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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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38931711 No.38931711 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Ok let's try this again. This fell of the board last night due to my insomnia suddenly being not insomnia any longer. I'll post to where we got last time and then continue from there. If there's no uptake then we'll call an end there. (Its been lots of fun so whatever happens, thanks /tg/)

>> No.38931729

>>38931711
ITT we learn about blood magic, someone loses their virginity, there are several explosions and a bowling ball.
As always I will begin with the refresher stuff.

>Wut is Britbongsteros?
Britbongsteros is a setting my group made up and played in about four or five years back. The world is geographically the same and mixed with mythology and a healthy dose of pure fantasy.

/tg/ seems to enjoy hearing about it and many storytimes have occurred so far. They have been collected by one kind anon here:
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Britbongsteros

if you are new you don't need to read all that. I'll give you a summary of the party and what's going on in the next posts.

As always bumps are appreciated, as are puns.

>> No.38931747

>>38931711
If anon has any questions please feel free to ask as we go, it may already have been covered or it may be new, just ask.

>the party
Throughout our adventures there were always at least five of us, and usually six. These are:

>Angus
An orc from Dundee. Originally a greengrocer but also horrendously proficient with the flamethrower he carries. The flamethrower doubles as a thermic lance.

>the bard.
A human, wears a kilt, plays the bagpipes. Occasionally has great ideas. The DM uses his own taste in music for what the bard actually plays (so usually classic rock or country & western)

>Cruella
Essentially a Dark Eldar wych wearing more clothes. She is vicious and stealthy. Armed with two daggers and a sword that she talks to. Played by my then (and now again) GF. The latter fact occasionally becomes relevant which is why I mention it.

>The wizard
Not actually magic but can command metal (iron) and summon various sharp or pointy things. Including chainsaws.

>The Navvie (also called Burt)
A very large human with a hammer. He hits things with it. Has recently started to glow like a Union Jack when stuff happens. We don't know why at this stage.

>Aldous.
Me. A dwarven knight. Wears full plate. Carries twin revolvers and a gatling shotgun. Smokes a pipe.

>the purple penguin.
a stuffed toy, moral compass of the group and suspected DM PC.

>> No.38931762

>>38931747
What is going on?

Well we are still in Araby, in the temple of the cult of Daem, we want very much to learn how they extract oil from the desert sands using blood magic and human sacrifice. We intend to steal the technique and (de-guro) it and use it in the north sea back home. We then intend to murder the entire cult.

We have with us our Arab trader friend Ismail (think every fat merchant ever) who translates for us.

We have passed the first of the cults trials in which they pretended to poison us and see if we would murder each other over a limited quantity of antidote. Turns out they were lying about the poison.

We have passed the first test and the extremely dangerous (and totally bonkers) cult leader is chatting to us.

As a reminder for this little adventure the DM had a bag of props with him.

>> No.38931786
File: 86 KB, 604x905, Jellybabies.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38931786

>>38931762
So the last session ended with Mad Ali (Cult leader) coming back into the room and saying
Al returns
>Ha! Well done, normally they fight like tooth and nail. It is so much fun to watch. You have survived the first trial!

As mentioned last time, DM was rounded upon for nearly arbitrarily killing the entire party twice.

>Our DM is a Cunt.

So he decided to try harder this time. Going all the way back to the first time I talked about Britbongsteros, he liked offering us choices...
Difficult ones.

At this point, DM dips into his rucksack and removes a large yellow bag.

>Jelly babies (those are pic related, they are a British sweet which for some reason are in the shape of babies)

>> No.38931808

>>38931786
>there is a collective intake of breath.
>DM opens the bag and starts lining up jelly babies on the table. Little serried colourful ranks.
>Can I have a knife and a chopping board please? And a beer? Also would anyone like a jellybaby?

>no one seems inclined.

>> No.38931822
File: 38 KB, 440x587, 440px-Descending_into_cave.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38931822

>>38931808
Ali leads us deeper into the fortress, until we come to a cavern, the walls are rough stone and from the roof shines a shaft of sunlight into near darkness. It looks a lot like Majilis al Jinn cave (pic related)

>> No.38931840

>>38931822
We are at the heart of what is by all accounts an extremely unpleasant cult, and as crazy as mad Ali is, they still seem surprisingly ok with us being there and wanting to learn their secrets. This and the jellybabies are starting to make us suspect not all is right here.

The shaft of light shines down onto an altar, if anything it is so blatantly a sacrificial altar it can't be anything else.

The rear of the altar seems to have a fairly substantial pool of inky looking water behind it.

Mad Ali keeps talking "you have all killed before, numerous times, you have a great deal of blood on your hands. Each death is in furtherance of some goal I am sure, but you six have killed a great many, I doubt for any of you, you would have second thoughts of killing again, especially not for the powerful knowledge I may teach you. Surely a great prize such as that, is one which is worth spilling blood for?"

>> No.38931858

>>38931840
After a speech like that, we all look at each other.

Cruella seems to be chewing something ("I like jellybabies, fuck off").

>Angus: Guys what are we gonna do? If he does what I think he is about to ask to do, we can't go through with it, we can't let him kill someone in front of us either

>Navvie: I think Ali has a point you know we did just inadvertently have half of Cairo smashed. What's a little blood sacrifice?

>Bard: I do not like hard decisions!

Mad Ali claps his hands and a robed acolyte brings out a small, squirming, bundle.

>> No.38931877

>>38931858
The bundle starts to cry.

>Oh shit we are gonna have to kill everyone now...

>DM slowly, carefully, chops the head off a jelly baby and eats it.

>He does it again.

Mad Ali speaks
>Blood is important. Blood is everything. Blood is...
>The baby wails.
>Ali continues "ooogooo woogly googly oooogly" The baby gurgles and claps. He cradles the child. "This is my son, my flesh and blood. He will carry on my work after I am done. Is he not beautiful? Blood is important."

>DM gets the biggest shit eating grin, slits a jellybaby in half, and eats it.

>> No.38931892

>>38931877
This by the way is the reason I don't trust jellybabies.

Mad Ali hands the bundle back to the (we notice for the first time) female acolyte, and draws us and our subverted expectations closer to the altar.

>> No.38931913

>>38931892
So with our wonderful DM having done that to us, Ali asks for each of us to make a contribution, to slit open our palms and lay it on the altar. He passes round an ornate looking dagger, and we oblige, there is a shimmer in the water as blood flows down the altar, ripples form in the perfect stillness. We can't quite make out is causing them...

>> No.38931924

And THIS TIME I'm not missing the thread.

>> No.38931935

>>38931913
Now that's where we got to last night. I'll see if this gets off the ground.

>> No.38931956

>>38931935
Yes, let's.

I think we were expecting it on the weekend, not a weekday.

>> No.38931976

>>38931956
I'm terrible at timing as you all know...

>> No.38932039

>>38931913
As the water breaks, mad Ali, cult leader, person exploder and surprisingly nice family man bids us take a step back.

>This is the avatar of our God...

We peer into the water. It's rather a big shape.

HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT? (pic related)

Ali throws his arms out wide. Is Ibil al'Daem not perfect?

>Navvie: Thats a dunleosteous mate.

>> No.38932055 [SPOILER] 
File: 40 KB, 936x352, 1427309238402.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38932055

>>38932039
It helps of course to actually attach a pic...

>> No.38932076

Time to find out how many more Arabian nights we have left to go.

>> No.38932112

>>38932039
The Navvie is quite correct from what we can see.

Ali continues "Those who wish to learn must be judged worthy."

He removes a bracelet and tosses it into the pool.

"You do wish to be found worthy do you not? Retrieve it."

The Dunkleosteus (who I'm going to just call Duncan) scents blood in the water and thrashes about. The wizard looks on nervously.

"Go retrieve it! Duncan can scent cowardice"

>> No.38932197

>>38932112
>Wizard: I'm not going in bloody there....

>Party: yes you sodding are

>Ali: do you wish to forfeit the trial?

>Cruella: isn't the bracelet metal?

>Wizard: Yes....why?...oooooh

The wizard closes his eyes and sure enough, the bracelet rises above the water, Duncan makes a bite at it but misses, it lands at Ali's feet.

He seems a tiny bit put out that no one dived in.
"The normal process is to satiate Duncan with slaves first... But I am sure he will not be hungry for long..."

>> No.38932353

>>38932197
DM seems fairly serene and we can't tell if that was what we were meant to do or not...

In any event, Ali agrees to begin to teach the wizard how the process works. This takes a couple of days in game but is glossed over quite quickly. The rest of us try to stay out of the way and not get sacrificed to anything.

The wizard seems to be ok learning on goats but everytime we see him he is covered in more and more blood. Learning this stuff can't be good for him.

Eventually he reports that "Ali says tomorrow I am ready to practice on humans"

>Time perhaps to put an end to this...

We interrogate him, does this mean he knows everything required to drill for oil? >Nearly. Tomorrow is when he will learn.
Can the process be modified to work without humans?
>Yes, probably.

That settles it then. Tomorrow we wipe out the cult of Daem. They may have been quite nice to us, really nice in fact, but the fact of the matter is...they practice human sacrifice and that is enough of a reason for the purple penguin.

>> No.38932402

>>38932353
The DM has us all roll a D20. Angus rolls highest.

The note the DM passed to Angus (I later learned) read "Congratulations during the night you have been kidnapped"

We discover his absence on waking the next morning.

>> No.38932479

>>38932197
So what are the wizard's limits in regards to metal?

He can alter the paths of bullets and bring metal to him, but he can't do anything to metal that was forged by someone else like the chains holding down Horus?

>> No.38932515

>>38932402
We search for him to no avail, we definitely had him with us when we went to our separate quarters, his room seems to have no trapdoors or secret passages we...

>Ali sweeps in

We tactfully ask him where Angus is.

>Your slave? I have had him staked out in the desert. I assume that is why you brought him...

(Anon may recall that Angus was notionally disguised as Cruellas slave for this adventure to allow him, as an orc, to be seen in public)

>> No.38932615

>>38932515
I wonder if your DM had a different scenario planned out for each party member if they would've rolled highest.

>> No.38932685

>>38932479
>On wizards

The largest part of the wizards powers were DM Fiat but it can be outlined thusly:

The wizard could with sufficient time and effort move, alter in form or composition nearly any metal. This was relative to several factors.

1. What it was made of
2. If it had an enchantment or was "cold iron" Which the wizard hadn't himself forged. Cold iron being the same stuff faeries are allergic to. Also we learnt at the north pole that alien materials caused trouble too.
3. Was it a bound metal object?

The wizard could summon prepared metal objects (for example sharp things or indeed chainsaws because fuck yeah chainsaws) We know that chainsaws aren't all metal but again, fuck yeah, chainsaws.

He got a bonus to items which were "of his house" I.e. made of iron or an alloy of such. If anon recalls there were other wizardry houses of different metals.

If the wizard wanted to do something outwith the usual stuff, then he had to roleplay a good reason and roll sufficiently well. (This is where a large chunk of the DM Fiat came in)

All of the above and any use of his powers could fatigue him (As happened most notably in the adventure of the Brunmigi)

I can attempt to give more detail but that's about all I recall currently. Sorry I thought I'd explained all that someplace.

>> No.38932721

>>38932615
I think his plan was that there was a good excuse for almost all of us to be dissapeared, (Cruella being a woman, me being a dwarf, navvie being big and dumb and full of blood, bard being...actually I'm not sure what his excuse would have been)

>> No.38932809

>>38932685
Oh and while I'm thinking about wizards, he did try the "blood has iron in it" argument to try to explode someone at some point. It needs to be sufficiently concentrated, therefore his powers were fairly limited in that regard, it was I think a good way of having magic that wasn't the stuff /tg/ complains about when it comes to fighter vs wizard

>> No.38932918

>>38932515
We decide that killing Ali at this stage is not a good idea, as he obviously knows where Angus is, and can lead us to him.

We follow him out into the desert, with Ismails help, the wizard asks, "if most of this works on goats, why do you need to use people? Couldn't you just modify the process?"

Mad Ali seems a bit shocked by the idea. "Because Daem demand it, you wouldn't want to insult Daem would you?"

>> No.38933003

>>38932685
Most of it you covered, the bit about cold iron I don't recall though.

And I don't recall the faeries allergy to cold iron being brought up before in the campaign stories told so far (though I had heard of it before elsewhere).

>> No.38933062

>>38933003
Ah my apologies I had thought I'd maentioned the chains binding horus were cold iron.

The general idea of faeries being allergic to the stuff is where we borrowed it from.

>> No.38933223

>>38933062
No, you mentioned that part about Horus' chains being cold iron, you just never said why the wizard couldn't do anything with cold iron.

>> No.38934020

>>38933223
Ah my bad.

>> No.38934321

>>38932918
"No no of course we don't want to insult your crazy God."

In the distance there is a scream, a crack and a pillar of oil gushing into the sky.

>Ali: "oh look at that they have started without us!"

>oh fuck they've started without us.

>> No.38934449

Their god is represented by a huge fish that lives in the desert... and it wants blood.

I feel as if their are puns to be made about this, but they're just keep slipping away.

>> No.38934880

>>38934449
Fishy concept?

>>38934321
Again we start to see familiar shapes staked out on the sand. One of which is green and refreshingly unexploded.

Mad Ali takes us to a restrained body near Angus. DM takes great pleasure in describing the poor dishevelled slave, how the bonds chafe her wrists, how her eyes implore us.

>Mad Ali: practice on this one first. Use what you have learnt wizard.

He looks expectantly.

The wizard totally fluffs his attempt to postpone things.

"I...I'm....umm...are you sure?"

>Yes wizard, use what you have learned, you know the ritual, I will complete the last step.

There is a lot of muttering between the party as this goes on. It boils down to "are we going to let her he exploded? We still don't know the last steps...we might need those..." Suddenly this seems very familiar, thinking back to the first adventure, this is sort of fate is what we were saving people from...But we really need that process..."

>> No.38934937

>>38934880
More like a fish out of water.

>> No.38934952

>>38934880
More to the point do we actually know how powerful Ali is...is this a good idea?

At Ali's coaxing the wizard starts to chant, to perform the ritual, the slave screams into her gag, her eyes becoming bloodshot.

Blood soaks into the sand.

>> No.38934982

>>38934952
Cruella drives Excalibur deeper into Ali's chest.

Ismail doesn't translate but he manages to gasp what can only be "why?"

>bacause purple penguins. Thats why.

>> No.38935001

>>38934982
>bacause

My god using a mobile device to post on this place leads to amazing typos

>> No.38935148

>>38935001
dont worry bout it, i cant help but image the peguins voice is that of a little kid, typos just reinforce the image :)

>> No.38935368

>>38935148
Up until now I haven't really thought about that, but trying to imagine a bird's voice just makes me think of a parrot.

>> No.38935597

>>38932039
>>38932055
>legit favorite animal shows up in Britbongsteros

Damn it. I want to hate GM because he's a cunt but this is super redeeming in my eyes.

>> No.38935679
File: 35 KB, 420x319, Wrong-Trousers-penguin-wallace-and-gromit-21552286-420-319.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38935679

>>38935368
>>38935148


You know it never occurred to me that that was the penguin speaking, but I'll go with that.

>>38934982
We quite efficiently butcher the rest of the cult of Daem, spilling plenty of blood while we're at it. The slaves seem grateful to be free for the most part, aside from a few who seem awfully dissapointed not to be going to meet their god.

One of the latter category asks us (via Ismail) 'Aren't you afraid of [Duncan]?'

> Ha! Why should we be afraid of a fish in a desert?

'You really should be...'

>> No.38935720
File: 25 KB, 262x366, feathers.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38935720

>>38935597
DM actually has a number of redeeming features, but he's still a cunt when he DMs

>> No.38935767

>>38935679
>>38935720
Oops forgot to namefag.

>>38934880
It occurs to us that we haven't wiped out the Cult of Daem in it's entirety, about 3/4s of it are back up on the hill, with their families, and one very big fish.

Really we can't just bugger off and leave them to be sacrificing folk.

We double check, the wizard seems to think he's learnt enough of the process to try it out back home, so we've ticked that box of our objective.

>> No.38935770

>>38935679
Not like you haven't killed gods before.

>> No.38935863

>>38935770
If Duncan is armored like a real Dunkleosteus they may have trouble pushing Excalibur through him. Damn things were basically swimming tanks with a bite strength on par with the strongest croc bites today. Up until now they gods they've fought have been fleshy and cutable, Duncan a different story.

Then again, this is Britbongsteros and crqzy shit happens.

>> No.38935953

>>38935770
Anon is entirely correct

>>38935863

So is this guy.

>>38935767
We go back up the hill in half-murderhobo, (remember there's kids in there, and the purple penguin likes kids) we start getting tacti-cool as we get closer, there doesn't seem to be anyone on the walls, and one parkour'ing Cruella and one Navvie shaped hole in the gates later seems to confirm it.

>Where the fuck is everybody?

Our first port of call is where we were staying, Angus collects his flamethrower.

>Angus: 'I wonder what Dunkelosteus tastes like?'

On our way to the lower levels we pass through the courtyard, and confirm that one very familiar camel is still alive as are some others. We decide this is probably going to get violent, but we should probably bring based Ismail along in case we need to be diplomatic.

>> No.38936025

>>38935953
As we get lower, and lower, we notice that it seems like the walls are a little damp, the passageway certainly is, it's not just condensation, one quick finger taste says it's blood, rather a lot of the stuff too.

We get deeper and into the caves, just in time to see what we assume is the last cult member slit his own throat, and fall backwards into the pool.

>> No.38936113

>>38936025
Looks like it's turning out to be Ireland all over again.

>> No.38936124 [SPOILER] 
File: 63 KB, 545x363, 1427322080649.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38936124

>>38936025
We approach the pool, taking a careful look around, there really isn't anyone left, but the floor is wet, about an inch or two deep in blood now, the pool is overflowing.

Based Ismail stands near the altar looking in, we have a quick conference,

>let's go, what is a fish gonna do, and the cult is all dead. We should check again for surviors and get gone.

Ismail starts to speak, 'Let's not look for survivors, lets not wait around, let's GO!'

>> No.38936310
File: 940 KB, 500x265, deep_blue_sea_death.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38936310

>>38936124
Ismail continues,

>Please effendi, it is not a good idea to stay we must leave.

The blood/water/watery-blood seems to be rising. It's level with the top of my boots now and getting higher.

>Please we must leave this is a very bad place to be now....

Ismail still has his back to the pool. Damn that blood is rising fast.

There's a very loud bang. The (only) entrance to the chamber seems to have just collapsed in on itself.

Then pic related happens.

>Hi Duncan, you seem a lot bigger...

>> No.38936343

>>38936310
I'm surprised no one in your group saw that coming.

>> No.38936576

>>38936343
We can be surprisingly dense at times...

>> No.38937333

>>38936576
Especially after seeing that blood rituals never lead to anything good once before already.

>> No.38938518

>>38937333
That is very true. It's quite rare that blood rituals lead to anything good.

>We are gonna need a bigger boat...

The water (blood) level is starting to rise, and a quick assessment of the door way shows no hope of getting out in time. So we are stuck in about two feet of blood with a giant fish that seemingly is very keen on eating us.

Duncan bides his time in his pool.

The DM helpfully fills a pint glass with a little beer every couple minutes, the fluid level in that representing that in the cavern.

We examine our surroundings. If Duncan is a smart fish he will wait for the water level to rise a good bit. The cavern has ledges around it leading upward the dome of the roof. We can't climb out of the hole from the ledges but we can keep going until we think of something better than "get eaten by Duncan."

If the water level rises high enough, we could in theory float out of the skylight.

(I'd direct anon to the pic posted above for the cavern)

>> No.38938949

>>38938518
I'd imagine swimming in blood would be like swimming in syrup.

Would you float?

>> No.38938998

>>38938949
It depends how old the blood is, I guess. Would have to be quite fresh to swim in - coagulation don't take long.

>> No.38939044

>>38938949
With Duncan in the water we didn't really feel like paddling at this point, but we did get up on a ledge and started climbing. It was pretty slow going for every yard we went upward we went six or seven horizontally. Angus and Cruella did alright, the rest of us had to rely on the wizard summoning and drilling pitons in the wall. We got about a third of the way up with the water level rapidly catching up to us when we next saw Duncan, just a subtle flick of his tail breaking the water below us.

I don't know if anon has ever been trapped in a cave rapidly filling with blood and your only company is an angry murderous devonian fish, but it is not a good feeling.

>> No.38939058

>>38938998
Considering Duncan seems to be drawing power from the amount of blood coagulation would probably be an issue for him. Blood's probably got some magic anticoagulant going on.

>> No.38939123

>>38939058
Either that or the cult used to just keep the blood coming so he always had a fresh supply.

>> No.38939135

>>38938949
>>38938998
>>38939058
>>38939123
/tg/ I love you.

>> No.38939204

>>38939135
We never really considered it at the time (our attention being devoted to the giant murderfish) but fresh blood/water was welling up out of the original pond in which Duncan lived, so I assume that was still ongoing and with all the magic flying about, it was indeed acting as an anticoagulant.

Also how do you guys know so much about blood? I mean I know why I do (yay forensic medicine!) but yeah...

>> No.38939208

>>38939135
no GM should be without a rudimentary knowledge of the circulatory system

>> No.38939239

>>38939204
> how do you guys know so much about blood?

There was a documentary on BBC 4 this afternoon.

>> No.38939267

>>38939204
Why would you think anons wouldn't know so much about blood?

>> No.38939347

>>38939204
We continue climbing, settling on a ledge maybe halfway up, the ledge is about five feet wide and ten long. Getting to the next ledge is going to be a tricky ascent across almost sheer rock. Going will be very slow and we have no ropes.

Suddenly...

>actually where is that fish?

We hold onto the wizard as he leans out to place the first piton.

We watch the water carefully.

Nothing.

There's a thud directly from below us as Duncan rams the ledge with his armoured forehead, cracks appear beneath our feet as blood/water begins to lap at the edges

>> No.38939434

>>38939347
We urge the wizard to work faster as Duncan rams the ledge again, bits of rock falling away now, the wizard is a few feet above us and climbing fast. Duncan comes straight up through the far end of the ledge, he is gone before we can even get a bead on him

>> No.38939464

>>38939434
And there anon is where I must pass out. More will follow tomorrow

>> No.38939496

>>38939204
>Also how do you guys know so much about blood?

Papa was a paramedic and mama was a surgeon. Medical shit was always getting thrown out randomly. I now use it for GMing rather than actual medical applications.

>> No.38939721

>>38939464
Alright, I'll try and keep the thread up till then.

>> No.38942397

baump

>> No.38942535

>>38935953
It's probably tastes horrible, and not just because it spends all its time swimming around in blood of questionable age.

Probably as eatable as a coelacanth.

>> No.38943983

So does the Bard wear a badass eye-patch, or did he get a fake eye?

I know Aldous got a metal arm from the fight with the vampires, but I don't know if Britbongsteros has the technology for a replacement eye.

>> No.38944708

I'm gonna give this a bump before bed and hopefully it'll get some more posts while I'm asleep to keep it afloat.

>> No.38945005

yup, bumpin

>> No.38945564

>>38943983
I think he got the eye. Marble

>> No.38947155

Giving this a quick morning tea break bump.

>> No.38948126

And another bump, because

>> No.38948776

>>38945564
Imagine if he got a laser eye, but only used it for special effects during his performances.

>> No.38950083

Late afternoon bump.

>> No.38951339

>>38950083
evening-ish over here in Bear-many

rawr

>> No.38951927

>>38951339
It's only mid afternoon here.

>> No.38951968
File: 22 KB, 425x211, Screenshot from 2015-03-26 20:29:14.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38951968

>>38951927

>> No.38952010

>>38951339
>>38951927
Morning over here in NZ
Speaking of which I wonder what NZ is like in Britbongsteros setting

>> No.38952053

>>38952010
I'm assuming basically Middle Earth.

>> No.38952089

>>38952053
Here I was thinking it would be cannibal central but I'm pretty ok with that idea

>> No.38952115

>>38952089
All the cannibals probably went to oz, which I seem to remember being described as basically hell on Earth

>> No.38952369

>>38951968
Looks like we've got a 5 hour time difference.

>> No.38952910

>>38952369
it's always sorta fun for me imagining the bumps going around the world.

>> No.38952940

>>38939434
I was trying to think of an appropriately sea based metal song. I got stuck on this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRibnHiuZkQ The Life Aquatic Soundtrack - Ping Island/Lightining Strike Rescue Op

though really I should go with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd3ZiAwmLpM Sabbath - Children of the Sea

Anyway. Back to Duncan shortly.

>> No.38952959

>>38952910
>>38952940
Hey your back quick question what is the answer to>>38952010?

>> No.38953059

>>38952940
Alestorm?

>> No.38953183
File: 236 KB, 990x797, haasts-eagle-large-990x797.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38953183

>>38952959
We never actually crossed into that hemisphere (well not really) but I'd imagine a lot of pic related and hobbits, lots and lots of angry, metal, maori hobbits.

>> No.38953264

>>38953183
Haasts eagles + angry Maori hobbits= eagle cavalry?

>> No.38953274

>>38953059
> Wut is Alestorm?

>Cruella hates it.

I LOVE IT.

>> No.38953487

>>38952940
Duncan rams the ledge again, there's not much of this thing left.

We start to climb, he's hot on our heels, jumping, snapping, and generally being certain death. We make it to another ledge, and he stops, waiting for the waters to rise.

We keep climbing, knowing that we're gonna have to swim the final stretch, and really must do something about him.

>> No.38953760

>>38953487
>What exactly can we do about one extremely large, angry, armoured, god-fish?

We try to plan as best we can, fire isn't gonna do much, neither will shotgun shells, getting close to hammer/stab him doesn't seem wise either, this leaves the wizard and the bard.

>> No.38953768

>>38942535
>Probably as eatable as a coelacanth
How edible are those?
Also where can you eat coelacanth?

>> No.38953880

>>38953768
if I recall rightly, you really, really, don't want to.

>>38953760
Our options are starting to run low, the DM's pint glass is nearly full (it would actually have been a while ago if he didn't keep drinking out of it by mistake). We consider exactly what the wizard could do. We're a bit short of metal, and summoning random sharp objects is probably not gonna do a great deal.

Our thoughts are interrupted by Duncan making a leap at us, he misses everyone but his nose touches the cavern wall behind us, if we're doing something, it needs to be done fast.

>> No.38954210

>>38953760
>this leaves the wizard and the bard
bard plays music to charm fish?

>> No.38954660

>>38953880
>>38953768
Coelacanths are high in oil and contain some indigestible compounds.

I want to say they contain some form of cholesterol that the human body can't break down, but I might be thinking of oarfish.

>> No.38954705

Sorry Anons tonight's story time may be a bit shorter than usual. I may be back later tonight or tomorrow evening.

>> No.38954902

>>38954210
Angus is the one in this party who tires to fuck everything, the bard seems to avoid this stereotype.

>> No.38954958

>>38954902
o.O "charm" as in "make peaceful", not as in "seduce". although that is... ah.. a troubling thought.

>> No.38954978

>>38954958
The bard's music has been know to kill random listeners.

I don't think it was ever made clear how that works.

>> No.38956439

Sinking kind of quick right now.

>> No.38956484

>>38953880
A quick couple posts before bed to try and finish off the longest (I think) tale of britbongsteros

>> No.38956539

>>38956484
It's the longest so far, about the length if not longer than all previous tales combined.

>> No.38956567

>>38954902
>Tries
You mean succeeds

>>38953880

Well with no real bonuses to charm fish the bard is out, so that leaves the wizard, we would have some grenades but no one carried them.We have however seen jaws...

Angus takes some persuading to give up the fuel tank of his beloved flame thrower, the wizard is able to levitate it quite comfortably, the tricky part is persuading Duncan to open his mouth at the right time...

>> No.38956630

>>38956539
I guess there's really about four adventures in here tbh but it all got filed together in my head as "that time we went to the sandy place"

>>38956567
What we need is bait...the Navvie is too slow, I'm about as heavy as him, Cruella will stab us, we need the wizard so that leaves the already unhappy Angus or the bard, who is wearing a kilt.

We grab Angus by the ankles and dangle him off the ledge while I cock the hammer of my pistol.

>> No.38956653

>>38956630
Duncan true to form does his best to eat Angus, who due to some very lucky rolls is able to avoid being eaten and is actually totally unscathed, Duncan does grab the cannister and swallows it. Whole.

>Oh.

>> No.38956677

>>38956630
Angus is having a very bad day so far.

Once you've told all the story and it's all on 1d4chan, you think you'll go through it and do some re-organizing or whatever?

>> No.38956705

>>38956653
So we are left with charm fish or a new plan, the water is rising...

We are going to get eaten or drown and then get eaten soon.

Its time for true heroism, a noble act to be told to future generations.

At least that's what I tell myself as I'm hung over the ledge of the cliff, even without a bonus to accuracy from the wizard, I'm still the best shot in the party.

>> No.38956738

>>38956705
Duncan resurfaces, some distance away. he is a fairly smart fish after all, and he must sense we aren't likely to want to feed ourselves to him...

He comes closer, experimentally floating just below me, eyeing me. He submerges. This must be it....

>> No.38956799

>>38956738
He breaches the water below me, I don't wait to fire I empty the whole cyclinder down his throat.

He neatly snips off my arm (the good one) and submerges. The water boils, bubbles and then there is an explosion within the depths. I however am busy not dying from blood loss and being patched up by the bard.

The water rises and my unconscious body is dragged through the hole in the ceiling to safety.

>> No.38956830

>>38956799
The trip back to port Said is uneventful, though we pass more and more refugees, it seems we have caused all out civil war. It sure would be nice to get home.

The wizard is adamant he can build me a new arm once we are about the dreadnowt and then its home for tea and medals.

>> No.38956847

>>38956799
Soon you're going to be more machine than dwarf.

Or at least have a cyborg murder body on par with Sir Patrick Moore's.

>> No.38956858

>>38956830
The dreadnowt is still in harbour and appears normal. No one has been eaten by the bowling ball, and we celebrate by collapsing into our respective beds. Sunburned, missing a limb in my case (I liked that arm!) and ready for the voyage home.

>> No.38956920

>>38956858
The voyage sees a return to normality as we steam through the med, the captain. is very pleased with us. I am very pleased with my new arm, and Angus has retreated down to the engine room with the other engineers. He was last heard of muttering about "Willy Pete."

I should add. Angus somehow got that fucking camel aboard.

>> No.38956964

>>38956847
I don't want to give too much away but there's a lot worse in store

>portents of doom
Captain DM reports that the bowling ball can be heard rattling around in its cell. Every night about the same time. When Mars is highest in the sky...

>> No.38957016

>>38956964
I am imagining awful things will happen to your beard.

>> No.38957074

>>38957016
Well the last adventure is called "everybody dies" but we have one more to go

>> No.38957476

>>38957074
That's probably less anti-climactic than it sounds.

>> No.38959548

Bumping.

>> No.38961559

Back to the top with you.

>> No.38963059

Bump we goes

>> No.38964566

Bump of eating a bacon roll

>> No.38964827

bump

>> No.38965326

>>38956799
Reminder to readers that a non-god Dunkleosteus' mouth is basically an 8000psi pincer so this would be extra painful.

>> No.38966232
File: 1.42 MB, 636x288, efrweiee89ro9puau7kk.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38966232

>>38965326
>extra painful
I'd think it would be through the arm very quickly, so not exactly painful - a short sting, and then passing out from shock?

But then I'm not a trauma surgeon... rawr.

2:30pm in Bärenland.

>> No.38967151

I'll give this an almost lunch time bump from giant storms and oranges peninsula.

>> No.38968335

patiently waiting

rawr

>> No.38968512

>>38968335
I'm here anons, I'll continue a bit before I have some more work to do then I'm gonna get loaded.

>> No.38968598

>>38956964
We sail through the straits of Gibraltar without incident. We decide after a good night's rest to listen out for what Antrygos (the bowling ball) is doing that night.

He has been sealed inside a store room, not portholes and only one way out through a bulkhead door which is guarded by two ratings with a deadman switch. (Britbongsteros does not fuck about). We take over from the ratings who are very relieved not to have to hang around near Antrygos.

>> No.38968631

>>38968598
We don't have to wait long in the corridor (Cruella has sensibly acquired a deck chair, the wizard summons a steel plate bent at a right angle and sits on that, the rest of us just lean against the wall and smoke or play cards).

Soon there comes the sound of a rolling ball, sliding from side to side within the room, getting faster and faster.

>> No.38968667

>>38968631
Antrygos makes everyone near him uneasy, he doesn't seem to be doing much beyond rolling, we can't see him rolling (but we hate him). He doesn't roll in easy motions like with the waves but fast and frenetic, stopping, starting, never with a rhythm, moments of silence then thudding like he's jumping.

>> No.38968711

>>38968667
>Maybe we should crack the door?

We chat about the idea, doing our best not to listen to him bouncing or whatever alien balls do.

>GREETINGS OAF, IDIOT, MIDGET, BREEDER, LECHER AND SKILLED MUSICIAN.

His voice comes from right in the middle of us. Definitely not muffled by the room.

>> No.38968743

>>38968711
And now I will wonder who's oaf and who's idiot for the rest of the night...

>> No.38968768

>>38968711
There's nothing in the hallway, and we can still hear him rolling about.

>I SAID GREETINGS. ANSWER ME MORTALS.

>Cruella: Aaw he sounds lonely

>I NEED NONE OF YOUR PITY MORTAL, BUT YES I YEARN FOR COMPANY

>> No.38968822

>>38968768
You do realise you eat people and turn them into Martians Antrygos? You're not exactly likeable.

>I AM TO BE FEARED NOT LIKED.

Alright well we could just go and leave you too it...

>NO DO NOT GO. I COMMAND IT.

So you are lonely?

>YES. NO. I DEMAND AN AUDIENCE

>> No.38968855

>>38968822
And why is that Antrygos?

>I HAVE WAITED MANY YEARS ALONE

Cruella: Aaw

>AND NOW YOU SHOULD KNOW THE CHANCES OF ANYTHING COMING FROM MARS DO NOT WANE (Wayne?) THEY GROW

>> No.38969072

>>38968855
Couldn't resist with a setup like that
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As0v-tzU-PY

>> No.38969246

>>38969072
What can I say, we love our references

>> No.38969334

Bump

>> No.38969559

>>38968855
and what do you mean by that Antgyros?

>THE ENEMY IS COMING. IT IS CERTAIN.

He bounces around some more.

How do you know?

>CAN YOU NOT FEEL THEIR CREEPING PRESENCE? OR ARE YOU BEASTS THAT UNDERDEVELOPED?

>> No.38969885

Bump

>> No.38970778

Bump

>> No.38971760

>>38969559
He sure is a nice guy huh?

>YOUR AFFAIRS ARE BEING WATCHED BY INTELLIGENCES BY INTELLIGENCES GREATER THAN YOURS. SCRUTINISED LIKE THE TRANSIENT CREATURES THAT SWARM AND MULTIPLY IN A DROP OF WATER. ANTGYROS CARES NOT. ANTGYROS CARES ONLY FOR HIMSELF. ANTGRYOS DEMANDS YOU SACRIFICE YOURSELVES TO PROTECT HIS MIGHT.

Antgyros are you...are you scared?

>ANTGYROS CANNOT FEEL FEAR. ANTGYROS KNOWS NOT THIS EMOTION.

You are aren't you?

>NEVER. THEY REGARD YOUR EARTH WITH ENVIOUS EYES AND SLOWLY AND SURELY, DRAW THEIR PLANS AGAINST YOU. ANTGYROS DEMANDS YOU ENSURE HE SURVIVES.

Antgyros. You're terrified...


>NO. I FEEL NO FEAR.

The ball stops rolling.

>> No.38971784

>>38971760
Can you tell us what's coming Antgyros?

He remains silent.

When will they arrive?

He remains silent.

Why are you so afraid.

There is a final decisive clunk as though he has come to rest and isn't going to move again for some time.

So begins our next tale: Good Omens.

>> No.38972096 [SPOILER] 
File: 76 KB, 241x396, 1427491947599.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38972096

>>38971784
> Good Omens

Damn it, man.

the wound is still fresh ;_;

>> No.38972130

>>38971784
Antgyros refuses to be drawn for the rest of the voyage. We actually begin to suspect he's ignoring us. We dock at Portsmouth at night, waving goodbye to the Dreadnowt and feeling a bit cold to arrive in a Britbongsteros winter.

There's a couple things worth restating at this point. Long range communication in Britbongsteros is done by albatross or telegraph. News is fast but not that fast. Especially not on the Dreadnowt calling in at foreign ports.

News that the Germans have annexed Ipswich comes as a bit of a surprise.

We are obligated to return first to London and the Privy Council, taking Antgyros with us. He won't answer questions but does occasionally exclaim "GET YOUR DAMN DIRTY PAWS OFF ME YOU APE" and similar.

>> No.38972157

>>38972130
By the way, I'm still really sorry Germ-anon

>> No.38972354

>>38972096
We meet with Sir Patrick (CYBORG MURDER BODY) Moore and hand over Antgyros. He listens with great interest as we explain who and what he is. Sir Patrick (robot McFacepunch) Moore informs us he has seen seven sequential flashes come from Mons Olympus on each of the last consecutive nights.

>> No.38972467

>>38972354
If that sounds familiar, well it should...

>> No.38972556

>>38972354
We leave Antgyros and Sir Patrick (bionic man of violence) [it really helps if you think of him as being a space marine Dreadnought) to chat.

Richard III and Blackadder seem fairly pleased with us, and the process is demonstrated near Windsor Castle (yes there's oil under that) using a sheep.

We share a mutton curry with Richard III and Blackadder, and the process is safely written down to be trasmitted via albatross to Aberdeen.

Then we come to the "annexation."

>> No.38972634

>>38972556
The Germans have landed in divisional strength in Ipswich. Two brigades of Bears and one of Prussian Gryphons. They don't seem overtly hostile, just they have claimed Ipswich and are fortifying it.

The Privy Council have a plan which is two-fold.

1. We (the party) politely ask them to fuck off.

2. We drive a battalion of Landcruisers into Ipswich.

>> No.38972736

>>38972634
>Why are they there?

We have no idea, it's Ipswich!

>Why weren't they stopped/spotted? After the Ireland "incident" there's not as much home fleet as you'd expect. They are keeping a fleet of Cruisers off Walmington on Sea. There is still a local force in platoon strength of soldiers from the Boer War doing sterling services guarding their homes and reporting on German movements. Their Captain Manwaring (V.C.) and Lance Corporal (V.C., O.B.E., Khorne Bezerker) Jones have kept up observation via albatross and telegraph since the "annexation" with L.C. Jones holding a bridge against successive waves of bears with nothing but a broomhandle with a knife strapped to it.

>> No.38972757

>>38972736
Just adding. God I love Britbongsteros.

>> No.38972829
File: 23 KB, 400x299, dont_tell_him_pike.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38972829

>>38972736
In other news, King Algernon has made representations to the Kaiser, but we have yet to have received a reply.

The communications from the locals in Ipswich indicate the Germans are not hostile, but are politely and efficiently taking names of locals and then moving them outside of the town. They are digging in like they expect the entire first world war to take place in the locale of Ipswich.

>> No.38972886

there's quite a lot of British happening, so just making sure all non-british anons are following?

(and I'm not talking to myself)

>> No.38972922

>>38972886
Don't know much about Ipswich and I feel I may have missed a reference or two but as I understand it the Germans have annexed and heavily fortified an unimportant town for no apparent reason and with a minimum of violence.

>> No.38972969

>>38972922
>Ipswich - very boring

>Home Guard - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DRip7QLC8g (Dad's army) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dad%27s_Army

>> No.38973100

>>38972922
also yes, you are entirely correct.

also this is possibly for the british anons but

>TFW when your entire party could be dad's army.

Anyway. So the Landcruisers, at top speed of 8 knots per hour, will arrive in Ipswich in 48 hours. We have that time to come to a peaceful solution.

Sir Hobart is leading the Landcruisers along with Sir Rirchard Clarkson May and they are being escorted by a Ghurkha regiment lead by Sir Stahig (pronounced Stig).

>> No.38973127

God damn do I love this setting.

(is there anything of note in the midlands and/or Manchester)

And do you have a new arm yet, oh knight of the Purple Penguin?

>> No.38973246

>>38973127
Basically Midlands is a mixing bowl of Northern Dwarves, soft southern Faeries, and normal people.

Manchester is a city of ivory towers and lotus eaters, each and all so finely musically talented that...dammit I'm sorry I just can't.

Basically it has a booming industry in cotton mills, but the average life expectancy is 26 (actually true in Victorian Manchester). Love is expressed through a headbutt, urchins sell matches and effluent throws knee deep through the streets. The Faeries who live on the outskirts profit massively from the labours of the poor in the centre.

>> No.38973269

>>38973127
and before I forget, yes I got a new one while aboard the Dreadnowt.

>> No.38973271

>>38973100
I swear if the words 'don't tell them, Angus!' Or similar are not uttered, it will have been a terrible waste.

>> No.38973322

>>38973246
Sounds familiar.
Though manchester is normally drunk

You translate places so well, I'm now thinking I shouldn't go to Dundee

>> No.38973372

>>38973322
you should never go to Dundee, the main road through dundee is most efficiently designed so that you can drive through it as quickly as possible.

In all fairness though, Dundee in Britbongsteros (and actual Dundee until about 1905) was a thriving trade city. It's now full of most excellent early Georgian achitecture decaying in very sad ways.

>> No.38973417

>>38973372
I always feel a tiny bit racist when I post about places I've been...


Anyway have some music anons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crT03EroewI

>> No.38973962

>>38973417
still here, just umm...well you don't ignore a drunk Cruella....

>> No.38974951

Catching up with this thread now.

>> No.38974976

>>38965326
From reports of accidents with hydraulic machining equipment: It's not particularly painful initially
(mostly a throbbing in the stump where the muscle has been bruised by compression from being joined to the crushed section), but this is mostly due to shock. Once that wears off, it is Quite Unpleasant.

>> No.38975257

Bump

>> No.38975857

also bump

>> No.38975929

2 am in bear country.

rawr

ps.
sorry about the whole invasion thing

>> No.38976160

>>38975929
Its alright, it was only Ipswich.

>> No.38976346

>>38976160
a boring place without any strategic worth, very carefully taken and organized, heavily fortified for no apparent reason? seems sketchy to me

>> No.38976375

>>38976346
Well yeah, of course it's a trap. The question is, who or what is it a trap FOR?

>> No.38976418

>>38976375
Well, at least this time they are safely afar from Dorking...

>> No.38976447

>>38976346
That's just how Jerry does things.

>> No.38978063

Bumping from page 10.

>> No.38979797

bump

>> No.38982432

bump

>> No.38983527

>>38976375
>>38976418
>>38978063
>>38975929
As I've said before, you lot really do make all the posting totally worthwhile

>> No.38984405

buump

>> No.38984947

Good morning bump.

>> No.38985699

Midmorning bump from the godawful Midwest.

>> No.38986254
File: 598 KB, 1340x8290, chNIobG.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38986254

>>38973100
I'll be back later today properly but just making a small addition.

>Ghurkhas.

In Britbongsteros these haven't changed a bit. You really should be scared of Ghurkhas.

Nepal is pretty much as you'd expect, they regularly fight Chinese dragons and scare off the odd invasion. Seriously. Ghurkhas are hardcore.

>> No.38987111
File: 70 KB, 500x531, Chill-Bear.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38987111

6pm

rawr


>>38976375
chill, bro, it's cool
totally not a trap

>> No.38987188
File: 55 KB, 800x527, Oso polar, Operation Wunderland II, 1943_02.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38987188

>>38987111
>their faces when the bear trap backfired

>> No.38987253

>>38987188
that picture makes me sad

/tg/ what are you doing to me?? rawwwr?

>> No.38987380
File: 54 KB, 589x426, Francia, Saint-Nazaire_15.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
38987380

>>38987253
>tip my Panama

>> No.38988602

Ah-ah ah-ah stayin' alive!

>> No.38989567

post-dinner rawr

>> No.38992165

giving this a nudge off page 10

>> No.38992766

I'm glad the thread is still up.

>> No.38993376

Midday bump from the shire

>> No.38994667

Hello anons. Posting resuming now until I fall asleep.

>> No.38994866

>>38994667
So with the Germans not actually being as hostile as one might expect an invasion to be, and instead they respond to force but only on a local level. It's like they are here to fight, but not us...

>> No.38995722

>>38994866
It really brightens up my day that this thread didn't go down, because my day was shit. Like walking through the desert without supplies shit.

I suspect the Germans want a land cruiser.

>> No.38998194

Bumping.

>> No.39000041

bump

>> No.39000458

bump ba ba bump ba
bump ba ba bump ba
ba bump

>> No.39003181

bump

>> No.39003190

Bumping before bed.

Hopefully it'll make it through the night.

>> No.39003410
File: 1.75 MB, 2814x5424, 1423325444358.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39003410

Anybody mind if i post what i have of the story thus far?

And can anyone post the rest after i've run out?

>> No.39003433
File: 210 KB, 1134x1723, 1423352747339.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39003433

>>39003410

>> No.39003504
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39003504

>>39003433

>> No.39003575
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39003575

>>39003504

>> No.39003610
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39003610

>>39003575

>> No.39003623
File: 349 KB, 1136x3198, 1423353455921.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39003623

>>39003610

Aaaaaaaaand that's all I have.

Anybody else able to pick up the story?

>> No.39004565

>>39003623
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Britbongsteros

Everything up to this thread is there. Pretty sure that's as close as you're gonna get to having everything screencapped.

Also bump.

>> No.39006040
File: 179 KB, 600x900, Chill-Bear2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39006040

rawr

>> No.39006241

>>39004565
Sometimes I have to make some changes when I add to that page since I don't add the pics Aldous posts for visual aide.

>> No.39006460

I was curious so I copied the wiki into MS Word, there are over 40,000 words of Britbongsteros on there.

Holy shit.

>> No.39007220

>>39006460
The setting section still needs work if anyone else wants to re-word it in a more wordsmith-y way.

We should probably also include the system on the page as well.

>> No.39007447
File: 51 KB, 600x394, Chill-Bear4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39007447

>>39006460
Maybe Aldous should make it a book?

Would totally buy even though I bloody know the story already.

rawr

>> No.39008757

>>39007447
>>39006460
Also take into account that most of what he's posted in this thread so far hasn't been added to the 1d4chan page yet.

>>38956830
Oh, and did your party ever murder Ali? Or did you just not care enough to hold a grudge at that point?

Just why was he such a little shit?
We may never know.

>> No.39010389

Just giving this a little prod

>> No.39011356

>>38994866
Hello Anons,

As always bumping is appreciated.

Now what was going on...

Ah yes, Bears in Ipswich. Lots of 'em.

So with the clock ticking, we head onward. We know the Landcruisers will reach the area by dawn the day after tomorrow, and we arrive near Colchester with 40 hours to go. We don't really have a plan yet, but the vague outline of one is starting to form.

>> No.39011502

>>39011356
it may be helpful for anon to have a map at this stage.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/place/Ipswich,+Suffolk/@52.0214421,1.1343642,11z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x47d907861ed5d887:0x33ddc3ac7d2d42a9

Just replace Walton on the Naze with Walmington on Sea. So if you've found Colchester, the Germans have landed all along the coast between Walmington and up the coast to Felixstowe, they're inland as far as Ipswich and have stopped there.

The majority of their forces are in the city or surrounding it, diggning in, and fortifying, The Landcruisers once ready will push from Colchester into Ipswich via Copdock (for the Brit-anons it may be fun to imagine the Dad's Army arrows at this stage) while the remains of the Home Fleet will try to circle in from the North and South, trying to close the gap between Felixstowe and Walmington. Even with less hostility than expected, this is still a landing by a foreign power on our coast.

We (the party) are the last attempt at diplomacy and wouldn't even be trying diplomacy if they hadn't been so efficient and reasonable.

>> No.39011596

>>39011502
> Who do you think you are kidding Mr Kaiser?

>> No.39011599

>>39011502
The party agree that walking straight up to their lines, while normally completely insane, actually seems like (with a flag of truce) our best option.


It's about Noon when we set off from Washbrook. The bard pipes and we have a white flag. We are moving slowly, thoroughly and making it very, very obvious we don't have any malicious intent.

The bard plays something neutral (or tries to but fluffs the roll) so off we go to the strains of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogLwHEPyXBE [Raubtier - Achtung Panzer]

>> No.39011621

>>39011596
I think that might do nicely as a title for this chapter.

>> No.39011706

>>39011599
>Raubtier - Achtung Panzer
while that sounds very bear-like, I have no idea what they are singing. Thats not actually german, is it?

rawr

>> No.39011762

>>39011706
It's Swedish as far as I know. I dunno you're bear-anon, you tell me?

>> No.39011841
File: 73 KB, 600x450, Chill-Bear3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39011841

>>39011762
>Swedish
Google rawrs so too. Listening to Panzarmarch, subtitles are also very much not German.
>"Panzermarsch" would've been correct.

>> No.39011894

>>39011762
That should sound way less passive agressive. Apologies.

Anyway.

IT turns out walking across what is nominally no-mans land, we receive no fire, though we can see plenty of troops dug in front of us.

Given that the Bard's performances have been fatal previously, we stop playing about 500 yards out.

We get closer, there are birds singing now, and lots and lots of gun barrels ahead of us. The nature around us is strangely idyllic, English, plants and animals around us, the land green and pleasant.

We jump as a rabbit takes off out of a bush, but we proceed unmolested, we can make out individual figures in feld-grau now.

>> No.39012132

>>38971784
>>39011621
>>39011596
Well let me know what you want it as since that'll be what the first TBA will be changed to.

>> No.39013561
File: 234 KB, 950x534, Chill-Bear6.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39013561

Mitternacht im Bärenlande, ich bin raus.
Midnight in bear country, I am out.

Got to work tomorrow.

>> No.39014456

Gah it ate my post.

>> No.39014513

>>39012132
Either or, or why not both?

As we get closer to the trenches, a shape rises, a Prussian Gryphon.

He has enough English and we have enough German to communicate.

>Who are you and what do you want Englander?

He takes a notebook and pencil from his uniform. "Names und addresses bitte."

I'm not proud to say what followed was a babble of

>Don't tell him your name wizard
>Don't tell him you name Navvie
>Don't tell him your name Aldous
>Hi I'm Bard!

>> No.39014556

>>39014513
He looks unimpressed and smoothes his moustaches.

>You really ought not to be here

Neither should you!

>Ve haff (ahem) we have as much a right as you!

You're German!

>We are on state business. This is not an invasion, it is a peacekeeping annexation.

A what?

>> No.39014687

>>39014513
You mean

>Good Omens, or Who do you think you are kidding, Mr. Kaiser?

>> No.39014721

>>39014556
You can't just march in here and take Ipswich!

>We are doing so because it is undefended and weak. Herr Schiarperelli says so.

Who? (Wait a minute that sounds...familiar).

>> No.39014785

>>39014721
We don't really want to declare war on Germany (I don't this I've made this sufficiently clear yet) as the country is still weak. War may be an eventual certainty yes but at this stage after everything (we have blown up and) the nation has been through, now is not the time for war.

This is why we are here to politely ask the Germans to bugger off.

>> No.39014810

>>39014687
Sounds good to me

>> No.39014870

>>39014687
This anon gets it.

>> No.39015032

>>39014785
The gryphon looks us up and down, and flexes his wings.

>I suggest you come with me. It is perhaps best explained to you by another.

Well we still have about thirty six hours until the bombardment and advance of the landcruisers which we expect will be enough to throw the invasion back (and iredeemably declare war)

>> No.39015787

>>39014721
I'm not sure from where that sounds familiar.

>> No.39017796

I'll give it a bump.

I bet the French are involved in this recent German tactic.

>> No.39019354

bamp

>> No.39020571

Bump for the fatherland.

>> No.39021721

Well I'm going to give this a bump before I go to bed and hope for the best.

>> No.39023873

bumb

>> No.39025761

Bumpan

>> No.39026154

bump

>> No.39026400

>>39015032
We agree to go into Ipswich with the Gryphon officer. There are ordelrly ranks of bears marching to and fro. Digging things up, and houses with pink sheets on them being demolished. The locals seem to have some too (I.e. if your house was demolished then you got a pink sheet).

Things are orderly and while the air is pregnant with promises of things to come you can see off duty bears playing the accordion and drinking stout, stiff backed Gryphons duel on cricket pitches.

By the by I.e. havent really talked about landcruisers. If you look at a MKV male tank and then superimpose a TOG II* on it for you're basically there.

>> No.39026424

>>39026400
in the centre of town we start seeing what can only be anti aircraft guns (aircraft not really being a thing in Britbongsteros beyond zeppelins this is strange) along with (in the town square) an enormous telescope.

>> No.39026538

>>39026424
The county hall seems to have been requistioned to serve as HQ for the annexation. Aside from the presence of Germans there's not really a great deal that seems to have changed. Aside of course from the Imperial Eagle sitting outside.

When I say sitting I mean perched. It's an actual Reichsadler in the flesh. I.e. it has two heads, feathers and talons.
It's quite happily tucking into a can of corned beef and dressed in what can only be a millitary uniform.

>> No.39026573

>>39026538
It should be noted two heads is actually an error on part of DM/me as the Reichsadler of the German empire only had one. The Austrians had two headed ones. So this one must have also been a bit Austrian somewhere in his heritage.

>> No.39026613

>>39026573
By the way anons if you don't know anything about the German unification and Empire, I would strongly suggest reading up on it. It's a fascinating topic.

The Eagle is rapidly joined by a very large bear with huge moustaches.

He is introduced by the Gryphon as "Otto von Baarmarck" (Bismarck if your want to Google him) advisor to the Kaiser, represented by Herr Tirpitz of the Kaiserliche Marine (the eagle)

>> No.39026624
File: 44 KB, 800x480, Reich.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39026624

Feels like an appropriate time to post this

>> No.39026650

>>39026400
>>39026424
>>39026538
>>39026573
>>39026613
Your name fell off.

>> No.39026651

>>39026624
Extremely.

By the way a lot of devising these campaigns involved a great deal of historical research by me and DM. So while I'm thinking about it, you may enjoy
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Influence_of_Sea_Power_Upon_History which was one of the most interesting things I read for Britbongsteros.

>> No.39026670

>>39026650
Lol so it did. I tend to forget to add it when posting from my phone as I am now. Thank you anon.

>> No.39026674
File: 47 KB, 800x800, monitor-tank.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39026674

>>39026400
I was picturing the landcruisers as basically the same as the tanks from All Quiet on the Martian Front.

>> No.39026691
File: 11 KB, 481x216, landship_by_lord_vanaduke-d4ysoyc.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39026691

>>39026670
There we go, that's better.

>>39026674
You're not far off. Pic related.

>> No.39026748

>>39026691
Right I need to do things I get paid for now. I'll be back later.

One further point, anon may note the progression of technology in Britbongsteros is quite rapid. Well game time so far has been around 2-3 years so that is worth considering also that the idea was it was somehow to go from Elizabethan to Pre WWI in its scope (that was sort of a goal at the start)

We didn't get too excited about it and just MST 3K'd it for a good story.

>> No.39026809

>>39026651
Before I forget, anon if anon particularly cares could get a hilariously big reading list out of me but given I already owe you all a couple threads on Chaucer it's best to ask before I do actually forget.

>> No.39026844

>>39026809
Y'wot?

>> No.39027153
File: 202 KB, 900x615, Alemania - Escuadrón Buitre, X-1918.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39027153

>>39026424
>aircraft not really being a thing in Britbongsteros beyond zeppelins

What, no Vulture Squadron? Such a shame, I say!

>> No.39027424

>>39026844
In another thread about arms and armour I promised to give /tg/ a summary of my learning about Chaucer's knight

>> No.39027474
File: 53 KB, 620x307, Places we haven't warred with (yet).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
39027474

>>39027424
Ah. I hadn't seen that one.

Have a map

>> No.39027593

>>39027474
When were Britain at war with Kazakhstan? Unless it's counting the Russian Empire, but in that case wouldn't Kyrgyzstan, Belarus etc also count?

>> No.39027682

>>39027593
I don't know, I guess we invaded some time during the Great Game?

>> No.39027841

>>39026691
>>39026674
Funny, I kept picturing some kind of fantasy armored land train with cannons mounted on top of every car.

>> No.39027975

>>39027474
I love this map

>> No.39028667

>>39027474
Hilarious. And I'm quite certain at least a few of those white spaces are only white because of quick diplomacy.

>> No.39028825

Bumping so at least there's something on here that is not a quest thread or wailing about end times.

>actually is this a quest thread?

>> No.39028865

>>39028825
No, this is storytime.

>> No.39029395

>>39028865

Yes it is, and continuing shortly.

>> No.39030034

We've got about 24 posts left till bump limit.

Just a heads up.

>> No.39030058

>>39029395
>>39030034
Might perhaps be a better idea to start a new thread, so that we won't have the problem of finding it later...

Also, 23 posts left.

>> No.39030092

You have a point anons. New thread commencing.

>> No.39030166

>>39030153

>>
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