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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.49110701 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

> itt things that bards will fail to mention when singing about your adventures

That one time when our paladin threw a torch at a slime hanging from the ceiling, all while screaming "EEEEEVIIIIIIL!"
Also, that one time when we thought that soldiers that set up a toll booth were brigands dressed as soldiers, so we killed them all.

>> No.49110702

Reeee, I failed at formatting.

>> No.49110743

>>49110701
The true reason the Rogue Trader has his fancy robot arm is because his Plasma Grade misfired, and exploded in his hand.

The Missionary got drunk, and slept through the group deciding to void a transport ship full of pilgrims so they could strip it for parts to sell.

The Explorator being reduced to tears, trying to order his Servitors to fire on some incredibly easy to see targets, but failing his tests, constantly.

The Rogue Trader flubbed a line, got laughed at by the locals. He then decided to start over again by killing them all with an orbital bombardment and going to the next settlement.

The Rogue Trader's temporary policy of never talking about the Missionary's failed endeavour, including the infamous line "the executions will continue until morale improves".

>> No.49110753

>>49110743
>The Rogue Trader flubbed a line, got laughed at by the locals. He then decided to start over again by killing them all with an orbital bombardment and going to the next settlement.
This is comedy gold

>> No.49110772

>>49110743
>The Rogue Trader flubbed a line, got laughed at by the locals. He then decided to start over again by killing them all with an orbital bombardment and going to the next settlement.
Man, that planetary govenor dropped the ball. He could have blackmailed the rogue trader to give up a shipment of goods and start trade or rebroadcast that flubbed line to the rest of the Imperium.

>> No.49110796

>>49110772
Thankfully for him, they were outside of Imperial space.

>> No.49110917

stop talking to yourself you fucking faggot

>> No.49110957

>>49110917
> It's "anon doesn't know how to spot samefags" episode

>> No.49110959

>>49110917
Hey new friend, it's time you learn something new about this site: you see those numbers in the bottom right corner of the thread? Hover over the 3th one. This number shows how many posters are in the thread.
Let me know once you figured out how this relates to the stupidity of your post, then I'll teach you how to delete it.

>> No.49111091

The time my dark elven mercenary lost his arm in a bet, and had to get it replaced with a magitek one.

>> No.49111102

>>49110701
That one time our Arcane Trickster got killed by the same guy three times in one day

>> No.49111527

That one time, when my cleric found a dead body and took it with him (I didn't have anything that heavy in my inventory, so I could afford it) so he could resurrect it later. I then promptly forgot about it for nearly the entire campaign, until I looked on my character sheet and found a 175 lbs dead body listed there.
So, through noble courts and dungeons, sewers and epic battles, I've carried a decomposing body in my bag.

>> No.49111534

>>49110957
>>49110959

There were 3 unique posters and 5 replies.
thanks for telling me twice you piece of shit

>> No.49111572

>>49111534
> Anon posted a story
> Another anon replied to it
> OP replied to it
> First anon replied to the reply
> Cue to your spergout

I fail to see the problem here, you mouthbreathing, donkey-fucking, Hillary-voting, shiteating, shitposting, non-showering, foul stenching assfaced degenerate.

>> No.49111683

How we once lead the town mayor to the ruins on the farming village that went silent to show that cultists attacked it, forgetting that the main hall is full of smashed and dumped furnishings, one of the corpses at the end is charred and in only a loincloth, and the other is crucified on the wall with arrows in the middle of a blood ritual.

Or how we were kidnapped by kobolds, the elf ranger was nearly burnt at the stake, and the incompetant dragonborn they crowned had to be constantly whispered lines by the cleric in a vain attempt at a noncombat resolution.

>> No.49111700

>>49111572
Holy shit anon
>Hillary-voting
Calm the fuck down

>> No.49111755

>>49111572
you just went full retard man

>> No.49111773

When we killed all the bandits in a single go with some wide area braibn-and-mind-shearing magic (presumably a rather horrendous way to go), forgetting to take into account where exactly they may have been keeping all those kidnapped villagers we were there to save.

>> No.49111804

Y'all niggas gotta chill.

Anyway:
>we killed the corrupt noble and started the revolution mostly because we were sloshed both IC and OOC
>we made our daring escape from the Zhentarim by jumping down a shit chute and fleeing through the sewers
>the incubus who is my character's arch nemesis is camp-gay, and he was unleashed when his massive cock distracted me long enough to get charmed into letting him out

>> No.49112407

>>49111755

Here's the image you should have posted.

>> No.49113692

>>49110701
The time our Ranger got arrested and the Wizard managed to convince /everyone/ that arson was somehow the best solution.

>> No.49113729

>>49110701
That part where the maiden we rescued threw herself at the paladin. No he actually grabbed and raped her.

>> No.49113777

>>49113692
Did the ranger die in the fire?

>> No.49113797

>>49110701
>probably leaves out all the times barbarian kicked his ass for insulting his mom
>the life and death of Clethentit McCheeks
>probably left out the part about Marijuano Blaze the Dank Elf of Prophecy had a TARDIS the entire time
>despite all the shit he left out telling in the tavern when our adventure finally ended he left the party his journal that goes back all the way to the first session that included every detail of our journey

>> No.49113824

>Bards singing about how the PCs are awesome because they broke up a crime syndicate and brought the king's assassin to justice while uncovering a conspiracy of chaos worshipers
>Completely ignore the part where they left a village's children to be kidnapped by fairies
>Also that time they stabbed a lord in the neck because he wouldn't grant them titles
>Also started a race war
>Also the fact that they frequently commune with an inter-dimensional entity who's a cyborg 'Jacking in' from a future of Earth where Hitler won (completely unrelated to the race war mentioned previously)

>> No.49113867

There probably wont be any ballads about the time the party ignored the missing orphans to build a tree fort.

>> No.49114224

>>49113867
Or about the time we legalized gay marriage, and the BBEG Lich took advantage to wreck our shit

>> No.49114252

>That time where the drow killed the paladin and the rogue avenged him was actually the rogue killing the paladin who was raping a drow captive and then offering her a clean death.
>The time where the party rogue valiantly stole the battleplans from the enemy general was actually the barbarian getting the opposing side hilariously drunk so they'd be hungover for the battle.
>The time where the barbarian wound up upside down in a trench.
>The time where the cleric married someone to a horse.

>> No.49114616

>>49114252
What is it with paladins and rape today

>> No.49114859

>>49110701
That time the wizard got distracted by a will-o-wisp during a delve and almost got led off of a cliff springs to mind.

Or the time she almost set the holy library that was the last legacy of a dead god of knowledge on fire.

Or the time she got kidnapped right before we booked passage across the sea to a nearby nation, and then after the party rescued her and we made the trip, the first thing she did in the new nation was get kidnapped again.

Or the time she got into a catfight with another girl over the rogue, while she was supposed to be focusing on a spell keeping said rogue invisible in the middle of an alchemist's lab, resulting in all of them getting arrested.

Or the time she slept through a pirate raid on another ship they were traveling on, resulting in her getting kidnapped AGAIN.

>> No.49114940

The time when the party tracked down a piece of the Mcguffin (An axe that was the only weapon to harm the BBEG but was broken into pieces and scattered) being sold by a shifty scam artist trader. But instead of buying the gilded metal shards (Pure gold, I swear! Sell it to any blacksmith for three times its price!) they spent all their money on the "Staff of infinite magic" (Literally just a big stick dipped in blue paint).

>> No.49114956

>>49114859
Starting to sound like the Wizard was "Getting kidnapped" on purpose here.

>> No.49116146

>>49110701
The bards likely won't sing any epics about the time the barbarian decided the best course of action after killing the goblins was to roast them and eat them, then hastily cooked a goblin leg over a campfire, ate it, then failed his constitution check to stomach it and barfed it all over the forest floor.

>> No.49116796

>>49110959
>3th
Anon...

>> No.49116811

>>49110701
> itt things that bard will fail to mention
That the INT8 CHA7 elf fighter was getting more tail than him just by sitting in the corner and looking mysteriously angry.
>when singing about your adventures
Oh.

When the wizard kept trying to melee goblins with his staff in order to conserve spells.

When the bard kept trying to shoot the same enemies the wizard was fighting and kept hitting the wizard instead.

When the druid insisted on using dual punch daggers despite not being proficient in them or in fighting with two weapons.

When the barbarian failed to land a single hit during the whole adventure.

When we didn't actually drive the goblins away from the village, just bribed them to give us the shaman's spare ritual staff and to lay low for a few weeks.

When we tried to get into the town despite gates being closed for the night and curfew being in effect, and got our shit pushed in by two guards with clubs and padded jackets.

When the bard tried to bribe the guard captain with small change while six other men and the sheriff were in the same room.

When the elf fighter sucked sheriff's dick to get us out on probation, then the barbarian started a bar fight to celebrate.

When the barbarian got beaten by drunk peasants, thrown outside and mugged by street urchins.

When we escaped from the town strapped to the bottom of carts taking piss and manure out for the tanners, and the carts were leaking.

When the elf fighter got sores around his mouth and had to publicly admit he sucked cock before clergy would treat him.

When we went bankrupt trying to kill a troll using lamp oil and set fire to a mill downriver.

When we used lamp oil to make slick ground and stop the advancing zombies, but instead cause dozens of people fleeing the zombies to break their limbs or get trampled to death.

When the wizard killed everyone in an inn by using a negative energy burst to clean his bed and assuming it was safe because the floor he was on was empty.

>> No.49118057

>>49116811
>When the wizard kept trying to melee goblins with his staff in order to conserve spells
I can see it happening.

>> No.49118201

>that time the 7 ft tall dogman killed a bandit who the local lord wanted dead and beheaded him, ran back to town and showed it to him without context, and then had to fight his way out of the city because the lord thought it was just some random dude's head

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