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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.56972187 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>Through a convoluted series of events, a dog ends up as king
What happens?

>> No.56972239

>>56972187
Times for the kingdom get ruff.

>> No.56972246

>>56972187
Advisors and attendants plot his downfall but only trip themselves up and foil their own plans. In contrast to more heinous rulers, he remembered as one of the best to hold the throne, over his unfortunately brief reign.

>> No.56972249

>>56972187
The Kingdom goes through a Bark Age.

>> No.56972261

>>56972187
the kennel master is initially able to use the king as a puppet to further his own agenda by controlling the supply of treats, but slowly loses power as more and more dignitaries from distant provinces bring exotic and tasty foodstuffs for the monarch
eventually the kingdom falls under the influence of a neighbouring state that was able to adjust their economy quickly to produce more peanut butter and fatty meats

>> No.56972277

>>56972187
>What happens?
Sir Bearington
>>56972249
>The Kingdom goes through a Bark Age.
Fucking lost it.

>> No.56972298

>>56972187
A demon gets freed from his prison and overthrows the King, becoming the ruler of the lands and throwing it into chaos.

>> No.56972313

>>56972187
The reign of King Barkley is known for one thing, the Bone Throne. And it wasn't even his idea, he said so on his deathbed. One important legacy has remained, and that is the tiny paper crowns still worn during more vestive times of year, little crowns the size of which poor old King Barkley bore atop his weary head, dumby, but proudly just the same.

>> No.56972317

>>56972187
Realistically? Dog is killed and replaced
For shits and giggles?>>56972277
>sir bearington

>> No.56972361

>>56972249

>> No.56972385

>>56972249
Fucking incredible.

>> No.56972396

>>56972187
As the final high counsel member hits the floor dead, lips still wet from the incorrectly prepared Deadly Shellfish Soup, the King to be Barkley nonchalantly strolls out of the kitchen, licking the last spots of delicious antidote off his lips. Sadly, the kitchen staff was executed.

>> No.56972400

>>56972187
Dragon Ball.

>> No.56972416

Cuteness

>> No.56972434

A power mad Druid works his way to being the head adviser to the kingdom. He claims to be the only one who can truly understand his majesty and deliver his word to the people. Proceeds to use the Dog King as a puppet to rule the kingdom.

>> No.56972447

>>56972313
>>56972396
An artist's rendition of the Late King, from memory. Note the Paper crown. This is generally the style his Liege personally chose, for formal events, or otherwise.

>> No.56972472

>>56972261
>>56972434
>>56972396
>>56972246
Despite the best efforts of all to manipulate the new king, even those who thought they succeeded, they were all bested by King Barkley.

As the last conspirator sneers at the king, he asks: "Why? Why couldn't we control you? You're just a dog and we all had our leashes on you!"

The king looks smug and informs this wouldbe puppeteer before he's hauled off to the chopping block: "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

>> No.56972482

>>56972187
And so another great King had come to prominence, and left quicker still. This time by the treachery of his own- though distant- kin and kind. King Barkley was a headstrong Lord, and never allowed the Royal food taster time to carry out his sacred duty. And so, the Usurper stole the Kingdom in similar fashion to how the King acquired it. Poison.

>> No.56972490

>> No.56972509

>>56972317

Thinking anyone can get past the elite guard to harm the King.

>> No.56972510

>>56972187
Well my character is the queen, so I don't like ANY of the possible convoluted series of events that could've lead to this.

I'm gonna name him Rex

>> No.56972520

>>56972510
>You’re the Queen

Better get to making heirs.

>> No.56972521

Surprised this hasn't been posted yet.

>> No.56972542

>> No.56972543

>>56972509
That would give any assassin paws.

>> No.56972587

>>56972249
That was amazing. Well done.

>> No.56972628

>>56972543

The best assassins certainly do have paws.

>> No.56972646

>>56972187

>> No.56972657

>>56972187
>>56972249
excellent.

>> No.56972663

>>56972187
Pet the king and offer him treats.

>> No.56972695

>>56972628
This is who Ceiling Cat calls after watching you fap one too many times, anon.

>> No.56972702

>>56972628
137 is dog code for airborne feline assault in progress. This may in fact trace back to the hoary days of Barkley's reign.

>> No.56972800

>>56972239
fpbp

>> No.56972814

>>56972702

IT BEGINS. AGAIN.

>> No.56972815

>>56972187
The King is a good boy, yes he is.

>> No.56972882

>>56972814
We will aside yarn, nip, clumping litter, and mice vs birds for now.. The enemy of my enemy, is our ally!

>> No.56972948

>>56972472
you got me

>> No.56972974

Meowitzer division standing by, Sir.

>> No.56973042

>>56972187

Aliens keep taking over and/or killing people

>> No.56973787

>>56972246
Everyone assumes the Vizier is the one who actually holds power. The court goes into intrigue overdrive with everyone constantly plotting and scheming against each other. Every trick from assassination to seduction is used with no holds barred. As soon as one person becomes Vizier there are already two plots to overthrow them. The rest of the country hums along just fine. Better than fine, actually.

Eventually, only one noble family is left in court. They soon discover that the meritocratic bureaucracy set up by the last king has been running everything behind the scenes. They have almost all lands seized by the state and the court disbanded. The weakened aristocracy is unable to resist as a democratic constitution is adopted. Elections are held to determine the new leaders.

The dog who was the last king is given the honorary title of "Good Boy" and allowed to retire.

>> No.56974081

>>56972249

>> No.56974165

>>56973787
Plot twist: In addition to checking the box for the referendum to grant this title, an absolute majority of the citizens also (accidentally?) elect the former king to be PM / President / Chairman.

What happens?

>> No.56974170

>its a German Shepherd
>kingdom is industrialized with unparalleled efficiency
>no one ever did find out what that strange smelling smoke was from...

>> No.56974211

>>56974170
You're not welcome here Nazi scum

>> No.56974556

Abandon ship.

>> No.56974699

>>56972187
We finally got a king we can legitimately call Rex.

>> No.56974834

>>56974170
>nazis
>efficient
lol no

>> No.56974844

>>56972187
I want to make a Dragonball joke but I cant think of any

>> No.56974853

>>56972187
The kingdom's closet skeletons are instead buried deep underground.

>> No.56974915

>>56974834
>stuffed 20 million people into a couple gas chambers while fighting a war on every front

>> No.56974923

>>56974834
>one nation nearly subjugated the entire world
>not efficient

sure fires up those ol' neurons, doesn't it?

>> No.56974928

>>56974915
>lost horribly
Gee that sure worked well, huh? Max efficiency!

>> No.56974981

>>56974923
>Nearly
>Couldn't even take an entire continent
Even Hitler Acknowledged that he needed to take out the brits AND the soviets before going after the US and that never happened

>> No.56974983

>>56974923
>invading a bunch of tiny poor european nations
>"""subjugating the entire world"""
germans actually believe this

>> No.56975032

>>56972317
What if the dog has the blessing of the papacy?

>> No.56975106

>>56972187
Dog business would florish

>> No.56975249

He would certainly have a bone to pick with the neighbour kingdom.

>> No.56975382

I love this board

>> No.56977519

>>56972187
I try to get a position as Chief Tummy-rubber.

>> No.56977806

>>56972239

>> No.56977929

>>56972187
"Barnabas! Who made you king?"

>> No.56978072

>>56972472

>> No.56978144

>>56972187
Ass-kissing takes on a whole different meaning within the court.

>> No.56978377

>>56972472
>>56972239
>>56972249

>> No.56978441

>>56975032
>Shit, we're fucked.
DEUS VULT!

>> No.56978459

>>56972239
>>56972249

>> No.56978467

>>56978441
>not deus woof
anon i am disapoint

>> No.56978476

>>56972187
The queen would be a bitch

>> No.56978484

>>56974928
Look at a world map of 1933. Look at a world map of late 1942. Look again at the map of 1933.
Finally, look at your stupid comment before you decide to do an hero.

>> No.56978492

>>56972510
>Rex

>> No.56978515

>>56978476

>> No.56978540

>>56974983
>tiny poor nations
> the largest nation the world has ever seen, the most militarily powerful nation on earth after WW1, Stalin's USSR, and the poles

>> No.56978562

>>56978476

>> No.56978584

>> No.56978596

>>56978484
Look at a world map of late 1945, you monumental microbrain.

>> No.56978641

Seeing as the King is a now a Paladin by default, I can only imagine the language barrier posing any problem. The kingdom gets a prosperous and silly ten years or so.

>> No.56978721

>>56978484
Look at a map of germany in 1933. Look at a map of germany in 1950. There is no such thing as germany in 1950.

>> No.56978811

>>56978540
Yeah breaking treaties and building illegal military tends to give you military edge compared to law abiding, demiliteraizing nations. Who woulda thought?

>> No.56978821

>After you and your party manage to save the Royal Ball, the noble King Barkley offers you the princess's paw in holy matrimony

>> No.56978830

>>56978821
>Fortune
>Cookie

>> No.56978836

>>56972187
>There's no law forbidding a dog from being the king.

>> No.56978877

>>56978811
stop moving the goalposts faggot

>> No.56978914

>>56978877
Stop being a shit stain, cunt

>> No.56979132

>>56978596
How does that undermine the argument that Germany was efficient, dumbass? A middle-sized country conquered a whole continent in record-breaking amounts of time. Before being stopped by not 1 but 2 superpowers multiples bigger than its own original size. That is the definition of efficiency. You can kill yourself now and spare us more of your worthless """arguments""".

>>56978721
BRD founded in 1949, DDR founded in 1949. They might have not existed as souvereign entitities but there wasn't even just one Germany but two.

>> No.56979159

>>56974983
>germans actually believe this
Actually, Time magazine reporters in 1942 believed this.

>> No.56979419

>>56972187
it's a dogie dog world

>> No.56979447

>>56979132
Anon, efficiency is in your result. You can produce shit as quickly as you wish, if all you do it throw it down the shitter you aren't efficient. And Nazi Germany did nothing like what you claim with your uneducated hyperbolic bullshit. Conquered a whole continent my ass, how fucking stupid are you to even suggest such a thing? Fastest expansion in history? Have you heard of the Mongols? The guys who did it on horseback? Though I suppose Nazi Germany also counts as an expansion on horseback, considering how many domestic farm animals were used in their shitty supply lines due to their lack of gas. Germany blitzed its way into early victories, taking many by surprise, then stalled, and finally got stomped. "Stopped by two superpowers," yeah, like the U.S. couldn't have done it alone, or Soviet wouldn't have won even had the U.S. ignored the European theatre somehow (you know, if Hitler hadn't declared war on them like the retard, I mean, like the efficient leader he was). Do you know what an efficient war effort doesn't do? Leave the country in literal ruins in less than a decade. German tech wasn't even that good, for example the Soviet tanks shat all over German Panzers. Germany did one area of science and technology better than anyone else: rocketry, and the airplanes they produced through it never saw combat, because Germany had already run out of gas and couldn't get them into the air. Efficient my ass.

>> No.56980196

>> No.56981038

>>56974915
>Ridiculous claims are proof that Nazis were amazingly efficient
>The claims couldn't possibly just be plain wrong
>Even after the numbers claimed to have been gassed were revised down by millions
Good goy.

>> No.56981360

I think an overlooked aspect of this scenario is war. Does the new King lead his armies in person? Does he have his own suit of armour?

>> No.56981682

>>56974915

> Lost so hard that the official greeting for women in the country was "how many times have you been raped since we last met?"

>> No.56981759

>>56981360
What a silly question

>> No.56981763

"Sir, if you don't mind me asking...do the new Royal Guardsmen seem odd at all to you?"

>> No.56981785

>> No.56981822

>>56981360
Well, he might try, but his bark is meaner than his bite.

>> No.56981847

>> No.56982460

Our elders look back on the dog days of yore and wish their descendants could know such joys.

>> No.56982599

>>56972187
The Dragon ends up kidnapping a pupper

>> No.56982656

>>56981785
The Corgarian Dynasty.

>> No.56983270

>> No.56983280

>>56972400
I came here to post this and/or see this posted.

>> No.56983949

>>56981682
Efficiency and good judgement are not mutually inclusive. You can have the efficiency and technical as well as combat capabilities to take on drastically greater than your own population in terms of a military threat while simultaneously committing genocide on all jews/gypsies/etc in home country as well as conquered territories, without having the good judgment to realize that perhaps pissing off the entire world isn't such a good idea.

In other terms someone as retarded as you might understand, no individual no matter how capable, can fight an army, the difference in scale is too great, regardless of whether or not that man is the best soldier in the world.

>> No.56984032

>>56979447
Yes and better results are hardly imaginable given the situation.

>Have you heard of the Mongols?
Slower.

>yeah, like the U.S. couldn't have done it alone,
Yes, that is exactly implication. If the Soviets had folded in 42, no american solider would ever had put boots on european soil. The Western front was merely a minor theatre of war after all.

>Soviet wouldn't have won even had the U.S. ignored the European theatre somehow
That, otoh, is very likely.

>you know, if Hitler hadn't declared war on them like the retard, I mean, like the efficient leader he was
You realize that the Soviets were rebuilding their military from the ground after decapitating it? Hitler attacked because he knew that with each passing year Germany's advantages over the Soviets were shrinking.

>Leave the country in literal ruins in less than a decade.
He ruled for 12 years.

>German tech wasn't even that good, for example the Soviet tanks shat all over German Panzers
No, it was good but, as on other fronts, the technological balance shifted back and forth during the war. What WAS superior however early war was German tactics. Particularly the efficient use of tank formations. Also, mid war German tanks (Kursk 1943) were superior to Soviet tanks, only early war Germany struggled but could compensate with efficient tactics.

>Germany did one area of science and technology better than anyone else:
Germany did at various stages of war better in one aspect or the other, including but not limited to tanks, submarines, military doctrine.

>Germany had already run out of gas and couldn't get them into the air. Efficient my ass.
That's because they lost Stalingrad and has nothing to do with inefficiency.

Anyway, I can see you're an uneducated burger pleb who doesn't understand much about WW2, I shall cease conversation with you, I just plugged this in to enlighten any 3rd party readers, to keep your ignorance from spreading.

>> No.56984633

>>56972239
>>56972249

>> No.56985218

>>56972187
Everyone realises how retared that is before even happened. Various ministers put a puppet human on the thone. The end.

>> No.56985316

>>56985218
>I hate fun and choke on a hundred dicks daily
That must be a hard life anon

>> No.56985413

>>56985316
>hard life

>> No.56985449

>>56975032
Would the Dog King not have the blessing of the pupacy instead?

>> No.56986202

>>56974081
>my life for yours

>> No.56986465

Has everyone forgotten their internet 101: Don't feed the Troll? Just ignore /pol/ and they'll go away.

>>56985449
Who's the Pup?

>> No.56986780 [DELETED] 

>>56983949
His command is certianly not efficient if they make that lone soldier fight an army on his own, and it's that command structure and that command that determines efficiency far more than the lone soldier. You don't get to to pick and choose what aspects of society you can include or ignore in your one-word description of Nazi Germany. If you want to praise the efficiency of aspects of it, do so, without disregarding the immensely inefficient leadership in many levels of government that slowed Germany's potential efficiency to a crawl through incompetence and ideology.
>>56984032
>If the Soviets had folded in 42, no american solider would ever had put boots on european soil
Pure nonsense, Germany dclared war on the U.S. and the U.S. wouldn't have come begging like a bitch for peace. What the U.S. would have done? Gone nuclear. Why could it go nuclear? Because its scientists, who were behind Germany in nuclear research earlier yet caught up and surpassed them due to the (oh) inefficiency of the Nazi political leadership. For that matter, there is no reason whatsoever to think Soviet would have fallen in 1942. The importance of Moscow is often massively overstated, a trap Hitler also fell into. It would not have crippled Soviet's ability to do combat against the fuel-crippled Nazi armies. Moscow was a folly. The inefficiency of the political leadership spread to the entire machine, once again. What this soldier or that commander can do well is irrelevant if their chain of command doesn't let them do it, see almost the entire WW1. The efficiency of a machine or organization is dependent on the overall performance of it: if certain parts slow everything down, then the machine is no more efficient than those parts.
>Hitler attacked because he knew that with each passing year Germany's advantages over the Soviets were shrinking
Wilhelm attacked Russia for that same reason, and it was equally stupid and too late: Russia had already strengthened enough.

>> No.56986879

>>56986465
Okay, yeah, that's a good point. This derailment was a bad idea and a very strange turn for an otherwise fun thread. I'm sorry.

>> No.56986985

>half of this thread

>> No.56987050

>>56972187
The prophecy is fulfilled.

>> No.56987110

>>56986780
>His command is certianly not efficient if they make that lone soldier fight an army on his own, and it's that command structure and that command that determines efficiency far more than the lone soldier. You don't get to to pick and choose what aspects of society you can include or ignore in your one-word description of Nazi Germany. If you want to praise the efficiency of aspects of it, do so, without disregarding the immensely inefficient leadership in many levels of government that slowed Germany's potential efficiency to a crawl through incompetence and ideology.

You came this close to understanding the distinction between good judgment and efficiency.

You can make the most efficient government and war economic system in the world. If your leader is deluded and decides to declare war on an omnipotent being, you're going to lose. It doesn't make your government any less efficient. Efficiency is not the sole determinant of war, nor is the reverse true.

>> No.56987114

>>56987050
W-what happens next?

>> No.56987117

>>56987050
>puphecy

>> No.56987333

>>56981360
He cries woof and lets loose the dogs of war

>> No.56987351

>>56981360
He's famous for doggedly pursuing his enemies.

>> No.56987697

>>56978721
>so efficient that you end up doubling the number of Germanies that exist, merely as a sidetrack from your original project

>> No.56987716

>>56981763
"I'll say! I don't think I'll *ever* get used to this new-fangled Italian armor!"

>> No.56987772

>>56987716
Ooooh SNAP!

>> No.56988081

>>56972187
The dog has a long reign by dog standards as he is such a nonentity that he keeps all the factions in balance as they are all afraid of the power vacuum created by assassinating Barkley. To kill the dog would mean to have to put one of their own men on the thrown, which no other faction will allow. Thus, the 10 years of peace happens. It is only a shame he is a large breed and thus had a shorter life span.

>> No.56988279

>>56984032
If Germany's concerns were the Soviets, then he shouldn't have attacked Poland and alienated the West, and shouldn't have been drawn into North Africa and Greece to help the Italians.

>That's because they lost Stalingrad and has nothing to do with inefficiency.

In the long run, Stalingrad honestly doesn't matter. The Soviet Union had twice the industrial capacity and three times the population of Germany, and immensely more depth with which to fight a war. Even had the Nazis taken Stalingrad, it wouldn't have been a crippling blow to the Soviet Union. The only way to do that is to take Moscow before the Muscovite factories are disassembled and reassembled behind the Urals, but Moscow was ten times the size of Stalingrad at the time. If the Nazis couldn't take Stalingrad, then there's no way in Hell that they're taking Moscow.

>no american solider would ever had put boots on european soil

I find this difficult to believe, given that no German boot was ever going to land on Britain and the Battle of the Atlantic was already turning against the Germans as early as 1941, before America's entry. No Eastern front only means that the war is going to be longer, it hardly makes it unwinnable for the Allies.

Continued in a moment...

>> No.56988345

>>56988279
The aforementioned continuation.

To be frank, a longer war with no Eastern front is actually the worst thing that can happen to Germany. Why? Because neither of those factors do anything to speed up the German atomic bomb program or correct its fundamental flaws - nor do they slow down the American atomic bomb program.

No Eastern Front means solely that atomic bombs get used on Germany first, which is what they were originally intended for, you'll recall, it's just that in our timeline Germany capitulated before they could be used on it.

Even without an Eastern Front, Germany needs to do a number of things:

- Win the Battle of Britain (so as to make way for Sealion) (this is the most feasible thing for it to achieve, but it's still a doozy)
- Pull off a successful Sealion before America enters the war (which will involve solving impossible logistical problems, both in terms of finding proper landing craft for troops AND supplying those troops once they make landfall - the Allied Invasion of France was the most meticulously planned invasion in the history of mankind and it still ran out of fuel after like 40 days; what chance does Sealion have?)
- Win the Atlantic War so as to starve Britain into submission (very unlikely once ENIGMA is cracked and Britain develops anti-submarine technology, and outright impossible once America enters the war)
- Have America not enter the war (unlikely as long as it's sinking American ships to try and starve Britain), since once America shifts to a full wartime economy it is not exaggeration to say that America can put ships in the water faster than the Axis Powers can sink them.

Basically, Germany needs Britain to capitulate without America entering the war, but the very thing Germany needs to do to ensure that (sink American ships) ensures that a war with America before Britain capitulates is inevitable.

>> No.56988382

>>56972187
>what happens
I'm more interested in what happened, really.

>> No.56988394

>>56972187
Realistically, the kingdom would have a regency or the dog would be a puppet king for an advisor or foreign country

>> No.56988399

>>56972187
Best King they had in many generations.
Defends his pack and is a good boy/girl.

>> No.56988411

>>56972510
Fuck off furfag

>> No.56988421

>>56988399
>his pack is his six favourite relatives and nobles
What now?

>> No.56988528

>>56972187
This has actually happened though

>> No.56989563

>>56972510
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKZcWZM-EXw

>> No.56990218

>>56988421
All I know is that since dogs have litters, the inevitable succession crisis is going to be a bitch.

>> No.56991067

>>56990218
Actually, the inevitable successor is more likely to go to a male dog than a female one but it's possible.

>>
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