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43426007 No.43426007 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Your character/party has just gotten a castle, mansion, whatever the equivalent is in your setting, and you need to recruit some servants.

What would be your minimal requirements for a butler/maid?

Non Casual mode: no using summons to get your ideal

>> No.43426785

Magical or nonmagical automation. Living servants are a constant security risk.

>> No.43427011

Go to all the towns you marked down as in your debt and grateful to their saviour, receive your hero's welcome, then hire the biggest guys you can at a very generous wage with fantastic perks and bonuses. You're a murderhobo; you can afford that shit.
Eternally grateful and loyal servants always work better, can interpret your orders helpfully, won't rat you out, don't have any loopholes to be exploited, give you free good publicity to any visiting nobility/VIPs, and most definitely won't believe the accurate tales spread by wanna be adventurers about all the fucked up things you did

>> No.43427034

If D&D 3.5, at least one level in the Dungeon Lord PrC.
>Dungeon Mastery (Ex): Your familiarity with the dungeon is so complete that you know its entire layout by memory. While inside your dungeon, you can move at normal speed when unable to see and when crossing difficult terrain. You can move through any trap in the dungeon without triggering it, unless you choose to set it off. You automatically notice any difference to any chamber of your dungeon (such as a chair that is out of place, a bookshelf that has been reorganized, or an area of dust that has been disturbed). You also receive a +8 bonus on Survival checks made to track creatures in your dungeon. In addition, you can open or close any door or secret door in your dungeon as a free action.
>Horde Lord (Ex): You share your knowledge of the dungeon with the minions you command. Your allies gain a +1 bonus on attack rolls and damage rolls while you live and they are within the dungeon. When you attain 5th level, the bonus increases to +2.

>> No.43427127

Ability to fight unarmed or with concealed weapons, to detect hidden or invisible things, and possibly to redirect attacks to themselves. A butler/maid attracts far less attention than an obvious bodyguard.

>> No.43427296

>What would be your minimal requirements for a butler/maid?
Trick question, my character is already the maid.

>> No.43427343
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>> No.43427361

>answering the question you ask
That was fast.

Alfred Pennyworth is also an acceptable answer.

>> No.43427377
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They need to be loyal, and retardedly overpowered compared to the vast majority of people in the setting.

Quirkiness helps, as does being non-human.

>> No.43427446
File: 60 KB, 1024x576, Victorian Maid Maria no Houshi.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>What would be your minimal requirements for a butler/maid?
Dat booty

>> No.43427459

Recruit hungry young urchins, whose only duty is dusting, sweeping, and dishes, and other things I may not be able to do at the moment. In return they get residence. If they steal or commit other atrocities toward the estate, they forfeit their benefits and shall be beaten, then cast off

>> No.43427481

>insert relevant Seinfeld Episode here
If your butler / maid spends all their time getting fucked, you'll need to hire a second to actually get work done.

>> No.43427503

Being a cute girl is the only requirement.

Maids? Cute girls
Butlers? Also cute girls
The PCs themselves? Take a guess

>> No.43427531
File: 32 KB, 225x350, 281209[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Hiring a maid who can't multitask
See why dat booty is a requirement now?

>> No.43427568

So you're saying you're so bad at throwing dick that your maid can clean while getting fucked?

>> No.43427613
File: 126 KB, 599x740, Elena.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.43427622
File: 300 KB, 678x384, Maoyuu-Maou-Yuusha-No-One-Dislikes-Maids[1].png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Implying her ability to clean is in any way related to your ability to throw your dick
>Implying a proper maid doesn't remain composed and polite under all circumstances
>Implying that a maid that can't mop the floor while being plowed from behind and letting out no more than the occassional muffled whimper is worthy of being a maid at all

>> No.43427676

That sounds like boring fucking.

>> No.43427705

>Sex is only good and passionate when the woman screams like a disemboweled cat and the man speaks in a vaguely Eastern European accent

>> No.43427743
File: 1.29 MB, 500x281, M+H.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>>Implying a proper maid doesn't remain composed and polite under all circumstances
under all circumstances

>> No.43427887

>Wanting to hire staff
>Not just finding a haunted mansion and get the poltergeist really into cleanliness

Bonus points in that he also provides security and keeps you on your toes. You'll be a 90 year old man and still have the reaction times of someone in their prime from decades of dodging haunted cleavers that conveniently never scratch the walls

>> No.43428020
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>Implying that's a bad thing
>Implying it's not haunted by a cute girl who visits you every night
>Implying she's not secretly waiting for you to die so you can be together forever, but doesn't say this out loud because she wants you to enjoy life to the fullest first

>> No.43428145
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>> No.43428242
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Have a alchemist and make him create all the staff as homunculus

>> No.43428246
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>Beauty and the Beast
>It's painfully obvious that it takes place in France
>Lumière is the only one with a French accent

What does this mean? Is he like, double-French? Is the village all of this takes place in one of those vacation spots that gets overrun by British tourists every summer with Lumière being the only native?

>> No.43428262

He must be Parisian.

>> No.43428269

Since the times long past, France has been importing working people and fighting people from all over the world because locals wouldn't do it.

>> No.43428751
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*Must be an android ninja
*Must be fucking adorable

Pretty much the only requirements.

Best Girl

>> No.43429497

Telepathic preferably, if I need the dungeons cleaned I don't want to have to tell the help that the bloodstains need to be scoured from the carpet or the bones need to be buried in the garden. They should know I want these things done before I do.

Also they should be strong enough to accomplish most tasks on their own if need be. If we need to make a hasty retreat I'm not bringing along everyone simply due to it being unfeasible. If we can only have one, he/she better be pretty damn good at their job.

And of course, loyalty. I'm paying them a lot of cash to keep them quiet about the things I do when not saving the kingdom, I expect them to respect this and not gab to anyone who throws them a few gold.

>> No.43430575

Doesn't need to be Overlord levels of it, but in the place i sleep i need to be able to trust them.
Then they need to understand certain things and this and that.
Golems or robots da best....because they seem to have all the criteria i need.......a shame if you ask me....but such is life.

>> No.43431133

They kinda already have one, a small and dark little realm with a mansion where they can meet at any time.

However they can't actually bring anything in or out of it, everything in it is just a dream/illusion. They could go in with food and eat it there, but it wouldn't nourish them and they'd still have the food in the physical world. They could conjure a bunch of gold bars inside of it but they wouldn't be able to bring them out or anything. Like those dreams where good stuff happens but when you wake up you're sad that they weren't real.

That being said, they wouldn't have much use for a physical stronghold because they tend to hide/bury their stuff wherever is most convenient before they cross planes and staying in one place would make them easy pickings for their hunters.

>> No.43431204

Willing to be bound by a magically enforceable Oath.

You can never be too paranoid when there are Seers about.

>> No.43432892

>Knows his master's needs and wants, will reschedule clients' visits around them
>skilled mechanic, keeps Big O up and running, repairs it as well.
>Also a complete badass with guns, held his own against a large army of Beck's roboscorpions, tried to keep R. Dorothy safe throughout.
Norman is truly a phenomenal butler.

>> No.43433126

>>Also a complete badass with guns, held his own against a large army of Beck's roboscorpions, tried to keep R. Dorothy safe throughout.
Isn't Norman former SAS or something like that? I know he wears that WWI British helmet when the mansion is attacked and doesn't afraid of anything when repelling down the side of the building with an emplacement machine in hand firing at the enemy.

>> No.43433412

Well our setting is 40k Black Crusade, and im a Warpsmith.
So servitors. Lots of em. Maybe some actual robits.

>> No.43433459

First, Loyalty
Second, Secrecy
Third, Competence

>> No.43433611
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From the lowly street rot emerges the loyal worker.
And neither want nor worry has he.

>> No.43436551
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What's wrong with using summons?

Sometimes you just need one hell of a butler...

>> No.43436893
File: 176 KB, 1024x663, oni_samurai_by_uzi91-d622gz4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

The 67th watch already has a giant Oni janitor. He's chill. Doesn't speak much of the linqua franca but he does his job and I think he's only stolen one 16th ounce of Bear glass from the evidence locker. He has great taste in alcohol too. Once brought in a case of Plump Spirits for the whole watch. Illegally brewed but we let it slide.

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