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39150628 No.39150628 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Good afternoon /tg/.

I have been given the afternoon off. Therefore I shall continue with the penultimate story for you all.

As always refresher to follow for the new friends + some music.


>> No.39150639
File: 29 KB, 205x307, toyTitle.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>ITT nothing goes to plan. Many things explode. Musings on deathrays.

>Wut is Britbongsteros?
Britbongsteros is a setting my group made up and played in about four or five years back. The world is geographically the same and mixed with mythology and a healthy dose of pure fantasy.

/tg/ seems to enjoy hearing about it and many storytimes have occurred so far. They have been collected by one kind anon here:

if you are new you don't need to read all that. I'll give you a summary of the party and what's going on in the next posts.

As always bumps are appreciated, as are puns.

>> No.39150642
File: 1.30 MB, 1280x1876, inktober_2014__day_4___battle_penguin_by_drgrijando-d81lnpl.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

If anon has any questions please feel free to ask as we go, it may already have been covered or it may be new, just ask.

>the party
Throughout our adventures there were always at least five of us, and usually six. These are:

An orc from Dundee. Originally a greengrocer but also horrendously proficient with the flamethrower he carries. The flamethrower doubles as a thermic lance.

>the bard.
A human, wears a kilt, plays the bagpipes. Occasionally has great ideas. The DM uses his own taste in music for what the bard actually plays (so usually classic rock or country & western)

Essentially a Dark Eldar wych wearing more clothes. She is vicious and stealthy. Armed with two daggers and a sword that she talks to. Played by my then (and now again) GF. The latter fact occasionally becomes relevant which is why I mention it.

>The wizard
Not actually magic but can command metal (iron) and summon various sharp or pointy things. Including chainsaws.

>The Navvie (also called Burt)
A very large human with a hammer. He hits things with it. Has recently started to glow like a Union Jack when stuff happens. We don't know why at this stage.

Me. A dwarven knight. Wears full plate. Carries twin revolvers and a gatling shotgun. Smokes a pipe.

>the purple penguin.
a stuffed toy, moral compass of the group and suspected DM PC.

>> No.39150658
File: 291 KB, 1920x1080, 032-dr-strangelove-theredlist.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

What is currently going on?

We are in Ipswich which has been invaded by some bears who are expecting impending Martian invasion, we are trying to stop the wrong war starting before the right one does. We have been captured by pic related who as anon might expect, is completely and utterly bonkers.

>> No.39150777

So the party is taken away at gunpoint for MAD SCIENCE.

>Why didn't you escape from the highly visible HQ where all of the German forces were concentrated?

Well that's why.

Arriving in Herr Schiaraperelli's lab we are greeted by tesla coils, fizzing falcon tubes, a smell of frying eggs, *things* in jars, and he offers some boiled sweets.

The guards as he explains that this is his "travel" lab and we are really missing out on the interesting stuff, but at least there was space aboard the Brunmiggi II to bring ZE DEATH RAY


(it may be helpful to anon to watch that)

>> No.39150828

But that (zat?) is not why we're here, nein, we are here because he wants Angus for experimentation, and to this end he fills a syringe. Angus doesn't look terribly concerned.

>Zis ist mein ubermensch zerum

"Bring it on" says our favourite camel-lover.

(it's worth adding we have had our weapons taken off us and stored we think in the guardhouse - which by the by also appears to be doubling as a barracks).

>> No.39153186


>> No.39153203
File: 97 KB, 1210x667, Screenshot from 2015-04-05 18:13:54.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

The fuck do I live, fucking Narnia?


>> No.39154177

Oooh, Britbongsteros is back. I'll bump to that.

>> No.39154902


>> No.39157287
File: 44 KB, 800x480, Reich.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Bump, for mad science!

>> No.39157349

Well you may be in Narnia but the same thing is happening down here in Middle Earth

>> No.39158727

Easter holiday, huh?

>> No.39158786

>This video contains content from Fremantle International, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.

So that's what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that annoyance for once.

>> No.39158920

OK, I am going to assume that this is the same video.


>> No.39158949

Yes but not the whole thing.

>> No.39159127

That's the first bit, but then somebody mentions "military applications"...

>> No.39159706

eh goodnight
got to sleep
past midnight here

>> No.39161458

You'll have to find it then since I have no idea what to look for.

>> No.39162173

>using Opus in the OP
Surely, you are the truest of niggas.

>> No.39164407

I thought of this when I saw the newest Oglaf comic.

>> No.39165898


>> No.39168097

I will also bump.

>> No.39169531

I'll give it a bump before bed and hope for the best.

>> No.39169587
File: 427 KB, 499x562, Dank.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

As will I

>> No.39172711
File: 421 KB, 1280x886, Landship before drop.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Bump, for landships

>> No.39173712
File: 3.74 MB, 3000x1990, MDK-57(DN-ST-89-10315).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39174434

Morning bump.

>> No.39175821

Lunchtime bump.

>> No.39176741

Post-lunch shit break bump

>> No.39177656

Frozen pizza for dinner bump


>> No.39179474

Afternoon homework bump

>> No.39181387

almost midnight, no aldous tonight i fear


>> No.39182217

eh, bumpin anyways

>> No.39182523

Hello anons. As always OP is a massive faggot (don't start a thread before a couple days away with Cruella and then suddenly realise the place you are going haa no internet access)

I'm genuinely touched this thread is still here. Thank you anon

>> No.39182600

It's always funny that I've started learning which anon is which. Obviously there is Germ-anon (rawr) and time guy, >>39162173
Went to an international school when I was young, they had a full collection of Bloom County comics. I read the lot when I was eight. Then I turned into Steve Dallas.

Did everyone manage to find this video? (Mitchell and Webb, professor Death)

>> No.39182693
File: 1.01 MB, 500x375, OP is a fag.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

We're always here for you Aldous.

>> No.39182710

So Angus, being Angus, and not even tied up, accepts being stabbed in the arm with a novelty sized syringe. Angus gets this bizaare grin (as does his PC).

>DM what is this stuff?
Eet ist mein superzerum!
>yes but what does it do?

>> No.39182724

Only that part of the video, as other anons keep saying there's more to it than that.

>> No.39182767

OP is indeed an enormous faggot. Fuck that guy.

>Yes DM but what does it *do*

>zis vill make you stronger, ein Ubermensch!

>Party DM think about this!

>Angus: Oh yes!

Angus starts to grow. To hulk out...

>> No.39182836


Try typing the following into Google and selecting videos

>professor death mitchell and webb

You're looking for anything over three minutes

>> No.39182887


Angus is getting bigger. Not just ripped but fuek huege, eight feet, ten feet.

>Herr schiarparelli this death ray is it man portable?

>> No.39182907


Just the same blocked video and the one I found before trying to find out what the blocked video was.

>> No.39183677

So... this means Angus is now giant and probably naked.

>> No.39185720

He'll probably fuck the next dragon he encounters.

>> No.39187029


>> No.39190306

Oh no you don't!


>> No.39190818

And I'm gonna give this another nudge before bed.

>> No.39192354


>> No.39193404

Lunchtime bump.

>> No.39194695

Morning bump.

>> No.39195327

Bump from a Brugerlander who is actually eating a burger.

>> No.39195802

Gin and tonic in the sun bump.
Oh wait I'm me. Ok posting now.

Then it asks me to "select all "pub" from the images below" all I see is wine bar.

>> No.39195816

Giant yes. Naked no. Turns out he has hulk level clothing. Thank fuck for that.

>> No.39195857

>Thank fuck for that.

>> No.39195879


Angus flexes his enormously powerful hulk arms while Herr S. Enthusiastically babbles at a portable gramophone.

>Herr S. You really cannot be this stupid.

Nein mein Ubermensch. I'm not.

The taser Herr S. fires knocks Angus on his arse. The rest of the charge knocks him out.


He stands up and kicks Angus in the balls for good measure.

>DM: come on guys give me some credit...

>> No.39195896

Good point Archer anon.

>> No.39195977

Herr S. Looks quizically at us. He cocks his head to one side. He takes a box with flashy lights from his belt.

Zomethink is giffink powerful magical emanations. Ist not the fraulein...nor ze oaf...nor ze musician, ze wizard I know of...ze midget? zis child's toy? Was ist das? Ein Pinguin!?

At gun point he takes the purple penguin from my bandolier.

Und now to enter ze data into mein komputer (by the way Germanon I'm so sorry for what I'm doing to your language here).
Und then ve proceed to ze dissection
Herr S. Sits back down and wheels himself off.

Meanwhile the rest of the party begin to properly size up our situation. We have eight attentive and armed bears, five unarmed party members.

>> No.39196007

This is probably obligatory
Mein Führer! I can walk!: https://youtu.be/GiwKb-x7wXQ

>> No.39196993

Well, if they weren't gonna die before, they're gonna die now.

>> No.39198343

Post-late lunch bump.

>> No.39200137

Did the DM specify this?

>> No.39201091
File: 153 KB, 496x471, F5EIV23GUKAXKEY.LARGE.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I think we just took it as read it was a case of hulk pants.

>> No.39203173


>> No.39205285


>> No.39207038

Britbingsteros? More like BritBUMPsteros! Am I right?

>> No.39210530

almost midnight bump (EST)

>> No.39211458

Morning bump from ragnarök

>> No.39211730

It's Midnight in the godawful Midwest. Bampu.

>> No.39211804

Evening bump from Middle Earth

>> No.39213033

I'll bump this before bed.

>> No.39214525


>> No.39214619

> I'm so sorry for what I'm doing to your language here

Keep doing it, I'm having one laugh after the other.
btw Dr Strangelove one of my favourite movies ever, so...

1pm during boring lecture at university rawr

>> No.39216788

Sadly yes. Starting a new thread this week was, on my part, retarded.

>> No.39216942

However, as anon keeps it alive, I will continue posting when I can, such as now.

So, captive (wrist manacles) and at gun point, the DM makes us whisper to one another or our communications will be overheard.

The Wizard's player is actually bit deaf, so doesn't hear very much, only interjecting with the occasional "Fit?" (What?)

The rest of the party decides that Angus is out for the count (DM is having him roll to wake up every so often but he keeps failing).

We know the Herr S. is probably going to sense anything magical before it happens (flashy box).

The bears can see us whispering (the Wizard's occasional "Fit?!") doesn't help, so giving up on any semblance of plan, when the nearest bear goes to crack me over the back of the head with his rifle, some violence occurs.

Cruella gets her chains around his neck, the wizard has bears now dropped rifle levitating.

While this is going on, the Bard kicks one bear in the balls, and gets his rifle, and I (with a little jump and some mechanical arms) headbutt the other and then it's a Mexican standoff.

>> No.39216970

> Why are you being non-lethal?

I didn't make this very clear earlier, the DM had quite clearly told us that the more we fuck up the bears, the more we may suffer for it later. We decided to try our hardest not to kill anyone. So in effect, we are now murder hobos, without the murder. Hobos if you will.

>> No.39217045

Bear looks at man, dwarf looks at bear, (etc) we're rolling intimidation, then Herr S. sweeps back into the room, having clearly heard/detected something.

"Was ist los!?" Meine Meerschweinchen! Nein!"

>Realising that's all in German - "What is this, my guinea pigs, no!"

(Also "Meerschweinchen" is absolutely adorable as words go)


Angus wakes up and punches him in the side of the head (well taps really - again non lethal).

>> No.39217189
File: 147 KB, 550x340, qj516999f9.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Briefly dips out of thread for a minute while making a cup of tea.

Holy shit what is going on outside of this thread?

>Better get back to posting, it's dangerous out there.


With the Angus aided distraction, we subdue the rest of the bears and begin to take stock.

>Things we need to do:

1. Escape
2. Disable death ray - hopefully not permanently
3. Stop Britain declaring war (by driving several thousand tonnes of Landship through this place).

The bard has one of his ideas.

>Some dicerolls and a small argument later.

"Hey guys what's a wunderwaffe?"

>it's German for...DO NOT TOUCH THAT.

"Why does it sting or something?"

>> No.39217300

We decide to take one. The Navvie as the only party member who can be trusted not to set it off out of curiosity/fun/accident is entrusted with it

>> No.39217440

We decide to have a quick look out the door of the building - pic related.

>> No.39217449
File: 52 KB, 500x270, blues-brothers-1980-pic-5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

and of course, it eats the pic.

>> No.39217468

So with that outside and as the bears are...well bears... that rather rules out the traditional steal their clothes approach, as does the fact Angus is 12 feet of Orc.

It's diplomacy tiem

>> No.39217927

Gave him a little love tap, huh?

>> No.39218674

We don't call them guinea pigs, but Versuchskaninchen instead - that literally means "trial rabbit" - even if they were in fact literal guinea pigs.

Fun fact - if you use them to test the Wunderwaffe, then they are Wunderwaffenversuchskaninchen - and Angus is an Übermenschserumversuchskaninchen.

Anyway, for the sake of clarity, you, umm, borrowed a Wunderwaffe - but you have no idea what it does nor how to use it? (or is there a big red button somewhere which says Hier drücken zum Aktivieren der Weltvernichtungsbombe?)

>> No.39218741

and they say German isn't a beautiful language. I love this.

>> No.39218816

Ah, doomsday devices, where would we be without them?

>> No.39219028

This is making me think some of those made up words in cartoons that have your standard mad scientist type characters aren't actually made up at all.

>> No.39219121



>> No.39219435

That sounds much shorter than it looks.

>> No.39220315

it also sounds a lot more friendly than it looks.

>> No.39220879

>Diplomacy tiem

Cautiously we poke a white flag (made mostly from Herr S.'s labcoat) around the doorframe, that doesn't get shot, so we poke our heads round.

"Don't shoot, we have a doomsday device and are not afraid to use it!"

>"Do you know how to?"

>Wizard: "I'm rolling to bluff"


>"Alright what do you want?"

"Free passage out of here and a promise you will not use the death ray if we can stop the British forces attacking."

>"That seems reasonable"

Hmm that went better than expected. We nervously proceed out of the buidling, doomsday device in tow. We get most of the way out of town before someone remembers, aren't we forgetting someone?

Navvie, check,
Cruella, check,
Aldous, check,
Cruella, check,
Bard, check,
Angus, check.

No we're all here..

Aren't we?

Oh shit.

"Ok large group of angry well armed bears we're turning round!"

>> No.39220901

I'm bad at angry voices

>> No.39220920

The bears seem confused, but ok with it, it's getting dark by the time we have retrieved the extremely annoyed looking penguin, Herr S. laments the loss of his Wunderwaffe but kindly suggests that dropping it is a really bad idea (so at least we now know how to activate it)

When the bears realise what and why we went back, we're a laughing stock, if you've heard the chuckling of several thousand bears, it is not a nice thing.

Penguin in tow, we head off again. There's a very large star in the sky that no one recognises and some fainter ones too...

It seems we don't have long...

>> No.39221272

So was he going to turn the Purple Penguin into another Wunderwaffe?

>> No.39221537

ok, how? i mean if i'd ever see a ragtag team of murderhobos caring about a stuffed toy, or any serious looking adult for that matter, i'd say i would know better and not mess with them or the toy ._.

>> No.39222213

That seems to have been the plan.

Yes I think that is one lesson we can all learn from this. I think the purpose of the ridicule (or DMs) was for us forgetting him.

>> No.39222419

oh, fair point.

>> No.39223086

Now we have our real problem. Martians aren't far off and the pride of the British army is about to attack our next best hope in the morning. We book it back to our lines.

The DM punishes us for our stupidity when we hit the dirt as our own sentries fire on us (don't run around in war zones)

>> No.39223190

When we eventually convince them not to shoot us (for some reason we have also progressed to Lee Enfield rifles) we enter the camp. There are tents and the huge looming bulk of the landcruisers, if you (I hate this term) diesel-punked a bolo you're not far off. They glow a little with the light of magic, it appears the oil is already being used. The wizard detects a presence within them.

>> No.39223260

An additional note, Angus is slowly shrinking back to normal size

>> No.39223284

Did he manage to do anything really great while he was still 12ft tall?

>> No.39223374

Don't like the term in general, or just when it's turned into a verb?

>> No.39223645

Nothing terribly exciting (to be entirely honest we were rather pleased he was able to wear clothes again)

I hate the term for many reasons which it's probably best not to derail thread about. But cogfop, slapping steam anything in front of a word and generally using the term

>> No.39223748

We pause momentarily near the HMLS AR4 (it has "Arthur" painted next to this).


Oh fuck no. We made bolos

>> No.39223809

>Wut is a bolo?

>> No.39223893

I don't think invading Martians are a pre-loaded battle scenario, unless the Privy Council was really specific about doing the programming (or whatever takes the place of programming here).

>> No.39223985
File: 29 KB, 335x430, 1424878168947.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>magical diesel Bolos

>> No.39224131



(Wizard and I are huge bolo nuts so have gone all fangirl by this point, Cruella, Angus and bard continue to engage in conversation)

"What...are you?"



>> No.39224175

Our Ghurkha escort urge us onwards, we rather hope we might get to meet more BOLOs later (we do).

>> No.39224284
File: 55 KB, 576x256, 2003-12-18-032_old.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Oops missed you, they aren't but if I had to put a mark on these (intelligence wise) they're somewhere around a Mark XX crossed with pic related.

>Tfw when TSOALR is that old.

>> No.39224401

It's about as smart as a person?
Magic, it's a wonderful thing

TSOALR was pretty great

>> No.39224415

We are escorted to the command tent, we recognise Sir Clarkson-May, and Sir Hobart, along with Sir Stahig. In addition are two well know faces.

Sir Barnes Wallis (who is...wiki him, awesome read) and Sir Patrick ROBOT DEATH MACHINE Moore.

>> No.39224440

On a par with a person, with the personality of a knight in armour.

>> No.39224465 [DELETED] 
File: 580 KB, 1016x1281, Charley's War_0151.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

And just wait until you meet the driver...

>> No.39224505
File: 580 KB, 1016x1281, Charley's War_0151.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>twenty-six all told

And just wait until you meet the driver...

>> No.39224519

excuse me while I save this so I can use "it won't start" as a reaction pic.

>> No.39224654

Hmm what happened there?

With Sir Patrick Murderborg Moore this may make our task a little easier. We explain where things stand. He is particularly pleased to see Herr S.'s device.

>> No.39224750

Sir Patrick takes the device off us for safe keeping, the millitary men are still in favour of assault. Sir Patrick is adamant that it would be unwise. That we should prepare for the first ship (he has also worked out where it's going to land) and that we should head back to London where he expects the heaviest fighting to be.

>> No.39224833

Would it spoil things if I told you I am sat reading this wearing only a towel?

>> No.39224885

Evidently this isn't a real concern for you.

>> No.39224931

I would be lying if I said that it was.

>> No.39224964


The perfect post for Cruella to lean over my shoulder and ask when I'm coming to bed.

>> No.39225092

I haven't even been in the shower

>> No.39225120

Oh well we might as well all get naked now.

Now what was I on about?

Sir Patrick doesn't manage to convince the millitary folk, they are of the opinion that we should wipe out the Germans (real threat of course) then deal with the Martians.

>> No.39225139

Then that's not a towel, it's a kilt, welcome to Britbongsteros

>> No.39225238

Struck by this remarkable bit of millitary daftness, and even Sir Patrick can't sway them, we appear a bit stuck. The most advanced armour on earth is going to ram itself against the death ray tomorrow unless we do something.

>> No.39225342

And there anons is I think where I need to go to bed. If this is still around tomorrow I will continue or start a new one.

>> No.39225710

Wait a minute, why are you in a towel then?

>> No.39225764

If you don't know, then you don't need to know.

>> No.39225783

I think I am needing an adult.

>> No.39227651

We're all adults here, anon.

>> No.39230444


>> No.39231379

Bumping again before bed for good measure.

>> No.39232475

Bida bada bumpa

>> No.39233996

What did I miss here?

>> No.39234067

The millitary men are moving landcruiser shaped counters around the map and ignoring us so we decide to head back out to collect our thoughts. We end up back near AR4.

>> No.39234098


Hello AR4.


>> No.39234118

We explain the situation.

AR4 stays quiet for a bit. We start to think he isn't talking to us.


>some dice are being rolled here.

Yes essentially.

>> No.39235192
File: 140 KB, 499x578, Chill-Bear5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

thats a really polite way of saying it, I feel

>> No.39235469

These threads are just one asshole samefag bumping his own thread and laughing at his own jokes, right?

>> No.39235528


>> No.39235544

Most assuredly not.

>> No.39235598

We love you too grumpy anon

>> No.39235738

Ah, the faggot has arrived.

And not even one of the good kinds of faggots

>> No.39235980

You're late.

Usually you show up during the first day of the thread.

>> No.39236193
File: 75 KB, 468x331, Chill-Bear7.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39236588

a bit late today aren't you, grumpanon?

>> No.39237052

Eh he provides loads of free bumps when he appears. Its like some sort of 4chan bonus feature.

If he's listening then we might as well talk to him.

AR4 what is your primary duty?


Against all threats?


(You might change your mind there)
But if there was a threat to the entire realm would you face it needlessly diminished. (nice rollan occurs)


>> No.39237158

Across the field other Landcruisers light up their sensors, flashing affirmatives. The most patriotic thing we have met today was a very large tenk.

>The following morning.


Sparrows flit across the sky, in the gloaming the world rises, grasses still wet with dew. A hedgehog wends his weary way to bed beneath the great amroured flanks of AR4.

Sir Richard Clarkson-May unsheathes his saber. A trumpet sounds.

>Drive me closer. I want to hit them with my sword.




>> No.39237205
File: 20 KB, 400x259, Chill-Bear8.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>>Drive me closer. I want to hit them with my sword.

>> No.39237222

Watching from nearby with a bacon buttie we decide we should probably make ourselves scarce. Sir Patrick Moore and wunderwaffe in tow.

Above us, the lights in the sky grow stronger, visible even in daylight now.
Above serried ranks of motionless landcruisers, above the German defences, above us.

Tonight. The Martians will land. The first battle of a war no one wants will begin.

Martian war call: ULLA: https://youtu.be/4CbGKsjQ09I

>> No.39237292

We are nearly at the end of this adventure (tbh it was more a of set up for the last one anyway) and about this stage a discussion took place after a session.

DM: after this....well look... All good things come to an end right?

>The party agree.

You want to go out with a bang right? You don't want me to hold back?


>We guess not?

DM cracks his knuckles. The bad news is you're all going to die, the good news, is it will be awesome.

>disclaimer: if you are attached to anything in britbongsteros, you may wish to stop reading now.

>> No.39237359

>The bad news is you're all going to die, the good news, is it will be awesome.
Your DM (though he may be a dick) is god-tier

>> No.39237597

Who programmed these tanks?

>> No.39237731

We never asked but likely to have been http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnes_Wallis

with a helping hand from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Turing

and last but not least https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ugebzq3juE

>> No.39237840

They must've not cared much for the Scots.

>> No.39237858


>> No.39237903


>> No.39238248

aaaaaah, well it's a very young war machine and quite literal minded I suppose.

>> No.39239598

Just gonna bump this before I go run errands.

>> No.39241576


What's the range on those tanks anyway?

>> No.39242288

Good question, I imagine actually fairly large given the power source.

>> No.39242671

We wait for dark, the British (some of the senior officers still swearing at the bolos) the bears across the fields and the party with Sir Patrick.

The day is quiet. The lights in the sky grow and grow. The brightest is heading straight for us.

The day has an eerie quiet to it. A heavily pregnant pause. No one appears minded to shout at us for causing the bolos to refuse orders but we keep out of the way.
Occasional patrols of bears meet with ours, they exchange cigarettes. Attempts to teach the bears cricket do not go well.

Darkness falls as it must.

High command still intends on attacking the Germans (though Sir Stahig refuses to commit his Ghurkhas and the Bolos aren't shifting).

DM introduces a new mechanic

For the first time we have friendly troops. We may if we so seek, inspire them. It will help.

We have been chatting with AR4 and he shares his findings with his counterparts. We learn about bolos and he learns about the tale of the purple penguin.

>> No.39242867

AR4 and Cruella have made friends. Other units including B3A have responded occasionally.

>on the Bolos of britbongsteros

They are smart, they are also the first real sentient race that has been created, their minds inspired by the automatons of London. The amount of magic and technology within them ensured that what was meant to be a machine spirit became self aware. It was decided (based Sir Hobart) that this was actually incredibly useful. So they were taught, taught the ideals of knights. Bolos exist to protect and are one of the few genuinely good things in the setting. Except of course being fuelled by oil, blood and some of those soul cube things from waaaay back in the first adventure.

>> No.39243016

Dusk turns to dark, dark into night, but the lights are still above us. The largest now the size of a saucer, the sonic boom that precedes it knocks men flat, windows are blown out, the navvies beer bottle shatters.

The light grows, like daylight now as the thing decelerates, bits of what must be heat shield raining down around us.

It hits the ground. Hard. About five miles from our position. A huge plume of dust washes over us with the shock wave.

>> No.39243071

What we can see in the distance are the raised sides of a crater. Sounds of hammering, blight plasma flashes and tortured metal reach us even from here.

>> No.39243092

>time for Fighting Machines
Aw yiss.

>> No.39243208

The bard hops up onto the turret of AR4 as crews mount up. Ghurkhas get into formation. Khuhkris gleam in the dark.

He plays (just leave this on repeat for this and the next thread ok? Ennio Morricone The Ecstasy of Gold.: https://youtu.be/1-rHdSWZLpQ)

From the crater comes
Martian war call: ULLA: https://youtu.be/4CbGKsjQ09I

A black smoke starts to rise from the crater, spilling between waiting armies, the fitful light of the moon obscured. Darkness almost absolute. Visibility down to 75 metres.

The bard plays on.

We wait.

The twin 16" guns of AR4 track left in the darkness.

>> No.39243322

In their gasmasks the Ghurkhas wait. A sea of bayonets glint in the darkness. Breathing heavily in our own, vision fogging, we scan the darkness.
Martian war call: ULLA: https://youtu.be/4CbGKsjQ09I

>Wizard: How can you play the bagpipes in a gas mask bard?
>DM & rest of party: because fuck you. Shut up.

>> No.39243408

The Navvie has acquired a Union Jack from the semaphore lines of AR4, knitting it about his shoulders. Looking like an anglican version of Thor.

The purple penguin looks on waiting lines of nervous men. The world may be a horrible, vicious, nasty place, a place where children have no childhoods, a world where gods make men playthings, a world of blood and pain, but there is still hope in this world, there are still purple penguins, and now, mars has come to take even that from us.

>> No.39243506

Flickers of magic begin to play around the barrels of AR4, Cruella starts as Excalibur bursts into flame, red, white and blue.

This battle will see the beginning of the war, not even the end of the beginning, there are still seven more dots up there.

From out of the black smoke, great silver shapes begin to rise. Small metallic items grow lighter.




The first red pulse of laserfire immolates four score of men, screaming skeletons silhouetted in the darkness and then all hell breaks loose.

>> No.39243626

Fighting machines tower in the darkness as waves of Martian infantry wash from the smoke.

The bolos duel with fighting machines, guns tracking, firing, tracks crushing Martians as they advance.

>ayoooo ghoorkha!

The infantry charge with the tanks, halting every few feet for volley fire, but it's seconds before bayonet meets energy sword, khukhri meets claw.

The party fights in the mist of the the smoke, flares casting some light. A fighting machine goes down, casing cracked by shellfire. Elsewhere a bolo in flames from tip to stern rams another before exploding.

The party fight and fight hard, the night a wash of images of violence. The Navvie smashing skulls, cruella leaping from creature to creature, the wizard and I back to back on a mound of corpses, Angus cackling as he burns his way to us.

>> No.39243731

lightning crackles through the sky, the landing of the ship having caused enough atmospheric change for it to rain. A green pulse flashes through the sky, impacting deep in Martian lines - the death ray at work.

Men fall, rent asunder, Bolos are wrecked one by one. There seem no end to the Martians, we push forward, making progress into the tide but for every steps we lose more men.

>> No.39244061
File: 4 KB, 90x125, 1424057093664s.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Holy shit this is awesome

>> No.39244102

I'm sure the souls stuck in those cubes belonged to jerks anyway.

>> No.39244234

Lasers wash through the smoke. It seems for every fighting machine that falls, others lumber from the darkness. It is impossible to tell how the battle is going, we can see the great hulk of AR4 ahead of us, Martian corpses crushed in his wake. The bard still on his turret booting the occasional Martian off.

We fight through the night, bodies piling high, the Martians it seems are implacable, they will not break. They will not run. Are we winning? We genuinely can't tell.

A headless Martian lands at my feet. Followed swiftly by the other half of it. Lit in the darkness by his chain guns is Sir Patrick Cyborgmurdertron Moore, he seems to know what he's doing so we join him. Side by side. Advancing on the LZ.

Suddenly from out of the darkness the crater walls loom. As does something else. Bears. And one familiar chap in a wheelchair.

>> No.39244368

Yes, and the choice of music is just perfect.

>> No.39244486

We start to climb the crater walls. Not knowing what we'll find. AR4 covers us as we ascend, ramming his way through the earthern parapet and firing his guns at their lowest depression, laser fire crackling over his upper front plate and baking the earth covering his LFP into Some sort of ceramic.

We get our first look at what lies below us while the battle rages behind us.

>> No.39244753

And there anons is where I'll have to call it for tonight. I'll be around for a little while for any questions.

>> No.39244781
File: 61 KB, 268x198, iteH3rk.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39244817

About where would you say "Who are you kidding, Mr. Kaiser?" ends and this final tale begins?

Here >>39237292 or sooner?

>> No.39244907
File: 646 KB, 640x512, 103682527.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39244915

I guess really we are still in who do you think we are kidding here. I'll leave it to your discretion anon.

>> No.39245040

I'll just wait until it become apparent then.

>> No.39245085

Kind of a mundane question, but what were London's automatons like?

And what happened to everyone's least favourite bowling ball?

>> No.39245242

Antgyros is still around. Chilling. (Also not to diminish the drama but this is the first skirmish of a bigger war).

>> No.39245296

And they did get discussed (the automatons) in one the tale of the clownleechspidersnake things that honked. But basically Gort from the day the earth stood still.

>> No.39247073

We can assume those things are busy defending King Algernon during all this.

>> No.39249038

I'm bumping it.

>> No.39250732

As am I

>> No.39252589


>> No.39253322

Bumping before bed.

>> No.39254080
File: 15 KB, 225x270, klaatu.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Have a Gort.

>> No.39254475


>> No.39256163


>> No.39257950

Morning bump.

>> No.39258698
File: 134 KB, 464x700, Gort with Frida and Agnetha.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39259189

Hello anons. Cruella has claimed me for the night. I'll either continue this tomorrow or start a new thread when I get the chance.

>> No.39259221

I also (for science) am rather curious about this pic

>> No.39259335
File: 60 KB, 394x585, Gort and “Vampirella” (Barbara Leigh), 1975.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You and me both, Anon...

>Cruella has claimed me for the night
All hail She Who Must Be Obeyed!!

>> No.39259374

I'm actually just some swede who grew up on the comic magazine called "Ernie" which featured Bloom County a lot.

>> No.39259460

shh don't call her that or we'll all get stabbed.

>> No.39259555

>Frida and Agnetha

So someone made an "ABBA parody" porno? With "sepia like it's the thirties" promo photos to get the right ancient feel for the lost days of AD1978.

At least the "why" is obvious enough for a singalong.

>> No.39260045

>Cruella has claimed me for the night
>All hail She Who Must Be Obeyed!!

I can't be the only one secretly hoping for Rule 34 of her can I?

>> No.39260830

And this anon is how you kill threads

>> No.39262629

And this is how I bump a thread.

>> No.39264898

Bumping and sorta seconding creepy anon

>> No.39264958

You get the real thing, have a little sympathy.
Though that is a little creepy, given that she's your gf.

Wonder what happened to the drawfag

>> No.39265098
File: 280 KB, 757x942, A_B_Findus the III.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

We haven't seen him since he drew this.

>> No.39265736

On reflection, anon is right, as is other anon.

>> No.39266536

I'm going to finish the rest, waiting on mah new pc, photoshop a shit.

>> No.39266598


>> No.39266742
File: 137 KB, 603x403, 1428353065139.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

He's back!

>> No.39267572


>> No.39268359

Bit pissed and I feel like I've been hit by a train, but if any britbongsteros related questions can be answered, I'm here

>> No.39268544

So, we know most of Scotland was a barren wasteland due to the necromancers, did any of you ever wonder how the reintroduction of life was going to the region after you re-killed all the necromancers?

Same question could apply to Ireland.

>> No.39268679

Err...no. Not really, but I imagine many capercallies were released.

>> No.39270260

Cruella here, He's asleep, any of you want the real story?

>> No.39270334


>> No.39270350

i'm not sure this isn't just a 3.30am (brit-time) bump...

but sure

>> No.39270369

Lol it's pretty much as above, but it's fun discovering what he's been up to all this time.

>> No.39270375

Sure, different points of perspective are great for these kinds of stories.

>> No.39270410

meh, it'll take a footrub to get anything out of me, it's just nice to confirm what he's been up to.

>> No.39270677

I guess it has been about a month, or maybe 2, since he started telling us this story.

>> No.39272995


>> No.39274151

Bumping this before bed.

>> No.39275797

Bump from work

>> No.39277147

bump in the afternoon

>> No.39278315

Morning bump.

>> No.39279816

Lets have an evening bump

>> No.39280744
File: 172 KB, 1024x818, Chill-Bear9.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39282560
File: 87 KB, 592x592, bear_butt.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.39282967
File: 111 KB, 570x617, Oso pelado.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Saddest-bear-on-earth bump.

>> No.39284182

Bald bear...

I'm now imagining some of these bear men with balding problems.

>> No.39284514


>> No.39284740

My new BBEG needed a scary new pet and I think I just found it.

>> No.39286093

If memory serves me correctly that's a (Russian?) zoo bear that got malnourished/mistreated to the point that all its hair started to fall out

>> No.39286329

No, that's from a German zoo.

It's a disease that's causing their bears to go bald.

>> No.39286477


Aldous, where are you? the threads turning weird

>> No.39286731


>> No.39288086


>> No.39290343

Bumping from page 10.

>> No.39291661
File: 100 KB, 750x600, Bad_b94555_172104.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

mein stoß

>> No.39292160

You have my word that when I'm able, the entire party WILL be drawn. I haven't forgotten.

>> No.39294001

Bumping from America.

>> No.39296134

Bump before bed.

>> No.39296763

Bump for breakfast. Aldous, alive and willing for storytiem today?

>> No.39298616

Bump again.

>> No.39300242

Alive yes. In the middle of a powercut yes. First time I've had signal in eight hours.

>> No.39301263

Morning bump again.

>> No.39303233

Lunchtime bump.

>> No.39305168

Lazing on a Sunday afterbump.

>> No.39305392

Greeting /tg/.

Power back on, all other tasks done.

Storytime will resume at 22:15 GMT. (That's about 70 minutes from this post)

>> No.39305421

oh it's me by the way. Namefag fell off.

Have some relevant music.


>> No.39305422

your name fell off there boss.

>> No.39305463


>> No.39306203
File: 110 KB, 700x560, Chill-Bear10.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

waiting then

>> No.39306393
File: 696 KB, 2688x1520, IMAG0239.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

And the power is back out. 3G is patchy as fuck. It's taken forever just to post this.

Pic related. Tea making in britbongsteros. Not pictured: a very fucked off cruella.

>> No.39306416

What the actual fuck is up with my namefag tonight.

Wait a minute. Success!


>> No.39306459

>tea-making facilities are out
Civilisation will descend to ruin within minutes. Hours at most.

>> No.39306503

We are prepared. It's all going very /K/ here.

>> No.39306529

Anyway. I've got 3G for the time being. Let's see what can be done posting wise.

Now if the captcha would just stop fucking up....

>> No.39306532
File: 54 KB, 640x480, Chill-Bear11.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>power out
>making tea on a camping stove

And here I was, sitting with my walmart-tier beer and my burnt (formerly frozen) pizza and my back aching after 5 hours on the train and I thought it couldnt get worse.

Ave nex alea.

brb fetching /k/ prayers to bump with

>> No.39306840

OK, here we go, if I dissapear again tonight, given the post numbers and the power situation, let this one die and I'll start a new one as soon as I can.

Some more mood music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl8mmoH_63g

Think back to us, the rain has soaked the still warm earth of the parapet into mud, on the other side of this thing, hell lies below us, actinic plasma flashes wash upward, we ascend, clawing into mud, to our side AR4 keeps firing, his armour melting.

Behind us the first battle of Britbongsteros rages. Fighting machines and Bolos, men and martians, hell on earth. The sound of it is a physical thing, this is not the war we first knew, a war of heros, this is industrial scale violence, German artillery thunders down into landing site, directed we think somehow by Herr S.

We pause at the brim, laser fire raking across it.

Sir Patrick Moore is the first to go over the top, we follow, below us is the sight of the first stage of Martian conquest.

Automated machinery assembling fighting machines, squadrons of Martian troops being cut down by AR4 even as others scramble up and out into battle.

At the very centre of what is almost a Martian city, we can see a green glow.

The party knows from experience, we are going straight towards that, big glowy things are usually exactly where you have to go.

>> No.39306903 [SPOILER] 
File: 210 KB, 395x599, 1428873446122.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

We number about twenty in total between party, bears, Sir Patrick, and us.

I haven't really talked much about Sir Patrick, but I suspect this pic might help you.

>> No.39307000

The terrain below us, in the thunder of guns, the flash of lightning, the pulse of energies no man could ever stand against, looks for all the world like a city, the exterior of the first ship. We shout over the noise, Herr S. and Sir Patrick agree, we are going to make straight for that glowy thing (yes that's what it's called), Sir Patrick hefts something, a familiar something.

>Herr S: Mein Wuderwaffe!

We look at each other, let's do this.

"VORWARTS FUR DIE WISSENSCHAFT!" Herr S. and the bears roll (in his case literally) down the hill, not to be outdone,

"BY ENGLAND AND ST. GEORGE, WE ARE HERE TO FUCK YOU UP GLOWY THING!" (we are not good at battle cries)


>> No.39307052


In spirit:

War is the way of Man.
Man is the means of War.
You allow us War.
Our worship is our readiness.

It is proper to adhere to our nature,
Aggression is natural,
We are meant to be aggressive.

Through war we are purified,
Through slaughter we are enlightened,
I cast thee, Nex Alea,
May fortune find strength in me,
So that my weaknesses be absolved.

Saluto Nex Alea.

>> No.39307097

We go over the top, we get the better part of thirty metres down, sliding, slipping, loose mud sloshing before us onto the metal of the decking, our boots ring on it soon after. The Martian's attention is fixed on AR4, and he does his best to keep it, even over the noise, we can hear his engines, see the earth bank in front of his hull break, and down he comes, tonnes of Sheffield steel, crashing onto the hull of the ship, if this is his first battle, it will also be his last, but he, as he makes for the fighting machine assembly line, will sell himself dearly.

As he tears past, we see a little something on the side of his turret. It's purple.

>Where did that come from?

Cruella: He wanted one of his own. I can paint.

The OOC is cut short as martian infantry start to ntoice us, we take cover, returning fire.

Then from behind us.

>Shave and a haircut.

>> No.39307240


>Was ist los?

One of the bears asks as one of his spent shell casings floats past his muzzle, we've dealt with this before.

Cruella is up and over the bear's head, eyes closed, seemingly from nowhere bits of bodies start appearing. The wizard hold's Angus by the shoulder, directing his fire.

Sir Patrick kicks through a wall, and laughing as he goes, hoses Martian infantry with large calibre rounds.

Then Herr S.'s chair starts floating.

He jumps from the thing (he can actually walk remember?)

We have to struggle to hang on to weapons as they start to rise, there is a flash and a fizzle in our midst, the cloaking field (thing predator) goes down on something very large, and very fast.

>> No.39307267

blessed be the Murderkube

>Captcha: Olord.

>> No.39307570

It's big, carnifex sized. It takes apart one bear with a slash, then another. I turn the shotgun on it, blowing chunks from it, the Navvie points at it.


It paws at the deck. It knows a challenge when it sees one.

I start trying to get behind it, as the Navvie spreads his arms in a come-at-me-bro way.


It spreads all of it's claws, and roars, spittle landing on the Navvie's chest from the better part of 5 metres.

I'm behind it now, I aim for the backs of the knees. Hitting critically, the thing goes down on it's belly. The Navvie nochalantly walks forward. and busts it's skull open.


He spits on it, and we start to pursue the Martian infantry who have begun to break.

Elsewhere, AR4 sings a song to himself as he takes damage, his left track unit running on wheels only now, guns glowing red.


>> No.39307595

>Why are you still talking about the Bolo?
DM had noticed we had already gotten fond of him, and if the DM can, the DM will break your heart and burn everything you ever loved.

>> No.39307746

We push onwards, it can't be more than 300 metres to the centre of the thing.

The closer we get, the quieter it seems to be, we can barely even hear the battle above for the low thrum of whatever the glowy thing is, we reckon it might be a power source, we don't care, if we chuck enough explosives at it, sheer narrative alone says that should fuck the thing up good and proper.

>200 Metres


we're closing in, no Martians, just that low, low thrum, you can feel it in your chest, in your teeth.

>150 metres

AR4 considers tactical withdrawal, rejects it, and decides to sell his life for a country he has never really known. Matrian infantry swarm his hull, he allows himself to take laser fire from the nearest walker, immolating them, and another section of ablative armour.

>100 metres


>75 metres


>Where is that coming from?

>50 metres.

Oh fuck. Fighting machine.

>> No.39307885

Just showing that he cares.

>> No.39307970

The thing fires straight at us, the DM has us all roll to dodge it, we all pass. Except the bard.

We're blinded by the flash. When we can see again, he's still standing, still piping, glowing saltire standing between him and the beam. It fades out and he starts laughing. (I.e. fate point used).


It starts to charge to fire again

I couldn't find the relevant bit from Red Dwarf on youtube so have some Ace Rimmer.



DM: Are you gonna take cover Bard?

Bard: Why? I AM ALIVE

DM: That laser is charging up

Bard: So! BRING IT

The Navvie knocks the stupid bastard aside and into cover with a shoulder barge.

DM made it quite clear while he poured a beer that the bard was about another second away from dying.

The laser burns a hole in the hull instead.

>> No.39308065

Ah ha! Found the thing I was looking for.


>> No.39308374

We take cover behind a large building, the fighting machine stomping towards us.

We have about five or six seconds to plan.

We look at eachother....err...



The wizard summons chains, snaking them out toward it. Cruella distracts it's fire as the most agile. The cains hold tight, the thing totters, falls. Legs flailing uselessly, laser pointed at the sky.

We smash the thing to bits and proceed to the glowy thing.

>> No.39308544

We examine the glowy thing, it's definitely...glowy...beyond that, no one has the damndest idea what to do with it.


There's another one, and another one, and another.

We can't take three of them.

Sir Patrick hefts the wunderwaffe and runs into the glow, deeper into the ship and what we assume is the power generator.


Before we can stop him, he tuns toward the glow, the thing beeping in his hand.

Herr S. helpfully adds: "Ve should be leaving..."

We start to run, elsewhere, AR4 fights on.

We run, firing, killing as fast as we can, making as quickly as we can for that muddy parapet, Martians pursue us, Herr S. and the bears take cover.

>Go, we will hold them.

We aren't going to say no, struggling up through the mud, it's clawing at us, slowing us, fire pattering around us, the climb is slow, excruciating.

We fling ourselves up over the parapet, slithering down the other side. The land before us is a sea of flame, the battle still raging.

We run toward it, away from the ship.

Within, Sir Patrick wades through bodies, laughing, "I always wanted to meet alien life! and KILL THEM"

The parapet shields us from most of the force of the blast, but we are knocked flat.

>> No.39308612

The rest of the battle is vicious and messy, but with the ship gone, the alien's spirit is broken, the bolos and Ghurkha's mop them up. We do our best to assist, eventually the sun rises fitfully over a blasted, lunar landscape, wrecks still burn, bodies bleed and scream.

Ghurkhas stalk over the fields, giving peace to their comrades, finishing off Martians.

Bloodied, victorious, and with seven more stars falling above us. We begin the final tale of Britbongsteros.

The War of the Worlds.

>> No.39308696

Whew, it's been quite an adventure, but that's it, we're at the last one.

I was typing fairly fast there, so did all that make sense anon?

>> No.39308755

jep. awesome bloody gruel mass murder, i like.
also, g'night because its already monday morning in my timezone.

>> No.39308805

Yeah, that made plenty of sense.

Shame about Sir Patrick though.
He went out a bit too soon if there's still 7 more coming like that one.

So the Martian ship, just how big a city was it?

>> No.39308923
File: 354 KB, 600x400, aerial.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Along those lines-ish. (Manhattan island)

>> No.39309744

Jeez, that's bigger than Ipswich.

>> No.39309762

oh I may have fucked up here, I meant the bit before the second row of skyscrapers.

>> No.39310046

Can you show us with a crude bit of Paint?

Am I right in thinking the Germans are dead, being on the edge of the blast?

And AR4 is dead too?

>> No.39310172
File: 152 KB, 600x400, 1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Germans: Dead
>Martians: Dead
>AR4: Dead

>> No.39310467

>Ipswich: Destoryed

>> No.39310494

Is red the crater, or the ship?

>> No.39310538

Pretty sure it's the crater and the green dot is the ship.

>> No.39310544
File: 385 KB, 468x583, Capture.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Red = Ship.
Green = Glowy thing.

Also why did no one tell me 4 of the Game of Thrones episodes leaked. I should really be asleep.

Also is that what I think it is?

>> No.39310567

7 /ck/
1 /tg/
1 /d/

>> No.39310613

I entirely agree with this post.

>> No.39310795

I never get fun captchas like that.

>> No.39310835

truth be told I examine them quite closely for recipe ideas

>> No.39312457

/tg/ I've just read this thread. Two things.

1. This is awesome
2. I am a tiny bit in love with Cruella.

Is this normal?

>> No.39312793

Normal enough.

Anyway, I've just finished adding the rest of "Good Omens, or Who do you think you are kidding, Mr. Kaiser?" to the wiki page.

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