/tg/ - Traditional Games

>>38136190
>the party
Throughout our adventures there were always at least five of us, and usually six. These are:

>Angus
An orc from Dundee. Originally a greengrocer but also horrendously proficient with the flamethrower he carries. The flamethrower doubles as a thermic lance.

>the bard.
A human, wears a kilt, plays the bagpipes. Occasionally has great ideas. The DM uses his own taste in music for what the bard actually plays (so usually classic rock or country & western)

>Cruella
Essentially a Dark Eldar wych wearing more clothes. She is vicious and stealthy. Armed with two daggers and a sword that she talks to. Played by my then (and now again) GF. The latter fact occasionally becomes relevant which is why I mention it.

>The wizard
Not actually magic but can command metal (iron) and summon various sharp or pointy things. Including chainsaws.

>The Navvie (also called Burt)
A very large human with a hammer. He hits things with it. Has recently started to glow like a Union Jack when stuff happens. We still don't know why at this stage. Recently thought to be dead. Actually not. Has no idea why he isn't dead.

>Aldous.
Me. A dwarven knight. Wears full plate. Carries twin revolvers and a gatling shotgun. Smokes a pipe.

>>38136237
In our adventures we have:
Defeated the necromancers of Scotland
Helped the Queen remain in power
Sunk the German battleship the Brunmiggi
Assainated above queen
fought and annhilated French clownleechspidersnake things in the catacombs of Paris and in London
We have brought peace to the Beastmen of Wales and rescued the current king.
We destroyed a gate in Ireland through which Elder things were coming through.

We are now on our way to the North Pole.

>>38136288

>Britbongsteros at the North Pole.
After the defeat of the old ones in Ireland
We return to London and meet with the privy council. (Thats Blackadder, Samuel Johnston, Richard III and others) We are informed we are being sent on holiday.

Or at least away.

An expedition to the artic has reported no sign of a north west passage but it has found land. Under the polar ice cap. Reports by carrier albatross are notably unreliable but nothing else has been heard for six months. Fearing the intervention of a foreign (German) power we are sent northwards.

Meanwhile Britbongsteros is being drained dry, victory in Ireland has been costly and with the continentals now aware that the navy is effectively half what it once was, it seems like we may have a fight on our hands soon.

>>38136355
The events in Ireland have already been hushed up under the official secrets act and the Navvie if questioned says he remembers nothing. Even a session with Sir Richard Bacon provides no answer to his mysterious powers.

We are instead packed aboard an icebreaker and sent onwards.

>>38136388
Right now I've posted all the pasta. We continue.

Aboard the Icebreaker (HMS Intrepid) we begin to unbox some of the gear that was loaded aboard with us. We were wise enough to purchase our own cold weather gear (Bard is still wearing a kilt) but we have three big crates and no idea what they are.

>DM: ok let's roll to see whats in these things! But first who wants to get me a beer?

(This is DM code for give me a beer or its gonna be full of condoms)

Having a wizard who is very good at controlling metal means you're never without a tinopener, or in this case, a crowbar.

>>38136509
Now at this point DM hasn't told us a great deal about the North Pole (it's cold and not all ice) so as we pop the box, and these are big big crates, we are pleased to see the roll results in a snowcat (think APC specialised for snow). The next is camping supplies for a polar expedition. Food, tents, etc.

>guys?

What bard?

>can any of us drive a snowcat? Its a very different thing to a car or boat and...

>DM: that's a very good point actually. I'll just add some penalties.

>party: fucking bard.

The third box we are slightly concerned to see is full of smaller crates. The first is full of britbongsteros-not-bibles, as we dig deeper we find more of these along with a note saying we should "use them to bring the word of God to the fuzzy wuzzies" we also find a great deal of corned beef, and finally, a comically oversized whaling harpoon gun. Too big for it to be man portable. But big enough that the Cat could carry it.

Here we go.

I was wondering if I had missed the thread.

>>38136701

>Scots of the (Ant)arctic

Pleased with our haul, we settle in for the voyage and do our best to piece together what little we know and can learn from the notes sent by the expedition.

Prior to the visit of the expedition, the actual pole was uncharted, an unknown, we are aware that the icecap is thick, that the expedition included a drilling team, armed guards, and several technowizards, so they had come loaded for bear.

We knew they had travelled toward the pole from Greenland on up, when (and this was the last message) they mentioned the wizards with them having detected a large metallic mass under the ice and were going to commence drilling. We knew how far they had gone, in what direction and roughly when they'd stopped. The cat had fuel for twice that so we should be ok.

>>38136884
The voyage into arctic waters takes us via scapa flow, the faroes, Iceland (lots of trolls and stupidly attractive elves, very odd food.) and finally to Greenland. We are a bit surprised that nothing tries to eat us on the way. We are horrified however when make land. Next to the cairn erected by the British Expedition, there is another newer one.
"l'expédition française, vive le France!" -signed "Napoleon Le Talleyrand De Baguette III"

>>38136772
Nope didn't miss it, I just got ambushed by a lot of work. I can't sleep so we're doing this now (and hopefully I can keep enough folk interested that it lives through the night)

>>38137087
Right now it looks like it takes a little over 2 hours for a thread to reach the bottom of page 10 from time of last bump.

>>38137057
Now, not only does our expedition (which as far as we know are all still alive) not know about the French being behind them, they definitely do not know that it is De Baguette leading them. We are informed (as in the characters already know, but players don't) that De Baguette is a famous French mercenary and explorer, half hobbit, half troll and not the way you'd expect either. Monsieur Talleyrand-De Baguette the elder was one fucking brave rapist hobbit.

>>38137201
Crap I may have been a bit ambitious here then

>>38137234
Now. We have our mission clearly set out. The British Expedition has not been heard from in months. The French have most likely treacherously waylaid them when they stopped to examine the metal thing. We must avenge them or at the very least beat the French to the pole. So. With Union Jack flying from the CAT we set off.

>>38137330
now at this point we haven't seen any unusual flora or fauna, nothing, just snow. Lots of snow. We trace the planned route of the expedition, finding camps easily enough, the expedition having left markers at each sight. Some investigation in each camp brings not only empty tins of corned beef, but also empty bottles of vin and the occasional beret.

Clearly we are following traces of both expeditions.

>>38137429
We proceed onward, unaccosted for the most part. We do however see an ogopogo fight some polar bears. The purple penguin and the rest of us enjoyed that. Additionally, don't eat Polar bear or shoot and attempt to eat the victorious Ogopogo (they're really gamey).

We make good progress, its high summer so we travel through the day and most of the night, stopping only to rest for a few hours here and there. We sleep in the CAT mostly. The nights are more of an eternal twilight. Beautiful but cold as fuck.

>about the third or fourth night. We bed down. Everyone drifts off. We are woken by a very loud rap on the window.

Not howling of wind. Not a hungry bear. A distinctive postmans shave and a haircut knock.

We look out, there's no one there. We light lamps, and investigate, no one there. We check for footprints, just ours. Angus and Cruella both have very good senses of smell. They can't smell anything unusual.

>>38137598
The next night it happens again.

No one there. We're starting to freak out a bit. Characters are missing sleep, panicky, and still at the top of the world, more alone than ever, shave and a haircut on a window every night. Always when no one is looking that way, always no trace.

>>38137656
Remember we are alone up here. No one for miles. The CAT moves at a decent speed, so something is keeping pace. Leaving no footprints and no signs. We search the bags and panniers on the CAT thinking we have a stowaway. No sign.

>>38137702
The next morning, there is a big chunk missing from the engine. As though someone had taken a core sample.
The bard mentions something. "Guys, we only have one CAT, if it Wizard can't fix this. We can't walk back to shore. We are dead." Fortunately wizard and Angus manage between them to fix the thing. It takes most of the day, into the night. The rest of us stand guard. Angus feels a tap on his shoulder. A tap tapatap. Shave and a haircut.

>>38137805
Angus is bent over the engine. He freaks the fuck out. "Its here it's here shoot it shoot it!" There's nothing there. No print. Nothing.

We are all nervous now.

Later as we bed down. As best we can. Three on watch. Three dozing, dressed and armed, there's a colossal thud on the hood of the CAT. A skinless face stares into the light of the cab. Pile out into the twilight. Surrounding it. It's a polar bear, skinned. Slowly dribbling off the hood. From behind us. Shave and a haircut.

>>38137884
We turn. I bring the shotgun up and fire over the roof of the cab. Either I hit nothing or I am firing at nothing. The sound of the whirring gatling is ridiculous in the artic silence. We are left alone on. the ice. Listening to our breathing. When we wake the next morning. there are 16 tiny perfect pyramids of ball bearings on. the hood. The gatling fires eight shells a second. I gave it a two second burst. It's somehow brought back each and every pellet. They pyramids on closer examination, float half an inch above the hood.

I wonder how many anons are just lurking.

>all of this
O GAAAAWD

>>38137969
>>38137884
>>38137805
>>38137702
>>38137656


Losing my shit here Aldous

I guess the trip to the north pole wasn't a breather after all.

Though after Ireland, maybe this is by comparison.

Huh, it got oddly quiet in here.

bump.


STOP DELAYING MY GRATIFICATION!

Hmmm...

I think we're being tested.

>>38137201
Now it's taking about three and a half hours.

Who knows if it'll survive the night.

>>38146127
And in that short amount of time you're already on page 5.

The real lingering doesn't happen until threads are near the drop off.

Greetings Anon. Thank you all for keeping this alive.

>things that go bump in the not quite night.

Something is fucking with us. The purple penguin doesn't approve of this. We decide whatever it is. It needs to die. Whether it's aliens or invisible Inuit. It's going to fucking die.

Our first thought is to defence. How do we dig in? We could find a cave? There aren't any. We also decide against looking for one. Not fancying digging our way out of a cave in for one thing. We do however settle on pulling the CAT into a small valley type thing. Now it can only come from above, the front or the rear. We string guy ropes for the tents to empty cans. It might not actually make enough noise to set off the alarm but the wizard thinks he could detect them being disturbed. We also (well Angus and Wizard) set up half a dozen trip wires attached to mines.

>>38147182
We wait.

We wait longer.

>"It's here"

We listen in the dark, straining our ears in the silence of the polar night. There's very little wind. There's nothing. In the near dark, Angus lights the pilot of his flamethrower. Cruella coos soothingly at her sword.

>There's a very faint tinkling to the left, all eyes turn very slowly. one of the cans is floating in mid air.

We watch as the can starts to drift toward us. Then slowly Something disturbs the snow. A small thing. A very familiar thing. One of the mines is floating too. Towards us.

>>38147234
>Shit shit shit shit shit

Angus flings open a door.

Angus torches everything for thirty yards around the mine. The mine cooks off. We unload in the direction of it. Spraying rounds. The bard launches into his most lethal of songs (http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fQyEnK3HNFA [Luke Bryan, Drinkin Beer and wastin bullets.]

>>38147269
Magazines run dry, the song finishes. We pant. It must be fucking dead. We investigate.

From behind us, on the roof of the CAT

> The DM raps the table. Shave and a haircut

>>38147296
We pivot. Silhouetted against the morning sun. A shape can just be made out. Humanoid. Maybe. More like a grasshopper, knees up by its ears. I drop the shotgun and go for my pistols. Cruella sprints across snow, the Navvie lumbers after her.

>>38147336
The harpoon gun (yes that thing) starts to slowly turn. Toward it. Whatever the fuck it is, I unload on it as Cruella leaps onto the Cab with it. I wing it. I'm sure I do. Cruella closes her eyes as the thing starts to leap toward her. Relying on her other senses and sword to do the work. She decapitated it. Beautifully silhouetted against the morning sun.

It's dead. We get our first look at the body. It's not as small as we thought and it must be strong. It's wearing a grey full body suit. Covered in strange devices like nothing we have ever seen. They are more science than magic but a science nothing like our own.

Something on its belt starts to flash and beep. Things that flash and beep are never good in our experience. The Navvie picks the thing up and hurls it a good forty feet. It goes up like a grenade.

We travel on. Finding a British camp. There is the usual cairn but also eight smaller ones. Burials. Three marked with British flags, five with the tri-colore

>>38147405
The next night. As we bed down for our first good night's sleep.

>Shave and a haircut.

>>38147410
Go on

>>38147494
Well I'm at work now (ok I have been since eight) so updates will be slower. I'll try and post every couple hours.

>>38147410
>not again
ok so we killed one. We are not entirely sure how but if it bleeds, we can kill it. Maybe these are the things that killed the first expedition. Certainly there were bodies back at the last camp and we are nearly at the dig site.

Cruella and the wizard seem to be our strongest assets here. The wizard doesn't seem able to sense them, but at least he can stop things flying at us, and Cruella is fast, stealthy and violent. Cruella pulls herself up onto the CAT and closes her eyes.

Things are starting to levitate. Angus wrestles with the flamethrower, it takes the navvie to help hold him and it down, allowing the Navvies hammer to go full Mjolnir and clobber the bard.

>>38148178
Cruella with her eyes closed has only the other seven senses (she's not human) but it's enough to feel tiny vibrations of the thing in the air. Her sword lashes out and seemingly from nowhere half a torso appears. Followed a moment later by the rest of the creature.

The Navvie is already prepared and punts both halves into the distance. The explosion ensuring whatever these things are, remains a mystery.

>>38136237
>Dundonian Orc
kek this sounds amazing.

>>38149123
We continue onwards to the dig site. We see in the distance a number of CAT like vehicles. Of two different types. Some with Union Jacks others are French, at least De Baguette hasn't beaten us to the pole.

>>38149154
Thank you, glad anon is enjoying

>>38149607
Get off page 7. Do any lurking anons have any questions they would like answered?

>>38150366
I know you made up the setting, but what system were you using?

>>38150557
D20 homebrew.

>>38149579
We start to investigate. bearing in mind anyone alive would have seen us from miles away and heard us before that, we are pretty sure something has gone horribly wrong. It never occurred to us that De Baguette might be preparing an ambush so we drove right on up to the camp and vehicles. Judging by the Union Jack still flying and a French flag next to it, if the two expeditions had met, it was amicable. So where was everyone?

>>38151407
We look around, orderly tents, half eaten meals, standard Mary Celeste stuff. We note that the meals include corned beef (British) and Merlot (French). There are no bullet holes, blood stains or anything else suspicious, barring that everything haa lain undisturbed for at least five months.

Undisturbed is probably not good. Surely bears or something else would have come looking? Nothing however.

>>38151438
We do find the British Expedition HQ and the very orderly logbook. The entries all end five months ago. Mostly it is things we already knew or banality (still drilling, thirty feet today) we note that De Baguette was greeted and the two countries joined forces to drill. Creating a what was referred to as both a channel and tunnel down toward the metallic item. (The logbook called it a "Chunnel" for some reason). The last entry read

"Slowly, desperately slowly it seemed to us as we watched, the remains of passage debris that encumbered the lower part of the doorway were removed, until at last we had the whole door clear before us. The decisive moment had arrived. With trembling hands I made a tiny breach in the upper left hand corner. Darkness and blank space, as far as an iron testing-rod could reach, showed that whatever lay beyond was empty, and not filled like the passage we had just cleared. Candle tests were applied as a precaution against possible foul gases, and then, widening the hole a little, I inserted the candle and peered in, De Baguette and Lady Evelyn (his daughter) standing anxiously beside me to hear the verdict. At first I could see nothing, the hot air escaping from the chamber causing the candle flame to flicker, but presently, as my eyes grew accustomed to the light, details of the room within emerged slowly from the mist...there was gleaming metal within, and light. Tomorrow we shall investigate further."

Some anons may recognize the text. I did.

>>38151536

>>38151536
We realise we are going in. Whether we like it or not. Honour and the penguin demand it

Just noticed link to 2nd thread has died. Here is another.
>>/tg/thread/37900344

Bumping as I read.

Bump as I'm waiting.

And to think you were saying you might skip this part.

>>38151536
Alright, Story Time shall continue.

(just as an aside that is one of the co-founders of Penguin Books, reading a Penguin Book, to a Penguin, if that isn't the greatest thing ever you have no soul.)


The chunnel is not quite wide enough to fit the CAT down, so we decide to proceed on foot. The Chunnel proceeds downwards as far as we can see, lights strung on the walls merge together in the distance, It's a long way down, so we'd better start walking.

>>38151536
it appears to be the opening of Tut's tomb minus the wonderful things line

>>38152802
So on we go, Into the chunnel, the crude earthworks give way to paved, interlocked, impeccably precise granite blocks as we proceed downward. We pass over what must have been the remains of the door way, and into a great stone cavern, so large, it receeds off into blackness in the distance. In the very center, is a circular, metal object an ellipsoid. It's hard to tell the scale of the thing at this distance, but as we walk toward it, we realise it's huge. With one small opening, perhaps three men wide, and three high.

>>38153134
Shhh don't ruin it


>>38153172
As we approach, we still see no signs of the expeditions, as we approach the doorway, there is a sound from within. We ready arms. What the hell is...

A man.

A man stumbles out.

Dishevelled, dirty, and missing his eyes.

He collapses into the arms of the Navvie.

Crying, whimpering.

>I have seen things. Wonderful things...

and he expires.

>>38153205
So, that's probably good.

We examine the corpse. He's plainly starving, emaciated, and of course his eyes appear to have been scooped out, which is always a great sign.

He's wearing a mix of British and French Uniforms, filthy and very, very dead.

Obviously with that most excellent of omens, we enter the metal ellipsoid.

>>38153371
What we find within is beyond our understanding, it's reminiscent of a battleship, strange pipes and tubes run hither and thither, and there's corpses, lots of corpses, electrocuted, chopped, splattered, zapped, and generally in bits. All human. Although the walls aren't marked, there are the squashed remains of bullets on the floor. They must've been fired, missed, and then hit the walls, and simply fallen to the floor. We estimate the better part(s) of twenty men within the thing.

We find on one of the bodies a portable gramaphone. The Bard picks it up, fiddles, and we hear what has been recorded.

>I see things, Wonderful things. This creation, this steel building, I am inclined to call it a ship, that lay open within the cavern, allowing our ingress, it is incredible, beautiful, and yet so strange. We track dark endless halls, lit by our torches and gas lamps. There is no dust, no sign of habitation. De Baguette surmises that the creation was too large to have been brought down into this edifice, the edifice must have been built around it.

>We have found within bodies, sleepers, so alien, so bizarre in build and pose, it is large as a bear and it glistens like wet leather. But that face. It...it's indescribable. I can hardly force myself to keep looking at it. The eyes are black and gleam like a serpent. They recline tubes, lit with a cold, unearthly blue light, they are perhaps... De Baguette! No!

>the DM hits something on his laptop. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CbGKsjQ09I [Martian War Call: ULLA]

Party: Well fuck this....

>>38153669
Alien spaceship?

If it is aliens, then they must be pretty hardcore in this setting if they saw the shit happening on the planet and decided to come down anyway.

>>38153669
>The sleepers have not awakened, but the edifice has, it glows, I am sure though that soon the sleepers will wake. Perhaps we shall meet them.

The DM is passing notes to Cruella, the Bard, and Angus.

Cruella goes full on spazz, falling to the floor, jittering, crying, moaning, again, that sound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CbGKsjQ09I [ULLA]

It's coming from her.

The record continues as we rush to her.

>[Breathless] Professor Quatermass, what say you!? What is... What is happening? Oh by the gods, what is happening...I...I am a scientist, an Englishman. I shall ...God save our....I shall...I see Wonderous things...

>Another voice. "Dammit Roney, [Slap] here some brandy...tell me what do you see?

>I see ...a hunt, a great hunt, I fly, I hop, I am as one with the horde, we must destroy, destroy destroy the unbeliever, the unclean...destroy...Quatermass...the...

>Quatermass: De Baguette, I think Roney is ...he is seeing what the sleepers have seen, what they know...

>Roney: I see a pale blue dot in the sky, I see a plan, I lust for the dot, IT WILL BE OURS IT WILL BE OURS

Cruella whimpers "I have seen wonderous things"

>Quatermass: "Roney, WHAT COLOUR IS THE SKY?"

>Roney: It is purple my friend. Purple.

>>38153787
We hold Cruella down, an epileptic fit perhaps? We force brandy into her. She cries, shivering,

>Quatermass: I surmise these things are not of our world, nor of another dimension, they are alien to this earth, they are....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CbGKsjQ09I [ULLA]

>Quatermass: Come on you alien bastard. I WILL SHOW YOU HOW AN ENGLISHMAN DIES.


The recording continues. A female voice, French, Evelyn perhaps?

>There are not many of us left, the aliens have a power, to suck the magic from us, the wizards, those brave Scotsmen fought them, or they tried, their saws and spears fell to the ground, and yet those men fought them with their bare hands. They are all dead now, as are the others....

> they do not just kill, they flay men alive, taking parts, they are...they are scientists...like us...

>I have nearly made it to the....to the...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CbGKsjQ09I [ULLA]

>A long, drawn out female scream. From the recording, and from Cruella.

>>38153850
A very quick note on Meta for the two anons who are still with me.

Yes, it's an alien spaceship, yes we the players have a very good idea that's what it is, we the characters of course have no fucking idea.

>>38153777
Good call.

Huh.

A crate full of Bibles, now aliens screaming unbeliever.

This'll be good.

>>38153898
Best storytiming since Twodee. Believe that. This is what I always wanted RPGing to be; a unique, original setting, each campaign arc a different flavour or feel.
Fuck my shitty group who only wants to dungeon crawl and fight dragons.

>>38153850
These things remind me a bit of War of the Worlds martians crossed with those things from the Predator series all with a smidgen of independence day level psychic+technological fuckery

>>38154169
Well I don't know about unique feel, but we certainly spent a lot of time being fucking terrified.

>>38154262
You may also wish to Google "The Quatermass Experiment."

>>38154296
and "Quatermass and the Pit." Especially that.

Also thank you anons, your bumps and comments help keep the thread alive and me typing.

>>38153898
There's more than two Anon's here.

>>38154340
Yeah, there's at least three in the thread right now.

>>38154296
Seems like you went through two horror stories in a row with Ireland and the North Pole.

>>38154296
Holy shit I've actually seen that before I'd just completely forgotten about it. Is everything that happens in your campaign some sort of reference?

>>38154407
Well if not a a rip off or a homage, just about everything I've mentioned can be typed into Google. If I refer to anything by name apart from a PC, you can google it for extra goodness.

>>38154405
Essentially yes, a lot of Britbongsteros got pretty horrifying pretty fast.

>>38153850
Now where was I...

So Cruella is going nuts, foaming at the mouth and generally not looking good. We decide to bug out. That seems like the best idea, take off and nuke the site from orbit.

Let's get ou....the door is closed.

The door is fucking closed.

We already know that we can't harm the material the alien ship is made of with bullets, Angus's thermic lance doesn't work either. The Wizard can't manipulate it. We're trapped.

Cruella snaps upright. Her eyes are jet black. No longer human.

Her mouth opens, echoing a cry that comes through the entire ship.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CbGKsjQ09I [ULLA]

Even the Purple Penguin is not very happy about this.

>>38154864
We decide if they have closed the door, they also know exactly where we are. That can only be bad. We pick up Cruella, and pick a direction, and start on inwards into who knows what.

We don't meet anything but we appear to be in the hold, crates are crates, and these ones although alien, still retain that essential crateness.

We move onward, slicing pies and tacticooling it, the interior decor changes, less grey and utilitarian, now a little fancier, and white, stark blinding white.

And red. Lots of red.

We appear to have come across the medbay, we get our first good look at the aliens, they're bent over tables with still living, screaming, humans on them, slowly taking them to pieces. Dissassembling them like a child might build a lego house, except in reverse. Bit by bit.

The aliens are taller than us, or would be except they sit on their haunches, like grasshoppers, they have six limbs, a pair of manipulator hand analogues, and two wicked talons. This is our first good look at them, whether what we fought (the shave-and-a-haircuts) were drones or a subspecies we have no idea. These things have big, broad heads, with jet black eyes.

We are looking in through an observation window, fuck it. Scientists or whatever they might be, they're gonna die.

>>38155057
We've not gotten the hang of alien doors yet, but the Navvie giving an interior door a good hard slam buckles it, a second slam with the hammer is enough to twist it inwards, a third brings it down (he was scarily good with that hammer).

>We do the work of the purple penguin.

The aliens might be terrifying, they might be weird, they respond very well to buckshot, .45 calibre and axe.

We then begin the grim work of giving peace to the subjects.

The five of us...

>The five of us

Where's Cruella?

>>38155057
By fire be purged time.

Or whatever works to purge them. It'd be funny if they could be squashed like bugs with the Bible books.

>>38155129
We actually left the bibles back on the HMS Intrepid, we didn't cart them all the way to the North Pole I'm afraid.

>>38155109
The Navvie had been carrying her, he'd left her propped up against the wall, in all the excitement, we didn't notice the stealthiest character of the group slip away.

Remember I mentioned she talks to her sword? and it may or may not talk back? Well the thing is lying on the ground. She never leaves it, it's never more than an arms reach away. The thing is pointing down the hall.

I go to pick it up. I lift it just fine, but the damn thing won't change it's orientation, it points rigidly North North East.

What we can only assume is the direction she went in.

I hand the sword to the wizard (who as a wizard is meant to know about this shit), and we proceed to slice pie in the direction the thing points.

>>38155150
I doubt your DM would've let you get away with killing a bug alien with a book anyway.

>>38155209
We follow the sword, the thing works just like a divining rod. Cruella's player is loving this.

We appear to have left the medical wing, as we enter what may or may not have been a canteen, we meet more aliens, one firefight later (which although awesome, isn't exciting to retell) and we head onward.

There's a distinct and very weird hum in the floor. This thing is starting to power up.

We travel through what must be the cryosleep area, lots and lots and lots empty pods, and then as we pelt down a corridor.

>Bonjour mes amis

>>38155338
As far as we know, there was only one woman in either expedition, Evelyn De-Baguette.

She's still a woman, whether she is human is an entirely different matter.

The aliens have done...something to her, she's a lot more and lot less than human.

I will not attempt to replicate the DM's atrocious French accent, but what she said was:

"Don't be jealous boys, it only works on women, and doesn't it look good? They've got me, and now they have your friend, they've been asleep for a long time, and now that the aliens are awake, they can begin to rebuild, to repopulate...your friend is going to help."

>Muh magical realm (no shut the fuck up)

>>38155432
The sword points straight past Evelyn. The Purple Penguin doesn't like it when we hit girls. So we don't. We burn her.

The DM occasionally forgets that a flamethrower is actually pretty damn useful in a bossfight (he really shouldn't have let Angus have one....) and we burn her up good.

We follow our diving rod, and there in true Martian style, is Cruella in a pod, and a fuckload of Aliens. They do not seem particularly amused with us either. We're a bit annoyed with them too.

>>38155432
How was Cruella's player taking this information?

>>38155522
Highly amused. The DM had bribed her beforehand and she found us all getting butthurt about aliens turning her into their queen more than a little funny. Bear in mind she played almost exactly what she is like in personality. Therefore, the idea of anyone doing something she didn't want was hilarious to her.

>>38155592
Now that I ask her about it. "I wanted to be the Princess for once."

Which tbh is the best answer you're all gonna get.

>>38155509
The combat is more than bloody, they swarm us, we set to it, shells, flame, sharp objects, and general violence. Leaving only the King/Queen/Captain we have no fucking idea what that is, but it's big, it's mean, and it isn't going to listen to diplomacy.

This thread ain't gonna go out just yet.

>>38156048
It was only on page 5.

>>38156094
I always approve of bumping.

>>38156140
And we still have many more left in this thread.

The the aliens burned nicely once you finally me them face-to-face and none of this invisible love tapping or mental assaults.
You'd think they'd use both of those while fighting the party up close though.

>>38156140
by the way, would anon prefer it if I did describe combat in more detail? It'll take longer and I wasn't sure how interesting it is to really talk about seeing as you're here for the story. "I shot them in the face multiple times" probably isn't very exciting.

>>38156236
I wouldn't be opposed to you going into detail if anyone pulled off anything interesting or particularly memorable in normal combat.

>>38156270
Now anons, I must leave you all for a little while, I'll try and return for more typing before bedtime.

>>38156270
This.
Also, that alien warcry is fucking terrifying. Listening to the musical version of War of the Worlds while reading this thread...so British...so hopeless in the face of the alien menace...

>>38156497
>the musical version of War of the Worlds
>Dat bit between Nathaniel and Beth
>So many feels

Holy shit this is so good, like an orgasm for my ears.

>>38155656
This is adorable

Where are the pics? Think about the children, the future generation, THEY NEED IT TOO!!

>>38157095
As in drawings or screencaps?

Because I think it has become much longer than the standard set of screencaps.

>>38157258
There's a first time for everything, and really, i think it's worth the effort.

>>38157370
agreed, i've only caught the necromancer adventure, need to know more...

>>38157258
>As in drawings or screencaps?
If I wasn't balls deep in another commission I'd finish drawing the rest of the team. I might have to post them in a draw thread in the near future.

>>38157597
See >>38151665 then.

Are people more likely to read something if it's in screencap form instead of a link posted to an archived thread?

>>38157634
I think Britbongsteros should have a page on 1d4chan once all the stories are told.

>>38157656
I think so. I hardly go check archives these days, especially with 4chanx opening images just by hovering over them.

>>38157656
firstly: you are a true gentleman.
secondly: yes probably, but i missed the link.

>>38157804
>>38157780
Well there was someone capping the other stories, but who knows if they've been keeping up with the threads.

The caps should probably each only contain one story each from this campaign.

>>38157763
Agreed, it deserves!!
>>38157656
To have it saved in the PC, why not? It doesn't hurts, does it?

>>38156292
I return Anon.

So. We are looking at a very big alien. It is looking at us. It's a lot like a carnifex. There is a feeling like a pulse in reality. Metal objects grow lighter. Spent shell casings float up from the deck. Angus rolls lowest and his eyes go black. The alien speaks through him.

>You have not beaten us yet. We came to this earth and slept until life grew, life which we could use to outbreed the heathens on our homeworld. Life such as this broodmother (Cruellas player puts down her glass of wine and thumps the DM) this excellent broodmare? (She hits him harder) this lovely specimen (she mulls it over and nods. This is about the only time I have ever seen DM look scared) we blunted your magic, your resources, but the device did not work as planned, in another hundred years or so when your population hit seven billion or so we would have emerged and the breeding and killing would have been sweet. Now I shall simply settle for scouring this earth.

He hits a switch on Cruelllas pod and legs it.

there's no dilemma, we are not leaving her in that thing, so we break her out of it. She is back in character, and her character is pissed.

>>38158193
if this isn't clear for anyone . What the alien is saying through puppet Angus is that in our world. I.e. not britbongsteros, the world of 4chan and double downs, we have no magic or similar because they are there, at the North Pole, waiting until we as a species are ready for harvest.

>>38158052
I usually just save the whole page when I want to keep a thread.
It's come in handy a few times when the really old archives were wiped.
But since we're talking caps...

The OP is "The Necromancers of Scotland" so the next caps should be:
-The Battleship Brunmiggi (I think that goes hand-in-hand of the keeping the queen in power first part)
-The Bloody Queen
-The French clownleechspidersnake things
-The Beastmen of Wales
-The Elders of Ireland

And then the current tale of this northern expedition followed by whatever next two are.

This is a nine part saga.

>>38158193
We pursue the alien. Thanking him for his exposition, it's now time to kill him. He hasn't gone far and Cruella (her modesty covered by my overcoat) scents him and follows at a sprint. She must have been getting bonuses to rolls because she slices and dices down the halls to the bridge. Where the alien is doing...something to the controls. He is setting a course? To a small nearby red planet? (Yes they are Martians).

The combined efforts of the party ensure he doesnt, then with the thing put down. There's an ominous and familiar beep. The same as the aliens on the ice made.

The beep of self destruct.

>Time to go.

>>38158299
It's going hollywood someday, i feel it!!

>>38158362
Damn, I was hoping you'd steal the ship.

>>38158299
Holy shit I wrote a saga

>>38158299
We leg it. The way back isn't hard to find (follow the bodies mostly) and coming to the door, we are pleased to find it open (thanks DM) we proceed up the chunnel and out to the CAT.

>KATHOOOOOM

the ship goes up and we are thrown to the ground. The Alien that followed us isn't. It's bloodied from our fight on the bridge but not as dead as we thought. It makes straight for me and sticks a talon through my (mechanical) shoulder as the rest of the party make for the creature to bash/thermic lance/stab/chainsaw it, Cruella goes for the harpoon gun.

It has me say:

>I sent a signal to Mars. They won't be long...

Cruella lays the gun. Aims.
>Get away from him you bitch. No I'm his bitch, well really he's mine but...no look fuck you ok?

The harpoon is more than enough to finish the thing off.

We take the head back to the coast, the Intrepid and London for tea and medals.

>>38158530
*take the CAT and head back to the coast.

This site is impossible to use on a mobile.

>>38157634
Also, yay! Drawfag! MOAR

>>38158530
You and your group played through a saga.
Usually we just get stories of one off campaigns, I guess that says a lot about the longevity of your group.

>>38158581
I make you this vow, friend Dwarf; you and your allies will be immortalised all, in imageries of finest colour...eventually.

>>38158530
And that anons, is why the North Pole sucks balls.

For our next tale, we go somewhere a bit warmer and sandier. Who wants to guess?

>>38158665
Africa? Plz? Fighting were-jaguar Zulu?

>>38158665
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqElJnsUvtE

>>38158665
I'll say it's a toss up between the middle-east or the Sahara Desert.

>>38158710
This anon gets it. We are off to the middle east but not quite yet. We rest up in London and have one of our little mini breaks (a beach episode if you will) now every time I do this I ask do you want to hear about this are you sure?

And the response is always

>TELL US MOAR

so I'm not going to ask and will tell you of our little mini adventures before Araby.

>>38158782
By their nature they are all interlinked and chop and change about a bit so the story telling is a bit tarantino.

>>38158782
>so I'm not going to ask and will tell you

muh nigga

>>38158815
The stories are:
Aldous needs more pipe tobacco
Angus does science
The bard rocks out
The wizard and the Navvie go to a whorehouse
and Cruella and the talking sword

Some are short, some are longer, but they can be told in any order. What would Anon like to hear first?

I'll give you all five minutes to vote or I'll just pick one.

I'll manage one or maybe two before turning in.

>>38158885
>The wizard and the Navvie go to a whorehouse
c'maaaaaan, whatta you expect us to say?

>>38158917
I agree.

>>38158917
I should have known.

>The Wizard and Navvie go to a whorehouse

So. Aboard the Intrepid we were able to Taxidermy the head of the Alien. Our first order of business is to explain to the Privy Council what the fuck just happened and while Sir Richard Bacon and Sir David Attenborough examine the thing and Sir Patrick [Cyborg murder body] Moore examines mars anew, we are sent on our way

>>38159015
The rest of the party all have specific stuff they want to do. The Navvie also has something specific.

>I want to get drunk and fuck. Who wants to come?

Angus?
>DM roll to see how your sheep infection is doing please
>umm no count me out

>Bard?
>sex? Never heard of it. I'm going to [have my adventure]

>Aldous?
>Cruella: We are but not while you guys watch. We will see you later.

>umm ok, wizard?
>Wait aren't I married? No I...I could come but not touch I guess...

>>38159094
>I want to get drunk and fuck.
After everything they've been through, who can blame him?

>>38159094
>To Soho we go
So a wizard and a Navvie walk into a whorehouse.

The Navvie dissapears upstairs. Thudding, screaming and general happy large man noises can be heard. The wizard gets into a game. Of roulette.

>Roulette balls are steel aren't they?

>aren't I able to control steel?

Amazingly enough, the roullette table is rigged, and the local lowlives are extremely unimpressed when a Scotsman in a dress rigs it the other way.

>>38159169
They'll be impressed when chainsaws start flying around.

>>38159169
Murderously unimpressed.

They pick up the wizard, it would have been better if they had drawn knives at least that would have been easier. I should add by the time wizard has won the pot, he's quite pissed. Like very. He would have trouble summoning a pair of scissors let alone a chainsaw.

His manly screams of Heeeeeeeeellllllllp are heard by the Navvie upstairs however.

Now the Navvie is a simple man, he likes pies, stout, and round bubble butts. He takes a direct approach.

>My buddy downstairs is in trouble.

>I am upstairs

>stairs will waste time

So stark naked, he leaps from bed, takes his hammer, and slams it into the wooden floor, down comes a huge naked man and a bed with four PAWGs on it.

The bar brawl that followed sees the Peelers called (early form of police to Ameri-nons) and rather than take them on and injure officers of the law, they retreat upstairs, and as there is a covered wagon below, leap for it, a naked huge man with a hammer and a scrawny drunk Scot with a bag of money. We will pause their tale there as this is where they enter another.

>>38159298
Ok one more then sleep for me, which would anon like?

>>38159298
>four PAWGs
Dammit Aldous, I'm trying not to fap here!

>>38159344
talking sword, I want to learn a little more about her

I'm certainly seeing the Tarantino element now.

>>38159298
> So stark naked, he leaps from bed, takes his hammer, and slams it into the wooden floor, down comes a huge naked man and a bed with four PAWGs on it.

God DAMN it, where are the drawfags when you need them?

>>38159094
Sheep infection?

>>38159450
He got friendly with a sheep in Wales.

>>38159370
Well this is a fairly short one actually. I might manage another after.

So we know that Cruella acquired a bastard sword some time ago. It started talking to her and her to it not long after. They mostly talk about their favourite things, blood and violence. She likes those and it likes those.

She acquired the sword as one does, in a shop, she saw the thing and liked it.

She wants to learn more about it, so we take it to the royal armouries to have it examined. (Her and I)
after some pondering the dwarves there get very very excited

>it's Excalibur

They persuade her to part with it for a few hours, to examine it.

She and I spend a very pleasant few hours in fade to black. We return,

>yeah....We got robbed last night... Only one item missing and its

>Cruella broke the poor bastards nose and we go to look for it. In London. A needle in haystack made of smaller haystacks

>>38159500
Ah, I misremembered that part and thought that King Rorke was the one who fucked a sheep.

>>38159537
We set off, Cruellas [spider sense] leads us to Soho and we pause there

Next up?

>>38159583
pipe tobacco pls

>>38159558
That probably also happened.

Incidentally, are there any screencaps of the Wales and Ireland adventures? I only have up to pic related.

>>38159558
Nope Angus crit failed an "I roll to seduce a female centaur" (dumb bastard) and fucked a sheep instead by accident

>>38159614
sheep pussy vs horse pussy
whoever wins...we lose.

This thread better still be up tomorrow or I will be jolly upset.

>>38159609
Afraid not.

I really think they should be broken up to contain one arc each though.

>>38159602
>Aldous needs pipe tobacco
While we are in Soho, I spot a tobbacconists, and in the window, is my brand of pipe tobacco. I know that a local tobacconist is an excellent source of gossip so Cruella condescends to let us go in, we bump into a passerby on the way in but successfully purchase a kilo of good dwarven smoke, our gossip plan fails however, then Cruella realises her bracelet is gone.

That guy we bumped into is still out in the street, he must be a really really shit pick pocket if...

He spots us, and turns to run, he is stopped in his tracks by a huge naked man and a scrawny Scot with a bag of money landing on him.

>>38159753
Ha ha! Now you have to finish them all!

>>38159753
(They missed the wagon)
So while they apologise to the poor guy, we run to them, the police are starting to run out of the building. We ask the Navvie to pick up the thief and the four of us (plus squashed thief) run the fuck away

>>38159818
This'd be a great way for a DM to introduce a new PC, have them pickpocket a party member then make a getaway from the combined threat of the cops, then let them sort it out and team up afterwards.

>>38159818
>for gods sake man out some clothes on.

We duck into an alleyway and the Navvie puts the thief down.

>In want your boots, your clothes, and by the way have you heard anything about any swords?

The poor bastard tries to get naked, Return cruellas bracelet and explain to us that a local "legitimate businessman" - John Borisson is looking after a very important sword shaped package until it can be shipped to France tomorrow.

>>38159925
This is where the story of the four of us pauses, two left but I think it's best I save them for the morning if I have time.

>>38159960
Sounds like elf-talk to me, boy. Never pegged you for a quitter.

>>38159658
Welcome to my conundrum last night.

I can see keeping this up all night will be an uphill battle.

>>38158052
On the subject of a 1d4chan page for Britbongsteros, they way I'd do it is start with the the first two posts in the OP pic at the top of the article.

Then have a "Setting" section, a "Party Members" section, followed by the "Story" section with >>38158299 (along with tales told after it and yet to be told) as sub sections to that section.
Then an "External Links" thing below that.

I figure if it actually gets made, it should be made properly and not half-assedly.

Bumping this wondrous thread with assorted snowjalopniks.

>>38162172

>>38162186

>>38162209
"Niet paniemaio vroom-vroomki, tovarich?"

>>38162217

>>38162231

>>38162246
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDQ7hXMLxGc

>>38162299

>>38162320

>>38162347
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cyokaj3BJU

>>38162362

>Britbongsteros is a setting my group made up and played in about four or five years back
>Britbong being a term existing for about 2 years

Yah, okay.

>>38162172
It's the 3am - 9am 4chan time when it's really going to need bumps.

>>38162387
Mad Max V: Electric Katajjaq

>>38162448

>>38162484
Long story short: they built it, shipped to Antarctica, didn't work

>>38162396
Fuck off.

>>38162396
There's no certainty the setting was called Britbonsteros. Game of Thrones wasn't popular five years ago either. I always though Britbonsteros was a nickname, an afterthought.

>>38162396
>britbong existing only two years
>implying you're not just new as fuck

Whatever, dick

Bumping in the night.

Someone will need to bump this thread in three hours if we want it to have a chance of lasting through the night.

>>38158530
>Holy shit I wrote a saga
Well, you want to write a novel, right? Now, I don't know if it's supposed to have anything to do with britbongsteros, but everything's gotta start somewhere, and a step may grow to a journey. And I for my part would probably read that thing.

>>38166707
I would indeed like to set a book in Britbongsteros, indeed perhaps to tell these same tales. It's been lovely to be able to share all this, and I am most grateful to bump-anons for allowing me to do so.

Now if there are any anons about, I wonder what you'd like to hear next of the two left?

Bumping for dawn

>>38166945
>rocking out pls

>>38163774
>>38163221
These anons are correct. It was always just called "the setting" or "our setting" so I devised a 4chan friendly name for you all to refer to it by.

>>38166945
>Angus does science
does sound very interesting, imo.

>>38166974
This anon asked first

>Bard: guys, I don't really do much do I?

>you play the bagpipes and kick anything that gets too close?

>yeah but that's combat Barding. I want to...I want to play for my public.

> you're in London, that famous home of bagpipes and scottishness but ok..

>>38167009
>exactly, I will play my through the city, I will busk, I will play for the poor and rich alike, I will bring the joy of music to all!

It turns out playing the bagpipes in London in britbongsteros is not exactly popular, he gets thrown out of Trafalgar Square, punted out of the inns of court, starts a brawl in the Royal Society, and a riot in the Globe.

The bard heads for Soho.

He is approached in Soho by some rough looking men.

>our boss really likes bagpipes, come play for him! Tonight you shall play at the home of Borrisson, John Borrisson.
>ooh ok!

>>38167047
And now we pause,

>Angus does science.

Angus decides to get his Sheep Transmitted Disease cured.

His research takes him to a doctor ("Ah what the fuck is that!?") A barber surgeon ("What the flying fuck is that!?") And finally another less reputable doctor.

"There is an eastern remedy that might help, you'll need to acquire some components for me though"

>Gives list

>"where am I going to find "tears of a Phoenix killed on the second Tuesday of the month?"

>I dunno, try John Borrison in Soho, what he sells isn't always of the best provenance but if he doesn't have it, he can get it...

>>38167047
>>38167095
>John Borrison wherever you turn

God tier Dm.

>>38167131
on the one hand, it's sort of railroading on the other hand, it made a random series of subplots into an adventure that was a lot of fun (and no aliens, elder gods, blood sacrifice or anything else for once)

>>38167149
It's railroading done right. Any of the characters could have refused the Borrison hook, walked away and did something completely different. Linking all of this together is clever.

>>38167131
>>38167149
>Who the fuck is John Borrison?

Well we know he lives in Soho, he has an emporium of well known whores, (referred to as "Boris Bikes" because amazingly everyone has had a ride") and a mop of unruly straw coloured hair.

>you're setting us up to fight "Boris Johnson" DM...

>>38167182

If he catered to the underage hooker market would he have called them Borris minors?

>>38167208
Oh dear that's dreadful. Funny yes, but also dreadful.

So we return to the party of four (Cruella, wizard- still pissed by the way, Navvie - no longer naked, and myself who is surrounded by a cloud of most excellent and noxious smoke)

>>38168244
The party of four wait for dusk and assemble outside of the city mansion of Mr Borrison, we have a look around. It's got highwalls and guards.

We retire to a nearby tavern (the Wizard would rather be drunk than hungover) to discuss.

>Topic 1

Do we want to kill Mr Borrison?

Probably not. As far as we know he's a criminal but not actually bad as such.

>How do we get in and get out with the sword?

As we ponder. Suddenly.
The Seeker by The Who: http://youtu.be/UAbzlj3nf4E
on the bagpipes, and its coming from Borrisons house.

>>38159609
I'd be happy enough with a thread that is readable and not 404'd.

>>38168653
Nevermind, found at https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/37900344/

>>38168673
If you just type "britbongsteros" into Google you can find the relevant threads without too much difficulty (again one of the reasons I chose the name for storytime)

>>38168895
Greetings anons. Cheekily tapping this out in court. Are you all happy with the physical descriptions of the characters? If you'd like detail, tell me who.

>>38169538
The drawfag showing interest might need greater detail, so go ahead.

Also, bumping.

>>38170588
I fancy a break from paperwork. Who shall I start with?

>>38170984
Let's get caught up with Angus.

>>38171012
Angus is easy, he's green warhammer type ork. He carries pic related and is dressed like (next post)

>>38171054
Like this except there's a kilt instead of trousers (still with wellies) and the goggles are more like old fashioned motorcycle goggles.

>>38171110
He would usually be soot stained and would use the pilot light on flamethrower to light a cigar and vis versa

>>38171012
Next?

>>38171151
You mean to tell me that there's TWO maniacs with kilts in the group? Yikes...

Ah, well, might as well go for the other kilt-clad maniac, then.

>>38171176
Bard. This is literally the photo he used iirc.

>>38171214
How's the wizard look like? 08/15 wizard, or something different?

>>38171239
What's an 08/15 wizard?

>>38171255
Ah, sorry. 'twas dumb of me. 08/15 means normal, standard.

>>38171239
Less military and with an opera cape, but that is basically wizard, with the tache and a big steel ring of keys on his belt (Symbolizing his mastery of metal) He would normally have a metal cane and a backup webley revolver

>>38170984
Now, we have Cruella and Navvie left. You all already know what me and the penguin look like.

>>38171353
Let's save the eye-candy (that would quite possibly kill me for that comment) for last, and go have a gander at Navvie

>>38171353
Somewhat off-topic, but I have a question and I don't think it ever came up: How's Austria/Österreich-Ungarn and the Switzerland look like? Did they even come up with your group?
Failing that, go with the Navvie.

>>38171419
Yes she would.

>>38171436
You I'll answer later (once I make something up)

>>38171436
The Navvie is dressed like a traditional Navvie, so like the one in the middle here but absolutely fook hueg.

>>38171508
Oh and with a little peterhead tartan neckerchief. Pic related

>>38171546
This leaves cruella. This is a bit more complicated and she purposefully entered my magical realm and set up camp with this one.

>>38171615
First you need this, but in brunette.

>>38171649
Wearing that. Minus hat.

>>38171684
Waving this about.

>>38171615
Unf. I need to think about cricket for a while now.

>>38171684
Hat included?

>>38171766
Eyes right anon. Read the post again.

>>38137234
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCAFD8mMqls

>Vid related

>>38171804
Ah.
I too may need to think about cricket.

And the drawfag has a good reference.

Incidentally, does Excalibur have powers, other than acting as a diving rod and possibly talking?

>>38171946
Yes Cruellas player is lovely but when she looks you in the eye as she describes her character wearing what you mentally call her *riding* gear. You realise she's kind of a (wonderful) bitch.

>Excalibur

You'll find out later

>>38171864
Well that killed my magical realm related thoughts most expertly. Thank you anon. It was also the perfect video for what you were replying to.

>>38137234
>a famous French mercenary and explorer, half hobbit, half troll and not the way you'd expect either. Monsieur Talleyrand-De Baguette the elder was one fucking brave rapist hobbit.

The Miles Vorkosigan School of Monsters Recruitment attacks again!!

>>38172468
Damn that series was a fun read

>>38172029
I have a theory.

>>38173408
Tell the class

>>38173408

>>38173871
>>38173828
I think the picture speaks for itself, but then again, Godzilla summoning is something that has been established.

>>38168572
Ok /tg/ I have a lot more work to do tonight than I expected. So I'm going to finish this tale off before I dissapear, that way the thread can hit it's post limit and we can start afresh with adventures in Araby. Sound good?

>>38174305
It's worth noting that the parties heavy weaponry (the gatling and the flamethrower isn't being carted around with us)

So we skip now to Angus. He has been following the crudely drawn directions to John Borrisson's shop, house, warehouse and mansion (combined). He has been told to get there, and ask for the Apothecary.

He arrives and approaches the shop (i.e. the south side of the building).

The guard says (in awful cockney which again I'm not going to try)

"Nah the Ceildh (he pronounces it "Celd ay") is on the other side. Go round mate."

Angus looks shy, Angus says "I'm actually here to see...The Apothecary..."

The guard looks him up and down, "Hahaha what did you fuck?"

Angus goes as red as an orc can and heads into the shop.

He gives the apothecary (actually a very happy looking dryad) the list,

>Fucked a sheep did we?

HOW DO YOU PEOPLE ALL KNOW THIS?

>DM: Angus your balls sure are sore....you sure you want to get pissed off at the only guy who might be able to help?

I mean...yes I would like some ointment please.

>>38174434
The apothecary is rummaging through shelves, humming to himself, suddenly Angus stands bolt upright

I hear...I hear bagpipes!

Oh yeah, something the boss is up to, anyway look this potion, there might be some side effects....

>>38174474
Meanwhile, upstairs,

The bard is in his element, it turns out John Borrison isn't actually human, he has a thatch of straw for hair, not straw coloured.

(I mean he's an Ent)

The bard is on a table, piping to a court of criminals, they do their best to dance as the great tree claps and belches his joy.

The bard keeps rolling perfomance checks and he's doing beautifully.

He's well into https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rjbrqcQ5Sw [Highland Laddie] having already played Dashing White Sergeant and others. The Bard is over the moon.

About 1:40 in the video. The great stained glass window at the east side of the hall shatters.

GIVE ME BACK MY SWORD YOU FUCK.

>>38174593

>Rewind

So the four of us are down the side of the building, we reason that shock and awe is our best tactic, we don't know if it's the bard inside, but he probably needs rescuing, therefore we decide to go full on Sir Lancelot and crash the party.

We acquire some rope, easily get up the side of the building (Cruella) and then abseil through the glass.

As Cruella shouts "GIVE ME BACK MY SWORD YOU FUCK"

The bard stops playing.

>>38174655
>Change channel,

Downstairs, Angus is handed the ointment.

>Angus "I'm gonna apply it now, my nads are on fire here."

>Angus roll a D20 please.

The DM consults a list. Please note that the DM checking a list is really, really bad. He starts laughing. That's even worse.

>>38174676
>Upstairs

There's a mexican stand off developing, the entire room (although not well armed), vs the four of us with the bard in the middle.

It's looking bad.

Cruella stops shouting, instead she looks at John Borrison, straight in the eyes and says

"You have something of mine. Right next to you in fact. In that chest. I want it back."

>Why should I.. (there is a large amount of pistols levelled at us by the party goers) give it to you?

Things get tense. DM has us rolling dice to see whose nerve breaks first. Us VS them.

Suddenly, the door at the North end of the hall is kicked down.

>>38174676
>Downstairs.

>DM: Yeah Angus...mate...look...your balls. They're actually...they're on fire...

>Angus's player: "yeah I know they are, fucking sheep...."

>DM: "No Angus, I mean, On. Fire."


Angus goes into a panic, screaming for water, everything in the apothecarion is either explosive or probably bad. Angus is directed upstairs, fanning his crotch with his kilt, he charges blindly, kicking down a door.

>>38174777
Angus bursts into the hall.

He's crotch is on fire, his kilt being flapped from nose to thigh rapidly. He is a true scotsman and his scotsman is wreathed in blue flame.

Angus runs straight through the middle of us, as he runs he spots an open cask of beer, and dunks his crotch.

>Best. Thing. Ever.

>>38174794
John Borrison is the first one to start laughing. He's also the first one to lower his weapons.

>Fine, have the sword, that was the best thing I've ever seen.

Later, as we dance, party and ceildh, I ask Angus something.

"Alright, I understand why the Bard was here, I know why we were here, and but why were you here?"

>Not. Fucking. Word. Not. One. Fucking. Word. Aldous.

>>38174777
>your balls. They're actually...they're on fire
>he spots an open cask of beer, and dunks his crotch.
I'm dyin' here anon

>>38174846
And that anons, was our beach episode.

>>38174846
and that Anon, was our beach episode.
We all got drunk, Angus got a bucket of ice, Cruella cuddled her sword,

The next installment is a lot more mysterious, sandy, and violent.

>>38174846
>Not. One. Fucking. Word. is what I meant, there's a "one" missing.

>>38174865
Another fine addition to the saga.

The "Beach" Episode

>>38174997
Well if I do these silly fluff pieces, there's technically still three arcs left.

Arse. More typing.

>>38174794
I kind of imagine everyone stopping whatever they're doing/pointing, looking at poor Angus and wondering "what the bloody hell was that?"

Hilarious.

When should I start to look for next time?

>>38175020
I'll stick around for another half hour or so if any anons want to ask anything, but then I'll have to go and do some work. Next installment will be when I get the chance.

>>38175030
Which is either tomorrow night (if I stay in and let Cruella go out with the girls unescorted) or Monday

>>38175020
I like the silly pieces, adds more depth to it all.

>>38175208
I'll keep doing them, I've learnt every time I try and miss something out, you guys (quite rightly) won't let me.

>>38175361
I'm gonna give this one last bump so hopefully the Americans get to see it

>>38171436
I knew I'd forgotten something. Sorry anon.

>The Austro-Hungarian Empire
The empire was called the sick man of Europe (no really) in Britbongsteros it actually is. The Empire has been struck by a plague, there is a cure, and it is ferociously well guarded. If a male joins the army and allows himself to become a cyborg, then his immediate family will receive the cure (please note that this includes sons). Otherwise, you'll be dead. If you're a cyborg, most of the time you walk about on a small cyborg body (think Mech Trooper from Xcom and their base bodies) but if deployed for war, you're removed into an enormous steam powered space marine dreadnought.

The nobility however live quite happily (being noble means automatic cure of the "peasants disease") and Vienna is an idyllic walled city.

This has made Austria a nightmarish amalgam of plague ridden hell hole and hedonists paradise, but also means they have a terrifyingly efficient army.


>Switzerland

The place is already Britbongsteros enough. The Swiss are heavily armed, sit on huge piles of money and wired the entire country for demolition. I really cannot Britbongsteros that.

The Swiss have remained solidly out of the affairs of Britbongsteros, remaining normal, painfully so.

>>38177123
Actually now I think back on it, it is this normalcy which is their greatest strength, they have no hell portals, weird dragons or any other shit. This is why they're trusted by Europe as bankers.

They are also fiercly independent and want to keep the lunacy of the rest of Europe out, they patrol the mountain passes, slaughtering ANYTHING remotely non human. Their mercenaries are famed throughout Europe for their proficiency in taking down magical entities, making them highly sought after.

Also they make quite good chocolate.

>>38177181
The Belgians of course disagree, saying they make the best beer and chocolate.

Each year the Belgian dragons send one young (human sized) dragon to compete against the Swiss champion chocolatier in unarmed combat.

They send the same dragon to fight the German BrewMeister as the Germans claim they make the best beer.

No Belgian has beaten both in one year. It is said that should a Belgian beat both. Europe shall tremble.

>>38177245
What ABOUT those germans? I can't remember if you've told anything aside from Bearmen, has (well, had) at least one fuckhueg battleship... how is the rest of the country? All Prussian Glory, or is there room for some Oktoberfest? United or divided into the germanies?

(Also, shame about the lack of vikings)

Huh, I guess there had to be at least one place in the setting that was "normal" but I was expecting clockwork abominations or something from the Swiss.

>>38177484
Off to bed soon anons but ok.

>Germany

Germany is Prussian as fuck. Prussiand are gryphons, bears are north Germans, the south is wolfmen, there are some humans but each area has its species. The rhineland is quite pleasant, but to the east the Germans and Poles (who I will remind you are literally eagles) fight constantly, Austria Hungary and Germany have a great deal of cross pollination. The Germans have been trying for years to close the battleship gap on Britain, building fewer but increasingly bigger ships. The Brunnmigi was the equal of any of our greatest ships, and there are several more like her. The Royal Navy might still out number the Germans, but the RN are spread out across the world, and the home and Atlantic fleets suffered massive losses at the battle of the gap (Ireland). The Germans see the rest of Europe as ripe for the taking now. Especially France. Britbongsteros has a united Britain for the first time in decades, and Britain is frantically building ships, but the Germans are eyeing up France like the Navvie does a girl with a round ass.

>>38178652
Actual German life is a mix of Prussian (Gryphon) Teutonic discipline, bear beer and cheeriness, and wolf like astuteness and pack efficiency. It's potent and with plenty room for bier und wurst but if you havent seen a wolf in Liederhosen you don't know true fear.

>who rules Germany?
The Kaiser and his badass gryphon tache

>who runs Germany?
Otto Von Bismarck of course.

>>38177484
>where are the Vikings
Adding too many flavours can confuse things (or at least that was where we got with it) the Nordics are quite chilled As discussed previously.

>>38178735
A final note on the Germans. They had an additional aspect to them.

>POWER METAL
If Britain was Saxon (the band) the Germans are Motorhead.

Designed purposefully to be similar but different. What this meant in practice was that whenever the Germans did anything it had to be as EPIC as Britain's but in a different way.

>>38178882
Oh holy potato, who needs Hail and Kill if we can have THIS??!

>>38178961
Well I would say metal has been a big influence on Britbongsteros as a lot of the songs that appear have been favourites of our group.

>>38159015
So, now you need magical black goo to fight the killer martian mindfuck bugs.

I'm guessing it's necessary for making a spaceship, or at least rockets.

I'm gonna bump it.

Personally I don't mind waiting until Monday for more of this story, but I'll still bump this thread.

We've got about 24 more bumps lefts, but I'm gonna bump it anyway since that might make another person see this.

bump

>>38136190
Ah yiiiis!
Aldous is back!
The Purple Penguin approves!

>>38187056
Well if this is still here tonight and if I'm around tonight I'll use this thread to link to the new one that I should probably make for more stories.

BUMPIN

Let's give it a morning bump.

>>38189730
As far as I know I have permission to stay in tonight and amuse anon. I should (unless unforeseen circumstances) return about 19:00 GMT

>>38191859
And I had hoped to learn tonight. Ah, Curses upon thee!
Nah, jk, nice to hear.

>>38191879
Giving this a quick bump

>>38193866
Alright /tg/ you have fifteen posts left in. this thread. Shall we use them for something or will I make a new thread?

>>38194011
I'd just make a new thread.

>>38194011
Off we go then

New thread here
>>38194227