/tg/ - Traditional Games

The pic here is the first time /tg/ got me to discuss this. The link below contains the other instances

https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/search/subject/britbongsteros/text/britbongsteros/

>>38311943

In our adventures we have:
Defeated the necromancers of Scotland
Helped the Queen remain in power
Sunk the German battleship the Brunmiggi
Assainated above queen
fought and annhilated French clownleechspidersnake things in the catacombs of Paris and in London
We have brought peace to the Beastmen of Wales and rescued the current king.
We destroyed a gate in Ireland through which Elder things were coming through.
Been to the North Pole, met some Martians. Killed them.
Watched a man cure a sheep related STD by setting his crotch on fire and dunking it in a cask of beer.
killed a lot of people on Gibraltar
Sailed to Egypt to (current adventure) attempt to steal technology and possibly bring about regime change.

>the party
Throughout our adventures there were always at least five of us, and usually six. These are:

>Angus
An orc from Dundee. Originally a greengrocer but also horrendously proficient with the flamethrower he carries. The flamethrower doubles as a thermic lance.

>the bard.
A human, wears a kilt, plays the bagpipes. Occasionally has great ideas. The DM uses his own taste in music for what the bard actually plays (so usually classic rock or country & western)

>Cruella
Essentially a Dark Eldar wych wearing more clothes. She is vicious and stealthy. Armed with two daggers and a sword that she talks to. Played by my then (and now again) GF. The latter fact occasionally becomes relevant which is why I mention it.

>The wizard
Not actually magic but can command metal (iron) and summon various sharp or pointy things. Including chainsaws.

>The Navvie (also called Burt)
A very large human with a hammer. He hits things with it. Has recently started to glow like a Union Jack when stuff happens. We still don't know why at this stage. Recently thought to be dead. Actually not. Has no idea why he isn't dead.

>Aldous.
Me. A dwarven knight. Wears full plate. Carries twin revolvers and a gatling shotgun. Smokes a pipe.

>the purple penguin
Moral compass and possible DM PC.

>>38312021
>Penguins in the desert
What is going on currently?

Well we got to Egypt. We have met Orrance (who thought we were dicks) we also met our French doubles who want us to help kill the (enslaved) old Gods of Egypt. We also met a friendly and jolly merchant (and possibly rebel leader) who wishes us to help the old gods and if we can bring down the caliphate.

>>38312068
We are currently in Cairo, having left the Souk and returning to Shepheard hotel. Or we were. We suddenly realise our guide, (a 12 year old kid called Ali, whom we told to wait for us and ensured this with the promise of a guinea) is nowhere to be seen. Now anon may recall in the last thread we had told him where we were going and who we wanted to see.

It doesn't seem likely that he'd have gone given how much a guinea would be worth. Unless he had a better offer or was in some kind of trouble.

The purple penguin likes kids. A lot. We feel obligated to look for him.

>>38312121
Remember Cairo is busy, labyrinthine and confusing at the best of times. How on earth are we going to find him in all this sea of humanity and confusion?

We don't know how things work here, we initially suspect the French on general principles, but it seems unlikely. We also consider other possibilities. Slaves are a thing here could he have been kidnapped?

>>38312173
>The ground shakes a little.
>Godzilla?
No. God yes. Zilla no.

>Hey look! It's Ali!
>Whats he doing? Why is he pissing on that statue and saying those weird things?

It looks like little Ali was a follower of Babi (God of baboons - Google it) and he did have a better offer.

A huge form swings down from a spectral tree into the square. Think 75 feet of king kong and you're not far off.

>Where the fuck did that come from?
We have no idea. Looks like not all of the gods are enslaved.

>>38312283
In a plume of dust, he lands, shattering flagstones and crushing a good number of folk. As what sounds like sirens start (actually prayer calls that served the same purpose) he rises to his full height, beats his chest and looks at us.

>>38312368
We have about five seconds to consider our options:

1. Leg it?
2. Kill it?

Legging it will mean a whole lot of people will die before enough troops get here. If we run. It'll likely be enslaved. So what the Egyptians have plenty gods of dongs?

2. Kill it. We have the only thing in Egypt that we know of that can kill the thing. Do we? It'll draw the interest of everyone in Egypt. Cruella might be disguised but the rest of us are pretty recognizable. We don't know how pissed off Ismail will be.

>>38312815
Hmm I appear to be talking to myself I will continue anyway

>>38314165
I wasn't expecting the thread until the weekend, so I didn't notice it until I did and archive search.

That seems to happen every time.

>>38314790
I actually time them specifically to be as inconvenient as possible (meaning it's my own dumb fault)

>>38314936
Well I'm keeping the thread open, so do continue at your leisure.

>>38312815
Now bear in mind that the DM has just explained options 1 and 2 above (along with his caveat of: "or do whatever the fuck you want don't cry to me if you die? Oh and yes I'd love a beer") he pops his beer and adds, just FYI for those of you who don't know about Babi, he is one of the many Egyptian gods of Cock (wiki it). You also have five seconds to choose. 1..."

>>38315202
Two... It takes a step towards you.
Three....it roars again
>Oh fuck it. Let's kill it.

>>38315240
I want to add at this stage that I blame the bard for everything.

>Bard you're up. What are you gonna do?
I play an inspiring song!
>rollplz
>it's a one.

>DM: ok you shoulder your pipes, take a deep breath and play Aqua - Barbie girl (Official music video) HD: http://youtu.be/-_pTeDz4Zpk

The DM looks this up on his laptop and it plays along through the rest of the combat.

>>38315333
Wow... haven't heard that in ages.

>>38315333
A further little note on weaponry. As you may have noticed we have what we like to call light kit where we leave the heavy weaponry -namely my shotgun and Angus's flamethrower at our base of operations as these are very conspicuous. In these circumstances I will use pistols and Angus usually uses bad language and a revolver.

>>38315399
And I'd hoped never to hear it again - the things I do for /tg/

>>38315333
What Babi has going for him is some pretty decent agility and fuek hooge regard strength, we are suddenly reminded this thing is 75 odd feet tall. The Navvie has a good go at its ankles, I try and aim for hamstringing it. It's hard to tell but it looks like the wounds we are causing are slowly closing up. Cruella (Burka and all) unsheathes the sword from Angus's back (it being unlady like for her to carry it about) and gives the thing a good whack. It loses a toe. That doesn't seem to be growing back..

>>38315541
Babi definitely notices that and puts all of his attention into squashing the agile little gnat that just chopped his toe off.

The wizard has been busy, he hasn't summoned anything sharp for once, but instead slowly summons, link, by link, by link anchor chains. They slowly flow outward from him, it's going to take a while before they reach Babi and do anything to him.

>>38315632
We try to distract him to let Cruella get enough time to land a blow and not get squashed. We are also worried that as she expands energy dodging, this thing is less likely to get tired before she does...

Angus decides to get closer, It's a baboon he reasons. A huge, God of alpha baboons. Therefore a show of dominance should work. He advances. He stands defiantly. Clears his throat, loudly, and spits on it.

>>38315810
I'm not sure if that's the best way to show dominance.

>>38315836
We were just pleased he didn't try to fuck it. He does however get some of its attention. Enough that when he beats his chest and (has a go at) roaring he distracts Babi enough for Cruella to start climbing up his leg. Babi then beats his own chest and slowly, carefully, kicks Angus through a wall.

>>38316062
Every time I see someone describe a character as climbing up a leg, I always imagine some kind of Loony Toons scramble wall grab action, except with daggers stabbing it.

In this case it's probably accurate for once.

I'll check back up on this thread in a few hours.

Guess we're doing this again.

>>38314165
Well, it makes it easier for screencapping.

>>38319903
Is anyone still screencapping it?

Really, I haven't enjoyed a campaign story this much since STORYTIEM posted his group's experience about hauling an armchair across the land so they could give it to the pope to spite a paladin.

OK, now we'll see if this stays up through the night.

We have experience playing this game.

Currently it looks like there's about three and a half hours from time of last bump to being on the bottom of the thread listings.

>>38325195
Keep it up.

Good morning anons.

>>38316759
That is pretty much how I would describe her ascent. A mix of leaping, stabbing and jumping, trying to stay ahead of Babi's paws.

There is a piercing shriek. A shadow passes over us, then another.

Roks. The strike force of the caliphate. They dive bomb babi, dropping huge nets, flexible, sticky and entangling.

His movements are slowed but similarly as is Cruellas ascent.

He decides he needs to get off the ground. He climbs a minaret, the party follows him to the base of the thing.

The Roks circle and dive bomb.

The bard finally finishes his first song and rolls again.

>>38326763
Texas Hippie Coalition: "Turn It Up" Official Video: http://youtu.be/_N0cQJ2BPS0

There isn't much the rest of us can do as he ascends beyond shoot at his eyes or break into the tower and try to get to the top. The wizards chains snake up the thing and snag Babi by the ankle.

Babi is starting to realise he's fucked.

Cruella is on his shoulder. Excalibur in hand. Ready to go for the jugular.

>I've never killed a God before. You know what this sword can do don't you?

She shouts into his ear.

>>38326814
The great head turns to look at her. He strains at the nets. The Navvie and I break out onto the balcony, about level with his chin. The roks tear into his back.

Cruella continues:
>Let go. Be a slave, or die. Now.

Those big dark eyes look very sad for a moment as a God contemplates his own mortality, or to become a slave of mortals.

>>38326826
The great ape lets go. Cruella makes the jump from him to us on the balcony. Just. He nearly flattens Angus and bard.

We watch as he is swarmed by Caliphate troops. Exuberant in having captured another God. We decided to leave before anyone notices the toe.

Hopefully Ismail (if we decide to favour him) won't be too annoyed by us making the best of weird circumstances. At least we didn't kill him.

>>38326875
We decide to retreat to the Shepheard to think. Hopefully before anyone thinks to ask us any awkward questions. We appear to be involved in local politics already but haven't burnt any bridges yet

>>38326875
I wonder what a god's toe can be used for.

I'm sure that'd be valuable to someone somewhere.

>>38327333
Giving this a very sneaky bump. Any anons with burning questions?

>>38329120
It crops up later actually

>>38329137
What happened to the kid?

He get crushed by the giant baboon?

>>38330729
Got lost in the confusion. I think we assumed the little bastard got squished or ran for it.

>>38327333
We retire to a quiet area in the Shepheard. We decide to check for eavesdroppers and spies (Angus and Cruella finding nothing).

We decide it is time to discuss our plan and position in this strange land.

>>38330808
There are a couple of key questions:
1. Are the caliphate dicks?
2. Do we care?
3. Does Britain care?
4. How do we use this to our advantage in getting whatever it is that we are here to steal?

>>38330847
1. Well they aren't very nice to the old gods, but so what? They have different (not necessarily better or worse) customs.
2. We at this point don't particularly mind. they haven't done anything to us, they aren't our allies and at least they have put all these random deities to work.
3. Yes. A weak caliphate could be conquered by us. A new regime favourable to us would also be useful. We may not want the oil directly but we want to deny it to the rest of Europe.
4. Ismail and his brothers include the Arabs. Those same Arabs who have what we want to steal. If we help overthrow or at least damage the caliphate, they should like us.

>>38330847
I'm going to guess:
>Probably
>No. Though the Penguin might, so maybe yes.
>No, if they'll give up what Britain wants
>Shenanigans

>>38330898
The bard makes the case for the purple penguin.

The people here are unhappy. They are poor. Dirty. Downtrodden. They have a caste system and no hope.

The rejoinder is:
Would changing who is on top alter this? Would British rule make it any better? They might be under the heel of our government but they would all equally be so.

A new regime especially sympathetic to us would be useful however....

>>38330946
>What about the French?
Well what about them? Are they necessarily even on our side?

>>38330901
Shenanigans are guaranteed regardless.

>>38330975
It seems wise then, to approach Orrance again, hopefully he won't just tell us to fuck off this time. He and a group of his most loyal followers have camped near the pyramids.

So there's a shit load of magic stuff happening in Egypt, a lot of it is pretty ancient magic at that.

Where did these gods go when the Martians turned the magic off?

>>38331302
Same place all of our gods are right now. Intangible and yet very very important to some people.

!LOL SO RANDUM!!!111 SPORKS

Seriously though, you're an unfunny idiot.

>>38331410
?

>>38331410
Please die in a fire

>>38331438
Ignore that anon and please continue.

>>38331969
Typing this up while making dinner, (my turn to microwave stuff).

We get another guide (this one we are tempted to shoot on sight) and head toward the pyramids.

There is a cluster of bedouin tents and camels, meaning we're probably in the right place.

>Camels

I just want to add, as an anon that spent some time in actual Arabia, and for those anons that haven't been near one. The camels of Britbongsteros are EXACTLY like real camels. They (unlike everything else) have not been turned up to 11.

>Camels. Are. Dicks.

>>38332212
We approach the camp. We pass a herd of camels on our way in. One has a couple of spots on its hump. It gobs on Angus. Angus spits back. It bites Angus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOJk0HW_hJw [Whitesnake, is this love?]

Angus bites it back.

We separate the two, I lose a chunk of beard in the process.

As we approach the guards, they chuckle and and ask us what we want?

>>38332290
Angus and animals, mortal enemies.

>>38332597
Or best of friends.

>>38331630
>>38331969
Please don't encourage him. He's gonna include EPIC stuff like waffles, chickens and ninjas next, because he's such a CRAZY RANDOM dude.

>>38333363
Look at you, you bumped the thread.

You must want to see where all this is going just as much as the rest of us.

>>38333363
does anyone else feel kinda sorry for this guy?

>>38333510
Not really, no.

But I will exploit him for bumps.

>>38333510
Yeah, because I've just realized he was talking about Aldous, not the guy I told to die in a fire

>>38333552
I'm pretty sure it's just one mad anon.

I get the feeling fewer anons who see a Britbongsteros thread for the first time bother to back track and read through all of it.

>>38334410
It is a private committee.

>>38334449
No, it's open for anyone. The only requirement is "don't be a dick". So I'm afraid you're out.

>>38332290
We continue.

"We are here to see Orrance."

(DM cannot do anything close to an Arabian accent without it sounding like Team America and I am not going to either)

"He's not seeing anyone."

>We are slightly stumped by this.

"Why not?"

"He's not here"

"Oh."

>>38334553
oops forgot my namefagging.

"Where is Orrance?"

"He went to...wait a minute why should we tell you?"

>>38334553
Ohhhh, I sense a pyramid adventure inbound.

Probably some ancient king spurring this group of rebels on.

>>38334449
>>38334518
Anon, you were supposed to laugh it off.

>>38334577
This is actually an exceptionally good point. Why should they tell us?

We're not exactly well known, Orrance doesn't really like us anyway, so....

>The Navvie hands over the token of Sekhmet

The guards have a look at it, adjust their thawbs. Ponder it.

"What are we meant to do with this thing? I'll give you half a dinari for it? It's kinda nice."

We've killed gods, queens, necromancers, and now, we are absolutely stumped by some chaps wearing bed sheets.

>>38334642
By the clock (i.e. Horus) it's getting toward the late afternoon, in the heat things shimmer in the distance, the stark contrast of sand and sky makes it hard to concentrate.

This shouldn't be such an issue, but (and the DM is punishing us for being dim I think) it is.

"Will he be back tonight. Can we wait for him?"

They tell us we can, and we settle into as much shade as we can find. We get a useful opportunity to observe the Arabs as they camp, most remain in tents, others tend to animals, they are nomadic so it seems, or at least these are.

What they definitely do not seem like, is a technological people. They do however have a seeming mastery of Djinn, camels (more threatening than you'd think) and that Sphinx we saw earlier seems to be something to do with them as well.

I am getting a lot of 502 and 504 errors from 4chan right now.

At least the auto update feature doesn't blank the page like refreshing does so I can still keep up with the story while it's being posted.

>>38334874
it is making posting a tiny bit tricky as well, but I'll keep trying.

>>38334997
Orrance arrives about sunset, looking very tired. He spots us, and directs his camel in our direction.

"What on earth do you lot want?"

>>38334410
Anyway, I'm tempted to start collecting it onto 1d4chan sooner rather than later because of that.

>>38335317
I think that is an excellent idea.

>>38311908
Anyone got a link to the last storytime? I've been working and I think I missed one. Last one I read up to them landing at Gibraltar and killing some folk (big suprise, right?)

>>38336763
Last thread was

https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/38194227/

There's a link to all the thread's here as well >>38311943

>>38336923
That's the one, thanks.

>>38336636
I'll get on it in a few hours then.

Not even an hour since the last bump and already on page 9.

>>38339507
It's the busier time of the day/night

>>38338318
Time to get on this.

It'll probably need editing for flow reasons after the fact, but that's for after all the stories are told.

>>38341390
It has begun.

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Britbongsteros

This is going to take a while, so I'll do the copypasting/editing in sections.

>>38343179
Yep, this is gonna take me a while.

More than likely won't have it all up to current for at least a couple days.

>>38344732
Well that's probably as far as I'm going to get with that tonight, so I'll keep at it tomorrow after I do all the things I need to do that day.

>>38340744
And now it's the slow time.

Will it be slow enough to make it through another night?

>>38343179
>>38344732
>>38345930

I, for one, don't mind waiting. Thanks man.
Also, bump.

>>38346478
Sure it will.

>>38343179
Thank you anon

>>38348131
I have a very busy day today and am going out for (many) drinks after court. If this is still here tomorrow I will continue. If not, new thread will be made.

bump

Might as well keep this thread up.

Which arm was is that The Navvie lost?

>>38351557
Right arm.

If I say anything later I am blind drunk and you all should ignore me.

>>38352513
Well ok then.

Ha ha, bump.

Bump with hope of more tomorrow.

>>38346617
I'll probably get back on the wiki thing in a bit.