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[ERROR] No.42224923 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Right, so, I'm supposed to be GM'ing a game in a week. Me and everyone voted, decided to go with 'Warhammer 50K'.

Anyways, instead of going down the 'uber grimdark age of ashes' route, I wanted to do something a bit less bleak(In part due to my inability to write actually grimdark_. So, I came up with a sort of 'age of heroes' kinda thing, and I want /tg/ to look it over. Here's the first part, dealing with the emperors death:

"The Death of the God Emperor was a event of which we know little. It began with the astronomicon flickering, then failing, plunging the Imperium into chaos, as Daemons ran about, unchecked. Many thought it was the end of days.

Then, in the warp, he was reborn, in all his firey greatness. A great light surrounded him, purging daemons from the warp and even scarring the dark gods, who banded together to destroy him.

However, they were unable to destroy him. The best they could manage was trapping him as they were trapped, unable to manifest his might directly in the materium, forcing him to rely on proxies and psychic constructs."

Basically, Emps dies, gets reborn in the warp, proceeds to duke it out with the Chaos Gods, they stalemate, Emps gets trapped in the Warp, forced to act through 'daemons' and people he's chosen to act as his champions in the materium.

Next up, the Eldar or Tau. Either or.

>> No.42225325

Right, here's the Eldar section, which amounts to 'How the Eldar got their groove back 2: Electric Boogaloo'

"The return of Vaul and Kuronus to the Eldar pantheon is a tale shrouded in myth and legend.

One such tale is that of the Riddle and the Knife.

The tale begins with a servant of the Laughing God approaching the Prince of Pleasure, challenging him to a game of riddles. The prize, should the servant of the laughing god win, is that he should get to cause the Prince of Pleasure three wounds. Should he lose, he would give up his soul and the souls of everyone he knew. Laughing, the Prince of Pleasure accepted, not believing he could lose in his pride.

And so the game began. The Prince of Pleasure won the first riddle, causing him to grow overly confident. As such, he planned for how he would dine on the Servant of the laughing gods soul.

However, he was unable to best the second riddle, but he was unconcerned. After all, what could three cuts do to a god such as him?

The third riddle was also in the servant of the laughing gods favor. Abiding by their deal, the Prince of Pleasure let the servant of the laughing god strike him three times, fully intending to kill and devour him afterwards. The first strike, he cut open the belly of the prince of pleasure, and stole Vaul from she-who-thirsts gullet. The second strike, he removed Kuronus. The third strike, however, he took out a special blade, coated in a poison taken from the plague gods garden, and struck the prince of pleasure with it, causing him agony. While the God rolled around in pain, the servant of the Laughing God escaped, taking with him the two gods he had removed from she-who-thirsts stomache"

Right, so, basically this is the Eldar legend of how Vaul and Kuronus escaped Slaneeshes stomache. It is of questionable accuraccy, of course.

>> No.42225344

The only canon 50k is this:


>> No.42225524

Maybe Emps helps that Grey Knight Primarch (?) that is wandering the warp? Maybe he could bring out the Eldar goddess that Nurgle is using for his baby batter maker?

>> No.42225575

>Warhammer without Grimdark

>> No.42226115

Still gonna be dark, just not AS dark. Anyways, the Beast.

"No one knows from whence the Beast came. A monstrosity of green fire and madness, the Beast is the ultimate evolution of the Ork race.

Overflowing with Waaagh energies, the Beast is a green tide, unstoppable in its wrath, it's champions unassailable.

Some say the Beast was born in Octavius, a result of the war with the great devourer forcing the Orks to evolve. Some say they came about after the green gods Gork and Mork merged. Some say they were birthed when Ghazghull Mag Uruk Thraka united the Orks on the Great Waagh.

Whatever the case, the result was a beast which could not be slain. For where the Beast treads, the oceans boil green as new Beast Orks claw their way out of the dirt fully formed, their gestation taking minutes and spitting them out fully formed, and ready to fight.

Where the Beast sails, the warp tinges green as abominable Gorkamorkian Daemons form out of coalesced Waagh energies.

To date, the only effective way to defeat a Beast incursion is to slay its Overlord, which weakens the Beast, allowing it's lesser members to be slain and banishing its daemons."

Basically, Super Orks hopped up on WAAAGH energies, taking everything that makes Orks Orky and multiplying it by ten. Also Waaagh Daemons, mostly because the concept was amusing at the time.

>> No.42226270

And that's not even Canon, bruh

>> No.42227022

"All was not well in the galaxy, for the powers of Chaos were active.

Upon Slaneeshes wounding, the other three chaos gods converged, like a pack of sharks, and tore into the weakened god, taking it's being for their own.

Khorne took Slaneeshes aspect of perfection, and as such, all the berzerkers under his banner became even more frightful, with their unnerring skill with whatever they chose.

Nurgle took Slaneeshes excess, resulting in the blight god growing decadent in his corpulence, hosting lavish, diseased filled balls and parties.

Tzeench, however, stole Slaneeshes POWER, taking the vast majority of the souls the chaos god had eaten upon his birth, and consuming them. Those he did not eat he forged into the Scions of Change, powerful daemonic creatures that sallied forth, wreaking havok in their lords name."

Basically Slaneesh gets et and his portfolio and power gets divvied up, empowering the other three gods.

>> No.42227276

You are a poor storyteller.

>> No.42227357

I can dig this, all of it I mean. Gives a sort of new hopey feel (not as in the movie, as in the emotion)

>> No.42227360

Aaand....thats all I got so far. My general idea with the Tau was that they went full transhuman, and their would have been something about a evil aligned version of the Legion of the Damned with undead zombie guardsmen instead of heroic undead astartes, but I don't really have anything concrete about either.

And you are a poor critic.

This isn't a meaningless jab, by the way. Your post literally tells me nothing at all. It doesn't tell me what I'm doing wrong, where I need to improve, ect. I KNOW I'm a poor storyteller. Thats why I bothered to post on /tg/, to get feedback and hopefully IMPROVE.

>> No.42227892

> My general idea with the Tau was that they went full transhuman ...

There are simply not enough Tau for them to survive long term unless one of the other factions of 40k is willing to fight to protect them. But if someone does, they would make major changes to the Tau.

The tyranids are another problem. Their hunger means that they will either eat the galaxy or be wiped out.

So I've got a suggestions for the Tau. During their last stand against the nids they produced a very effective anti-nid weapon. They couldn't produce enough of it to save themselves, but the last Tau fleet was able to give it to the Imperium. Who were able to use it to end the nids.

I think it would be more appropriate to keep the Orks as they are. Make them the faction that never changes.

Plus the line "Waagh never changes" amuses me.

>> No.42228013

>killing off the tau to wank off the imperium


>> No.42228050


I'm still reading the thread and I'll post constructive criticism and ideas in a moment, but right now this is bothering me:

It's Slaanesh, not Slaneesh.

>> No.42228203

"It is the 51st Millennium. . To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the nicest and most liberal regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the weapons of war and slaugther, for so much has been forgotten, never to be relearned. Forget the promise of conquest and bloodshed, for in the bright and enlightened future there is only peace. There is no war amongst the stars, only an eternity of thriving culture and prosperity, and the laughter of joyful gods."

>> No.42228291

Uh, its not nearly that idealistic. The Eldar are still dicks, the Imps still hate aliens, the Orks are now OP monsters, and the three remaining Chaos Gods's have even more bullshit servants.

Like it may not be grimdark, but it isn't as bright and shiny as you seem to think it is. It's still a really shitty galaxy to live in.

>> No.42228381

I wasn't really refering to your fanfic, but on the concept of W50k.

>> No.42228575

I like the general idea of not everything being so grim dark and hopeless, but I also feel that's where 40k gets parts of its allure from. For me anyway. One idea that I think would definitely benefit from being fleshed out is the Legion of the Damned idea with guardsmen. Sort of like the guys who decided they couldn't give up the fight to save others even though they're dead. Like a legion of grizzled sergeants who don't even care about their cause anymore, but just want to get as many grunts home alive as possible. I think it could be interesting to see. Keep it up OP

>> No.42228968

Ah. Never mind then. Sorry about that


Will probably start a new thread about this tommorow, but yeah, I fully intend to expand on the Legion of Lost Souls(The aforemented undead guardsmen) as well as the other factions. Of course, the Legion, as I mentioned, is actually a evil faction.

That said, tired, not really feeling up to coninuing right now. Will make a new thread in the morning I guess.

>> No.42229349

I'd add at least one new Xenos faction so it's not just a lateral move.
Things to consider:
-What happens to the Emperor's Children with Slaanesh gone?
-For that matter, what are the ramifications to the Dark Eldar? Did the soul-rights go to one or all of the others?
-Is Terra now a daemon world? The Emperor may be hunky-dory in the warp, but his ass on the chair was the only thing keeping that gate closed.
-If the answer to last question is "yes", how's Mars doing? New capital?

>> No.42229608

Sorry, cant hear you over the indecipherable shit that is OOGA BOOGA DEEP WARP and TEH LEST GEWD MANG IN DA GALAXY

>> No.42232410

>Maybe Emps helps that Grey Knight Primarch (?) that is wandering the warp?
Why should Omegon wandering the warp?

>> No.42232483

>-What happens to the Emperor's Children with Slaanesh gone?
They become like Night Lords, which are already very close to "Emperor's Children without Chaos".

It's not a coincidence Night Lords work with Slaaneshi warbands all the time, and it's by far their favourite God of the 4.

>> No.42232667

My niggest of niggas.

>> No.42232787


Manages to make the Ultramarines look badass.

>> No.42232835

By 50k theTyrannids would have already arrived. So either the entire galaxy is picked clean or ruled by one of the other factions, which managed to achieve it's victory condition.

>Imperium surviving the death of the Emperor while failing to unlock their psyker evolution
>Tau surviving in any way in 50k
>Slaanesh dying somehow doesn't result in either the remaining gods fucking everything up with their new powers or fucking themselves up because lolchaos

>> No.42232841

Tyranids have won by that point

you have to remember that Behemoth, Kraken, Leviathan?

those are the scouting arms of the hive fleet.

>> No.42232846

None of this is going to happen because the Necrons would blow up the galaxy if they felt they are going to lose.

>> No.42232894


Hardly. If it really looks they're going to lose, they'll just lie down and have a nap again until those damn finally get off their lawn.

>> No.42232983

Or they get eaten by Tyranids.

>> No.42233817


Necrons will not enter the Great Sleep again because it warped their times to a great degree. They fear doing it again. Death would be preferable.

So the only option is destroying the galaxy via the Celestial Orrey or any galaxy busting weapon rather than giving it up a second time.

>> No.42233827

I didn't think it was that bad. You're not a writer but neither are most people. its fine for it purpose imo.

>> No.42235466

>Warhammer 50k
>Not just having a bunch of tyranids running around

Whelp, its nice to have a dream, anon

>> No.42235731

Agree with these anons, Tyranids are the real galactic threat

>> No.42235891

Not sure I like the removal of Slaanesh given the recent events to do that for age of sigmar. Nout wrong with trying to reduce the grimderp a bit though.

Tyranids are easy to deal with if you just make it that no, they're not just the scouting fleets of something huge. There's certainly space for that. And what's left could be blunted by the Orks. Necrons are a bit harder to deal with though I guess you could have the Eldar whip up more engines of Vaul since he's back and counter them that way.

>> No.42236253

People can only handle good writing for so long before they cave in and add all their personal biases and fanfic content. I don't like Spess Mehreens V2 and the Lion planning to teamkill everyone.
That said, 50k was probably the best way a post 40k setting was handled. Every hint in official materials was fleshed out respectfully and logically. Age of Dusk is where everything started getting [Redacted bcuz supa warp].

>> No.42236620

>to get feedback and hopefully IMPROVE.
Not him, but I'd like to try a go rewriting the Chaos God bit.
>>42227022 had a tone that went off tangent more than once. You get nice imagery going (sharks, eating a god) but don't press on it enough or create continuity in it. It's like a bauble you show the reader before throwing it into the bin. You also don't appeal to the aspects of the character you write about.
>Upon the wounding of the Prince of excess the Chaos Gods seized their opportunity, swarming upon their rival as sharks upon a blood scent. The tides and eddies of the Warp shuddered and churned, their currents blasted apart by the might of the frenzy.
>Mighty Khorne was first into the prey, tearing from his brother-god his martial perfection, for the Brass god only ever cared for what most directly served his creed. As time marched to its unielding cadence, his warriors Yadda yadda
>Nurgle stayed long with the carcass of the god, gorging deep on the virulent aspects of the Dark Prince's excesses. Long in his cauldron did his new rot fester, and blah blah
>Cunning Tzeentch pried from Slaanesh what he could, tearing flecks of power hither and tither that eluded the predatory savaging of his brothers. Long had the Changer of ways envied his brother the vast repositories of Eldar souls that lay churning in torment in his bowels. Those he did not subsume he etc. etc.
Battered out in seven minutes.
You could do with a larger vocabulary. A lot of the ham in Warhammer comes from their usage of archaic, esoteric or outright erudite words and phrases.
Hope that helped.

>> No.42236661


Agreed, just go fucking read the shape of the nightmare to come. If you want a bit more hope and happiness read the sequel which is called the age of dusk

>> No.42236695

But they aren't.

The fluff doesn't support that.

>> No.42238813

Except it does, chaos are always bigged up as the BBEG of the setting, but they make no real headway and feel more like an ever present threat as opposed to a game ending one

The arrival of the main hive fleet and the fact that if tyranids win a planet, no more planet to retake and a LOT more nids

>> No.42238842

>Except it does, chaos are always bigged up as the BBEG of the setting, but they make no real headway and feel more like an ever present threat as opposed to a game ending one

Untrue. Go re-read the lore outside of the Tyranid codex.

>The arrival of the main hive fleet and the fact that if tyranids win a planet, no more planet to retake and a LOT more nids

What are Daemon worlds? What are sector wide Warpstorms?

>> No.42239900

wouldn't Khorne be a huge fanboy of the nids given how much fucking bloodshed they tend to cause? Or does he hate them because they drink all the blood and leave none for him?

>> No.42239937

Daemon codex says that Tyranids are his playthings. He enjoys the bloodshed and carnage they cause.

>> No.42239949


I don't think Nids eat Necrons.

>> No.42240164

Why not just play Brighthammer?

>> No.42242149

This nigga hasn't updated 60k in like several fucking months. God damn I just wanna know how it all ends.

Also, I've read through 50k at least twice. But I'm having a really fucking hard time remembering anything that's happened in either 50 or 60k. Anyone else have this problem?

Vulcan's Imperium dealt with the Chaos Imperium. Necrons largely gone. Orks and Tyranids gone pretty much right? Some developing plot with the Phoenix Lords... Uh, what else?

>> No.42242183

So, I was just having a think about science fiction ships and I was wondering why Halo ships sometimes bigger than Warhammer ones even with far, far fewer worlds involved. Did some quick, rough math and now I kinda feel like Warhammer ships are actually undersized for the type of industry they should have.

>> No.42242355

This sums it up pretty well.


>> No.42242527

Orks are back.

One of the Krork War-Hulks crashed on a world full of feral orks and at least one Krork went native in a matter of minutes.

Western Chaos Imperium is still going strong under Logar and his new god. Eastern one is fucking dead, Abbadon is totally round the bend, gone full Malal and has been captured in by Salamanders just after he killed Huron Blackheart.

Necrons are mostly gone. The ones were transferred into human pariahs the Hrud were storing. The also have the Celestial Array.

Phoenix Lords are trying to free Ynnead without having to kill their people.

Also Kage sacrificed himself so that the Emperor could be born.

>> No.42242608

The idea that there's not enough tau is fucking retarded, since there's still more tau of the elite varieties that can curb stomp space marines than space marines.

>> No.42242646

Yeah, sorry, Emps being stronger than a chaos god is definitely over the top shinybright.

"Imperials are mean to aliens" doesn't mean shit when you hammer home the bit about how 100% of xenos deserve to be hated anyway.

>> No.42242670

>and it's by far their favourite God of the 4.


They were originally a Khorne warband.

>> No.42242737

>but they make no real headway

What? They do wayyyy more damage than the tyranids do.

>> No.42242841

Did he mention if he was ever gonna deal with the New Devourer again or did he just want to get rid of the Tyranids as a player? Also, I'm not sure I see the point of bringing back the Orks thematically.

What happened with the 2nd Chaos Imperium? I recall a huge battle with the biggest Imperium fleet Vulcan could get. Don't remember how they won though. Huron led that one right? How did Abbadon kill him? He went mental cuz he tried to make a orderly chaos Imperium and the other dudes kicked over his sandcastle right?

How did Kage die?... He was with Chronochick, fighting Ahriman or something? How did his death make the Emperor get reborn? Full Emperor or his humane shard? Fuck I don't even remember how Ahriman died. Something about his pyramid exploding?

>> No.42243266

New Devourer fucked off in the direction of another galaxy. Not long afterwards an Ophilian astronomer noticed the light of that entire galaxy go out.

Abbadon got kicked out of his Western Chaos Imperium by Logar. Doomrider smashed through the wall grabbed The Despoiler and got him to the dockyard with The Planet Killer. One bigass battle later and whats left of The Planet Killer and a few ships is being chased by Erebus on the Vengeful Spirit.

Abbadon gets to the Imperium of Travesties, a collection of petty little chaos realms around the Red Hole, and stars hammering them into an Empire. This is after he bullied half the Armaggedon Imperium into fixing his ships and build him a new armada.

Alpharius/Omegon lead a raid onto his flagship with some Horus Heresy Luna Wolves. Needless to say the Luna Wolves are a bit supprised to see what the First Captain has become. Horus chomps one of their brains after they are beaten off his ship and, seeing himself with new/old eyes, goes fucking nuts. Everything starts to fall apart for him after that.

Huron Blackheart is raiding Beil-tan craftworld to finally extinguish the eldar and to try and remind the galaxy that he still exists. Events spiral out of hand, everyone turns up and hijacks his party further pushing him into obscurity and then some asshole crashes The Planet Killer into his flagship. All this just as Vulkan's fleet turn up. They also board Hurons burning sinking ship. Abbadon and Huron cut each other to blood chunks. Abbadon wins but is royally mutilated. Salamanders find him and drag him to their ship thinking he is one of theirs.

>> No.42243302


Chronochick is the only one who can open the door into The Black Cube. By this point she is very heavily pregnant. She fucks up the machine of gristle and bone Ahriman was going to use to ascend to godhood but not before Ahriman slashes Kage across the neck. Kage is holding his neck closed when Chronochick goes into labor. It was not an easy birth and Kage had to help. This meant taking his hands off his neck and he baptized his newborn son in his last arterial blood.

Ahriman's spell backfires because of Chronochick's fuckery and it turns him to dust. It also completes the spell that got him kicked out of the KSons back in the day. Rubric Marines get flesh and bone and no clue what has happened since the Great Crusade. Vulkan gives them to the Blood Ravens for training against Russ' protests. Blood Ravens loot a bunch of shit.

Chronochicks kid gets used like an ethereal lightning rod for the soul of Sanguinius and whats left of the Emperor.

>> No.42243538

40k was originally just WFB in space. Why not just take age of sigmar and transpose it in the same way?

>> No.42243727

because Age of Sigmar is even worse than OP's take on things?

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