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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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41053238 No.41053238 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Hello anons.

I've got my wellies on and am wading through the torrents of tears, and I bring you tales of britbongsteros.

If any of you mention: bases, moustaches, dancing rules, or sigmarines I'll set the penguin on you.

Usual copy pasta to follow.

>> No.41053270

>Wut is Britbongsteros?
It's storytime is what.

It's also a homebrew setting our DM (with some help from me) devised. We played a lot in it and I've been telling stories of our adventures for a little while now.
If you are a newfriend, you literally don't need to know anything about anything or have read any of the previous threads, but there is a wiki curated by an awesome anon.


That includes some general details about the setting.

>> No.41053289

Now because I'm telling these tales by accident, we started later in the adventures than the chronological beginning. If you will, we have already heard episodes 3-10 but not episodes 1-3. So we have gone back to the start. We are currently in the middle of episode one.

If this is confusing, just enjoy the ride.

The party are composed of five players these are:

Angus: an orc, enjoys pyromania, animal lover and flower arrangements.

The bard: a human, plays the bagpipes. Is generally a source of stupid (ly brilliant) ideas.

The wizard: a wizard (no shit). Controls metal and is generally fairly quiet. Source of brilliant(ly stupid) ideas.

The Navvie: a large angry human. He has a hammer. He hits things with it.

Aldous: A dwarven knight, also me.

There was a sixth player later but she hadn't actually joined in yet.

>> No.41053309

What happened last time?

>a great big God fell out of the sky (Baz)
>We fought some Roman legionarry skeletons in Dundee.
>our God got nicked by a necromancer
>we were strongarmed into serving the crown
>we went to get Baz back, we sort of....totally fucked it.
>Baz and the necromancer are now joined in a fusion of total evilness.
>We met what we think might be a demon, he's called Donny. We liked him.
>He blew quite of lot of stuff.
>We no longer like Donny.
>Instead we have decided it's an idea to kill Donny before we go after Baz.

We are currently in Donny's stately home and have just discovered the place is a bit strange.

>> No.41053323

It's not long before the narrow passageway opens into a cavern.

We assume this is a tidal cave or at least it's sealed to the outside by water at high tide.

The sound and spray of the sea fills the cave.

There is still no one about.

It's just then that a shape breaks the water.

A large ray, graceful, lazy, unusually it takes to the air, doing a circuit of the cavern before being snatched out of the air by what can only be described as an enormous Moray eel.

If we didn't know better, someone has been making monsters...

>> No.41053340

We follow the cavern towards its mouth. We find the steam pinnace (deserted) and cross to the other side of the water via a rope bridge.

The water is seething with foam and only black. Given the precision with which the supernaturally fuck huge eel snatched the ray, we are not keen on the this arrangement but nevertheless we cross

>and that anons takes us to about where we got to last time. By the way while I was looking for the old thread I discovered that /mlp/ likes us.

>> No.41053349

Aw yiss

>> No.41053365

>I discovered that /mlp/ likes us.
How does that work, and how did you find out?

>> No.41053403


The caverns extend in front of us quite some distance. From what we can see there are three cave mouths to choose from.

We dither like the adventurers we are. Looking and listening, but over the sound of the storm and raging sea, there's nothing to be discerned. Angus notices an enormous lobster claw break the water and come hammering down on something. We decide it's time to pick a direction and go for it.

We head up the middle.

>> No.41053439

I was looking for the old thread in the archive as I wanted an image from it. Turns out we have some converts over there.

>> No.41053497


The walls of the cave seem wet to the touch. There's seaweed growing on them.

We file this information away for later. If we are down here long we may not be coming back this way.

Angus is in front. The DM asks us "do any of you guys have a lantern?"


Angus does have the pilot light on his flamethrower.

For the sake of mood, the DM turns out the light in the kitchen and lights a candle placing it on the table.

The party (and the players) do their best with what little light they have.

>> No.41053621


There's no noise we can hear from up ahead, and the cavern/tunnel is starting to get narrower, the Navvie has already turned sideways to fit.

All we can hear is the sound of the sea crashing behind us, the flickering light of Angus ahead, and inky darkness behind.

In the semi darkness of the kitchen, we huddle in closer to the candle flame. The DM is doing something with his hands. Fiddling with something.

He continues to describe the claustrophobic isolation of the tunnel, the way every time we breath out, the walls close in a little further, until when we breath in, a million tons of black igneous rock ensure that breath is shallower than the last.

We push on. Squeezing, straining.

A shape is moving in the darkness.

It comes up behind the Wizards Player and says right in his ear.


(It's Cruella the player sneaking up behind him)

The Wizard, never the most calm of people at the best of times. Jumps out of his skin just about.

>> No.41053728

Cruella (the not-yet) player finds this hilarious and returns to playing with her phone.

The poor wizard looks about ready to have a heart attack.

The PCs respond in much the same way. Struggling to twist and turn to face the voice. The wizard generally screaming.

Unfortunately Angus can't turn around to set fire to the thing. Nor can any of us do anything to attack it.

It grabs the wizard and...hugs him?

>> No.41053784


The creature then lets him go. It waves at us and beckons for us to follow it into an adjoining tunnel.

Reasoning we have nothing to lose (and it could have just eaten the wizard) we follow (after trying to shout over the noise, we give up and resort to hand signals.

We follow the Shellycoat upward and along into a wider, larger cavern. It's quieter up here.

>> No.41053810
File: 133 KB, 404x432, Old_Gregg.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Wut is a shellycoat?

Some lore checks later (again like most of britbongsteros you can wiki it) reveal it to be a mischievous but mostly harmless water spirit. Apparently.

It also looks like this

>> No.41053862

Something about champaign.

And shoes

>> No.41054113

Baileys but anon is correct.

Anyway, the Shellycoat beckons us forward. The party take a moment to assemble and generally stretch themselves back into place.

It seems we are in the Shellycoats lair, judging at least by the crude bedding and pile of empty crab shells. It certainly smells like it is anyway. What the Shellycoat wants to show us is down below.

There's a hole in the centre of the floor and it looks out into another cavern. There's light down there along with a party of alchemists.

They seem to be fishing. Quite innocently.

Off to one side, is a large cauldron bubbling quite happily.

One of the alchemists hauls up a crab pot and looks very pleased to have caught a large fairly grumpy looking Paromola cuvieri.

After a small fight it goes into the stewpot. All very exciting.

The alchemists gather round looking pleased with themselves. A few seconds later they duck backwards as a much larger crab claw reaches out of the pot.

It grabs one of them, pulling him in.

The others using sticks over turn the cauldron toward the water, and the still growing crab slinks into the sea.

It seems we know where the giant stuff is coming from.

No Donny though...

(If anon is wondering, this is also where the giant nautillus came from)

Angus helpfully considers the cosmic imperatives of the situation. Man playing God, making sea creatures into God sized problems. With the weight of the universe upon him, his intellect squares it's shoulders like atlas and says

>I wonder what'll happen if I stick my dick in it?

>> No.41054151
File: 247 KB, 1280x960, 1280px-Paromola_cuvieri.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Apologies anon, meant to post a pic

>> No.41054197

It's been a while since I've seen it.

>I wonder what'll happen if I stick my dick in it?
This is a man who will go far in life.
Probably via the hospital

>> No.41054225

Fortunately the shellycoat appears incapable of speech, however it seems to understand us fine enough.

Some pantomime and
>me Navvie you fish thing?

Establishes that the shellycoat definitely wants rid of the alchemists, and also the alchemists have a lot to do with some chick and some guy called Donny...

>> No.41054272


The path and development of Angus as a character was a very strange one. He may in fact be the character who grew the most. Certainly the biggest in personality.

>> No.41054360


Back in an hour or so following this post.

Now people making giant monsters for whatever purpose are decidedly not good as far as we are concerned. They also seems to have something to do with Donny. Meaning...


Oh, yes, kill them all.

Further discussion with Shelly enlightens us that there are plenty more alchemists (and others) beyond the gap in the wall behind those who are fishing.

It seems then that we want to approach this quietly...

>> No.41054429

Ha ha, I'm not missing out on the thread.

Let's see what you've got for us this time.

>> No.41055487

Yeah, not letting this sink too low this time.

>> No.41056647

Fortunately, the shellycoat seems to know a way down from here. Back out into the passage we first came through.

It wants to come with us. The party discuss. Essentially do we trust this thing?

>> No.41056696

Also exactly twice the time I said I'd be gone. I suck at this sometimes.

The answer to "do we trust it" is pretty much God no. Do we want to have it following us? Again probably not.

What do we do with it? As far as we can tell it's mischevious yes, but not actually malicious.

>> No.41056798

It just wants to kill some alchemists with the rest of the boys.

>> No.41056800

We aren't going to kill it. We can't just tie it up, nor can we knee cap it.

Some whispering later we decide the best thing to do is....

I and the wizard pantomime it coming along at a distance. It shows us the direction we should be heading with a webbed hand. Seems straightforward enough.

Meanwhile the Navvie gets behind it.

It enthusiastically supports the coming along idea.

The Navvie thumps it. The intention being to knock it out.

His fist, propelled by the one he rolls, hits it just fine at the base of the skull. It falls awakwardly with a sickening egg shell crunch on the floor of the cavern.


>DM: I'm sorry but head trauma is no joke...

>> No.41057016




We argue a bit over whose dumb idea that was, then discuss what to do.

We all feel more than a bit guilty here.

Sheepishly we lay it to rest or try to.

When the bard and I go to pick it up, one blearly now red eye opens. There is an enormous dent in one side of its skull, and the horrific incongruity of one side of its head being almost flat from the temple to rear of the skull is a glaring sign of our idiocy.

It shivers and spasms, mewling, trembling, evacuating waste and rocking back and forth. There's just enough critter left to know those people it is looking at did this to it.

The poor thing whimpers and looks like it wants to scream at the great unfairness of it all.

The best thing we can do is put it out of its misery.

The DM senses an opportunity.

It takes an inordinately long time to kill it. Any pretense at gentle combined with the strange biology of the thing, seems to only make it worse.

Eventually, and with my short sword sticking out of its sternum, it collapses. Dead.

>Oh God oh God oh God we are bastards....

>> No.41057058

Wow, once again your DM is proving himself to be a dick.

>> No.41057147

Its my own fault really. I had told him about https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eggshell_skull at some point contemperaneous to this adventure and it should have occurred to use it'd come back to haunt us.

Also yes, as always,

>the DM is a cunt.

Though it also made a throwaway character into something that even now causes feels.

For anyone wondering, the one person audience was laughing so hard at us she spilt her wine.

>> No.41057249

Just curious anons, is this a dick move by DM or a highly effective one in your opinion? (Or both)

>> No.41057330

That entirely depends on the effect he was going for.

If he was trying to show you guys that living things are fragile, then yes, effective.

But based on everything you've said so far, I can assume this wasn't the case and he just wanted to make you all feel uncomfortable for whatever reason before engaging in a large battle.
Possibly to give you penalties when fighting the alchemists.

That or he just enjoys punishing you for doing something stupid.

>> No.41057335

I'd say both.

You got what you needed, but in the worst way. Given that a huge dude punched ol' greg in the head (and got a 1) that's reasonable - it's not like it howled and brought guards or anything

Your DM is dick, but the right sort of dick

>> No.41057484

It definitely worked on all counts.

We decide after that somewhat embarrassing fuck up to follow the route suggested.

It's a bit more spacious than the last time, the descent is uneventful. The group of alchemists are sat with their backs to us.

The sound of the surf is more than enough to ensure our inept approach remains stealthy enough to get behind them. We dispatch the fishing party almost before they realise we are there.

It might just be what happened previously, but we feel a bit guilty as we ditch the bodies in the waters. They take a moment to sink and are instead swept into the maw of a salmon the size of a bus.

>> No.41057595

We ponder why they are making these enormous see critters. It seems like they're just making them to be difficult, to make the waters of the east coast as dangerous as possible. Even if we don't find Donny it seems we are doing the right thing.

We sneak up the tunnel.

There is a natural waterfall in here, freshwater falling from a river or stream above and into the tidal pool. The alchemists (we assume) have got a waterwheel set up and are using it to provide various gubbins.

Lounging on a deck chair is Donny, draped over him is Mrs Donny.

He waves.

>> No.41057668

>see critters

Kill me.

Also captcha the cast of a body from Pompeii is so so not cake.

>> No.41057715

I think I would've had a one just be a miss and the guy gets wise to your tricks.

>> No.41057796

What he does not do is raise the alarm.

The alchemists remain oblivious to us as they seem to Be making more of whatever was in that cauldron.

From where the waterfall is coming we can see daylight. It seems we have been down here longer than we thought.

We formulate a plan of attack.

>> No.41057896

As we mutter. Donny very ostentatiously relaxes while Mrs Donny makes a show of (in her rather small outfit) making him a drink (think Joker & a very pneumatic Harley).

>> No.41057999

We decide that clearly Donny wants to watch the fun. The difficulty is what happens (if as opposed to) when we win.

Will he just pull another dissapearing act? We can't have that. We also don't think splitting up is a good idea. By the time we have fought our way to Donny he'll have fucked off.

We need something to keep him here. We have an idea....

>> No.41058046


>> No.41058073

Huge tracks of land.

>> No.41058090

The plan?

>We do absolutely fuck all.

Donny drinks his drink. He makes a "go on get stuck in" motion with his hand.

The Navvie eats a sandwich. Angus is writing in his little diary, the bard cleans his finger nails. The wizard trims his 'tache and I build a little tower of shotgun shells.

We can see Donny is getting a bit more incensed.

The Navvie and I switch to playing rock paper scissors. Angus goes on a mining expedition in his own left nostril. Eating the results.

It's about a minute after that that Mrs Donny appears.

>> No.41058111

I don't like posting softcore in these threads but yes. Boobs and various other feminine lines.

>> No.41058198
File: 102 KB, 600x896, mad_moxxi___coquette_by_enasni_v-d6ony0a.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Of course it helps if I attach a pic. (That minus hat and makeup)

>> No.41058199

This was established when she was still dressed as a nurse.

>> No.41058320

Angus has found something chewy. He is treating it much as anon might a toffee.

Mrs Donny gives a very annoyed stage whisper.

>hurry up you lot. He wants to see some violence

(Cruella has been roped in to do the girly voices again)

>don't make me do it myself....

We ignore her further.

She is standing right Angus now. He has found a deposit that may require dynamiting but is still attempting manual removal.

>come on you useless lazy bastards....

This time. We don't club her over the head (lesson learnt) but we do grab her and let the wizard bind her with wizardry chains of cold iron.

With her nicely hogtied and gagged

>muh magical....
no fuck off.

We have a hold (we think) over Donny.

It's about this time that Coliunn Gunn Chean (our regenerating headless ogre friend from the last thread) pops into the cavern via the waterfall.

>> No.41058368

Ah, I'd forgotten, though I knew she was attractive. And a new euphemism, what fun.

Tracts, anon, not tracks

>> No.41058465

I realized my error almost immediately upon clicking post.

>She is standing right Angus now
To the right of or right in front of?

>> No.41058521

>oops missed something.

While I acquired a pump action shotgun during the last thread. I actually forgot to tell you when. (Pinched it from the alchemists during our visit to the hospital) it's not very relevant to anything other than me stacking shells.

We decide if we engage in combat and Donny is still missing his Missus as it were, he'll just grab her while we are distracted.

I get the job of carrying her as the Navvie needs both hands for his hammer and in can still use a revolver with one.

Also I had a feeling that the DM would make someone actually pick up and carry cruella for a bit and I'd rather it was me. He attempted to enforce this, instead he got a very lady like "get fucked" (I always thought the two had a good rapport which explains my mentioning it I hope)

>> No.41058552

Much obliged anon. "Right in front of"

>> No.41058682

The alchemists still are not paying any attention to us. Coliunn however seems aware something is up. He sniffs the air.

Donny we notice, is still looking at us, he finishes his whisky, tosses the glass over his shoulder and stands up.

>> No.41058969

>fightan time

As Donny descends from the platform/veranda we decide that stealth is at an end. The bard is first to act. Piping https://youtu.be/0Nt8dJ6rMZI interestingly almost immediately the waters of the pool within the cavern begin to boil. Anon may recall that the nautillus also liked pipe music.
Also this post has now been eaten twice so hopefully it won't be duplicated when it finally successfully gets into the board.

>> No.41059031

When I say boil, I mean thrash and churn with angry giant sea life.

Coliunn begins to lope towards us the alchemists go for their weapons. Fortunately coliunn is distracted as the enormous crab from earlier lumbers ashore. The two engaging each other in delightful violence.

>> No.41059117

Totally unrelated, but the other day, I was a bit drunk and messing about n youtube, and I found this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucu_N2uq8XA it's like a video of the last adventure of our adventures.

Anon may enjoy this. I know I loved it.

Wiki anon if you are here and remain as awesome as usual, you may wish to add it someplace.

>> No.41059237

Yeah, I'm around. Been busy with dinner and stuff during your last half dozen posts or so.

That's pretty much the visual I got as soon as Martian walkers were mentioned.

>> No.41059303

My thanks wiki-anon.

Now bedtime is gonna have to be soon, but I'll see how far I can get.

>> No.41059418


With Coliunn distracted, we engage the alchemists as best we can. The issue being Donny. We don't really know what his capabilities are.

Angus however as always remains extremely useful in these situations as he torches alchemists and their equipment.

Donny reaches behind a crate and comes up with an extremely threatening looking cricket bat.

>> No.41059452

That's great.

Here's hoping Donny gets intimatly aquainted with the intestinal tract of some super-sized seabeast

>> No.41059589


The combat rages throughout the cavern, the alchemists doing their best to support Coliunn and engage us at the same time.

Donny we assume is going to be in someway magical or...somehing....

so we focus our attention as best we can on him, leaving Angus to do what he does best (BURN EVERYTHING).

The Wizard chucks some nice sharp metal implements at him. He easily bats these aside. The Navvie builds his momentum up for a charge. The bard as usual is the bard, and I plink shots at him and try to control the squirming and generally distracting Mrs Donny. (also 'dat ass)

>> No.41059707

Have some ancient metal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pliwf__k4d0

We get in closer. Donny seems to be trying his best to work his way to me and his Mrs. (Turns out demons do like some things)

I make the decision to put her down to get both hands free to engage him. He's fast, but not fast enough to dodge buckshot. By the time the Navvie has gotten into close combat, and the two duel, he tries to keep the Navvie between he and I, and I won't leave his Mrs unattended (she'll get free or generally be a nuisance).

As I pause to reload, it seems like Coliunn and crab are evenly matched. Angus is, as usual, merrily burning stuff and seems quite happy.

>> No.41059796

I guess the cave is well ventilated enough so no one will suffocate from the smoke if there's a waterfall.

>> No.41059973

Good thinking anon, but yes there's a nice big hole to outside at the other end.


Would anon mind if I continued this tomorrow? I'm getting very close to dozing off already.I'll be around in the morning to continue storytime.

>> No.41060112

Alright, go to sleep.

I'll try to keep the thread up until I do the same in 7 or 8 hours from now.

>> No.41061758

So has anyone else tried coming up with a Britbongsteros-esque take on their place of residence since last thread?

>> No.41063067


>> No.41064441

And again.

I get the feeling most of the people following this haven't noticed this thread yet.
I know I missed a couple threads and didn't find them until after they were nothing but archives.

>> No.41066057

Late night bump

>> No.41067876

2am bump here.

Might just bump it again for good measure before I got to bed if I'm up any later than this.

>> No.41068488

Yeah, I'll bump it before going to bed.

Hopefully it'll still be up when I'm next able to check on it.

>> No.41070891

Have a noon bump.

>> No.41072534

Greetings anons.

I put Mrs Donny down in front of me, I can keep an eye on her while concentrating on the combat.

The Alchemists have got it together enough to start firing on us properly. I end up taking cover next to Mrs Donny as bullets zing overhead.

The wizard gets lucky and sticks a harpoon into Donny's leg.

>> No.41073087

And a good morning bump.

>> No.41073161


The Navvie and Donny manage some dialogue while trying to kill one another. The Wizard is peripherally on the edge of the combat (flinging things at Donny and also try to divert any bullets that might hit the Navvie off course)

>Why are you boys doing this?

You blew up the boat!

>So? What did they owe you? What was that about? They shanghaied you and now you're all free. I did you fuckers a favour!

>> No.41073174

You tricked us!

>Meaning you didn't get blown up!

You...you're up to something! Giant sea-creatures, you're disrupting shipping, working with the necromancers you're some sort of bastard!

>Bastard I am. I'm also on your side.

>> No.41073496

What is that about?

>I was nailed to a floor when you found me wasn't I?


>then how did you think I felt about that?

>> No.41074207

Ah, now we're getting to the part where we finally learn how Donny was having an out of body experience.

>> No.41074231

Just because you have feelings doesn't mean you're not a dick

>> No.41074267

Now feelings are something the Navvie is not a great expert on. Generally feelings are something that happen to other people (usualy "Ow" or other variations on pain) or the sensation that occurs when you bring a large hammer down on someone's head.

Suffice to say, he's not much of an expert on the concept.

This is actually very close to his response.

"I don't really care, you're still involved in this somehow."

He swings his hammer again.

>Do you think I'm involved by choice? Do you think she is?

Why should we care?

>> No.41075446

I suspect Donny is probably already somewhat undead.

>> No.41076829

Lunchtime bump.

>> No.41079216

And now just a regular bump.

>> No.41079501

He is definitely a something. The question is whether he was truly alive as we know it.

>> No.41079523

>you shouldn't care. But you did free me

I should add this dialogue is going on while there's still fighting but most of the alchemists are dead by this point. Coliunn and the crab wrestled each other into the water so for the time being its fairly quiet.

>> No.41079571

We respond, "we didn't free you. We freed the ghost, you were an accident."

>the alchemists have my essence and hers stored up ahead. We can't get it ourselves but you could. You could free us. We have some autonomy but not enough to avoid their orders and directions

So you didn't want to blow up the ship then?

>oh no that was just for kicks. you try being nailed to a floor for six months

>but it did get you lot here didn't it?

>> No.41079603

More to the point why can't you free yourselves?


Why should we trust you and what is in it for us?

>you'll need my help to defeat what was Baz, and trust me? After all we've been through? You should know better than that

>> No.41079648

We mull this over.

We don't like him. We don't like his wife and we don't trust whatever he is.

On the other hand...why the fuck not? We have the alchemists to kill anyway now we have discovered what they're up to.

>how smart are we?

>> No.41079684

>pretty fucking dumb is the answer of course.

>> No.41079734

Seems like you forgot to ask why they were using Donny and his wife in the first place - these alchemist guys don't sound like the types to harness the power of love and kindness

>> No.41079829

Ah forgot to tell you that.

The alchemists of britbongsteros: who are they? Dutch traders, or at least that's what they starred out as. The Dutch used to trade prolifically with the east coast of Scotland. It's one of the reasons Scots law is different to English law (continental influence) and also why Scotland had five universities before 1900 and the English only had two.

The alchemists were traders then magic happened. Turns out alchemy actually (in a limited fashion) worked as did science. Their motto when it comes to science is like that of Aperture, "because we can" or "why the fuck not'?

>> No.41079879

They were the source of much of the magical tech and weirdness in the early setting. As England and Scotland unified in 1707 more trade with the English occurred. Their plan with the giant sea monsters is twofold. One, the necromancers are paying them to do it (in full soul cubes) and two, if the north sea is full of giant critters and the only vessels that can sail on it are alchemist approved, then...

1. Limit all trade to alchemists only

>> No.41079923

Why Donny?

1. Because they can
2. Think of him as a very lazy and badly trained attack dog, but if you point him at something and don't mind collateral damage he is a deniable and highly destructive asset.

>why was Donny nailed to the floor?
He fucked them off somehow and gave him what was effectively a magical time out.

>> No.41079941

Sorry anon, should have done a lore dump earlier. Hope that helps.

>> No.41079995

Different anon (wiki anon), I'll rearrange it when it's all getting copypasted onto the wiki page.

>> No.41080043

My thanks wiki anon

>> No.41080204

Thanks - I remembered the alchemists were Dutch weapons dealers, but that's more clear, and lore + IRL history is always welcome.

That your party was willing to deal with an "attack dog", especially one that'd been punished by his boss doesn't say the best things about your thinking though

>> No.41080273

I think at this point the party in the context of game were still a bunch of random guys who had only known each other for maybe a week at most and had no real idea what was going on other than they were supposed to hit bad people doing bad magic really hard until they stopped moving.

So Donny, being the bad people's attack dog, knows where more bad people are meaning they now know where to find more things to kill.

>> No.41080446

Yeah that would make sense

>> No.41081331

I'm sorry anons I'm going to have to go to bed. I will be around on and off during the day tomorrow and will try to continue then.

>> No.41083503

Alright then.


>> No.41084986
File: 43 KB, 620x424, penguinologist.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.41086796

Bump from 'Merica

>> No.41088321

That whole Shellycoat incident reminds me of the Venture Bros. ep where Brock killed a henchman and then felt bad about it.

>> No.41089257

I'll bump it before bed.

>> No.41091505

And I'll give it a bump

>> No.41092618

I haven't read the thread yet, but I will. I'll ask the same question I always do, sourcebook for the setting when?

>> No.41093295

Which reminds me, it should probably be added to the 1d4chan page somewhere that it was D&D 3.5, lots of house rules, and heavy drinking.

Also this is my good morning bump.

>> No.41093747

I would say the key element was probably heavy drinking.

>> No.41093811 [DELETED] 

Huh, don't know that I would have guessed 3.5, but it seems like the drinking should have been obvious

>> No.41093813

Oops. Was replying to >>41093295
Also posting should be about 21:00

>> No.41093848

Huh, don't know that I would have guessed 3.5, but in retrospect it seems like the drinking should have been obvious.

UK time, right?

>> No.41093889

Correct. If it helps anon in calculating, it's just gone 16:24 here.

>> No.41094567

And this would be a lunchtime bump from where I am if I wasn't spending that time of the day getting my teeth cleaned and poked at.

>> No.41096623

Eh, couple of hours early and we're on page 9, that's a bump

>> No.41097168


Starting early so I can hopefully get to bed at a reasonable time today.

>> No.41097202

What exactly would anon require in a sourcebook? I try to keep discussion of rules out of these threads (I remember story not rules) and a lot of what happened the DM simply pulled out of his ass in response to our insanity/stupidity/intransigence

>> No.41097233

Both of you are correct. We are (and for the most part always were) the wrong people in the wrong place at the right time. It seems to have (mostly) paid off

>> No.41097323

We show good faith by not attacking Donny further.

We also ensure his good faith by continuing to carry his wife about with us as he leads us to the entrance to the rest of the complex/cave/dungeon.

We also get a demonstration of exactly what Donny is capable of (he's in front of us) as Coliunn victorious against the crustacean hurls himself onto land. Donny smacks him upside the (what would be head but actually sort of in the middle of the chest) with his cricket bat, kicks him in the balls for good measure and watches Coliunn fall back into the waters.

>> No.41097424

The rest of the alchemists definitely know we are coming. So we try to be cautious. Leaving Donny and his still tied up wife at the very clearly magical barrier (all the symbols and glowy shit are a dead giveaway) we proceed.

Shortly after we come to a right angle in the rather well hewn and orderly corridor. The obvious place if they have set an ambush to do so.

Placing the bards hat on the end of a stick and leaning it round the corner. Nothing happens.

Cautiously the bard sticks his head round the corner.

He ducks back quickly from the fusillade of rapid rifle fire.

As the shooting pauses

>ha you did not think we would fall for that!

>> No.41097458

We crouch up against the wall. As Angus prepares to stick the nozzle of his flamethrower round and immolate them, some large metal egg shaped things land near us.

The wizard only just manages to get them to roll back round the corner as the grenades go off. Entirely deafening in this combined space.

>> No.41097500

Angus tries again. This time getting off a long burst of hellfire up the corridor.

We can hear sizzling. No screaming or anything else though.

Cautiously the bard looks again.

>nope guys that did nothing they're still behind that big armoured barricade

>fucks sake bard

>> No.41097540

The complaining ends as more grenades land. This time the wizard is quick enough to punt them at the base of the fortification (think a sort of mobile pillbox you can drag into place across the tunnel exit)

The detonation is followed by a large clang.

Angus decides to blind fire up the corridor again

This time there's plenty of horrific screaming as men burn to death. (Flamethrowers man, not even once)

>> No.41097651

Cautiously again we proceed up the corridor. Now we get out into the thing it's a straight 15 metre coverless murder tunnel. At the end of it are still burning bodies and the remains of the barricade. We can't see much beyond that.

We proceed.

Reaching the barricade we realise there is another right angle.

We are getting used to the idea of corners of death. So Angus blindfires up it. Reporting he has a quarter of a tank left of fuel then he's down to what's beneath his kilt and bad language

>> No.41097709

Peeking around the corner, there doesn't seem to be anyone still living up there.

The iron grates that fall in front and behind us indicate we may have fucked up.

The cloud of green scary looking gas doubly confirms it as it hisses from the grenades lobbed from murder holes in the ceiling.

Angus is quick to act.

He asks the wizard to take his trousers off.

>> No.41097779

The DM seems to be the most confused. The wizard refuses. Angus rips a strip from his own kilt and says "quick piss on that"

The rest of us, barring the bard and the DM cotton on. Doing as advised.

It takes some explaining to the DM what is going on and why his "awesum knockout trap" sucks. He takes the new information on the chin and as the bard falls unconscious we each get to roll to see if we stay standing. The DM seems impressed with our ingenuity and we remain standing. The wizard weakens the iron bars in front just like we did his carefully laid plan

>> No.41097784

What would the bard be able to do about it anyway?

>> No.41097803

For any anons who don't know what Angus was on about http://entertainment.omgfacts.com/lists/5284/During-World-War-I-homemade-gas-masks-were-made-by-peeing-on-a-cloth-ab657-2

>> No.41097823

We tried to make him useful occasionally. It invariably backfired as above.

>> No.41098043

I should say the original (DM's) plan was that we all pass out and get captured.

>> No.41098140

What we are in, feels like a warehouse, it does indeed look like a warehouse, it is in fact a warehouse. Along with some living quarters for the sixty odd (total) alchemists that were down here. As far as we can tell, we have killed about sixty odd between us. The place seems quite quiet now that we have worked our way through it.

We cautiously look about. Thinking there must be all kinds of fun stuff in these crates.

>> No.41098148

At least it was only "knockout" gas, not something more caustic.
The gas masks would let you live, but I'd fear for what's under Angus's kilt

>> No.41098456

Sounds like the sort of place the Ark of the Covenant would be stored.

Yeah, mustard gas would've sucked big time.

>> No.41098529
File: 333 KB, 700x325, tf2-warehouse-raiders-of-the-lost-ark.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Most sensible people do anon.

Oddly enough I was just about to post this pic

Thing is big warehouses have lots and lots of stuff in them. The nearest and most interesting looking crates seem to most have spoons in them which is less exciting.

We are struck by the idea that if whatever we are looking for is in here, it's going to take quite a while to find...

>> No.41098795


We think we've killed off all the alchemists, so we can't just interrogate one. We also don't really feel like spending the next month looking through boxes.


A manifest or other ledger would be the obvious thing, Sadly, we can't see one.

We apply logic, if the big boxes are full of spoons or candelstick holders or egg cups, then they must keep the good stuff somewhere else, off to one side or something...

>> No.41099197

true to form, there is a small innocous looking wooden door.

We expect this to be a privy, but we kick it in anyway.

We are surprised to discover exactly what we're looking for.

Sort of...

>> No.41099537

We break into the small, quiet, peaceful little room, it feels a lot like a library.

Initial searches reveal that the walls are covered in strange books, interesting looking gew-gaws, and occult knick-knacks. Seems like this is more the sort of thing we are after.

>> No.41099614
File: 32 KB, 450x338, bear09.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Guten Abend, die Herren

>> No.41099989

Germ-anon! I had thought we were a bit short of Ursine related imagery.

There is also an armchair by the fire, the back of it is turned toward us, but there's a pair of legs sticking out of it.

An old, but still extremely commanding voice, the kind of voice an extremely polite mountain would have asks us


we peek round the chair.

Seated therein is what can only be described as Stephen Fry.

It also seems he's blind, very old, and more than slightly deaf.

>> No.41100010

Angus usually has a sandwich about his person, and the Navvie can be relied upon for a beer and a pork pie.

We present these offerings.


>> No.41100049


We attempt communication, not really being sure what an alchemist stereotypically sounds like, we opt for simply shouting.

>OH THIS IS....I mean this is hopeless guys...

>> No.41100079

This goes on for quite some time.

We can deal with large angry creatures, skeletons, zombies, gods, and other weirdness. We are having an awful lot of trouble here as we don't really know what we're looking for, and the guy who can tell us, is deaf as a post.


>> No.41100314

Ok so he's blind, therefore drawing a picture isn't going to work. Shouting seems a problem, but we are getting somewhere...slooooowly.

As the Navvie and I continue shouting (>WHAT?) the rest of the party investigate the room. Angus cheekily pinches his sandwich back.

They don't find anything immediately offensive or useful. Though the wizard is quite taken with a desk ornament (one of those Newton's Cradle things which has little heads that make different expressions as it swings). The bard is struck by the extremely nice set of bagpipes on the wall and shuffles a bit closer to them. Clearly planing on pinching them.

>> No.41100389

I'm sure he'd hear it if the bard started playing.

>> No.41100829

or possibly just up and die.

It also occurs to us, what the fuck are we going to do with this invalid, we can't just leave him here...we also as a party of murder-hobos, we aren't taking him with us. We sure as hell can't leave him to starve to death either...

>> No.41101033
File: 760 KB, 640x360, wH4k5XA.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


If this situation seems familiar, well, we certainly recalled what happened with the Shellycoat up above.

As the old man eats his pork pie, we cluster behind the armchair.

Essentially it's a case of
>dude what're we gonna do?
>Kill him?
>We can't just....
>we could take him along with us?
>into whatever fight we get involved in next? Out on the road?
>Ok...so if we do this who's gonna do it....
>I will

>> No.41101201

You could've always just picked up the armchair and brought him back to Donny to let him sort all this out.

>> No.41101609

Oddly enough...

After more rummaging the wizard comes across two books. They're paired so it seems. If you open one, the other opens and turns to the same page. He finds this fascinating. Experimentally he draws a dot on the page of one and the same dot appears in the other. The books are full of a script even he can't read. The pictures however are entirely lurid and not for dinner table conversation.


ah ha

More shouting establishes these are just what we are after.

We consider as these give us some leverage over Donny, could we get him to take care of the old chap?

Wait a minute who is this old bastard anyway? Harmless old savant? The britbongsteros version of an old Nazi war criminal?

We have no idea.

>> No.41101720

We return with the books to Donny. The wizard makes a show of releasing his wife, who doesn't seem particularly troubled by her ordeal ("I'm used to a little bondage") Donny seems awfully keen to get those books back.

We hang on to them for now.

>if we give these to you, you'll help us with Baz and take care of the old man?

Yes. You'll need to scuff out the wards as well but sure.

Dutifully we do.

A few seconds later, Donny returns with a spine that is dripping blood. Playfully he lashes it at his partner who giggles as blood spatters the bard.

>taken care of as ordered boys. Books please. Now. Might I remind you, you're in here alone with me now. Unless you can write very rapidly in several dead languages, there's nothing to stop me taking them off you...but I like to play by the rules. Books please.

>> No.41101759

I'm not sure if I'm doing Donny justice here, he's as cheerful as he is...not evil in the traditional sense just...totally and utterly sans morals and yet still quite likeable

>> No.41101802


Some OOC discussion occurs.

Is this really who we are? Doing deals with demonic entities? Are we going to try to be a force for good or a lighter shade of grey? We think we are going to need him though.

We hand over the books.

>> No.41101852

We really do not like where this is taking us, but we have made our beds and we are going to lie in them.

>so how exactly are you going to help?

When the time is right, I'll be there. Until then, I have some catching up to do...
As he playfully spanks his wife, he half turns and the pair entirely vanish.

The party are alone now surrounded by bodies, with an accidental nest of evil wiped out by accident. We do some soul searching.

>> No.41101865

Do you find out who Stephen Fry is, or is that later?

>> No.41102001

I think he's just a spineless (dead) old man now.

>> No.41102039

One too many "accidents" in the above post by you get the idea.

Anyway. We set about trying to leave this place as we take stock of our thoughts.

Baz still needs killed.
We will have to do something about Donny eventually.
We sort of did good today...kind of?
Jesus this country is a mess.
We are going to need help to think of a plan of action re Baz
Technically we are agents of the crown, meaning we can call on help. We know where Baz is for the time being, and we think it might be best to seek assistance. To the north we have the isolationist Aberdeen, who even if we have a wizard from there with us, likely will not care, we can try to get south. Taking the sea route is going to be hard as there are a whole lot of these critters in the water, and we don't know how safe the tugboat would be without alchemists aboard to keep the wards up.

A group of royal navy warships would be fine enough for us sailing south, but a better (or at least more realistic option) takes us through giant territory. The giants of Stirling in fact and then on to the North of England and possibly dwarf-Yorkshire.

And there anon, is where this tail ends and the next begins.

>> No.41102061

I'm afraid he is indeed very very dead.

Before I go on, are all anons happy with wher

>> No.41102080



With where we are and what's going on?

>> No.41102163

I'm a bit confused about the whole anti-magic thing that Donny and his wife couldn't get by.

Did he just not mention that all the party needed to do to so he'd be able to go further into the warehouse is to scuff the runes, or did he not tell them this because then the old man would've had Donny murder the whole party?

>> No.41102232

That would the thought process, either we kill him or he kills us. Either way a problem.

>> No.41102322

So, you're in a warehouse, trying to decide where to go (Aberdeen, England via Sea or England via Giant-infested Stirling), Donny has fucked off but still owes you one (though he is a bastard) and technically you are agents of the crown

>> No.41102336

Alright, so if the party would've made any progress with the old man, then he would've sicked Donny on them.

Guess Donny taking out the old man was sort've like his own revenge.

>> No.41102484

This is a very able summation of the position.

Yes and indeed, also yes.

Now anons I think it may be sleep time shortly, but depending on how butthurt I am that slaneesh is (maybe) kill, I may be back tonight.

Just curious how are you all finding the early adventures? It's not quite as epic, but I hope it's still fun.

>> No.41102598

It's good.

I'm on my 5th Old Speckled Hen and have work at 8am (UK time), but it's good

>> No.41102703

I like it. It is fun seeing the lower key adventures before the actual epics.

>> No.41102834

It's interesting seeing how the party was doing things before the Purple Penguin came into the picture.

>> No.41102949

I'm glad to hear it anons. I was a bit worried it might all be a bit anticlimactic.

I would strongly recommend all future parties to have a purple penguin or a cause of some sort, it worked so well to unify things.

>> No.41103272

They're serving nicely to enhance the later ones.

I guess were getting close to finding out which alchemist you were after during the start of the first story you told.

>> No.41103895

Well seeing how this part of the story has concluded, I might as well get on with updating that wiki page.

>> No.41105312

That took longer than I thought it would...

>> No.41106826


>> No.41108377

Bump before bed.

>> No.41110364

Cup of tea and a nice rich tea biscuit bump.

How's the head speckled hen-anon?

>> No.41110396

All good, perks of being young.

>> No.41110685


I won't wake up properly until about midday.

>> No.41111009

Oh I'm not really awake.

>> No.41113063

I'm up about 2 hours earlier than I'd like to be thanks to the sound of hammering.

>> No.41114340
File: 1.02 MB, 1000x867, bear11.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Well imma try and be patient

>> No.41114350

Think about it, we've been doing this since February.

We're good at being patient.

>> No.41114388

But I am kwite ze impatient Mann at times, ja?

>> No.41114550

Wir dachten du ein bär meine flaumig freund

>> No.41114698

Same difference.

google translate suuucks
having it translate that back to english helps figuring out what it tried to say

>> No.41114722

Hahaha yes it does. I tried figuring it out with my rusty German, I would have been better off sticking with that I think.

>> No.41115280

Also hello anons, I will try earlier posting again tonight. 19:00 or sooner.

>> No.41115706

*20:30 according to commands from on high
>fucking shelves

>> No.41116968

taking a break from vidya to bump

>> No.41118152

And I'll bump now too.

>> No.41118216

Slight technical difficulties occurring anons.

>> No.41118268

bear with me for I am an enormous faggot.



>> No.41119164
File: 894 KB, 980x1326, 2011-03-21-Rites-of-mavis-beacon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Ok we're back

>> No.41119285

The party mull our options over. Somehow we need to get south of the Antonine wall.

>Take the tugboat?
Slow, dunno if it won't get eaten by giant lobsters.
>Try to find a Royal Navy Squadron?
Unlikely to actually want to help.
>Southwards by land means either the long trip up through the highlands and down the west coast to Glasgow, or the direct route through Stirling and the giants.




>> No.41119424

Undead giant skeletons?

>> No.41119455
File: 4.69 MB, 3700x2700, Atlas_Cosmographicae_(Mercator)_053.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

If anon hadn't noticed, I slightly enjoy doing these

>> No.41119510
File: 2.71 MB, 3700x2700, Atlas_Cosmographicae_(Mercator)_053 (1).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Though I do feel a bit bad doodling all over such a nice map.

Here's the original.

>> No.41119673
File: 344 KB, 900x1256, 89-16.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

So, with that settled, we pool our knowledge about the area.

Essentially, giants. That's about all we know really.

None of us have visited the area in peace time, and have no idea really what it'd be like now, all we really knew was that it was *bad*

>What were the giants like?

Actually pretty smart, as smart as a gifted, well educated human. They were old. Very old. They had slept until the world re-awakened, slumbering under the hills, waiting for the earth to warm again with volcanic fire (Scotland was once actually extremely geologically active). When they did wake up in 1497 as did everything else, they quickly adjusted.

We also knew they were extremely fond of the Stone of Scone, it being near Perth in Scone Palace (we are not far from Perth).

Pic related: a giant, also includes my 2nd favourite citadel miniature.

>> No.41119725


We sort of look at each other at for a minute.

As we know the bard's player isn't very chatty sometimes, so he'd just play music and gives all skill related buffs during these moments.

I distinctly remember this song.


Somehow, somewhere in this discussion someone (Angus) suggested we steal the Stone of Scone.

But why?

> The coronation stone of all the kings of Scotland? You bet that's gonna be magical, you bet that's gonna be useful to those bony necromantic bastards, and most of all, why not?

>> No.41119761
File: 48 KB, 750x488, Stone-of-destiny-large_tcm4-562976.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Pictured: The Stone of Scone.

Otherwise known as...


(no really).

>> No.41119835

>DM: Muh adventure....muh backstory...muh....oh fuck it this sounds like fun.

>> No.41119923
File: 35 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

We still have the jalopy right?


It's 40 miles to Perth. We have a (nearly) full tank of (sort of not really) gas, we have a kilo of dwarven pipe tobacco, a pile of weapons, and some of us are wearing kilts.

>Fucking hit it.

>> No.41120004

We avoid the coast road, heading up through Forfar, down through Coupar Angus and bomb it straight through to Scone Palace. We don't know what we expect to find there, but with Angus driving, we also don't entirely expect to live.

>> No.41120165

Good thing you're already in the lands of the dead and dammed then.

>> No.41120450

And things can only get worse from there.

Now as anon may have noticed, you can usually tell how far into an evening we had gotten by the quality of ideas generated.

This one was very close to what would be the end of a session, but it seemed like such a good idea we continued onwards anyway.

Arriving at Scone, we can see flames in the distance. We can hear the sounds of battle.

The sun is just starting to rise as we arrive.

The battle must've been going on at least all night, and likely throughout the previous day as the last of the living giants defend their last redoubt (Scone Palace) against the undead hordes come to take the Stone of Scone.

The mood in Scone is sombre, death songs are sung, the living know this is the last sunrise they will see, before the day is out, they will join the marching hordes of undeath. The shieldwall has not broken, it will not break until until the last spear, until the last breath. Tears mix with the rain as a people prepare to die.

>Lo, there do I see my father. 'Lo, there do I see...
>My mother, and my sisters, and my brothers.
>Lo, there do I see...
>The line of my people...
>Back to the beginning.
>Lo, they do call to me.
>They bid me take my place among them.


The jalopy ramps the gates and comes to a rest by battering its suspension into the flagstones outside of Scone Palace

>We're here!

>> No.41120674

And there anons, is where I think I have to go to bed. More posting tomorrow hopefully.

>> No.41121444

Well, with impending death and then enslaved undeath, I can't see how you lot could make their situation worse.

Things can only improve from here.

>> No.41122693

Bumping from page 9.

>> No.41124881

And again.

>> No.41126784

Yeah, this thread is being stubborn now.

>> No.41126983
File: 32 KB, 500x400, 404.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.41127778


>> No.41128060

It's probably going to need a bump two hours from now and then another two hours from them before it'll be in a less risky position.

>> No.41128314


>> No.41129534

Good morning anons.

Let's see what can be done while my client is late.

So, we (mostly due to the DM finding the idea funny) have made it into the last battle of the giants. Their ragnarork as it were as they sacrifice in blood for the only thing they have left. Honour.

>How did you get through the opposing army of undead?

Undead giants are slow and were not expecting five lunatics in a truck.

The giants themselves do not react well to our sudden appearance as a detachment surround us.

We have just appeared like a wet fart in their heroic epic. Even once they establish we are alive they seem less than pleased.

We are brought before their leader.

Great McDonald (Big Mac) who as one might expect is enormous.

By the way anons my studies of Norse literature and myth are a long time behind me, but I always wondered, do you think there's any mileage in the idea that the Norse gods represent homo sapiens and the ice-giants the larger Neanderthals who the very early Norse may have competed with? It's nothing to do with the current adventure but just pondering.

>> No.41129614

Big Mac is less than enamoured with us, he's suffering from a couple dozen wounds and has arrows sticking out of one side of him. Big Mac is past his prime, but he has aged like weathered oak. You get the feeling from him he wins headbutting contests with cannonballs, and also that deep down, he is happy to die like this, one final battle than to slowly fade.

His great axe lies limply across his knees.

He bids his retainers leave him except one very very old giant indeed.

>so little ones, have you come to die with us?

Not exactly...

We sort of plan on living.

>there's not much chance of that now is there...

We have an offer for you.

>what can you offer me when I know the sun will set on my risen corpse?

We have a bard?

>is that what that thing is? It would be a fine thing to have our tale sung.

We also, can offer to take the stone to safety.

The tiredness in the Big Macs eyes burns out. The loose muscles of his shoulders knot like glaciers carving valleys.

>will you now....

We got in here. We can get it out, and we can make your deaths mean something. We can't save you, but we can save the stone.

>> No.41129873

>and how little ones, will you do that?

We got in here, we can get out...

>if you take the stone, my warriors will know it is gone, they know they will not die to protect it, but to protect the space where it once sat. More to the point, why should I trust you?

Well we are alive, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Additionally we have this...

We present to him our letters of authority.

And finally, are you not Britons? If you are so willing to sacrifice all, why not be willing to sacrifice to aid the nation? This fight is already lost, but the war will continue, and the war can still be won.

Big Mac approves of this.

>> No.41129898

>Great McDonald (Big Mac)

I'm not sure how old a lot of the norse stuff is - most of what is commonly known (as in, randomers on tg know) is very late or even post-christianisation retellings

If I had to guess I'd say it's more likely to be based on different ecthnic groups (especially considering there's the Vanir and the Aesir as well as the various giants), rather than different species. Though humans and Neanderthals did coexist for around 5000 years they also died out around 40'000 years ago.

Also, from what I know (and a quick wiki check backs up) Neanderthals were smaller, albeit stockier, than humans.

>> No.41129912

Oh well that's my fancy idea ruined. However learning increases. Thank you knowledgeable-anon for correcting me.

>> No.41130270

>Neanderthals were smaller, albeit stockier, than humans.
IIRC from a museum visit, the average Neanderthal would've weighted about 120-150kg while being around 150cm tall - and could deadlift ~100kg easily. You'd rather not have one throw rocks at you, nor get in a fistfight with one.

>> No.41130390

>throw rocks
Were they good at that?

I know that's a human advantage, compared to, say, a chimp (which has massive arm strength but is a terrible thrower), but is that a Homo thing or a Homo Sapiens thing?

>> No.41130442

>but is that a Homo thing
Hah, geeeey.

Srsly, I don't know. But I mean, if they could throw spears...

>> No.41130920

Just chucking this in, what about cro-magnon man?

>> No.41131074

Basically just a name for early homo saps so no giants there either.
At this point the evidence seems to be that Neanderthals were pretty much on a par with early Homo Sapiens when it comes to technology and spear chucking abilities, but died out because they weren't able to breed as quickly or adapt to the post-ice age warmer climate as well.

>> No.41132484


>> No.41133116

And a good morning bump from me.

>> No.41133440

>but died out because they weren't able to breed as quickly or adapt to the post-ice age warmer climate as well.
Actually we just fucked them out of existence, we genetically swamped them with successive waves of migration.

>> No.41133612
File: 228 KB, 500x377, rumble_mcskirmish_kick_by_animeman214-d5fa17r.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


its evolution baby!

>> No.41134482

Hello anons, if I'm posting today it's likely to be during the next two or three hours so watch this space.

>> No.41134834


So what's the name for the current story?

>> No.41135832

That is a very good question. I'm sure an appropriate title will come to us as we go though.

>> No.41135925

Oops. Namefagging time.

>> No.41136029

With Big Macs approval we are allowed into the inner sanctum. The stone of destiny lies before us. It really is a fairly innocuous lump of rock (really) but the giants attach an almost religious significance to it.

Big Mac bows low before it. We do the same. There is definitely something in the air and it isn't Angus (we are so used to that as to be immune) the wizard can sense a tension in the air. There is definitely magic here.

>> No.41136071

Big Mac lifts the stone easily. To him it's about the size of a house brick. It takes the Navvie and I to carry it.

We don't really have a plan at this stage beyond drive really really fast but that has gotten us this far.

As soon as we get into the open air, the undead surge against the defences, they (or their masters) know something is up.

>> No.41136176

We point the truck at the gates with the stone roped to the flatbed. The wizard is given the task of driving as he doesn't need both hands to do offensive things. Angus rides shotgun.

Big Mac goes in front of us. We can hear the undead battering at the gates over the engine.

Two of the giants fling the gates open as Big Mac charges out. In his armour with his axe singing through the air, he is a sight such as this isle will not see again. The proudest of his race.

As he rams into the enemy we skirt round him at speed. With the wizard driving we manage to dodge the majority of attacks and respond to other threats with enough violence that we don't have to slow down.

Looking back over the tailgate, we can see Big Mac still swinging his axe as the skeletons of his brother giants swarm him.

Concerningly our cargo and departure have definitely been noticed.

>> No.41136496

As a GM I'm trying desperately to cause a purple penguin but the players managed to outsmart me by splitting the party and rolling well enough to accomplish both objectives.

>> No.41136501

You should've gift wrapped it then.

No one ever guesses what's under the wrapping.

>> No.41137057

It'll happen anon. The DM never expected it to happen nor planned for it to do so. As always he was quite good at snagging onto the mood.

>a present anon?
>for me?
>PIRANHAS! Arghflarglblargh!

>> No.41137143

Ok. I have about an hours solid posting time so lets see how far we can get.

As always if I miss something or it doesn't make sense, highlight it and I'll clarify.

So with that sombre and altogether bizarre diversion we commenced the session the following week, moving fast in a general southwesterly direction and straight into undead territory. It is here we get our first glance at exactly what the necromantic apocalypse can do.

There's not a lot that can catch us as we barrel through, but there's also quite a lot of reasons for us to stop.

If anon ever played that one scenario in gorkamorka, some of this may seem familiar. (The one where the board moved)

>> No.41137195

Have some appropriate music while I get some tea.

>> No.41137302

Scone palace wasn't actually too bad. There was still greenery. There was still life. Things get progressively weirder as we go. The sun fades, the clouds draw in (ok this is still normal for Scotland). The light of the sun shifts to a redder bloody hue (much like a blood-moon). We swerve round the bloated flyblown corpses of animals. Not all of them stationary. There is a rather messy incident with a cow.

>> No.41137432

Onwards we travel. There is a mist rising.

While we can see skeletons in the distance the road itself seems quiet beyond the odd wandering corpse.

The necromancers must have something planned for us, but as we zip along past Perth and down to Bridge of Earn, we remain unmolested.

As we approach the river Earn the mist is thicker, much thicker. We have to slow down now as visibility drops.

Sensing a DM sized ambush incoming, we generally prepare ourselves. We start at shapes looming in the mist. An overturned cart is riddled with bullets and a circular saw. An entirely innocent postbox is set alight. The withered remains of a treebranch cause a full on Navvie-rage/spaz of hammer swinging.

In the distance, or maybe nearby, we can hear a howl.

>> No.41137512

The engine idles as we come to the bridge. It's narrow, uncomfortably so.

In the mist every thing seems insulated, unearthly, ethereal. There's another howl in the distance. There are very definitely shapes out there and they're moving.

>> No.41137649

The headlamps only serve to lighten the mist a little, casting illumination a scant few feet ahead and then it becomes opaque.

There's another howl, much, much closer.

>Bard: Seriously...it's just wolves guys...probably undead, zombie, flame shooting flying wolves....that's not so bad...at least they don't have like tentacles or scorpion stingers or...


As we crawl to the other end of the bridge. We see our path is blocked. The remains of what looks like several carts have crashed into one another along with at least one motorvehicle. It seems like a fair pile up. There's a couple of zombies in the wreckage waving pitifully but otherwise harmless.

We are going to have to shift this or turn around.

With the Bard and Angus standing watch, the Navvie and I get the job of starting to shift things.It's heavy work, slow work, and in the mist, shapes move.

Angus is watching the edge of the bridge intently as a tentacle, then another, dabbles over the parapet, exploring then sinking back into the waters.

Above us we can hear the beating of wings.

Everything around us has the stench of the undeath, but there's so much of it, we can't even begin to identify what is a threat and what is just fucking weird.

>> No.41137733

Did you start running low on ammo and fuel at this point, or did you loot Donny's place properly before moving on to this stone business?

>> No.41137798
File: 51 KB, 874x576, BIG SHARK and divers.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

The vibe anon should be getting is pic related.

Also some mood music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfAWReBmxEs

Angus has topped the flamethrower up with one of the jerry-cans of fuel in the back of the truck. The Wizard, Bard and Navvie don't really use ammo, and fortunately, I'm always well provisioned with shells and pipe tobacco.

None of this would suddenly stop the DM declaring "You are short of X" but we were all too lazy/distracted/drunk to keep track of ammunition consumption as such.

>> No.41137874

Little will-o-the wisps spark like fireflies in the mist, blue, green, orange, purple, red. They shoot up from the waters of the river below us, some rising high, others snatched out of the air by something we can't see.

As the Navvie and I wrestle to shove the van out of the way (and indeed put down the crushed remains of the passengers) the tentacles lash over the parapet again. As another howl comes, much closer, right behind us.

The zombified remains of wolves run across the span of the bridge. Clicking claws on the cobblestones, flanks rent and torn asunder, bellies distended from flesh and decomposition.

Angus turns to respond, the thing under the bridge responds faster, tentacles swinging out over the span of the bridge, snatching at desperate howling wolves.

The survivors run past the Navvie and I, clearly fleeing from something.

The skeletal remains of what must've been a member of the corvid family flicker down beside us.

>> No.41137964

The raven coughs

>but Aldous it's a skeleton it doesn't have lungs...

The response to that is the same thing the DM said.

It's an animated skeleton that in total contravention of the rules of aerodynamics just flew, and you want to know how it can cough? Nevermore daft players have I encountrered.

>> No.41137996


It coughs again.

The Navvie and I keep shiting stuff. The wizard helps from his position behind the wheel.

Angus decides to investigate this thing. He gets close to it and pokes it with a gloved finger.

It falls apart into it's composite bones.

Then several things happen at once.

>> No.41138015

>shiting stuff.


Oh well, too late now.

>> No.41138122

>What happens?

A tentacle wraps around Angus's ankle.

There is a very loud thump from behind us, as of something hauling itself out of the river and landing on the cobblestones.

From above, something very large flaps it's leathery wings...

>> No.41138345

Did you take a wrong turn and end up in Ireland?

>> No.41138567

Never trust the water in Britbongsteros anon.

As Angus is lifted vertically into the air, screaming for help, a shape resolves out of the mist behind us. A very familiar silhouette. One without a head and some very big sloping shoulders.

>How the fuck did he get here?

>Fucking Coliunn.

Then something big lands in front of us and I mean big. Big enough that the force of it coming into land sends a plume of dust washing over us and staggers the Navvie and I.

>> No.41138608

Last post for a little while/ the evening

The wizard does his best to sever the tentacle, he can't quite get a bead on it in the mist, Angus hangs onto the parapet for dear life.

Behind us, Coliunn settles into a loping run towards us.

In front of us, something spreads it's wings and a long, long tail covered in scraps of scales lashes in the mist.

>> No.41138634

oh and, relevant.


>> No.41139042

Aw hell, undead dragons.

>> No.41139766

I think Neanderthals were less fertile than humans and had slightly longer gestation periods. That was certainly a contributor.

>> No.41141526

Bumping from page 9 again.

>> No.41143445

And again... again.

>> No.41145238

I wonder if it'll make it through another night.

>> No.41147058

Of course it will anon! As long as we stand side by side!

>> No.41149036
File: 2 KB, 85x92, images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRJQPXD1-rAYh76UoGtw3R9alNq7RaI2qynZKUNwC7ugjvPcn1EDx0lQQ.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Bump of I need to sleep soon.

>> No.41149163

We also fucked them a lot, though I'm not sure how the difference between a Human with a bit of Neanderthal DNA and a Neanderthal with a bit of Human DNA works

>> No.41149231

I recall seeing something about a study being done and they SUSPECT people alive today with a certain joint arrangements in their fingers could have some neanderthal heritage.

Something to do with the bones overlapping more.

>> No.41149262

I seem to recall a thing about people in Europe having some Neanderthal genes, but I never followed it up

>> No.41149904

I thought it was about the people living in Newfoundland.

And this is my good night bump. I'm up hours later than I thought I'd be.

>> No.41149979

The aboriginal peoples or the decendants of the colonials?

>> No.41150880

I'm going to read this.

>> No.41151344

Bump for noon

>> No.41153686

Page 10 bump.

>> No.41155260

I think it had to do with vikings maybe.

It's been years since I heard this tentative information

>> No.41156573
File: 37 KB, 400x447, 1426434984872.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Aldous, just read the rest of the story, all the way to the end. It was beautiful man.
We have our comforts, I have my books, she has her dogs, and above the fire, on the mantlepiece, sits a small, stuffed toy.
And that anons, was Britbongsteros.

>> No.41157996

Bump to live a few hours more.

>> No.41158027

thank you anon and all the others.

Look for me about 22:30 GMT, we should be able to at least fill out the thread tonight.

>So what did you do today Aldous?
I made the internet cry.

This pleases me inordinately.

>> No.41158623
File: 26 KB, 237x350, bear18.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>>So what did you do today Aldous?
>I made the internet cry.
And he complains about his DM being a dick.

No, captcha, that Starbucks cup is NOT tea.

>> No.41159880

Again bumping from page 9.

>> No.41159975

*23:00 GMT, I suck.

I did learn from the best.

>> No.41160995
File: 1.54 MB, 720x404, ZyMOKxv.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Alright anons, here we go.

Oddly enough, .webm related.


We have Coliunn behind us, some scary tentacley thing under the bridge. Angus is up in the air still be waved about, and we have no fucking idea what that thing in front of us is.

The Navvie and I fall back to the truck. The Wizard finally manages to a decent saw-blade through a tentacle, which reflexively flings Angus towards Coliunn. Angus manages a very lucky roll, and lands just behind Coliunn.

Coliunn is very surprised when Angus manages to crawl up his back. The bard does what he does best (see Youtube above) and digs into Angus's sack of tricks as best he can.

From the mist comes....

>> No.41161236
File: 185 KB, 1130x734, Dragon+and+dink+i+don+t+know+what+this+is+from_3ccd65_5439029.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Generally the part are assumed to have the knowledge of the bestiary of Aberdeen.

>Wut is...


(Have fun - I love me some old books)

Dragons in Britbongsteros:

We know there are some smart, human-sized to double-decker bus sized dragons on the continent, this isn't one of those. Or wasn't anyway, there are also feral dragons, much as there is homo-sapiens and there are apes.

This one is of course the Dragon of Linton, or again, was, the bones having been raised by one of the necromancers roaming the country.

Now this situation is not the best of places to be in for what were a week ago, a labourer, a merchant, a scholar, a greengrocer and a travelling musician.

It's a case of kill or cure and in this crucible of fire, we do our best to stand the flames.

>pic related, and before anyone asks, no I got it from here I have no idea what it's from.

>> No.41161300
File: 273 KB, 662x888, TGisasTGdoes.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


The Wyrm of Linton of course looks nothing like the above pic, or indeed this pic. It's your traditional old school dragon, mouth with lots of fangs, and...oh hang on....

>Aberdeen Bestiary:

The dragon has a crest, a small mouth, and narrow blow-holes through which it breathes and puts forth its tongue. Its strength lies not in its teeth but in its tail, and it kills with a blow rather than a bite. It is free from poison. They say that it does not need poison to kill things, because it kills anything around which it wraps its tail.

From the dragon not even the elephant, with its huge size, is safe. For lurking on paths along which elephants are accustomed to pass, the dragon knots its tail around their legs and kills them by suffocation

So what we're looking at is a big skeletal snake with wings.

>> No.41161416


The dragon lumbers towards the party (minus Angus) while tentacles lash randomly over the bridge. The Wizard has found his stride and does his best to slice and dice them as they appear.

The Navvie and I have our work cut out for us.

The Navvie decides that although he has never killed anything that big, there is always a good time to start.

Reasoning that nothing likes solid slugs, I take aim and try to go for the head.

>Meanwhile. Angus has got onto Coliunns back (Have you noticed Anon that Angus is exceptionally good at derailing things?) and is driving the poor bastard wild by digging his knife into the rapidly regenerating flesh between his shoulder blades time and time again.

Coliunn is wild with fury and can't reach back to Angus.

The thing under the bridge is trying it's hardest to climb up out of the water. We still haven't seen what it is, and are not likely to want to.


>> No.41161465

The dragon sweeps toward the Navvie, coiling about him, but being composed mostly of bones this is mostly just uncomfortable.

The Navvie does his best to smash vertebrae to dust, shortening the creature by the yard as I put slugs into its face.

Coliunn lumbers past the rather surprised bard and Wizard, narrowly missing the truck but swinging out periliously over the parapet.

Angus gets a good look at what's down there.

The eloquence of Angus is more than enough for our purposes.


>> No.41161517

Tentacles slither up and around Coliunn. They also snake about Angus. Binding him to his steed. As Coliunn struggles and roars. The wizard manages to free Angus (and very nearly decapitate him).

Angus makes a run for truck. Getting his hands wrapped about the towbar as the creature ensares his waist again.

The Wizard decides enough is enough and guns the engine.

Meanwhile the Bard does his best to saw through the tentacles while Angus hangs on for dear life.

The creature is strong enough that the truck is starting to scrape backward even as the Wizard floors it.

>> No.41161581

The bard gets a good blow in on the tentacle and it separates, some still entwined around Angus.

The truck leaps forward, rapidly accelarating towards the Navvie and I.

It clips me as the Wizard does his best to slow down. Knocking me aside.

Angus is still being dragged along behind it.

As the truck slows down, he loses his grip. The Bard is able to collect both of us when the Wizard swerves to a halt.

Meanwhile the Navvie and the Wyrm wrestle.

The wizard is able to help him out a little, but what helps him most is when the rest of the party are aboard, the wizard rams the thing.

Meanwhile behind us, the ...thing has gotten out of the water and slopped down onto the bridge which is trembling and creaking under the weight. Coliunn is still proving to be a most difficult meal for it, but boy does it have a lot of teeth.

>> No.41161676


Ramming the dragon works out better than expected. Less well for the Navvie however who as the bones shatter around him is pretty badly knocked about.

The few vertebrae and head that are left still squirm and snap at us as, with the full party aboard, we decide the best thing to do, is leg it.

>> No.41161749

Speeding of into the mist and southwards, we can only expect things to get worse. We know the dragon has to have come from somewhere. The other two we can (reasonably) safely assume were unfortunate accidents. Even so, it's more than a bit of a concern.

Clearly the stone is more important than we thought...

>> No.41162063

We drive on.

Also I can't believe we're this far into this and this song hasn't made it in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np0solnL1XY

We divert, we avoid blocked roads, and we wend our way what we think is southwards.
We have been travelling for quite some time, and as we pass the same reanimated corpse nailed to a churchdoor for the third time running, we realise we might be a tiny bit lost.

We are also getting low on fuel.

A little research in the hamlet we have found ourselves in reveals it to be a small market town, and the market cross reads "Bannockburn"

>> No.41162079

That's from a webcomic called Dragon's Burn.

Started off about big dragons with big tits, now it's about orphan cats.

>> No.41162163

This can only be a decline in my opinion....

>> No.41162189

Now anons, I think it's time for bed fairly soon so I'm going to have a beer, I'll be around for a little bit to answer any questions if there are any. I'll also try and get another one of these up either next weekend or the weekend after.

>> No.41162209

n.b. we have about another thread and a bit to go I think. I'll be rather sad to finally put it all to bed.

>> No.41162342

Huh, I have heard of this place. Did they have a battle or something during the rose wars in there? (Which in Britbongsteros... already happened? I am bad with dates and numbers and stuff...)

>> No.41162363

Alright, we've only got ~15 bumps left in this thread anyway.

Coliunn vs. that mechanical soldier automation that gets pushed into a river later, who wins?

>> No.41163297
File: 3 KB, 209x215, 1426354290984.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Yes, you did make me cry you sodding bastard, up until this thread I didn't even knew there were more Britbongsteros adventures.
And now that I know it ended it makes it me even sadder.

>> No.41163397

I'm glad you enjoyed it anon and extremely flattered that you felt moved by it. Thank you.

>> No.41164006

Actually I cried too. Several times.

>> No.41164177

I remember him! That is a fight I would like to see. Colin seems pretty unkillable though. I bet he comes back later...

>> No.41166876

If he comes back later, he'll be gone before Frank-Baz.

>> No.41168518

I'll update the wiki page tomorrow with the rest of the story from this thread.

>> No.41171995

Wow, still up? Only 7 bumps left?

I'm bumping.

>> No.41173872

Looked it up (I had it confused with Culloden), it was a famous Scottish victory in the wars of Scottish independence, in 1314, so pre-magic in Britbongsteros

Robert the Bruce had Stirling Castle under siege, and Edward II (the son of Edward "Hammer of the Scots" I) commanded a force to break the siege.

At Bannockburn his army fought Bruce's numerically inferior one (it was around half the size) and lost, over the course of two days (unusual for medieval pitched battles).

With casualty estimates from 5100 - 15700 it's prime necromancer fodder

>> No.41174926
File: 12 KB, 480x360, hqdefault.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I'll give you all a clue for next time

>> No.41175820

One final point for this thread.

>Tfw when you take a train down the east coast to London and every where you stop you have either killed a bunch of people or set fire to.

It's a very odd feeling.

>> No.41175939

aaand thats us on the MI5's watchlist, thanks GCHQ.

>> No.41176020


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