/tg/ - Traditional Games

>>39030153
If anon has any questions please feel free to ask as we go, it may already have been covered or it may be new, just ask.

>the party
Throughout our adventures there were always at least five of us, and usually six. These are:

>Angus
An orc from Dundee. Originally a greengrocer but also horrendously proficient with the flamethrower he carries. The flamethrower doubles as a thermic lance.

>the bard.
A human, wears a kilt, plays the bagpipes. Occasionally has great ideas. The DM uses his own taste in music for what the bard actually plays (so usually classic rock or country & western)

>Cruella
Essentially a Dark Eldar wych wearing more clothes. She is vicious and stealthy. Armed with two daggers and a sword that she talks to. Played by my then (and now again) GF. The latter fact occasionally becomes relevant which is why I mention it.

>The wizard
Not actually magic but can command metal (iron) and summon various sharp or pointy things. Including chainsaws.

>The Navvie (also called Burt)
A very large human with a hammer. He hits things with it. Has recently started to glow like a Union Jack when stuff happens. We don't know why at this stage.

>Aldous.
Me. A dwarven knight. Wears full plate. Carries twin revolvers and a gatling shotgun. Smokes a pipe.

>the purple penguin.
a stuffed toy, moral compass of the group and suspected DM PC.

>>39030153
What is going on?

Germans have invaded Ispwich. Germans consist of bears and Gryphons. They have annexed the area, to prevent a declaration of a war we do not want, we have been sent to find a peaceful solution.

The bears have foritifed the town but haven't openly been agressive. We were invited through their lines and have just met
"Otto von Baarmarck" (Bismarck if your want to Google him) advisor to the Kaiser, represented by Herr Tirpitz of the Kaiserliche Marine who is an eagle.

>>39030200
Oh also there's a wiki here: http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Britbongsteros which is curated by a particularly nice anon.

>>39030213
and as always I copy paste all the stuff and the wiki is already in ther but oh well.

Right more tales will happen once I've had dinner.

>>39030226
I'll get on updating that page now with the stuff from last thread.

>>39030272
Thank you anon.


By the way, did we ever find drawfag again? Or do we have any others following these?

>>39030307
Haven't seen him, but he did say he was going to be busy with commissions for a while.

Also
>>38931729
>someone loses their virginity

I feel as if this plot point was abandoned or forgotten.

>>39030448
It was the camel. No I'm not going into details.

>>39030482
Weeeeeeeeelp, back to updating that page.

And that page is updated with everything from last thread.

And last thread is now gone.

Let's hope everyone found their way to this one.

Page 10 already?

Don't you die on me

Bump über alles!

>>39036073
>>39036871

Friederike would want a teddy-bear, too! Please!

The joy of what I do for a living is sometimes realising there is a fuck of a lot more work to do for tomorrow than you anticipated. Anyway I really wish my absence could be explained by a seven hour long dinner.

>>39030153
You really are the most obnoxious motherfucker on /tg/, you know.

>>39037684
Oh yes I'm mobile posting again so forgot my namefag.

We are invited inside, the eagle perches on what appears to be an ornate...Well perch. I'm sure it has a wonderfully complicated German name. Tirpitz doesn't add much to the conversation, Von Baarsmarck does most of the talking

>>39037725
Normally to get someone this butthurt I'd actually remember doing so. Now I'll take the free bumps you provide though. I'm actually getting rather fond of you grumpy anon

>>39037725
counterpoint: chandere exists, as does virtualoptim.

>>39037742
He reiterates what we already know, that the Germans are annexing Ipswich and as they are nice guys, they are planning on paying for the damage they do and are moving civilians out of the area. They apologize for the inconvenience.

The one thing he doesn't actually tell us is why exactly they feel they need to do this?

>>39037799
I don't know who they are but something tells me that is a good thing.

>>39037890
>why? (Vhy?) Because we are incapable of defending ourselves.

So you invaded to prove a point?

>Nein. From what is coming. Herr Schiarperelli believes they will land sooner rather than later.

>>39037979
Oh boy, a wacky misunderstanding?

I don't think we've seen one of those yet in Britbongsteros.

>>39037979
They're here to fight the martians I bloody knew it, but how did they know to come?

>>39038268
I bet the French told them while the party was off on their oily fishing trip.

They were probably out of Europe for at least a month, and the French probably ran back home when shit started getting too real in Cairo.

>>39038438
Wait, no, that's wrong.
The Germans who met the bowling ball probably brought that information home with them.

Why the fuck would I think the French know what's going on?

>>39037979
Last post from me tonight as it is insanely late here.

>>39038268
A very good question.

We had the clue of Schiarperelli (the Italian astronomer who is the reason some people thought mars had canals).

The Germans (we discover) know at least as much about the Martians as we do (it seems we may have some spies to kill soon) and Schiaperelli has has the planet under observation for months. He has worked out from the trajectory and some other calculations (possibly involving a dart and a map that this is the most likely landing site).

We are then stuck with a bit of a problem. If there are Martians coming then we really ought not to be fighting each other, nor should we be asking the Germans to go home.

We have a further problem, to stop the Landcruisers (which are about a day away) we will need to convince them to do so. We then realise the average citizen of Britbongsteros, even one in command of a Landcruiser brigade is going to find us asking them to stop from "bashing the bosch" (sorry Germ-anon) because we are raving about Martians laughable. Why? Only the Privy Council and us know about them.

>>39038230
If that's you grumpy anon and you've actually read all of the threads and are still grumpy, you could just stop posting, but its not a britbongsteros thread without you showing up for two or three posts.

>>39038641
No, I'm not the grumpy anon.

No, I wasn't using sarcasm, though I guess it looked like it.

Bump in the european morning

Up you go.

Giving this a bump before bed.

>>39038792
Oops my bad. Apologies Anon.

bump

>>39038562
>(sorry Germ-anon)
heh, don't worry too much. I'm the guy who slaughtered half the Wehrmacht in CoD when I was younger...

Mid-Afternoon rawr

also bump

I'll give this a good morning bump.

/tg/'s thread lifespans vary greatly.

At night (where I am anyway) it takes 8 hours for a thread to drop off the board, during the day it takes about 2 hours for it to happen.

>>39047627
Speaking of lifespans I'll give this a shove while making dinner

8pm rawr

Hopefully Aldous won't be getting these annoying recaptcha errors when he gets back to the thread.

Bumping.

It's getting a little late here, but bump all the same

>>39050395
Yes. I really loathe the new captcha things.

>>39045945
I always thought that must be a slightly weird feeling Germ-anon.

>>39038562
Now where had we gotten to....Oh yes, here we go. Daylight savings time always fucks me up so I'm good for another hour or so.

There is a little ooc discussion at this point, including my favourite "why is nothing ever simple in this setting..."

We don't really fancy our chances in convincing the commanding officers of the taskforce (slowly) motoring it's way here.

We decide to do some more fact finding before deciding on our next step.

>>39054832
Still, in a lot of ways the new (is this still new? It's been in effect for probably a year now) recaptcha system is a lot better than the old one.
At least with this one, the captcha doesn't appear until you click the box, so there's no more captcha resetting when you're still typing it in.
And it also has the decency to tell you if it's wrong or not before clicking post now instead of taking you to another page to tell you it's wrong.

Though getting a picture captcha and being told to select which pizza is vegetarian is just surreal.
It wouldn't surprise me if there was a dragon dildo picture captcha now.

>>39054947
I take it you can't get a telegraph to the privy council

>>39054947
More to the point though, the Germans seem awfully keen to tell us all this.

why are you being so nice?

>Because if Grosse Britain falls then the aliens will have a base of operations, then Europe, and then the rest of this weird, nasty violent beautiful world will be ended.

Why didn't you just offer to help? Why invade.

They get a bit shifty at this point.

The door to the room busts in as what can only be described as a man shaped crocodile skin handbag is wheeled in.

(pic related. if you don't know who that is, go watch the film...)

It appears Herr Schiaraperelli is not entirely human or sane...(please note to everyone, I am so so sorry wherever you are from).

>Mein unterkaiser, ve haff made zignifikant progress mit die deff raiii!

>>39055205
I've seen that film, I can only assume that things are about to get even further out of hand in the most ridiculous ways possible

>>39055205
It may of course be helpful to tell you what film... Dr Strangelove.

Anyway, Herr S. notices the new faces, and switches gear,

>ach vatt fine specimens such excellent breeding stock...

He zips past cruella and pokes at Angus's bicep. (This had sort of become a running joke by now)

>vould du kare to submit yourself to some of my (giggles insanely) ecksperimentaaaation?

>>39055306
We try to get between him and Angus, but there's no separating the two, so we turn our attention to Von Baarsmarck.

Soooo...Death Ray?

>To use on the Martians of course, and acquire their technology, ensuring that the world will be ein reich...

In the background Herr S. is babbling to Angus about "mitt my super zerum derivved from ze gods toe ve could make you ten, twenty veet tall!"

>>39055281
I'm afraid so.

>>39055409
Yep, things sure look like they're about to get even crazier than usual.

Britbongsteros is entering its mad science era it seem.

>>39055409
Von Baarsmarck seems quite non-plussed,

>Assuming any of us survive the landings, do not tell me that you British would not take the items for yourselves? This way, we ensure there is no...

>Death Ray Gap!
cackles herr S.

ok that sort of seems weirdly fair, we will just backstab them later...

next comes the awkward bit...

So maybe we should leave now? Get the landcruisers stopped? Work together?

>>39055525
I can't help but read Herr Schiarparelli's lines in Will Ferrell's German accent from the kinda-mediocre Producers movie.

>>39055525
Herr S. cackles again,

>du may kill or imprison ze rest but I wish to keep zis one...and this one... Perhaps maybe I can keep all of them....

One last try...

Your death ray will massacre our forces, and then you will face the aliens alone...you are very likely to lose, we all are...

>You have seen to much...heard too much, Herr DoktorProfessor, you may have them...

It is worth remembering at this point that yes we can probably take everyone in the room easily enough, what we cannot do is fight our way out of town through an alarmed garrison.

Also, worth considering is Martians don't really like magic (or at least the north pole ones, it seems likely then that they may not have something like that.

>>39055598
Basically you're trying for Peter Sellers doing the worst impression of a crazy german (or a really good impression, all combined into our DM doing a really shit impression of all of the above. In short, basically yes.

>>39055409
Is there just a big death ray -inator thing sitting around for all to see?

How would you know what a death ray looks like?

>>39056466
>How would you know what a death ray looks like?
Yo mean you don't?

>>39059007
If I lived in a world of magic and gods, a death ray would just be a big metal box and I'd have no way of knowing it shoots rays of death until I actually see it kill something.

>>39059222
You know there have been many death-ray projects over the years right?
The one from WWII didn't work, but it's how we got radar

>>39059303
This is pre-WWI though.

Eh, I'll just chalk it up to Brit spies going their job well enough in bear land.

>>39059373
Personally I think the big dish would tip me off.

And tech isn't quite bound by our earth's progression - see chainsaws, for example

I'm gonna bump this again and then go to bed.

Bump

While we are thinking about death rays I suppose it is worth considering that the first one (well heat ray really) was 2200 years ago.

http://web.mit.edu/2.009/www/experiments/deathray/10_ArchimedesResult.html

http://www.brighthubeducation.com/history-homework-help/93105-archimedes-war-machines/

Britbumpsteros

yes,bumps

>>39063983
I wonder when the first working death ray was.

>>39066578
wait, we have death rays!?

>>39066578
As far s I know that's the earliest one.
Have some quotes by Otto von Bismarck http://en.m.wikiquote.org/wiki/Otto_von_Bismarck

>>39066721
An x-ray machine could be considered a death ray if you aren't wearing a lead vest.
It's a very slow death though.

>>39067436
I remember reading somewhere that the beams used for radiotherapy would be powerful enough to kill a horse if you pointed it directly at its head.

>>39067486
I'm now really curious, are horses more or less vulnerable to radiation? like do they have some sort of racial ability or flaw that makes it being a horse more impressive?

>>39067617
well, given that a horse is bigger and more massive than a human, organs included and generally i'd say healthier, i guess killing a horse is kind of impressiv?

>>39066578
Likely as soon as RADAR was developed, and some poor sod walked through the foci. Or possibly a bit earlier, if you counted 'standing too long in front of an X-ray generator' or 'designing a LINAC large enough to fit your head into the active beamline' as 'death rays'.

Bump

On Death Rays:

"Modern Mechanix", IX-1934.

>>39069633
Idem:
"PopularScience", II-1940.

Also, on killing horses with radiotherapy: maaaaybeeee but...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatoli_Bugorski

>>39054947
> a slightly weird feeling
naw

Bumping.

>>39071789
And again.

Past midnight, I am out

rawr

Hello anons, we are going to have to let this thread die I'm afraid. I'm exhausted and going to be away for a big chunk of the next few days. I will start a new one when I get the chance. As always thank you for reading and bumping.

>>39074529
Alright, take care.