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[ERROR] No.53209134 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

By order of I, Lord Farquuad, I demand that you bring me all your fairy-tail creatures, and bring them to me! Dare you disobey me, /tg/?

>> No.53209166

>>53209134
What, like skellingtons?

>> No.53209170

I was going to bring you the great clean shaven heterosexual op, but I think it's a myth cause we couldn't find one

>> No.53209177

>>53209134
Or elves?

>> No.53209194

>>53209134
Or giants?

>> No.53209211

>>53209134
Or giant elven skellingtons?

>> No.53209216

>>53209134
I shall comply shortly.

>> No.53209239

>>53209166
>>53209177
>>53209194
Ah, good, good! Those are all fairy-tail creatures by any means! 500 gold schillings to you, my good man!

Now, to throw them into the swamp!

>> No.53209337

I found a dragon in the swamp. Do you want it ?

>> No.53209407

>>53209337
Yes; But no. I want the dragon; but on the oher hand, it is already in a swamp! Where would I put it?

Ah, I know! I'll gather a band of adventurers lead to the dragon out of the swamp, capture it, and than put it into another swamp!

Thelonious, start putting fliers in the dark corners of every Tavern in the kingdon!

>> No.53209502

>>53209407

A brilliant idea sire! A question, if you will, is this goat-demon-thing a fairy-tale creature worth five hundred golden shillings?

>> No.53209522

>>53209502
Do you take me as some kind of fool? That is clearly just a goat wearing a human body suit! 5 schilings, if only because you amused me, ever so slightly!

>> No.53209546

>>53209134
You've got a nice little demesne there...
Sure would a shame if a band of murder hobos laid claim to it...

>> No.53209556

I've got a box full of these little bastards. Where do you want 'em?

>> No.53209564

what about this horrid little monster m'lord, its not me daughter I promise.

>> No.53209568

>>53209522

I-I apologize sire, I will cease bothering you at once... Er, might I trouble His Majesty with but one more question?

>> No.53209585

>>53209546
Just trying to protect their furry fairy-tale trap waifus.

>> No.53209662

>>53209556
Are you sure that these are fairytail creatures? They seem more like tiny hobos. 10 Schilings for the lot of them, less you- Hey, where did I put my money pouch? Bah, to the swamp with them!
>>53209564
Urgh, with the way you smell, she might as well be your daughter. 50 Schilings, but your both going to the swamp anyway.

>>53209568
Fine, what is it? Dont you see Im a busy man? I'll have you penciled in after my daily torturing of the dungeon prisoners.

>>53209546
Hm... Is that so? Perhaps I might have some sort of... Journey... Or Task... Or even... a Quest? But only for the most ruthless-er, valient of warriors!

>>53209585
I'll have no such thing! Take your monster girls, and go back to the swamp!

>> No.53209678

>>53209134
Why? Are you looking for your missing dick?

>> No.53209693

>>53209678
found the ogre

>> No.53209710

>>53209662

> Fine, what is it? Dont you see Im a busy man? I'll have you penciled in after my daily torturing of the dungeon prisoners.

The Saint's blessings be upon you sire...

If I might ask, what in the Nineteen Hells is this thing, and what would you be willing to pay me to take it to the swamp?

>> No.53209761

>>53209710
I do not know, nor do I want to! Here, you can um... Have the deed to this inconspicious lot of land. The lot which is very, very, very far away. Now go.

It.. Disturbs me.

>> No.53209804

>>53209134
I found this thing hanging around a local all girls school.
What should I do with it?

>> No.53209850

>>53209804
Erm... Its a cat isn't it? Um... Mirror, Mirror on the wall, just what is that thing sitting in my hall?

>> No.53209866

There's this giant fairy that hangs out in a fountain out in the woods.

>> No.53209876

>>53209850
CANDLE SNIFFING FUCK FENCE GO CLIMB A WALL OF DICKS

>> No.53209914

>>53209761

I thank you my liege. This may interest you, I think I have managed to find what I believe to be an onion with a face! It speaks in riddles and sarcastic insults! Is this a fairy-tail creature as well?

>> No.53209959

>>53209134
So... you got shillings and I got a Satan. I might need to use some of the reward for the families of those that perished trying to capture the foul monster

>> No.53209987

>>53209866
Now thats my kin... No, no! I must ne strong! 100 Gold Schilings.. and a note containing my personal Magic mirror number. Just in case there is trouble.

>>53209876
Oh dear, my mirror... What has this creature done! Get it out of here! 20 Gold Schilings to first man to drag it tail first from my castle!

>>53209914
You again? Did I not send you away? And where in gods name are you procuring these things. Here, 20 gold schilings! Now leave me!

>>53209959
Ah, a "Satan", the most rare of mystical creatures. Truly, for such a heroic feet, you deserve a heroic award! 100 Gold Schilings, and the location of any princess you desire!

>> No.53210031

I found a jolly little man singing something like "Hi Ho" or somesuch.

I think he's a halfling.
Is that worth anything?

>> No.53210034

>>53209134

Milord! I found this absolutely repulsive monster impersonating you at the beach, and upon witnessing its disgusting visage, I was unable to contain the contents of my bowels! Whatever shall I do with him?

>> No.53210062 [SPOILER] 

>>53210031
>>53210034
You fools! How dare you insult my likeness! They are my bulwark against fairytails! The shield of humanity! They are the Farsquaad, and they know no fear.

>> No.53210080

>>53210062

Then, milord, if there are many Farquaads, how do we know which one is the real king!?!

>> No.53210084

>>53209134
I saw this creature running around. It seemed to have posses many crowns, where it got them I do not know.

>> No.53210123

Best thread on /tg/?

Best thread on /tg/.

>> No.53210151

>>53210080
>>53210034
>>53210031
You idiots! That was merely a doubleganger posing as me! Only the real Farquaad is this majestic! If you could not tell, all of those are clearly edited! 2,000 shilings to the man to bring me these imposters alive! Or dead!

>>53210084
Bah, im sure it is of no concern. But if you must, make a trail of crowns leading to the swamp. 30 shilings for your trouble, comminer. Now where did I put MY crown?

>> No.53210328

I've got these little bastards for you mi'lord.
Damn things have invaded my garden for years now.
I've taken to calling them nids since they keep niddlin muh damn cabbage patch!

>> No.53210330

>>53209134
Milord, I found this genie! How much is she worth to you?

>> No.53210335

>>53209134
What about creatures that are just really shitty puns?

>> No.53210735

>>53209134
I caught a really weird one. It's.. all pink. And squishy.

>> No.53210783

>>53209134
It's fairy tale, cretin.

>> No.53210838

>>53209134
>no-ones posted fairy butts yet
How?

>> No.53211045

>>53209134
How do we differ the us from the them?

I mean we humans could just be as fairy-tail as them.

>> No.53211093

I'm pretty sure one of these is a giant but for some reason I'm unsure which

>> No.53211100

AH, that horrid creature is back, but now its riding some type of tracking device-shooting bird plane shell!

Whatever shall we do sire? ...So far it has only desired crowns...

>> No.53212011

I found this near my garden, does it count as a fairytail creature?

>> No.53212482

M'lord I found a strange golem or a construct of some sort whilst I was tending to my fields.

>> No.53212636

Milord i found this eating my garden will ye take it Milord

>> No.53212654

M'lord here is a mighty figabop im sure this will count as a fairytail beast

>> No.53212725

My lord! This pair hang around near my farm, i just know they are stealing my crops, would you compensate me for their capture?

>> No.53212806

He's asking for Fairy TAIL creatures, guys.

>> No.53213062

Hey Fuckwad. How about some Azathoth?

>> No.53213962

'Ow much for t' wolf?

>> No.53213993

>>53213962
I like werewolves that look skinny rather than muscular, wolves in real life are built for endurance not power, it's their fur that makes them look bulky. If one was humanoid it'd look more like a champion marathon runner than a professional bodybuilder.

>> No.53214051

>>53209177
does the lich gives the bone to the elf boy on the long cold nights?

>> No.53214954

Ah, tis such a warming sight to see such loyal peasantry! Who, even while I slumber, carry out my deeds!

>>53210328
If they are as you describe, such tiny, insignificant things, put them in a glass bowl and bring them to meat once. They may find use in my dunge...ant farm. 10 Gold Schilings.

>>53210330
Oh my... I believe a adequete sum of 500 Gold Schilings, and a all expense paid trip to Duloc would be adequte? Although, you could double that price, and get a free Horse-cart, if she were a princess...
>>53210335
Terrible pun based creatures are the rarest of them all! 2000 Gold Schilings, and a free T-Shirt! Now, hang that up in the swamp!

>>53210735
Bah, what ever it is, throw it into the swamp! I could not care less for such creatures. 10 Schilings, and not a hay-penny more.


>>53210783
By official decree, I have changed the spelling. Your welcome. And now to the dungeon with you.

>>53211045
The only thing I despise more that fairy tail creatures, is fairy tail creature sympathizers. You LOSE 5 schilings, and get a free trip to the dungeon. Thelonious, if you would?


>>53211093
Does it matter? I'll just put them into a "giant" swamp. 100 Schilings for both.

>>53211100
Well than put a crown in a swamp, and than leave it there! Or better yet, have it track me down a suitable princess. Maybe give it crowns, in exchange for its services?
>>53212011
That depends. How well can It dance?

>>53212482
It seems... far too smug. And yes, I believe I have seen this creature before. To the swamps with it, so it may be with its own kind. 35 Schilings. Away with you.

>>53212636
This is obviously just a horse with a horn glued to its head. By god, you are really getting desperate now.
>>53212654
Wings? On a lion? How droll. But if it is real, 20 Schilings. I wish you'd bring me something more realistic, like a talking puppet or gingerbread man...

>>53212725
This is why we need to move them to the swamp!

>> No.53215041

>>53212725
100 Schilings EACH if you catch them, and prove its not just a homeless midgit and s child painted blue.

>>53212806
Why, I dont believe we've met. But quick pro-quo: I only date princesses. You are a princess, correct? But if your not, I do also have a thing for red heads, and girls who like Pína Coloda's, and getting caught in the rain...

>>53213062
Your not even trying now. What is this? Its just a mess of eyes, mouths and ungodly parts. Did you just throw this together at the last moment? What a disgrace. But I will humor you. Put it in the cage with the Kender >>5320956, and I'll give you a schiling for the entertainment.

>>53213962
Hrm. That is a wolf. But I thought wolves were supposed to wear grandma clothing? Regardless, 10 Schilings. Put it in the swamp, next to the fairys.

>> No.53215126

>this thread
That's the dumb, good old /tg/, that I know and love.

>> No.53215176

>>53209134
We're still working on a way to move her, but we'll bring her to you as soon as we can.

>> No.53215190

Have you considered making them pay for building a wall around the swamp, my lord?

>> No.53215215

>>53209134
I've captured these three on account of them being far too beautiful to be human men.

>> No.53215323

>>53215190

A capitol idea, my countryman! I pledge my wholehearted support behind it!

Milord, I have captured this creature, it violently opposed capture, and I lost a steak finger obtaining it. How much is it worth?

>> No.53215349

>>53209134
My father's an elf, so I do not think I will do that.

>t. Half-Elf Oracle

>> No.53215368

>>53209134
is this vile creature one of those fairly-tails?

>> No.53216086

... My Lord, I do not believe this one will fit in the swamp...
...do I still get paid?

>> No.53216143

>>53216086
What's the story behind this picture anyway? Why is the Kirin (that's what those things are called, isn't it?) God humanoid?

>> No.53216234

>>53209134
Yes m'lord, but this creature is extremely rare.
How much shall I be paid for such a creature?

>> No.53216242

Found this thing crawling onto shore last week while I was at my nana's beach house. Seemed pretty harmless at first minus the weird chanting that's been floating about the air since it arrived, lately though my nose has been bleeding a lot and my ears won't stop ringing. Also I've been getting some weird ass dreams. How much is it worth m'lord?

>> No.53216278

Totally a "fairy tale" creature.

Cages don't work.

>> No.53216550

>>53209134
M'lud, there be a purveyor of hexotic pets waitin' to speak to M'lud in yonder courtyard. 'E says 'is prices be fair, 'is long journey notwithstandin'. "Monster Manuel" 'e names 'imself, M'lud.

>> No.53216559

Found this little guy at my golf course last week and it followed me home after I gave it a scrap of turkey sandwich. Pretty friendly, although it did try to take the mail man's hand off once. Hate to see it go really, bout I'm curious as to how much it'd be worth.

>> No.53216589

I have some right horrible beasts for you here, m'lud.

>>53216550
I just love that one

>> No.53218698

>>53209239
>500 shillings
That man is insane! It's almost 3 years of a carpenter's wage! He will ruin our country!

>> No.53218770

A snakelady. I heard that their scale make exquisite boots.

>> No.53218826

>>53218698
Are libertarians fairy tale creatures? Can we also throw them into the swamp?

>> No.53218857

I found this in the local crypt, all it seems to do is scream at people, m'lord

>> No.53219065

>>53214954
The creature has attracted many people who continually waste resources building monuments and art dedicated to it. Here is an example of such work

>> No.53219407

>>53218826
This one is a bit stepped on, but I think it could still be thrown into the swamp

>> No.53220455

M-my lord, there seems to have been a problem while sending the creatures to the swamp. T-this beast freed a magical mule and has resisted capture from some of our finest men! I do believe the creature is what they call an ogre.

pic related, what our reports say the thing looks like.

>> No.53220554

>>53214051
T...That elf is not for lewd!

>> No.53221012

>>53215041
My lord, wait! >>53212806 is a magical creature, for those bunny ears art not merely a fetishistic headband! She has rabbit heritage, my lord! They are her real ears!

>> No.53221159

>>53215176
If you cannot move her, than it is clear: you must build a swamp around her. I will not tolerate giants in my kingdom! Their height makes the local midgit minority incredibly jealous. 200 Schilings.
>>53215190
Bah, I already take all their possessions upon being turned in. What would they pay with?

But I do like the idea of a wall... let us get in on it! I shall hence forth begin the forced construction of a wall around the swamp! We shall use the creatures as labor!
>>53215215
As you can tell from my own visage, there is no limit to masculine beauty... But, on the other hand, I think their false beauty tarnishes my own. To the swamp, and 50 schilings.
>>53215323
Such a tiny thing, eh? Hrmph. To the swamp with it, less it gets anny funny ideas. 10 schilings for each you find.
>>53215349
Elves are strictly prohibited. No schillings for you, or your creepy father. Now, dont you have a workshop or two to work in, less The Fairy Godmother or Santa Clause get angry?
>>53215368
Erm... For this case, I think we should leave it be. I wouldn't want to know what the effects of removing it be, and I enjoy my jacuzzi far too much to risk it.
>>53216086
Non-sense, there is enough room in the swamp for all creatures. If its too big, they simply sink within, and await the unwitting band of questers to unearth it.
25 Schilings out 300, for daring to questioning my intelligence.
>>53216234
That... That is going straight into the swamp. I feel insulted by its pressence on every possible level. 50 Schilings, 75 if you make post haste.
>>53216242
Ah, you see, the way we price such creatures is based on 3 factors: Size, Authenticity, and magical-ness. Yours looks rather fake, but it seems both magical and is quite big. 100 Schilings will be your reward. Now remove it from my pressence, the chanting is giving me a migraine! Next!
>>53216278
Then use rope you baffoon! 50 Schilings, but you have to buy the rope with your own money.

>> No.53221191

You may thin this is merely a wooden chest, but it is in fact a dangerous creature that has killed many brave adventurers! It is a vile creature called a mimic. I will take no less than 350 shillings for it.

>> No.53221337

What about a Pooka?

>> No.53221364

>>53216550
Excellent! He must be a creature of good reknown! Send him in!
>>53216559
What a little mutt! But, if you were willing to part with him, 20 Schilings and two tickets to Duloc-Land would be yours.
>>53216589
Truly the blight of T-Rex and Lawn alike. 1 schiling for each of the little beasts seems fair.
>>53218698
Quiet! I am the master of Economics! And to prove you wrong, and balance our budget, I will donated 2000 Ducats to the Carpenters without thumbs charity group! Whose laughing now? I am! Ha!

>>53218770
Let it be said, that I, Lord Farquaad, is the most merciful of lords. And thus, I have come up with a way for those born with lower halves of mythical origins to live amongst us! I present the Farquarter Box! Simply slip into the box, place your head through the top, and fit it to your waist! Now you are free to rejoin my perfect society!

The wheels for the box are sold seperately. Those who buy the box are put ontoa watch list as well
>>53218826
>>53219407
I dont like the sound of them. The Lib-er-tar-Ians sound very unpleasant. By order of me, under my Monarchal power, I banish them to the swamp. 20 Schilings!
>>53218857
Then let it scream at its own kind! Move the crypt to the Swamp! 50 Schilings!
>>53219065
Thats time and effort they've wasted doing that, instead of time and effort they could have spent making Monuments and Art of me! To the swamp with him! 80 Schilings!
>>53220455
Now, this is very, very, VERY important, peasant. Listen to me closesly, and consider your next words very closesly.
Does it have layers?

>> No.53221425

How much for this bundle of creatures?
They may look tiny, but they are the most foul, vile beasts there are, you may confirm this as you have already met one. But worry not, for they are sleeping. However I do not know for how long, Sir.

>> No.53221444

>>53221159
Does your prohibition of Elvenkind extend to the entire Fae familia or just the Elves.
For m'lord I have one of the True Fae or Gentry as you might call them here with me.

>> No.53221462

>>53221012
You nincompoop! If rabbits were Fairy tail creatures, we'd have to check every pot in the kingdom! They are clearly Fluffy tail creatures!
>>53221191
Hm. Prove it. I am not to be scammed, and that "mimic" lacks size, authenticity, and magic.
>>53221337
A bit shabby, but I suppose it counts. 10 Schilings for the beasty.

>> No.53221486

This one's been insulting me and your person in a language I do not understand. He said something along the lines of "feekin teeny weeney" at some point.

>> No.53221511

>>53221462
Ah, yes, it looks shabby- but it is a shapeshifter! It can look considerably less shabby if you whip it enough. See?

>> No.53221521

>>53221462
...If I get my foot bit off, I'm raising it to 600.

>> No.53221533

>>53221425
There is only only one way to be sure... Fetch me... The MILK!

>>53221444
Bah, do not ask me! Elves are the fairy God Mothers thing. Elves are prohibited from entering my kingdom solely based on the fact that the stupid cow hasn't given me my happy ending!

>> No.53221536

>>53221521
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

>> No.53221573

I got one! It keeps biting me. Send help.

>> No.53221589

>>53221533
If that is the case, then may I interest you in this giant creature. It has very nice feeling hair.

>> No.53221591

>>53221533
Ser... I am afraid they were just pretending to be asleep! How much for me to re-capture them and bring them to the swamp?

>> No.53221592

>>53209134
I heard you where looking for fairy-tale
creatures, I'm half snake, half liquor. what did you need me for, my lord?

>> No.53221605

>>53221589
I also have this monstrosity... I do not know what it is, or why it keeps making these weird noises but, maybe it interests you. Honestly it scares me more than the Beast and Fae.

>> No.53221634

I heard this one come from the scorched ninth circle of hell beyond the end of the world, I think the swamp could be a suitable containment.

>> No.53221666

It's been sixteen years and I still read it all in his voice

>> No.53221692

Here you are sir, and I guarantee she's the finest maid in the kingdom.

>> No.53221710

>>53221536
Dear god, get it away!

Fine, have 600 Schilings, I'll just toss them to yo-

Oh. Well, it seems the mimc has eaten them. I suppose if you want your money you'll have to... Get it back.
>>53221486
He's just a tiny irishman. Tiny people have rights as well, you know! And perhaps you do have a "Feekin Teeny Weeny"
>>53221511
Ooh, I see now. Another 10 Schilings for each form it can take!
>>53221573
I am not risking my brave men on such a suicide mission! I can feel the evil from here! However, if you can lead it towards the Swamp, we will honor you always.
>>53221589
Ah, you see, you can tell this is a authentic wolf! It is wearing old lady's clothing! 80 Schilings.
>>53221591
This is Far, Far Away's problem now. But I suppose if you can, 200 Schilings to you, my good man!

>>53221592
Are... Are you even a creature? I mean, if you go to the- Actually, how good is your liqour?

>> No.53221711

>>53209134
>>53209239
>>53209662
>>53214954
M'lord, are you aware that the word is 'fairy-tale' not 'fairy-tail'? Tale refers to story, not that flappy thing animals have.

>> No.53221714

Here you go m'lord.

>> No.53221730

>>53221710
...Son of a bitch. I hate mimics.

>> No.53221779

>>53221710
It can become a fox, raven, a goat, or a dog, each with glittering eyes and dark fur. Often it becomes the horse or the rabbit, abnormally large. Rarely does it become... whatever this is.

>> No.53221808

>>53221710
>I am not risking my brave men on such a suicide mission! I can feel the evil from here! However, if you can lead it towards the Swamp, we will honor you always.

Would that it were so simple, m'lord. It seems to have decided you, or anyone of your... glorious and noble proportions is some sort of nest thief or rival bird.

>> No.53221873

>>53221710
Amazing, my lord, 92 proof.

>> No.53221909

OI! WHICH ONE O' YA GITZ IS LOOKIN' FOR DEM 'FAIRY-TALE' FINGS?

>pulls a confused grot out of giant burlap sack

IZ GOTZ ME A 'HOLE ARMY O' DEZ LIL' BUGGERZ RUNNIN' 'ROUND ME "FARM" ALL DA TIME, EATIN' DA CROPS I USE FER BREWIN' MAH LIQUOR!

IZ CALL 'EM GROTZ. DA LIL' GITS CALL DEMSELF GRETCHIN OR SUMFING SILLY LIKE DAT.

'OW MUCH CAN IZ GET FOR... UH, 90 O' DA GRUBBY LIL' GITS?
>>53221808
DA ZOG IZ DAT? CAN I HIT IT WID ME CHOPPA?

>> No.53221915

>>53221605
I do not associate myself with such creatures. Although, I will pay you 10 Schilings to get that abominabal thing out of my hall, and into the swamp.
>>53221634
Then get it their post haste before it kills any more of my knights! 400 Schilings, but you have to pay me 50 schilings each time it kills a night!

>>53221692
Ah, yes, I see! Well, if that is true, Thelonious! Fetch me another Farquarter box for this freak! We need another maid, after the last creature killed half my staff.
Infact, fetch me 4 more as well, one for each dog.

>>53221711
Do none of you read my royal decrees? Clearly it is said "Fairy Tail', and thus that must be how it is spelt. Besides, all fairy like creatures have tails. Thus, Fairy Tails.

>>53221714
Is..No, be rid of it. That cannot possibly be a commoner. 10 Schilings!
>>53221779
While it may be adorable in such a form, and I admire its choice in color, I must adhere to my principles: 60 Schilings, and to the swamp!

>>53221808
Dear god... In such dire times, come dire methods. 1,000 Schilings to the man who slays such a beast! Along with the hand of my (hopefully), second born daughter!

>> No.53221999

Found a creature m'lord, It ate charles.

>> No.53222105

>>53221909
Ayy Wait a minute, YOUR AN ORC!
Sire if I shoot this Orc in the spine may I turn him in to you for some Schilings please?

>> No.53222157

Sir this crazy old coot keeps on insisting that he's an alien that isn't from this planet. Do you have anything that will get him away from me?

>> No.53222167

>>53222105
ITZ ORK NOT O-ER, I DUNNO WOT YA TALKIN' 'BOUT.

IZ JUST HAZ A FUNNY ACCENT IZ ALL.

WOT ARE YA, SUM KINDA RACIST?

>> No.53222184

>>53221915
But sir, many of the creatures you have sent to the swamp today are without tails. I'm fine with schilings, but fairy tail makes no sense!

>> No.53222186

>>53221915
Bleak agoo mrgll kahahaha. Murgagl.


*Auto Translate Medallion* Greetings fair lord I am a paladin from a land further away than your kingdom, I see you are having issues with the dreaded goose hydra, I can take care of your issue by unleashing a special variation I have trained myself. It can win any war with no effort and not cause much damage to your kingdom. I call it *giggles* the Emu Hydra! With your blessings and some Schillings of course, I shall unleash this creature to get rid of your "little" problem.

>> No.53222252

>>53221915
my lord, you asked how good my liquor is. it is 92 proof and goes down smooth.

>> No.53222270

Lord, I have found some of these.....things

>> No.53222280

>>53221909
>>53222105
>>53222167
Now, now, while Duloc may not be welcoming of fairy tail creatures, we are widely accepting of humans. And by my estimate, he looks human enough. 10 Schillings for each one of these "Grots" you put into the swamp.

>>53221999
Ah good, im not out of 600 Schilings after all. Send it to the swamp, and have 50 schilings for your trouble.

>>53222157
None that I could think o-Actually, I just realized that we need another greeter to the east gate. What vest size is he?
>>53222186
An Emu Hydra? That would be asking for a Tsunami to get rid of a Hurricane! Do you have anything else you could use?

>> No.53222292

>>53221915
I found this while I was "fishing" milord

>> No.53222317

M'lord, we have found this strange creature amongst the local tavern minstrels. Its talent can not be denied. Perhaps it would make for a fine musician in your court if you do not wish to be rid of it.

>> No.53222382

>>53222252
I see; Well than YOU may stay, my tasty little friend! Next!
>>53222270
Gah, enough with these wretched- Wait.. Are those... Are those princesses? No, that couldnt possibly..

This changes everything...
>>53222292
Well clearly it has a fish tail, not a fairy tail! Throw it back, or put it in the swamp. Either or, I do not care, so long as it is gone.
>>53222184
Nonsense; they all have tails! You just need to take a closer look, and be trained such as my knights are!

>>53222317
Er... While I appreciate the offer, I am not quite sure I want that... thing near me. And why so many fingers for so few valves? 20 Schilings.

>> No.53222410

>>53222280
Magaggle, Mrgunlgel Garoo.
*Auto Translate*
Hmm. I had captured a cultist to a "god" named "Tzeentch" on the way here. Maybe "test" this cultist and "god" by throwing them at the goose hydra?

>> No.53222442

This book sounds somewhat fairy tale-ish. How much do you want for it?

>> No.53222449

>>53222382
Well. yes sir, they are princesses, but the're monsters. Hideous fairy tail creatures.

>> No.53222458

>>53222382
M'lord, where is the tail on this mimic? >>53221999
I see only a mouth, hands and eyes. Or on this demon? >>53218857

>> No.53222573

>>53222410
Hm. Perhaps. Bring me this "Cultist of Tzneetch", so that I may see his warrant.
>>53222442
Books? Bah, might as well. I've been meaning to get a diary, after I lost my last one. It'll probably wind up under my bed, but what ever. 5 schilings.
>>53222449
True, but some are passable. But they are also princesses! And with Princesses, comes kingship, and thus a Kingdom! Duloc will finally be my perfect kingdom! But which one?

Mirror Mirror on the wall, for which of these Princesses should I fall?>>53222458
Inside of its mouth; Don't believe me? Take a look!

>> No.53222585

>>53222280
>stuffs squealing grot back into sack and does a lil' mental math
>mutters
Zog me dats a lot o' schillings... ain't teef but itz one helluva payday...

FANK YA LAUD FAHQWAAAD. IT WILL BE DONE!

>>53222458
DAT MIMIC'S TAIL IZ IN DA MOUF YA SILLY GIT!

WOT, DO YA DOUBT BOSS FAHQWAAAD'S JUDGMENT OR SUMFING? IZ SHOULD HIT YA WID ME CHOPPA FOR SAYING DAT!

>> No.53222668

My Liege, a daughter of nobility has taken up this abomination as a pet. Shall we seize it?

>> No.53222702

>>53222573
why, the amazonian princes, sir, she's the most human of them (Bottom right)

>> No.53222721

ME LORD, MAH SCAR CROW HIS KICKED ME OF ME LAND! AND IS NOW RUNNING ME FARM ITSELF! IT SAID IT'D LET ME BACK IF IT I GAVE IT ME SKIN ME LORD! CAN YE SEND SOME OF YUR BRAVE KNIGHTS WIT ME SO I CAN HARVEST ME ONIONS AND PUMPKEENS TO GIVE TO YE ME LORD? ITS BEEN SHOUTING RUDE WORDS BOUT YU AS WELL ME LORD!

>> No.53222733

Sir, I was wandering the road and I saw this cute little fairytail frog. Doesn't it look adoraGIVE ME ONE MILLION SCHILLINGS.

>> No.53222883

>>53222721
AND NOW THARS DIS WEIRD FELLAH SAYING I OWE IM TAXES INSTEAD OF YU ME LORD. CEPT HE SAYS I HAVE TO GIVE HIM ME TEETH AND LIVER FOR SUMTHING! CAN YE SEND MORE KNIGHTS, I THINK HE AND THE OL SCAR CROW MIGHT GET TOO VIOLENT FOR ME TO HARVEST MY VEGGIETABLES. HE ALSO SAID YE WERE POOR AN SHORT, BEFORE HE TRIED TO TAKE ME TEETH, ME LORD

>> No.53222943

>>53222585
No problem, my good fellow. I value your contribution to my kingdom, and look forward to working with you for some time.
>>53222668
Nay; She is clearly growing it, so as to fetch a bigger price. Besides, if you could not tell, she is very short. Thus, she is very wise. Do not question my logic.
>>53222702
Is that so? But what if her gifts aren't good? And our stats are non-compatabile. I do like her... Towering features.

Mirror, are you certain? Men, which princess should I pick, and why?
>>53222721
Oh, that must be the reason you've finally met your quotas for the first time in 5 years. I should have known better.

Hmm, you know, perhaos we should just label you the scarecrow, and ship you out, and keep him instead. Would that be preferable?

>>53222733
What? What is this? One moment, allow me to polish my glass eye...

Now, what were you saying? Oh, right, the frog. I'll give you 10 Schiling for the little cretin.

>> No.53222986

>>53222943
Bu...But me lord, I've served yu for years! Yu can't just send me to live in the swamp with a bunch of fairies, I'll scare crows good, just don't throw me into the swamp. Or back to me farm while that thing is still loping about with his pitchfork looking fer me. I'll keep the burds from yer garden! I'll tend to yer flowers! Anything but the swamp me lord!

>> No.53222998

>>53222883
Short? SHORT? SHOOOOOOORT?

My head knight, I have a mission for you: Go down to the Swamp, and tell the degenerate creatures there, that who ever slays this IDIOTIC, FOOOLISH AND MOST OF ALL, MISINFORMED ABOMINATION, will get a full pardon!

Meanwhile, I want every Knight in the realm put on patrol! I Want his head! And meanwhile, clesr that idiotic scarecrow from the peasants farm. Even if he is a idiot, he is respectful idiot!

>> No.53223005

>>53222943
The frog princess, sire! The Great Frog of the Western Woods of the Southern Pond in the Eastern Kingdom to the North is a great and powerful ruler, and to wed her would be to surely invite his favor!

>> No.53223057

>>53222998
AH thank yu me lord, I'll be sure to work harder for ye. I swear I'll bring a whole extra cart of onions this year, even if I must eat dirt so I can me lord. I am forever in yer debt....so nothin's really changed on that front, me lord, har har.

>> No.53223091

>>53223005
The goblin princess,sir. She want's many babies, to carry on your legacy.

>> No.53223189

>>53223091
No no, the knight princess the knight princess! She'll give you heirs that are perfectly normal! unlike the amazon who'd give you giant daughters and tiny sons! who would of course look nothing like you. The amazons just uh....have small men and strong genes

>> No.53223193

>>53222943
IZ WID DA MIRROR ON DIS ONE. DA AMAZON ONE IZ DA BEST (EVEN IF GREEN IZ BEST, HUMIES DON'T USUALLY FINK SO).

IGNORE DAT OTHA GIT CALLING FOR DA GOBLIN ONE. SHE'S PRACTICALLY A GROT. SHE IZ TOO SHORT FOR SUM ONE LIKE YA... IN FACT, I FINK DAT GUY IZ A GOBLIN IN DISGUISE!

...WANT ME TA GIVE 'IM A GOOD KRUMPIN' 'FORE I TOSS 'IM IN DA SWAMP FOR RUININ' YA LAND'S ROIGHT-AN'-PROPPA IMAGE?

>> No.53223248

Caught this lich during my travels after I broke all but one of his phylacteries. He isn't of much threat since he seems to have gone mad, although he somehow managed to remain just lucid enough to tell awful puns. Something he does almost every time he speaks, which considering the fact that he needs no sleep or food or even oxygen, is a lot. Please, take him. I haven't slept a wink in nearly three days since he never shuts the fuck up.

>> No.53223349

MY LORD. A risen corpse of some sort has been cutting his way through all of the men we've sent to capture him. We lost a good number of knights just surrounding it to beat him down and separate him into pieces for safe transportation!. Shall we toss him into the crypt with the screaming one? He seems rather silent compared to that one.

Or maybe we could....cover him in some armor and use him to capture other fairy tail creatures? He seems to be pretty good at sword fighting and general violence, my lord.

Maybe he was a great knight when he was alive?

Also I am sorry to say, that we were unable to save the forest we caught him in from burning to the ground, as he also appears to be on....well fire, my lord.

>> No.53223390

>>53223189
I call for the amazon princess as well, Her features pair perfectly with yours, she comes from a powerful kingdom

>> No.53223471

>>53222573
Lord, I beg you to reconsider. These are fairy tale monsters, and you're considering marrying one of them? Surely there must be many human women who want to marry you.

>> No.53223491

>>53223471
Like the knight princess. Sure the amazon princess is also human but she....is a savage my lord, it'd be unbecoming for an man of your position to marry her!

>> No.53223543

>>53223491
WOT, YA THINK DA GREAT LAUHD CAN'T TAME DA SAVAGERY IN A PRINCESS? DO YA THINK THAT LIL' O' YOUR OWN BOSS' PROWESS AS A MAN?

>> No.53223548

Sir, this lizard was out runnin a fraudulent scam roight in the middle of our good city it was! Scammin n' stealin all the hard earned money till I hit it with a rock while it wasn't lookin.

How much for it?

>> No.53223560

>>53223543
NO, I think he could. I just think it would reflect poorly on the kingdom! we'd be making an..wait...an alliance with her people may be worth while. they are rather strong...But I would still prefer our lord marries an upstanding knight.

>> No.53223579

>>53223560
I say we merge our beautiful lands. We all know the lord has very....interesting taste. I myself would find the idea of more women, especially strong ones, in our land, to be benificial

>> No.53223638

>>53223560
>>53223579
I still say m'lord should marry the frog princess! Her father, the Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom to the North is an extremely powerful and wise being, to wed her would be a wise move indeed!

Besides, I have heard many things of how wonderful his daughters are to have as a wife!

>> No.53223734

>>53223560
LISTEN GIT.
DA AMAZON IZ BIGGER DEN DA KNIGHT.
BIGGEST IZ BEST, SO AMAZON IZ CLEARLY DA ONLY CHOICE!
SEE? >>53223579 KNOWZ WOT I'M TALKIN' BOUT!

>>53223638
ZOG ME, YOU MUST BE ONNA DEM SLANN GITZ OL' GRIMGOR'S GRUMBLING 'BOUT...

>> No.53223740 [SPOILER] 

My sire, let me present you with the most legendary and sneaky mythic creature:

The esquilax, a horse with a head of a rabbit and the body of a rabbit.

I'll get you a moment to recover from such shocking visage so we can talk about my reward.

>> No.53223855

>>53223005
>>53223091
>>53223189
>>53223193
>>53223491
>>53223543
>>53223560
>>53223579
>>53223638
>>53223734
Oh gods, I cannot choose! The options way heavily upon me! What am I, a man of such gorgeous looks and well mannacured nails, to do? Thelonious, what say you?
>>53223471
No, my good man, they are /princesses/. And that means I can finally be a king! Are you disputing my kingship, are you?

>>53223248
Erm, fair enough. I suppose, in this case, we will take him off your hands for 10 schillings. Although, I dont want to come off as too skullduggery, so I'll throw you a bone and make it 5 if you bring it to the swamp yourself.
>>53223349
Well, I suppose upon your suggestion, we should at least talk to him. Bring me his skull, so I may make my offer. Hopefully he isn't too hot-headed. Ha!

And, in recompense, pay the peasants affected by the fire 5 schillings.

>>53223548
For your courageous efforts, I will bestow upon you 100 Gold Schilings. Truly, you are a good samiritan. Unfortunately though, we cannot be certain in our identification of whonwas stolen from, so I suppose we will just have....to donate it to the royal treasury.

>>53223740
My god...

>> No.53223889

>>53223855
My lord....why not take more than one wife...you are king after all...or perhaps save one for your first son?

And I shall fetch the burning knight's skull....once I find my oven mitts

>> No.53223909

>>53209134

ey b0ss

>> No.53223937

>>53223855
A 100 gold schilings me lord? How generous! Here's the two hun-uh, I mean one hundred fifty gold schilings the lizardly beast had on em.

>> No.53223963

Milord, there is a race of strange duck people in the hills. Should we round them up, burn their homes, and push them into the swamp? I see no way in which this cunning plan could ever fail.

>> No.53224008

Uh, Sir? We have reports of tears opening up in the fabric of reality and welll, something is coming out of them. Should we be worried about this?

>> No.53224076

I spotted this savage beast while I was on my daily walk, what shall I do?

>> No.53224129

Me lord! I have news, horrible horrible news! I was out wandering on patrol when the clouds parted and Pete turned into one of dem wolvey-men things. Must have been all that getting bit by wolves he did...Pete was strange fella, even before this...

>> No.53224210

>>53223889
>My lord....why not take more than one wife...you are king after all...or perhaps save one for your first son?
ARE YA ZOGGED IN DA HEAD?
MORE DEN ONE?
DEY'D BE FIGHTIN' EACH OTHA OVAH 'IZ HIGHNESS, AN' THAT JUST AIN'T...
>Orky light-bulb suddenly goes off in head
WAIT, NO! DAT'S IT!
WEZ CAN 'ROUND DEM UP AN' 'AVE 'EM FIGHT FOR DA 'ONOUR O' BEING FAHKQUAAD'S LADY!

DA CITIZENS O' DULOC CAN BET ON WHICH GIRLIE WILL WIN DA LAUHD'S 'EART!

I EVEN KNOW DA RIGHT GITZ TO MANAGE DA BETTING! WE CAN TRICK A DOSE GREEDY BAD MOON ORK GITZ INTO RUNNING THE GAMBLING RING, SHUT IT DOWN ONCE DA FIGHTIN' IZ OVAH, DEN TOSS DA GREENSKINS IN DA SWAMP AN' KEEP DA COIN FOR DA TREASURY!

ITZ A WIN-WIN-WIN FOR EVERYONE!

>> No.53224657

rop thread

>> No.53224701

>>53223889
And commit adultery? And consort with even more fairy-tail creatured? No thank you. Im already taking a bold risk in marrying one in the first place.
>>53223909
Go away, man of pink
>>53223937
Once again, how kind of you. We will make sure that all Fairy Tail creature's possessions shall be given away to proper homes.

>>53223963
Eh, what of it? I suppose offer a free re-location to the Swamp.

>>53224008
Only if they aren't coming out into the swamp. Infact, just move these "rips" over the swamp. Let the fairy-tail creatures and those snobs from Far, Far away deal with it.
>>53224076
Obviously, you must avoid it all costs, and alert the nights. What? You think you could have picked a fight with it and won? How proposterus.
>>53224129
Well, than I suppose the proper course is to notify his family... and than throw the whole lot of them into the swamp, along with pete. Better not risk further infection. Infact, you are being entailed to make sure they get there... and stay there. Just in case.

>> No.53225361

>>53224701
PICK 3 ME LORD

>> No.53226672

I found this ...thing in the basement of an abandoned house

>> No.53226688

>>53226672
Oh yeah? Well I found.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIBcNDE0d4A

>> No.53226726

I was on the path here and found this bird, whats going on in this thread?

>> No.53226849

My lord I have found these four Turtle-things.

>> No.53226885

>>53209134
My liege! This small child was tossing around lightning, and little goblin-things were following him around. He ruined our Mid-winter's eve festival.

>> No.53226902

>>53209134
It will be done my lord
The vigil will be upheld

>> No.53227062 [DELETED] 

You're giving out money or so I'm told.
But your way of speaking is getting rather old.
There's no way, with you, a kingdom can be fulfilling.
So don't anger me, and give me every schilling.

>> No.53227080

You're giving out money or so I'm told.
But your way of speaking is getting rather old.
There's no way, with you, a kingdom can be fulfilling.
So don't anger me, and give me every schilling.

>> No.53227137

Sire! Found her in the river unconscious. I took her in and revived her. She said she is on the run.g and begged me to marry her, said she is a princess and needs to be wed so that her father cannot control her life any more. I declined as I am a married man. Would you have use of her? She says its possible for her to have somebody change her tail into legs, but it will take her voice away.

>> No.53227749

>>53224076
You mean this guy?

>> No.53228278

>>53227749
If he occasionally decides to take off all of his garments and slaughter cattle while covered in layers of dried on gore, then yes.

>> No.53228422

I have found an entire army of creatures, m'lord!

>> No.53228624

>> No.53228669

Might want to clip this one's wings M'lord.

>> No.53228807

Sir, I found this thing wandering about aimlessly. It's obviously some unholy abomination created by a necromancer. Just look at those eyebrows.

>> No.53228986

>> No.53229106

"M'lord! I have found a shapeshifter!"

"Don't listen to him, sire! He's the shapeshifter!"

>> No.53229118

>>53229106
>Ork for brains forgot the image

>> No.53229164

Fire elemental sire.

>> No.53229287

>>53209134
Heil, my lord.

I have brought you this smol dragon.

May I suggest some ways to extinguish these creatures?

>> No.53229360

>>53209134
I'm British and Britain has a long history of telling vertically-challenged dictators to go suck a fat one.

So fuck yeah I dare disobey.

>> No.53229397

Sire! Sire! Someone has constructed a wall around the swamp and is yelling at us to keep out. Something about making the swamp great again too... What do we do milord?

>> No.53229433

>>53229397
Reinforce the wall, shoot anyone who tries to leave.

>> No.53229562

>>53224701
Um, M'lord. If I may have a word with you?

I've been going over the treasury accounts and well, according to my calculations we're broke. I mean we got nada, zip, zilch, zero dinero, nothing, we're in the red, and have more debt than an entire college frat house's worth of young adults.

What I'm trying to tell you sir is that, well, the treasury is empty. If we dont' do something quickly, the entire kingdom will riot in a matter of days. We have a week at the most before people notice something.

May I suggest sub-prime real estate instead? It's much more profitable.

>> No.53229964

>>53221666
I'm glad I'm not the only one.

>> No.53229993

>>53229562
This is why most lords do business in silver shillings.

Just sayin'.

>> No.53231201

My lord, I the dashing prince charming have ensnared this perfidious temptress, this demon of evil.
How many schillings and which princesses will you give my luscious self for her?
You entire Kingdom will do.

>> No.53231214

>>53209804
PURGE

>> No.53232895

I think it might be dangerous m'lord

>> No.53233307

>>53226672
>>53226688
Well, if you found it in the basement, than perhaps it should STAY in the basement, eh? Maybe it was put there for good reason, you fool.
>>53226726
I, the Illustrious lord Farquaad, have order for the rounding up, and deporting of all Fairy tail creatures to the nearby swamp. There, they may live amongst their own kind, without intruding upon my perfect realm. Say, you wouldn't have any such creatures with you?
>>53226849
Eurgh, disgusting. 10 Schilings per she-beast, and make haste with disposing of them. I hear the Swamp is a turtles natural habitat after all.
>>53226885
Well than toss him into the swamp! 45 Schilings for him. Although, put him into a nicer part of the swamp, for I think perhaps part of his rage comes from his diminutive height.

>>53226902
And what vigil is this? All I wish for is to have all these monstrous and imperfect creatures removed from my realm, by any means necessary. If you can accomplish that, than we may be able to work something out.
>>53227080
Rhymey timey, diddley dee
Cut with the yap, and speak normally

I pride myself in my fluent Leprechaun speak, but I regret to inform you that I possess none of your schillings. Although, I hear the swamp dwellers might have taken some...
>>53227137
Hmm... Well, her losing her voice is a risk I'm willing to make. Tell her she is welcomed, so long as she gets rid of the fish... parts. And tell her, that yes, I am available.

>>53227749
>>53228278
I do not care what kind of clothing he's wearing, unless it's my size, in which case I will gladly take them off his hands. But otherwise, to the swamp with him!

>> No.53233350

>>53233307
>>53228422
I believe you have wandered into the swamp, you poor peasantry fool. While your there, tell the creatures there that Lord Farquaad sends his regards.

>>53228624
Ah...Er... No. To the swamp, 1 Schiling.
>>53228669
Clip his wings? Briliant idea! Just for that, I am willing to give you 5 more Schillings! So, a total of Five schillings for you!

>>53228807
No need to be alarmed, my fellow. That is simply a statue of my glourious figured, albeit made by the Fairy tail creatures. Destroy, and find the creatures responsible, so that they may be punished.

>>53228986
Sorry, but Wizards are clearly part Fairy-tail creatures. To the swamp with you!

>>53229106
>>53229118
Do not worry! I have made a ingenious ploy to get rid of this imposter! Guards! Bring them both to the swamp! There, now its a guarantee'd swamping.

>>53229164
Pile up a long line of sticks leading towards the swamp, and than start throwing buckets of water at it. That'll take care of the problem post haste.

>>53229287
Normally, I would be all ears, but the way you are fondling such a creature so warmly makes me double think your operations. What makes me certain you aren't one of those Dragon-Born master race fanatics?

>>53229360
And I'm Lord Farquaad, and I have a long history of throwing people who call me short into the dungeon.

Guards, if you would?

>> No.53233437

>>53233350
>>53229397
>>53229433
Well than someone has been listening to me; Continue throwing the fairytale creatures over the walls, now via Catapult. It doesn't matter, I own the swamp, and I'll throw who ever I want into it.
>>53229562
This is grave news indeed.... Hm, well, I suppose I shall put some measures into place.

Raise the taxes on all peoples by 10%, but lower the tithe's of food by 30%, in order to encouarge the selling of excess food stuffs. Follow this up by selling the lands, goods and possessions previously held by fairy tail creatures; this should encourage the settling of those we gave schillings out to. Meanwhile, we will keep all the valuable goods and moneys of the creature's we've deported.

Finally, I will look for a wealthy family to marry into. and we will start giving out land rather than money.

>>53229993
We will not use the currency of Far, Far away, you scoundrel!
>>53231201
Um, excuse me, but I do not see a crown on her head. Did I not make it clear that I only want a princess?

>>53231214
While excessive, I cannot help but allow it.

>>53232895
Do you honestly think that I care if its dangerous? Take a look over the wall, and see what I've already thrown into that accursed swamp: All manners of wicked and wild, eldricthian and elder, beastly and abominabal.

Do you think danger has any sway over me?

>> No.53233584

Mi'lord, this skeleton won't stop throwing wine at me. It is making me uncomfortable.

>> No.53233707

I'm not good at identifying things sir.

>> No.53233733

>>53209194
>>53209177
>>53209211
>>53209502
>>53209564
>>53209804
>>53209914
>>53210084
>>53210335
>>53210735
>>53212011
>>53212482
>>53212636
>>53212654
>>53212725
>>53212806
>>53213062
>>53213962
>>53216086
>>53216234
>>53216242
>>53216278
>>53216559
>>53218770
>>53218857
>>53219065
>>53220455
>>53221444
>>53221486
>>53221511
>>53221536
>>53221573
>>53221589
>>53221605
>>53221634
>>53221714
>>53221779
>>53221808
>>53221909
>>53222292
>>53222317
>>53222721
>>53222733
>>53223248
>>53223349
>>53223548
>>53223740
>>53223963
>>53226849
>>53227749
>>53227137
>>53228624
>>53228669
>>53231201
>>53232895
WHAT ARE YE DOING IN MAH SWAMP!?

WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE!?

YOU! >>53209134 , I want all these poeple OUT OF MAH SWAMP!

>> No.53233754

I, uh, think we'll need a bigger swamp.

>> No.53234597

>>53233733
Please, I'm just a simple seeker on a spirit quest to discover...
What doth life?

>> No.53234608

>>53234205

>>
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