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39367977 No.39367977 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Well /tg/ it's been quite a ride but now we begin the last tale of Britbongsteros. I'll follow this post with a summary for anyone new to these but you don't really need all the backstory for this one.

>> No.39368014

>ITT Everybody dies.

>Wut is Britbongsteros?
Britbongsteros is a setting my group made up and played in about four or five years back. The world is geographically the same and mixed with mythology and a healthy dose of pure fantasy.

/tg/ seems to enjoy hearing about it and many storytimes have occurred so far. They have been collected by one kind anon here:

if you are new you don't need to read all that. I'll give you a summary of the party and what's going on in the next posts.

As always bumps are appreciated, as are puns.

>> No.39368031

If anon has any questions please feel free to ask as we go, it may already have been covered or it may be new, just ask.

>the party
Throughout our adventures there were always at least five of us, and usually six. These are:

An orc from Dundee. Originally a greengrocer but also horrendously proficient with the flamethrower he carries. The flamethrower doubles as a thermic lance.

>the bard.
A human, wears a kilt, plays the bagpipes. Occasionally has great ideas. The DM uses his own taste in music for what the bard actually plays (so usually classic rock or country & western)

Essentially a Dark Eldar wych wearing more clothes. She is vicious and stealthy. Armed with two daggers and a sword that she talks to. Played by my then (and now again) GF. The latter fact occasionally becomes relevant which is why I mention it.

>The wizard
Not actually magic but can command metal (iron) and summon various sharp or pointy things. Including chainsaws.

>The Navvie (also called Burt)
A very large human with a hammer. He hits things with it. Has recently started to glow like a Union Jack when stuff happens. We don't know why at this stage.

Me. A dwarven knight. Wears full plate. Carries twin revolvers and a gatling shotgun. Smokes a pipe.

>the purple penguin.
a stuffed toy, moral compass of the group and suspected DM PC.

>> No.39368125

>What is currently going on?

Martians landed last night (war of the world's type Martians). These were engaged by the pride of the Earths millitary forces and beaten off at great cost. The martian ship was destroyed by the suicidally daft actions of one heroic astronomer. There are six more on their way and they are more than likely to arrive tonight and tomorrow.

We begin our tale at dawn.

>> No.39368235

The smoking wrecks of landcruisers and fighting machines litter the once green fields. Bodies lie where they fell. The smell of slowly roasting flesh, shit and cordite lingers. Every so often sporadic fire can be heard as rounds cook off in wrecks or a less than dead Martian is found.

All told of the divisions that fought yesterday, less than half of the men (and German bears) are left, of the brigade of landcruisers (think Bolo) there are two thirds. These are not the total number of forces in the British isles but they were a significant number. It is clear conventional means will never have a chance of stopping every one of the landings.

Given the way the Martians construct fighting machines and appear endless, if even one of these ships were operational for more than a couple of days, the nation and then the world would be irredeemably fucked.

>> No.39368275

We can't stop them landing. The last of Sir Patrick's notes indicated a ring of ships landing around London, with the last, and largest, landing in the centre of the city.

The party discuss.

>Topic for debate
>We are fucked.

>> No.39368341

>What do we do?
Angus: acquire as many cattle and as much alcohol as possible and then start digging. They surely can't find all of us, perhaps in the sewer systems or an old mine?

>Navvie: we go to a whorehouse and then prepare to meet death. Take as many with us as we can.

Cruella: We could get a boat? Then...no. we fight.

Bard: They must have a weakness. Something. We fight.

Wizard: och fuck this place whit has et e'er doon fir us?

Me: we fight. The purple penguin expects. there is nowhere to run. We they'll find us, better to die where it might mean something.

>> No.39368398

The mention of the purple penguin and the last OOC discussion about giving things a good send off seals the discussion. We also have someone there who has fought these martians before

>> No.39368528

instructions have already been relayed for the forces remaining in the Isles to coverge on London and with scant time remaining, we make our way there ourselves as quickly as possible.

The remains of the privy council meet us at Cutlers Hall. They seem well informed of what the world can expect. Richard III is already in armour, blackadder's gorilla servant baldrick lingers in the background, eyeing everything susiciously. Cromwell is elsewhere, organising the defence of the city. The citizens are either leaving or forming levies, those that do leave are being turned round and formed into "special battalions." The watch word of the day is "you can always take a Martian with you"

>> No.39368579

Sam Johnson was rather proud of that one it is he who leads us down to Sir Patrick's lab, and our old friend, Antgyros

>> No.39368598

Woo, Britbongsteros!

Saving any penguin-related images in case I need to bump later

>> No.39368817

As anon may recall, Antgyros is a Martian of an entirely different stripe to what is coming. We found him in Egypt and sealed him into a lead ball. He is in effect, an irascible bowling ball. In Sir Patrick's lab, we expect to find him sealed up somewhere or imprisoned, he is instead doing double duty as a paper weight, with a book propped open in front of him.

>How does a bowling ball see? He's psychic. He can't melt your face off, but he can bounce about and sense things around him. This appears to include books.


>> No.39368936

Antgyros is oddly needy for hating everyone around him.

Hello in there. We were rather hoping you could help us...


We were hoping you might be able to tell us about the Maritans, the other martians. Maybe you can help us defeat them?


Would defeating the king help us at all?


>> No.39368980
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That reminds me, I too have such a folder.

>> No.39369014
File: 51 KB, 750x600, come_at_me_bro__by_firestriker-d5oz9rm.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Reading between the lines, it appears Antgyros has just given us something of a clue. If we can take the king down, it may throw the hive into disarray, maybe even long enough to make a material change to the conflict. It appears more likely however it will give us all one last most impressive fuck you to fate.

>> No.39369384

Been waiting for this.

>> No.39369617

Extra long post as its nearly bedtime.

The party withdraws from the lab. We think we have enough to go on. At the very least DM just gave us a plothook and we are taking it line and sinker. As far as we know, the Martians intend on doing some very bad things to earth and if we don't even try to stop them here, then thats it. Game over for everyone. We decide we have a couple more questions for Antgyros and return to him.

Antgyros, what exactly will the Martians do?


(We didn't tell him that did we?)


Again Antgyros, what would happen if the king died?


ok we've heard enough. You're coming with us.


Cruella picks him up and we stuff him into the Navvies rucksack. He can still be heard, albeit slightly muffled, shouting.

We reveal the above to Privy council, who agree the above is probably our only hope. They suggest we use the remaining half a day or so to draw as much support as we can, call in old favours and generally be as prepared as possible.

>First stop
>John Borrison.

>> No.39369644

And now anons, bedtime. I'll continue in the morning before work if I can. Obviously if anon is able to bump that would be appreciated, if not, I'll find it in the archive and start afresh.

>> No.39370869

Ah, the tried and honored tradition of bringing back EVERYONE for the grand finale.

I love it when that happens.

>> No.39372449
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I'm gonna keep this thread up.

>> No.39372539
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Can't sleep, must bump

>> No.39374254

bumpin before I sleep

>> No.39375934

I'm doing that too.

>> No.39376039

I'm pretty damn sure this is where the Once and Future king shows up from Avalon in a ship from Tames right ?

>> No.39376693

How do you know he's not already around?

>> No.39378765

bumping from university


>> No.39379272

> Bloom County OP image
You, sir, are a great man.

>> No.39380296

I'm kind of imagining the Egyptian gods showing up and stopping one of the ships 4 giants from Majora's Mask style.

>> No.39381002

Hello /tg/. Its all gone rather /ck/ here but for those of you that like to read along as I'm posting. ETA is about 17:30 GMT (so about half an hour)

>> No.39381091
File: 39 KB, 349x215, BloomCounty_7830.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Also thank you.

Pictured: The party

>> No.39381442

apologies 18:30, I cannot in fact tell time

>> No.39381463

If nothing else, we're a patient lot.

>> No.39381513
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Chilling at home, grading homeworks.

>grawrding homewrarwrks

>> No.39381657

>but darling...4chan needs me...

So yes, apologies for the slightly later showing of Britbongsteros

So the party have had a think, we decide of all the people that owe use favours, John Borrison is the easiest to reach.

There's still King Rorke, all of Egypt (though maybe a bit tricky to get a hold of), Scotland is a bit far at the moment, and of course King Algie is already here (and usless) but the British forces that can reach London by nightfall are doing so (this includes a couple of highland regiments on excercise). The Thames south of Tower Bridge is filling up with battleships. The population are either miserable or drunk and miserable. Some are cheerful, expecting the "blitz spirit" to see them through ("It'll all be over by christmas! and then we'll have a nice cup of tea, stiff upper lip etc")

>> No.39381671

that you are, and I am grateful for it.

>> No.39381743

>Owe us favours.
God I hope you all speak typo. That's getting embarassing.

John Borrison, as always, is pleased to see us - or at least as far as we can tell, what with him being mostly tree.

>"You're alive! For now. I wonder how these Martians feel about trees, if they don't feel too bad about them, I wonder what I can sell them, everything wants something to shove up it's nose, or something so it can hold it's nose up over everyone else, or fuck, possibly up it's nose, and John Borrison has the lot."

>> No.39381802

>"Now if I was a little green man, what do you think I'd want? Little green whores? Little green drugs? That big green one (he means Angus) likes sheep, so maybe...TINY SHEEP!

>John Borrison makes a note to himself as we utterly fail to impress upon him the severity of the situation.

>> No.39381900

John, focus, is there anything you might actually be able to do to help?

>King Rorke is already coming to see me, I thought a telegraph to him might not hurt, by the way, you can all sort out paying me sooner rather than later for that favour. Now as to what I can actually do...I'm a bit limited there, being a man of business...


>> No.39382106

As mentioned previously, John borrison does a line in just about anything as long as you don't enquire to closely into its parentage/veracity/or indeed question authenticity.

It appears however, he as some 100% certified bits of God. Fresh from Egypt. They look a lot like pickled herring.

He also has somehow acquired a wunderwaffe.

(If the DM is being a bit obvious here in kitting us out, we were not going to complain)

>> No.39382130


Is anyone else getting lots and lots of 404s from this thread?

>> No.39382204

but autoupdate didnt work either

>> No.39382226

None that I'm seeing.

>> No.39382814

that was very strange, even tried the phone to post, but anyway, believe it or not, semi-rural scotland is not actually a 3rd world country.

>> No.39382841

We gratefully take the goods he has provided us with, on the condition that we each give him something that means something to us and we agree that when the war is over, we will do our best to get him made Sir John Borrison.

We dutifully hand over:

>A ring, a comb, a lock of camel fur, a drinking cup, a chanter, and a dwarvish match holder.

>> No.39382952

At those point was the party getting even more protective of the Purple Penguin?

>> No.39383157

That's an honour reserved for Glasgow's choicer housing estates

>> No.39384879

I'm bumping it.

>> No.39386509

And a again.

>> No.39387220

When were we not? I'd hate to think what might happen if we lost him, He'd become a sort of totem by this point.

>> No.39387310

King Rorke arrives shortly thereafter, his men waiting outside the city. He's brought not only himself, but some Irish people. (sorry Ireland).

>It's DM Dilemma time.

King Rorke remains as bro-tier as he did last time, however the Irish folk (if you may recall from last time, they summoned Cthulu and all of his friends), we are a bit more skeptical of. So once we've finished bear hugging, King Rorke swears that he will stand by us, while the Welsh cannot do much in a mechanized war such as this, they will skirmish, they will assist, and they will die with us.

The Irish however are a different matter.

We take our first real good look at them.

On a hot day, have you ever looked far into the distance along a long straight road? You know how the heat shimmers? Imagine if that was a what they had for eyes. You can't hold their gaze, your eyes just slide off them.

They speak sibilantly

>weeeeee would alllllsooo wisssssssh asssissst

King Rorke what the fuck are these?

>> No.39387396

On the one hand we know well we need all the help we can get, but if these are the same guys who were into all the blood sacrifice and cthulu summoning, who essentially made Ireland in the Chaos wastes well....

We take a straw poll among the party. We decide to ask them what exactly they can do for us.

>Ttttthee oooold ones dissslike the interlllllooopers as much as you do.

Old. Ones.


The Wizard speaks up.

What do they want in return?

>Mmmmaany souls will be rre--reeeleased in these c-c-c-c-c-oming dayzzzz

(They seem to be getting excited, their lips don't quite synch up with their words)

>Tttthe oooo-ooolll-D onessszzs wishhhhh to fffffeast.

>> No.39387457

Ok, so, essentially you want to eat the souls of the dead, and in return you offer us Cthulu?


[as an aside, it was about this stage that the bard pointed out, "If I just run up to the Martians and shout 'JAPAN, WEEABOO, HENTAI, NINJA BUKKAKE SAKE KATANA TENTACLE HELLO-KITTY DOMO ARIGATO FUTANARI' Godzilla will rape them," the response was a unanimous "shut the fuck up Bard.")

>> No.39387497

[again as an aside, that string of capitalized words would make for an excellent song]

>> No.39387654

That's hilarious.

But how long would it take Godzilla to get from Japan to the British Islands?

>> No.39387724

I seem to recall Godzilla just sort of instanteously appears.

>> No.39387781

Ah, I was assuming he spawned in the ruins of Japan and worked his way to the offending person.

>> No.39387864
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Pic vaguely related.

So, yes Cthulu might be useful, but that's going to be kind of a problem. Who know's what insanity might fall out of a portal or what these crazies might need to do it.

Actually that's rather a good point. How are they going to summon god know's what (or who know's what god)?

>wwwwhhat ma-ma-makes you thiiiiiink he is is not ready-already here?

Hang on. What looney god do you people follow?

>> No.39387896

Oh god it's Duncan isn't it?

>> No.39387957
File: 43 KB, 400x196, penguin-biscuit.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

and no he just sort of drops out of the sky.


[this lost some dramatic effect when the first time the DM did the p p p p p sound, Cruella said, "Pick up a Penguin"

Pic related, P-p-p-p-pick-up-a-penguin being a well known advertising slogan here)

>> No.39388005
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As much as I loved that fish. Sadly not, but have a Dunkleosteus anyway anon.

>> No.39388109

So wait, now we have Martians, your insane god who is the once and future king of fucking reality, and you want us to help summon him and his mates?

Will he go home afterwards?

>Wwwith suuuuiiiiiiitable tribuuuuute

Ok that settles it, you can all fuck off. (is what we want to say, but having Cthulu or whatever appear in the middle of Man vs Martian also doesn't seem like a wonderful idea, on the other hand...)

>where exactly will he be summoned?


[For those anons who have not looked at Britbongsteros on a map recently, you may note that London is circled by a ring road, we are expecting the ship that isn't landing in the city centre to land along that]

>> No.39388110

fuck I kind of want a penguin now.

They have the lamest jokes

>> No.39388127
File: 85 KB, 634x423, 239A053C00000578-2854540-Hitching_a_ride_Young_penguin_Yoyo_with_diver_Derek_Youd_at_the_-1_1417344965836.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

So do I.

>> No.39388165
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hue, watford, where the South stops.

Also, the guns on HMS Belfast are trained on the M25

>> No.39388440

An eminently sensible decision that. But now it's bedtime here, I'll be around a bit tomorrow night, will try to give an ETA during that.

>> No.39388469

*during the day.

Damn I'm tired.

>> No.39388588

Yeah, it's pretty late

And I'm convinced the M25 is the demonic sigil mentioned in Good Omens

>> No.39388621

I'm so glad I finally read that at the start of the year.

There's references to it all over the place that I hadn't been picking up on.

>> No.39388714

I did not know that.

>> No.39388791

I just mean all over the place in general.

Usually on /tg/ too...

>> No.39390941

I bump it.

>captcha: selected all pizza below

One of the pics even had "top pizza" written on it.

>> No.39392844

Bump in the morning.

>> No.39394523

Bump before bed

>> No.39396119

I'll also do this.

>> No.39397369

bumping just about to hold a lecture

>> No.39399649

ETA approximately 19:00 today.

Have what I'm listening to (loudly) while writing some files up.


>> No.39400615

After the wunderwaffe thing, did you think it twas too soon for the Purple Penguin to be targeted again?

>> No.39400634

Hooray, this samefagging, unfunny asshole will finally shut up!

>> No.39400722

You're hilarious. Truly the funniest person on 4chan. You open a thread, bump it by whining, then dissapear. I love you.

>> No.39402078

Soon. Very soon...

>> No.39403012

For a day or two until he comes by with his next thing.

>> No.39403132

Hello /tg/ just checking in. Posting commencing shortly.

We love you really grumpy-anon

Next thing? I have really got to stop promising /tg/ stuff. Is this Chaucer's knight?

>> No.39404693

John borrison helpfully adds.

>it sounds to me like you folks will need l the help you can get.

The Navvie has had enough.

>seriously why are we even discussing this. It. Eat. Souls. Whose to say we can even get rid of this thing when we summon it. No. No help from me and no help from any of you if you're thinking straight.

Cruella rebutts.

>We literally need all the help we can get. I say we take the help and deal with the consequences after.

I side with the Navvie.

>this isn't what we stand for. This isn't right.

Wizard agrees.

Angus takes cruellas side.

>we have killed these things before. We need all the bullet catchers we can.

Bard makes it a tie.
>who knows it might not be so bad after all. it's only cthulu...

>> No.39404787

Makes me wonder, do the Martians even have souls?

>> No.39404799

We have an impasse. The Penguin looks on, remaining stoically silent.

The Navvie's rucksack however does not.




John Borrison suddenly looks very, very interested, as do the cultists.

King Rorke headbutts a cask of beer open and pays little attention to proceedings.

>> No.39404853
File: 8 KB, 200x200, download.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Hello Antgyros, is that you?

No you're not typing in caps. Can't be.


>we know you do.


>> No.39404907

As some of you may recall, the wizard hates spiders.



We gently persuade the wizard to calm down,

>Ok we'll come back to that later.

>So what you're saying is, the Martians won't sate Cthulu, it'll need human sacrifice.

Cultist 1: Yheeeth uuuuuussssss

>> No.39404976

So cultists, you plan on basically running at the Martians, getting slaughtered, then Cthulu turns up and eats them?

>iiittt wwwi wi wi will be a glorious ssssacrificcce

>That's a yes then.

Cruella: Ok so that's not so bad is it guys?

>> No.39405084

the DM is failing utterly to hide a smile. He's obviously pleased at how well his plan to cause friction within the party is going.

The Navvie (as previously mentioned) is a simple man. His hammer busts open Cultist's one's head like a dropped watermelon.

>Sorry about the mess John.

>> No.39405126

King Rorke claps,
>And that's how you win an argument!

Cultist 2 seems entirely non-plussed.

>Sooooo... w-w-w-e have a deeeeeeal?

>> No.39405335

Just curious what does anon think of this situation? They're obviously evil but what would anon do?

(Also I'll continue in about twenty minutes)

>> No.39405497

they obviously have some kind of ulterior motive, otherwise...uh i dunno man

>> No.39406193

Well, I don't see them teaming up with the greater Martian evil, so I'd have no problem letting them get killed while fighting to summon their god, who would kill more of the greater enemy.

Assuming I'd make it through all of this, the only real problem would be dealing with a lesser evil in a weakened state once the greater evil is vanquished.

But there's always the chance their god will fall in battle, saving me the trouble later.

>> No.39406695


Trusting them, or really doing anything with the cultists seems like rather a bad idea, but this anon >>39406193 is right, they could be useful. So in the end, we went with it. It's a problem the rest of the world can deal with. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that.

The Navvie is not happy about it.

John Borrison isn't terribly pleased either but that's more to do with his carpet.

>> No.39406814

Don't know why John's not happy, now he has a red carpet for fancy guests

>> No.39406874

Honestly, I would have let them fight, if only because I would want to cause as much destruction as possible in my final adventure.

>> No.39407053

I sincerely look forward to you dying alone, afraid and unloved, shitlord.

>> No.39407078

That was the result in the end as well, though it did nearly cause a very big fight.


Well he currently has a very blue carpet with a big red splodge in it.


Tumblr plz go.

>> No.39407159

Yeah, that's less than stylish.

And really, what kind of apocalypse are you going to get if you don't invite some Elder Things?

Martians about to invade London definitely counts as the Godzilla Threshold
apologies for referencing Tvtropes, but it fits perfectly

>> No.39407214

Cultist 2 quite happily fucks off to be creepy somewhere near Watford, complete with a letter of recommendation from us.

We still have a feeling this is going to bite us in the ass later.

John Borrison is still admiring Antgyros

>How much for the bauble?


Antgyros rolls about the table in what he hopes is a menacing fashion. He bumps into a large salt cellar and comes to a halt.


The thing is Antgyros actually should be terrifying, but as he is just now, he really isn't and no one seems to have told him.

>> No.39407308

Honestly, I'm amazed that you had the fortitude to samefag, laugh at your own terrible lulsorandum jokes and bump your own stupid threads for this long. It's kinda depressing, if you think about it.

Also that you had the balls to disgrace a good comic with your shitposting. You should be ashamed, but we both know you're too much of a troll for that.

>> No.39407358

Out of curiosity, troll, who's forcing you to read all this, presumably at gunpoint?

>> No.39407365

Ah anon, where did the Penguin touch you? Does Otis the penguin trigger you?

I know it's tough being a teenager, but if you sit down and tell us what's wrong, maybe we can help. You've all this anger about...I have no idea.

Come on grumpy-anon articulate your feelings.

Maybe then you might seem like less of a child tossing his toys out of the pram while wailing incoherently.

>> No.39407543

John nudges Antgyros with a branch.

>Can I keep him?

Sorry John, we think we might need him.

>Hmm, I'd like one of these for my collection. Tell me bauble, are there more of you?


>Then I think the men of John Borrison will go to war. I want to keep this thing afterwards. Do we have a deal?

>Fuck yes.


>> No.39407646
File: 33 KB, 540x410, the_600_nitro_express_is_typical_of_huge_bore_elephant_gun_rounds.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

One final thing occurs to me.

John, you collect all sorts of weird and wonderful stuff right?


Have you got any guns?

>Yes..do you want to see?

>Elephant gun unlocked.

>> No.39407656

This anon makes me laugh.

He has no idea what samefagging means.

>> No.39407694

as I've said before, I'm actually rather fond of him. I do rather hope he's ok, no one should get that angry about a penguin.

I'm serious grumpy-anon, are you ok? You seem like a very wound up young man.

You may wish to contact these people rather than post on 4chan.


>> No.39407717

Good riddance, asshole.

>> No.39407857

Is Antgyros still sealed within that lead ball?

>> No.39407940
File: 1.99 MB, 1936x2592, img_0909.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

John Borrison agrees to meet us at sunset near Fleet Street.

We return to the privy council and begin to take in the plan for tonight



At some point Angus drew a smiley face on it. Forgot when.

>> No.39408026

If he figures out what those marking mean, he could probably make use of them to express how angry he is all the time by rolling upside-down.

>> No.39408033
File: 596 KB, 717x529, Capture.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

this shows the 6 expected landing sites. The green one in the middle is where will be going (more on that in the next map).

>> No.39408055

That is quite clearly a bro-wling ball

>> No.39408100

Slough kind of deserves it, but I bet they're thinking of Windsor Castle

>> No.39408147
File: 1.49 MB, 2487x1776, plate1r.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Ok green arrows are "Diversionary attacks" (Highlanders and Landcruisers)

Blue Square is Naval units who will sail down the Thames and try to keep fighting machines from crossing.

Purple arrow is us.

>> No.39408202

why is it a pentagram?

>> No.39408214

Most of London is going to be a huge crater if that thing lands.

That's a city killer.

>> No.39408240

The fun part is, Antgyros can sort of "sense" things around him, but he can't actually *see* so he has no idea.

Much like Grumpy-Anon we got rather fond of him too, maybe not enough for him to be a bro but top marks for pun anon.

I think they might've been, but yeah, fuck Slough. Someone tried to mug me there once.
By the way if this all sounds a lot like ME-3 we were a bit surprised too when it came out.

>> No.39408257

Does Cthulu want the Excalibur back ?

>> No.39408273

Exactly anon. Why is it a pentagram...

remember they're coming down fairly soft and may not be to scale. It's still fuk hueg ship.
God I love MS Paint so much though.

>> No.39408335

I was thinking of the poem, but damn.
At least "tried" suggests a not too unhappy ending

>> No.39408339

Yeah, in the back of the head maybe.

>> No.39408424


It was hilarious but that's a story one of those "real life random encounters threads"

By the way, Anon will note that St Paul's Cathedral is just above the Blue (Navy) square. Slightly to the left of that is Newgate, which is where Cutler's Hall and the Privy Council are. This is where we would be seeing these maps and receiving communications from the front.

>> No.39408446

Are we not going to talk about the Penguin?

>> No.39408492

It'd be out of place if the Purple Penguin wasn't there if you ask me.

>> No.39408681
File: 148 KB, 665x442, London Bridge 1616.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Anon notes that that is a well cool map (I'm thinking of reverse searching and saving), but wonder's why you are based in Cutler's Hall?

Because it's convenient to Newgate?

Does pic related (any year) fall down?

>> No.39408791


So Cutler's Hall is where we are. We are on the roof with the Privy Council, they'll shortly be going up to St Paul's Cathedral to observe, and attempt to co-ordinate, but for now here we are.

We can see fire streaking through the sky. Below us London waits, five pillars of light fall, the bard mounts the gable and stands, silhouetted against the dusk sky. It's picturesque, beautiful in it's finality as the end begins. We can hear the thunder as the ships pass over and around us. Creating a microclimate over London, disturbing the air, it starts to rain again. Heavily.

The Bard plays the most fitting song he can:

I want to tell you it was this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAGnKpE4NCI as doom falls toward our world. As we prepare each in our own way to great our ends. Cruella talking to Excalibur, the Navvie finishing one bottle of beer after another, Angus wistfully thinking of camels, the Wizard nervously playing with his wedding ring. My hand finds Cruella's and the Bard plays on.

He fucked it up however and it was:


>Why Cutler's hall?

Around the time this all took place, me as in player me, had two very important interviews, one in Cutler's hall and the other over at the Inns of Court.

>> No.39408822
File: 712 KB, 2487x1776, plate1r (1).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Here's the original by the way anon.

>> No.39408945

back shortly, tasks must be completed apparently.

>> No.39409002
File: 421 KB, 1280x886, Landship before drop.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


I hope you know you've inspired me a bit, being older and professional, and having had such an awesome game.

Though this might just be the King Goblin talking

>> No.39409208

Nah I'm just an oldfag really. Though it turns out you really do level up as life goes on.

At least that's what I tell myself...

No relation to anything in the thread but I can't believe this song hasn't made it in here yet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfemABbfSpA

Reports of landings start coming in, the final alien ship is still just a light in the sky, slowly, steadily, growing brighter.

We can see flames in the distance, somewhere out at the horizon the final battle has already begun, men are dying, and all just to keep the Martians at bay. The DM waxes lyrical on this, thousands, hundreds of thousands of lives will be lost tonight and it all rests on our actions, yet somewhere out there are men and women to whom their lives are just as important, cowering in holes, dying in ways too horrible to even imagine, and yet, holding the line.

He gives us a series of vignettes to really hammer it home.

>> No.39409328

Yep, that's what we've come to expect from the bard.

>> No.39409428


>Near Epsom,

Hundreds of refugees watch as the ship comes down, ignoring the warnings to stay down, a couple hundred are lasered from belt to forehead as a beam sweeps across the camp. The black smoke rolls over them, and without masks, the rest choke and die. The Landcruiser brigade (1st Super-Heavy Sheffield's Own) roll over the corpses, crushing scenes of horror, a mother cradling a choking baby, falling as she tries to hold her above the smoke, turned to paste under the tracks of ABL1.

> Sunbury on Thames
Automatons but aside refugees as they press around the royal motorcade, then suddenly, each and every one looks at the sky. Following the trail of fire. Silently marching into the distance, towards the the thin red line of infantry and on toward the martians.

The motorcade is sacked by panicked citizens, the few remaining human guards open fire on the crowd.

The king is killed in the crush of bodies as he hides beneath his limousine.

> Watford

Men of Harlech is sung by ten thousand throats out across the fields of England. The flower of Wales stands proud as the ship comes down.

King Rorke and his men engage Martian fighting machines without even a hope of damaging them. A centaur charge equal to the (fictional engagement of) Polish Lancers charging Panzers. They die in their hundreds, far from the valleys, sheep and daffodils of Wales, each and every soul acquired by the cultists, whom themselves are slaughtered. The sod and earth is rent asunder as Pendragon rises.

>> No.39409441


Naval bombardment from north of Dartford takes the ship down as she lands. Huge holes rent in its side, it crashes on it's side, wiping out refugee and martian alike as it falls, the ship vents fuel and flame across the landscape, creating a firestorm that makes the country around melt, hot enough to glass the area.



Ghurkhas stand in serried ranks. Landcruisers still showing massive battle damage wait amongst them. Someone has fucked up, the ship is coming down not where they expected, it's coming down atop them. The panic means the force is in disarray when the landing comes. The Landcruisers signal one last time.


and charge straight for the ship, suicidally ramming their way into the crater, causing as much damage as they can.

>> No.39409484

The man, or something more supernatural?

>> No.39409487

Better than Warhammer End Times.

>> No.39409521


We weren't there to witness it, but think Al'Duin or however you spell it from the Elder Scrolls. As in giant dragon battling fighting machines over a field of corpses.

>Fuck me that's metal.

>> No.39409555

Way to go Orpington.

>> No.39409654

Now anons I am about to condense an evening's drinking into the next 45 minutes. I will be around for Q&A or whatever but may cease posting storytime for the evening.

>> No.39409657

Fuck yeah it is.

Pendragon can be a dragon. that's cool

>> No.39409765

What isn't?

what did you say happened to this group/setting after this campaign? (other than Cruella)

Also, what are you drinking?

>> No.39409831

Well I've sort of planned doing a little epilogue to this thread/adventure, so you'll get a little story about how things ended.

I'm agreeing with this, though that might just be my grognard.

Balvenie 12 yr.

>> No.39410141

I knew my winamp playlist of ridiculously cheesy power metal would come in useful some day. Compliments this quite nicely.

>> No.39410179

if it's any help, I tend to listen to country when I'm drinking.


>> No.39410229

Nah, for big, 'epic' god I hate what that word has become, but it fits battles, I needs me some Rhapsody.


>> No.39410265

Hey that's not bad, it sounds weirdly like videogame music, and yet also good.

>> No.39410299
File: 76 KB, 580x672, army-recruiter-you-mean-travel-agent-overly-manly-man-580x672.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Although it never made it into these threads, this song has always been on the radar.

>N.b. I'm actually allergic to vodka, makes me very very fighty.

>> No.39410460

of course it helps if I actually post the song....


>> No.39410484

I imagine if the party had ever visited Russia, this would never have stopped playing.

>> No.39410531


Ok I'm a bit drunk. Tell you all an anecdote?

>4chan is not my blog. Therefore if anon requests I will tell story quickly, if not, I am a faggot and should kill myself.

>> No.39410554

(anecdote pertains to Russia)

>> No.39410568

> implying the rest of us have anything better to do.

>> No.39410626

Moar storytiem!

>> No.39410734


Anon has a point and I'm not quite drunk yet.

>Meet father for first time in 22 years.

>He's remarried, Russian wife.

>She speaks perfect english.

>GF wants to meet him with me. Ok.

Meet at his house. Go into kitchen. Wife gives me a whisky (it's 10 am) Dad is drinking vodka.




>Wife is so good. Excellent. BABUSHKA!!!1!

Who the fuck is...

in comes all of about 3'11 of tiny little Russian granny. She has sharp eyes like ice in a glass of vodka.

She takes a draw on her machorka (Russian for cigarette)

She approaches. I am a fairly big bloke. 6'0, rugby build, 220 lbs of angry.

She gets a chair. She stands on chair.

Bear in mind I'm meeting papa for the first time. So I'm like yes yes this is normal.

She checks my teeth

>Wrrrbbble burrble (Russian Gibberish)

Wife translates

Babushka she says (in her thick Russian bond villainess accent) you are having good teeth.

She feels my bicep, pats my bicep, strokes my chest. She finishes the vodka and takes another long drag (she's 83)

>Wrrrbbble burrble (Russian Gibberish)


I flex, she grabs my "area"

>Wrrrbbble burrble (Russian Gibberish)


GF is dying of laughter, little tiny babushka hops off her chair, shuffles over to her and pokes her in the belly.

>Wrrrbbble burrble (Russian Gibberish)



>> No.39410775
File: 10 KB, 360x252, laughing_seal.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Forgot pic and yes, area means my codpiece.

>> No.39410812

Based Russian Granny.

>> No.39410954

GF in this story is the same as in the above posts, i.e. cruella.


and yes, Dad might be deid, but Babushka remains alive and kicking, Was in the KGB apparently.

>> No.39410981

Just curious, there are about 15 odd anons that post regularly, where are all the anons?

>> No.39411093

Geographically I mean.

>> No.39411137

York, which makes me a dwarf if I remember correctly

Although technically I'm originally from just outside Yorkshire, I don't suppose County Durham is of any particular significance in Britbongsteros?

>> No.39411183

yes you are, and I'm afraid you're a fairly standard axe bearing, hole digging, beer swilling one at that.

>> No.39411222

Eh, suits me. Better that than some namby-pamby Southern fairy (literally)

>> No.39411241

hahah it took ten threads before someone explicitly mentioned that. Yes this is why there were faeries.

>> No.39411351

Memphis, TN, USA
Birthplace of Rock n' Roll, Home of the Blues

>> No.39411379

Also, you said that the fat American was a New York thing IIRC. What would Southeast USA be like?

>> No.39411426
File: 197 KB, 1200x691, Bubba-Ho-Tep.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Well Atlanta was mostly underwater with the voodoo dolphins, but if we do Memphis Britbongsteros style it's going to involve elvis.

>> No.39411500

Yorkanon here, it just occurred to me, what's Lancashire like in this world? It's good to know how the old enemy are doing.

>> No.39411525

Dwarves who inexplicably hate you and everything you stand for, but if anyone ever puts a foot wrong in dwarf-yorkshire, will be at their throat offering to bash their face in for you.

>> No.39411569

That is EXACTLY what I wanted to hear.

>> No.39411619

I kinda wish I had a pint of conqueror to raise to that.

>> No.39411687


So that means island hurricane wizards, giant gators, and probably evil giant blood sucking insects, which we already have in abundance and now I hear they are genetically modifying them.

I expect they will mutate and backfire spectacularly like in horror/sci-fi B-Movies.

>> No.39411756

Bit like Australia or Nepal, no need to britbongsteros it.

>> No.39411852

It's also slowly getting infested with giant snakes.

I imagine Disney in britbongsteros would either be a cult or an actual magical kingdom that either sells joy like a drug or candy after an elaborate extraction process.

>> No.39411930

switzerland here.
not sure if that came up in the setting

>> No.39412174

NZ here so I guess I'm some sort of heavily tattooed hobbit?

>> No.39412214
File: 70 KB, 555x305, moa_2011.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39412250
File: 281 KB, 468x459, haasts-eagle-swooping.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

So long as I get to ride an eagle I'm happy

>> No.39412276

don't let Angus hear you say that.

>> No.39412282

I think it was.

I remember it being said to be the same as in real life and because of that, they were still excellent for banks.
They also patrol their boarders to keep out magical stuff.

I think even more was mentioned.

The setting section on the 1d4chan page could really use some more editing and polishing, but that's just kind of beyond me.

>> No.39413383

Alaska anon here....is Alaska even a thing in Britbongsteros? We still Russian?

>> No.39413414

I wonder if that makes the Eskimos polar bear people.

>> No.39416407

Bumping from page 10.

>> No.39416827


>> No.39416949


>> No.39416999

Sweden... which is apparently deserted due to Ragnarök

>> No.39419445

Good afternoon anons. Posting to continue at some point this afternoon (I'll try for about 16:00).

>> No.39420242
File: 506 KB, 720x900, Steampunk Penguin Professor by Lalilulelo2003.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Loyal subject of King Quixote, reporting! And Bumping! With a Penguin! In Armour! Too Much Coffee! Whoooo!!!

>> No.39420970

Morning bump.

>> No.39421145


So I'm an orc aren't I

>> No.39421205

Midwestfag here. So probably the fatest of the fat in Britbongsteros' America

>> No.39421597

Hello anons I'm not sure if I'm going to get a chance to do a long posting session today. If I can get half an hour before going out I will, if not I will be back tomorrow and will make a new thread/continue this one.

>> No.39421711

I'm from Québec, but I don't think it was mentioned in the story, or Canada for that matter.

>> No.39423470
File: 46 KB, 336x425, The King of Memphis.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

bump with the King of Memphis

>> No.39423780
File: 710 KB, 1638x1200, 2000 AD_0158_01-02.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>bump with the King of Memphis

Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro! Faro!

>> No.39425284 [SPOILER] 
File: 214 KB, 2500x2500, 1429387375148.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Bump with music for muderizing Martians with extreme prejudice:


>> No.39426745

Is that for stomping Martian balls?

>> No.39427354
File: 152 KB, 550x845, vol2-6_polka.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


More like munchin', chewin', gulpin', devourin', and so...

>> No.39427618

Damn those comics were delightfully fucked up

>> No.39428051

What is this from?

>> No.39428979


>> No.39430601

I'm bumping it.

>> No.39433600

And I'm bumping it again.

I wonder if the birds will eat the Martian corpses just as they did the Cthulhu corpses.

>> No.39436649


>> No.39438716

Bump before bed.

>> No.39441967

Bumpitty bump

>> No.39442368


>> No.39443327
File: 67 KB, 400x320, Chill-Bear14.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Easy. I'm a big hairy fella with a deep voice and claws and I tend to sleep 5 months at a time. Rawr.

>> No.39443340

and just now I notice the watermark which I wanted to shoop out.

so apparently I am also "just cute"

not sure if want

>> No.39443989

that's ok Germ-anon we knew you were already.

Also projected ETA is about 20:00 which given I've been about an hour or so late every time I say that, maybe check in about 21:00.

>> No.39445632 [DELETED] 

It's just gone 7 bong

>> No.39445686

It's just gone 7 bong


>> No.39447602


>> No.39447981

Hello anon. Posting commencing shortly.

>> No.39448003

It's me by the way.

>> No.39448202
File: 38 KB, 508x339, dec_21_1970.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Canada IIRC was all about Wendigos and general logging camp style critters, obviously the border between the USA and Canada is a lot more fluid in britbongsteros.

I'll doodle a map of North America shortly.

If I were to set another adventure in Britbongsteros, it would be about the King of Memphis. Bubba Ho-Tep is a movie that could so easily set in this world (if a bit too far in the future).

This is awesome. Well met Quixotian.

Yes indeed, there's quite a lot of weird going on up there though.

Quite likely.

A hellish place from what I recall posting about it.

Reasonably sane as Britbongsteros goes.

Yes you are.

Actually you're either an Indian (with all the strange that involves) or cowboy. The Indian nations of Britbongsteros are very strong, so if you are a cowboy, you're probably tough as nails.

As far as magic went, America is broken up into lots of states (sort of) each with it's own magic micro-climate, meaning if you play by the magical rules (i.e. be a cowboy in cowboy land) you're gonna be fine.

>> No.39448336
File: 796 KB, 1600x1260, 1803northamericabg.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39448448

>Switzerland (Here's what I posted last time, slightly amended)

The place is already Britbongsteros enough. The Swiss are heavily armed, sit on huge piles of money and wired the entire country for demolition. I really cannot Britbongsteros that.

The Swiss have remained solidly out of the affairs of Britbongsteros, remaining normal, painfully so.

Actually now I think back on it, it is this normalcy which is their greatest strength, they have no hell portals, weird dragons or any other shit. This is why they're trusted by Europe as bankers.

They are also fiercly independent and want to keep the lunacy of the rest of Europe out, they patrol the mountain passes, slaughtering ANYTHING remotely non human. Their mercenaries are famed throughout Europe for their proficiency in taking down magical entities, making them highly sought after.

Also they make quite good chocolate.The Belgians of course disagree, saying they make the best beer and chocolate.

Each year the Belgian dragons send one young (human sized) dragon to compete against the Swiss champion chocolatier in unarmed combat.

They send the same dragon to fight the German BrewMeister as the Germans claim they make the best beer.

No Belgian has beaten both in one year. It is said that should a Belgian beat both. Europe shall tremble.

>> No.39448691

Now I want to see a big foot fight or ride a dragon.

>> No.39448740
File: 80 KB, 595x412, opus_final.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

And before long...
These Bloom County OP's make me happy every time I see them.

>> No.39448790
File: 29 KB, 500x339, bloom-county-underwear.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


I'm with you there, best comic strip.

>> No.39449015
File: 777 KB, 242x372, u wot m8.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>the Germans claim they make the best beer

>> No.39449093

Czech Republic is both biggest and best producer. It just that most of the stuff is for domestic consumption, so you don't really see any of it exported.

>> No.39449168
File: 30 KB, 640x480, S2z46.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>We continue.

The Privy council wish us well, they know we're not expected to survive, they know this is the end, and their best wishes seem hollow. We all share a nip from Angus's hip flask and head out. Antgyros occasionally mutters from the Navvies back pack.

We have a job to do. Near Waterloo station the diversionary attacks begin to meet resistance, we watch from near the Thames, in Inner Temple Gardens as the sky line lights up, we can hear gun fire, the destroyers move up the river, engaging fighting machines.

Our faces blackened, we head down to the river, crossing it with the aid of a rowing boat in the wake of the ships and landing in Park Henrietta. We try our hardest to be stealthy. There don't seem to be any Martians about, the streets are empty. We sneak and tacticool our way toward the ship.

There's a crater similar to the last one, and as we make our way toward it, rain beats on the cobblestones. We move through smoke, wiping the eye pieces of our gasmasks as soot builds up on them.

As we climb the crater wall, it suddenly stops. It's still raining heavily a meter behind us, but in the crater it isn't at all.

There's something powerful here, it doesn't know we're here yet but we're going to make sure, one way or another, it wishes we hadn't come.

>> No.39449175


Not the gnomes of Zurich? For shame!

>> No.39449209


I apologise for slowpoking, but is Antgyros basically just Bob the Skull from the Dresden Files?

>> No.39449312
File: 40 KB, 249x198, td11.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Now that I think about it, yes, though I always imagined him as being like (pic related) or the belt from that empowered comic.

>> No.39449344
File: 38 KB, 400x254, Empowered-Aroused.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Google calls it "the caged demonwolf" (pic related again).

>> No.39449437
File: 29 KB, 220x286, 220px-Bloomcountybabylon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


The Martians are pouring out of the ship, but heading southwards, sneaking onto the hull from the North we are unobserved.

It seems a bit bigger than the last one, but aside from that, much the same. We decide the best thing to do is get in, kill the king (to make sure the fucker is dead, we don't know what kind of mental powers/shields/weirdness he has) and then plant the Wunderwaffe and bug out.

We try to stay out of sight and generally sneak, it doesn't take us long to find a hatch.

We don't knock, the Navvie simply bashes it in with several hammer blows. We drop down into the darkness below.

>> No.39449521
File: 18 KB, 255x198, images (2).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

The interior of the ship is much like the other Martian ships we have been aboard. Lots of fluid biological looking curves and general alien-ness.

It's darker than we expected. There's also a feeling to the place, something that sets your teeth on edge, imagine running a piece of sandpaper over your teeth, that feeling, but deep in your skull.

The whole place feels alien (of course it does it's an alien spaceship) but I use the term as nothing seems quite right in here, as though a circle has 362 degrees,

The wizard helpfully adds "This isn't magic, but there's a very powerful psychic emanation here. Be very careful."

>> No.39449575




>Shut up!

The Navvie closes his rucksack and holds Antgyros to his chest

(slightly muffled now) I DEMAND YOUR ATTENTION



>Really? We'd never have guessed. Thanks Antgyros.
Nothing seems to have heard him (even if he does have no inside voice) so we begin to sneak into the ship.

>> No.39449621

So how does he know it's psychic?

Did he pick up on that after all the other alien encounters or did some new words come to light thanks to Antgyros?

>> No.39449713
File: 33 KB, 324x324, ahead_warp_zillion_puzzle-r7305cb56797d47108e980e86221f3345_ambn9_8byvr_324.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

We move through corridors that are dimly lit, we take a wrong turning and move into a fighting machine assemlby area, I nearly lose (another) limb to a robot arm as it sweeps a piece of chassis into place.

We move into what we can only assume is a Martian nursery, tiny martians are hatched from eggs and placed into some sort of gel, the drones seemingly maturing before our eyes.

Unhelpfully some of the mature drones spot us.

Magic was the word we used to denote the stuff we understood as ... well, magic, the Martians weren't magic, but they were (or certain castes anyway) able to do psychic stuff, so the two words were used to differentiate them.

>> No.39449768


I should really go into a bit more detail on the nursery,

There are large numbers of eggs in some sort of fluid, if you think bee hive you're not far off, the larvae within hatch and are then placed by drones into the gel, and start growing. Fast.

It's literally an assembly line for Martians.

However, Angus has a flamethrower.

>> No.39449874
File: 16 KB, 323x288, kill-it-with-fire.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Of course we never thought to ask where all these eggs were coming from...

As soon as we start torching things, we hear a rumble, as drone and egg alike start to cook off (they smell a lot like crab by the way) we hear a rumble, something very big starts moving in the fluid.

The queen (or at least that's what we think it is) breaks the surface and flops onto land.

She is enormous, beetle like, and very very very pissed off with us. (though, from her perspective we did just kick the door in and start torching her babies).

>> No.39450032

They're already confirmed for not having souls.

I'd call them murder machines, but that'd be an insult to AR4's memory.

>> No.39450113
File: 86 KB, 550x414, gammasquadmoth1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


We realise all hope of stealth is gone, her razor sharp tentacles lash out, scything into the decking, she's fast and she's furious. She charges at us, we do our best to light her up,

The Navvie swings at her, taking a tentacle through the shoulder even as he stoves in her carapace. Blood spatters the deck as he's flung aside. Bones break as he hits the wall.

The bard does his best to dodge as he plays (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqFoqtpUFY8).

The wizard tries to sever the tentacles with a whizzing saw blade, cruella does the same with excalibur.

Angus just starts burning everything. Meanwhile I aim for what I can only assume are eyes.

She isn't slowing down.

>> No.39450154

by the way that's a brahmin moth caterpillar and it's not as evil as it looks. It does however look fucking horrifying.

The Navvie coughs blood and does his best to stand. A severed tentacle falls at my feet among the shell casings. Cruella ducks and dives, rolling and swinging that sword. Angus walks straight at her, torching her flames her carapace starting to glow red.

The Wizard sends a harpoon straight through her thorax

Just about the time he takes a tentacle through the gut.

>> No.39450194

The queen goes down with a huge thud, her carapace rent asunder. Angus keeps on playing flames across her. Antgyros can be vaguely heard expressing his pleasure.

The wizard falls as well. We rush to him, the convulsions of the Queen's body drive the tentacle through him, he's impaled quite impressively.

He's still alive, and screaming.

>> No.39450288


The bard is the most medically skilled. He does his best to stop the bleeding. The wizard grits his teeth. Angus pours whisky down his throat.

Cruella severs the tentacle. It's at least a foot around.

It missed his spine but it's wrecked his abdomen. He shouldn't be alive.

He coughs, blood running from the corner of his mouth.

The wound is fatal, but he isn't dead yet. He's going into shock.

His eyes close.

The bard simply balls up bandages and places them in the wound, trying to stem the blood loss.

The wizard isn't going to last long. His eyes snap open.

>Fucking martians. Take me with you. I can still take some with me.

The Navvie carries him, using his hammer as a walking stick.

The wizard's blood soaks into the Navvie's shirt.

He's using his own magic to try to knit himself back together, to last longer, steel replacing flesh.

The DM makes it clear it won't keep him alive much longer.

>> No.39450371

Looks like it's beginning.

>> No.39450373

We push on. We've survived this long but the DM's words about death being a near certainty come back to us.

The aliens know we're here now, we meet small groups and then larger groups, they don't serve as more than a hindrance, slowing us down.

I see movement on my right as we move down a corridor. I don't ask questions, but put a burst down the corridor.

There's nothing there. I distinctly saw something, but there's no blood, no bodies.

It happens again.

We expect knocking (shave and hair cut) but there's nothing.

The wizard can't sense anything (but then again he's fucked and slipping and out of consciousness)

We move onwards. Starting at shadows, engaging phantoms.

>> No.39450523


The darkness shifts around us, we have to be getting close to the king if this is happening, we are definitely starting to see things.

Angus looks right at me, his eyes go wide, MARTIAN!

He brings his flamethrower up.

Cruella clubs him with the pommel of her sword just before he toasts me.

Angus shakes his head. Rubs at the bleeding mark on his scalp. He reaches for his hip flask and necks the contents. He tosses it aside and does the same with a second one.


It's about then that one of the shades proves it isn't just a phantom.

The darkness solidies and a blade sweeps out of. Cruella just dodges it, Angus takes it in the thigh. He grabs the creature, pulling it to himself.

We can't see what he's holding onto but Cruella decpatitates it.

>Ha! you weren't expecting that were you you fuck?

Angus self medicates with more whisky as the bard knots a tourniquet about his thigh.

We're wise to the shadows now, more attack but we club them down without injury.

We come finally to a very large set of blood red doors. Low lighting pulses. The whole area screams boss fight.

>> No.39450624


We expect royal guards, something, but looking around, we're alone.

We examine the doors. We look at one another.

>Well this is it, it's been quite a ride. Let's do what we do best.

We kick in the doors.



>> No.39450743

Anticipation is mounting.

>> No.39450924


The chamber is enormous, a cavern that feels like a football stadium. The high vaulted ceiling can barely be seen, the walls are strewn with bizarre and outlandish trophies and art work. At the centre of the room, is a very small cushion. On it, sits the King.

The king, doesn't seem to be quite what we expected.

From the size of the queen, we were expecting something enormous. We were expecting something truly terrifying.

The thing in the centre of the room is about the size of a case of beer. He doesn't seem to be doing much.

His escort however, are pretty impressive. They're each the size of what we assume was the queen. The DM called them Praetorians and I guess that's what they were.

The king looks on as the Praetorians rush us.

I reach into a pouch, figuring "fuck it why not" and toss the relics that John Borrison gave us at one of them.

There's a very very loud bang, a blinding white light, as though a flashbang had gone off in front of my nose.

The first thing we hear as the ringing stops?


>> No.39451072
File: 20 KB, 300x188, 1424134394586.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

king kong has been summoned to fight martians, my life is complete

>> No.39451074

This is gonna be good.

>> No.39451171

Babi gives us a wave and then turns to the Praetorians.

We run after him.


Babi is enormous, but so are the Praetorians, he punches straight into the carapace of one as the others swarm him.

We do our best to help as they whip tentacles at him. Rents cut across the great ape's flesh.

His hand falls onto the deck (nearly squashing Angus) he screams. The wizard wakes up.

Putting all of his effort into one last spell, Babi's stump slowly caps itself, a blade growing from it.


The first Praetorian falls, then a second.

Babi is missing more bits. He grabs the third, slams it into the deck. It dies with a very impressive squelch.

He bearhugs the last, they wrestle. He's headbutting it as it eats his face, they fall together. Rolling across the deck and through into, then through the side of the hull.

The Martians outside, that aren't crushed, begin to swarm in through the hole.

The wizard coughs, and does his best to seal up the gap. He expires leaving a man sized hole. Through which martians pour.

Angus makes his way to the hole. Flames beating Martians back.

The Navvie drops the lifeless body of the wizard on the deck.

The King stops meditating or whatever he was doing.

There's a reek of ozone as he stands. The chamber seems to grow darker.

>> No.39451335
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We approach the king as Angus merrily burns Martians.

The King looks at us properly for the first time.

He has the air of a man who has been disturbed in the middle of a sandwich. (ok he's not a man but you get the idea).

The Navvie sizes him up, standing perhaps a dozen feet from one another.

The two creatures, of entirely different lives, planets and minds, sense in one another a similarity, a passion, differing ideals, perhaps but they watch one another closely.

They stare at one another.

The Navvie's eyes start to roll back into his head.

He shakes his head.

>Oi. Fuck you.

>> No.39451405

Seeing his attempt at (what we assume was) mind control has failed, the King raises all four of his arms wide, around each limb fire starts to glow, the Navvie runs at him and swings his hammer down.

It rebounds off the King, stopped by his shield. The Navvie keeps swinging even as his feet leave the ground.

The rest of us are not idle. Cruella raises excalibur high and swings for the little bastard. I open fire, and the bard does the usual bard stuff.

Meanwhile, Angus is laughing as he torches another martian, then the flamethrower runs dry.

>> No.39451441

The Martians swarm Angus, a dozen clawing through the hull at once, he doesn't even bother trying to change the cannister. He sticks his knife into it as they reach him and the thing goes off like a bomb.

His last words?


(OOC: What? Angus who the fuck is Petunia?
>It's what I named the camel).

>> No.39451609

He must've really loved that camel.

>> No.39451673


With Angus down, the Martians begin to swarm in, the Bard does his best to hold them off, piping for all he's worth (remember his music can actually pop heads somehow)

But they're still getting through.


He plays on. Standing resolute as they rush him.

Meanwhile the Navvie is floating in mid air.

Cruella whacks the King with the sword, it pierces his shield. The King drops the Navvie (and Antgyros bounces from his rucksack)

Cruella is now the sole focus of the King's attention, he throws fire balls around the place as we do our best to attack him. Meanwhile Cruella's eyes go blank, as he slowly, surely, devours her mind.

Blood pours from her nose as she falls to her knees.

The Navvie picks up Excalibur and drives it through the King's chest.

Fire shoots down the sword, burning up the Navvie's arm. He screams as he burns.




I turn the shotgun on Antgyros, shot eating away at the lead. The King is distracted by slowly roasting the Navvie who is reach for the wunderwaffe.

I stick my hand into Antgyros's shell, the red goo within sweeps up my arm. Eating into my flesh as I become something more and less than human.

His presence joins me in my mind as I sweep new limbs forward toward the king.

I become amorphous, Antgyros wrestle me for control, but I hold him off. He becomes subservient to me. The King is horrified as I begin to absorb him.

I see the Navvie tear the timer away from the weapon even as the flesh melts from his fingers.


There's a second or two before it detonates, enough time for me to sweep Cruella's unconscious body into my own, protecting her from the nuclear fireball that consumes all.

>> No.39451693

There's not much more to tell now.

When the Landcruisers pushed through into the crater, caring not for the fallout, they found what I had become bound tightly around Cruella.

She's not herself now, there's nothing left of her, her mind is like that of a child, but she has learnt to trust me, she is the only one who cares for me, I remain bound, contained with her, deep below London, where the Privy Council imprisoned both of us to keep the world safe from the mix of man and monster I had become. They cannot trust that I will forever hold Antgyros in check, nor can they destroy me.

We have our comforts, I have my books, she has her dogs, and above the fire, on the mantlepiece, sits a small, stuffed toy.

>> No.39451714

And that anons, was Britbongsteros.

>> No.39451788
File: 22 KB, 400x280, 51b00f57afa96f5ae9000005.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

It's been a lot of fun. I hope you've all enjoyed, I know I'm not much of a writer but that's all thereis to tell.

>> No.39451887

And what a ride it was. Thanks for sharing.

>> No.39451904

It was a lot of fun Aldous. Thanks for telling the story.

>> No.39451937

Thanks for sharing, t'was awesome

>> No.39451959

Bit of a somber ending, but at least all those Martian fucks are dead.

Good read.

>> No.39452237

You're welcome anons.

Yes it was rather, but as previously mentioned, the DM hates everything anyone has ever loved.

>> No.39452375

I'll be up and around for another hour or so if anon has any questions.

>> No.39452471

I started following this halfway through, and I have to say, my complements to the DM. He created a world that is better than anything I've ever made while running any type of RPG. I'm a sucker for good worldbuilding, and regardless of how much he crushed your souls, he did a good job of it.

Also, I wouldn't put yourself down as a writer, you did a really good job of conveying the story in an entertaining way.

>> No.39452527

This was brought up before, actually.

It turned out Aldous was behind much of the setting, or at least as much of it as the DM was.

>> No.39452664

Thank you (I still typo everywhere - normally because I'm tired when doing Britbongsteros)

The DM is pure evil, but a great guy, and very good at what he does.

Anon is correct, the way we did it was I'd tell the DM about things that interested me, then explain to him how it might fit, then he'd adventurize it.

A lot of the humour in the setting was his though

>> No.39453052

Well I'm busy getting The War of the Worlds on the wiki page.

Once that's done, the story will be all up on there and then all that's left to do is fix up the settings part (which I hope someone else might do) and get an archive line of this thread to add to the list.

I'm fixing those typos whenever I see them.

This would be easier if the spellchecker wouldn't go off on every "colour, favour, armour" and so on.

>> No.39453216

Ha! Apologies for my Britsh setting everything off anon. Also cheers for catching those typos.

>> No.39454768

And it is added.

That's the whole story on one page, maybe you'll give it a look over and see if there's anything you want to change for future readers.

>> No.39455077

Now that the setting part is as good as I'm able to get it, all that's left is to what for that drawfag to get his new equipment.

>> No.39456197

You foreshadowed this near the end of the Ireland story.

>> No.39457047

Arse. I've forgotten half my ending. I'll go back to sleep now but will try and flesh out some more of what happened with a fallout style end sequence.

>> No.39457098

Yes I did. I had thought about cushioning the blow a bit but oh well.


As always wiki anon you remain a scholar and a gentleman

>> No.39457294

Looks like my work isn't over yet since you still have some more story to tell.

>> No.39459040

Seeing as there's still more to be told, I'll give this a bump before bed.

>> No.39462025


>> No.39464366

Morning bump.

>> No.39465040

> Epilogue

If I have missed a character or forgotten someone. Tell me.

>John Borrison
Was knighted shortly afterwards by the Privy Council. Ran an extremely successful business (Sir Honest John's Imports and Exports) which created stronger links with the continent through trade in entirely legal goods.

>The Privy Council

With the death of King Algie and no clear line of succession, the Privy Council seized power, Blackadder is king in all but name after Richard III suffered a fatal accident during a haircut.


Dead as far as we know. No corpse was found in the crater, but then again a nuke had gone off near him.

>The German expeditionary force

What survived the conflict was politely escorted back to Germany where they were hailed as heroes. While it is hard to be certain, some fighting machines were found near Ipswich with parts missing, indicating the Germans may have succeeded in their goal of claiming martian technology.

>The Wizards Wife
Consumed by grief, she gave up her position within the clan and now runs an orhpanage for those orphaned by the invasion.

>Angus's Family
McAngus Sons & Assorted Animals is a thriving business and stud farm. The greengrocers shop has now opened several other outlets. The smiling face of a weird green bastard can be seen on the high street of many towns.

Fate unknown. Certainly no one has seen him, a series of enormous footprints were discovered leading into the sea.

>King Rorke
The welsh army were very nearly wiped out. King Rorke's body was never found. Tales of a large bullman roaming the country side and robbing from the rich to give to himself were never substantiated.

Discovered, totally unharmed, embedded in a wall just outside Inner Temple chuch. What happened to it after that is entirely another story.

>> No.39465146


The Arabs maintain home rule, they trade oil very happily, and the old Gods are starting to get back into the groove of things. The European powers are eyeing the country and it's resources. It is now a question of whether Arabia can develop fast enough before some decides to take the place by force.
Orrance is heavily involved in the program of modernisation, as santitation, education and infrastructure come to the lands of the Caliphate. Anubis has taken to wearing a top hat.

>The Landcruisers
In peace time, the Landcruisers each adopt a village or town as a fiefdom, they are instrumental in rebuilding the nation. Attempts by the Privy Council to use them as paramillitary force/death squad fail. The Landcruisers remain free and fiercely independent, and loyal to the nation and the nation only.

They have become a powerful political force for this reason. The one thing they cannot do...yet...is build more of themselves.

The process of refining magic oil is a success and Aberdeen becomes the energy capital of Europe. Rumours that a squadron of Landrcuisers have taken up residence in Peterculter (a tiny village just outside the place) and begun research into their creation have proven to be just that. Rumours.

>The Patrick Murderborg Moore Scholarship Foundation
Takes underprivilliged inner city kids and turns them into cyborgs. The Privy council got their death squads in the end.

>The Rest of the World
The great Russian Bears wake, and Germany begins to look eastward for lebensraum. Tensions brew in the east. The war weary west of Europe is beseeched by an American ambassador (some guy called Benny Franklin) for assistance with a hitherto unknown enemy.

Looks upon the earth and our teeming billions with envy. Biding their time. Mars will rise again.

>> No.39465155

In the world of Britbongsteros, on the 23rd of June, a purple badge is worn by citizens of the country. To comemorate those lost in the what came to be known as the Martian Wars.

>> No.39465389

oh and Drawfag, if you're still out there. I think you and I might want to have a chat.

>> No.39465715

As a newfriend, who was only here for the last few parts of the story I would like to ask: what is Eastern Europe like on Britbingsteros?

>> No.39466129

So how did your group feel about the end of your campaign and how their characters ended up?

>> No.39466143

If you check back in an hour or two I'll draw you a crude ms paint map as I did for our American friends.

Any bit you're particularly interested in Anon?

>> No.39466400
File: 669 KB, 1306x1012, Map_of_Europe_showing_Poland_and_Lithuania_(1561-1629).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39466427

Fucking Dracula, I'm surprised he didn't come up in this story. There was a vampire hunter and everything.

Also, updated the page again with the Epilogue.

>> No.39466522

if aldous ever gets out of his little pit, he has to go there

>> No.39466531

Great. My country is odd enough to be called strange in Britbongsteros...

>> No.39466666

At least you are not SLums

>> No.39466725

Yes apologies anon, I couldn't really find a way to explain the area briefly.

The greek gods left a good long while back and the region has never been the same since.

However there is a lot more to the area thant that.

>> No.39466799

Yaay, I'm a Dracula. What does that mean, exactly?

>> No.39466806

We are getting rather close to the 300 post mark, unless anon can think of a reason to start a new thread, I shall take a moment to say a very big thank you to all the anons for their bumps and interest.

>> No.39466900

Thank YOU for the wonderful storytiem. Will be strange not to have this to look forward to anymore. Was there ever a time where this was off the board for a whole week? I don't think so (at least not since I started following).

>> No.39466985

It's been a couple months since you started telling us this story, and I'm glad you did.

I'm still curious how everyone in your group felt about the ending you got though.

>> No.39467189

Well I suppose I haven't told you how the party met. Remember the story time didn't start at the beginning of the adventures.

Yes I think I started doing this in February or so.

Also apologies anon you have asked me this twice now. The group were quite aware we were all going to die (or at least cease to exist as we had been), but we saved the country (for now) and ended the Martian threat.

If we hadn't all known we were going to die, we'd have probably been a bit annoyed.

>> No.39467264

>Well I suppose I haven't told you how the party met. Remember the story time didn't start at the beginning of the adventures.
Oh.Right. You should really see to that. Call it a prequel, if you wish. Please?

>> No.39467313

Pretty please?
*making my cute face*

>> No.39467343

So it'd be a prologue?

>> No.39467403

I think prequel would be the correct term, a prologue is before the first chapter, while a prequel can be released after the "big stuff"

>> No.39467608

I'm thinking in terms of reading order for future readers and where it'd end up being on the wiki page if we do hear this story.

>> No.39467636

A prequel would indeed be cool.

I'd say those are famous last words, but it can be done well - think half of the Godfather II, not Episode I

>> No.39467685

Very well anons. Not tonight but at some point soon.

>> No.39467767


>> No.39468023

Alright, I'll keep an eye out for it.

We have already hit bump limit in this thread anyway.

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