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41347673 No.41347673 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Who's your favorite epic hero?

Mine's Gilgamesh.
>single-handedly ends a siege/war
>takes over city he just saved
>proceeds to fuck the wives of every man in the city
>gods make a being specifically to fight him. Instead they become best friends

How can you be any more badass then that?

>> No.41347689

Sup Nasu.

>> No.41347708

>>41347673
>How can you be any more badass then that?
By not being from a dead civilization.

>> No.41348062

>>41347708
Name one civilization from that time period that exists today.

Protip
>you can't

>> No.41348165
File: 3.01 MB, 480x270, no tears only dreams.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41348165

>>41347673
>tfw Enkidu

>> No.41348727

>>41347673
What's the criteria for an epic hero?

>> No.41348830

For me, it's Kefka. Intelligent, Nihilistic and with a wicked sense of humor

>> No.41348852

>>41348062
Exactly. They're all shit now.

>> No.41348876

>>41348727
It has to be a hero from an epic.

>> No.41348901
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41348901

>>41348062
The Kingdom of Jerusalem

>> No.41348912
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41348912

Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson. Not only did this majestic motherfucker prevent an invasion of Britain by winning a battle where the odds were decidedly and wholeheartedly against him. He did so in a a manner that absolutely crippled his enemies. Also did I mention he's real?

>> No.41348970

>>41348912
Ruuule Britannia

>> No.41348979
File: 370 KB, 1600x1141, Samson-web.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41348979

>>41347673
Samson. Beat a million men to death with a donkey jaw, had sick metalhead hair, was eventually betrayed by a woman but still managed to bring down the house on his tormentors.

>> No.41349497

>>41348062
China

>> No.41349526

>>41347673
Mine is Cú Chulainn.
> single-handedly ends a siege/war
> so cute men are afraid he will take all wives
> makes a warrior-woman he's defeated bear him a son
> has a superpower of turning into a fucking one-eyed hulk when angry

>> No.41349576
File: 122 KB, 450x584, testament.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41349576

>>41348979
Hello, May I interest you in the Good Campaign Booklet of the lord?

>> No.41349589

>>41347673
>>41349526
I want Nasufags to not exist.

>> No.41349708

>>41348912

What I find particularly hilarious about him is his tactics more or less boiled down to GO RIGHT THE FUCK AT THEM AGHHHH

>> No.41349854
File: 60 KB, 400x300, Virat_rupa_vishnu.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41349854

Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita, just because i love when he shows up his real self to Arjuna, containing the whole universe and reality just in his body.

Also the iconography of that part is awesome.

>> No.41350120

Hanuman is pretty baller, and so is Sun Wukong. I guess I just like Monkey Kings.

>> No.41350342

>>41349589
What the fuck is Nasu and who the fuck are nasufags?
>>41348876
This >>41348727 !
>>41350120
Another cool guy, yheah.
> Stole a staff of dragons, the only weapon good enough for him
> Robbed dragons for armor appropriate for his staff
> was sentenced to... serving gods as a horsekeeper, and keep the staff for himself, because he's awesome
> Escaped from gods because he didn't feel like working as a horsekeeper

>> No.41350563

>>41349497
Uh, no. It's not the same nation in any way aside from geography

>> No.41350595

>>41349589
Googled Nasu. Didn't know what it was. Are you so uneducated that you don't know what/who Gilgamesh is?

>> No.41350602

>>41347673
Beowulf. I've read a couple different translations of Beowulf, and I gotta say I like him just about every time. A badass, honorable dude and good leader.

>> No.41350629

>>41350595
...or Cú Chulainn.
C'mon, nobody is that uneducated on /tg/, even kids. It's a troll.

>> No.41350641

>>41350563
When all you know about China is "China" it is very much the same country now as it has ever been.

>>41350595
I know who both Gilgamesh and Cú Chulainn are and I'd never heard of Nasu. That guy's level of cultural exposure is what one should expect on 4chan, I guess.

>> No.41350649

>>41347673
ROLAND
O
L
A
N
D

>> No.41350708

Mothafuckin' KARNA.

>child of the Sun God
>Born with Impenetrable Golden Armor Fused to his skin
>one of the greatest Warriors in all of India
>Access to entire Arsenal of Godly Weapons
>generous as fuck
>Always Keeps his Word
>ALWAYS
>cuts off his armor when Indra asks him to
>Indra blesses him with an Exclusive Astra in exchange
>Honorable as fuck
>Only defeated because he was cursed by a Brahmin, his Teacher, and the Earth herself

Fuck that Nasu bullshit, the Original KARNA is fucking amazing.

>> No.41350809

>>41348912
>odds were against him

I would've liked to see an alternate battle in which Nelson didn't fight two of the most incompetent admirals at the time, one of which Napoleon had ordered removed but the order didn't get there soon enough.

>> No.41350823

>>41350602
I'm a big Beowulf fan too. What's your favourite translation?

>> No.41351518

>>41349526
Don't forget the part where he coughs up his own liver due to being too angry and that's like, a normal thing that happens multiple times, isn't it?

>>41349589
>people like a thing that was referenced in a popular thing
>ergo they only like it because of said popular thing
This just in: Nobody listened to the Pixies before the Fight Club movie, and nobody read the comic either, according to a thesis proposed today by anon.

For reference, 'nasuverse' is the common moniker for the setting of the Fate series in which the spirits of legendary heroes are summoned to battle it out in a deathmatch for the Holy Grail. Named such for the author, Kinoko Nasu. The adaptations are worth a watch if you're not 100% averse to chinese cartoons, or you could play the VN or whatever. Most all of his work is supposedly set in this same universe.

>> No.41351725

>>41347673
Gilgamesh should have just given Ishtar the dick when she asked for it. He was totally a bad enough dude to survive as her lover, and that was literally the best pussy in the universe he passed up. Besides, if he'd gone ahead and fucked her, the Bull of Heaven would never have been sent to kill him, and his bro Enkidu wouldn't have been cursed to death by the gods for slaying it.

>> No.41351765

>>41350708
Is there any character that can beat Karna?

And I’m not just talking about charioteer lance wielding son of the Sun God Karna. And I’m not just talking about Karna capable of using all 15 Shastra’s, including Daarma Paasha, Naga Paasha, and Kaala Paasha. Hell, I’m not even talking about Karna after inheriting Vijiya’s Bow (Guaranteeing victory for the holder no matter what circumstance) from Lord Parashurama after training for years to become the greatest warrior and obtaining Brahmanda Astra (Which alone has the power to destroy our entire solar system). I’m talking about Suryalok abiding Karna barring all curses capable of using all Upasamhaara Astras including but not limited too Satyavanta, Satyakeerti, Dhristha, Rabhasa, Pratihaaratara, Paraanmuka, Avaanmukha, Dashaaksha, Shatavaktra, Dashasheersha, Shatodara, Padmanaabha, Mahaanaabha, Jyotisha, Vinidra, Daitya, Pramadhana, Suchibaahu, Mahaabaahu, Saarchirmaali, Dhritimaali, Vrittiman, Ruchira, Pitrya, Ssaumansa, and also thus Vidhoota, Makara, Karaveerakara, Dhana, Dhaanya, Kaamaroopa, Kaamaruchira, Moha, Aavarana, and thus Jrimbhaka, Sarvanaabha, Varana, wielding the Vasavi Shakti (Capable of killing even Gods with one stab), firing off every single Astra (Even Naga-Astra which delivers deadly poison upon impact), and receiving blessings from Bh?mi, Agni, Varuna, Vayu, Surya, and Indra. I’m talking about Messiah Karna that has Mohini Astra as well which is capable of negating all magic and Maheshwarasta which can reduce even celestial beings to ashes; wielding multipurpose astras, which naturally includes Andhatamisr, Mahatarany, Chakshushmat, Shaktinash, Vishvavasumah, Antak, Mriitunjay, Sarvasmritinashan and Sarvasmitidharan, Bhay, Ahbayankaraaindr, Maharog, Namatraym, Ayurnash, Kalasamkarchan, Mahasur, Muladurg, Muk, Mahavagvidiny, Vedataskar, Hiranyaksh, Mahavarah, Hiranyakaship, Urganrisimh, Balindr,, Vasudev, Sankarshan, Pradyumn, Kalyastra and Kalkyastra, Mahamoh and Shambhav Astras.

>> No.41351794

>>41349526

You forgot the rank E luck.

>> No.41351929

>>41347673

And then he got killed by a mere kid.

King of Jobbers.

>> No.41351968

>>41350823
Seamus Heaney has what is generally considered the best translation around.

>> No.41351976

>>41351794
Such things aren't worth of mentioning while talking about potatoes.

>> No.41352055

>>41351968
It's definitely my favourite, but I've only read two. I'm curious about Tolkien's, but it'll probably be a while before I get around to it.

>> No.41352075

>>41350708
>>41351765
Indian mythology is cheating and you know it. It's all the craziness of everyone else's mythology with a side of nuclear weapons.

>> No.41352241

>>41349576
Been seeing this mention on /tg/ a bit recently...I want to be a Babylonian sorcerer so fucking bad.

>> No.41352294

>>41349589
Some of us are literate and have read the original myths you subhuman fucktard

>> No.41352299

>>41347673
>control f + "Doom"
>0 results
anyone have that screen cap of the doom guy analysis on why he was so badass?
otherwise it would be donxiote, he was a nice fellow

>> No.41352364

>>41351518

Whether or not it's worth watching is extremely debatable.

The entirety of the Nasuverse is filled with great ideas and terrible executions.

>> No.41352388

>>41348062
Jews.

>> No.41352389

>>41351765

Fuck off with your copy pasta.

>> No.41352412

>>41352388
Jews are not a civilization.

>> No.41352434

>>41352389
What's got your knickers in a bunch, lass?

>> No.41352452

>>41351794
The Irish have no luck automatically. It's basically a racial trait.

>> No.41352464

>>41348062
Ethiopia

>>41348901
>>41352388
Uhm, unsure about that. If you go with the logical version they were still hill people, if you go with the biblical version they were still in Egypt

>> No.41352491

>>41351725

Copy pasta that distracts from the actual discussion of myths and legends.

>> No.41352515

>>41352491
Whoops, should be replying to >>41352434

>> No.41352522
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41352522

>>41350595
You could just check "Gilgamesh" in the archive if you want to know why he'd get the impression. Half the time it's something referencing blondie here.

>> No.41352552

>>41352522

Right, can we agree to NOT discuss Nasuverse crap in this thread?

Cause I'd like to have a discussion about King Arthur without it devolving into a waifu thread.

>> No.41352595

>>41347673
Orpheus is pretty badass if you don't take his ultimate failure in account
>His music was so good it made harpies shut up and listen to it
>Literally made Cerberus sleep like a baby
>Made Hades, the lord of the underworld, consent on giving back his wife

Too bad he was a min/maxer and failed the will check and looked back.

Then again, Gil did get his immortality whisked away by a snake

>> No.41352630

>>41352491
>>41352389
>copy pasta

The good old ctrl+c followed by ctrl+v is a closed compound.

>>41352552
King Arthur sucked balls to begin with.

>> No.41352657
File: 22 KB, 300x297, 1401586044585.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41352657

>>41352552
>/tg/
>Not devolving into waifu threads naturally

>> No.41352676

>>41352552
>Having a cuck as your national hero
Goddamn Britain

>> No.41352708

>>41352676
Is King Arthur literally the most famously cuckolded person in Western literature?

>> No.41352716

>>41352452

Beer swilling potato eating ginger here. I attest to this. Taking Irish as race gives racial flaw "Luck (always Bad)", but grants the racial boon "Strength Through Suffering".

>> No.41352742

>>41352708
Considering that he ruined his kingdom (according to French fan fiction) trying to murder the once best friend that slept with his life, calling him cuckold is misusing the word.

>> No.41352753

who or what is nasu

>> No.41352789

>>41352676
>>41352708

Right, lets get this out of the way.

In the original Legend of King Arthur, there was no Lancelot. The Kingdom collapsed because Arthur had a child (Mordred) with his half-sister who later came to destroy his kingdom.

Lancelot was added by a French writer later as a request from a patron. The whole thing with Lancelot and Guinevere falling in love was also added later.

That's right, Lancelot is literally a Fanfiction OC. He did not originally exist at all. All the modern interpretations are based on a Shitty French Fanfiction.

>> No.41352792
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41352792

>>41351725
>mfw Ishtar created muslims who have been systematically destroying the ruins of the civilization Gilgamesh once ruled
Looks like she got the last laugh.

>> No.41352794

>>41352742
Those cunts had a fucking Beowulf and then they had to go and adopt some welsh-roman cuckold.

>> No.41352800
File: 105 KB, 381x440, holy_family.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41352800

>>41352708
Arguable.

>> No.41352819

>>41352800
Nailed it.

>> No.41352860

>>41347673

Lets looks around the world.

Sigurd and Beowulf.

Charlemagne and his Paladins

King Arthur and the Knight of the Round Table

Fergus Mac Roich, Cu Culainn, Diarmuid and the other heroes of the Ulster Cycle.

Sundiata

Rostam

Tripitaka, Son Wukong, and the whole Journey to the West.

The Pandavas out of the Mahabharatha.

Miyamoto Musashi.

... I actually know barely anything about Japanese Heroes.

>> No.41352893

>>41352800
At least he got fuck her after the said divine NTR experience.

Well, at least if you're not a catholic. If you are then he is the most famous permanently blue balled cuckold in the world.

>> No.41352937

>>41352800
The Virgin Mary was never guilty of adultery.

>> No.41352961

>>41350809
Against a navy not crewed by green, ill trained landlubbers

>> No.41353004

>>41352742
>calling him cuckold is misusing the word.
A cuckold, by definition, is a person whose spouse is an adulteress. Arthur was married to Guinevere. Guinevere committed adultery. Arthur is a cuckold.

>> No.41353092
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41353092

I agree with OP

>> No.41353097

>>41353004

She was also a cuckold, considering that Mordred is Arthur's son by Morgan Le Fay.

And if you want to get really pedantic, Guinevere never cheated on him because Lancelot never existed.

>> No.41353098

>>41352789
Monotheism is a result of fan fiction.

>> No.41353138

>>41352961
So basically he went and beat up a naval version of special education kid and sometime after that got turned into a brandy cocktail?

>> No.41353165

>>41353097
>And if you want to get really pedantic, Guinevere never cheated on him because Lancelot never existed.
Actually, since you want to be pedantic, we're discussing Arthurian legend, in the context of which he did exist. Better luck next time.

>> No.41353178

>>41353098

>Monotheism is a result of fan fiction.

No, Monotheism is a result of some guys decided that there was only one God.

>> No.41353199

>>41353165

>Including Lancelot

I'm sorry, I thought we were discussing the actual Legend, not the shitty French version.

>> No.41353221

>>41353178
Yahweh was originally one god in a pantheon of many.

>> No.41353239

>>41353199
You must be an idiot then, because people pretty clearly mentioned Lancelot.

>> No.41353264

>>41353221

Then some guys decided that he was the Only God and convinced a bunch of people that this was true. The Old Testament and stuff came afterwards.

>> No.41353266

>>41353221
You can still see the remnants of his transition from one god amongst of many to supreme god amongst many to the one true god in the bible.

>> No.41353270

>>41352676
>Arthur's father slept with another man's wife while under a spell that made him look like that wife's husband
>the universe is just giving Arthur his just deserts

Even though I don't think Lancelot ever actually slept with her, same with how Tristram never slept with what's-her-name.

>> No.41353274

>>41353138
That's not even including the fact that his enemies were at the time preoccupied with fighting literally all of Europe at the same time, or the fact that the British navy had better canons, or the fact that the Franco-Spanish navy was actually trying to avoid a fight. Pretty much everything was in his favor at Trafalgar.

Overall Nelson wasn't really great, he lost about as many battles as he won with a few of his losses being quite decisive ones during the American Revolutionary War.

He was glorified simply because Britain needed a hero, not because he was one.

>> No.41353280

>>41352792
>Not knowing where Sumeria was
As expected of barbarian, ISIS has been mostly destroying Assyrian (Who are basically proto-sandniggers) Persians (Deserve it, they could have stopped it all, now they are fucking Iran of all things) and Babylonian.

>> No.41353293

>>41352299
>Doomguy
>not God Emperor of Battleworld Doom

>> No.41353298

>>41352716
I, too, am a potatonigger. It's not so much actual strength as stubborness through begrudgery. Just won't fuck off. God, we hold grudges like WHFB dwarves. We're fascinated by America, but we hate it and everyone from there. Fuck Britian, too! And the foreigners.

>> No.41353301

>>41353239

And I am informing you that he did not exist, therefore your entire discussion is predicated on idiocy.

>> No.41353314

>>41353264
It's easier to establish your God as the only one when he's God of War and you're followers worthy of his name.

>> No.41353357

>>41353199
If you wanted to discuss Arthurian legend from before Frenchmen took the lead in writing it, Mordred would be King Lot's son, Morgan le Fay and Morgause would be two distinct characters, a bunch of names would be written differently, dog-headed men would be everywhere, and Mordred would marry Guinevere while Arthur was abroad.

>> No.41353385

>>41349526
>turning into a fucking one-eyed hulk when angry

That is literally the worst, most unappreciative description of a warp spasm that I've ever heard.

>> No.41353386

>>41353301
Of course he did, within the context of the legend being discussed. You're pathetic.

>> No.41353406
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41353406

>>41353357
>If you wanted to discuss Arthurian legend from before Frenchmen took the lead in writing it

I really need someone to explain this shit to me. A Romano-Celtic general in Roman occupied Britain would somehow become a Welsh hero appropriated by the Anglo-Saxons whose stories are most famous because a Frenchman rewrote its entire lore for... reasons. Why?

>> No.41353408

>>41352294
>the original myths
>read

I don't think you understand what the medium of the actual originals was.

>> No.41353439

>>41352241
I do like how the Magi class's astrology feature leads to Old School style Wizard Battles as hordes of Magi flock to locations where they can absorb cosmic power

>> No.41353453

>>41353408
Wow you sure got him.

>> No.41353454

>>41353314
A lot of the monotheism stuff came from them being Babylonian slaves, that's the time their culture came together and tried to be something different. So instead of having multiple gods, they had one that they brought from their land. Wasn't a very good god of war at that time.

>> No.41353458

>>41353406

I'm pretty sure that's not how it happened.

But yeah I'm pretty sure the French added in chivalry somewhere.

>> No.41353471

>>41353298
There are more Irish in this Republic than yours you stupid Mick.

>> No.41353486

>>41353453

faggot

>> No.41353518

>>41353486
Wow you sure got me, too.

>> No.41353538

>>41353406
You should be happy that they didn't include the most recent cycle that includes Nips turning him into an otakub8 waifu.

>>41353471
Irish Irish or 1/64th "Irish"?

>> No.41353560

>>41353458
If I remember right, it's because chivalry was a really big fucking deal in France, since they really held up knights and peers more than most other kingdoms. So they pretty much had to make it more knightly to align more with French ideals at the time so it didn't seem like such a backwater hillybilly myth.

>> No.41353564

>>41352800
>>41352893
Wait, does this really count as NTR? I mean didn't Joseph come into the picture AFTER the conception of Christ?

Or are you implying Joseph cucked God?

Which, you have to admit, is scary nuts.

>> No.41353566

>>41353439
Anon, please, I can only be so erect. I haven't even read the book, probably never get to play it, but I feel I must now.

>> No.41353580

>>41353439
>Marduk's original character is obscure but he was later associated with water, vegetation, judgment, and magic.

It's his domain, make a Warlock pact with Marduk of the Assyrian empire. Do magic on corpses before the catapult the diseased ones over the walls at their enemies. Sounds like an awesome idea!

>> No.41353581
File: 187 KB, 1280x1024, Fate.stay.night.full.63233[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41353581

>>41353458
Why would they choose to shoehorn it into some obscure Welsh myth though? Didn't they already have their own Carolingian epics like the Chanson de Roland? It fascinates me not only that the Arthurian myths have evolved in such a strange way, but also that the version we're now most familliar with didn't even originate in the land Arthur supposedly lived in.

>>41353538
>You should be happy that they didn't include the most recent cycle that includes Nips turning him into an otakub8 waifu.
That I can actually understand, the Nips turn everything into kawaii waifubait. Ever heard of Hetalia? They literally turned the countries of the world into a fujoshi spankbank.

>> No.41353604

>>41353097
>Mordred is Arthur's son by Morgan Le Fay.
If you don't want to talk about the French take on the legend, Mordred would not be Arthur's son. And Morgause was Arthur's sister, before modern writers started conflating her with Morgan le Fay. And even in versions where Mordred was Arthur's son, I vaguely recall there being some circumstances making it arguable whether or not Arthur can be said to have voluntarily consented to the act, meaning there's a case to be made that it was not a case of adultery.

>> No.41353617

>>41353538
>Irish Irish or 1/64th "Irish"?
goatfuckers, that's like 50% more Irish than whatever they have by bloodline

>> No.41353644

>>41353471
What republic are you even talking about? America? Have you ever met an actual Irish person? I highly doubt it. Guess what, Macy's St Paddy's day parades aren't Irish, you aren't Irish, your granny aint Irish, we're a collection of bitter, begrudging shits who aren't unhappy unless we have a villain to blame our troubles on. In the 20s and onwards, our sons came back from America, renewed and rich and we resented that.

>> No.41353652

>>41353564
He's a playa yo

>> No.41353684

>>41353581
They did have the Peers of Charlemagne, yes. But I guess after you hear it for a few centuries it starts to get boring.

>> No.41353696

>>41353274
>He was glorified simply because Britain needed a hero, not because he was one.

I'm seeing a pattern here...

>nelson
>rorkes drift
>monty

>> No.41353725

>>41353564
Joseph was around before Mary was made the mother of Christ. He was even going to kill her before an angel stopped him and assured him she was carrying the son of God. However, the Saint Mary was never guilty of adultery, or else she wouldn't be the Virgin Mary. You should know all this from elementary school.

>> No.41353768

>Be Greek mercenary
>Rout entire Persian army
>Things get a bit scary when our leader is assassinated, but this young Athenian guy steps up and leads us back home
>Persians try to stop us, but we pillage our way back West with only minor casualties
>Get back to Asia Minor
>Athenian looks worried, tells us to drop all our loot and march day and night
>Kind of mad about this, until I realise where we are
>We can't stop here
>This is Kurd Country

>> No.41353777

>>41353725
>You should know all this from elementary school.
Sorry, I'm from one of those countries that teach evolution theory.

>> No.41353782

>>41353725
>You should know all this from elementary school.
I don't live in a theocracy, anon.

>> No.41353796

>>41353725
I'm a virgin Joseph honest!

Catholics just didn't want to.think about the mother of God getting royally fucked and screaming while covered in divine jizz lest women get ideas that sex was ok

>yet priests owned half the brothels in Europe

>> No.41353803

>>41353564
>18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ happened this way. While his mother Mary was engaged to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. 19 Because Joseph, her husband to be, was a righteous man, and because he did not want to disgrace her, he intended to divorce her privately. 20 When he had contemplated this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son and you will name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

>26 In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth, 27 to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, a descendant of David, and the virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel came to her and said, “Greetings, favored one, the Lord is with you!” 29 But she was greatly troubled by his words and began to wonder about the meaning of this greeting. 30 So the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God! 31 Listen: You will become pregnant and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. 32 He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of his father David.

>> No.41353829

>>41353684
Still weird that they imported a foreign story rather than making up a new one. Or am I simply using a too modern conception of national identity and did people in the Middle Ages not mind hearing stories about foreign knights as long as they were wicked chivalrous? I find it hard to imagine that a bard would sing of the tales of king Arthur to a bunch of French knights the night before they'd face the English in battle.

>> No.41353867

>>41353777
>>41353782
>anon makes a facetious remark about christian schooling in which the joke is that it's not actually reasonable to expect someone to have attended an elementary school that would've covered the subject in that much detail
>come back with "witty" retorts about how it's not actually reasonable to expect someone to have attended a religious school
Wow all that secular schooling really paid off for you two, good job.

>> No.41353868

Random cool thing about history, though I don't think there was really ever a hero to this story:

In ancient times, when the Celtic tribes were still spread across most of western Europe, a tribe fought their way through Italy, Greece, and all they way to Anatolia, where they promptly settled down. This tribe was later addressed by Saul in one of his letters, the Galatians.

>> No.41353876

>>41353684
Not even all the Peers were Frenchmen. I know at least one guy was a Brit.

>> No.41353906

>>41353867
Clearly yours didn't either, as you missed the point.

>> No.41353907

>>41353876
Astolfo?

>> No.41353946

>>41353906
No I didn't.

>> No.41353948
File: 683 KB, 759x857, tumblr_mg396utRj31r9tyrqo1_1280[1].png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41353948

>>41353876
>>41353907
I want to say they gave him the King Arthur treatment but they didn't. He's a boy, no matter how much he looks like a girl. To make things even worse, I think it's implied that people often mistake him for Napoleon, which means Napoleon is a trap too.

Yet the only justified (reverse) trap in Fate, Jeanne d'Arc, looks feminine as fuck complete with a long braid that goes past her hips.

The Fate universe is fucked up.

>> No.41353951
File: 80 KB, 655x368, k-on_yui_crying.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41353951

The three sons of Turenn. All other heroes are lesser in comparison.
>Given a quest as an alternative to execution, to gather a handful of common items; three apples, a spear, two steeds, etc
>The three brothers accept
>Turns out the quest isn't for any old apple, but the legendary golden apples, the legendary spear, etc
>An impossible quest meant to torment them with an inevitable failure
>The three idiot brothers traveling around the world trying to woe the owners with poetry, and win their favor despite being uneducated but not enough to receive the items
>Proceed to murder them and steal them, including throwing a golden apple at the king of Persia's face so hard his head explodes
>Eventually they are interrupted and told they can just ask for the items now, because they've got a reputation as legendary globe trotting murdering thieves
>Complete the impossible quest and make their way home
>Quest-giver sends out legendary warriors to kill them
>The three brothers slay the warriors, but are mortally wounded in the fight
>Despite dying along the way, the three brothers deliver the items within the agreed upon time, the last surviving requesting use of them to save his two brothers, dead in his arms
>Quest giver refuses

>> No.41353960

>>41353876
There was Ogier the Dane, I remember him. And I think a Moor turned later.

Kind of sad that literally every non-Christian was a dude who end up turning to Jesus in some form or another, or they were an absolute dick.

>> No.41353980

>>41353948
We're not even talking about the animu

Bring back Bradamante, she was a female warrior who was actually pretty cool and from the original tales.

>> No.41354007

>>41349526
You forgot tying himself to a pole as he dies with his own guts so that he intimidates the enemy force even in death, and saves the lives of his men.

>> No.41354058

>>41353948
You probably won't want to know what they have done with the Ripper Jack and Attila.

>> No.41354075

>>41354058
....I think I do. Let me guess, they're cute little girls/traps?

>> No.41354089

>>41353796
Well, the reasonging behind that was that at the time brothels were considered a sort of public service if you will. Dudes are going to want sex no matter what, so better that they go to the brothel and have sex there than to go out and rape some poor burghers daughter.
IIRC some catholic bishop explicitly drew a parallel to that of a sewer. A sewer is a dirty disgusting thing, but it has a very good purpose, and is needed in an otherwise clean upstanding town.

>> No.41354128

>>41354058
Or Frankenstein and Enkidu.

>> No.41354143

>>41354075
Pic related is Jack the Ripper.

>> No.41354167

>>41354089
And because the priests liked a good hard fuck

>> No.41354178
File: 44 KB, 499x669, rainbow lightsaber.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354178

>>41354075
Ripper Jack has two different versions, one that is a loli stripper that is into unbirth and other one that is apparently a shapeshifter.

Pic related is Attila.

>> No.41354189
File: 370 KB, 570x1000, Jack_i.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354189

>>41354143
I'm too off my meds for this.

>> No.41354217
File: 548 KB, 528x1416, gil abd enkidu.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354217

>>41347673

>> No.41354230
File: 33 KB, 439x214, 1422661228182.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354230

>>41354189
Time for Jack to let 'er rip!

Seriously what the fuck were they thinking?

>> No.41354246

>>41354217
>dat seibah
my sides

>> No.41354251

>>41353725
>He was even going to kill her

lol no divorce isn't that bad

>> No.41354259

>>41354230
>Seriously what the fuck were they thinking?
hnnng my dick
I think that's it

>> No.41354267

>>41353768

Based anon

Anabasis ftw

>> No.41354272

>>41354230
>Seriously what the fuck were they thinking?
It's a third party. Nasu didn't write it.

That being said, they were pursing the idea that Jack the Ripper is a child prostitute who murdered prostitutes to give herself the feeling of being with her mother again.

>> No.41354281

>>41354230
She's Curse of Orphans (during industrial revolution) made manifest, it makes sense in a way. "I wish I was never born, I wish to return to the womb."

>> No.41354282

>>41354259
Same thing happened with Francis Drake and she ended up becoming a drunk tit pirate.

>> No.41354310

>>41353951
I think I read that Irish myth once. Weren't they about to get executed because they killed someone who had shapeshifted into a pig or something?

>> No.41354315

>>41354178
>>41354189
Fookin' 'ell m8

>> No.41354319

>>41352522
>Gilgamesh
>some blonde metrosexual in full golden plate armor
No.

>> No.41354366
File: 358 KB, 1024x920, 9780374324421.IN07.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354366

Not so much an epic hero but for folk heroes my favorite is The Fool of the World
>Be born a complete idiot
>Tsar wants a flying ship, will sell his daughter for it
>Despite being an idiot, set out with only a days lunch of burnt bread and stale water
>Share lunch with old beggar who tell me to strike the tallest tree in the forest 3 times, cross myself 3 times, and then fall over and take a nap
>Do so
>Wake up; flying ship
>Pick up a shit ton of peasant bros on the way to palace of Czar, singing and drinking all the way
>Tzar doesn't want to sell daughter to dirty peasant
>Tries to make me complete impossible tasks (drink 12 barrels of wine, eat 4 roast oxen, 24 loaves of bread, get water of fountain of life before supper time, take bath in red hot iron bath house)
>All solved by magical peasant bros I brought along
>Czar asks for army to prove I can protect Princess
>Last peasant bro summons army out of huge bundle of sticks he was carrying
>Threaten Tzar with his life unless he gives princess
>Become new Czar, wise as shit, rich as fuck, and loved by everyone, especially the princess

>> No.41354377
File: 84 KB, 462x345, Er.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354377

>Who's your favorite epic hero?
Alice

>> No.41354385

>>41347673
How is he one-third god, anyway?

>> No.41354391

>>41354251
I'm not sure if there's another version which that guy's read, but I remember the story as Joseph intending to quietly divorce her because he thought that was the right thing to do for both of them.

>> No.41354396
File: 345 KB, 710x495, odysseus and sirens4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354396

>>41347673
Call me old fashioned, but I really like Odysseus. He's one of the few Greek heros who gets a happy (Well relatively happy for a Greek) ending

Plus he was Eumenes's favorite hero

>> No.41354418

>>41354319
He also comes in half-naked, metal cut-off and kid versions.

>> No.41354422

>>41354272
>Nasu didn't write it.
Didn't he endorse it though?

>> No.41354433

>>41354366
That sounds like some fun-ass shit.

>> No.41354453

>>41354385
It involves Zeus, Monty Hall, and non-euclidian geometry.

>> No.41354465

>>41348912
I liked that Korean admiral better.

>> No.41354507

>>41354396
I kinda have a thing for Perseus. The story isn't really the most epic or thrilling of the ones that pertain to the Greek heroes. I like him as sort of a slight contrast to some of the other heroes, though. A lot of those guys were assholes or at best morally ambiguous, but Perseus comes off as being almost unreasonably kind next to them.

>> No.41354530
File: 52 KB, 547x716, Susano-o.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354530

>>41354281
>>41354272
>trying to rationalise this shit

Come on.

>>41352860
Susanoo, Ookuninushi, Minamoto no Yoshitsune, Tomoe Gozen, Momotarou and a bunch of other Tarou. Susanoo is my favourite though, he's done some cool stuff.

>> No.41354545

>>41354507
> A lot of those guys were assholes or at best morally ambiguous
Just everyone involved in Troy, and Hercules. There were a few okay Greek heroes.

Also a lot of guys were cursed to fuck up by their ancestors.

>> No.41354547
File: 219 KB, 700x1400, 1409699300293.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354547

Obligatory.

>> No.41354563

>>41354545
Wasn't Bellerophon a pretty cool guy too? Until he got cocky, that is.

>> No.41354577

>>41354547
>Arther
>dressed in Monty Python garb
>not as a Roman Centurion
One job, this guy had one job.

>> No.41354588

>>41354563
More or less, but he kind of got supplanted by Perseus.

>> No.41354622

>>41354577
Still less anachronistic than the plate armor worn by the blonde 14-year-old girl.

>> No.41354635

>>41352792
>Ishtar created muslims
You can't just throw some crazy shit like that out there and not elaborate on it, anon.

>> No.41354679
File: 115 KB, 625x663, king of britons.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41354679

>>41354547

>> No.41354722

>>41354547
Okay, I don't follow the Fate series, but I recognize Saber is supposed to be Arthur. Who is everyone else supposed to be?

>> No.41354746

>>41354679
>Excalibur
10/10 would summon the Dragon's Breath again

>> No.41354799

>>41349854

Was about to post pretty much the exact same thing. That scene in the BG is mindblowing.

>> No.41354806

No god of war himself, guan motha fuckin yu? For shame

>> No.41354821

>>41354722
Gold one is Gilgamesh, right boobie is Guan Yu, left boobie is probably Zhang Fei. Not sure here, I just googled the last two.

>> No.41354876

>>41353960
The Song of Roland, at least, is a good part anti-muslim propaganda, so it's not surprising. On the other hand, some of the Muslims get pretty cool descriptions and deaths. The Sultan that Charlemange fights at the end of the Song (I forget his name), even gets the line "If he were Christian, God what a warrior."

>> No.41355002

>>41353829
>implying the tales of the noble king do not justify the battle you wage against those who besmirch his once great nation

>> No.41355042

>>41353951
The Three Grimdark Stooges

>> No.41355070

>>41347673
Dunno. Jason, maybe. Not because he was some unrivaled badass or that he was exceptionally cunning or that he has a bunch of great deeds attributed to him. I just really like the character and the stories he's prominently featured in. His character his role in the stories, and his relationship with other characters all really fascinates me.

>> No.41355077

>>41354272
>It's a third party. Nasu didn't write it.
How is any of this different from Nasu's terrible writing?

>> No.41355103

>>41354366
>the original RNGesus

>> No.41355110

>>41355002
Are you making this up or was it actually justified this way?

>> No.41355123

>>41354385
2/3rds God.

And it's because his mom was fucked by two different gods.

>> No.41355132

>>41347673
Diomedes

The single baddest motherfucker to ever exist in Greek mythology and anyone who says otherwise is a pussy fuccboi

He is the ONLY MORTAL to EVER wound *TWO* Greek gods, and this fucker did both in the SAME DAY

He beat the shit out of Aphrodite and almost killed her pussy son in front of her before she ran away, and then when Ares, the GOD OF WAR AND COMBAT, came, he fucking CAUGHT HIS SPEAR and THREW IT BACK INTO HIM

When you beat the fucking daddy issues out of the god of war you know you're a fucking baller

Diomedes then was granted immortality by Athena and worshipped in a Hero cult for having the biggest fucking balls the world has ever known

legend holds that Atlas is holding up the sky and the world, preventing it from falling. This is only partially correct, as he is in fact supporting Diomedes galaxy sized testicles and preventing them from crushing every mortal beneath their might

>> No.41355153

>>41355110
I'm guessing entirely.

But if I can think it up now, they could think it up then.

>> No.41355194

>>41355132
I like the Dioscuri better.

>> No.41355484

>>41354547
Can someone explain it please? I think it's a reference to that anime/game/hentai doujin Fate Zero or fate something but I can't tell what's on exactly.

>> No.41355543

>>41355484
its the "historical" representations of the various heroes (gilgamesh, king arthur) glaring at the weebshit representation they have in the Fate/Stay Night or Fate/Zero japanese porn games

king arthur is a blonde bimbo named Saber, Gilgamesh is a poof, and others are chicks because japan loves that sort of shit

daemonbane and F/SN and F/Z are spinoffs of literal pornography and people think its such DEEP LORE WOW

>> No.41355793

>>41355543
>literal pornography
Try making that statement about Fate in one of /a/'s threads and watch them explode.

>> No.41355845

>>41355793
of course, god forbid anyone criticize their perfect fucking trap whore waifu Saber

doesn't make it any less true though

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fate/stay_night

"Fate/stay night (Japanese: フェイト/ステイナイト Hepburn: Feito/Sutei Naito?) is a Japanese visual novel developed by Type-Moon, which was originally released as an adult game for Windows."

Daemonbane is even worse in that regard

>> No.41355954

>>41355845
Daemonbane is sometimes good for shutting down powerlevel shit.

>> No.41356024
File: 33 KB, 485x327, bhismaarrowbed.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356024

>>41350708
You forget

>Vain
>Jobber
>E rank luck

>> No.41356028
File: 713 KB, 1593x5000, Power Man.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356028

>>41355954
that's what powerman is for, anon

>> No.41356029

>>41355543
>daemonbane and F/SN and F/Z are spinoffs of literal pornography and people think its such DEEP LORE WOW
>spinoffs
No, they ARE literal pornography.

That said, don't knock literal Japanese pornography. The invention of the novel arose from that shit.

>> No.41356080

>>41356028
Could Power Girl beat Power Man?

>> No.41356084

>>41354635
Ishtar was one of the names of the goddess that was variously referred to as Ishtar/Astarte/Inanna/Cybele/Magna Mater/etc. throughout Arabia and Asia Minor.

The Kabah (black cube in Mecca) was built during pre-Islamic antiquity, and was a temple to a local variant of that moon goddess at the time when Mohammed came upon it. He immediately set that ancient pagan structure as the central location of his religion towards which everyone prayed and must make a pilgrimage. At the same time, symbolism associated with the goddess began finding its way into Islam. Here you can see Her wearing the little golden crescent moon headdress that ended up becoming the Muslim crescent.

Clearly the goddess possessed Mohammed and took over his fledgling religion to turn it into a cult unknowingly venerating her.

>> No.41356106
File: 19 KB, 366x488, 4352345234.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356106

>>41356084
Damn phone fucking up my image upload.

>> No.41356108

>>41354366
>summons army out of huge bundle of sticks

literally a personal army of faggots

>> No.41356109

>>41356080
>Power Girl
nigger shes literally in the image

the answer is no

>> No.41356122

>>41356084
Gaiman, just start over. Nobody is in that big of a rush for American Gods 2 and that shit sounds terrible.

>> No.41356132

>>41356106
Is there some symbolism to the arms or is that ancient action figure articulation?

>> No.41356147

>>41350708
He could have had his teacher's curse lifted, but he figured his defeat was ultimately for the greater good. The fact that he was so reduced and that he still fought Arjuna to a stalemate, despite all the latter's hax bullshit, is just icing on the cake that is Karna's badassery. His sacrifice is the cherry on top.

>> No.41356152

>>41354385

Grandmother fucked by a god, mother fucked by a god.

This is pretty simple stuff here m8.

>> No.41356153

>>41356122
kek

>> No.41356154

>>41356109
>nigger shes literally in the image
Not that Power Girl, the OTHER Power Girl.

And I'm not talking about Luke Cage either.

>> No.41356172

>>41356084
>Clearly the goddess possessed Mohammed and took over his fledgling religion to turn it into a cult unknowingly venerating her.
>>41356106

I think it had to do with the controversal Satanic Verses though. Didn't she have two siblings or something? I remember something about a bunch of Meccan pagans worshipping a moon god and his three daughters. Muhammad declared Allah to be his god and condoned the worship of his three daughters if the pagans converted. After the conversion of these pagans he declared that the verses condoning the worship of the moon gods daughters were inspired by Satan. Worshipping those three daughters was once again declared heretical, but the converts could not return to their old pagan ways as apostasy means death in Islam.

Salmun Rushdie named his book after these Satanic verses, understandably the Islamic world was none to pleased, to the point where Fatwas against him were declared from Iran. While Salmun Rushdie lived and wrote in the UK.

>> No.41356197

>>41354821
Ahh so is like 'actual' historical characters getting angry as their anime versions. Ok, now I can laugh. Thank you based anon

>> No.41356218
File: 201 KB, 1920x1080, Excalibait.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356218

>>41355845

I'll take the bait.

Yeah, it has some ero scenes, but they were pretty much added in because his publisher insisted, as it would cause it to sell more. Even then, there are roughly one sex scene per route. None of them particularly sexy.

It is an erotic novel in the same way that a normal movie that has a sex scene is a porno.

>> No.41356247

>>41350708
>>Always Keeps his Word
Didn't he technically go back on his word to Duryodhana by accepting his death against Arjuna?

>> No.41356267

>>41356218
If a normal movie had an explicit XXX sex scene, it would be a porno.

Words words words doesn't stop something from being a porno. To do that you need Steam to remove all the best scenes.

>> No.41356268

>>41356218
>his publisher
He owns the company.

>> No.41356287

>>41356218
So it is by definition an eroge, a porn game?

>> No.41356342

>>41356287
>I won't debate whether this piece of media exists solely or even primarily as a means of sexually titillating the reader and instead will go for a pedantic semantic nitpick because that will allow me to feel as though I've won an argument
Sure dude, it's an eroge. Good job.

>> No.41356365

>>41356218
it was sold as a japanese eroge to an eroge audience

it's porn

weeaboo fifty shades of grey

deal with it

>> No.41356371

>>41347673
My favorite scene was when the goddess was like "DAADDYYYY GILGAMESH SAID MEAN THINGS TO ME" and he was like "It's all true m8" and she was like "IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE BULL OF HEAVEN TO KILL GILGAMESH, I'LL BREAK DOWN THE GATES OF THE UNDERWORLD AND DESTROY MANKIND" and he's like "Fine..."

Then Endiku rips off the Bull's leg and throws it at her. Then Gilgamesh laughs at her and says that she doesn't have a single follower in the entire city.

Ishtar wasn't very highly-respected was she?

>> No.41356387

>>41356365
You fuck ONE mollusk, I swear.

>> No.41356401

>>41356365
I don't care either way about whether it's an eroge but just because something is erotica doesn't mean it's 50 shades of grey tier, you little bitchbaby.

>> No.41356410

>>41356365

Is a song of ice and fire porn?

It has more sex per book/season than fate has in its entirety.

>> No.41356415

>>41356371
>Ishtar wasn't very highly-respected was she?
Who gives a shit, Gilgamesh's city has no female whores.

It's a literal sausage fest in there.

>> No.41356418

>>41356371
She got a nice gate though

>> No.41356434

>>41354679
Typical Mormon:
Under no circumstance will I wear any underwear that hasn't been picked by Joseph Smith

>> No.41356452

>>41356401
you're right, as an actual novel 50 shades of grey has by far more creative value than fate/stay night does

"what if king arthur was a magical girl and i fucked her and she loved me forever and ever"

"what if a powerful business executive treated you like a princess and did bondage shit"


waifufags are cancer

saber and christian grey serve the EXACT SAME wish-fulfillment fantasy and are equally cancerous

>> No.41356456

>>41355543
>Gilgamesh is a poof
Not gonna lie, I hate fags as much as the next person, but Gilgamesh is gay as hell.

Well, he fucks anything that moves really, but he especially fucks Endiku.

>> No.41356463

>>41356410
If it's graphic then yeah it's at least softcore.

If it's not graphic it's probably just smut, not porn.

>> No.41356475

>>41356410
asoiaf isn't created as an eroge, marketed as an eroge and sold as one

fate/ is

suck it up buttercup, you're in love with a virtual pornstar

>> No.41356496

>>41356452
>you're right, as an actual novel 50 shades of grey has by far more creative value than fate/stay night does
Why would a novel with pictures have less creative value than a novel without pictures?

Does a caption have more creative value than a picture and caption?

>> No.41356499

>>41356456
he's a manly faggot though, not a blonde whiny bimbo like in fate

hes like a dog asserting dominance with his deific dick

>> No.41356503

>>41356452
Wow man sorry the animes got your goat.

>> No.41356510

>>41356415
>Gilgamesh's city has no female whores.
Like, the third main character is a whore

>> No.41356511

>>41356172
And on /x/, you will find whackjobs that literally think that's real and not the natural progression of things.

>>41356342
>implying people don't play that gay anime shit for the payout at the end.

>>41352075
Same shit with islam, Hindu survived by absorbing smaller traditions and religions so muh core gods HAVE TO BE THE STRONGEST WITH BETTER MAGIC THAN URS NUH UH THEY WOULD JUST STOP TIME AND KILL UR DAD.

>> No.41356518

>>41353385
>>41349526

It would, in fact, be more accurate to say that Cu Chulain goes super saiyan. His hair gets spiky (he was already blonde), his eyes go crazy, he gets super bulky and he screams a lot.

>> No.41356526

>>41356452
>you're right, as an actual novel 50 shades of grey has by far more creative value than fate/stay night does
I don't know much about FSN but I know you have to be a severely butthurt antiweeb to make that statement with any sort of sincerity.

>> No.41356532

>>41356496
the same way pornography has less value than a sex scene on TV or late night HBO

talk about a fucking derail.

Keep your trap waifu shit in your containment thread smut fags

"i want to fuck a historical male figure and king but its NOT GAY SHES A GIRL THIS TIME"

literally

gay

>> No.41356535

>>41356434
Technically speaking, here have been more than one form of Temple Garment throughout history, and the current model just looks like your typical white boxers and silk undershirt.

Plus people complain about Mormon underwear, yet they have no problem with Sikhs having their sacred undergarments, which is funny since they perform the exact same purpose.

>> No.41356537

>>41356475
>asoiaf isn't created as an eroge, marketed as an eroge and sold as one
Kay
>fate/ is
Other than all the fate/ material that isn't, sure.

Marketing material doesn't change content btw, so your line of reasoning is retarded.

>> No.41356549

>>41356084
So, in Mohammed's life we can literally see what would have happened to Gilgamesh had he accepted Ishtar's offer to become her lover?

>> No.41356557

>>41356511
>that gay anime shit
How old are ya champ?

>> No.41356563

>>41356496
You're getting baited. There is no empirical creative value. As much as I don't really care about your gay little girl shit, he's just spouting about his opinions.

>> No.41356580

>>41351765

Actually choked on a cookie there. Good job.

>> No.41356582

>>41356532
>the same way pornography has less value than a sex scene on TV or late night HBO
Quit watching/reading shitty porn.

>> No.41356584

>>41356526
nah, they're about the same level of garbage

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fate/stay_night

teenage boy finds magical girl, wins tournament, fucks her

the end

japan is not a very creative country anymore

>> No.41356586

>>41356268
So the material is independently published? That explains so much.

>> No.41356593

>>41356532
50 Shades of Grey is much more explicitly for the sexual titillation of the reader than Fate, so you're disproving yourself there.

Then again you're clearly past the point of rationality on this one.

>> No.41356616

>>41356532
>"i want to fuck a historical male figure and king but its NOT GAY SHES A GIRL THIS TIME"
To be fair, it is canon in fate/ that at least part of the time, Saber has a dick, so people lusting after her probably aren't too worried about whether or not they come across as gay.

I mean Arturia IS a father.

>> No.41356617

>>41356267
literature is rated different through. Are you saying Clan of the Cave Bear is a porno? Cause that whole series has a ton of sex, explicit too

>> No.41356624

>>41356532
>literally gay
Oooooh noooooo~! Not gay!

>> No.41356632

>>41356563
>You're getting baited
I know. I kinda want to see where this goes.

Sometimes its fun to follow shitty bait until the person talks himself into a corner.

>> No.41356641

>>41356593
they are both for sexual release

thats what porn is for

fate is porn

50 shades is porn (the movie not so much its just mediocre garbage with a hot female lead)

>> No.41356645

>>41356268
He's only co-founder, Takeuchi is his boss.

>> No.41356649

>>41356616
>Saber has a dick,
Fucking japanese man. Just making King Arthur a girl wasn't kinky enough, so they needed to make it a girl with a dick too.

>> No.41356667

>>41356624
where do you think you are faggot

>> No.41356673

>>41356617
>Cause that whole series has a ton of sex, explicit too
Yes. That's porn.

>> No.41356674

>>41356535
The difference is that Mormonism represents itself as a Christian religion, while Sikhism is crazy eastern magic.

>> No.41356682

>>41356584
Sure they are. They have a genuinely robust creative industry that lets gems stand out from a core of widely desired wish fulfillment and cute shit.

>> No.41356690

>>41356632
>>i'm only pretending to be retarded so its okay to keep eating shit

>> No.41356699
File: 142 KB, 1024x1636, large[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356699

>>41356617
>Clan of the Cave Bear
Get on my level you fucking casual

>> No.41356700

>>41356667
On /tg/ you fucking idiot, one of the most sexually adventurous boards on 4chan.

>> No.41356716

>>41354385
>>41355123

This is the correct answer. His mother was fucked by two gods who both impregnated her at the same time.

>> No.41356725

>>41356641
If they're both the same in purpose and result (they're not, as one is plainly more pornographic than the other) then why did you say that one has more value than the other? And for real, how old are you?

>> No.41356726

>>41356700
>sexually adventurous
it's just /d/-lite with a bunch of horny neckbeards that DESPERATELY want to rationalize sex with a Succubus

>> No.41356740

>>41356699
I prefer Space Raptor Butt Invasion, myself.

>> No.41356743

>>41356726
Are you under the impression your statement somehow disproves mine?

>> No.41356747

>>41356586
It was originally a doujin circle which then got the capital to start making visual novels. He's the co-founder together with his artistically challenged otaku friend.

>> No.41356751

>>41356725
you're right, fate/ is more pornographic>>41356725
>And for real, how old are you?
where do you think you are faggot

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgHNtzxO0y8

>> No.41356762
File: 739 KB, 433x655, enhanced-11497-1422505698-12[1].png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356762

>>41356740
I haven't read any of them but purely going by the titles I'd have to say pic related is my favorite.

When I first saw it, the title made me giggle like a madman.

>> No.41356770
File: 37 KB, 297x475, 25250570.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356770

>>41356699
>>41356740
I'm sorry, I can't get on your level because it's so far down there.

>> No.41356775

>>41356751
So you're underage. Gotcha.

>> No.41356781

>>41356726
lmao "B-but what if they're good and don't steal souls! That way, now that I've justified it in public, I don't have to feel reservations about my own sex fantasies!"

>> No.41356793
File: 94 KB, 751x376, haha no reason.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356793

>>41356770
>>41356762
got nothing on this masterpiece right here

http://nanowrimo.org/participants/hornymantravis/novels/sex-motorcycle

>> No.41356795

>>41356726
There's technically nothing wrong with sex with a Succubus as long as you marry her first.

I mean demons secure souls through corruption after all. They can't just straight up steal your soul. A pure soul isn't the domain of any demon. You have to fall to sin or sell your soul.

>> No.41356797

>>41356770
Curse you anon, I laughed so hard my belly hurts.

>> No.41356798

>>41356762
I don't think many people have actually read them. Just the titles are amazing. Pounded by President Bigfoot is great as well.

>> No.41356820

>>41356795
>I'm so insecure that I do mental gymnastics so I don't feel bad when I masturbate

>> No.41356823

>>41356795
or you could just not fuck a sex demon

better yet, just be a wizard and baleful polymorph them into something small and fuckable

>> No.41356826

>>41356793
I-is it wrong that I want to buy it?

That excerpt is fucking hilarious.

>> No.41356834

>>41356699
>>41356762
>>41356770
I'm not sure I'm not feeling terrible about having just been made aware that this exists. It just feels sort of empty inside. I was already coping with Ass-Goblins of Auschwitz, I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

>> No.41356837

>>41356797
There's better:
http://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Gayness-Dinosaur-Transitioning-Unicorn-ebook/dp/B00YSLQEVG/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
http://www.amazon.com/Bigfoot-Settlers-Claim-My-Butthole-ebook/dp/B00YHKJ0R8/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
http://www.amazon.com/Lonely-Author-Pounded-Dinosaur-Followers-ebook/dp/B00YO2UMAS/ref=pd_sim_sbs_351_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=1PCNE108FGKQ5AXPEWDQ

>> No.41356848
File: 548 KB, 974x1400, 25.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356848

>>41356793
>that pic
Japan is the Simpsons of porn

>> No.41356865

>>41356834
>>41356837
i'm pretty sure there's some minecraft erotic fiction for sale too

>> No.41356881

>>41356820
I haven't felt bad while masturbating since I read Mai-chan's Daily Life.

And I'm not insecure. I was just pointing shit out. If god has a problem with what I masturbate to he can take it up with my dick.

>> No.41356890
File: 39 KB, 313x500, 51m2objEasL[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356890

>>41356834
>I was already coping with Ass-Goblins of Auschwitz
There's an entire series, and I think the author is still writing new ones.

>>41356848
Fucking Japan, is there anything they haven't turned into porn yet?

>> No.41356918

>>41356865
http://www.amazon.com/Slammed-Butt-Hot-Coffee-Boss-ebook/dp/B0101BQAX8/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
But does it involve getting fucked by an anthropomorphic cup of hot coffee in a position of dominance?

>> No.41356920

>>41356584
>I read a synopsis of literally the most obliviously happy of the three storylines in the novel that makes up barely 30% of the content if that and am now making generalizations about it

Go ahead, have fun doing that to Heaven's Feel.

>> No.41356923

>>41347689
???

>> No.41356936

>>41356920
>novel
kek

>> No.41356940

>>41356823
>or you could just not fuck a sex demon
Now THAT'D be a sin or at the very least a wasted opportunity, which is a sin in some moral systems.

>> No.41356943
File: 2.27 MB, 497x211, 1363545760291.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356943

>>41356834
>Ass-Goblins of Auschwitz
I really, really did not want to remember that this exists.

>> No.41356948

>>41356920
Don't feed the trolls, anon.

>> No.41356950

>>41356518

>gets super bulky

"His shanks and his joints, every knuckle and angle and organ from head to foot, shook like a tree in the flood or a reed in the stream. His body made a furious twist inside his skin, so that his feet and shins switched to the rear and his heels and calves switched to the front... On his head the temple-sinews stretched to the nape of his neck, each mighty, immense, measureless knob as big as the head of a month-old child... he sucked one eye so deep into his head that a wild crane couldn't probe it onto his cheek out of the depths of his skull; the other eye fell out along his cheek. His mouth weirdly distorted: his cheek peeled back from his jaws until the gullet appeared, his lungs and his liver flapped in his mouth and throat, his lower jaw struck the upper a lion-killing blow, and fiery flakes large as a ram's fleece reached his mouth from his throat... The hair of his head twisted like the tangle of a red thornbush stuck in a gap; if a royal apple tree with all its kingly fruit were shaken above him, scarce an apple would reach the ground but each would be spiked on a bristle of his hair as it stood up on his scalp with rage."

We're not talking about fucking Goku here.

>> No.41356965

>>41356948
I'm sorry, looking back on that it was obvious. I have been played the fool.

>> No.41356974
File: 75 KB, 310x437, billionaire-dinosaur[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41356974

Remember when this thread was about epics and heroes? Me neither.

>> No.41356989

>>41347673

Holy shit that scultor captured the look of a cat being held awkwardly by a person while having clearly never seen a fucking cat in their entire life.

>> No.41356991

>>41356974
It's better this way.

>> No.41357004

>>41356674
And your point is? They are both religions that branched off due to some charismatic prophet and are somewhat like a weird fusion of the two prominent religions of the area, and both have a strict series of behavioral requirements from their adherents.

PLus if you wanna get techincal, Mormons aren't really Christian since they are non-Nicene compliant and view the papacy of never having any actual authority in history. If anything they are more akin to a divergent branch of Judaism. that dabbled with Christian elements.

>> No.41357005
File: 243 KB, 1238x822, russia yes.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357005

>>41356974
I'm pretty sure fucking a dinosaur is something heroic

>> No.41357011
File: 140 KB, 502x650, gilgamesh_by_ronsalas.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357011

>>41347673
Big Dick G only gets more badass
>Propositioned by goddess of beauty and prostitutes.
>Tells her to fuck off.
>Throws a severed monster's penis right at her face.

>> No.41357020

>>41356989
I think it's a lion.

>> No.41357033
File: 22 KB, 300x300, tumblr_nprf0bitFI1sse6o2o1_400.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357033

>>41356770

>thinking that's even a level

>> No.41357042
File: 1.04 MB, 632x986, Slaine_Warp_Spasm.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357042

>>41356950

>> No.41357059

>>41357033
Already posted here: >>41356837

>> No.41357094

>>41356974
>A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay
I'm now remembering that I'm pretty sure one of the "dinosaur" characters in Girl Saurus was a trap

>> No.41357096
File: 37 KB, 297x475, 24758189[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357096

You guys wanna know what's the best part about this one? Someone uploaded an audiobook version on youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SV9AuJEgvOs

>> No.41357099
File: 124 KB, 465x745, chuck tingle butt sommelier.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357099

>>41357059

dammit, have a Butt tasting sommelier bigfoot then.

>> No.41357117

Why do so many of these novels feature dinosaurs?

>> No.41357136

>>41352819
Oh you

>> No.41357137

>>41357011
>implying Gilgamesh wasn't gay for Enkidu, and the whole episode with him rejecting Ishtar and having to fight the monster wasn't a metaphor for the struggle of expressing homosexual identity in a world governed by traditional values

>> No.41357139
File: 999 KB, 250x251, we just don't know.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357139

>>41357117
It's a mystery

>> No.41357144

>>41357117
'cause people find the notion of dinosaur sex funny.

I mean, duh.

>> No.41357145

>>41357117
Better question: Why has nobody shooped "based on a true story" into all of these covers?

>> No.41357161

>>41352800
>Arguable
He said WESTERN literature

>> No.41357184

>>41357137
Why are you shoehorning homosexual undertones into a story with homosexual overtones?

>> No.41357203
File: 701 KB, 1283x700, 1409912119080.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357203

>>41357117
Simple, whats more manly and sexy as all hell than a dinosaur? Chicks dig dinosaurs and find tem hot, so what would be hotter for babes than a dinosaur boning an equally masculine hot guy?

Personally I'd rather bone a female dinosaur and shove my face between her meaty thighs but thats just me.

>> No.41357246
File: 23 KB, 200x300, bigfoot pirates haunt my balls.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357246

>>41357145

Because some things are just perfect and the fear is that the addition of anything to the covers might ruin them.

>> No.41357251

>>41357137
>implying he just fucked all the women in Uruk for shits and giggles.
Gilgamesh fucked Enkidu just as did everyone else.
What's funny is that he drew the line at the hottest goddess in existence.

>> No.41357263
File: 47 KB, 156x246, cover1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357263

>>41357117

They're funnier to share - there's a lot of bigfoot and unicorn ones too.

>> No.41357287

>>41357203
I wish I was home so I could reply with censored snake girl cloaca.

>> No.41357295

>>41357251
>What's funny is that he drew the line at the hottest goddess in existence.
Gilgamesh was the originator of the "Don't stick your dick in crazy" rule

>> No.41357318
File: 187 KB, 655x960, almostasgoodassubway.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357318

>>41357287
>I wish I was home so I could reply with censored snake girl cloaca.
Happy to oblige

>> No.41357319

>>41357263
That must be /mlp/ favorite book

>> No.41357333
File: 1.13 MB, 1740x1330, 1430637406573.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357333

>>41357287
Have some on the house.

>> No.41357359

>>41357318
She's got holes both front and rear, and neither of them are cloaca. It's just not the same.

>> No.41357430
File: 78 KB, 445x442, LamiaToilet[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
41357430

>>41357359
>She's got holes both front and rear, and neither of them are cloaca.
34 chapters and 2 episodes and we still don't know the secrets of the snake cloaca.

>> No.41357435

>>41357333
>>41357318
There will come a day when people stop flipping their shit over that manga/anime. I wait with bated breath for this day. Human faces with bits pasted on? Please, get that pansy crap outta here.

As for me though, I always thought Musashi was pretty cash.

>> No.41357497

>>41357430
The official 7m long dakimakura suggest saddening things.

>> No.41357502

>>41354545

What was wrong with Hercules?

>> No.41357527

>>41357502
Other than everything?

>> No.41357544

>>41357497
Go on...

>> No.41357576

>>41357502
Heracles was pretty cash too, but his story didn't end too well. Hera drove him insane and he killed his own family. He then went un-insane. And was not happy.

>> No.41357590

>>41356267

Antichrist is NOT porn.

Obviously that doesn't apply here, but your argument is fallaciou; Antichrist has a bouncing set of testicles and penetrated labia and everything.

>> No.41357622

>>41357590
Are you familiar with the law of conservation of detail and the meaning of the word pornography?

>> No.41358147

>>41357622

The definition of the word pornography is nebulous at BEST in any context, and the scene in question in Antichrist was, of course, critical for the film (as much as... anything... was? Fuck that movie), but the scene was, very pointedly, a very explicit and, frankly, rather pornographic (admittedly, you could also categorize it as erotic, but the two are hardly mutually exclusive) sex scene. The only argument I was making was that explicit sex does not pornography make. While I don't agree with the argument that the Fate visual novels aren't Eroge (they, literally, are), I can see where people might base the (erroneous) assumption that they aren't. They're almost certainly not porn, however.

>> No.41358322

>>41358147
Define porn for me.

>> No.41358429

>>41348912
"Nevermind the manuvers, just go straight at 'em"

>> No.41359326

>>41356415
That doesn't sound right - female whores were very well respected in ancient Sumeria.

>> No.41359360

>>41359326
You mean the guy who says literal sausage fest when he means figurative sausage fest doesn't have his facts straight? That can't be right.

>> No.41360242

>>41354547
>>41355543
I'm so glad I quit anime and manga.

>>
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