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36965293 No.36965293 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>A large bounty has been placed on a woman wielding a sword attached to her person via an umbilical cord

>> No.36965317

There's magical realm, and then there's this.

I don't know what the fuck you're going for with this one.

>> No.36965351

more like umbilical SWORD amirite

>> No.36965358

>>36965293
So what you're saying is we need to get some decent slashing weapons before we go after this broad?

>> No.36965391

>>36965293
How does she wear armor if she's got a string of flesh running from her belly button to her hand?

>> No.36965405

Sometimes I worry that my belly button will open up and my guts will fall out. Thanks for reminding me with your umbilical cord shenanigans, OP!

>> No.36965413

Gods damned, unless you are such a crazy good swordsman that you can cut the air or some shit, you do not want to mess with somebody that crazy. They are probably channeling some deity of revenge and can cut through solid plate with their finger nails or cleave falling stars in two with a stare.

>> No.36965434 [DELETED] 
File: 310 KB, 861x1500, url.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36965434

>>36965391

Like so

>> No.36965436
File: 65 KB, 729x694, noreactionatall.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36965436

>> No.36965448

>>36965434
There's a bit of metal in the way of the umbilical cord.

>> No.36965451

>>36965293
Wait, is the sword attached to their belly button or did they give birth to it?

>> No.36965458

>>36965391
>>36965405

It's coming out of her vagina. She was pregnant and was attacked by evil dudes who cut out her baby and killed it so she pledged herself to some crazy god or goddess of blood filled vengeance and gave birth to a magic sword that cuts life from the living without touching them.

>> No.36965519

>>36965458

Very touching. I shall serve her faithfully from a distance, and maybe one day she will come to love me as I love her.

>> No.36965523

>>36965405
Your guts won't fit through your bellybutton, fool.

>> No.36965548

>>36965293
So the other end of the umbilical cord is attached to a placenta, then? Can she...pull that out and use it as some kind of flail? Pull some "Master of the Flying Guillotine" shit or something?

I'm not actually sure we want anything to do with this, regardless of the size of that bounty.

>> No.36965551

>>36965451
>>36965458
Welp

>> No.36965583

>>36965458
>god or goddess

There's pretty much a 100% chance it's 'goddess'.

>> No.36965595

>>36965458
So has she been killing people in an insufficiently discriminate fashion, or is the bounty from the evil dudes looking to save their own skins?

>> No.36965598
File: 156 KB, 500x282, chugging_bleach.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36965598

>>36965458

I would like to thank you for coming up with what has to be the most magical realm I have ever seen in all of my time browsing /tg/. In fact, I would say that this goes BEYOND mere magical realm shit and is now something else entirely. A decade from now, I will be in bed, staring up at my ceiling in the dark and trying to force myself to go to sleep. And sleep will flee from me, because of the simple fact that someone on this planet actually took the time to post something like this to the internet where everyone could see it. Mere words cannot describe my feelings at present. No image can either. The sheer level of idiocy present here is beyond the capabilities of mortal man to express. Even with this wall of text I am spending my time writing, I am underplaying just how stupid what I just read was.

Please. Just fucking stop. Please. For my sake, for your sake, and for the whole of humanity. Stop.

>> No.36965634

>>36965458
Dat pussy game ridiculous, tho

>> No.36965692

>>36965598
Well, here's a sentence I never thought I'd type:
>Meh; it's no worse than Wraeththu.

>> No.36965722

>>36965293
What the God Damn.

>> No.36965723

>>36965598
You say that as though this is in any way not something that could come out of classical mythology.

>> No.36965746

>>36965723
It could, but it didn't, and far more importantly it shouldn't.

>> No.36965749
File: 46 KB, 384x288, 1416532946054.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36965749

>>36965293
i dont even know if i hate this post or myself.

>> No.36965767
File: 162 KB, 500x313, archer_mad_before.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36965767

>>36965692
My Christ.

Why? Why did you have to remind me that Wraeththu exists? Why? I had buried that abomination deep. Buried it under Maker's Mark and marathon sessions of Farscape.

Why?

>>36965723

The whole of classical mythology was a magical realm! All of Greece was a magical realm!

>> No.36965772

>>36965293
If this is actually based off of some sort of book, movie, song, or other form of entertainment that currently exists today, I swear to moot that I will lose all faith in mankind's capacity for good. And then I'll become a serial killer who targets lunatics who come up with bullshit settings like this.

>> No.36965784

>>36965767
Ovid's Metamorphoses was the first recorded transformation fetish porn.

>> No.36965815

>>36965692
im reading the wraeththu right now for comedy

>> No.36965855

>>36965458
I'm fairly sure the only difference between this explanation and an actual myth I read about is the inclusion of the umbilical cord.

>> No.36965890

>>36965293
>>36965458
Am I the only person who doesn't find this particularly disturbing?

>> No.36965918

>>36965767
>Why? Why did you have to remind me that Wraeththu exists?
Shits and giggles. The real question is, what shear omnidirectional malevolence compels me to inform you that Wraeththu's creator, Storm Constantine, has done work in the rpg industry, and has writing credits in Werewolf: The Apocalypse, among others?

>> No.36965925

>>36965890
I find it more weird than disturbing. Like, that's got to make it kind of hard for her to do certain things, you know. Can the magic sword not sever its own cord or what?

>> No.36965937

>>36965890
no, and honestly, I find it highly disturbing that anyone would want to play a character that has a giant bladed weapon coming out of and attached to, a person's genitals.

There are some things best left unplayed.

>> No.36965940

>>36965293
So she gave birth to a sword?

Or a sword was her placenta in her mother's womb?

>> No.36965954

>>36965598

This ain't even my deal. I'm just a drunk guy using drunk logic to figure it out. If it's a grown women, that means she's more likely a mother, and the umbilical kinda confirms it. A sword is a total weapon, with no utilitarian uses, meaning revenge. Combine the two and you have a women who is seeking revenge for her baby who was taken from her. No magic realm involved.

Besides, I am into thick hipped centaur girls.

>> No.36965963

>>36965954
Or the sword could have been born with her, like she was some kind of marked for glory champion of war.

>> No.36965981

>>36965890
Honestly, I don't either. I mean, it's not my fetish or anything, it just seems like something that could easily come from any number of classical myths and not be known for being particularly fucked up.

>> No.36966025

>>36965981
See, I didn't read it as magical realm stuff either.
It actually just sounds like a really nice quest hook.

Like, "oh, here's this overtly horrifying bounty, but the money is SO GOOD"
I'd probably have the bounty be a little less descriptive so there can be some surprise later though.

>> No.36966047

>>36966025
Your party would make so many period jokes though. Just so many.

>> No.36966111

>>36965293
This is honestly pretty fucking metal dude.

>> No.36966156
File: 104 KB, 500x500, That's a stupid question.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36966156

Honestly I wouldn't find this weird at all if the sword wasn't still attached to her.
Like, getting such a raging revengeboner that it gestates inside you until it's born in the form of a weapon which you then use to take said vengeance is one of those things that's bizarre and yet awesome in a fantasy metal sort of way, but leaving it attached is just confusing.

>> No.36966164

>>36965890
Nah. One time my PCs told me to go all out since they could take anything I threw at them.

They couldn't take everything I threw at them. My advice is to look up ever disease you can think of and read Mai-chans everyday life along with some real guro.

>> No.36966167

>>36965963

Eh... Twins always have their own umbilical cord as far as I know. If they weren't actually connected but the girls treated the sword as her sister, talking to it or even taking consul from it, that would work.

>> No.36966201

>>36965405
>Sometimes I worry that my belly button will open up and my guts will fall out.
I have nightmares about pulling out my own teeth.

>> No.36966235

>>36966047
Oh my god, that gives me an amazing idea for some reason though.

At half health, the creature (which I'm calling "wrath-mother" in my head) becomes enraged and turns into a humanoid version of pic related. (although smaller and with the split starting at the bottom obviously)

>> No.36966257
File: 272 KB, 894x894, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36966257

>>36966235
oops. There we go.

>> No.36966271

>>36965595
Neither. The king just thinks she's too gross to live.

>> No.36966287

>>36965293
This sounds like a fanfiction spin on X/1999. Women giving birth to magic swords and all that.

>> No.36966334

>>36966201
Could be worse sleep paralysis is a bitch. It's one thing to have a nightmare it's another to have it while awake.

>> No.36966384

What existing God would do such a thing? Existing or Fictional? Hera?

>> No.36966386

My initial reaction, due to the mess and difficulty inherent in a sword attached via umbilical cord (especially through the vagina) was
>ew
>"aw shit, why is there a bounty on a crazed goddess?"

I suppose it could also be an angry mother who has beseeched some divinity for revenge, but either way she's probably pretty damn powerful.
And quite clearly a crazy bitch

>> No.36966406

>>36966384
Kali.

>> No.36966418

>>36966386
Honestly my first question was "What if someone cuts the cord?"

>> No.36966467

>>36966418
see
>>36966257
because
>>36966235

>> No.36966568

>>36966467
God damn it now I want this as a boss in the game I'm GMing.

"Suddenly there is a screaming women yelling at you. She reaches down and pulls out a sword with an umbilical cable attached and tosses it. Roll a reflex save."

>> No.36966721

>>36965692

Fuck you guy, it's Christmas. Why did I have to discover this shit today.

>> No.36966738

>>36966721
It's the gift that keeps on giving!

>> No.36966932

>>36966721
Just give it to a family member anon. Then tell them to give 5 copies to their friends. This way everyone knows what to read.

>> No.36966950

>>36966406
Does she have any connections with childbirth/motherhood though?

>> No.36966985

>>36966721

Haha, nope, not gonna read it. I remain pure... ish.

>> No.36966988

>>36965458
So its the Bride form Kill Bill?

>> No.36967049

>>36966418
>Then the sword is free. It was only being attached to the women that kept it in check.

>> No.36967086

>>36967049
>"The sword is free. May god save us all the sword is free."

>> No.36967131

What if Harry Potter was a cube?
Where would he hold his wand? This is not a euphamism.

>> No.36967317

http://www.d20srd.org/srd/combat/specialAttacks.htm#sunder

>> No.36967467

>>36965890
/d/ left me empty inside. I just find it incredibly clumsy in combat.

>>36965598
not as bad as womb dagger or whatever was that abomination called

>> No.36968130

>>36966047
menstruation jokes are the worst jokes and not in the ironic way of dad jokes or the semi ironic way of puns there is simply no humour in them whatsoever

>> No.36968149

>>36968130
>menstruation jokes are the worst jokes

Not really. I would honestly rate your mother jokes as that.

>> No.36968158

>>36968149
i dont know i mean you mum jokes i can kinda see how somebody whos in that phrase of development where you go out of your way to be immature could find them funny i just dont see any comedy in menstruation maybe im alone on this

still i think most of us can agree they are pretty low down there on the bad scale even if we have different ideas of just how low

>> No.36968168

>>36968130
Girls never find period jokes funny, I don't understand why.

>> No.36968174

>>36968168
im male and i dont find them funny

>> No.36968189

>>36965293
Is that you, James Raggi?

>> No.36968204

ok i know its already being clarified but what if it was just a sword on the cord with the cord tied or maybe grafted to her hand

>> No.36968207

>>36968158
Yeah. I've had probably about two I thought was funny in my life. I've never in my entire life thought your mom jokes was funny.

>> No.36968236

>>36966047

>"Oh, looks like it's that time of the month... TO GET STABBED."

>> No.36968242

you know how you can tell jokes about menstruation are never funny

oglaf has never done them and if theres one person who could make them work its Bodil Bodilson if she cant do them nobody can

>> No.36968253

>>36968236
ok that ones funny i have been proven wrong

>> No.36968279

>>36965293
Is it bad my first thought was a woman with a Star Wars protosabre?

>> No.36969314

>>36968242
I've heard some good period jokes. Maybe it's just you.

>> No.36969600

>>36966418
The sword gets it's own place and starts a career finally?

>> No.36969739

>>36965937
>implying you wouldn't sword-fuck a dragon to death with your bladed cock

>> No.36969802

>>36965598

Going straight into my copypasta folder

>> No.36970029

>>36965583
>I'm a reasonable hot female living in ancient Greece
> Zeus wants to bang
>Roll on some random tables, decides to fuck me as a sword
>Pretty horrific
>give birth to a magical weapon nine months later
>That's kinda fortunate, since Hera's pissed at me for getting blade-fucked by her husband, and she's sending armies of monsters after me
>Things end up kinda of like Lone Wolf and Cub, just with a greek woman and her weapon-kid

>> No.36970717

>Is the sword biological, made from living bone and meat, or is it metal sprouting from an organic tendril?

>> No.36970752

>>36965458
Stealth into her camp and cut the cord while she sleeps. No more cunt sword.

>> No.36970821

>>36966568
>"Suddenly there is a screaming women yelling at you. She reaches down and pulls out a sword with an umbilical cable attached and tosses it. Roll a reflex save."

So she uses it like a harpoon? Damn, this is some deep Freudian shit.

>> No.36970965

>>36967049
Like how you should check your privilege, cis scum.

>> No.36971192

>>36965293
The bounty might be good, but I'm not really up for fighting some Mesopotamian war goddess.. or was she Semetic? I can't remember, but either way I prefer to stay alive which means just not getting involved with all of that.

>> No.36971716

>>36970029
Somebody needs to writefag this.

>> No.36972807

>>36966384
>Existing or Fictional?
>Implying there's more than one option

>> No.36973658

>>36972807
Have people genuinely worshipped it?

>> No.36974663

>>36970029
You should write setting fluff, because that reads just like real myths. If I read it on wikipedia, I'd believe it.

>> No.36975021

What in the flying fuck am I reading?

>> No.36975122

>>36965890
I think I'm the only one who presumed she removed the umbilical, dried it, and has her sword strapped to her wrist with it as the strap.

>> No.36975768

>>36965351
It's okay, friend. I will acknowledge and appreciate you.

>> No.36975817

>>36970029

> Lone Wolf and Cub

Mah nigga.

>> No.36975831

>>36965391
>How does she wear armor if she's got a string of flesh running from her belly button to her hand?
>from her belly button to her hands
>belly button

Did you get some nice teddies for Christmas this year?

>> No.36975889

The Giving birth to a weapon is actually kinda cool. In Indian mythology, the Yadava Race was wiped out by a Mace birthed by a man who was cursed for insulting some sages.

The umbilical cord sounds like a massive inconvenience though. How do you fight around that?

>> No.36975947
File: 15 KB, 252x223, kusarigama.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36975947

>>36975889


On the other hand, it lets you choke people.
You can also throw it around without losing it.

>> No.36975961
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36975961

>>36965436
I've got you covered.

>> No.36975965

>>36965963
Could be that she was a sacrifice, destined to be the mother of some sort of fiend war-demon, but something went terribly wrong with the birth.
Or terribly right, she's possessed by her own demon child, wielding its blade.

>> No.36976021

>>36975947

Yes, but it's attached to her crotch.

That can't be effective.

Is there a plscenta at the other end?

For that matter, how is it attached to the sword? Is it fused? Is the sword made of flesh and bone?

>> No.36976820

>>36972807
I meant RL gods and gods that you would find in pathfinder or dnd

>> No.36977210

>>36966164
I masturbated to mai chans daily life with no regret.

I wanted to be mai... Or her baby

>> No.36977276

>>36965772
>If this is actually based off of some sort of book, movie, song, or other form of entertainment that currently exists today, I swear to moot that I will lose all faith in mankind's capacity for good. And then I'll become a serial killer who targets lunatics who come up with bullshit settings like this.
I googled. Google got nothing.

>> No.36977369
File: 78 KB, 240x240, 1414631801006.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36977369

>>36965293
Another day in the Zone, this is not surprising. Show me where to put crazy woman in ground so I may have many rubles, yes?

>> No.36978024
File: 15 KB, 399x262, get-out-of-here-stalker.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36978024

>>36977369

>> No.36978566

>>36978024
>implying he isn't the BBEG hiring the Stalkers

>> No.36981193

>>36965293
This is a stupid idea.

>> No.36982981

>>36978566
I'd actually play that.

>> No.36983037

>>36968130
What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand?

>you can't gargle sand.

>> No.36983044
File: 439 KB, 500x378, 1346808296608.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36983044

>>36965351

>> No.36983071

that sounds like some silent hill shit

>> No.36983372

>>36983037
You know, jokes about female intimate hygiene are just so unfunny. They have no redeeming features and are always low and in poor taste, period.

>> No.36983380

>>36983372
Ha, ha.

>> No.36983467
File: 22 KB, 318x307, cheeki breeki.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36983467

>>36978566

>> No.36984188

>>36975122
nah i though that to (well i did not think of the drying) i also considered maybe it was grafted to her palm

>> No.36984199

>>36983037
ok jokes about the blood itself can be funny i suppose

>> No.36984593

>>36968130
>>36968174

Is that why you didn't use periods?

>> No.36984609

>>36984593
i see what you did there anon

and no the reason i dont use them is im no good with puncuation

>> No.36984674

>>36965918
As it turns out, Wraeththu is getting its only series adaption called rayththu. Truly we are the damned.

>> No.36984710

>>36969314
There are no good menstruation jokes. Period.

>> No.36984735

>>36976021
>>36970717
That'd actually be pretty metal. It's all flesh and tendril along the grip, until it hits the cross guard which is made from dense bone. The sword is the combined makeup of extremely hard carbon and iron.

>> No.36986627

>>36968130
>>36984710
There's tons of good ones, see >>36984593 and >>36984710

>> No.36986671

>>36970029
Why did Hera always get pissed at the women in these myths and not Zeus?

>> No.36986690

>>36975831

Unless the sword gave birth to her in which case the umbilical cord could still be attached since MAGIC!!!

>> No.36986738

>>36986671

Because they weren't Gods. Just like how Medusa was raped by Posiden in Athena's temple but she just turned Medusa into a monster rather than doing something to the rapist.

>> No.36986778

>>36986671
hera is a celestial hood rat.
she's upset that other women are stealing MAH MAN but too stupid to realize that HER MAN ain't even worth stealing

>> No.36987921

>>36965293
"Shit, the eldritch bartender's screwing with reality again. Time to go shoot horrifying monstrosities in the face until they die!"

>> No.36988017

>>36965293
Is it a boy sword or a girl sword?
Does it have any birth defects?
Does it still smell like babies?

>> No.36988351

>>36988017
>Is it a boy sword or a girl sword?
How would you even tell the difference?

>> No.36988774
File: 1.01 MB, 200x200, reluctant smile gif.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36988774

>>36970752
/thread alternatively....
/campaign

>> No.36988792

What is Wraeththu? Is it like FATAL?

>> No.36988848
File: 28 KB, 383x550, 1399287867984.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
36988848

>>36965293
Never think you are normal.

>> No.36988877

>>36986671
Battered housewife.

Hera has marriage as one of her domains. The sanctity of the bond between man and woman is one of the most important things there is to her, to the point that it's actually part of who she is.

She can't punish her husband for being adulterous, because he'll just slap her around, so she takes out her frustration on his lovers/victims.

>> No.36989007

>>36986671
She was getting back at Zeus the only way she could.

Zeus would beat Hera if she fucked up too bad, I believe in the Iliad there is a passage where Zeus has just figured out that Hera tricked him into not doing something suuuper important. It makes direct reference to Zeus being about to beat the shit out of her when something comes up and distracts him again.

>> No.36989013

I really like the idea of someone being so mad they give birth to a sword.

I think I will use this.

>> No.36991500

>>36988792

Not really; it's a setting (although I believe there was a notably awful rpg adaptation at one point).

>>
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