paris's manhood in the process.

>> No.75767935

She didn't offer Paris true love. She offered him Helen. Not even Helen's love.

Zeus didn't choose because he wanted the Trojan War to start, if you read the Cypria sections of the Trojan Cycle the very first line is literally "Zeus conspires with Themis to bring about the Trojan War" and has him make sure Eris isn't invited, then tells her she should come anyway to take revenge.

>> No.75770518

Hades is the only one who would make a decent King, but if he takes Olympus who takes the underworld?

>> No.75770581

Hades had some kids didn't he? I can't think of any atm.

>> No.75772229

Simp or hole. Either way, disregard its post.

>> No.75772278

Zagreus, with Persephone. Possibly one or two others, but records of them are very spotty and may also be attributed to being Zeus’ children, or children of Heracles. Hades doesn’t sleep around.

>> No.75772310
File: 93 KB, 680x599, BallOfArmsMan.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Ball of arms man, true champion of olympus

>> No.75772334

>honourable, keeps his word
>reasonable, eminently fair in his judgements
>rich as fuck, eldest and most noble of the Olympians
>loyal to his wife unlike 99.9% of gods
Why was Demeter angry about the marriage again? There is literally nothing wrong with Hades as a husband.

>> No.75772375

She's a republican and mistook Gothic for goth.

>> No.75772405

Well he did abduct her daughter. I can see how that would make a protective parent a bit hesitant.

>> No.75772760
File: 490 KB, 449x401, 1405882052891.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>he fell for the meme

>> No.75772852

Olympian Monarch Worthiness Ranks, assuming Z is dead/gone. In order from most worthy to least worthy IMO.

A man of his word, doesn't sleep around, hard but fair. Might have some issues with not being a people person, and I'd argue that his role as king of the underworld (thus controlling all the dead monsters, humans, and the titans imprisoned in tartarus) is actually way more important. He'd be a good King but he's the only one responsible and consistent enough to do his current job.
Just as good as hades. Has been running Olympus forever, because no way is Zeus the type to run a city. Fickle and jealous, but administering a clan is literally her thing.
The smart rich girl who can nonetheless fight. Slightly edges out Ares for being smarter and having a broader sphere of influences.
Tends to be portrayed as sort of a failure by Athenian stories, but is an ace fighter and is dangerously based when it comes to protecting his kids.
A bit of a fop, but prophecy would give him a major edge in ruling.
Seems to mostly be a competent functionaries. Not really king material but better than most below.
Zeus but wet. Dumb, rapey, and petty, but strong, already a king in his own right, and as far as I know he has more mythological descendents and followers than any other god, including several whole species.
Should be the canon successor. Keeps the fathers dying to sons theme going, and fits the trend of strong fathers being slain by weaker more decadent sons.
An antisocial nerdy engineer. Would hate the job and suffer from his lack of social skill and personal power, but a strong mind and crafting relics would help.
Fickle, no leadership experience.
Demeter but nicer and less experienced.
Not always portrayed negatively, but fickle, introverted, and hates men.
A timid person cannot be a monarch.
Potrayed as fickle, stupid, and jealous.

>> No.75772868

>why was the mother upset when her daughter was kidnapped against her will
>and then forced to stay in the underworld for a part of the year because the daughter was tricked into eating some underworld food by Hades

>> No.75772878

>why would a mom be worried about her 50 year old brother abducting and raping her 15 year old daughter

>> No.75773014

>kidnapped, forced
>when according to myth Persephone was actually happy to stay with Hades

>> No.75773020


>> No.75773039

When Hermes goes to collect her at Zeus’ behest, she’s described as sitting happily and comfortably, the entire impetus of the argument is placed on Demeter, and all the gods Demeter consults say Persephone is happy, she has a good husband, one high in honour, and so on. Art also shows them as being in a very congenial relationship.

>> No.75773049

I said sauce not more of your opinion.

>> No.75773192
File: 181 KB, 730x900, hector[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

The real tragedy isn't so much that Paris lived, but that Hector died. He's the only man who did absolutely nothing wrong, he died because Athena is a cunt who fucked him over and even as he was bleeding out with a spear jammed in his throat all he asked was to let his family mourn him in peace. There's a reason why he's the only character from the Illiad that's among the Nine Worthies.

I know that "we wuz Trojans" was just something some Roman historian (Livy?) pulled out of his ass, but I wonder how many Romans actually believed this and if the empire's conversion to Christianity impacted how many people believed it. I guess it's a meme of the same caliber as FYROMfags believing they are descendants of Alexander the Great.

>> No.75773203

The world would be a hell of a lot more fun with Dio in charge.

>> No.75773233
File: 35 KB, 680x383, 7a3[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>ZA WARUDO would be a hell of a lot more fun with Dio in charge.
This thread is now over.

>> No.75773328

Still sounds like it's Zeus' fault.

>> No.75773370

Yo honestly, fuck Rome. World couldn't have been conquered by a more boring people. Well, maybe the Isrealites or something.

>> No.75773386
File: 35 KB, 750x713, 1504027527386[1].png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Barbarians are not welcome on this board.

>> No.75773410

Romans actually threw kind of a tantrum after they conquered Greece because the Greeks wouldn't stop calling them barbarians.

>> No.75773461
File: 61 KB, 805x673, 1451369601173.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

And who had the last laugh in that scenario? I guess technically the Greeks, considering the half of the Roman Empire that survived into the Middle Ages was thoroughly Hellenized.

>> No.75773523

There are already plenty of Chtonic Gods working alongside Hades, they just tend to be more nebulous and vague in our understanding because the whole thing about being a "Cthonic" deity is that your cults do many things that inherently make them more secretive and harder for archeologists to learn about. Poseidon used to be considered a "Cthonic" deity, and sometimes even specifically titled as "King of the Underworld" when he was seemingly the most prominent God of the Mycenean pantheon before the Bronze Age collapse.

>> No.75773526

>City: Lost
>Language: Lost
>Original Gods: Lost
>Republican Government: Lost
>Stoic, Warlike Culture: Lost
>Hatred for the Motherfucking Barbaroi: Still going strong, baby

Based Byzantium showing what the true essence of SPQR is.

>> No.75773547
File: 7 KB, 620x348, Deep.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Forgot muh pic

>> No.75773813

I get the fluid nature of mythology as a whole, but considering this discussion is about the succession crisis of an implied Greek mythological canon, I still think the characterization of Hades as being largely reliable and consistent is important. This is the dude who lords over every dead human and monster in a setting where the dead can come back to life by just getting out of Hades. This is the dude who wardens the prison of the titans and other ancient primal forces. I think Hades is exactly where he needs to be, and even if he could be a better king than Zeus, he's probably needed more in his own realm.

>> No.75775243

As Zeus once overthrew his father Cronus and the Titans, just as Cronus had once overthrown his father Uranus. Given how they treated him, it should've came as no surprise when Hephaestus, god of the forge, craftsmanship and mechanization followed in the family tradition by overthrowing his father Zeus and claiming his position as the new ruler of Olympus.

Hephaestus was never strong enough to face his tormentors directly, so he used his specialization to cheat so he wouldn't have to. He defeated Ares, god of war by ending first glory and heroism in war by making a world where the greatest, most heroic warrior could be unceremoniously shot by a conscript who didn't even want to be there without even seeing the face of his enemy, then ending war altogether by inspiring the creation and distribution of weapons so terribly powerful neither side dared use them least their enemies retaliate in kind, Hera by making machines rendering her notion of family and societal roles economically impractical...
...and Aphrodite by creating a beauty greater than her.

>> No.75775847

Heph, get off of 4chan.

>> No.75775990

He created the modern world entirely out of spite.

>> No.75777861

Reject modernity
Return to the Titans

>> No.75777877

powerful gods like Poseidon or Apollo would overthrow her.

>> No.75777897

So what conclusion did we reach? Is Hera the winner?

>> No.75777916

Zeus saw a hot chick in the underworld and said "HOLY FUCKING SHIT BRO CHECK THIS OUT" and never returned
Hades has been trying to get him the fuck out ever since, but Zeus wouldn't budge

>> No.75777934

>Would never happen because greek societal norms would never allow a woman to rule

Greek societal norms woudl never allow for Zeus to die in the first place. Should their religion get that kind of an update, we are talking about radically different cutlure.

>> No.75777937

Bruh, that's not the conclusion. That's the basic premise of the thread.

>> No.75778018

I am stealing this for my game.

>> No.75778068

I was expecting sexbots. That would surely get Zeus off his throne for a while.

>> No.75778127

>Hephaestus usurps Zeus by creating the ultimate sex machine that keeps him too busy cooming to bother with ruling Olympos
Sounds like a 400 IQ power move.

>> No.75778208

>has to make another sexbot every five minutes because dad wrecked the last one so hard
Such is the price to pay

>> No.75778251

And I hate that. Hera might try to fuck over Zeus bastard from times to times, but she wouldn't outright destroy the world, she remain the protector of woman (cheating whore need not to apply of course) and children and godess of mariage.
But every modern retelling keep making her a vilain, when she is just mad Zeus is being well Zeus and fucking around. And she dosn't even stop loving him, she remain loyal and faithfull to him. Yeah she take out her anger on his mistress and bastard but most of said bastard can take it anyway.
Zeus is a retard for having the litteral godess of waifu and not taking good care of her. Just give her the dick man.

>> No.75778410

For like the 5th time this thread, look at how she treated Hercules and explain to me -in excruciating detail- how she isn't a massive cunt.

>> No.75778427

I litteraly said in my post that she passed her anger on Zeus bastard. And again, it's not like Hercules couldn't take it.

>> No.75778433

>Why is Tesla in WW2 he was a 19th century historical figure REEEEEEEEEE

>> No.75778445

>And again, it's not like Hercules couldn't take it
Not only is that post-facto justification (sure, I stabbed him in the chest but he survived!) but he sure as fuck couldn't "take" killing his own family. It's not like modern retelling make her a villain out of nowhere, as opposed to Hades with forced Satan parallels that make no sense in a Greek context.

>> No.75778458

Femdom is gay

>> No.75778482

>I litteraly said in my post that she passed her anger on Zeus bastard

So you agree that she is a massive cunt and deservedly portrayed as a villain.

>> No.75778633

Not particulary by Greek Standart. Athena changed some girl (and her sister) for fucking Poseidon in her temple into a monster and she was supposedly one of the nicer one. Greek Gods just fucked mortal over and Hera was far from being the worst one. Hell Zeus changed Chiron daughter into a horse because she had a augury he didn't like. it's just part of the course of being a Greek Divinity.

>> No.75779919

looks like a democrate

>> No.75781091

Makes sense for an alternate history greek industrial revolution.

>> No.75781195

There are gods like Hestia and Hades who were good for their word and didn't fuck over mortals though. The Greek gods being petty assholes wasn't just in their nature, the greeks of the time still realized shit like raping your brother's daughter or murdering your friends are awful things to do. The gods had flaws, and the greeks recognized this.

>> No.75782138
File: 63 KB, 407x500, Newkratos.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Kratos kills zeus and free's his siter Nike.
In the wake of Chaos Eris rules heaven, earth and underworld.
So Kratos and his siblings give their virtues to the world. Strenght, Victory, Life and Zeal. And thus it is humanity now that has to overcome chaos with those virtues.

>> No.75782287

Eris isn't chaos, she is discord and disorder. If anything, those four virtues would be her servants or allies.

>> No.75782537
File: 827 KB, 200x180, 48986.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Discord and chaos are the same are they not? Still that would had been a better outcome for God of war than the one we got.

>> No.75784869

Depends, I've seen versions of the myth where Athena was genuinely trying to help her priestess by answering Medusa's prayers to be made un-rapable.

>> No.75785110

How would you, if you were Hera in the next hour, min-max? This is before Zeus tries to marry you.

>> No.75785521

Depends, does Zeus also get prep time?

>> No.75785529


Zeus doesn't know that anon is now Hera.

>> No.75786563

Ares helped Odin betray his father, unknowing that Odin was planning to destroy reality, if the heroes of the three kingdoms and the sengoku jidai don't act with valour who knows what will happen!

>> No.75787783

Eros and Psyche is canonically the best marriage in Greek Mythology. That isn't saying a lot but still

>> No.75787827

Jumper cables are involved, leading from the mechanism to Hephaestus' equipment. He's running all his machines off his father's electricity.

>> No.75789560

Amphytrite deals with the same thing from Poseidon and doesn’t throw a shitfit like Hera, clearly gender isn’t the main issue.

>> No.75790513

>a lone Hephaestus is in his workshop, lots of cables everywhere and electronics strewn about
>suddenly a power surge
>Hephaestus hears a man shout "COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM" from the other room
>he sighs, then picks up a couple of jumper cables and digs out a sexbot from his closet

>> No.75791327

Still less perverted than actual greek mythology.

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